Happy Fourth of July | Gabriel Iglesias

yeah man this country you guys I love living here in the United States I can't think of anywhere else I'd want to live some people say well you're Mexican wouldn't you rather live in Mexico [Music] uh I love Mexico just visiting just visiting I like it right here that's why it kind of bothers me whenever people go you know what is it like being a Latino comedian I go I don't know I'm a comedian who happens to be Latino who what's the difference the difference is my special will air on Comedy Central not Telemundo that's hard you guys you know Espanol you speak a little Spanish it freaks people out oh my God he's speaking Spanish no don't get me wrong I like watching Spanish programming myself some of this stuff is really cool my favorite thing are the commercials because they're always about sex you don't even know what the product is until like the last two seconds it's always some model walking out all sexy right hola I querico and on the 28th second right and you're sitting there going I gotta go get a Pepsi oh yeah oh my God I have a thing for soda I love it man I know they gave me water but oh soda I don't even see that right there huh excuse me Pepsi oh no that's actually diet which is cool I'm not on a diet and it's funny because people go well then why do you drink diet soda so I can eat regular cake I love cake man are you kidding by the way I want to thank the three people who brought me a cake personally I have them in the back I really appreciate that was very nice of you the management and the promoters are freaking out they're like Gabriel why do they all bring you cake I go because on TV I talked about one time how much I love cake and so people bring it my friend Mando got mad he's like why don't you talk about hookers but yeah somebody asked me earlier too they said Gabriel when you when you get to do your special are you going to do anything about the country you're going to talk about politics well I'm going to talk about first of all how I love this country and I wouldn't want to live anywhere else I know that half the world right now thinks that our leader is the devil and most of us would agree he's not ah I don't have to make fun of the president he does it by himself okay he does it by himself every time he comes on TV I can't wait to hear what he has to say especially during press conferences right Mr President question it's been over a year what is your plan for Katrina we're going to find her Trey and we're gonna bring Katrina to Justice we have every reason to believe Katrina is connected to Al Qaeda cada Katrina they both start with a k our president got elected I didn't vote for him but then again I didn't vote for the other guy either I was just like how Bush one is beyond me Americans we love to vote but we don't vote for presidents we vote for things like American Idol because that's fun voting for presidents is not fun voting for American history Banks they should do for presidents you know just put both guys on TV for one hour call it something catchy like who's gonna run this you put them on TV for an hour let him argue 30 minutes into the special you put a 800 number on the screen and say cast your vote right you've reached the presidential hotline for George Bush press three John Kerry press four other options press five you don't like either one press five please hold hahaha [Laughter] [Music] I knew you'd be back I have a bus driver Named Dave who has never received any credit and he's been working for me for almost 10 years now this man this man has successfully gotten me to every single comedy show on time without fail if I had to describe him to you okay Dave looks like the word America not America he's about six feet tall he's white he has a Gray beard and he wears a trucker hat and he's got to be one of the most hard-working people I have ever met now when I say hard working hey I'm on the road 46 weeks out of the year so I know differences I fly home every Monday Tuesday Wednesday Dave stays on that bus and he gets it to the next city where we meet him he works anniversaries holiday special moments Christmas time I was with my family Dave was driving that bus on the East Coast New Year's I was with my family Dave was on the East Coast driving that bus one of the hardest working people I've ever met I just want to give him a shout out in addition to being hard-working he's uh he's he's very honest now when I say honest I don't mean oh he does his taxes right I mean painfully honest no filter honest he talks the way people used to he does not have time to mince words he just calls it like he sees it before me he used to work with a man by the name of Kenny G Grammy Award winner amazing amazing music um one day Kenny G was on his tour bus that Dave was driving and I guess the two of them had a little discussion and Kenny G used some words that Dave would have rather him not have used and instead of getting into it with him this is what Dave does hmm kicked Kenny G off of his own bus [Applause] because he would rather lose his job than lose his self-respect and that's the man I work with he's a bad dude you guys are clapping but you should have seen the interview oh man it was a good one he looks at me and he says let's get one thing straight I don't give a Who You Are you treat me right I'll treat you right you pay me on time you'll live not to mention the fact that he keeps that tour bus squeaky clean and he takes a lot of pride in that as well one night I was drinking on the bus and I go to put my my cup down and I miss the table and the cup hit the floor I didn't get up right away to get the cup because I figured I'm gonna get up in a couple minutes and make myself another drink I'll pick up the cup then Dave sees the cup on the floor and then he looks at me and says hey I ain't sure Mama pick that up [Applause] I get to the back of the bus and I'm like wait a minute I pay him hey Dave shut up yeah I'll be in the back of my room thank you drive safe and people tell me you work with a man who talks that way to you why let me tell you why because he's honest with Dave you know exactly what you get nowadays it is so hard for me to tell who's being genuine and who has an agenda and with him you know exactly where you stand if he likes you he loves you and if not you're on the curb with Kenny G that being said I have a story to share [Applause] about a year and a half ago may be longer or on the bus and we're heading down the highway so you have kind of an understanding of the bus layout let's say this is the front here's Dave the driver empty seat and then a sliding door that goes in between him and the rest of the tour bus my buddy Alfred and I are in the living room portion and we're watching TV we're watching the news and on the news there's this person who is running for some type of office no particular office and I guess their big plan is to erect a structure between two bodies of land somewhere and I guess they want one side of the structure to finance the entire project well my buddy Alfred and I we have a lot of family that works in construction and we know a bad job when we see one so we started to voice our opinion out loud about how we felt about this person and what they wanted to do we're being very loud so loud Dave can hear us and then we hear Dave [Laughter] mirica [Applause] I yell out to Dave I said be quiet Dave this isn't about you he Taps a button on the dashboard that activates the sliding door and when the door is about that far from closing he yells out I'm building a wall [Applause] I couldn't even get upset because I was too much in shock over the fact that that came out of someone four feet away from me my buddy Alfred and I we look like chickens we're like my cell phone goes off take out my phone and there's a text message from Dave and I said that's right he better say I'm sorry he better say just kidding I open up the text message and it says and you're paying for it [Applause] and people tell me you still work with him after that yes I do I trust that man with my life every single night I know where his heart's at he can say whatever he wants at the end of the day he still has to drive around the king of the Mexicans I took I took a road trip about a year ago after I got rid of the beetle in the SUV took a road trip from LA to Phoenix to go perform at this club let me tell you who's in the car I'm driving I got my buddy Armando riding shotgun he's another fluffy guy we call him sexy I don't call them that his wife calls him that he's a sexy anyway in the back seat I got my friend Martin next to him is my friend Felipe so we take off we're on the 10 freeway we're passing all these Indian casinos [Music] sorry we're stupid like that anyway all of a sudden all these cars start passing me right I'm getting annoyed because I'm driving I said next car that tries to pass me I'm not gonna let him so I'm looking in the rearview mirror waiting looking waiting waiting and I see a silver dot the silver dot turned out to be a little car with two hoochies in it right that's some of you guys are going how do you know they're hooges cause my friend Martine was in the back seat going I feel a disturbance in the force they try to go around and I cut them off I'm having fun they're back there whatever my friend Felipe is in the backseat yelling at me for what are you doing don't worry I'm having fun Gary you're gonna get pulled over dude I'm okay it's cool we're arguing going back and forth I'm not paying attention I don't see a California highway patrol officer creeping up on us all of a sudden I hear I look at the speedometer 102. oh I freaked out the little car that was behind me with the two hoochies they got pulled over because they were going just as fast you know I'm in the front seat of my car freaking out oh my God oh my God I'm on the verge of tears from the back seat I hear my friend Felipe full what are you crying for what are you crying for fool you're not the one with weed in his pocket are you [Applause] drugs in the car I told you to slow down didn't I but no Pikachu knows everything shoot everybody hold on your window I heard the car bundle fart do something man the carbox over the window looks in sees my face recognizes me from TV right he's like hey I know you you're a comedian yeah you're that guy from Comedy Central you're the guy that does that joke about his friend at a hotel and you crank call him and you call him a dirty Mexican and then you go but it was funny huh oh I love that joke that one and when you go chocolate cake oh I love that joke I hate to do this to you but we got two cars involved I need your license and registration okay here you go here you go so he takes my info goes back to the car with the two girls in it right the whole time he's back there I tell everybody in the car check it out he just recognized me from TV maybe if we have some fun with them crack some jokes maybe he won't take the car I don't care if I get a ticket but as long as he doesn't take the car mine will be silly crack a joke my thing be funny Felipe what fool shut the hell up so the cop comes back to the car what the hell were you doing out there before I could think of something funny to say from the back seat I hear full heels testing a suspension oh my God this pothead's gonna get me arrested yes sir I'm sorry that's my friend Felipe that's the guy from the special that's the guy who says but it was funny huh he's just trying to get me in trouble I'm really sorry whatever so he goes back to a squad car with my driver's license and he's swiping it in a computer the whole time he's doing that he's being yelled at from the back seat of my car help us sir thank God you have a computer last week we got stopped in Mexico that fool had a Rolodex cop starts dying I go oh we got them going we got him going I told my buddy Mondo give me my CDs I take out my Bad Boys 2 soundtrack and I pop it in track three is the theme song to Cops I tell my friend Felipe tell me when the cop starts walking okay if oh here he comes I cranked that song as loud as I could gonna do [Music] best part now the cop is walking to the beat [Music] [Applause] even better than that the two hoochies in the car can hear the music and they're freaking out they're like oh my God the cop goes to the girls gives them a ticket lets them go an art car and at this point we're like halfway through the song right we're like [Music] [Laughter] okay got our arms out the window like a bunch of idiots thank you the cop is in the middle of the freeway dying he walks over the window and he's like shut it off yes sir hands me my license and the registration and he tells me Gabriel I want you to do me a big favor I want you to keep this tank under a hundred you think you can do that do that for me keep on doing what you do and you have yourself a nice day that's it no ticket no ticket I don't know what possessed me to look at this man and go why how come the girls got a ticket and he tells me the coolest thing he says cause they couldn't make me laugh you don't understand Gabriel I've been on the force now for 26 years this is hands down the funniest damn traffic stop I've ever been a part of do you have any idea how hard it is to give two a ticket while listening to Cops I damn near pissed myself I was laughing so hard this is going in the books is one of the funniest things ever happened to a police officer I swear to God the only story better than this one is a buddy of mine pulled over some fat guy that gave him donuts [Applause] so he starts walking away right and just as I'm about to start the car so does that mean I could keep my weed all right I turn around to yell at my friend too late the cop is at the window you want to run that by me again son you heard what I said fool oh you think this is a big joke don't you you think that just cause I gave your buddy here a break I know who he is I like what he does I don't know you I don't like you step out of the car I turn around and my friend Felipe is like oh I am so scared and the cop pulls out his gun I'm freaking out I'm like oh my God back seat my friend Felipe [Music] I am so scared for he's good he is good then he points it at him the look on my friend Felipe's face the cop was like nah but that was funny huh [Applause]

Channel: Gabriel Iglesias

Views: 3,070,271

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Id: BZvHo2pE5t8

Length: 21min 11sec (1271 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 03 2023