I KNOW! I KNOW. I KNOW, I KNOW. I KNOW. CHEESE. I AM TOO GOOD FOR YOU. IT'S FRIDAY SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, LET'S WELCOME TONIGHT GUESTS, HE'S THE GUY WHO RUNS THE CONVERTIBLE SEBRING, FOX AND FRIENDS FIRST HOST TODD PIRO. SHE'S GOT SOUTHERN CHARM AND CAN DO YOU HARM, A HOST OF THE BOTTOM LINE, DAGEN MCDOWELL. HE'S LIKE HIS RAZOR BLADES, EASILY REPLACEABLE. COMEDIAN AND FOUNDER OF WESTERN RAZOR COMPANY, DAVID ANGELO. AND HER FAVORITE BEDTIME STORY IS THE BILL OF RIGHTS. NEW YORK TIMES BEST-SELLING AUTHOR AND FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR KAT TIMPF. ALL RIGHT. BEFORE WE GET TO SOME NEWS STORIES, LET'S DO THIS. [♪♪♪] >> Announcer: GREG'S LEFTOVERS >> Greg: YEAH. LEFTOVERS, WHERE I READ THE JOKES WE DID NOT USE THIS WEEKEND AS ALWAYS IT'S MY FIRST TIME READING THEM SO IF THEY SOCK WE'LL MAKE JOE MACKIE SLEEP INJURING OTHERS PANTS. IT WAS A ROUGH DAY FOR JOE BIDEN AS HE CALLED ZELENSKYY PUTIN AND KAMALA HARRIS TRUMP. I'VE DONE THE SAME THING. JUST THE OTHER DAY I MISTAKINGLY CALLED JOY BEHAR. BUT IT'S LIKE REFERRING TO JOE BIDEN AS THE PRESIDENT. YES, YES. LAST NIGHT'S PRESS CONFERENCE, BIDEN'S OPENING REMARKS WERE ABOUT PROUDLY BEING IN A NATO, LEADING NATO MEMBERS TO SAY, WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF NATO. JOE ALSO BLAMED HIS STAFF FOR ADDING THINGS ALL THE TIME TO HIS SCHEDULE. YOU KNOW, THANKS LIKE BREATHING, PUTTING ON PANTS AND WIPING THE DROOL OFF HIS FACE. HE ALSO TOLD REPORTERS THAT KAMALA HARRIS IS QUALIFIED TO BE PRESIDENT. AFTER ALL, LIKE HIM, SHE'S ALSO BRAIN-DEAD. GETS WORSE. THE DNC CHAIR CLAIMS THAT LAST NIGHT JOE PUT ON A MASTER CLASS. MASTER CLASS? MAYBE IF THE CLASS IS TITLED HOW TO TERRIFY WORLD LEADERS BY HAVING NUCLEAR WEAPONS AND DEMENTIA. BIDEN SUPPORTERS CLAIM THE PRESIDENT DID NOT COMPLETELY BALL MET THE PRESSER ON THURSDAY THEIR EVIDENCE, HE DID NOT ASK LLOYD AUSTIN TO PARK HIS CAR. RACIST. VERY RACIST. LAST NIGHT WHEN A REPORTER ASKED BIDEN HOW HE WOULD RESPOND TO DONALD TRUMP, MOCKING JOE BIDEN'S AGE AND HIS MEMORY, JOE SAID, LISTEN TO HIM. I THINK PEOPLE ARE, JOE. SOURCES SAY THE PRESIDENT HASN'T MET WITH HIS CABINET IN NINE MONTHS. ALTHOUGH HE DID HAVE A 45 MINUTE CONVERSATION WITH A CREDENZA. CREDENZA. NEVER KNEW WHAT THAT WAS. EARLIER THIS WEEK BIDEN DISMISSED CONCERNS ABOUT HIS MENTAL ACUITY AND SAID HE WOULD DROP OUT ONLY IF LORD ALMIGHTY TOLD HIM TO. BUT I DID, SAID ONE MAN. YEAH. A RADIO STATION ADMITTED TO EDITING AN INTERVIEW WITH JOE AFTER HIS CAMPAIGN ASKED THEY REMOVE ANSWERS THAT MADE HIM SOUND FOOLISH. LISTENERS WERE TIPPED OFF TO THE CONSECUTIVE MINUTES OF SILENCE. THIS WEEK, VIEW COHOST WHOOPI GOLDBERG SAID SHE'D STILL VOTE FOR JOE BIDEN EVEN IF HE POOPS HIS PANTS. A BIDEN SPOKESPERSON REPLIED, CONSIDER IT DONE. ONE AFTER THE OTHER. WE ARE PACKED TONIGHT. ACCORDING TO A NEW SURVEY, 24% THINK BIDEN IS MENTALLY SHARP. THE OTHER 76% OF VOTERS THINK THAT 24% IS RETARTED. I DID NOT SAY IT, THEY DID. EARLIER THIS WEEK PRESIDENT TRUMP ACCEPTED BIDEN'S CHALLENGE TO PLAY GOLF BUT THEN JOE CHANGED HIS MIND BECAUSE HE'S ALREADY HAD ENOUGH STROKES. NBC NEWS REPORTS THAT THE PRESIDENT RELIES MORE AND MORE ON ADVICE FROM HIS SON HUNTER. THAT EXPLAINS THE NEW CEILING MIRROR IN THE LINCOLN BEDROOM. DEVIN BACON HIRED A MAKEUP ARTIST TO DISGUISE HIM AS A REGULAR PERSON TO SEE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE NOT TO BE FAMOUS. I DID THE SAME THING THAT TIME I DISGUISED MYSELF AS BRIAN KILLED MADE. FINALLY A COUPLE WAS ARRESTED AT A GEORGIA MEXICAN RESTAURANT WHEN A MAN ATTEMPTED TO FUNNEL A MARGARITA DOWN THE POT OF HIS WIFE. APPARENTLY HE FORGOT TO OF THE RIM. -- TO SALT THE RIM -- ALL RIGHT. YEAH. WON'T GET THAT ON SPECIAL REPORT. TO THE NEWS. SO TRUMP IS NOT ADOLF HITLER, MAKING THE DEMOCRATS FULL OF SHITLER. HE'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN TO THE WORLD, WORTH THE NUCLEAR WAR, SOCCER, HAVING TO SHARE A BATHROOM WITH WHOOPI GOLDBERG. HE'S A NAZI, A DICTATOR, AUTHORITARIAN. HE LEAVE THE TOILET SEAT UP, DOESN'T CLOSE HIS MOUTH WHEN CHEWING AND HAS SEX WITH UGLY BORN STARS. BUT IT TURNS OUT THE DEMOCRATS REALLY DON'T THINK THAT AT ALL. AT LEAST NOT BEHIND CLOSED DOORS. NEW YORK TIMES WRITER AS ROOT -- EZRA KLEIN IS REVEALING WHAT THE DEMOCRATS ARE PRIVATELY TELLING HIM. >> IT WOULD BE QUITE UNPLEASANT FOR ME PERSONALLY TO COME OUT AGAINST THE PRESIDENT, AS AN ELECTED OFFICIAL OF THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY, AND WEIGHING WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF DONALD TRUMP WINS AND SAYING I CAN LIVE WITH DONALD TRUMP WINNING. I'VE HAD TOP DEMOCRATS SAY TO ME BASICALLY SOMETHING LIKE I DON'T KNOW WHY DEMOCRATS ARE ACTING THE WAY THEY ARE. AWAY -- REASON I'M ACTING THE WAY I AM IS BECAUSE I DON'T THINK THAT. >> Greg: YOU ARE TELLING ME THE DEMOCRATS WERE LYING? THAT'S A -- AS SURPRISING AS CHRIS CHRISTIE ORDERING TWO DESSERTS. WHY DO YOU LIKE THOSE JOKES? BUT IT'S WORSE THAN LYING. THE TRUMP IS HITLER HOAX WAS ALSO A DANGEROUS LIE THAT DEMANDED ACTION BY THOSE WHO BELIEVED IT. BECAUSE IF YOU ARE CONVINCED YOU ARE FIGHTING HITLER, YOU HAVE THE MORAL IMPERATIVE TO STOP HIM AT ANY COST. YOU COULD LIE, CHEAT, PUNCH, HARASS. AFTER ALL TO OBEY LAWS WHEN FIGHTING HITLER, THAT WOULD BE IMMORAL. THE RESULT, THEY CREATED A MONSTER THAT WAS AS REAL AS THE TRUMP HITLER HOAX WAS NOT. THEY BECAME THAT HATEFUL MONSTER. BUT THIS HOAX IS THE PEAK ON THE PYRAMID OF HOAXES THAT ARE NOW ALL COLLAPSING BECAUSE THEY WERE ALL DEPENDENT ON EACH OTHER. THE FOUNDATIONAL HOAXES THAT CREATED THE EVIL TRUMP SMITH, A NAZI LOVER WHO SAYS YOU SHOULD DRINK BLEACH WHILE COLLABORATING WITH RUSSIANS, THAT GAVE US THE TRUMP IS AN EXISTENTIAL RISK HOAX WHICH GAVE US THE BIDEN IS FINE HOAX, WHICH PROMPTED THE COVER UPS AND OF COURSE THE CHEAP FAKE HOAXES. BUT KNOCK ONE DOWN AND THEY ALL FOLLOW. THE LESSON FOR ALL OF US, WHEN A HOAX APPEARS, YOU NEED TO RUN RIGHT AT IT. WHEN YOU TAKE ONE OUT, YOU WILL ALWAYS FIND A DOZEN OTHER HOAXES DEPENDING ON IT. THAT IS THE THING WITH HOAXES. DEMOCRATS BELIEVE THERE IS SAFETY IN NUMBERS. THIS SHOULD UPSET YOU BUT IT SHOULD UPSET DEMOCRAT VOTERS MOST. IMAGINE BELIEVING ALL THIS [ BLEEP ]. YOU ARE EITHER DUPED, NAÏVE OR JUST PLAIN STUPID WHICH IS ALL YOU NEED TO DO TO KEEP SUPPORTING JOE. THAT AND A LOT OF DRUGS. ALL RIGHT. IT'S THE NOTE HIGH TIME. FRESH OFF OF WORK, HEADING TO THE LOCAL LOUNGE, TOSSED BACK A FEW, THEN I'M GOING TO GO GOLF, OH TO BROOKS BROTHERS, TO OTHER WHITE PEOPLE THINGS. >> I CAN'T BELIEVE I ESCAPED THE MONOLOG UNSCATHED. >> Greg: I DECIDED TO GO LIGHT ON YOU BECAUSE LATER I AM GOING TO DESTROY YOU. WHAT DID YOU MAKE OF THE EZRA KLEIN ADMITTING THAT TRUMP ISN'T REALLY HITLER AND THAT THEY KNEW THAT ALL ALONG? >> THERE ARE TWO PARTS TO THAT. I WILL BREAK THESE DEMOCRATS INTO TWO CATEGORIES. NORMAL AND REALLY LIBERAL. A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY THERE IS NO NORMAL DEMOCRAT BUT HEAR ME OUT. THEY ARE LIKE THE REGULAR REPUBLICAN, THE REGULAR INDEPENDENT, THE REGULAR AMERICAN. THEY KNOW DEEP DOWN DONALD TRUMP WANTS LOWER TAXES, LOWER CRIME, A CLOSED BORDER, AND THEY KNOW THAT THAT PLATFORM IS NOT A THREAT TO DEMOCRACY. EVEN THOUGH THEY HAVE TO, YOU KNOW, PUT THE PARTY LINE OUT THERE. IT'S THE FAR LEFTIES FOR WHOM OPEN BORDERS, SOCIALISM AND HAVING CRIMINALS ROME FREE-THROW THE COUNTRY TERRORIZING IS THEIR DREAM OF DEMOCRACY. SO WHEN YOU VIEW DEMOCRACY IS THAT, YES, DONALD TRUMP IS A THREAT, BUT THAT'S NOT DEMOCRACY, THAT'S INSANITY AND DONALD TRUMP HAS POINTED THAT OUT AND YOU ARE SO RIGHT TO POINT OUT HE RUNS INTO THE HOAX, SHOOTS IT DOWN AND THAT IS WHY HE'S ABOUT TO HAVE A CONVENTION WHERE HE CRUSHES IT. THE DEMOCRATS ARE STRUGGLING RIGHT NOW, THEIR ENTIRE PARTY IS IN DISARRAY, IT'S WHY THE REPUBLICANS ARE ON TOP RIGHT NOW >> Greg: THERE YOU GO. SPOKEN LIKE A TRUE AGING GOLF PRO. DOESN'T HE LOOK LIKE THAT? DO YOU THINK THE DEMOCRATS WILL LEARN A LESSON OR ARE THEY GOING TO KEEP PUMPING OUT THE HOAXES? >> I THINK WHAT EZRA KLEIN SAID IS THE HOAX. I THINK THAT THIS FEELS LIKE A PLANTED STORY TO GET DONALD TRUMP AND HIS TEAM TO LET THEIR GUARD DOWN. KNOWING WHAT THEY'VE DONE IN THE PAST. IT'S DON'T WORRY, THE DEMOCRATS NO LONGER SEE YOU AS A THREAT. THEY ARE NO LONGER OUT TO GET YOU. AFTER THE DOSSIER, RUSSIAN COLLUSION HOAX THAT WENT ON FOR YEARS, WHICH NANCY PELOSI WAS TALKING ABOUT TWO DAYS AGO, AND THE LEGAL WARFARE, THE VAST LEGAL WARFARE UP AND DOWN THE COAST [ BLEEP ] THAT. THE COAST IS NOT CLEAR FOR DONALD TRUMP IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM, SO WE'VE SEEN THE CATERWAULING ON THE TV, THE UNHINGED AND UNMEDICATED, THOSE ARE SIRENS SURE BUT IT'S ALWAYS BEEN WHAT WE CANNOT HEAR AND CANNOT SEE BY THE DEMOCRATS THAT HAS ALWAYS BEEN THE DANGER. BECAUSE THEY WON'T TRY TO MAINTAIN CONTROL AND POWER BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY -- WILL TRY TO -- AND ON TT NOTE, JOE BIDEN OUGHT TO BE WALKING AROUND IN A MEMORY FOAM ONESIE BECAUSE THE BIG SWINGING SCROTE OF HIS PARTY, YOU KNOW THEY ARE PLANNING A SLIP AND FALL. HEY JOE, HOW ABOUT A MIDNIGHT PUTTING RUN? AND THEN HE'S IN A COMA. >> Greg: IT'S TRUE, I AGREE. >> Greg: IT FEELS LIKE THE MAKINGS OF A COLOMBO EPISODE, THE FIRST SEGMENT WHEN THEY MEET WITH THE AGING PRESIDENT AND THEN HE SLIPS IN THE BATHTUB AND THERE'S NO WITNESSES. DAVID ANGELO, YOU ARE AN ASTUTE POLITICAL OBSERVER, I'M DYING TO HERE WHAT YOU THINK IS GOING ON WITH THESE HOAXES. >> ULTIMATELY I'M JUST A HUMBLE RAZOR SALESMAN, RIGHT, I DON'T WANT TO OVERSELL IT. THE HOAXES, IT'S BEEN EVERYTHING , TRUMP IS A RUSSIAN AGENT, WE WENT THROUGH THAT FOR A COUPLE YEARS, HUNTER'S LAPTOP, THEN JOE BIDEN IS FINE, WE DID THAT, THEN RECENTLY THEY DROPPED THE GUARD ON THAT. SO YOU COULD SAY HE'S HITLER BUT IF SOMEONE IS REALLY BAD, YOU DON'T COMPARE HIM TO -- HE WAS ALREADY PRESIDENT, YOU CAN'T REALLY SCARE US INTO, LIKE, WE ALREADY DID THIS, WE'VE SEEN THIS MOVIE BEFORE. IF HE WAS REALLY BAD, YOU DON'T NEED TO COMPARE -- THEY WEREN'T COMPARING HITLER TO HITLER, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? >> Greg: THAT'S TRUE. >> NO ONE IN GERMANY WAS LIKE THIS ADOLF HITLER GUY, HE COULD BE THE NEXT LEOPOLD THE THIRD, YOU KNOW,. HE WAS HITLER. THERE WAS NO COMPARISON. >> Greg: THAT'S TRUE. WE NEED LIKE A BEFORE HITLER AND AFTER HITLER. >> BASICALLY WHAT IT IS. >> Greg: THAT'S AN INTERESTING POINT. I THINK THIS WHOLE THING FELL APART BECAUSE THEY DID NOT THINK IT THROUGH. IF TRUMP WAS THE EXISTENTIAL RISK, WHY ARE YOU PUTTING MISTER MAGOO UP AGAINST HIM? THAT WAS HOW IT ALL FELL APART. >> BIDEN SAID IT HIMSELF IN THAT INTERVIEW, HE SAID HIMSELF, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU RUN AND TRUMP WINS AND BIDEN SAID I WOULD FEEL OKAY AS LONG AS I KNEW I DID MY BEST. IF I WERE THE ONE MAN STANDING BETWEEN THE WORLD AND HITLER AND HITLER GOT PASS ME, I WOULD NOT BE LIKE WELL, I GAVE IT 110%. AND THEN OFF TO PANERA. BUT I THINK THE REALLY SAD PART ABOUT ALL OF THIS, THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO I DO THINK BELIEVE IT, YOU CAN SEE THEM BEING AFRAID OF THIS WHICH DOESN'T MAKE SENSE BECAUSE WE ALREADY SAW A TRUMP PRESIDENCY. SO THEN PEOPLE WILL SEE THE OTHER SIDE, THE VOTERS, NOT JUST PEOPLE WITH WHOM THEY DISAGREE ABOUT, LIKE, YOU ACTUALLY DON'T CARE. IF I'M GOING TO END UP IN A CAMP, AND IT DOES HORRIBLE THINGS TO OUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH EACH OTHER. IT'S NOT LIKE THIS IS JUST A ZERO SOMETHING WHERE THE ONLY THING THAT THAT STAKE'S POLITICS. IT'S ACTUAL REAL RELATIONSHIPS AND FAMILIES AND AMONG FRIENDS THAT ARE AFFECTED BY THIS. AND IT'S SO INFURIATING. >> Greg: IT'S NOT LIKE YOU DISAGREE ON BANDS. IT'S LIKE -- >> YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT MY HUMANITY. >> Greg: YOU WANT ME TO DIET. >> THEY WANT ME TO BE PUT -- I'VE SEEN THAT EARNESTLY SAID BY PEOPLE, THEY SEEM SERIOUS. >> Greg: YOU KNOW WHAT'S A GOOD COME BACK? YEAH, A FAT CAMP. >> WHY THE FAT JOKE? >> HERE'S HOW UNSERIOUS DEMOCRATS ARE ABOUT PROTECTING DEMOCRACY, THEY ARE CURRENTLY -- JOE BIDEN WON THE PRIMARY, THEY ARE TRYING TO COUP HIM RIGHT NOW. THEY ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF A COUP TO PUSH HIM OUT. SO THEY DON'T CARE. HE'S THE GUY. THIS IS AN INSURRECTION. >> Greg: IT REALLY IS. THE REPUBLICANS HAVE ONE, LIKE, POP-UP INSURRECTION, YOU KNOW, THEY DID NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY WERE DOING. THESE GUYS HAVE BEEN DOING IT FOREVER. >> DID YOU JUST CALL JANUARY 6th A POP-UP? CRAZY. >> Greg: SHOP ONLINE
