guy in vr talks about growing up with autism

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it didn't really hit me until I was around six years old and that's when I went to kindergarten basically I was on I was on the playground and I'm just playing around and I'm going to reach for the Monkey Bar and this kid pushed me and I don't even know how this kid knew like any of these words but he's like he just like I mean maybe at six years old you would know like the meaning of like stupid and dumb but he would just like he caressed me calling me stupid dumb when I got home that day I was like what it I was six years old and I was thinking what the hell is wrong with me like why why did these obviously in a much simpler way but I was like why are these kids so mean yeah I was five years old when I said my first word it's very late I was relate to a lot of stuff yeah when I was a kid I would really throw it fits all the time because I hated change I like absolutely hated change like if if something was off the routine I would just throw a huge fit about it so I remember my mom used to have this big box it was like a Tote box with a slit cut out in the lid and she'd give me these little tokens and whenever we would change an activity she would like put she'd let me slip the little token in so I found something fun to do with it as we were going through I did do therapy in the schools for a while basically I was in your average uh special education class after sixth grade I stopped wanting some of the accommodations that came with it because they were starting to get in the way of like people started to find out and I didn't want that at the time I've realized that some of those accommodations really did help me out unlike some some of them quickly came back into things but like I did have that one phase where I was like you know what screw the accommodations I can be normal I've worked hard and that's like no I still have a while to go it really humbled me like I like one of my accommodations was that I had to go to a different room for any test because I did not like stim you like all the stimuli coming around when something was really quiet was would get to me and I would perform I wouldn't perform well on tests so I got to be in a room where there was music playing some of the kids got to play and for most people that would be like that would just throw them off but that for me it put me in my element and I was like I don't need that and then like my test scores came from my math class and I was like okay maybe I need that usually throughout all of elementary school I was really bad like I obviously not paying attention would it make any eye contact with people my speech was horrible much worse than it already is right now luckily my therapy really helped with that and I was able to kind of sort some of this that stuff out most everybody in the world has these automatic like systems in their head when they're talking to somebody I have to like physically think that as like how you breathe you're able to look somebody in the eye when they're talking to you but I have to like think in my head look them in the eye look them in my the eye and then like constantly remind myself stuff like that when I'm talking to somebody yeah look them in the eye uh like hey say say okay or like repeat what they said back to you in like a question like do that or like give them a nod do this don't make sure to transition out of the conversation make sure to transition into a new topic and it was all this stuff while trying to it all in my head multitasking it while I'm talking to somebody somebody you're acquainted with or somebody you're friends with like you you make those little like kind of like jab jokes you know I did not know that like there were different levels of like insult like so I would take an insult like oh your fly is down which is all naughty almost not even an insult I would put that on the same level as go to hell and so I'd just ball over people telling me to put my fly to put my flaw to zip my to zip my pants up it's just because I did not understand that there was levels to it like how there's levels to sadness I thought that just bawling your eyes out was sad and it's like no you don't have to be bawling your eyes out to be sad tumor in general that wasn't like obvious if it wasn't like oh like knock knock who's there who who oh I didn't know you were now like if it wasn't that kind of joke that was like super obvious I really had trouble getting I'm probably the person that you would say read the room a lot too this is recent like not even a month ago I my friends were just having a roast battle and I I got pissed off at them because I was like can you guys not be nice to each other for one second and I was like for that moment I just kind of had a lapse that they were like no they're just playing around and it usually happens when uh I'm in a bad mood because I'm a lot more impulsive when I'm in a bad mood like if I sometimes I'll have these certain thoughts but then if I think about it for a second it's like oh well this is obviously not this is obviously not that like it's not that deep but like if I'm in a bad boom I'm a lot more impulsive so like I just kind of snapped on them I'll look back at myself and I'd be like what but what are what were you on then I would get pulled out of class I would walk into this special little room close to one of the exits and they would there was two there was like three maybe separate rooms it was more like two but like one there was like three sections so they at first I'd be taken into this room with a projector inside and I'd sit there with the therapist and certain like things either like flash cards or certain like little shorts that would help me with emotions they would have these little shorts and all that where it would give you very obvious examples of certain tones like say anger or sadness and I'd watch that for about 30 minutes it's basically like your average kid's short you'd have like the little the kids running out you know and then like oh one of them gets pushed over and is very angry at um is very angry at the other kid for pushing them down and it would be like this is what anger is it's kind of like knowing like knowing now obviously like having it kind of ingrained in my head I like it's kind of funny thinking like oh this is what anger is but when I was a kid like I could not I would not be able to differentiate tone from like when you were angry at me or mad at me to when you were normally talking unless you were screaming at me like my of course if my dad was screaming at me I would cry but like if my dad was like frustrated and he was trying to like and he was trying to like warn me that he was like frustrated I would not pick up on it because I I wasn't able to tell what being mad was compared to being just normally talking to somebody it was just like pattern recognition it was like oh wait that is sadness it's just not that level of sadness it's just it's somewhere in this spectrum of it and then the other 30 minutes would be in physical therapy so alerting certain things that I can do how to improve my speech maybe a little like little toys and little fidgets that I could use stuff like that and then I would go right back to class as I started learning this stuff my parents would actually be able to have a conversation with me a mature conversation with me and it was like oh my God like I this is working so it's I'm again like of course I'm never gonna fully get the fact that why people get certain things like I mean I still like naturally I still want to like look away as I'm talking like I just want to focus on something out in the distance I mean I still struggle with a lot of but what I would consider complex tones for example sarcasm sarcasm is a really hard tone for me and I I will slip up and think that somebody who is being sarcastic is being literal I used to have a mass it used to be much worse when I was a kid um I'm trying to think of an example I mean it's not really sarcasm but it was more like it became too complex I was on a cruise ship one time and my my parents wanted to go to the bar for like a for like a pop quit this little event and I wanted to stay in the arcade because I had no interest in going and they were like okay Ethan um stay here you need to you need to just stay in the arcade and not go anywhere else because obviously they didn't want me getting lost and and keep in mind I'm like 10 years old 11 years old I thought they literally meant that I had to stay inside the arcade at all costs well the bathroom was outside of the arcade and I almost I I legit almost peed my pants in that arcade because I thought I wasn't allowed to leave I don't have many good experiences with school school's never been they kind of ruined my look on school because I hated school after like a while of it like because obviously like I had connected going to school with being bullied so I was like why I hate school because like why why would I why am I forced to go somewhere where I'm just gonna be beaten up called that I'm never gonna that I'm never going to live up to anything for a while I was pleading with my mom was like Mom just homeschool me like do something but I I realize now that why my mom didn't do that because now I mean I would have never picked and picked up on the social cues I never would have been able to practice any of it if I did homeschooling when you're learning a new language a lot of the a lot of them will say hey practice practice this language on a native speaker talk to somebody who native who should speak that language fluently and you're like oh so you go do that and you realize like you when you put in in practice some people if they're if they really care about you they'll give you feedback and they'll give you certain things on like what to do so I've I've tried to keep a group of people that really care about me so that I can learn more as as I grow up and as I'm going through life I try to keep people that I really care about next to me and who really care about me because they'll give me feedback and they're and sometimes they need to be brutally honest with me they're like yeah your tone really sounded [ __ ] up like they did say gave this whole sentence a different meaning dude and I'm like oh [ __ ] and then I I just have to learn from it let's a big step for sure but a huge step if I could being able to talk about it it I mean it has good and bad but it has taken me a while to push myself to do this I I think at some point I'll I'll mature enough to the point where I'm like okay it's just a part of me and I and at that point I'm pretty sure I'll just be pretty open about it but I'm for now it's just one of those things of like if I'm really close to you I'll tell you but I if you're not close to me then you haven't really I don't need to really tell you that if you could tell everybody in the world won the thing what would it be I could tell anybody okay that's a do you put me on the spot here uh man that's that's like a that's a deep deep ass question uh ah man that's a like okay next time that anybody sees a person with autism they look at them and they can they see that there's a lot of that it's a lot of hard work to even put yourself out so have some mercy and if they genuinely care about trying to learn from you and learn how to be more social then take every chance you can to help them and I mean yeah that's that's basically it [Music] shows [Music]
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Channel: Syrmor
Views: 31,675
Rating: undefined out of 5
Keywords: vr, syrmor, vrchat, virtual reality, vrchat stories, people in vrchat, guy in vrchat, girl in vrchat, in vr
Id: iKsF6xCE5KY
Channel Id: undefined
Length: 12min 52sec (772 seconds)
Published: Mon Oct 31 2022
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