Genshin Impact Review | My Money is Gone | Waifu Simulator 老婆

gunshin impact is a game which has sucked away my soul and killed my dog i first began playing genji impact because of all the cute women then experienced a popiosus and a philosophical enlightenment through the death of my own ego i love gentian impact but this game will have an impact on your social life and even after you stop playing you will not recover to this day it has left me in a perpetual state of sophisticated maulding and i recommend it for all the wrong reasons in this game you play as sean impact an extra dimensional being whose brother was eaten by mega bloks and is forced to navigate avatar the last airbender for weeaboos powered by its simple chemistry system in which characters electrocute burn and throw rocks at each other one of those is much less cool but it like australopithecus was my primary source of damage now trapped in the land of gotcha hell our protagonist must find a way to save our siblings by fighting geometry the indigenous inhabitants of twitter space midgets and the ice kgb as well we are here to explore solve puzzles play prop hunt cook get arrested for looking at zhong ling too much get sentenced to 10 years and emerge from prison a devout buddhist this video is going to be about my experience playing this interesting game and how to objectively have the most fun with it it's a very bad sign when most people who play the game don't recommend it but i do although i am slightly a dingus so i don't recommend you take my opinion as fact but as entertainment so whether you're new to this strange otherworldly chinese software or a genshin pro please allow me to tell you the tale of how this left a gangshin impact into my frontal lobe here's a fun tip that most gentian players don't know the age of consent is 18 years old let's begin with what's maximally important not the gameplay not the story nor anything you would typically associate with a video game the single most important thing in this game is rolling dice to gain attractive people and then parading them around like a child on tlc i do not exaggerate when i say this is probably what attracted most people to this game if you want an example lisa is a character who continually refers to herself as oneesama and sounds like she is at all times on the verge of sex i received her after completing a quest and then decided that i would use lisa exclusively to do rock climbing that way i could repeatedly hear her oddly enthusiastic moaning for the next 10 hours of gameplay i literally installed this game after downloading 60 images of gondyu since the official lore of the game specifies that she killed a monster after being eaten by it because her ass was so big it blocked his trachea and suffocated him to death however there is a catch i don't have gonyu and i never will you have a random chance to get characters and that chance isn't high 5.1 percent to be exact and that's getting anyone so if you want a particular character get [ __ ] you could have your very first role be a high level dps character that carries you through the game with chimpanzee martial arts or you could roll three useless small boys in a row and then desire death it's a [ __ ] guy god damn it and while i'm writing about bad things that could be deal breakers the anti-cheat for this game is very strong and has ring zero permissions on your kernel this means that it can read and write memory at any location in your computer without seg-faulting i however am not afraid since if xi jinping does harvest my computer's data all he will find is 50 pages of waluigi hentai it's your loss and yes it does turn off when the game isn't running so this review is going to include a guide on how to have fun because like real life lusting after women causes suicidal depression step one play as optimally as you want do not try to mim-max [ __ ] because r jesus will snap your [ __ ] neck do whatever is fun with whatever you have in my case i decided that i would roleplay as a violent mistandrist and only play as women out of principle any men that i rolled would be locked at level 1 and made useful in the coal mines it is simply not worth it for me to engage in combat if i cannot also yank it the central point of the characters is that they are potential wives and i am absolutely definitely 1 000 secure in my masculinity playing the game optimally in this case would mean making the game boring and staring at man ass so [ __ ] it if for instance i had wanted a particular legally questionable female to be my digital puppet the chance of me receiving that would be 0.3 which is where this image comes from take what you can get with the roles don't be mad exercise patience and control and you will have a lot more fun i definitely have not sold my house to get big titty pirate mommy but maxor i hear your thoughts why are you displaying a single image of a regular crab on my screen and also what is the world of gentian impact and why are we here that is a great question james because before we get into the exploration and the combat we must first understand the context with which i run my beauty pageant and like every game made by asian people on my channel the lore is some hyperborean [ __ ] so let's say rule number two of enjoying the game is not caring about this just like 90 of the player base the world of tavot is ruled collectively by seven gods who govern the seven elements except the nature god he's special this came about because 800 years ago there were like 80 gods or something then everything changed with the fire nation attendo but actually seven seals opened up in heaven so literally every god fought over their power to the death the result was the seven gods of each element we see today each ruling over their own nation in their own [ __ ] up ways every once in a while these delusional bastards will just give random people superpowers like how the electricity god just gave a girl with a mental disorder a talking bird this also includes small children who could very possibly kill themselves for some reason now the world you see in game takes place in two nations or three if you're from the future the first is monstat a lawless anarcho-capitalist commune in new hampshire which has no formal governance of any kind they instead rely institutionally on vigilante justice including a hot batman as a result an entire territory of their nation is completely overrun with wolves no one has the systemic authority to stop people from exercising their rights and liberties to feed the wolves babies oh also there's the [ __ ] dragon problem did i not mention the murderous dragon next we have the nation of liue an extremely rich and powerful country to the east they have recently come into conflict with monstad due to the luhua pool massacre of 69 as well as an aggressive foreign policy involving a nine-dashed line in the sea of clouds headed by the tian schwann ninguang of the liue qi shing those are all real names leeway exhibits an unprecedented level of prosperity and control living happily under the watchful eye of the rock god who periodically disguises himself to ensure that the populace is behaving well and upholding their state contracts just in case now china i know you're new to making video games yet in my country we have a long history of shooting people but who lives in leeway and who lives and where is in the answer is unfortunate populating this extensive world will be several factions of enemies with subgroups elemental specializations and [ __ ] [ __ ] the enemy variety of this game paints a picture of a post-apocalyptic nightmare world where raving bands of savages constantly destroy everything locking humanity in a perpetual state of warfare with armies of bandits and the [ __ ] people one of these groups is the hillatures an intelligent race capable of empathy and complex thoughts which is why they must be destroyed these guys make the gombe chimpanzee war look like a [ __ ] joke and at no point does anyone in the entire game even give a shred of sympathy for the helitures except for elon musk they can be big gorilla small monkey operate complex machinery and have their own language this makes it more fun to slaughter entire villages of them and steal their possessions with no consequences in fact you're encouraged to do it overall i would rate them a genocide out of 10. next are the country-sized hordes of organized bandits called the treasure hoarders who are just regular guys forced to fight you with shovels and molotov cocktails are you sure we're the good guys it's fortunate that because they committed a crime their lives are now forfeit abyss mages are very simple because they are one enemy with two reskins who are also inhuman beings of the dark void who have sworn vengeance upon humanity itself they also dwell almost entirely in [ __ ] space the fatoui of snezhnaya are heavily armed diplomats seeking to dominate the world of tavat through subterfuge and employing nine-foot tall people with hammers is absolutely conducive to this goal i promise they are unique among tavat because they serve the interest of the zaritsa of saneshanaya also known as the god of ice that's important because it's very weird that they primarily use electricity and fire i guess the ice god is just [ __ ] lazy the future are always up to no good like stealing the wind god's power or like a bank heist they're also really hot so i'm not stopping them finally we have the local wildlife of tavot which is 90 slimes and 10 these [ __ ] i spent most of the fight waiting to do something computer deactivate iguana that's really what the combat is all about sometimes it's like holy [ __ ] that is a whale and other times it's like i think that bush just [ __ ] really no matter what happens you're in for an experience let's find out if that's bad or worse [ __ ] getting intact is a game about flow where to maximize their power the player dynamically switches between their dps character and everyone else rule number three gentian impact pick one your typical team is comprised of your dps baby your heel support your birth support and moral support think of it like a train you only need one engine and enough weight to kill terry davis now like everything characters have elemental alignments which depending on the enemy can ruin the game my wife barbara could heal me but in the process must make everyone wet which makes us a proverbial bathtub which enemies will then catapult toasters into for massive damage it's a [ __ ] blast you feel like a chemistry professor gone grow using the elements to his advantage and then blowing himself up in the process unless your dps uses rocks in which case you know uh just just watch i guess everything is elements and everyone has an elemental skill and alignment unless you're the nature god who has no characters some are bad and others are very bad but many are completely game changing like how better's elemental skill adds a parry mechanic to the game or how ninguang invalidates all ranged enemies the combat is definitely its strength and is an experiment in how bad you can craft your psychotic dog water alchemy and hopefully create a moving ball of destruction strong enough to kill god to extend this concept every character uses one of five unique weapon classes such as mongolian controller erosion the waiting game egg catapults and the speed demon so be careful with who you choose and what weapons that oh wait no it's random get [ __ ] now this would all be excellent gameplay if it didn't sometimes amount to throwing two sponges at each other enemies scale to your level and generally health is not hard to come by so depending on your investment some enemies could take minutes to kill this all amounts to making a classic video game build the tank entirely useless you don't need a tank because you will be switching to your dps anyways who is a tank against your will health is literally always a shackle and a curse that is of course unless you're playing barbara whose healing scales only off of health making her tankier than tienen let's go over an example party to give you some idea of the insanity that we're working with it is optimal in most of my combat scenarios to cause forest fires by throwing a spicy bear why well it's obvious my dps beto can parry anything which includes the heat of fire or how about ninguang who spawns a wall inside of enemies like it's garry's mod we just do it to piss them off did i also mention you can invite your insane discord stalker to play co-op with you the combat is fully functional hello max i made a mistake and this isn't even going into the complicated system by which you customize artifacts upgrade your weapon and level your character's talents because that's boring it can be made especially boring when you have to pick 30 mushrooms to do it but you know here we are that leads me to my next point you're gonna have to explore for those mushrooms and that sounds bad but it's actually the best part get ready for some cross-country gaming because we literally have a lot of ground to cover so rule number four of gentian impact is that if you see something just go you've probably noticed at some point that this game looks identical to breath of the wild right down to the ui this is an objectively correct assessment it's just that the game doesn't give a [ __ ] and neither should we breath of the wild was so good that i wanted breath of the wild with more anime [ __ ] because god damn it why did nintendo make zelda look like that the amount of bandits and foreign soldiers in this game suddenly makes sense when you realize it has the geography of [ __ ] afghanistan it's quite the vertical place but you're given the tools to navigate it like your feet or your sweat and there is quite a bit to see so for an example when i first installed the game i didn't know that leeway was in it that's over half of the map i was doing a quest that required a wild radish so i naturally went hiking to find it and accidentally discovered the entirety of ming dynasty china at which point i was wrongfully assaulted after being mistaken for opium this is one of those games where you start finding chess in the wild and within 30 minutes are flying to a strange island with a man named jeffrey it's actually not that different to skyrim but this game makes skyrim look like it's in kansas there is always something to do and always something to find you would think that would get stale but they just keep finding ways to turn on my neurons there is a puzzle i just wanted the chest which spans an entire region of the game where you have to climb three mountains you can spend an afternoon doing that and it's viable there is no direction that you can go that will not help you in some tangible way and that's what's important about exploration it's not just pretty it's optimal you see the [ __ ] right here this activates my [ __ ] almonds exploring this game trains your neurons to fire at the most basic of incentives like a lab chimp but seriously if you aren't yet considering the game just have fun exploring it stop and smell the flowers and accidentally find china over a vegetable i found it eventually it it took three hours now if the review had ended here this would be a definite recommend because the game is free it costs zero dollars it cannot yank your bank not that i would know but i must warn you that there are some serious drawbacks besides the [ __ ] chinese surveillance state that you have to install so it's time to give you the final tools and rules that you need to enjoy this game [Music] [Applause] regular numerous way of getting impact is just please god use your residency so to explain that you have to understand that this game works by mostly giving you what you want when you seek it out unless it's crit damage so you don't end up mindlessly slugging for 10 hours a day for a single goddamn warframe chassis but there is a catch when it comes to grinding there is a clever way to make sure that you can't trivialize the entire game which is that the game just stops you you expend resin when you kill a boss want money want xp want artifacts want to live want to see my daughter again pretty much anything and if you have no resin well better wait god will collect his existence tax and you will [ __ ] pay even if you live in monstat the irs is an eternal fixture of the universe and although it's nice to have fair guarantees for artifacts it has the unique side effect of stopping the game from being played you get 160 a day and for reference you spent 40 for boss loot so good luck and if you thought that was bad get ready for rule 6 which is yeah you you got to do the daily quests we gentian players are always hard at work on the daily dopamine farms putting in that grind so that we can have a four star object every 20 days it really makes a man wonder why we bothered with making murder illegal in the first place thank you kane this game can give you a lot if you decide to commit yourself to it but if you don't you will be scraping for crack crystals in a back alley maybe make a youtube video that alone is probably enough to discourage most people i thought i was going to be one of those people until i realized that i liked the game stockholm syndrome is actually cool and for our final rule you don't want to play with english voices set it to literally any other language except english now the voice work isn't horrendous but uh it doesn't sound like the dialogue was actually written for english and the translation is [ __ ] hilarious the wolves frighten him so badly that he's paralyzed with fear we've looked everywhere and haven't seen any other walls so do what i do and play in japanese then switch the game to chinese whenever you're in leeway for maximum immersion please send missiles to liberate my country from the yoke of capitalism now that you're armed with what you need should you play the game only if you have self-control it's not worth it to spend money on the game i'm serious and that's why you should give me your money so i can spend it responsibly remember the game is free and so is the porn i would like to thank the kind chinese billionaires and international arms dealers of the max or patreon for funding my hopeless and deadly addictions if you would like to help fund the videos corrupting america's youth in the name of max like maoism you can head to the description to learn more thank you all for watching and waiting and of course your ip address has already been traced oh

Channel: Max0r

Views: 1,797,783

Keywords:

Id: xW8wSEV_EO0

Length: 16min 44sec (1004 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 20 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/Baizhu_waiting_room]

If its a waifu simulator, then why is klee in the image?

FBI OPEN UP

[u/Mr_K_Boom]

Saw a not very well known but my fav Youtuber upload a genshin content.... might as well share it.

hope this is not a violation of the community rules

[u/Its-A_me]

I love that guy