Final Fantasy 15 "Review" | BTS Adventures™

there are spoilers in the video spinal stagnancy 15 is one of the most unintentionally funny games ever made and i don't award that distinction likely it's um it's trying its best in this game you play as john fantasy an intrepid prince of insomnia accompanied by the bts crew as they travel across korea in their bid to dodge the draft and re-establish the joseon dynasty with jungkook as their one true king if you can think of it 15 do you want to conscript god to kill endangered animals entering super saiyan mode to kill a sea snake compress a mountain-sized turtle into a black hole and break the entire game's leveling system because of lasagna yeah that's possible is it a good game well that's debatable the original director wanted to make the game a musical but you know thank god they added the hyper realistic pizza it just wouldn't be the same this game is one of the most baffling design disasters that i've ever seen and showing it to you in its full absurd glory is a service to my country with hurricane force total shifts batshit story and utterly incomprehensible combat there is no part of this game that didn't surprise me although i don't think they intended that so come along as we dive head first into the boy band madness and recall the finest game of 2016. if you know any latin this game is [ __ ] insulting our story begins with the king of korea whose name is king king lightheaven the 113th i looked it up on the wiki their dynasty is only 2 000 years old meaning for him to be there every single male king must have [ __ ] at 17. maximum he's busy disowning his son and our protagonist knight light heaven in hopes that he will get some blond [ __ ] [ __ ] noctis my son like i have erectile dysfunction it's here that we're introduced to our buddies the bts boys and all of their unique mechanics quicksilver is a light slovenian fanboy who exclusively fights through small arms fire fire knowledge is a smart calculating man who shanks you with rusty knives and sword friendship is a burly reliable bear who hits people with giant chunks of metal with our friends assembled in our car out of gas it's time to begin the game in earnest now it's surprising be that they actually struggle to push their car since noctis can deflect punches from a [ __ ] giant this sets in motion a series of quirky adventures to satiate the bloodlust of park g-min it's time to talk about that combat or better known as a 19th century safari take that and cease hold the lion when it works you're dashing between enemies performing midair backflips and teleporting around fast enough to burn my graphics card for the other half though it's imbalanced as [ __ ] let's go on a quest to explore a level 20 cave in order to get there you'll have to drive down the street take the path and fight the mandatory level 54 giga snake end game bosses are level 53 i'm not even 10 hours in fortunately you could run right past it and straight into the instant kill crabs i'm convinced they put this here by accident there is no reasonable explanation so how do we stop getting crabs like your tag noctis has four slots to use four weapons of various move sets including swords speaker swords london residents i drop the press channel rock on a stick and magic mind freak is pretty cool but uh bullets work a little faster each enemy reacts differently to each weapon forcing you to switch up your playstyle or alternatively just hold down the sword button and watch the game play itself i can just feel the variety but by far the best weapon in your arsenal is the point warp which allows you to travel arbitrary distances at will oh buddy hang on i see a pixel like five miles away the primary contributor towards the game actually being fun is point warp even when i use it to cheese the game not to mention the animation budget is absurd every time you hit someone's back every single time you pair your boss for every boss there is a unique animation you can really feel the animator sweat as he nears the end of his 13-hour japanese workday at the square enix insane asylum leaping 60 feet to stab a dog a midair sword fight and a triple backflip to dunk a crocodile it's all here and it's really janky a common theme for final fantasy xv is that it's fun when it works but it doesn't often work so before our thrilling performance in a [ __ ] dongdujan i'm losing my mind it's important that we go over the rest of our really korean war to answer such questions as why has our dad sent us to nevada why is the cow why won't a virtual youtuber sue the makitami collaborate with me there are six gods or some [ __ ] and they made humans for fun big mistake these include dwayne the rock johnson the wizard the snake the unsafe for youtube unlimited blade works and the god of breakdancing the tango totem in particular was very helpful and told us how to turn on our stove from this the beautiful and powerful civilization of solheim had risen to try and kill the gods immediately presumably with enough nukes to make belka look like clown college this of course forces the dancing deity to strike them down creating demons and alternative political philosophies this pisses everyone off and begins the first korean war forcing the gods to give the kings of lucis some cool swag and the k-pop crystal forever dividing humanity and preventing the manifestation of white people juche so after the defeat of the samba scourge the gods took a nap for like several thousand years leaving the maintenance of earth to the kings of lucis apparently seeing no problem with this so anyways the nifflheim empire just takes over the entire planet using an army of jute demon terminators their new goal is to kill all the gods again except this time while they're sleeping and by the time our game begins the kingdom of lucis has retreated to one city i guess the god's blessing is just [ __ ] now what do you think happens the literal instant that you leave the city for an arranged marriage with the empire [Music] do i hear skydiving i mean i guess the plot has to happen sometime this emotional and life-changing moment affects our protagonist greatly everything he's ever known has been destroyed and nothing will ever be the same again not this you want to go ride some voids it's almost enough to make you forget about your dead family with our lives permanently destroyed it's time for noctis to begin the true trials of a king the first step of which is to find all of the tombs of previous kings spread throughout the world and steal their [ __ ] so we can enter a super saiyan mode thanks grandpa your ashes were delicious this is when the problems begin and they don't end director tetsuya nomura was to put it lightly of [ __ ] bad [ __ ] again he tried to make the game a musical because he watched les miserables once there is no escaping the ghost of cut content it has so many unique and amazing locations that you see one time it's as if the game has too much money but the budget had to be prioritized by [ __ ] cleverbot this took 10 years and two engines to make when you play the main quest it introduces some new characters in elaborate cutscenes and then kills them in a minute you would think the open world would be some relief from this but no the car is on rails they didn't even program driving what does that remind you of speaking of things that the developers forgot to do side quests there's a few of them but out of the 206 possible activities there were only two that were good how can this be well the best way to describe why is to engage in one and i think this market looks like a great place to start hey what's up a king of the planet so i was driving my car and i just so happened to kill my wife by crashing into a tree 90 miles per hour sounds good i need you to go find my mango your [ __ ] what i left them in the truck after killing my wife in a car crash i don't think your problem is mango can you find my mangoes all right we'll just go find the mangoes wow look at these bees thank you for finding the mangoes that i lost when i killed my wife a while back i lost a few apples on the side of the road while driving at night apparently because they didn't have enough money to waste square enix put a cup noodles quest into the game the characters actively rant about the deliciousness of cup noodles they're easy to make whenever you've got a craving and they're delicious to boot if you take something already delicious like cup of noodles and add in the finest freshest ingredients what do you get the ultimate flavor experience so heading through the map's disguised hallways on our disguised train we travel between locations interspersed between vast stretches of absolute nothingness this game already looks great our gang rides to the city of lestalib in search of noctus's ibuprofen fortunately this well-dressed and not suspicious individual has all of the answers that we need this is arden a man who is incapable of speaking normally art nursery rhymes curious things what he is willing to lead us to dwayne the rock johnson's medicine cabinet and we accept without hesitation so after entering his white van with free my chemical romance cds we arrive at dwayne the rock skyrocketing rock slide rocket sprocket i came here to clear a headache so for noctis to gain the god's power and defeat the empire for good he has to beat half of them up kind of like the empire does but he's the correct family of inbred designer dogs so it's different a prolonged and painful fight against dwayne's masturbation arm ensues really highlighting this game's focus on spectacle at the expense of my sanity but eventually we scratch his arm into respecting us and he mcfucking kills everyone in a 90 mile radius uh hello [ __ ] i'm with the empire now and uh furthermore i'm still in your car get the [ __ ] inside or this volcano will turn your penis inside out you know it's very nice that arden gave us a lift up twice i wonder if we'll see more of him next on the list of gods to impress is gandalf who just kind of lives in the woods that we've already explored i think they ran out of time for this one because the only thing standing between us and him is one cave that we just walk through and maybe romance a snake or two oh man guys she's real cute i don't know what to say about a duval we've got his approval that took like 20 minutes this game is more rushed than a [ __ ] chinese high rise from this moment going forward the game has effectively destroyed all possible tension by having noctis be explicitly assisted by [ __ ] zeus final fantasy xv becomes a game about the gods being lazy how's this for a mechanic the god's help is summoned randomly all man noctis you fighting like 90 demons down there you can handle that good luck don't worry noctis i will be the one to save you from these three very threatening giraffes you can thank me later you know we've gotten pretty used to this game the vast open world the fruit truck incident or having a car we'll throw that [ __ ] in the trash this game turns from an open world adventure into a linear corridor halfway through although that's giving the open world a lot of credit i don't think i'm going to miss this guy from this point onward we are eternally trapped in the cut content zone the devs made a nearly perfect recreation of venice with no side quests in it look at the detail of this town the beautiful architecture the unique art i was there for 10 minutes once it's actually impressive that they're willing to waste this much time even the npcs in this town are just [ __ ] off the bartender for the only restaurant in the city talks like he wants to [ __ ] eat you uh what the [ __ ] do you mean eldritch abomination satoshi get back to the office right now and animate another 100 backflips so after owning god one and god nude it's up to noctis and the bactus to head to the imperial capital and retrieve our k-pop crystal that is until arden shows up and he derails the entire [ __ ] plot sup [ __ ] it turns out that arden isn't just with the empire he is the [ __ ] empire oh and also he can teleport is literally immortal has stabbed my wife and also is going to kill the [ __ ] sun all that we have to do to stop him is enter the city of pyongyang and endure his weaponless [ __ ] and ball torture dungeon this man has gone from helping us to literally trying to gasp me of course doing so to trap noctis in a pocket dimension for ten years and fight the sun that way he can kill the gods and the true king while he's a consenting adult if this all sounds confusing or stupid don't worry i don't have time to explain you're totally free to watch the five episode anime series animated episode art and prologue all four character dlc and the full kingsglaive final fantasy xv movie if you want the full context for what's happening that's a very ambitious of you square enix in fact they retroactively updated the game to contain scenes from the movie because it just didn't make enough sense now it's up to us to fight arden in the future this is of course the part where the developers realized they had too many bosses since this game was planned as well as the great leap forward so they make us fight like five in a row that is some pacing not to mention they're all very difficult one might say absolutely unplayable as it turns out valuing your own time by not playing the shitty fetch quests gives your experience vastly below what is expected we aren't even strong enough to fight the big snake i could go back and do some quests if i was [ __ ] stupid no we're going to do something much worse so what you're going to want to do is travel back in time to venice and endure the 5 minutes of gondola riding you cannot skip it we do this to head to the cannibal restaurant and dine on some photo realistic lasagna this step is non-negotiable next what you're going to want to do is time travel further in the past to nevada watch out for this guy he might try to steal the platinum [ __ ] go and initiate the quest where you're supposed to fight the huge [ __ ] blastoise for two hours you can try to summon god but he is powerless against the big turtle congratulations you've unleashed unstoppable death into this world and now it's up to you to destroy it this is the ring of the lucio you get it after visiting the two hour ball twisting dungeon and can be used to compress enemies out of existence for no discernible reason it works on the turtle instantaneously killing him via compression into a stellar object that is a lot of xp now xp is applied only when you sleep and can be enhanced by sleeping in a hotel which is multiplied by three if you eat lasagna it's time to travel back to the future into an alternate [ __ ] timeline where we've gone garfield and by editing the past in nevada we have altered the future congratulations you now have the xp equivalent of its three giant turtles the game is over why even play anymore all that's left is to strut back to the arden gauntlet and let the game play itself just take caution when time traveling that you do not get absorbed into the eternally falling hellscape now we can break through arden's big cocoon using the help of each god individually although they apparently can't just kill him because that would free me from this nightmare your wife's ghost also shows up and i'm gonna be honest i forgot that luna freya was in the game because she's a walking plot device the game has no autonomous women in it very based of you japan as for the ending of the game it's everything that the developers had left over big dog [ __ ] it he's in the game now break dancing man yeah do it just put him in the geometry hey doctors i need your help to retrieve 10 metal after i killed my wife i thought i was done with this and of course killing noctis's grandparents with a [ __ ] bazooka so by the time we've reached what is essentially the joker i can say with confidence that i am [ __ ] done it's very fitting that arden's only motivation as a villain is to personally screw with me until the final battle because that's exactly what the game has accomplished the game even says it out loud despite's all that's kept him going really you're gonna go with just spite killing arden is pretty much a formality at this point only made more expedient when god gets off his ass and actually helps me by ruining the final boss fight what a cool mechanic much like the rest of the game i don't know what's happening and yet i'm winning now as i watch noctis painfully throw his body onto the various today's subjects unconventional warfare tactics the game even feels the need to be so ridiculous and dramatic that noctis mcfucking kills himself so that he can double kill arden in the afterlife but really that's just part of the charm final fantasy xv realizes to some extent just how ridiculous it's being the fact that it doesn't care for even a second how much money it throws away how over the top the set pieces are or just how [ __ ] up the pacing is is kind of endearing the game has altered genres hour by hour it has both too much money and not enough money it's both an open world game and a string of set pieces and the combat is great or it's terrible one could say it depends on your outlook there's this moment near the end of the game where it asks you to reflect it's taken pictures of you throughout the game and i was going to choose the one that exemplified my playthrough i didn't think that it meant much until the final cut scene where noctis shows a picture of the massive turtle to his wife looking fondly back at all the broken experiences he went through and i burst out laughing for several minutes nothing will ever describe to you what the game is about more than that this product is not worth any of your money it will never be but holy [ __ ] maybe it was worth my time [Music] i would like to thank the illuminati for funding this channel with their reptilian dark money to prevent my starvation if you would like to contribute to the channel and ensure the reign of our lizard overlords you can head to my patreon to learn more thank you all for watching and waiting and of course you have nine days to live [Applause] [Music] you can run you can't [Music]

Channel: Max0r

Views: 2,206,280

Keywords: maxor, maxor ffxv, final fantasy xv, final fantasy 15, ff15 review, ffxv review

Id: kAQXPyxOrrU

Length: 16min 32sec (992 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 26 2021