Are you guys fucking kidding me? You have YouTube backing you, you have money, You have fame. You have millions of fans that would go and watch your film. You have resources: sets, costumes, cameras, actors. You're in the heart of the entertainment industry! ...And you put together this colossal fucking piece of garbage. It's abundantly clear that no one involved with this film put any effort into it. The only point I can give it, is that it's in focus, which is a hard job to do. That focus puller, whoever he is, you did a good job. Ghostmates is the laziest sack of shit I've seen in a long time. Everything about this movie is boring, forgettable, cliche and most of all, LAZY. The movie stars Anthony and Ian, of SMOSH, which is a channel on YouTube that makes..."comedy skits". They made a movie, two years ago, called "SMOSH: The Movie", and it was terrible just like I thought it would be. And I've reviewed the SMOSH movie on this channel, but Jesus, after watching this, I long for those days. Compared to "Ghostmates", the SMOSH movie is actually much, MUCH better. The SMOSH movie has some creative ideas: lots of different sets and locations, cameos from famous YouTubers you can get a kick out of. EFFORT was put in. Not a lot of effort, but effort nonetheless. Now we get this hunk of shit which is completely devoid of effort! It's "anti-effort". It's a black hole of effort. Looking back at my SMOSH review, I was really lenient and nice... As nice as i could've been. There's nothing to get mad about with that movie They tried to make a funny movie and they failed I see bad movies from time to time, they don't make me angry. Bad movies are failures. sometimes they don't work out. But "Ghostmates" is a special kind of movie and i don't even wanna use that word because being special can be considered a positive characteristic. This movie is so fucking boring and lazy, I have nothing but contempt for it and for everyone involved. Including these two jackasses. I would blame Anthony and Ian for this horrible idea, but they had nothing to do with the making of this film. This movie's being toted as if it's made by the SMOSH crew but it isn't "We had a lot more control over this one. We were involved from the very beginning to the very end." It's directed by Jack Henry Robbins? and written by Ryan "Finnery"? Finner-Finerty? So besides the fact that Anthony and Ian are in it, they had about as much creative input as T-Pain did So this director, he's made a couple of shorts before and some documentaries He made one movie called "Opening Night" So then he made "Ghostmates" This movie has no style to it whatsoever, the entire thing is just shot: "Just get a wide, and then you get two medium shots, and then you get two close ups what a creative and innovative way of telling the story" And then you get the writer. He's directed, like, nothing he directed one episode of- pshh SMOSH is not a TV series- And he's written just a bunch of garbage "Rogue River"? "Children of Sparrow"? I like the tagline to "Children of Sparrow"... "He lied" I wonder if he wrote the poster so I looked at his page and he has credit for writing a lot of these SMOSH skits So I looked, like, deeper into it Look at all these writers! I guess what I'm trying to say, not that there is anything wrong with this necessarily, is that I don't think Anthony and Ian even write their fucking skits anymore. I think they just sit back and count their money while a bunch of interns just write a bunch of garbage. If their skits are as funny as ghost mates, well at least I'll have my suicide on camera. we press like three hundred dollars
those puppies back try 325 on the cold I'm just gonna click on whatever, Oh my God, there's a lot of skits here. Do they have, like, other people that make skits for them? Like, I thought there would be something funny to like, comment on here, but it's just fucking terrible. ONE LETTER OFF TV SHOWS I can already tell that this is comedy gold. STRANGER THONGS That's funny. I mean, I love Stranger Things, so I'll click on that thumbnail instantly. Anthony and Ian, you're just so relevant. Fall House. Ah man, I can't wait to see what this one is. I betcha go to, like, fucking AIDS house or something Oh GLUE. Ohhh man. Oh, th-,it was a horse! Changing a-a letter to a name of a show is, isn't funny Like Saturday Might Live, I-I get it. It's going to be A girl, or a guy named Saturday, In a hospital room, and they might live. I-I got the, I got the joke Just from the title But then they take, Ten minutes To set up this sketch Where they just explain the title, like Saturday, might live GLUE! *SMACK* IT'S FUCKING BRILLIANT This is the one i clicked on the video for, I can't wait. Hey, Nancy, thanks for letting me wear your thong. Oh, I don't wear thongs Barb Wait, then who's thong is this? It's mine! What was even the joke And, oh I guess he's a stranger, okay at least they le- I'm a stranger! Oh, of course, you explain it GLUE! ITWASAHORSE! Oh my god, what's wrong? Nothing. Then wire you crying? CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG ARGHHHHHHHHHH That one just doesnt make any sense. Queefs happen when a man is having sex with a woman, and the penis just goes *phrgh* like that and makes a little fart noise because air is releasing. So just having her open her legs and just like ARGHHHHHHHHH ERROR, ERROR, VIDEO STOPPED, ERROR, ERROR, VIDEO STOPPED WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THIS? Hello Ralphmoviemaker This is Youtube How dare you attack us We gave you a living, A livelihood. We gave you a fanbase It is because of us you make mad money and crush mad puss now WHAT THE FUCK? You should not be the one saying WTF It is us who should be saying WTF You Mother Fucker Er, I'm just reviewing a movie! We shall rain down mass false flags and copyright claims on your channel It's just one movie It is not just one film Smoosh are near and dear to us And you are messing with our baby We shall destroy you. We shall end you You're taking it the wrong way I would never, intentionally, sabotage the people that gave me my livelihood! You are attacking one of many of our Youtube Red original exclusives Youtube Red is an amazing service And we do not need any more fat necked gay men attacking our site I'm, I'm not attacking Youtube Red I swear to God. Prepare the lube because we're about to assault your channel, sexually Cunt Hot hot hot hot hot hot hot No please don't do this, this is my living, this Hot hot hot hot hot hot This is all I have! Please! Make it up to us ralphmoviemaker Make it up to us I know how to make it up to you. give me a chance Go on *upbeat music* Hey guys, it's me, ralphthemoviemaker here Now, I know I've been shitting on the Smosh, film Now I know I've been shitting a lot on Ghostmates Which is a Youtube Red original film For those of you who don't know what Youtube Red is Youtube Red is a subscription service. And you can pay Youtube, to watch some, incredible original content Now, the Smosh movie, Ghostmates Is obviously one of those things And while I-in my opinion I don't think Ghostmates is, is that good I think there are many other Youtube Red original films That are actually, solid Youtube Red original films, like The Key of Christmas In this film you can see the famous Youtuber, Rudy Mancuso Go through a whole Christmas adventure. Up to the point where he finally gets to meet Mariah Carey Which is clearly not just some random scene That the, filmmakers inserted into the movie And they got some second unit to film Mariah Carey Lipsync over one of her songs and then just put Rudy there in insert shots The Story, oh god the story So I know comedy films aren't made or broken by their stories The only thing a comedy really needs to do is be funny Of course if it goes above and beyond the call of duty, then I give it bonus points But if it makes me laugh, then, whatever. It's fine We'll get into the humor later, but for now, let's just talk about the story ghost and Anthony moves into my
apartment and he can't get rid of me they were forced to be his roommate yeah
yeah so in the movie he helped me move Wow, how original That's not something I've seen a million times So I guess what happened with the script is someone at like Disney channel or something Has a desk drawer full of like, Disney channel original movies That they never made And "Ghostmates" was one of them And I guess some producer found it and he was like "Anthony and Ian, we can make a movie out of this" And then Anthony and Ian were counting their money and were like "Oh, okay" The movie starts with Ian in this horribly unfunny scene and these two breake up You know I'm not even mad I'm not okay I'm just, I'm disappointed I thought you were gonna ask me to marry you Marry you? Babe we're super young that's like old people stuff What a great way to start a comedy. I'm laughing already. You're not. Screw your prem A proposal Jessica! Wait! No! The fuck was that? So the Door knob comes off Anthony's tie is stuck Don't. Don't. Oh my god. Wait, where's his tie? His tie is through the door right? Is that really too hard to do? Step on the spot that's not wet. Grab the coat rack behind you. The floor doesn't seem that slippery. I hate to break it to ya. Okay just cause I'm an asshole I wanna put this to the test. So this is almost exactly the same floor that they have in the movie. Wouldn't you say? It's like wooden little bit of a polish on it. If anything this floor is actually more slippery than the one in the movie. Then we have my shoes and we have a bottle of water so let's put this to the test. So in the Smosh movie Ian is slipping and sliding all over the place. Let's pour this here. Okay just to test this even further I'm actually going to put myself in the same position Ian was in the movie. with the thing around my neck I wish I could say this
is the first time I tried to kill myself but that wouldn't be true. How fun would it be if my mom decided to walk in right now? okay ready
let the test begin when are you going to grow up
say something Eddie say something or we're done so then the cleaning crew
gets there and they're all laughing and taking pictures with the dead body
fucking dead bodies we got this on Instagram real quick let's get in there
oh yeah and the world renowned comedian Anthony Padilla no $200 works yeah just
meet me at my place just um 1750 do we drive moves in and Ian is there
chilling out you know they're annoyed by each other so then for no reason at all
Ian decides to get Anthony tickets to t-pain's rendition of the Raven and then
we have this entire pointless scene of t-pain re-enacting the Raven in a
fucking warehouse is this really the best set you could get there are 10
extras here do not hire more what does this have to do with anything look at
all the extras oh my god there aren't even fucking chairs so what you have to
stand up in this warehouse and watch t-pain perform the Raven upon a midnight
dreary it was started getting like really really worried look dude if we
all get people who's gonna know you are ruining my frickin life are you kidding
me you're not safe fucking see you got the
second are you kidding me he's dead what in the fuck was that
so this happens the t-pain can ascend to heaven and tell Ian that he has to take
care of his unfinished business in order to go to heaven Anthony has to help out
Ian by like hanging out with his girlfriend did I also mention the movie's
an hour and 20 minutes barely feature-length the rest of the
movie they just pad it with really awful scenes you're the best that I
could ever hope for and I'm sorry I took that for granted
you're the best dad I could ever hope for and I took you for granted
bad jokes I brought the box of the stuff in it I mean I'm proud to stuff with the
boxes I mean I brought the stuff with your boxes
I mean I have I have long improv scenes where nothing happens
how do you choke on a corndog let's try to see how far to fit the corndog my
throat why would a 12 year old boy need to try that
I just want to see if like I said the full corndog in my throat and wrap my
lips around the stick so I guess God or something writes three names on Ian's
chest these are the three people he has to resolve his grievances with otherwise
he can't go to heaven Rick Bowman dad and Jessica why is Rick
Bowman's name spelt out in its entirety but jessica's isn't why didn't God just
put his dad's name down just could not even have a last name can we check the
credits for a second oh no she doesn't have a last name couldn't you just write
in a last name why does everyone just have a first name
except Rick Bowman sure and change the spelling of the name big Blauman yeah my
man you got away with that yeah you get it
his name is Rick Bowman I changed a dick blowman yes it's so close to rick bowman yeah but it's dick Blowman Wow that Photoshop job is genius yeah I
actually told them that there's something under my debt so you name it
out with low man so this is supposed to be a high school even though everyone
looks like they're 23 words Lomond I have a question the name is Bowman the
question what's it like to blow a man you know that's not even a clever joke I
would joke of my name and as you may know I'm happily divorced this is so
fucking sad I feel like I'm watching Manchester by the sea not a Smosh comedy
this guy's divorced he broke up with his girlfriend he killed himself he's in
debt he's going blind my brothers in Arkansas t-pain dies we
have to see a father confront his son's dead-body who is a comedy yeah
then Ian's ex walks in to collect his things again another hilarious scene
she's dressed up like a zombie by the way because she's an extra in a show
where she plays a zombie this is apparently consistent work for her even
though these zombies are pretty disposable why didn't she take the
makeup off before she went to this guy's house what a terrible way to introduce
this whole zombie show plotline that happened sorry this is the worst fucking
photoshopped picture I've ever seen could you not even like get them in the
same room to take this picture it took like a stock photo and then took two
separate pictures of them and place them together why take a picture in front of
the Fresno California sign oh my god what kind of fucking picture is that
that's like putting this picture of me in my funeral so now we get another
hilarious scene of a father grieving over his dead son
so Ian's plan to confront his father is to put Anthony behind the coffin like
he's just laying down behind the coffin and ian is going to tell Anthony what to
say and then Anthony is going to pretend to be Ian and speak to the Father and
the father hopefully doesn't notice that fucking creepy guy laying down behind
the coffin with his head poking out so after the funeral Anthony's just
chilling by his car wearing Ian's suit and then that's when Ian's ex-girlfriend
and Ian's ex-girlfriends friends meet Anthony and these two decide to flirt
nice suit by the way I love that you're not afraid to show ankle skin told you
you're so fashion-forward on the day of her ex-boyfriend's funeral you're making
her feel great is that Eddie's suit? oh just say no yes then they cut to the
TV show that they're filming why is it letterboxed TV shows aren't letterboxed
movies are the scene has nothing to do with anything I thought they were
setting up some creative set piece that would happen at the end of the movie
like Anthony would have to fight off ian on the zombie set or something and
there'd be like lots of fake blood and shooting it would be crazy fun but no
that requires effort and talent so instead they just go on set and they
just talk like a teenage Khan Meryl about the Cal College system try then
they go to this Indian place and they want a Bollywood rendition of the
notebook it's not even funny like they're not even trying to be funny
it's just them dancing because it's next one out the best extra
in the world oh my god that's so me then they talk about corn dogs for ten
minutes then Ian possesses Anthony's body and tries to rape her
you could get dirty yeah then the end of the movie is them realizing Ian is a
ghost and they make up and then Ian goes to heaven this is by far one of the most
bizarre ending shots I've ever seen in a movie I'm just gonna let it play out what the hell is that why did all the
power go out and at the same ending as mr. robot season two isis execution
videos are funnier than this movie there is not a single funny joke in this
entire film yeah people used to call me mr. fashion all the time like mr.
fashion stuff some jokes don't even make any sense
okay you will not believe what the guy over in 1748 looks like naked yeah you
know what color is this what the fuck does that mean is that an
asshole joke I swear to god I had to watch it like twice to understand what
the fuck he was trying to say I went to the guy next door he was naked you know
what I mean he's trying to say that his assholes
Brown it's the same thing that happened with that new Ghostbusters movie there
was really no material for the actors to work with because the script is horrible
and so the director just figured bill improvise they're funny guys and so most
of the movie isn't really plot happening it's just characters talking about
nonsense the directors desperately trying to get
something funny out of them but they just have nothing just boring drawn-out
scenes of people rambling trying to find some comedic footing but they can't and
it's embarrassing to watch hey it's pretty creepy to have another couple of
photos all over the place they can page it's different
oh those not I thought those were just the cheesy one cheating pictures that
came in those uh strains I couldn't even get any comedic mileage out of the
premise it's been done a million times and on top of that the movies just more
depressing and mean than it is funny constantly going to funerals dealing
with grief bullying suicide I think I'm dying cheap and lazy I don't know the
budget of this movie it's probably not as much as Smosh movie but regardless of
your budget you can do some amazing things with a
small budget there are many many directors who have made fantastic works
of art with no money I'm going to guess this movie cost half a million to a
million dollars just guessing what I've seen people do more with $7,000 than this movie does with half a million money is not an excuse for this movie
because it's so clear that they didn't care the first 18 minutes of this movie
entirely take place in Ian's house then we get like five minutes in this
terrible warehouse with 10 extras and it looks so cheap and bad then we go to the
school for a little bit and it's clearly like a high school set with one hallway
that is used for everything then there's this set which is clearly just like the
production studio parking lot and they got some prop car from mad max
just plopped it in the middle then there's this stupid Bollywood set I
don't know what the fuck this is it's so cheap none of the shots in this movie
are dynamic the visual effects are bad the actors are amateur not that I can
blame them they have nothing to work with and the story itself is a
cookie-cutter Disney Channel movie not even a good one like High School Musical
my favorite film of all time why I have a hard time cutting these guys slack
they seem like nice people I've sifted through a lot of interviews with them
and most of them aren't bad they don't say any cringy shit they're funny and
charming and nice it's just when you put them in a movie they stink this is just
a complete waste of time I wouldn't recommend this to anybody not
saying you shouldn't buy YouTube red subscription because YouTube red has
tons of awesome content man welcome back to the YouTube red zone where I talk to
you about all the exclusive YouTube red things that come out we got the new show
by Vsauce called mind field which is actually good so I have no
jokes for it scare PewDiePie I fucking love PewDiePie man well how
funny is I'm Jewish and I still think he's not an anti-semite a trip to
unicorn Island I have no fucking idea what that is
lazer team which is also on Netflix you just watch it there dance camp man if
you're a dancer just film is for you man I learned some pretty sick moves from
this film you want to see some we regret to inform you the video you
are currently watching has been deleted from YouTube we are sorry for the
inconvenience to make up for it we shall sing you a lovely song they give me your
answer do I'm crazy all for the love of you he won't be a stylish marriage I
can't afford the carriage but your look on the seat of a bicycle built for two
Hit 1 million views a few hours ago. Thank you!