Germanic Tribes were WILD!

[Music] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] welcome to another episode of history hyenas with the two very mature hosts chris de stefano and giannis pappas yeah how you doing i am very mature absolutely yes and um yeah we're doing an episode today no farts today guys no farts no talking about pseudo penises no calling anyone true blue gays no calling anything cute we're just gonna talk politics and that's it we want to be on the right side of history that's the most important part about all of this i want to be on the alt-right side of history we are not louis ck i am yes i am not louis and i do not stand for what he did look we are two funny guys who are most importantly not louis zeke and i'm not and i understand that being a straight white male is historically evil and i just apologize and i understand that i could be doing better and i could be less white isis is getting a call from the caliphate who's calling i think that's isis's phone and he's getting a call yeah it says so here we are back we hope you enjoyed the last episode we uh we talked about germany our trip we're two different people now i'm telling you we're two different kids yeah i [ __ ] had a great time in germany and i to be honest with you coming back i just even though i'm ethnically german i found out through ancestry.com i feel less german than i ever have because i don't like their food and i think historically what they did was wrong yeah i mean you've increasingly become more and more of a pakistani kid listen and it's what it is the truth is what i also found out on ancestry.com is john i'm just a filipino kid from madagascar and it's what it is you know what happened today though what today's the first time i've ever seen you eat the enemy's food i did today i was very shocked because i have a little i almost called general uh donald trump on you yeah we went to the mediterranean store in bay ridge which got the best uh middle eastern food i've had but i have a loose rule what i usually if the thing is if we're at war if the united states is at war with that country then i'm at war with their food i i won't eat the enemy's food so if i was alive in the 40s no sushi for your boy no vietnam vietnamese sandwiches in the 60s no russian no russian food during the cold war no middle eastern food since about 1991 because since desert storm make no mistake we've had boots on the ground in the middle east and unfortunately until the last boot comes off the ground i can't eat your food i'm at war with hummus [Laughter] it is so as long as there's a rubber soul in that country with an american boy on top of that rubber soul yep you're not touching that cuisine cause as long as the boys are in your country i'm not gonna eat your food what if it's uh what if they're on a base though what if they're just like there's a lot of german you know american no no jeremy i mean in conflict yeah boys if the boys are getting shot at yeah i'm not gonna eat your food it's just what it is it's the way i give back to the usa it's called the chrissy d rule of cuisine it's called the chrissy d royal christine and it's yeah it's just the treaty of chrissy d i won't eat the enemy's food but you did today but i did today what happened today because because i think you got a little tahini i got a little on your sabbath i got a little teeny and some salmon what happened once today says he ate your cuisine it's cause make no mistake [Music] make no mistake although i always am at war with the enemy's food i'm also always at war with sweets therefore i am a pre-diabetic so the kid's blood sugar got a little low yeah you had it i had to get a [ __ ] nibble you know what the funny thing is today i was over at your house and i can't hear chrissy by the way i have a new stool is he okay can we hear him can you hear me because i can't hear him in my headphones or anything maybe your ears don't work the um i was over at your house today and what do you think of my stools your stools are great you got them at way fair way fair they look real they look real that's the most i can say but make no mistake they're puerto rican leather yeah yeah i mean what it is when you bought them you told me they were leather but then i took a good sniff of them today yeah yeah smells like toys r us it's what it is and uh you opened the fridge because you wanted to show off that you put your shelves up yeah and you forgot that you had snuck ice cream eminem cookies in there and you said oh those are for my daughter it's getting that bad cuz where you're using your daughter to hide your sweets addiction it's what you know what cuz that's why i jog today that's why i'm trying to drink waters i'm gonna [ __ ] follow the jihadi with a body diet yeah and zach just told us it's seven o'clock at night he has not eaten yet yeah it's 8 p.m he said he eats from 8 p.m to 3 a.m so that's just what i'm gonna start to do yeah but zach the jihadi with the body is 23 years old so i don't even know why he's dieting at all why is zach 23 years old but has the body hair of a 59 year old cause he's from the middle east that's why yeah cut they're hairy people i'm from the middle east i'm 26 a [ __ ] mesopotamian you're a swarthy kid right yeah cause i feel like i want to do ancestry.com or should i do 23andme which one's the best one well i think ancestry.com tells you where you're from doesn't 23 and me tell you if you have like diseases or something what do you think do you know zach you're asking him he's 23. now every time we look at him i'm gonna be like why are we asking a 23 year old anything yeah you have your thumb in your mouth [ __ ] millennial [ __ ] yeah yeah so look we just hope that you work your sweets problem out that's all i'm saying because how's your heart burn you've been having debilitating heartburn as a blade are you a girl are you a gird girl well because i'm a gerd girl i i didn't even know you freaked me out yesterday because i didn't know i have constant heartburn i've had pizza every day since we've been back for a journey first of all we could call dr nick any time because he not only i'm sure he does asses and throats yeah that's what he uh wherever you can put a scope in he knows he's ass to mouth doctor nick so what's the kind of doctor he's an ass mouth doctor he's an astor mouth doctor so it's what it is and um do you think i've done some real damage in there well i think the level that you repeats is alarming that's the word i used to describe your i mean the way you sucked down two slices in a minute flat at joe's pizza in the west village last night had me and debo a little concerned yo i had pete's last night for dina and pete's for breakfast today yeah make no mistake you came into my house this morning at 10 30 in the morning and you ate two ravioli vodka slices and a mozzarella stick frozen you didn't even put in the microwave you know what is alarming though what you always have ravioli peets and mozzarella sticks in your refrigerator yeah it's my daughter's favorite kind of pig yeah everything is you could always blame on your your three-year-old daughter three-year-old daughter because your three-year-old daughter has not been in your house since you did amazon fresh and that eminem ice cream cookies box was open no well here's the truth we ate one she slept over the other night and we were watching peppa pig on youtube and she she wanted ice cream so she took a little bite and then she fell asleep and i ate the rest it's what it is you know what's funny is it would be impossible to have a yeah you live with gas i lit i gotta get i'm a gas style kid you know what's funny is like i only have gas at certain times like i could i couldn't summon up gas at will you seem to always have farts loaded up is that isn't that is that a sign of a is that a sign of a healthy body i don't know let's ask keto exp expert jihadi with a body zack isis why don't we ask doctor asked to mouth get him on the floor want to call him up no he's probably sitting in traffic in long island yeah memorized just sent them pictures of my [ __ ] yeah i'm doing a show i think of his community's church he's a greek kid oh is that the long island show it's a long island we're going pumpkin picking that day should we invite the hyena the matriarchy to pumpkin pick with us which one the matriarchy no no no no no we don't know them we're not friends but guess what people we are redoing our patreon and one of the options you guys are going to be able to get real close to us now we got one option is called the chrissy d special yeah well what yo is it called the chrissy d special but we should have called it that because it's uh yeah tell him about it yeah well you could tell pull up pull it up while i say this i'll tell you what doc so i'm doing the show in long island and uh yeah the all the greek shows are through um all the greek shows i've done they're they're all through the church and uh dr nick i guess this is 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share the links you know what people are doing which is really spreading the word for the podcast is there taking a screenshot of the episode they're listening to or whatever photo you want to do or however creative you want to get and they're putting it in their own instagram stories they're tagging us in it yes you do that we will repost it but that's a great way to tell the people who follow you your friends and family about the podcast that you enjoy that podcast being history that's right yeah so thank you so much but yeah so today's episode you want to talk about germanic tribes i mean we are just since we're phasing out of uh you know our trip from germany we figured that we would continue on and piggyback off of last week's episode and talk about the origins yeah of the german people it's so wild because pretty much every country that exists came out of germanic tribes because europe was like europe was no different than africa it was no different than north america south america asia it was people are tribal for most of our history is tribal and europe was just packed with different tribes it's hard to keep track of the amount of tribes and the reason we know about these tribes and the reason these tribes have names is pretty much because of roman historians who recorded generals killing them yeah well well you know in the 5th century that's about when the roman empire started to lose their power if i ever went to a class and my history teacher had your accent yeah yeah i would get out of that school immediately yeah if i was the way you just started that well first of all in the fifth century we had a couple of guys yeah no unfortunately what happened is you know around the fifth century italians we start you know with the roman empire we start to [ __ ] you know take a little we tried to start taking a few blows so blows and this is when the germanic people because the germanic people were just they were the barbarians right i mean that's what the romans referred to them as they're more barbaric and they were just because but but really they were just nomads i mean they were just wandering people the word barbarian actually comes from the ancient greeks so this before roman times and the greeks uh the word barbarian actually means just not greek so if you were a barbarian it became a pejorative you know much like the way you can say jew now yeah you just say jew people like whoa whoa whoa take it easy buddy you're like no i just thought you were a jew and they're like what the [ __ ] man yeah like that's a little aggressive it's like i'm describing you because you're a jew yeah you're you have curls and a yamaki and you're diving for pennies yeah i'm kidding yeah i'm joking the last part was a hack [ __ ] grandpa joke no just kidding it's fine just fine you're anti-semitic and that's what it is dumb german yeah it's your german you can't help it yeah we needed to clean the app we needed one to clean the pallet there yeah because once more chrissy just goes [ __ ] full-blown racist yeah so barbarian just means not greek it means you're not you're not a greek so and then it became a pejorative right because you know the greeks looked at themselves as civilized and philosophical and great yeah so you weren't a citizen it means you're you're a [ __ ] barbarian so like around the fifth century you know the german you know germanic people they started to migrate into you know what is modern day great britain western europe uh you know uh france italy north africa africa they like but you know before that when because make no mistake when rome was in charge when the roman empire was in charge these people couldn't do [ __ ] they just couldn't do anything so it's like rome everybody was roman there was a point where everybody was roaming there was like yeah i mean we're talking about like right before the birth of jesus and then for a couple hundred years after that rome dominated yeah i mean just dominate if you looked at the map of sort of the the recorded the recorded history the the world in recorded history right dominating yeah as you go for you know as rome crumbled you see different kingdoms start to shoot up uh around europe and uh the middle east and north africa carthage there was different but there was a couple hundred years where rome just dominated but rome constantly was at war with these germanic tribes constantly that were kind of nomadic they moved they settled they were all along the frontier rome and constantly [ __ ] fighting with the romans and they were basically just these blonde or red-haired uh you know ancestors of what became the vikings what became the gauls what became germans what became yeah britain i think there was angels saxons gauls what's interesting because like even like like there was a germanic tribe called there were two germanic tribes called the jutes and the danes and they just combined and they formed denmark so like when you say a dane like a danish that's a that denmark comes from tribes or the angles and the saxons they just their tribes just came together the angles were a tribe the saxons were a tribe and that's why you have white anglo-saxon protestant and then they went to britain yeah so it's like that's just what started to happen so it's like it's truly all kinds of germanic tribes and now if they were mostly blonde and mostly red hair then guess what that meant they had no fumes and uh well you know that's what uh except for except for me and isis we're we're we're fumed out yeah you guys have feelings because yeah we're i'm great but i'm a german kid so i have no fears it's amazing it's amazing though that like yeah there was all these tribes of white people they fought each other for the most part right and it was really religion that unified them all yes when they all sort of became like you said protestants protestants and because because look you know you know if you watch a movie like um what's with russell crowe gladiator you know they show the dramatic they show germanic tribes on the show a war with marcus aurelius and commodus and and uh uh what the [ __ ] what was russell crowe's character's name what was that slave uh maximum maximus so they show that and they show that it's just barbaric people but they weren't that i mean actually the germanic peoples they had a strong military they had warriors but they were fierce like they were devoted military leaders like you know the chieftains they called them and they had society you have society popping up in germania amongst the germanic tribes as early as 750 bc so you know it's [ __ ] wild it's like it's like you know it's another fact you know um um we said this on another podcast you know when west in the civil war when west virginia when virginia split into west virginia and left the confederacy in the west and west virginia fought with the uh union soldiers they had a whole smear campaign against west virginia so everybody thinks of west virginia back backwater hillbillies and i'm sure they still do have backwater hillbillies but out of all the southern states you know west virginia has the highest amount of acceptance letters for ivy league schools from west virginia that's a fact why do you think that is because it was a smear campaign by the confederacy to [ __ ] on west virginia because they left the confederacy to fight with the union so my point is the germanic tribes we all they all call them barbarians and it probably was a smear campaign by the romans that they were uh that they all had fumes and they were dirtbags but they [ __ ] but they actually had society from 750 bc because yeah yeah i mean that's the way they were so they were stereotyped is what you're saying yeah and it's not fair no no it's like you know and uh and you know what to be honest with you they're all straight white males in germania so like they had it easy enough what's that what was that what was that one what was that listen see if you can identify it yeah play it again is that true is that hitler i thought it was a fruitcake to begin with oh that's that's that's your pops oh yeah but it's too low yeah yeah yeah oh that's gonna be good yeah we'll get those cooking but listen germans and alatins and by latins we're talking about romans they both belong to the indo-european language group and uh the indo-european is an extinct language of which there is no official record only reconstruction basically when you look back in history it's kind of wild like it's sort of like a free-for-all a tribal free-for-all until things get unified through conquest and religion and what we know is just kind of pieced together from whoever was in power and whoever had a historian to say hey this is what happened but we don't [ __ ] know you don't know but it's basically just chaos until the roman empire until the holy rolling empire until you know gaul formed as a big area that was france right yeah yeah french kids they were they were a [ __ ] germanic tribe it was all all you had down you had below you had the egyptians down below you had greeks yeah romans romans [ __ ] italian kids where did they come from where the [ __ ] did italian kids come from probably greeks but they weren't greek stuff i don't know but because even the english language like the english language directly descends from germanic tribes yeah because in all the anglo-saxon tribes that's kind of what they were they're speaking a version of that yeah well it just infiltrated the world that's what indo-european languages they both share a common ancestor cute so yeah so english italian uh all you know french because today they all share a common ancestor even though i'm a grown ass man you know you've seen you've seen me do this for i put baby powder on my on my balls and i can't believe it's good for you and i just i got baby powder down my pee hole before so it's burning is that the bed is that the first time that's happened yeah you uh is baby powder on you it can't be good it scars your lungs baby powder baby powder is not good for you and talk powder which our mothers used to [ __ ] bathe us in is like horrible for you it literally scars your lungs like a smoker i didn't know that yeah now one of the big figures i want some paints i want paige too big figures in in germanic history you know germanic tribes history is um a chieftain his chief chieftain i guess he you know the equivalent to like a general right and his name is arminius ooh is he arminian and he's armenian maybe i don't see a kardashian he's not a kardashian he was a he was a german kid yeah but back then i don't know why he's got a good german kid though was he a good german kid was your third bag well what he did he he is really credited by historians and this is the thing this is what's so fascinating about history because look these are just like historians coming up with theories just like we could yeah we could basically say nah you know this happened this means this you know we could say you know what if it wasn't for this some some kid who was making boots yeah sardinia well even even when we learned when we were in like last week we were in knockout concentration camp or on the oh you weren't you were looking for you were [ __ ] you missed a a part of the tour that was [ __ ] wild one and it pertains to this because you were looking at maps or something you you uh our tour guide told us that for like years they thought that german soldiers were doing a doing a particular thing to uh jews in this one room of a concentration camp and they were sure of it they're like this is and that like even the tours were happening like they were like in the 70s and 80s they were like oh this is where they would take showers or something like that but then there was someone who went back and visited dachau and who was at dachau concentration camp and it was proven through records and pictures and all that and he said no that's not where it happened it happened over here and things things some of the things were wrong and that's recorded i mean it was just 60 years ago and they got it wrong so could you imagine trying to think about something a thousand years ago how many elements of it are just wrong yeah and you know it's just people you piece it together and then a lot of it's probably lost in translation you know um a lot of the irish monks saved a lot of the ancient greek texts and roman texts and you know civilizations crumble a lot a lot of shit's been lost it could have been that someone figured out the meaning of life and it just got lost in some sort in some conquest more i read something once that more more documents like you know recorded documents have been lost and found i'm sure way more have been lost so really we the history that we have is is like a small part of what actually happened probably we'll just never know we'll just never know and even the germanic tribes themselves they've changed and evolved so many times like the the germanic tribes that julius caesar talks about fighting and conquering that's not the same germanic tribes that maybe were around uh you know in bc times yet they weren't even called germanic tribes no we called there was some no it was some [ __ ] roman guy that started calling them that yeah so that's what like that's how we know germania they start referring to it as germanium oh look a germanic tribe 100 years from now the period of that we're living in will have a name that we don't know exists right now they're gonna call it the cute or the [ __ ] period yeah who knows this podcast after it gets so popular and usurps all of the podcasts and then there's an apocalypse because of climate change but then mankind makes a comeback and the only thing they discover is this podcast yeah and then there's still some fumi fumeless people living in northern europe they're just going to call them fumeless yeah they're not going to be called scandinavian anymore they're going to be called arminius is a very important um chieftain because he was a general like i guess they would call him a chieftain but the romans have comma general and he commanded an alliance of german tribes so he united the clans like william wallace yeah he united a couple of [ __ ] german clans and they fought three roman legions and he [ __ ] destroyed him with his big red-haired balls yeah they got [ __ ] [ __ ] slap yeah and so the russians make no mistake the germanic tribes had some big pieces you think so 100 and they would probably go one of the one thing that i learned in the viking museum and again vikings are even way later in time than germanic tribes sometimes the vikings would storm your town with just the helmets on butt naked and then when they would go berserk yeah we talked about smeared with the enemy's blood and then they invented [ __ ] on the chest they did how [ __ ] wild is that berserk that comes from the viking time that word but that's what they would do they would rub rub themselves in animal blood and come out butt naked in sub-zero temperatures and [ __ ] kill you and then rub their piece in your face that's your bloodline that's probably why you're so wild the last move if i got stabbed and killed by a viking and then the last thing i would do is i would probably open my mouth to receive the peace so the famous battle um where this happened was called the battle of the two-toe two toberg forest the two-toe bird foreign the two-toe berg forest in nine a.d two two tolberg it's a toot yeah yeah two toeberg forest cause do you think if we were alive in germany if we were part if we were two members of the germanic tribes because our fighting skills would be lacking so much that they would just cut off our balls and make us toots cause do you think we would just be toots on a leash yeah we would be eunuchs we would be made eunuchs we just do isis i think would be a fighter yeah he's a fighter he's a fighter me and you we just don't have it in us yeah to go to war i can't do it no if they if at that time you would get an anxiety rat well i would get i would be like yo listen i can't fight i can't fight the romans right now if i don't have cbd oil and ravioli vodka peats this is the thing with cbd oil can people just [ __ ] relax with how much they think weed is like a magical a magical potion that cures everything it's like yeah i have a little anxiety you know what i take i just put a little cbd oil in my rice and everything's fine everyone's just putting cbd oil in everywhere my email didn't work so i just rubbed a little cbd oil on my laptop yeah you know what my car was making a weird noise you know what i did i just took a couple of little bubble shots and just sprinkled them into my gasoline tank with cbd oil it's just a little cbg right now my car's running smooth yeah you don't have to take it to the mechanic and have them [ __ ] charge you thousands of dollars to fix something that just a little drop of cbd oil yeah i had herpes but guess what i just dropped a little cbd under my tongue and it's gone yeah that's what it is make no mistake look yeah weed is obviously not as bad for you as like man-made pharmaceuticals sure obviously there's no big companies behind weed china but it's not a cure-all [ __ ] drug it's not a cute kid and you smoke weed every single day it's not going to be good for you it can't be i mean even even eating an apple all day every day is probably not good for you right it's mad suge yeah it's manchego the greeks have a an expression the ancient greeks have an expression pon metron ariston which means everything in moderation nothing in excess i think that is one of the wisest adages ever uttered yeah well but make no mistake you are not listening that because you were doing pete's in excess that is true yeah so the battle of the two-toe berg forest in 9ad is where um uh the chieftain the great germanic chieftain arminius is probably named by romans you know that's why we call him arminius that's a latin name yeah because a lot of that's another good point his name is a lot a lot of a lot of what we learned here in the us like these people have certain names because we just you know write our history books from like probably like a roman point of view we're like other countries these big figures are not called that name right they're called something different because they were called something different right by their historians right it's wild if you think about it right they just probably didn't have paper routes to write it down you know yeah but this was very significant because he defeated these three roman legions and the romans were forced to uh withdraw from magna germania and what does that mean just like magna germania um it was the it was like the was the um region that the roman empire kind of designated delineated and it was above kind of galia galileo's france right yeah well it became france but it's uh it was like above gaul and uh the it was basically beyond the frontier of the roman empire at that time so that was the area that they just delineated did you ever hear about that battle between caesar and verse and generics who was like the the the king of the gauls the [ __ ] wild bat so it's just seems i forgot what year it was like in 25 a.d or something like that version generics was cornered in this fort he was the king of the gauls yeah he's cornered in this fort and caesar was like surrounding him so caesar built a wall around the fort and just was like in a corner versus and just like basically like believe verse and generics out so versus generics using i think like a carrier pigeon or something like that or something like bullhorn sent for the remaining gaulish troops which like another 50 000 troops to come and bail him out and caesar got word of that so caesar just built a wall around himself so caesar couldn't get out and the only way that caesar was going to leave is if he beat and killed virgin generics and beat all his guys so caesar enclosed himself in this fort so first and generics troops couldn't get in that he was calling for and virgin generics couldn't get out but neither could caesar and caesar won and beat version generics and held him captive for six years and then eventually just hung him and killed him but that's why julius caesar became julius caesar because of some battle and gaul yeah i mean he was constantly fighting all the germanic tribes and that's what made him famous right he was like he's kind of like the george washington to rome caesar yeah because he was like the first dictator he was the first military [ __ ] hero before caesar before caesar in ancient rome it was just it was like a senate a senate ruled it was um they called them they um i forgot what the name of it was it was like they had a name it wasn't the president it was like you were the i forgot what it was but isis can you look that up for us yeah what they used to call themselves toots totes but then caesar got absolute power and became the first emperor yeah of rome yeah so germania that area it extended from the danube river in the south to the baltic sea and from the rhine to the west in the west to the uh the vistulia so um that's where it was that was and they called that magna yeah germania now because make no mistake germanic charms were [ __ ] also brutes magoots i mean they gave an aim for a reason like though i read this thing barbarians what you got something zack uh i'm just finding that it was called the roman senate the roman senate but there's a thing that what was like that like in the triumvirate it was julius caesar before julius caesar pompey what did they crash and they julius caesar became they actually used his name to if you became caesar it was based on him because his name was julius caesar and then caesar became like the name of that of emperor yeah yeah you were the caesar of rome yeah and then the germans used kaiser that's which is like a version of caesar means caesar in german yeah um so the germanic tribes like if you [ __ ] with them they would do like this guy uh uh uh crashes he got molten hot gold because he stole money or like was being greedy and not giving the germanic tribes what they wanted so they poured molten hot gold down his [ __ ] throat killed him that's not as a game of thrones talk about [ __ ] acid reflux yeah what do you think it's going to feel like with molten hot gold coming yeah yo but that's how famous julius caesar was how influential he was the calendar the caesarean calendar yeah the caesarean section we we talked about that and childbirth is wild that the myth was that it was named after him uh kaisers um in obviously german history kaiser means caesar and then in russian history czar czar is russian for caesar so people have always been trying to relive the glory of rome but let me just finish explaining so armenius is such an important figure in history as a chieftain who united these germanic tribes uh and they defeated these three roman legions and forced him to retreat out of magna germania and so modern historians have regarded this victory as probably rome's greatest defeat uh because it kind of prevented the romanization of these germanic people who wanted to for whatever [ __ ] reason remain wild yeah they wanted to remain tribal and wild and keep their traditions and they didn't they resisted gentrification for lack of a pedoward word from the romans and so this victory is considered like the root cause and the turning point um for the the collapse of rome yeah because it allowed the germanic tribes to thrive past the frontier without roman intervention and they grew strong and eventually sacked rome as we all know that that's been a wild day yeah so this he's a pretty important he's a pretty important figure and he was born a prince of the see look at this the cherusky tribe the cherusky tribe so there's so many tribes so many different names the names changed and they just morphed and became countries and languages and cultures that we know today it just keeps morphing as time goes on they just keep morphing like all the countries and cultures we know today are not going to be here 200 300 years from now they're going to morph into something else and countries change the name like [ __ ] when i was born mumbai was called bombay but now it's just called mumbai yeah so like that's gonna happen with cities something's gonna happen think about it like constantinople is now called istanbul it's just a different name and then before that was called byzantine yeah i mean the indians called you know this land something else and then now it's called uh you know it was called new amsterdam right and then now it's called new york right what's it called new amsterdam for a little while yeah but here is the [ __ ] wild thing about armenia's tell us what's wild seriously they should he we talk about a lot of stuff yeah on this podcast that you will become a hollywood movie yeah like you should [ __ ] do it last week we talked about the soe they're gonna be a [ __ ] movie about this but listen to this kid because this kid's [ __ ] wild all right he was he was uh he was born a prince in one of those germanic tribes okay so we know all men automatically if he was born a prince of germanic tribe we know for sure he has no fumes he's got no fumes but he was drafted actually into the roman military how was that possible because they were [ __ ] conquering those people up there yeah okay along the frontier so he was drafted into the roman military at an early age and he was granted roman citizenship so he was actually a citizen of rome and he became a roman knight right and so after serving with distinction uh in some major battle of some sort of revolt i think was the great illyrian revolt um he was sent because he was such a trusted roman soldier he was sent to germania to aid the local governor publius yeah and completing the roman conquest of the germanic tribes of which he came and guess what what he was a double [ __ ] agent and he turned on the romans so from within rome and being a part of the roman military he [ __ ] turned on them the kids are wrapped and killed them all yeah that's a [ __ ] rap well our freedom fighter you know a lot of people in the tribes were probably thinking he was a rat but little did they know the [ __ ] had a plan the whole time thank god he didn't get his [ __ ] head cut off before that though yeah by his own peeps yeah but you know he was he was a part of a strong fighting force and he would you know and when he was coming those traps were probably like [ __ ] this guy and let alone did they know he was going to destroy them from the inside so that's how much human [ __ ] was just on the floor and in the ground back in those days because [ __ ] in halls i mean no i know we've talked about it in medieval times but we've never talked about it when like what did you do in germania because there was whole professions you're fam you come from a long line of kerner [ __ ] shovelers yeah you only became a kerner like the kerner was only like three or four generations ago when you started being a merchant a mill you were you were you were selling buying and selling you know mil what was it milled grain green green kid right you were selling grain you were you're buying and selling grain that's why you're kind of a smart kid yeah but you're also a dumb kid because before that you guys were shoveling [ __ ] but there was an ancestor there was one answer your ancestor his name was hans yeah from one of the germanic tribes yeah and he's the one that made the transition from [ __ ] shoveler to merchant yeah because he banged out a jew yeah and she was ha and then that baby was a girl and she was half jew half germanic because and she started becoming a merchant and then that's your line cause you know what you're a jew german you know what's a 10 out of 10 funny thing to think about there are people who looked pretty close to us like 400 years ago just imagine what i would look like with a powdered wig on and [ __ ] and pilgrim shoes yeah and [ __ ] stockings and a corset because make no mistake i was a transgender and pastor how did that become style that's the thing i want to know i don't know think about it think about how there must have been gay guys at some point in like europe during that time in like the 1700s right who was like you know it would be [ __ ] cute what like you know those pants that you have to cut under your ankle let's just pull them up to the knee and [ __ ] get some white socks yeah and look at these [ __ ] witch shoes and then you know what you know what your hair is cute but you know be even [ __ ] cuter what is if we take this dead grandma's hair and glued it on to your [ __ ] head yeah they used to wear wigs of other people's hair how did that become how did that serial killer [ __ ] type [ __ ] becomes style because basically you're taking someone else's head and putting it on your head yeah that's some buffalo bill [ __ ] right there i don't know but you would have been a fashionable kid i would have been yeah i don't think they would have had clothes that would have fit me but can you believe that was the style and then at some point that went out of style there was some dude who was just like we're not how does it stop but the style that we have right now i think is like you can look back 30 years now and say it was still cute like you know tapered jeans button downs those are all oh when i was in the 90s it was baggy baggy baggy jesus but everybody knew baggy jeans were going to eventually look stupid i don't think fitted clothing is ever going to look stupid you know what i'm trying to say like a suit like a man's nice tailored suit yeah that would have looked good in 1900 and still looks good now yeah you know what i mean yeah probably like some things you just know that's not gonna work like you just know at some point like those hoodie sweatshirts that zip over your head that the kids buy are just gonna look like a [ __ ] idiot probably at some point you know probably did you see this new fashion trend now where like they're they're like designers are making the girls look like aliens can you pull that up it's [ __ ] wild and while he pulls it up i'll just tell you the roman historian tacitus who's one of the most famous roman historians designated um arminius as the liberator of the germanic tribes and i really commended him in his writings for having fought the roman empire to his standstill uh at the peak of the of the roman empire's power so you know during the unification of germany in the 19th century arminius was hailed by german nationalists in their history as a symbol of german unity and freedom because he united the tribe he was like the first one to unite tribes and fight rome oh you know what one of our fans one of our fans i said i said i shot her on the podcast for this she uh she helped us out she said that um remember we were asking last time we couldn't remember what the name of the uh uh hall was called where that had uh that had the lions balls in it where hitler [ __ ] did the beer hull push it's from sarah sprinkle seven it's called odin splats so it's not marian splotch no it's odin audion splats audience plots audio so if you go to munich go to audience plots google if you go to munich google the picture of hitler in the crowd and then go to odeon spots and you will be in the exact spot looking at the same thing all around you that he was looking at that they were looking at it's just the same it's why oh wow i promised to post those pics and i didn't but you have to post the pics and stop being a [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] you know i'm always hesitant to post [ __ ] on the patreon because i know people get email notifications for everything and i don't want to i don't want to like overwhelm their email box can't they just turn off email notifications yeah but they want to keep their email notifications on so they know when jihadi would have body posts um the patreon episodes um also we're at how many patrons are we at 240. we're at 240 patrons our first goal is 500 patrons and if we get when we get to 500 patrons jihadi where the bodies going to post a pic without a shirt without a shirt on yeah here's what the picture is going to be jihadi body is going to be sitting uh no shirt on shorts and i'm going to go get in a diaper and a history and a bearish boys t-shirt and sit on his lap and that's the pick we're going to post on patreon if we get to 500. yeah yes okay yeah can't kick you know what kids we [ __ ] talked about germania today yeah we talked about just one big message tribal warfare yeah and and conquest yeah it is and uh most are histories like that that way if you think about it yeah i'm just shocked that religion is really what's you know like without religion we'd probably still all be tribes yeah so you think that's the positive in religion yes unification yes yeah but what's the negative there is no negative i am a disciple of jesus christ yes even though the only one the one i'm a catholic kid is the only truth the only truth because muhammad lived in record so islam submit to islam it's the only truth jihadist body told us that yeah it's what it is what it is what we had him looking up something and we forgot i think what uh chris was referring to earlier was the patricians who uh kind of ruled the roman republic before the empire i don't think that's it but it is an interesting thing to know it was just the thing that they called it was like you were called patricia's aristocracy right yeah yeah is it yeah no you're talking about he had a name before no everybody had there was no caesar became an emperor right yeah so before dictator rome was just owned was ruled by the senate and there was like it was like the speaker of the house it was like the speaker of the house just talked on behalf of the senate but he had no real power he had power but you know he was the leader of the government but he had to he couldn't make rule he couldn't make things up without the senate's approval yeah well then caesar gave it where he can just do whatever he wants well i i don't know ma'am i don't know i don't know what it is yeah he was a cute kid whatever it was they were these were cute [ __ ] kids because see even his haircut people still get a caesar haircut another example yeah i mean caesar salad let's go julius caesar right who most famous people in history let's do it right now honestly jesus first of all you got to go muhammad and jesus muhammad and jesus one and two julius caesar is one he's got to be up there michael jordan wow [ __ ] michael you threw michael jordan in right yeah muhammad ali wow uh abraham lincoln i think you're i think you're isaac newton um um socrates cleopatra joan of arc yeah george washington joe navarro uh wait let's do the five the five five most influential meaning like no famous just influential and famous yeah if jesus was alive today yeah he'd have 35 billion instagram followers he would he would jesus but muhammad there's so many muslims there's so many muslims throughout the world you got to go muhammad maybe one jesus too well muhammad's the most popular name in the world right yeah i think so yeah so muhammad jesus one or two you throw interchangeable is julius caesar three i believe he's three julius caesar because he's no i mean he is the most famous yeah i would say julius caesar's three because i have a list of uh ranked by people of the top five most who are these who are these give me your guys top pop and then i'll give you these okay okay mohammed i'm going mohammed jesus julius caesar number four i would say is um uh uh uh uh abe lincoln abe lincoln he's gotta be up there and number five cleopatra i'm go no i'm going genghis khan yeah i like how you did that because you wanted to throw one woman on your on your women first hashtag feminism hashtag anti-kavanaugh go ahead okay so uh number one with 48 000 votes is jesus christ okay number two with 32 000 is albert einstein wow number three with 30 000 is isaac uh yeah isaac newton wow number four 27 000 da vinci number five with 22 000 aristotle and who what this is a very western list yeah who uh who made what is this what site is that it's a rancor.com it's like a website where people can just go oh thumbs up or thumbs down yeah well that's a pretty good list but i i think that list is remiss i mean you can't there's no muhammad on that list most famous number eight number eight number eight no no genghis khan on there i mean we're all looking for gangnam style you know how many he [ __ ] so many chicks i know he's like the chrissy d of asia caesar's 21. you think he [ __ ] a few dudes genghis khan genghis khan foxconn is number 28. he's 28. where's michael jordan yeah is he even on the list what about uh what about um uh uh thomas edison yeah i haven't seen him yet where's muhammad on the list yeah muhammad was number nine number eight how about aziz ansari yeah i don't i think he was number two actually schumer she i'm there george washington is george washington right above jesus is george washington on there uh i haven't seen washington either name the top ten read the top ten so let me scroll back up sorry top ten were in order one is jesus two is einstein three is newton four's da vinci five is aristotle six is galileo seven is alexander the great eight is muhammad nine is plato and ten is charles darwin oh there's some good one yeah you can really those are all science yeah yeah famous yeah that's why it's like it's different between fame and influence who's the famous scientist of our day will it go down as elon musk in history no uh most stephen hawking it'll be stephen hawking stephen hawking will be stephen hawking will be remembered 300 years from now yeah um his book is like you know that book is like probability of the universe it's the most pop kind of like you know it's the most famous science book that the did you read it the layman can read did you read it i never i don't think i ever read it no i don't think i read it cover to cover yet what was it called again the the history of time three of everything the history of time right oh i thought it was called the theater why did i say the theory of the universe what's that he might have read another one yeah all right we're [ __ ] stupid we're stupid [ __ ] brief history of brief history of time yeah yeah all right cuzzies well thank you so much for listening to the app this was a brief history of germanic tribes this is a brief history of dramatic tribes we're going to delve more into it we'll probably next episode i think we may talk about constantinople next step and about catholicism and it's going to get real i'm going to call my mother can we call your mother on this patreon call my mother listen to this go join the patreon page because this episode we're calling linda stefano and she's probably having a brew [Laughter]

Channel: History Hyenas

Views: 37,462

Rating: 4.8200226 out of 5

Keywords: Chris Distefano, Yannis Pappas, Chris Distefano Podcast, History Hyenas, bayridge boys, comedy, comedian, podcast, entertainment, pop culture, commentary, comedy club, jokes, history, history class, stand up, funny moments, hyenas, wild, yannis pappas podcast, new york city, history germanic tribes, Germanic Tribes, Roman Empire, History of Europe, Germany, Ancient Rome, Julius Caesar, history of migration, italy

Id: 2L5AIQJZNsk

Length: 60min 58sec (3658 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 28 2020

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THIS IS A THROWBACK TO Episode 36, from October 2018!! Yannis Pappas and Chris Distefano returned from Germany and decided to talk Germanic Tribes!! Before they do, they go over their new Patreon levels that have truly changed from today. The Germanic tribes came from Northern Europe migrating to Italy, Africa, United Kingdom, etc. And from the tribes came Anglo-Saxons, blond and red-haired babes that had no fumes! The Hyenas also recall the group that first mentions them, the Romans and they dive into the wild stories of Roman Emperor Julius Caesar! Tell us what your favorite part of this episode so we can CLIP IT!

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