An Incorrect Summary of Ace Combat 7

ace combat 7 is a game which takes place in the strange real universe a deeply imagined world in which 90 of the planet is populated by white people and like most white people with disposable income the denizens of strangereal spend their time creating various gigantic super and arming mutes in this inspired story the kingdom of aruja conducts a surprise attack on the federation of osea on the continent of yusuf against the fed i i can't do these names dude are you serious uh so there's like the space elevator it's they want the space out your aruja wants the space elevator they just want it and you are one of the few blessed psychopaths chosen to turn the tide of this war so whether you're new to ace combat or a grizzled veteran grab a seat and please enjoy an incorrect summary of ace combat 7. all right men is the first step in your briefing i'm going to have to ask you to ignore all those subtitles at the bottom i don't know what's causing them whole continent's [ __ ] and we're [ __ ] and everything's getting bombed and i think it has something to do with that a giant elevator that we built or something so technically when i say everything i also mean ourselves because we are being bombed right now you should go into the air right now before you die so you keep an eye out for all of the enemy bombers until they die while meeting your incredibly quirky squad mates this is clown he's interesting all right guys so it turns out it actually was the gigantic elevator we're very sorry about that one for some reason the erusian military was able to take over a continent-sized object in about one day but that's fine we'll deal with that i want you guys to like bomb someplace so just go do it okay any aircraft shot down could land in civilian territory that's how war is these days you go to town murdering innocent unarmed transportation aircraft when you suddenly hear a strange beeping noise on the horizon and find out that obama is an irrusian and that he's sending his drone army to strike your kundals hospital and you have to kill them before they reach an innocent iraqi child but you are able to get to the iraqi child first invalidating their mission and forcing them to leave okay so as it turns out bombing random third world countries isn't actually an effective military tactic and we need to get to the space elevator in order to rescue president donald trump who is being held captive there in order to mount a rescue we need you guys to get air superiority around this amazon warehouse it'll be easy trust me trigger time to show the other guys that we get went wild and do dirty dirty things [ __ ] off clown when you get there you spend five minutes going pig wild in your bumble bee ass ride before you get a bad taste in your stomach because the briefing man was foreshadowing hey guys it's jeff bezos again from the inside of my gigantic arsenal bird i heard somebody ordered a package from me and i wasn't able to get them to you on time but don't worry because i am here with the package it is death you will now die cease to be high command then decides that the most intelligent course of action is to engage the amazon drone hub in combat but actually they failed to account for the gigantic force fields and also the 30 missiles what the [ __ ] there's so many goddamn missiles and just when things couldn't go more wrong he arrives in the midst of your retreat you were not able to prevent the actions of womanslayer69 also you figure out by a cutscene that women's layer 69 is actually the world's oldest in-cell and is therefore a wizard all of the drones are based off of his flight data exclusively so that they don't have sex all right guys it's finally time to go in and save the president he has engulfed in at least three seconds and that's terrible i'm gonna go send the mute guy to flying under the radar or something i don't know he can't object to this so you gotta fly through this annoying ass series of bubbles inside the radar i am absolutely having fun right now i'm having fun you get to the base of the space elevator and then defend air force six as he starts to land you do this for about 20 minutes some serious help me this won't stop amazon warehouse starts going clown mode liaison helicopter is taking serious damage you have to save him there's uav right there stop them all right so maybe i shouldn't have sent a potentially psychopathic mute to rescue the president but don't worry guys i take no responsibility for it whatsoever his punishment for killing the president is that we will send him to a place that is far away where he will never touch an airplane ever again so they take you to a [ __ ] airfield that's being run by convicts and the warden's just like no let's just go send these prisoners up in the air it'll be funny don't give them weapons though so you report to the nice lady whose job it is to repair all the aircraft in the base but she's probably very surprised when she has to find parts for an experimental xo2 strike wyvern equipped with high-tech railguns who the [ __ ] is this new guy you fly around the base for a bit without weapons and it actually is pretty funny until several dozen people die tragically in a bombing with new aircraft and a new base comes new friends such as belkin gambler just a [ __ ] [ __ ] champ i i don't know what champ does and the nickelback vocalist because getting convicts weaponry and the ability to escape is just fine the base commander turns on your gigantic railgun you successfully repel the attackers from your base we begin to astral project in order to look at women slayer 69 and his friends jeff bezos and children only to witness actual pedophilia from time to time i'd catch myself looking at him they were such enthralling creatures at which point we were able to figure out woman slayer 69's true name his real name is mihai dimitri magritta cornelius mihai's granddaughters finally go outside in order to see the princess of aruja and her amazing dog they have a cordial conversation all right since you guys don't want to fly away from me for some reason probably because you want to kill as many people as possible we're just going to send you on a mission to destroy as many human lives as we can i'm honestly afraid of you please leave this place at once so you're sent into the deserts of roca roja to destroy three different military bases for 20 minutes and if you fail once you restart the entire [ __ ] level somebody should have told high roller that before he died god damn it while playing this level you are constantly threatened by the warden to continue playing or die you'll pay for this you'll pay for this hey guys glad to see you back at base again not dead like i intended you to be at the very beginning of the last suicide mission but anyways this time i will be sending you to the totally plausible air mission of flying through rural chinese valleys in the middle of a thunderstorm to assist friendly recon aircraft i hope that you guys make it through this mission very safely so that you don't harm my family or anyone close to me so you journey all the way to the siemens valley oh my [ __ ] god you move into assist friendlies who are being [ __ ] oh [ __ ] god damn but seriously the mission is mostly about escorting friendly aircraft why do i hear latin music in the background you could have done that sooner i want to understand the enemy yeah that's right this is actually a boss fight whoa where the hell are you going dude everyone is very impressed by the air show that you two put on seemingly because neither of your bloodstreams are actually affected by gravity eventually you are able to hit me high enough to the point where he's like wait a [ __ ] second there's thunder clouds here what the [ __ ] am i doing and then he retreats no matter how quickly you shoot him with your gun i'm glad that my plan to kill some of you is partially successful we got a filler mission for you guys we finally figured out a way to utilize your plane-based in-cell range so you're sensing to destroy an oil facility and all the workers inside i bet they had families but that honestly makes it better a sudden sand cloud appears and what remains of the survivors board fuel trucks to try and get even the slightest bit of money to feed their charred sons and daughters you simply mercilessly gunned them down in the middle of a storm because i i don't know why why would you do that i have decided that i like you all and that your lives are definitely worth preserving we need you guys to destroy radar bases at the guayapolo mountains but to do that you need to stay underneath cloud cover for at least 90 percent of the mission or you'll die but i believe in you you make your way through the claustrophobic valleys only peeking above the clouds to quickly take out radar bases before a satellite launches a guided missile at you i'm serious hell once you're finished with that a mysterious squadron of friendlies appear on the horizon who all seem to support breast cancer research and behave strangely they especially seem to behave strangely as soon as they start firing at you guys i absolutely [ __ ] swear that this time is not me trying to kill you although it would be convenient for somebody who was definitely not me if you were to die to them it looks like they somehow spoofed our identification system by hacking about half of the entire satellite array that we possess also jeff bezos is sending nuclear missiles to whack your ass please move so you recalibrate your identification system and then kill all of them while being [ __ ] nuked and that's fine i'm fine until it's time to kill the very last enemy in the whole area go get them one to go where is it this is it all right i got the last one damn it god damn it why is this tagged as an enemy all right so high command is actually going to be disbanding our unit because i killed the base commander nine days ago and have been pretending to command the military ever since who left the confetti on count and that weird mute guy gets to be pardoned and enter the actual military because they were so effective at killing everybody that i told them to provided of course that you succeed in your next mission the rest of us are evacuating to tyler one island the entire mission is simply escorting one kernel to a different base inside of his plane and i'm serious all you do is just protect him but for some reason if you shoot him and fail the mission you get points this proceeds for about 15 minutes until you receive an unusual signal on your radar so you fight x-ash a-12 who like you has no blood and seeks revenge upon the land of osi for okay he's dead hey congrats on your pardons guys and welcome to the long-range strategic strike group try i said that 10 times faster our next mission is to strike a group at long range strategically as the long-range strategic strike will be able to turn the tide of the war if only we could just disable their fleet so go do that please as surprising as it is having a former convict in the squad it's even more surprising that he showed up in an experimental erosion xo2 strike wyvern equipped with high-tech railguns who the [ __ ] is this new guy with a new squad and new challenges comes new teammates such as woman male human look at this photograph every time i do it makes me laugh and like everyone else i i don't know they just don't talk in addition to killing the fleet using your gigantic lower portions you target the non-combatant bases that maintain them filled with people who have children and dogs who will never see their owners come back all the while your squad is role playing as chickens what the [ __ ] stop treating me okay guys i'm gonna give it to you really straight uh we're losing the war we're actually getting annihilated on every single possible front and it's all thanks to jeff bezos and his two gigantic amazon drone hubs therefore we have devised a plan where we're going to reboot a gigantic cannon in the middle of erosion territory and then fire it at him what once killed asteroids now kills [ __ ] i really don't know if it'll work but like 90 of the problems that we have in this world are solved by giant super weapons so let's do it so you select an a10 knowing full well that you'll only be fighting ground forces this mission and ground forces you fight like a lot like stop how did we sneak an entire army into their territory after fighting for several generations you look to the sky and hear the sound of money rubbing together all right [ __ ] i heard that someone here was taking a [ __ ] unauthorized bathroom break in my giggle warehouse and i've had it up to here with that [ __ ] you think you'll be able to piss on me with your cannon but it won't work yeah don't bring an a10 to this mission jesus christ they're all faster than me and they've already destroyed all the cannon sensors if only there was some way to aim a cannon with your eyes so high command orders you to take out the propellers to slow the drone hub down enough to hit it manually jesus christ what the [ __ ] is happening over here oh my god how is wise man supposed to take like 10 missiles at once and not die this is completely [ __ ] insane i can't tell what the [ __ ] is going on but i probably got the propeller yo guys i can't tell what the [ __ ] going on but i think he got the propeller shoot the gun all right i see how it is [ __ ] you want a pee pee poo poo and your stinky ass diaper but i got money to spare [ __ ] i got 12 000 parking tickets i'll be back around my second drone hub and next time you won't have your shitty ass kiss yellow cannon [ __ ] the launch of me again all right so we've seized like half the continent it's kind of weird how their entire military strategy relies on two airplanes for this mission you will be inserting a deep penetration munition bomb into the enemy make sure that your plane looks like a zebra it'll be funny this mission is very simple all the player has to do is look at the bunker and slide the missile right in also the music's like [ __ ] sick dude so good you take out all of the silos but apparently that doesn't matter because they just launch actual icbms anyways there is absolutely no piece of technology more equipped to intercept nuclear weapons than a fighter jet so you do that and everyone's happy that you did it it's great hey google how can i kill one million people what the [ __ ] is going on with the music all right so the enemy has this gigantic [ __ ] submarine and i'm talking like rail guns and two nuclear reactors and it can launch [ __ ] planes why would you make a submarine that big this submarine previously known as the alicorn remained at the bottom of the sea for 698 days and instead of sending the crew to get psychological help they just put them back on the submarine so recipe for success we are receiving unconfirmed unsubstantiated and possibly falsified reports that the crew has come into possession of wmds so you need to invade them like right now so you set off in like four of your planes to fight 20 of theirs that make sense that's fine i'm fine you mercilessly slaughter as many people as you possibly can knowing that you're the good guy and everything you do is to save lives eventually allies arrive with boosters to make your missiles fly faster do they just like add propellant i don't know how they do that then you hear something in the distance which kind of sounds like angry children talking on an encrypted radio channel also this is completely by accident but i was able to instantly kill the boss within a few seconds eventually the captain of the submarine is just like wait a minute what if we turn on the submarine that would be insane also guys i want you to launch the nuke so while the nuke is in the oven they just kill everyone i don't know why they didn't prepare for that possibility what the [ __ ] do you mean you can't deploy a nuke unless it's on the back of a plane that makes no sense see you spend like a solid minute chasing them dirty boots down the crisp white sheets of my bed that i had just made yo guys do you know what's up with like that raving homeless guy that keeps talking on the channel ahoy me mateys it'd be me captain taras and i'm here to tell you that you can prevent like 99 of all wars by nuking the capital of ocean i learned about yi knowledge while stuck under the sea for 698 days while only being able to watch virtual youtuber content and now i'm insane as any old scurvy dog on this ship your her it's my mental illness so i get to choose the coping mechanism all right so we're pretty sure that the raving homeless guy has to park in anchor head bay in order to resupply his giant submarine just nuke the entire [ __ ] port i don't know it's a filler mission i think i've already talked at length about missions where you just kill things for 15 minutes straight and then nothing else happens so we're gonna move on to things that are exciting yo ho ho on the sea we go send this bomb in a way they blow for salvation we fight and the truth we know i will kill again and again for this virtual hoe yeah so a big part of this mission is actually dodging all the cluster munitions that apache the pirate sends at you hang on guys i think i hear a different kind of mental illness on the horizon you do battle with them and i will admit it's actually pretty amazing i i'm having fun uh they however they're not having fun having a dramatic moment here but i'm about to bond you to david so you obliged her just once only to figure out that captain torres actually ended up resupplying while you were distracted by them and get this he did it in five minutes canonically all right guys is anyone able to guess what kind of weapon taurus loaded onto a submarine not what am i kidding of course it's a nuke it's always a nuke he's gone completely rogue from the erusian military and they are no longer responsible for his actions based off of his insane homeless ranting we were able to figure out that his intentions are to nuke the city of ored and kill a million people in an attempt to end the lighthouse war please don't let him do that the war is really profitable so you set out to protect the planes that are dropping buoys to locate the submarine and how many [ __ ] planes can fit inside of submarine you eventually find the damn thing and everyone shoots at it to make it surface then you shoot at the submarine because like what else would you not shoot at it also um as funny as my pirate voice is uh the real voice actor for torres is even better than that [Music] then he fires his main guns at you an aircraft everyone's acting gangster until the water starts speaking latin you go in for one last attack on the ballast tower then he deploys force fields like how did he get that but just before you were able to destroy the ship fully taurus sends a message and here we are we surrender please don't [ __ ] kill us okay but you'll have to like hand over all your anime in the nuke the what the [ __ ] nuke tour is what else would i be talking about no no no no the other thing the anime torres you have to hand that [ __ ] over it's like a hazard we live in a society if i can't watch marine channel youtube.com then no one else will [ __ ] i miss kill that mute son of a [ __ ] right now make your screen shake a lot i will flood the back of this submarine to give the gun the elevation it needs one million lives you should have just let me kept my enemy you [ __ ] skunk okay then we are planning on conducting a long-range assault in the erusian capital farbanti in order to do that we first have to capture an airbase at capernaum we need your planes to raid their defenses undetected so your only option is to travel through a narrow canyon good luck so you fly in through the valley and pass all the spotlights do they not like hear anything hey bro do you see any jets what then you commence your attack and for once things actually go pretty smoothly you protect osean marines as they enter the base and capture it swiftly bringing pizza wait what pizza all prisoners of war will be treated in accordance with international law we've even brought pizza all right guys that was surprisingly easy it's time to take the capital farbanti this is in conjunction with an assault on their satellite array that will not backfire we're going to be taking the city like we take any other civilian settlement that we come across violently barbary is a downright amazing level but unfortunately that means i don't get that much to talk about it's just like a big fun sandbox where you kill everything and it's like 20 minutes long what more can i say just look how beautiful the level it wait no i hear latin again what is that yeah i bet you [ __ ] forgot about me in my epic theme music but i'm back and i'm rebranded i'm a new man i'm no longer a woman slayer 69 as i've had sex just as she goes to a different school than i do i am now simply racist instead of sexist you fight the guys who arrive late to the most important battle of the war for no reason so your commander wiseman decides to bait me high into a chase how is an imcel supposed to have grandkids anyways okay first of all i'm no longer an intel as i appreciate the stated my sex woman goes to a different school and second of all my son was adopted after i killed his parents for having sex that's behind me now i'm a new man worthy of respect alright so wise men may be a bit [ __ ] dead but it's fine it's not like the sky is falling or anything oh [ __ ] me i can't even access racist forums.com this sucks i'm gonna leave see ya alright so the game decided that it was going to escalate things even further than it already has the entire world satellite array has been destroyed by an exponential cycle of debris caused by you shooting at their satellites like a [ __ ] child no one can tell what's going on nothing makes sense no communication gets through no one listens to high command and we're i guess we're just gonna keep shooting people let's just we're gonna do that all right man our only option is to intervene in a bloody civil war that will inevitably lead to more harm than good i have no orders to do this by the way it's just fun a defecting colonel is attempting to give us the coca-cola recipe so we need to have him survive this mission involves carefully escorting the colonel through a dark city identifying every single target before you fire okay well i i guess he's dead now awesome now unfortunately mute guy uh we actually don't have the resources to court martial you again so we're just gonna forget that ever happened at this point our only option to win the civil war is to take out jeff bezos's still-active gigantic drone hub but in order to do that we have to not starve to death a bunch of cool internet skeptics have separated from aruja and they call themselves the liberalists i don't know just take their [ __ ] lunch money their nerds so you go for an easy and fun raid on their castle attempting to secure the coca-cola inside you start to notice that you get points for destroying tents full of refugees but we're going to ignore that just like the developers oh god damn it not again it's the [ __ ] latin music what the [ __ ] are you guys doing in my house i just want to be racist in peace can a man get some peace i told you i'm not meant so anymore so you don't got to steal all the enemy pillows i got in that castle up it's time to move the light speed for no reason you know i don't actually like the drones oh [ __ ] a missile i actually got 50 of all amazon purchases in exchange for my helping creating the drones it was sweet it just kind of sucks how he wants to take over the world and all actually i just realized i have to live in a world without internet so can you kill me jeff bezos and jack dorsey are going to restrict my racism on the internet you have to kill them please man i sure do wonder what mihai is doing these days i bet he enjoys the gift cards though building a robot army gets kind of boring sometimes and i need to find a way to transmit my new schematics to the world without a satellite wait a minute i'm i'm inside of a space elevator right now you're a genius jeff so anyways i stole the old incels [ __ ] airplane both sides of the civil war are now engaged in battle to seize the space elevator but we are here to stop amazon's takeover of the planet so naturally he sends his capitalistic mcdukesy it's kind of weird how many missiles i can fit onto this propeller-propelled aircraft but that's just a free market to work guys why the [ __ ] you sending so many goddamn missiles at me you've all forfeited your prime subscriptions oh no the little baby doesn't have a gigantic [ __ ] piss can to kill me can't do it also i've installed a laser that i failed to mention you're making use of until just now with no options left you are forced to take on the arsenal bird head-on and every time you do he uses the force fields jesus dude stop it jeff bezos eventually figures out that he can just keep the force field on forever like why wouldn't he but he forgot one crucial detail force fields are a subscription service [ __ ] when i said cancel everyone's subscriptions i didn't mean my own stop doing that right now or i will be forced to lobby congress i will never pay taxes as long as i live hey guys can we talk this out a little bit maybe get a cup of tea while i get my subscription back on fine then i guess you'll just have to [ __ ] kill me and not have any more amazon warehouse to give you books and hulu and [ __ ] not to [ __ ] starve little boys and with that the last hope of jeff bezos's world takeover is destroyed but vengeance is another matter entirely [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] see so you fight two new drones hugging and mugging in an intense battle for the fate of the human race you struggle with them for minutes on end attempting to prevent them from uploading the schematics to the world which would only ensure the defeat of mankind eventually you gain the upper hand on both of them because you you don't have any blood inside of you you race into the tunnel to reach the space elevator and stop the upload dodging closing doors and moving at uncomfortably high speed reaching the inner sanctum with less than one minute to spare you launch one final missile and end the robot child once and for all gripping your controls you take the perilous climb to the top of the space elevator to escape plunging into the deep blue of the sky above and once at the top you feel relief you look up to the sky above and you think that heaven might be up there but you don't know for sure you hope torres is up there he seems like a nice guy if he wasn't totally insane you remember all the people that you've left behind on your journey champ high roller yeah nevermind actually you don't remember any of them you think for a moment that no matter what you'll find on the ground love a house a good job it'll never be quite the same as this experience but there is one thing that is pretty close petting a cute dog and not being dead you really want to pet the dog now [Music]

Channel: Max0r

Views: 377,125

Rating: 4.9760289 out of 5

Keywords: AC7, Ace Combat 7, Summarized Incorrectly, Ace Combat Summarized, AC7 Summarized, An Incorrect Summary, Incorrect SUmmary AC7, Incorrect Sumary Ace Combat 7, Max0r

Id: iL2KFkNVzLg

Length: 24min 20sec (1460 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 02 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/FusionFountain]

I’ll be honest, I didn’t fucking believe you until I started watching it

[u/asianlordbuckethead]

Best quote "Its MY mental illness so I get to choose MY coping mechanism"

[u/smellyshorts1]

First time it hasn’t been a false claim

[u/SovereignCommunist]

Oh no Max0r could be a sseth alt

[u/professorkek]

Legit good recommendation.