Kevin Hart on White Water Rafting

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I'll tell y'all funny story Frankie Rago I'm about to do a show where I'm doing everything they say black people are afraid to do I come bungee jumping skiing skydiving eating dinner with my family with the TV off every everything they say rears back people don't do I'm about to do it but before they gave me money to do the show things I can't we got to know that you're gonna do it for sure we don't want to give you money to do it and then it come time to do it you don't do it you don't and I gotta tell you what I'll take my own money I do with my own money that's all right cool fine let's do it that way so me my wife my boy 19 my friend Nate we all chatting new to the city I'm about to do a theater shutting Tennessee I was like you know what we don't go whitewater rafting I said but listen can't nobody act we all got to be ourselves I'm a film it as articles can be all that now we like the only black people in Chattanooga Tennessee at the time we're no other black people there but before you go whitewater either you got to drive a car at a car take you to the bus you get the bus that's right you down to the river we were late getting to the bus so all the seats on the bus are taken except the seats in the back now I'm a comedian I'm silly so I start walking I lay damn y'all still races not expecting a black coup to show up ha ha hee hee I'm joking we sit down in the back of the bus I don't know where the bus driver got up he's like you guys in the back don't try to jump out that back door cuz his Park Rangers out there and they will fire I was like uh where the fuck did that come from like like we were JA right this is a group thing right oh now ain't that's my boy at IO stop bitching man we trying to do this for you we're trying to make you mine and my all right whatever I ain't gonna say nothing we get off the bus and get off the bus your instructor waiting on you he's got him Lin here one arm in the air he's like hearts with a heart set I'm like Rita heart's like come on you got to be getting the board with me I get over there to him this arm was in a cast from here to here all this shit was wrapped up and he had the thing holding it up he's like come on you guys y'all gonna be getting in the water with me so yeah I looked at him I was like I'm I'm probably not gonna go if you're gonna keep that on cuz I know trust me you good just happen doing something else you're fine that's all we know let me let me talk to my family real quick so I got over here to them as I Hey look ya'll before we go do this I just want to tell y'all fuck this I'm not gonna do it another what okay yeah I don't I don't think imma do it I don't really feel that comfortable you know doing it you have a cast on so now aim is that y'all stop being a bitch man we're doing this whew we trying to make you money yeah I'm saying you the one holding up your success all right fine you're right I gonna say she does I hope you die together I'm sorry I'm an asshole so we get there this old lady was giving like the orientations right basin she was briefing us from what we should know when we're in the border but she was the asshole like she was such a jerk man like she had no patience at all this honestly I'm she was talking to us she's like everybody gather round please today you're not the only group today um listen up only gonna say it once okay first of all if you fall out people don't stand up our people don't stand up cuz your face can get calls myself to be called a face flood you'll die your foot get underneath the water rocks go on it cause your face go forward would goes over your dead we hadn't happened all right um also listen now listen listen you fall out you rat people you must be a part of your own rescue meaning you must help us help you alright you don't want to help us help you you can help yourself that's your choice we've been paid okay that's all up to you at this time I'm I got it said it didn't take oh here it is last but not least got a lifeline lifeline looks like this lifeline seven feet long if you fall out the raft we can throw it to you if you're at 8 feet I should just should get to 7 that's the only way we can get you back in um with that being said have a good time enjoy yourself so I turn around everybody buckling and stuff up they putting the helmets on as I hey y'all look you know before we go do this I just want to tell y'all fuck this for all this time I'm not gonna do it yeah I'm serious I'm not bullshit she talking about if I'm at 8 feet I better get the seven no no no bitch you better get they okay hey hey personal shit started to come out all my life they've been telling you I couldn't reach it without you small now you telling me you can't reach me I crave it I'll break it down right nothing hey yo yo man get stuff together let's do it I was like fine you know what I ain't me you gonna set up front since you're so damn tough now man I ain't be getting in front of the rain right we're here my wife is here my boy maid is here Lance is alway in the back now for those people don't know whitewater rafting is it's really dangerous like the water is going like 40 50 miles per hour you're like a pinball in a pinball machine every time you hit a rock ping you bounce off that's all that's all so we're in the water but we're not doing bad we're doing good we're doing pretty damn good we going oh it's fun scary but it's fun we hit a rock bounce off I turn around I don't see 90 no more here's one my closest friend so now I'm scared I'm worried right oh shit where's Amen I turn around names foot is caught on the clamp on the side of the rat and we're dragging him but he's so scared he not blinking he's just looking to me heck good so he was I pulled me up man pulled me up pull me up now I couldn't pull him up cuz I was laughing my yoga you ever get that laugh where you get that cramp like y'all somebody's I put me I can't man I got a cramp I pull really I'm serious this shit hurt like hell man yeah I dream blinking bleed so I can stop laughing right stop huh finally he started he he blinks on stop laughing I get him back in a rash like y'all that's it take me back I'm not doing this shit no more I'm gonna do it you me not doing this the more you made me do it we're gonna finish no I'm serious we start arguing Lancers in the back cuz i yo y'all better focus cuz hellhole is coming up hell hole is a waterfall that's probably like from that balcony to the floor right then go straight down the only way you get out of hell hole you gotta ride the way you don't ride the wave you get stuck in the middle they got to come and chopper you out cuz all the water gets a flood raster they gotta get you out right I'm having so much fun I start talking shit I'm so small where I can lean on the front of the Rev like a hood ornament I was like fuck hell hole I didn't want to do top tanning I wanted to be original oh so lazy I'm serious focus y'all focus we go down hell hole Lancers like everybody paddle paddle paddle we all start paddling as hard as we could it did not look like we were gonna make it outside the hell hole so we all lock eyes at the same time everybody jumped out the raft we all jump it I saved myself I didn't give a fuck about nobody my wife nobody I got to a rock I turned around I saw my wife doing some weird kind of doggy paddle trying to get to me but when I saw her I didn't want her to see me see her cause then she would want me to get back in the water and go get her I wasn't gonna do it so I turned around this way like I never saw her she's like Kevin hey where are you you gotta be a part of your own rescue you gotta help me help you she's like thank you I understanding right now she finally got to the rock this is the second time that I left somebody for dead and they survived well once again it was an awkward moment I didn't know what to say I was like hey look who made herself a swimmer up top give me some bring it in she did one here none of that shit right so she gets on a rock naked on the rock Lance is like a Marine he got his paddle in his mouth his casts out the water he doing the doggy paddle we went on he gets on a rock I'm like okay where's my II say my best friend I'm worried right now I don't know what the thing cuz my friend isn't here I'm like Lance where my friend at he like yo don't worry he's underwater he'll pop up hey wait with you what you mean he'll pop up like he he gonna pop up dead he's the well if he is we can bring him back the woods wait what what do you mean we're bring him back man go we gotta go get him on cue now ain't pops up right he's so afraid when he pops up that he's not moving his hand he's looking straight ahead he's got his life vest in his paddle like this and he's just looking straight ahead and blinking he's blinking a whole fucking like that's how he was scared this is the rock sweetie like right where you are that's when I ain't miss I'm like yo turn on your stomach get to the rock I know he hear me cuz he's blinking but I'm like I hope he's not trying to give me like a more as cold as some shit like that because I don't know Moriscos right so I'm like y'all turn his stomach it's in rock this asshole keeps floating past the damn rock I'm looking at him he's looking at me blinking like shit I'm like what are you doing he start waving his pad oh and air breeze my waving his paddle in the air cuz he want somebody to grab his paddle and pull him up I'm not tall enough to grab his paddle I'm not even about to attempt to reach out and fall so I give meaning the same predicament as him I didn't want that problem so Nate was like throwing the lifeline I was like what if we needed let him deal with this situation so he's going down the middle of the raft right he's now doing this with his panel in the middle of the river going back and forth cuz he wants me to grab him pull him in there and like I said we're the only black people there all the other white fans over there I like semi-pros they do this all the time they're like professionals some parents were like using their kids as paddles they were doing tricks like it was serious I'm real serious now name is a Muslim here's why I tell his story he's a Muslim he'd been a Muslim his whole life a serious Muslim like not a half-assed Muslim like he one of them Muslims that read the back of packets you know talking about like like hey man you want to start bursting let me see the packet give it to me mm-hmm read that look that's pork right there I told you man sport he one of them Muslims right this why I tell his story he's in the middle of the river waving his paddle back and forth this white guy is going right towards him the white guy smacked his paddle out the way move man you messing up the trail I saw this with my own eyes move you messed up the trail man not a m-- without hesitation he was like Jesus please help he didn't even ask Allah for help hit him he went straight to Christianity he was like I'm not the time wait you rat man he's like Jesus come out I told him he's a phony you should eat a pork salad to kill himself immediately Hey y'all have been a great crowd man thank you all I appreciate

Info

Channel: Affection

Views: 4,057,761

Rating: 4.7916784 out of 5

Keywords: Kevin Hart, comedy, white water rafting, funny, hilarious, muslim, story, im a grown little man, humor

Id: as-kuWcHIT0

Channel Id: undefined

Length: 10min 23sec (623 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 25 2011

Reddit Comments

The only black people in Chattanooga. Is he on drugs?

👍︎︎ 6 👤︎︎ u/IamaBastardChild 📅︎︎ Jul 10 2019 🗫︎ replies

He annoys the shite out of me.

👍︎︎ 2 👤︎︎ u/TNGunner 📅︎︎ Jul 10 2019 🗫︎ replies