i dont think i know how to make friends

hey look at me hey i'm fondling his chin this is a fairly relaxing environment i'm busy doing something there we go yeah don't be shy come closer come here come here come here what if i die no i just die okay cool yeah it's sunny for the common joke is it sunny for two weeks of the year it's usually always just overcast but if you really want some sun just get out in the morning no one in the uk has air conditioning no one i've literally never been to a house in the uk that has air conditioning so in those like two or three weeks it's unbearable thermal it it's the worst because you're just sitting there sweating and you can't do [ __ ] about it open a window it's hotter outside than in here it's the worst i'll give you a really good like perspective on it marisa every time she goes and visits her country she goes to the starbucks and she buys one of the starbucks branded city mugs right where i live birmingham again she stayed with me for like over a month when we went to go and get one you know for birmingham because you know that's the tradition that she has she refused she didn't want to remember it that's that's a good perspective of it literally on the way there we had to maneuver through garbage like on the way to the starbucks we had to like go through a dark alley people were pissing on the walls they're just stinking and that's everything was garbage that is not true that's not true it wasn't that bad it was nice i was about to get arrested for murder it's not that bad it's really not that bad i only ever dated the people for like two weeks or so the longest relationship i had before this girl well my hands stopped working was like i think genuinely like a month he dated for two years but jesus i can't imagine that was very fun for her because oh my god it's kind of weird how it worked out she perfectly entered into my life during the worst part of it and then as soon as she's gone you know what now i'm saying this out loud it might she might have been the problem we and her must started dating around 15 16. we continued on through out this british school system called a level you do it when you're 16 and then you finish it when you're 18 and then they just kind of throw you out into the world you're either a plumber after that point or you go on to university or and just do and do something with maps i don't know i don't know what university is like i never went i'll i'll give you like a really quick layout for it like it goes primary school which you do from five to twelve and then it goes secondary school which you do from 12 to 16 and then it goes to a level which you do from 16 to 18 and then it goes university which you can kind of just do for however much amount of time you want really during secondary school i turned into a terrible student and i had really really low predicted grades my teachers all hated me but it ended up that i actually did okay when it came to the actual finishing the test like i just studied i finally actually tried and studied and then i made it onto a level and i instead of going to the school that i thought i was going to go to i made it into like the nice one in the rich person neighborhood like if you drive there you go past houses with teslas and lamborghinis on the same driveway you know like nice school um but yeah that killed me turns out i'm not meant for good schools again bad student didn't do very well with it um she was uh my girlfriend also went to this same school which is kind of why i tried to aim for it that's kind of when stuff started to go wrong i think like um i was doing youtube throughout all of it like i started off i started off my youtube channel and you know small youtuber like i was getting five ten thousand views a video like sort of consistently like i learned that hey there are these minecraft servers that will pay you money to go and make videos on them kind of like a sponsorship deal right like you know youtube let's do all the you know sponsored by rave shadow legends instead it was just sponsored by a minecraft server and it was a really easy thing so i started to do that during a level but the issue with all that is i had this terrible schedule where i'd go and uh i basically getting to my school took a bus ride and then a train ride and then a bus ride and that happens both ways it's whole process takes like an hour and a half to get school each day if i woke up on time what i'd do is i'd go into town there's a little like village thing there buy a four pack of like the off-brand red bull because i couldn't afford the actual rebel and then drink all of those throughout one day come home record slash edit not sleep that night go to school do that whole thing again and then come back again and then that night i'd sleep for like four hours and then i wouldn't sleep the next day so i get four hours of sleep every other day every other night [Music] that's how you develop some sort of mental disorder dude like i was referred to the um the school like uh their council sort of people just because well okay the the one funny story that came out of it or half funny because of you know this terrible terrible sleep schedule i'd like just fall asleep and the red bulls their friend rebel did nothing at this point i'd just be passing out on desks again causing more teachers to hate me they did not like me very much halfway through the second year they sat they they the heads of the school literally like the heads the head teacher the deputy heads someone on the scoreboard the counsellor for the school like every important person that worked at this school uh asked me like contacted me called me into like their break room and we all sat at this round table and i was on this one side like this semi-circle table i was on the other side in this very dark room it really felt like i was being interrogated but they were honestly just expressing concern like they just said like hey are you are you good are you okay because you know you you you're not you're concerning us buddy um and you know i guess there was some stuff to be concerned about like uh i remember being on my phone at a lunch and literally just like literally just googling just ways to you know uh die like uninstall life i don't know how heavy that of a subject that is but you know it was a dark period of time but eventually i i had to drop out like i couldn't keep up with what i was doing um i had to leave school and just focus on one or the other and i chose youtube because i just thought you know if i go through this school thing and i take the path everyone wants me to you know i'd always like think of youtube as just like what could have been you know like i'd regret it forever even if it even if nothing would have came of it i'd always regret not doing it so uh my parents best people in the world didn't put up much of a fight about it they they saw like you know the stress that was kind of putting me under like i'd come home and just like i'd like punch walls and [ __ ] my knuckles still have like scars and [ __ ] on them um i had a punching bag that was just covered in blood like just because i was just so like i was just [ __ ] in the head i just i couldn't get my head straight at the time it that i i really do blame that sleeping schedule it's really important sleep sleep's really important it was the best thing for me to do by far it's the best decision i've ever made um [Music] yeah i don't know where i'd be without that when me and my girlfriend broke up it was after dropping out what i was making at the time when i was in school was like 2 000 a month and two thousand dollars a month is a hell of a lot of money for someone that's 15 16 right or 17 at the time sorry eat a ton of money for someone in school at 17. um but it's not a lot of money when you're on your own when you're not in education and that's the only thing you've got it suddenly turns into not very big of an achievement especially something that's so unreliable as youtube and so i just focused everything i could on on that and that's you know that that was my fault uh yeah i i just didn't really have time for her and then um and then we broke up she ended up cheating on me with one of my friends at a party but you know i can i think that was more like you would have seen it coming like obviously no one like expects to get treated on but then it was yeah that was pretty bad um i think she was like she was like the last person i think i i had contact with like i didn't speak to anyone else when i dropped out i left like everything behind all my friends were at that school and somewhat like you know again my fault but i i just i didn't have as soon as she broke up with me i had nothing besides youtube it was all i had i i had to make it work it had to work there was no other option so i just worked for like two and a half three years straight and i honestly until we were talking yesterday i didn't realize it had been that long i really didn't i think when i was when i was describing like how i became a youtuber i really didn't realize it's been this long since i've hung out with a friend you know like i i'd always like have family get to the family get-togethers i guess but i i never really i'd you know i there's not really anyone in my real life that's like a really good friend you know like i've never really you know i'm thinking about it now there's it's just you know there's three yeah it was yeah it's it's really weird i'm going through it in my head now i really haven't spoken to anyone in [ __ ] three years [ __ ] oh god i'm sorry you had to have this realization while peter [Music] he keeps twisting his armor menacingly too favorite part of the story is my girlfriend started talking to me randomly when my life got very shitty and she bare she just left just as my life was getting good again i won she missed out huh silence it was one of those things like same friend group so when she left everyone left you know it's hard to like yeah i don't know like we never uh we just never really made time for each other after that i don't think because you know i was busy and everyone was busy it just no i was just an [ __ ] i went through like a bri i went through like i mean i just didn't talk to it was i it was literally not their fault at all i'm i'm almost positive they tried to reconnect with me uh i just didn't i was just i just knew that i i don't know why i i thought like this for so long but it was just i just knew like if youtube didn't work then everything was [ __ ] in my in my head at the time if this one thing didn't work out i put i had put all my eggs into this basket and if it didn't work the every everything goes bad everything bad so i just didn't want to take away from doing it i just i just you know if i i felt like if i did anything besides that then it would all go bad which is still something that i'm i'm i struggle with today like going out to go and see someone now is like an effort on my part now for some reason because it's just i just keep thinking in my head like oh you're not working and you know what happens if you don't work you die like that's what's going on in my head whenever i whenever someone asked me to hang out which is not very you know that's probably not healthy but that's what i wanted to try and work on in you know this year but that's my new year's resolution is to talk to more people and actually say yes to things it was literally something that hit me last month i was on a phone call to to marisa and then this is exactly what happened because i remember it so well now we were getting on a facetime call with all of like all of the people that marisa had introduced me to and she went oh who else can we add like do you have anyone to add and i just went no i i i don't know anyone that saw i don't know anyone that would join this call right now everyone that i know i either haven't spoken to them for a year or they're in america or something like that i just know through like a mutual twitter friend request or like friends on minecraft or discord or some [ __ ] like that or youtuber friends like that that would that wouldn't join because we didn't talk that much so i just was like oh that's the realization i was just like i don't think i know how to i don't think i know how to make friends um and i only really realized that recently i guess but you know i'll grab this mushroom like it's a i wonder if he's still talking well as long as finn is gone do you wanna do you wanna interview me instead it's cool that you're able to look past the british accent into who they are as a person i can barely do it i can barely do it this brings me an awful lot of childhood like nostalgia this is so sick this is like genuinely like this is kind of a moment for me it genuine this is genuinely i'm having a bit of a this is cool but you're friends when you're a teenager because they're there like it's opportunistic there's a kid in your class that you kind of get along with you've sat next to them for a few subjects so now they're your friend right like but when you're in your 20s a meaningful connection coming about is a lot harder right like you've got no reason to have to associate with someone so you have no reason to want to get to know them besides just their personality there's there's it's a weird thing right like they always say humans are social animals like we really do need people around us but you know there's it's not really a good way to find them i mean like in your class guarantee you weren't friends with many people outside your class like and your class in school is always like what 30 people or so you got like 30 people to make friends with and you've got to choose someone roughly there like you're not going to find the best people and you'll grow apart in weird way like my friends back in primary school are doing oh my god i don't know if they're alive i wouldn't know i kind of just lost touch with them like um one of them does uh one of them's like a dj now doing a ton of drugs one of them's like uh one of them works uh somewhere near me because i actually saw him a few weeks ago um and i don't know where the rest went they just we you grow apart because there's it's yeah it's convenience you're right i used to like him quite a lot though but you know maybe i'll go to their rave take some meth who knows all the interest of socializing friends that do math together stay together that's just that's the saying right that's what they all say yeah that's the famous line from the trainspotting movie you're the only non-british person i know that has seen trainspotting you earned a lot of points with that with me there's definitely people that like were really nice that i regret losing touch with but you know that it's always for a reason isn't it you know like they've they've in more of an instance if they've grown apart from me more than me grew and apart from them you know this feels a bit like you tr you're about to murder us we're just at the back of a train it kind of feels like you're gonna push us off or something feel very cornered that's the vibe i try to give off it's you're very you're very threatening you know you've got a lot of stature okay so what's this 360. that was sick damn oh oh my god whoa i'm spinning uh oh this was bad oh this is a bad idea watch out watch out watch out watch out i mean how many times have you heard that a solution to feeling a bit better is just talking to someone and i just didn't have anyone to talk to i could have talked to my parents and i i honestly at times i wish i would have but you know i just i don't know i didn't want to go and talk to anyone i didn't want to go and see people i didn't want to go and have friends um so i didn't and i just stuck at the youtube thing i don't you don't like talking to your parents about [ __ ] like that i guess in all fairness i needed something like this this would be this would have probably been really beneficial to me back then if i could just anonymously just talk about [ __ ] and no one would have known me it's such a blur now thinking back on it right because there's no like event there's nothing that like took place that's super notable because like there wasn't anything i was just doing nothing besides working on minecraft youtube it kind of just feels like it did it barely happened it's a really weird way to put it again i've never thought about this before probably i've never thought about phrasing it i've never had the conversation i had with you to anyone in real life never i've never spoken to someone at that like length and depth about it weird again i'm i'm terrible with feelings i i don't talk to anyone about anything i went to a the only time i ever had to speak about my feelings i lit i had to because back in a level when i was having all these like issues they referred me to go to a gp which is a general pack practitioner in the uk um which is just the person that would assess you for depression which is what they thought i had and i went there and i tell him what's up and he goes that's probably depression um and he gives me kind of an option like hey you can like you can take some pills or you can go and see you go to go to therapy or whatever but it i don't know having that conversation with him was essentially just sat there didn't make eye contact with okay do your parents abuse you no okay uh alcoholism no do you take drugs no do you uh you know have you ever uh murdered if you well you're probably fine you know okay they don't really thought it it's so impersonal so i never really had a good i don't know no one ever really no one ever teaches you to talk about feelings and [ __ ] and then when you don't for so long it's just hard you know that's one of my favorite childhood memories man they're so cool look at him i think i'll i'm gonna this year 2021 i'm gonna get uh i'm gonna i'm gonna just talk to more people i'm actually gonna try and talk to people instead of just like not doing anything and hope they come to me maybe i'll try and like uh maybe i'll get a girlfriend maybe that's a big maybe they've gotta put up with me so props to anyone that can do that if you could tell everyone in the world one thing what would it be oh this is this is genuinely like being inside a ceremo video this is really cool you know how many you know how many times i've watched these um sleep sleep well you'd be really surprised on how important sleep is for overall well-being and uh you know i hope uh i hope no one ever has to have a bad sleep schedule ever again really messes you up for a life pro tip that was three hours that was three hours of me sitting here muted that's the [ __ ] most quiet i've ever been [Laughter] drink of death

Channel: Syrmor

Views: 115,718

Keywords: vtuber, funny, funny moments, vr, vrchat, virtual reality, vrchat stories, people in vrchat, guy in vrchat, girl in vrchat, anime, f1nn5ter, meowriza

Id: AR4GY-bbGRY

Length: 22min 31sec (1351 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 22 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/JVLIICAMMILVS]

i just subs to Syrmor :)) thx for the vids 😊🙌

[u/Grumpy_ol_Boot]

That was an interesting video, didn't know he was at such a low point.

But glad to hear he is improving day by day. 😀