A Million Ways to Die in the West is about as funny as being diagnosed with cancer Not for lack of trying, not because of a low budget, or bad actors or bad cinematography, but because the man in charge simply wasn't able to make a good film. That is what makes this film so interesting. Most of the films I talk about suck because the director doesn't have complete control over the project. Films like ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐๐ฎ๐ข๐ป๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐๐ฑ๐ช๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ณ-๐๐ข๐ฏ 2 or ๐๐ณ๐ข๐ฏ๐ด๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด 4 suck because they are products made by studios to sell video games and toys and all kinds of crap. This film was made by Seth MacFarlane. He is the writer, the director, the star, the producer - he did everything. EVERYTHING. "I can't even imagine his world. I mean, he has this movie which is all-encompassing. I mean, you're acting all day, you're then between takes having to go back and re-watch that very take on playback to see how it went, and then deciding on all these things, plus you're in pre-production for the next day's work, ๐ฑ๐ญ๐ถ๐ด you're looking at dailies from the previous day's work, ๐๐๐๐ he's got two pilots that just got picked up, plus he's doing full-time as, you know, executive producer, and 15 voices on two television series that are already running. So, I don't know. I'm guessing he's a crystal meth addict." He had complete creative control over this project. There is no one to blame but Seth MacFarlane. Everyone else brought their a-game: the actors are good, the score is fine, the cinematography is beautiful, the effects are good, but the writing and directing... not so much. "Sorry. Sorry, my fucking phone is on." This whole review is basically directed at Seth himself. Not a corporate America or Hollywood producers, this is "@seth." This isn't a bitter review because Seth isn't an Adam Sandler. He actually genuinely cares about his films, and he tries. Whether you like him or not, he does try and he is capable of being funny. Plus, he is an extremely talented guy- he can write, direct, sing, dance, write music. He understands animation and film. He does everything himself, and while he is very hit-or-miss, sometimes he hits. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news. Your wife's gonna be a vegetable. You'll have to bathe her, feed her, and care for her the rest of her life." "Oh my God." "No, no, no, I'm just kidding! She's dead." ๐๐ข๐ฎ๐ช๐ญ๐บ ๐๐ถ๐บ is very hit-or-miss. ๐๐ฆ๐ฅ is very hit-or-miss. Seth is a guy who throws everything at the wall and sees what sticks. This is less of a mean review and more of a "Hey, Seth. Here's what you did wrong. Just so you know for next time, because I am now an accomplished, award-winning director, which means I can give other directors advice. I'm better than you. So please, Seth, if you're watching this, take my advice, listen to me. I don't think you're the death of cinema. This is an honest, entertaining review of why this film doesn't work. It's a critical and financial flop, and I'm about to tell you why, Seth. So just relax and enjoy, alright, buddy?" That being said, "Hi. You're being sent this video because someone wants to know what the fuck you were thinking. What the fuck is going through your head? What did you think was gonna happen? Are you just a fucking idiot? Do you just not think? What the fuck were you thinking? That's why they're sending you this video - because it absolutely fucking baffles them that you did something so fucking retarded!" (Pleasant music) Seth MacFarlane's giant ego. Seth MacFarlane thinks he's hot shit. I'm gonna tell you right now- you are not a leading man. You don't have charisma. As a matter of fact, you're pretty unlikable. Comedies are very much reliant on the lead star, or the lead duo. You are not capable of playing a charismatic, interesting, down-to-earth person. The main character in this movie is an asshole, and he's unlikable. You don't have to make him a complete idiot, but when you make him into a cynical asshole, everyone starts to hate him. "I have a fever of 102, 'Oh, you need a donkey kicking.' Y-you know our pastor has shot two people? ๐๐ถ๐ณ ๐ฑ๐ข๐ด๐ต๐ฐ๐ณ." "๐๐ฐ." "๐๐ฐ." "Honest to God. Shot a guy in a duel, and then, went back and killed the guy's teenage son, because he was afraid he would kill him out a revenge. By the way, look at this, see those guys over there? The guys who work in the silver mines? See what they're eating? Ribs doused in hot sauce. They eat hot, spicy foods every meal today. You know why?" (Ralph: [Mocking character with intentionally obnoxious noises.]) Why would I want to follow this character? Why would anyone want to listen to a cynical a- oh wait. I could see other actors portraying this character and making them likable or at least interesting to watch. But Seth just isn't good at acting. I'm sorry, Seth, you can play cartoon characters really well, but when you have to be a real person, it doesn't work. This is what separates the greatest comedians of all time from hack pieces of shit. Let's look at Kevin James and Chris Farley. Kevin James is essentially the new Chris Farley, except Kevin James stinks. He's not funny. He's not charismatic. And so he only relies on being fat. "Hey, I'm the fat guy. Watch me slam into things and fall." (Sounds of fat guy slamming into things and falling.) Chris Farley was a much better comedian. And he could make scenes that weren't that funny, ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ funny. "Our new brake pads are really cool. You're not even gonna believe it. Like. Um, let's say you're driving along the road with your family, and you're driving along...(๐ญ๐ข-๐ญ๐ฆ-๐ญ๐ข-๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ฐ-๐ฐ๐ฐ) Then, all of a sudden, there's a truck tire in the middle of the road, and you hit the brakes. (๐๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฌ) Whoa. That was close. (๐๐ฆ-๐ฉ๐ข!) (Inhale.) Now let's see what happens when you're driving with the 'other guys'' brake pads. You're driving along, you're driving along, ya know, and all of a sudden the kids are yelling from the backseat, 'I gotta go to the bathroom, Daddy!' 'Not now, damn it!' ๐๐ณ๐ถ๐ค๐ฌ ๐ต๐ช๐ณ๐ฆ! (๐๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฆ) 'I CAN'T STAHP! ' (sounds of a mid-life crisis) '๐๐๐๐๐๐!' 'There's a cliff. ๐๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฉ!' (๐๐๐) And your family screaming, 'Oh my God, we're burning alive!!! Nooo, I can't feel my legs!' In comes the meat wagon. (๐๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฆ-๐ฐ๐ฐ-๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฆ-๐ฐ๐ฐ-๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฆ-๐ฐ๐ฐ) And the medic gets out and says, '๐๐ฉ ๐ฎ๐บ ๐๐ฐ๐ฅ.' New guy's in the corner puking his guts out. (Various vomiting noises) All because you want to save a couple extra pennies." That scene was all in the performance. It wasn't in the writing. It wasn't in the directing. Seth MacFarlane is ๐ฅ๐ถ๐ญ๐ญ, and it's not because he's lazy. It's just cuz he's not good at it. It isn't like an Adam Sandler who's just lazy. Adam Sandler is so much more talented in this field than Seth MacFarlane is. Adam Sandler just doesn't give a shit. Have you ever seen Adam Sandler actually try at a movie? When he tries, he's really good! (Sung) 'I can't believe I found a love that's so pure and true. ๐๐ถ๐ต ๐ช๐ต ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ ๐ธ๐ข๐ด ๐ฃ๐ถ๐ญ๐ญ๐ด๐ฉ๐ช๐ต! ๐๐ต ๐ธ๐ข๐ด ๐ข ๐จ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ข๐ฎ๐ฏ ๐ซ๐ฐ๐ฌ๐ฆ! ๐๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ, ๐๐ช๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ข, ๐ ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ฑ๐ฆ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ง๐ถ๐ค๐ฌ๐ช๐ฏ' ๐ค๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ฌ๐ฆ! I-" It's just trying takes ๐ฆ๐ง๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ๐ต. That's why Seth MacFarlane trying to be the leading man in this movie is kind of... commendable. That being said, his giant ego blinds him to the fact that he's not a very good leading man, and that there are so many more talented actors around him who could make this film better, and yet he chooses to focus on himself. You are surrounded by a lot of talented people. ๐๐ด๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฎ! You don't have to do everything. A large part of filmmaking, believe it or not, is team work, and when you do everything yourself, sometimes the movie doesn't come out great. I usually complain about directors not having any control over their projects, but this is the exact opposite. He has ๐ต๐ฐ๐ฐ ๐ฎ๐ถ๐ค๐ฉ control over his project. And so there's no voice of reason to say that "this scene doesn't work" or "this scene isn't funny" or "this scene is unnecessary." And that's why this movie is two hours long of just bullshit. Scenes go on ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ. (A full 13 seconds of the pleasant sounds of dysentery) (Another millisecond) (Here we go again.) Holy shit. This scene is still going. ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐. (Majestic music) Wasted talent. There are so many incredibly talented, funny actors in this movie that are ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ต๐ฆ๐ญ๐บ ๐ธ๐ข๐ด๐ต๐ฆ๐ฅ. I'm not saying Sarah Silverman is, you know, the next Louis C.K. I don't think she's that funny, but there's no reason for a talented, female comedian to do nothing in a film, but say sexual things. "Oh! Ooh. I had to give a blowjob. Sorry." That is all she does. Her character isn't interesting, her character isn't funny. She's just there to say, "This one man wanted me to smoke a cigar, and then ash on his balls while I'm jerking him off, and I'm like 'What? Can I do all that? Hehe.'" (In a depressed manner) "Yeah..." Here are two incredibly talented, funny people that are given ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ to do in this movie. Their only kind of subplot is that they have to have sex, and the joke is she works at a whorehouse, yet she doesn't want to give up her virginity to her boyfriend until they are married because they're Christian. This is a joke that gets old after about 20 (or) 30 seconds. So maybe if you had developed it, made it interesting, made it funny, I would have cared. But no, she's just there to say sexual things and he's just there to say silly things and dance. And all of this leads up to: "I'm ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ horny right now." "HmM. Let's go in the shade and fuck." And that's it. That's the end of their plot. That was really worth the 20 minutes of fucking screen time you took up, Seth. ๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฌ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ด๐ฐ ๐ฎ๐ถ๐ค๐ฉ. "... and the-the old, west prostitute is a-a a therapist. Uh. Friend. Shoulder to cry on. A bartender. And a whore. So that's a lot. And, then um...you know. Big responsibility. Kinda like keeps- keeps everybody happy...' 'There is something where I think he truly true- is is truly in love with Ruth and um all he wants to do is respect her." "๐'๐ฎ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฏ๐บ ๐ณ๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ต ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ธ." There are talented actors in this movie who are literally in it for five seconds! (Gunshot) What?! Why was Ryan Reynolds in this movie? Was it supposed to be funny? "Oh look it's Ryan Reynolds, and he got shot." Was that supposed to defy my expectations or make me laugh? Or should I s- Wut? (Gunshot) So was that funny? Was that clever? It was just a reference to a thing and it didn't fit in this film at all. It was just there to be stupid. Do you really expect to win me over because you have a cameo in there? Who gives a shit? Famous actors show up just to have references. Here's a reference to ๐๐ข๐ค๐ฌ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐๐ถ๐ต๐ถ๐ณ๐ฆ. It's not funny. They don't do anything with it. You're just supposed to laugh cuz "look, it's Doc Brown and he has the DeLorean and we know what it is, but this guy doesn't. And he says 'Great Scott' because he said 'Great Scott' in ๐๐ข๐ค๐ฌ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐๐ถ๐ต๐ถ๐ณ๐ฆ. Isn't that funny?" "Great Scott!" It isn't funny. So here's this incredibly talented cast and all of their scenes had to be cut down. Or cut out. Why? To make more time for Seth MacFarlane. We need more boring scenes of people talking. "...(it) was a whole scene that got cut out of the movie where, basically, th- th-they're all- they're all to funeral and the cause of death was a splinter. Actually that other doctor seen was- was I-I'm kind of upset that didn't make it in (the) movie." If it was funny, then why'd you cut it out of the movie?! (Hardcore beats) The technical side to making a comedy/lack of authenticity. One thing this movie really could have had going for it, even if it's not a very funny movie, if it had been a good western, I would have enjoyed it. Problem is, even though the set design is really good, even though the cinematography is really good, Seth MacFarlane messed up the post-production. And so what should look like a really gritty western, ends up looking like a TV show. There's a show premiering on the History Channel about like, I don't know, the- the Alamo or something. And it has Bill Paxton in it. It's a TV show, and it looks so much better than this movie. Look at the costumes, look at the sets. They're so detailed and beautiful, but there's no grit. There's no film grain. ๐ can make this shot look better. Ready? Wow. It looks like a western. If I had felt like I was watching a western, this would have been a better film. And don't say some shit like "the film is not supposed to look like a western, cuz it's a silly comedy." Hey. Why don't you watch an Edgar Wright film? ๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ถ๐ฏ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ is a very good comedy, but it's also a very good zombie movie. ๐๐ฐ๐ต ๐๐ถ๐ป๐ป is a very funny movie as well, but it's also a very good action movie. It has all the tropes and the look of an action film, and it makes those scenes so much funnier when they make fun of action films. "In ๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ถ๐ฏ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ, the- the close-up montages were kind of- sort of making fun of action tooling up montages, in a way of taking quite mundane actions and- and the idea was in ๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ถ๐ฏ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ that you- you have all these mundane actions in the first half, and you finally build up to the final one, which is a gun toiling up montage. Then, in ๐๐ฐ๐ต ๐๐ถ๐ป๐ป, the idea was to subvert that by taking the most boring parts of police work, like paperwork, and making it a- super stylized and sort of a-approaching it in the way that Michael Bay or Ridley Scott or Tony Scott would. But that was the idea of taking the boring parts of the job and fetishizing them." I feel like I'm watching vacation footage at some kind of resort that's western-themed. Like I'm in a tourist attraction or something, and everyone's playing dress-up and playing pretend. I don't feel like I'm actually in the West. Everything feels like a set, even when they're in the middle of the desert and it clearly isn't a set, it still looks like a set. If a comedy is edited right and directed right, it could be very funny. Just look at an Edgar Wright movie - those are flawless. "Drinking." "Aaah." "Beer." "Pubs." "(Burp)" "Shall we?" (Drunken...thudding...?) Or even a Mel Brooks movie. You could either make the film look really authentic, or you can go the opposite side of the spectrum and make the film look nothing like the films its parodying. Look at ๐๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ต๐บ ๐๐บ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐๐ฐ๐ญ๐บ ๐๐ณ๐ข๐ช๐ญ. That movie looks like total shit, but that's what makes it so funny. They don't even ride horses! The lack of authenticity makes it work. "Gaaaah!" "Victory is mine!" Here is a film in the middle. Kind of wants to be a western, but at the same time, it doesn't want to be a western, because if it's too much like a western, then it isn't funny. What the hell is lighting them? The moon? They even fucked up lighting. One of my favorite things about the western genre is how they choose to light every scene. Especially in the dark. There are so many creative ways to light scenes in Western film. But then here's a film where just- it looks boring. I want you to go out in the desert at night. You can't see shit! How much more effective would the scene have been if it was lit by a campfire? I know these may seem like little things, but little things are what makes movies go from being good to being great. But no. It's studio lighting. They stand in there on a set, then they color correct it to make it a little bit more blue. And that's a goddamn shame because this film has tens of millions of dollars behind it. And it's a shame that even though they shot this in a desert, it still looks like a set. It's just a waste. There is nothing dynamic about the way this film is shot. Even though there's so many creative things you could do. Again, going back to Edgar Wright or even ๐๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ๐บ which I made, you could use editing and lighting and just little tricks to make things funny. Even music cues. "What if I actually started donating to charity? Then, maybe, people would start respecting me again. Then I had another thought." I could literally go on for hours about how editing and lighting and sound make scenes funny. But I don't think Seth understands these things. Seth: "Th-that these silver miners would go down into the mines, they would work all day, they would inhale all this poison gas, and it would dull their taste buds, so all they could taste were hot, spicy foods, and that's all they would eat and so it would cause all these intestinal issues and it would just destroy their guts. And, uh, and- and, you know, so that- that became like a "my god, there's gotta be something that we can do with that." (yet another fart "joke") (unnecessarily loud crashing noise) (fabulous Game Grumps laughingโข) And that's why this movie's so boring to look at, despite how much money was thrown at this film. This scene isn't funny. You know why? Because the sound design isn't good. "Then they just ship-(Disgustingly awful crushing sound with blood splattering noise) ๐๐๐๐! ๐๐๐๐!" It's funnier in the trailer. (Slightly better crushing sound with blood spattering noise) "๐๐๐๐! ๐๐๐๐! THAT WENT SOUTH SO FAST! AAAH!" A few tweaks in post-production, a few lighting changes, a few different decisions made by... people could have made this film better. BUT NO. SETH MACFARLANE HAS TO DO EVERYTHING EVEN THOUGH HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT HE'S DOING. "Oof!"(Elderly man laughter โข) (Explosion and concerned gasping) (Elderly man laughter โข) (Gunshots) (Elderly man laughter โข) (That awful crushing sound again)(Elderly man laughter โข) (Yelling)(Elderly man laughter โข) (Gunshot)(Elderly man laughter โข) (Return of the Pleasant Music) It's not a compelling story. Some people could say that he didn't want to be funny. He just wanted to make a western. And if you're gonna say that this movie was just an excuse for him to make a western, then it's a pretty bad western. There's a guy. He lost his girlfriend. And then a badass from out of town comes in. And he has a girlfriend. And the girlfriend, uh... is abused by him. And then she meets up with him. And they- they bond. And then they realize that they love each other. And then they have to fight the- their ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. And then Django comes and murders someone. (Gunshot) Pretty goddamn boring if you ask me. So my question is if this story was so not compelling then why are so many scenes spent just telling the story? The thing about a comedy is, if the story isn't good, most of the time, that comedy doesn't give a shit. The story is basically a loose framework, so that they can make set pieces. ๐๐ฐ๐ณ๐ณ๐ช๐ฃ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐๐ฐ๐ด๐ด๐ฆ๐ด is about three guys who want to kill their boss. Alright. That's a story. But that whole plot is just a framework so that they can go into houses and mess with shit or get into car chases. There aren't long, drawn-out scenes of people walking and talking about nothing but the plot. "Oh." "Oh, Edward. Hey. What's going on?" "Oh my Go-Albert. You look terrible." "Oh, wow, there's that confidence boost I need. Thanks a lot. How you doing buddy?" "Well, honestly, I'm a little worried about you. I haven't seen you in town in a week and a half and, you know, it seems like you're just staying in and sleeping all day." "I no- I don't- I just- I don't just stay home all day. I go out. You know- you know what I did on Tuesday? I went out to Charlie Blanche's ranch, and I paid him the money I owe him so he won't shoot me in the fucking face. I did that. That's going out." "Oh, well that's not really what I'm talking about." "Okay, look.Here's the truth, alright? I just feel like I need to stay here with my parents, you know. They're not gonna be around much longer and- and I just wanna be able to give back all the love and affection that ๐ got growing up." These scenes aren't funny or interesting. They don't even crack jokes in most of these scenes. And if they do, they're just one-off lines that aren't very funny. "Sorry about that. It's kind of a regular occurrence around here." "Really?" "Yeah." "Hey. Pretty fast hands back there. I guess you're a real hero." "Me? Yeah. No. No. I'm not the hero. I'm the guy in the crowd making fun of the hero's shirt. That's who I am." "Oh. Hey! Look who's here!" "Who's this?" "This is Plugger." "Hey, Plugger. So that, uh. That was your brother in there, huh?" "Yeah, Louis. He's always been a little rambunctious." "Yeah. He seems like a great guy. I'm, uh, Albert, by the way." "Anna." "You guys just got into town?" "Yeah." "Welcome to our awesome town." "Thanks. (Typing this is killing me slowly.) Louis and I just came out from Kansas City." "Oh, Kansas." "No, it's in, Missouri." "Oh. Right. That's annoying and weird." "We were wanting a change so we came out the frontier looking to build a farm." "Oh, that's what I do." "Really?" "Yeah. I got a farm about two miles from here." "Oh. Cattle?" "Uh, no. sheep." "Oh." "Yeah." "Well that's gotta be fulfilling work though, right?" "Uh. Yeah, it's great. It's like being a dog walker for a hundred and fifty really stupid dogs." (fabulous Game Grumps laughingโข) These scenes are meant to develop the characters. Like, what the fuck? We came here to laugh! We don't care about this boring love story that we've seen a thousand times. Show us something funny. We know it's going to happen, but if you make me laugh in between these boring scenes, then maybe I'll give a shit! There's something about filmmaking I don't think Seth understands and that is pacing. Every scene should be important, but, at the same time, every scene should be entertaining. Every scene shouldn't just be stupid bullshit. (Sung) "You may not have the dash, but you'll win yourself a girl if you only got a mustache. A mustache. A mustache. If you only got a mustache. " (?) But also every scene shouldn't just be people explaining the plot. "And, you know, it's like...the whole time we were together, I just remember thinking, 'How can I possibly be this happy? She likes me now, but one day, she's gonna figure out that she's too good for me.' And... then, one day, she did. I feel like I finally tricked one girl into falling in love with me and- and then I lost her." "I think you have this whole thing upside down. I mean, it sounds like you've bent over backwards for this girl, but what has she given you back?" "I told you, she allowed me to be happy in a part of the world that is otherwise a living hell." "'Allowed. Wow. That's kind of fucked up that you would use that word, you know that right?" "All I know is that there is nothing for me out here if I don't have her." Can't every scene in the movie just have a point and be funny at the same time? NO, that's "too hard." The story is predictable, bland, and formulaic. Sorry, bud. I don't give a shit. So let's see. Seth MacFarlane is not a very charismatic hero. The more charismatic supporting characters are barely given time.The movie looks like a cheap TV show, and the story isn't compelling. But none of that shit matters... if the film is funny. "It's not bad, you
know, it's an old west comedy. It reminds me of-" "It's not bad? It was hysterical!" (other old man laughโข) "There ain't no tooth fairy, ya idiot! Now clean up that horse sh*t!" (Nearly silent old lady laughโข) "Oh gross." This is one of the least funny films I've seen in a long time. Seth is just throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks. But the problem is, his turds are hard and none of it fucking sticks. It's just pellets that explode on impact and fall to the ground. See that wall? That's the wall Seth threw all his jokes at. It's clean as a whistle. From the first joke of this movie: "Food was scarce. Disease was rampant. And life was a daily struggle for survival. Hell, this was Miss America in 1880. Holy shit." Did I ever emphasize how important the opening to your film is? Oh yeah. I have. So if you're gonna start a comedy, please make sure that your first joke is very funny, or at least surprising someone. Even the first joke in ๐๐ฆ๐ฅ is pretty funny. "It was Christmas Eve and all the children were in high spirits. That special time of year, when Boston children gather together and beat up the Jewish kid." That's funny. But every joke in this movie just feels like a child wrote it. There are so many shit jokes and fart jokes. It's embarrassing. Do people still laugh at this shit? (Fart) "Oh!" (Dysentery) (More farting) "Ow! That came out of my penis!" (?) What the fuck am I watching? These scenes go on forever! It's like being in fucking purgatory. It just goes on...of just scenes of nothing. I don't even know if I'm supposed to be laughing or not! What the fuck is this? It's okay to make fun of the West or make fun of women or black people or Asians...whatever. If you attempt to tell a racist joke and it isn't funny, then you just kind of look like a racist. "If I was a black guy, this is the meanest trick you could play on me." If you tell a sexist joke, well, it's always funny. But if it's a bad one, you have to pretend like you didn't laugh, so that your girlfriend thinks you're pro-feminist, you know, and she'll (bleep) your (bleep). ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ) "I thought this was the funniest thing I've seen in years!" This is the definition of brilliant comedy? Did the script literally say, "Neil Patrick Harris shits into a hat for 20 minutes"? Making people laugh is something you have to earn. I''m sorry, but even making a funny joke isn't enough. And I think that's something people don't understand. You could say a funny joke, but that's not what makes the joke funny. Who's saying it makes it funny. The context it's in it makes it funny. The environment around it, the way it's shot - all of these things are what makes a scene funny. If you have an unlikable asshole with no charisma, and he says something that's mildly funny, you don't earn a chuckle, because we don't like our hero. It's all about making the audience feel comfortable in this world. Making them feel as if they're not being pandered to. Loosen them up a little. Make 'em forget about their lives. And prepare them for the fun they're about to have. Then they'll be more easygoing-more likely to laugh. It's what separates a suave, handsome man from a creepy, fat rapist. A handsome bachelor can catch (a) woman's attention with the way he presents himself, the way he talks, how much money he has, his car...A creepy rapist forces you into it. That's what ๐ ๐๐ช๐ญ๐ญ๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐๐ข๐บ๐ด ๐ต๐ฐ ๐๐ช๐ฆ ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐๐ฆ๐ด๐ต is. It's a rapist. It forces you to sit there and act as if what you are watching is funny. It forces you to shut your brain off, otherwise, you'll want to fucking kill yourself! That's not what a good comedy does. A good comedy doesn't hold you hostage. A good comedy makes you want to sit there and keep watching. I had no incentive to keep watching it other than to make this review of it. And if I had to take a shit or get a Ring Ding or pick up the phone or cut my nails or do my taxes, there would be nothing to make me want to pause the movie. I don't feel like I'm missing anything. Another pointless scene of someone farting or belching or taking a shit on a sheep or whatever. (Foreboding horror movie style music) So, Seth, try a little harder. Rely more on other people. Get other talented actors to do what you shouldn't be doing. There's nothing wrong with being proud of yourself. But your ego shouldn't hinder the quality of the movie. Because if you're a shitty pilot, the whole plane goes down with you. Right into a fucking mountain. (Epic explosion sound) (Beautifully dramatic outro music)
