GET UP AND GRIND | Tony Robbins Motivational Speeches

if you're truly with someone who doesn't share any of your values is really unkind then it's time to make a move but before you do that sometimes their lack of kindness their lack of joy their lack of things you want is you've changed the way you interact with them in the beginning people will do anything for their partner and then as time goes by they start developing expectations in the beginning you would do anything for them and it gave you joy to fill them up but as time goes by people tend to revert to a transaction where they're measuring things the more you measure it starts to drop so the greatest gift you bring to a relationship was what probably brought you to the first place is your state how many of you have fallen head over heels for somebody and it was just the joy or the happiness or the love or the sexiness it was their state that pulls you in how many can relate to this raise your hand here if you do and say i and so on the other hand what's really interesting is what we often change that state as we get in a relationship we develop new rules new expectations and expectations always leave you feeling empty and then if we talk to our friends they go yeah that's how men are that's how women are and then we reinforce more of these generalizations so your state your ability to bring something to the relationship is the power most people are trying to get something but that makes you feel empty because then it's a trade and so what we want to do today is i figured i could teach a bunch of principles but the most powerful way i teach and for example unleash power within or date with destiny is when i do interventions people stand up we don't know what they're going to say or do and i got to turn it around the only challenge in this hour format you know which has been three and a half hours the first day and i think two yesterday an hour and a half yesterday how do we do that because sometimes those interventions can go an hour hour and a half two hours and by the way nobody moves a muscle because they're so riveting so what i thought i'd do for you today to keep it tight and give you the most value as i edited down an intervention i did a couple of years ago at date with destiny and i've edited down to less than 30 minutes where the core principles are being taught in real time so i'm going to be telling you verbally you can see the impact and you can feel the struggle and see how this couple resolves it so i'm going to ask you to sit up in your chair with some real energy and i'm going to ask you to watch and take notes i don't know if you do it by hand or you're going to do a typing but i want you to take notes as if you were going to teach this to someone else who's having trouble in the relationship because whether you're in a relationship or not the fundamentals are the same attracting a relationship comes from the state you're in also but i want you to see what messes it up in real time with real people again crunched down for you but i want you to take those notes like you're going to teach someone because maybe you will but also you might need it not even now maybe a relationship is perfect but if you make these distinctions today and you take notes like that not like well i'm interested take notes on things you think don't relate to you because they will sometime if they haven't already and i'm going to come back here with sage wrap it up and then all our vips sage and i are going to do q and a with you guys for about 30 40 minutes okay so i'm compelling then sit up in your chair and take a look here as you'll get a chance to meet a couple here and take notes again like this means everything to you because it does if you master this area of your life you're going to have a richness most people never dream about let's roll it here we go here's what we're going to do we're going to turn this around here's what i suggest to you think for a moment would it make sense to you that the more you know about a person's rules the more you can anticipate how to behave with that person in a way where you can both win does that make sense yes or no would also be useful that for you to know your own rules so you weren't in reaction you could look at your rules and go god is ridiculous and throw some of them out would that make sense yes or no how do you get somebody's rules yours or anybody else you simply ask them for example i remember one time sitting down with my second younger son his name is joshua and when i first started coming this idea of rules i sat him down and i said josh what must a dad do or be for a son because you know we have rules for different types of roles don't we so he said what i said well what must the dad really do or be for his son and he kind of tilted his head and he went well my dad dad must love his son i said of course what else was the dad doing he said well a dad must be his son's best friend that's neat great what else must he be he said a dad must be there for a son i said he said like if he needs his help he asks for help he's got to be there he said do i do those things oh yeah i said what should a dad do he said well dad should let a son do his own homework at times because i i said he should huh but it's not a must he started laughing he goes yeah he didn't know what i was talking about he just noticed it was different i said why he said well someday my dad may not be there and i have to be able to do it myself i was impressed i'm asking these questions when he was about seven i think and uh i said what else should what shouldn't a dad do he said a dad shouldn't take his son to the video arcade and spoil him i said shouldn't huh he can i said well yeah he can but he probably shouldn't i said often he shouldn't do it all the time he must do it sometimes i said how about moms what must have mom do it being you know what he had totally different rules for moms than he did for dads isn't that interesting what must a mom or what must the dad never do a mom or dad must never hurt their son physically good what must the son do or be for their parents you know it's funny when you ask me these questions they kind of go into a trance and they go and they search their brain they go i don't know i said well if you didn't know what would you say he said well a son must love his parents a son must this a son must be there i must care about them must think of things to do to support them wow what a neat set of rules what should he do i said what must the son never do or be with his family he said a son must never come home drunk seven years old blew me away that's a good must not rule i like that i must never rule what else must the son never do he said a son must never do drugs i thought i said a lot of people that's a should not and one of the reasons it's a must not as i took him down to the south bronx and let him see what drugs really are i gave him a neuro association to what drugs were so somebody say man if they make you feel high i took them down those crack houses and the welfare hotels let them smell what the smell of a drug environment's like see it feel it he associates massive pain to that i could tell him all day long gave him the experience he'll never forget it what else must the son never do he said a son must never commit suicide blew me a seven years it blew me out of my shorts i was like well you know i thought that's great because for some people suicides should not that's why some people aren't here interesting huh we all have rules we just need to just find out what they are by asking the question asking you shall what so find your own rules ask yourself what must i do in order to be healthy now the context i want to do is the environment you all play together in so with friends or certain musts and shits like for example i have a friend who's a very very powerful and famous entertainer and i was with him recently he's been a lot of stress and i haven't seen him in a while a couple two three months four months because he's been so busy he's been busy and so i sat down when i'm talking to him he's telling me how he has no friends and part of it is because everybody's trying to take advantage of him right everybody in his perception but it's true a lot of people are very very very wealthy man and probably the entertainer in the world today and one of the things that happens is he goes any place he gets harassed and everything else and so he's got this wall and i said well part of why you probably know any friends is the rules you have around friends what must a friend do he said a friend must talk to you every day i said wow i said i thought i was your friend i guess i'm not he went well you're a friend but you're not my friend he said but i love you he's like hurt my feelings a little bit i said i started to get hurt and i realized i don't need to get hurt i just need to know it's his what rules i said you know the rules you got are so intense you make it almost impossible i said what else must a friend do a fair amount you have this to listen you know where muscle useful around your body because you want to have a lot of must there because if you don't pay attention that it gets worse do you want to have lots of muscle in a relationship in a relationship the more muscle you have the more pain you have in a relationship better have a lot of possibilities a lot of goods uh a lot of possibilities you know some shoulds but not a lot of must because the more must you have the more rigid you are do you want to be rigid in the area of what you hold yourself to in terms of health yes or no probably somewhat rigid because if you don't do that the body like gravity goes in a different direction but relationships don't go in a terrible direction if you don't hold them to something relationships actually flourish in an environment that there's freedom in does that make sense most people allow their fear of failure eighty percent allow their fear of failure to outweigh their desire to succeed when you're willing to fail again and again and again when you make up your mind to become unstoppable when you make up your mind to become a no matter what person then that will then give birth to a part of yourself that you don't know right now you know you're not very smart or you can't do that if you're a teacher and you say you know what you can never be an astronaut you can never be an empire maker you're not smart enough to do this and some teachers said that to me along my journey you'll never you'll never finish university and just to share the reality i not only finished university with a science degree but i did a law degree and then a master's of law degree and i only share that which is i haven't had it easy i've been put down i've had teachers who didn't see my potential that's just reality you want to block out the noise and listen to the signal which is your built to be a possibilitarian you're built to be great you have genius within you so calibrate your languaging so your words to yourself are world class and when you go out in the field and you meet a little resistance guess what you do you say i'm gonna find a way around it i'm gonna overcome this i'm gonna overcome that obstacle i'm going to make it happen and that's another piece of leadership and it's the exact same thing with kids if you tell your kid you know you will get good grades in school that means nothing to them but if you explain to them hey i would love for you to get good grades and here's why it's going to open opportunities for you in the future it's going to allow you to be able to outsmart people because you're going to have more knowledge than them and then you're going to be able to end up making more money which is actually give you more freedom in the long run instead of doing a job that you don't want to do if you explain all those things to a kid it's gonna be a lot more successful than just do what i told you get good grades because i said so and that's like then you think well there's people in the middle they're kind of looking back and forth which side of the identity politics spectrum am i going to fall in do i want to go with uh do i want to go do i want to be driven primarily by compassion and am i going to accept guilt for my historical privilege so that's one possibility and then i'm the oppressor i'm the member of the oppressor group or am i going to say oh no to hell with that i'm just going to play to win well then i'm going to go to the right it's like well my sense is how about we don't play either of those games and the reason we shouldn't play them is well the soviets played the left wing game and like killed who knows how many tens of millions of people you can't even count it accurately the estimates range from 20 to 100 million those are pretty big error bars and the maoists may be 100 million certainly 60 million so okay that didn't work out so well then there's the nazis like they played ethnic identity politics and racial superiority it's like what do we want to play that game see what i've been trying to do really what i've been trying to do for the last 30 years is say look there's heavy temptations to play those sorts of games

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Id: wQN9S9jBiBo

Length: 12min 10sec (730 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 21 2021