Gay Son, Southern Baptist Dad: Live Q&A

hmm welcome to geeky Justin live some assembly required batteries not included I'm Justin Lee and with me is my dad who has no idea why I just started with a weird opening I do that it's a thing my dad went is here and we are live in person this is the first time that that we've done this usually I'm live with folks via Skype and Here I am at my dad's house and we're gonna have a conversation and excited hope is fun I am gonna mute the little thing that's beeping to let us know when we get comments that would have been a smart thing for me to do before we started yeah how you feeling about this I'm nervous I'm not a television store I don't play me but he'll be great I love my dad he's a great guy and so right away we're getting a ton of comments I'll try to pull these up so the setup that we have here the laptop is further away from me than I normally haven't set up so I have to reach to put up some of these comments I may just read some of them and not put them up on the screen which for those of you who are listening on the podcast it doesn't make a bit of difference for you but Shannon says yay Justin's dad Joanne says how wonderful you raised an amazing son such a kind soul blessings Amy was worried because we started a couple minutes late sorry Amy Cody says hi Jennifer says if I could pull it up hi Justin and Uncle wit hi Jennifer hi Jennifer some family watching Haskell says so thankful for good men like Whitt Nancy says love you Justin's dad you're getting a lot of love you'll get more love than I guess what it's not deserved it absolutely is Colin says excellent so looking forward to this session I recall greeting your dad at conference I think it was Portland Terry says please give whit my warmest greetings love you guys so anyway lots of oh yeah lots of comments and somebody asked a question right away so let's pull this one up this is from John John said when Jason I sure had that was a typo he meant Justin I've been called Jason my whole life you know when Justin told you he's gay what went through your head we're starting right off with so getting down nitty-gritty yeah so let's back up for a second you um you up in us in a Southern Baptist Church did you grew up Baptist yes did you grow up was it Southern Baptists over bed soda maps so you grew up Southern Baptists Eastern North Carolina and and so raised us you and mom raised us in a in a Southern Baptist Church a fairly you know modern very contemporary Southern Baptist Church not I'd say it was middle-of-the-road my father was a deacon my mother was in the choir well I mean the one that we came in but you think so the your the saying the one you grew up in was the middle of the road huh yes yeah okay now how do you define middle of the road yeah you know by what standard yeah in hindsight maybe it was pretty conservative yeah I get you I guess it depends on whether you're just looking at Southern Baptist churches are looking at yes Christianity yeah so the the church the Southern Baptist Church that I mostly grew up in that we attended when I was young was fairly contemporary fairly fairly modern Southern Baptist Church yes you were a deacon there yes so homosexuality was discussed as I recall there were not a lot of sermons on this in our church do you remember there being a lot of sermons on on it no as a matter of fact going back to my original Church I don't even remember homosexuality being talked about now it's just you know in my family we worked in the grocery store and we came back home and we worked in the crush but yeah everything else was out there so your dad at a grocery store yes you you learned the value of hard work when you were young age 12 up I could push the broom or you know put eggs in the cart whatever I have heard I have heard plenty of stories of you know working in your dad's store and not getting to do some of the things you wanted to do when you were when you were young my friends would go to the beach there I was working you know in the produce section that wasn't exciting to you when you were no so and Jennifer's mother who just spoke while she was out there helping us - oh yeah okay yeah yeah so so you homosexuality was not talked about you know church and then and it wasn't really talked about in the church when I was growing up but when it was talked about it was certainly you know everybody was clear that being gay was the sin and and that was something that I mean I I never really questioned it so you know to John's question I wrote in in my first book torn about everything that was going on with me when I was nervous to tell you and mom that I'd figured out that I was gay because I knew that our church frowned on that and I you know I didn't have any any gay affirming voices in my life and I didn't think that you all did and so I was really scared so I wrote it in the book about what that was like for my perspective what was that like from your perspective well you were very gracious in the way you told us you had the pastor assistant pastor call us and want us to come in and talk and we just assumed it had something to do with events at the church or finance quite whatever we you know so we went and and I had to sneak out of the house which you know if you've read my book I had to sneak out of the house to get to the church so even before you guys yeah oh yeah yeah and so he told us that there was something that that you would like to talk to us about and and we started talking and you know we were both very shocked but it never changed our love for you I mean this was not expected but yeah you were our miracle baby from day one because we were never supposed to having children and and you were it of course we had three others after that miracle kept be fruitful and multiply and that's what we did but anyway so we were surprised and but it never at all you know I I hear some people say that well my family rejected my pastors reject me uh no you were still our son and so now we had we had to learn a lot yeah because and we got right into learning yeah I mean it was it was tough it was tough for a while because you know I still had a lot of stuff that I had to work through you know a lot of harmful messages that I'd heard growing up that I had to stuff I had to unlearn as well stuff I had to learn and I know that was true for you too and we weren't always in the same place on everything because we're both figuring it out but I I want to reiterate what you just said you know to your credit you and mom made clear from the beginning that you loved me which is something I always tell parents even if you don't agree even if your theology is not in the same place as your child to let the child know from the beginning that your love for them is unconditional and not in a sense of like we love you but we love you and but just like we we love you I love you you're my child and then you can work through the rest of the stuff and there may be disagreements and there may be arguments and there may be times that you're frustrated with each other and that's part of being a family but but that love is so important love heard people say since in over the years my parents only loved me because I was the best student in the class and if I were not the best student in the class I wouldn't have their love oh where in the world are they coming from yeah and this is another case you know just what you just said I have to reiterate we loved you regardless now now you still wanted me to be the best student in the class oh absolutely and you were I mean computer genius thank you very much I have to I have to tell you all when whenever whenever I came home with bad grades mom and dad never they didn't they didn't like chastise me for the bad grades it was always like you know we just want you to do your best but we don't think this is your best I mean and it wasn't an unfair it what it wasn't I mean you were you never said that at a time when I really had tried my hardest it wasn't an unfair amount of of pressure but it was like it was like well no I mean if is this really your best work well I guess it's not but I look like God why couldn't you give me the brains that you gave Justin what why don't you give me my brains it ya know he's he likes to put himself down but but he's a very smart guy you know but he's very self-deprecating he's a humble man so there's a great passage I love by the way dead in where gosh what is it it's a it's in one of the first five books of the Old Testament I think it's like numbers or something which tradition has often held were written by Moses and there's this verse that says now Moses was a humble man more humble than anyone on the face of the earth and I love imagining Moses writing that I just think that's the best that's how more humble than anyone on the face of the earth but they could have said he was he stuttered more than anyone else on earth at the time - yeah okay John really likes your response I see you got right into learning love that response JD says that we have the same smile ah thank you all right so here's a question what advice would you offer other parents who have LGBTQ children that's I mean that's a that's a that's a big question that's a tough question do you have advice you would offer well I think yeah you've got to start with educating your parents because I said is that you you're saying this to the to the children to the yes yes you've got to start educating your parents and one of the best I didn't have this available when Justin came out to us but there's a book out there the name is torn that Justin wrote and and I have heard I've got friends and conservative seminaries and they have told me that it's now I must read for the seminary students it's that good now this is where Justin be very humble about it but it is that good that you can start with when he came out to us and I was struggling in high school trying to figure out who he was all the way up to almost to the present its if you get that your parents or other people in your family who are having issues to read it and understand it helps because number one let me be focusing on a few scriptures in the Bible that they are hung up on they may be hung up on the idea that this is something that you can change because there been a lot of well when Justin came out us there were a lot of very reverent people that would you that it could be changed if you want to change therapy yeah I certainly heard that a lot yep yep so let me give you one example here that I found interesting Justin at age three lost every hair every hair on his body you know it was called alopecia areata and that was the worst type of hair loss you could get not like male pattern baldness it's just happen to men and women or children so he lost all of his hair and we took him to one of the top teaching universities hospitals the head of dermatologist looked at me and said your son has a classic case of alopecia areata and it's caused by stress now at that time justin was three and a half I looked at the doctor and a doctor should know more than I because he's a doctor and I thought I don't believe a word you're saying so I you know I've had a lot of stress in my life but I'm not sure it started whenever it's three you know and so we started a medical foundation ended up the research we've funded found out that it was an autoimmune illness and so all of a sudden you looked at alopecia areata differently because it's your immune system that's attacking the hair follicles and kicking them out now if you have the mindset that homosexuality is a just something that you can you know do on your own and you don't understand that it is there and you just think if you think it's just a choice yeah that's right yeah help me with that so once you come to that realization it makes a lot easier a lot of parents they don't have that information so they're dealing with a bad set of cards mm-hmm you got to help them with that and again that book is a wonderful way to educate people I've been told by some of the seminaries that this is the best book out there to help people understand what you go through and and and and what it's all about I mean I did not ask him to do a promotion for my book but I just believe when I'm sitting proud dad's you know so you actually got some comments here on the book I'll see if I can pull a few of them up whoops as soon as I tried to click on something they all move Beth says I'm very thankful for torn Adrienne says I wish more people were willing to read it it was a huge key in a life changing path for me Lillian says it was the first first book that changed my heart and I'm forever grateful to you Justin and dad so you know I and III appreciate that because Dad I mean you were such an instrumental part of my being where I am I mean not just in terms of like you know bringing me into the world obviously but like so much of what's in the book and has guided my ministry I learned from you in terms of the importance of integrity the importance of speaking out of being being gracious to people but like being being gracious in a way that like that you're you're working for what's right for what's just not not just accepting what people say because they say it like you know you know the story you're just telling about my alopecia I mean dad worked really hard to ways ways ways of rareness raise awareness of of alopecia to to raise funds for research to to change the conversation around alopecia because he realized that what the doctors were saying was not the whole story and you know and you knew that if you didn't do it if you didn't do something to change that then you know well truth be known and I felt like if I didn't do all I could do and later as a grown man you came to me I said dad you could have helped me find a cure for alopecia areata and you didn't do it I would have felt terrible about myself so you know for many years I did all I could to find the cure now I like you just the way you are well you know I was gonna say it's funny listening to you say that because it was the unexpected ending of that story is that there still isn't a cure for an allegation I mean there are various treatments that exist we have a lot more knowledge about it now than we did but but ultimately for me the journey ended in being able to accept myself the way that I am and being being happy yeah I'm perfectly content with my alopecia and I don't do anything to try to change it because I'm happy with it the way that it is so it's a fun little parallel there but but I'm glad that you did the work that you did because it you know to think that people were being told that you know you're there's something wrong in your child's life there's stress going on when they're what isn't stressed to me it's like when we would go to those ex-gay conferences back in the early days when I'd first come out or we were thinking maybe there was something that could fix my being gay as if it were something wrong with me we would hear over and over that it's the parents fault it's you know if fathers would just be closer to their it was the father's fault right most of the time what did I be wrong in you know how did how did you feel going to that stuff and hearing did you believe it no I didn't believe it either because you and I had a very close relationship we did I mean we went we went to doctors all over the country trying to find a cure for alopecia assuming that the first doctor knew what he was talking about when he didn't yeah well you're not bonded and and I will have to say once one story when when you were in preschool you had the most wonderful teacher and we've taken you over to a major hospital and they were trying something different they were putting a certain salv all over your head and you're gonna come back with a shower cap on uh-huh and you're gonna look different than the kids uh-huh and your teacher told your which I have to say how cool is that right doesn't every kid want to go to school with like a shower cap on and so yeh so so we we we brought you back and the teacher had before you got back she had told the class that Justin as you know has been losing his hair so he's gone to a doctor to see what can be done and he'll have a shower cap on when he gets back so what can we do to make Justin feel good about himself when he comes back well they did posters welcome back Justin and you got back and and it was Justin's day so the teacher was so smart and and you know even even later in junior high school we said something to you about we know that you're called egghead and cue-ball enough and and you responded hey I like it this way it is because people know who I am well you know one of the things it's funny because I don't remember specifically that moment that you're talking about with that teacher it's it's funny the things you do and don't remember from your childhood I don't remember that I do remember the shower cap I don't remember that particular moment with that teacher but what I do remember very very clearly is all the times that you and Mom but I specifically remember this from you sat me down and said look you know you said everybody's got problems everybody's got things that make them different and aren't you lucky that the worst thing you've got going on in your life is that you've lost your hair isn't that wonderful isn't that so much better than if some people lose their hair because they're in treatment for cancer you know and they feel awful and how wonderful is it that the worst thing is that you've got is you just lost your hair and and there are some benefits you don't have to spend time washing it and blow it dry and styling it you don't have to worry and and that truly has stayed with me my whole life that has been my outlook because of you and that's one of the reasons that later in life I was able to just say and this is and let me just say for anybody out there with alopecia this is much easier when you're male than female in our society but you know I was like yeah you know what this is just who I am this is this is fine I'm not worried about it we have within the grocery store I remember we would have a couple times ladies come up and whisper in our ears I'm so sorry your son has cancer and I hope he gets long alright and we would turn on smile religiously he just lost his hair that's all yeah yeah just that um okay we're my goodness we're getting so many comments here and let's let me see let me see if I can find some of them here oh boy oh boy okay oh dear I just I'm wonderful all of these out and and I don't really have time let's see so uh Dan has a story this is the question but I just appreciate that this story exists Dan says I lucked out and randomly met Justin in an airport he graciously gave me a copy Oh talking about my book he had with him before it was even out probably one of the biggest life-altering moments I've experienced oh well that's sweet of you to say that was one of the biggest I don't believe it was one of the biggest life-altering moments but thank you for that this is true this is a guy a really nice guy that I met like randomly in the airport he's like wait a second I know who you are and I happen to have a pre-release copy of torn with me and yeah people talking about in my book Oh Donnie says if I can only get my parents to read torn they're afraid to read it afraid of Satan using it as a tool to deceive them you know I get this sometimes people are afraid and and the thing is I I'm a strong believer that if if you believe that God exists and that the holy spirit has power and you are in prayer I don't think that you need to be afraid of exposing yourself to different ideas because I believe that the truth wins out if you truly openly and honestly look at you know different viewpoints on an issue on a question or whatever and you pray about it you I think the truth wins out and and so I think when people are afraid to expose themselves to other views often it's because deep down they're afraid that maybe they're wrong and they don't want to be wrong you know I have to echo I think prayer when your mother was so sick I was my prayer life was better than it has ever been and I think it's important that we we do pray before we you know take it to our parents I agree with that I I'm just trying to keep track of all these all these comments okay so my friend JD who I know in real life responded to your saying egghead and cue ball and he says I got to write these down they're gold I don't actually remember anybody saying a cue ball I think I do remember I don't actually remember saying anybody saying adding an egg yet I think dad just made that up and it just gave people more insults for me so thanks for that man but you know it's interesting it people I hope people can see actually though when those ex gay folks would would claim that I must have a terrible relationship with you or else I wouldn't be gay and that if I had a good relationship with you I would be straight and I said that's not true I have a good relationship with my dad and it was like no that can't possibly be the case you know you need to keep digging deeper until you find that you have a bad with your dad and it's like you know I mean I I don't know what to say to that other than like here we are and we have a good relationship and I mean every everybody has at times had disagreements with people in their family I mean there certainly times that we have disagreed on things but like as a general rule like I've always felt like we were close yeah yeah you know so let's see okay this is from Terry think it's a long question this is a bit of a heavy question we've known each other a long time we've been formed by many of the same circles what helped you to say to religious leaders that they need to think differently about homosexuality and have you experienced a rejection from your change view and have you dealt with that rejection you know I haven't ever asked you that dad have you your view has changed over the years as mine has you know both of us grew up believing this is a choice and it's a sin and then we had to learn and and our perspectives changed have you had negative feedback from people for not for being too accepting of me no not not I've had people that when I would say I've changed my thought about whether homosexuality would then try to quote scripture to me and these were people I can't say close friends close friends no I have but people who I knew and you know they would try to quote the scripture they were as far off base as they could be and I could just say well hey you have your right to feel like you do I just have come to conclusion there have been too much evidence that I've seen that for me to say is a choice so if I would lose a friend because of that that person wasn't friend in the first was oh that's good I like that Heather says your dad is beyond adorable I love listening to him well sorry Heather he's taken so you know actually let me let me save it there so a lot of my friends know that we went through a lot of pain a few years ago when mom passed away she had been sick for a lot of years and it was horrible she was a wonderful woman I I loved her dearly I know you loved her dearly she had a brain disease and it was progressive and it was really just awful at the end I know that was just devastating for me to lose mom I I know that it it must have been devastating for you it's now years later you have remarried a wonderful woman who I also loved dearly I think she's she's just an incredible person um how are you doing now you know there's so many wonderful things happening right now because when your mom was sick there was seven and a half years I didn't do anything but work come home and take care of her you know had caregivers all during the day since I remarried a couple of years ago I've taken some trips she is very excited about what you're doing we listen to you preach a sermon yesterday and and and thought you just a wonderful job she is so supportive her backgrounds Episcopalian and she has never had an issue with a subject we're talking about yeah just had an issue with it and so I'm doing great and and I feel like even the fact that you invited me to be on your program tonight and that's a real compliment I appreciate it up I hope you don't have a lot of tomatoes thrown at you later when they see I didn't do you service no you're you're you're you're wonderful so yeah and and and I'm gonna have to hire you as a as my like publicity manager something to let people know what a wonderful sermon I preached I've heard so many nice things over the last 24 hours which I appreciate all right so I think there were other questions that I missed and they've kept they've scrolled on past so I apologize to those of you who asked good questions and and I'll keep watching but let me let me ask you one of my questions let's see so well okay so how much so well actually I'm gonna ask you a silly question first because we have JD earlier who said now he's gonna use your insults against me thanks again for that dad JD likes to ask all of our guests on the show the same question so I'll just ask it before he gets a chance about about pizza toppings now you don't you don't have a whole lot of pizza I don't think I don't think you're a huge pizza eater the way that I am I won't rope him in the name I like but there's a pizza I like and I like to have everything on it okay how do you feel this is the question how do you feel about pineapple on pizza are you propyne your aunt I'm so I mentioned earlier family members sometimes disagree hear it dad for those of you listening on the podcast dad just gave a big thumbs down you know to pineapple on pizza and I give a thumbs up so this is a Siskel and Ebert review of pineapple on pizza I say thumbs up and he says thumbs down so that's one thumb up alright you've been asked but plenty of sausage in hamburger and pepperoni and I'm fine so during the whole period of you know my coming out and wrestling with all this in the Southern Baptist Church you know and this is still such an issue meaning Southern Baptists haven't moved much on this the United Methodist Church it looks like it may be on the verge of a split over this I mean these are still tough questions and you were for many years a deacon in this church well recognized as that what would you what what what were the biggest challenges for you as you were wrestling with all this trying to figure out what you believed and you knew what I was going through but then you're still serving as a deacon in this church where people are maybe increasingly you know talking about this in a negative light but what was that like were there things that were hard you know I was lucky because I had you to educate me now a lot of people your new book is a great book I'll have to give a commercial you know I'm just gonna put this video and audio up for you know we have women in advertisement we all descended every politician out there they need to they need a copy but but the point is I was listening to what you were saying and and listen to what you were saying I was being educated about what the Scriptures were really saying and what what part of the Bible did I want to compare this with and so I mean just you would just you just give me the education I needed when you went off to college one of the things that impressed me was your first year and a half you spent in the archives or in the library studying Greek and Hebrew trying to learn all you could about what the scriptures were saying and I thought that was I was impressed that you came back and shared a lot of that with me so I had the advantage that most fathers don't have that I had a son who was educating me now but if it's superficial and the father goes back to church and he's got a preacher who every so often you know starts saying you know well you can go to hell if you believe this way or that way and so tell the people how they have to believe and they never really get into the scripture and study the way they should that's sort of a heart breaker yeah and but I didn't have to do that cuz you educated me does that help a little bit all that this guy how nice is that thank you okay so Rob says in response to my comment about the churches that are still wrestling with this Rob says charismatic Pentecostal churches haven't become open yet either and they you know and those aren't the only ones - I mean but you're absolutely right there are a number of churches a number of denominations and you know in the US and around the world I mean this is this continues to be a struggle and and I'm just talking about gay folks and then you've got a whole nother conversation about bisexual folks about transgender folks about folks who identify in other places on the LGBTQ ia plus spectrum they're all these conversations happening and for a lot of folks this is this is a lot I mean this is a lot a lot to deal with I was just thinking I was just talking to one of my friends this week about how society has changed so much I won't say how old you are but thank you in your lifetime in your lifetime Society has changed a lot see if my I don't know why it's doing this anyway my camera is like blurring like trying to focus and refocus on us and I thought I had that setting turned off oh well sorry guys lack of professionalism on my part but society's changed a lot in your time in terms of how we I mean not just LGBTQ stuff but like you know I mean how we talk about race in society how we talk about gender and gender roles in society when you were grown the expectations for what it looked like to be a man and get married or what it looked like to be a woman and get married we're very different and some of the the ideas have changed in you know in all of these things and so I just think about how many people are wrestling with like the world just changing around them so it feels like nothing that they grew up with nothing that they know is true and how disorienting that must be well think about when I grew up the role of women in churches hmm basically subordinate roles now can you imagine Christ being here with us today in person and say I don't want so-and-so to be in a role she's a great teacher she's a great she capacitor Church but I'm not going like no or can you imagine Christ trying to close the door of the church door to anybody mm-hmm yeah the church is supposed to be a hospital for sinners as I understood it not closing the door so if you're not exactly what we want you can't come to our church I don't get it mm-hmm and so there's we need to sort of think through forget about just try to get simple like I'm I can think very simple what would Christ won't yeah I think that answers the question yeah yeah well that's what I mean i i i i think so much about even just when i was a kid going to this I mean the Southern Baptist Church I want to be careful here because there are a lot of things I still love about the church I grew up in and I don't want to just badmouth the Southern Baptist Church because I actually think there's some wonderful things about the Southern Baptist Church but there are some things about the Southern Baptists there are reasons I don't identify Southern Baptists anymore that have to do with some of the ways in which I feel like the Southern Baptist churches has gotten it wrong and not just on LGBTQ stuff but but on things like the role of women in the church well but you know what I take it a little bit different I can't blame any denomination because like friends that I grew up with that once they started understanding even leaders even pastors in churches when they started really understanding usually is because of a personal situation in their family when someone came out to them that sort of changed the dynamic of where they were and so I can't say it's a denominational type thing at all because there are you know I've got a lot of friends in many Donna denominations that have changed tremendously over the years sometimes it took God kind of putting situation in their family that they had to oh yeah well that's yeah now I understand it it's one of the reasons I tell people that Bible arguments don't change minds very often it's much more personal stories and people that you know and they'll be in relationship with those people which is tough if you're like an LGBTQ person or or close ally of an LGBTQ person and you know people who are hostile to that conversation or are difficult to talk to about that you know a lot of times people say gosh it's it's just so emotionally stressful to try to continue to maintain a relationship with this person when they say these things that are hurtful to me and I do think on some level you've got to be able to make a decision about is this a helpful relationship for me to still be in and yet I do think that those relationships are so powerful in changing people's minds it doesn't happen like that but it does happen so there are more questions here here's a question if I could pull it up what enabled you to listen to Justin when he came out my parents refused to listen or contemplate that my view has any merit partly their fear I'm wrong partly they would lose their church but they just say I'm wrong and that's the end of the matter so what do you think why do you think that you were able to listen to me and it's so hard for some parents to listen to their kids again I think I was lucky that you were so you articulated your where you were so well and I do think what you just said about losing the church I think a lot of people feel that the church is so important and it should be important in their lives that if they have NT any if they say anything that's contrary to what has been taught they would be ostracized and they do not want to be ostracized so it's a toughy I just know that I was lucky that I had you two to help me understand what what the Scriptures really were saying and and what this was all about rather than a pastor or a deacon or elder or whatever telling me what I should believe I don't want someone telling me what I should believe I don't want to be able to go and figure that out for myself well I think oh go ahead no you go ahead well I was gonna say I think that last part that you said is an important piece of the puzzle too though because I think you know I know some folks who are every bit as committed as I was to educating their parents and trying to help them through this stuff but but their parents are resistant to hearing it and I think it's it's to your credit that you were willing to continue the conversation and you know and it didn't happen all at once I mean it was it was a it was a process for you it was a process for me it was a process for other people I've known but but I think that one of the big keys was that we continue to stay in relationship with each other and over time like you were talking about how you saw the evidence that this wasn't a choice well part of that evidence I assume was just knowing me and continuing to stay in my life as I was working through all this stuff and bit by bit by bit seeing the things that were different from what you would heard growing up and saying this is something I need to pay attention to Wow well I always felt that I mentioned this the very beginning that you were a miracle baby and people needed to maybe hear that that we were told for years that we'd never have any children and my father had a vision at one point he was not a man he was a very he was a working man and not one that had his religion on his shoulder but he went and told him that we were expecting but probably wouldn't happen we've been told she wouldn't keep a baby he said it'd be he'll be born my 70th birthday now you were born in 70th birthday to us it was like you were being prepared to be you were special and so I've always felt that you know you were special and I know you helped me understand you've helped a lot of people understand but a lot of parents are not that lucky to have that and I don't know how to to get them to understand that don't several with your relationship with your child please don't sever that relationship you know anyway yeah yeah I mean yeah oh boy okay so we got like 10 minutes left and and so many so many comments coming in let me ask you this let me let me ask you this because I know people are gonna want to know do you do you have any embarrassing stories about me as a kid that are not so embarrassing but you can't share them over here or that I don't know how many of you ever listened to Peter Paul and Mary but I don't know where this was going Peter Paul and Mary had some great songs but Paul wrote a song standing in the outfield watching the flowers grow you know I had taken you to I believe it's Salvation Army little league softball and you and a friend of yours but both m'as lanky and and you know who I'm talking about and and and and and and I think one of you all might have been in the right I think you were in the right field maybe he was in the center field and the softball will be coming your way and both you all be looking at the ground watching the grass grow flowers grow and every time I heard Peter Paul and Mary sing that song I thought about their you were out in the outfield watching the flowers grow this is true I was not a sports kid at all and you know and and and you all were a very good about encouraging me to try new things even if I didn't want to but but you never made me do something on an ongoing basis if I really hated it you just wanted me to experience it and then you know but if I really hated doing something you didn't make me keep doing it which is a good thing because I didn't like I didn't like baseball or softball or t-ball I didn't like basketball I liked soccer okay for a little bit but I was terrible at it I I didn't like I mean really any of the sports I did I was on the swim team for a little bit I you know I would get the participant ribbons I remember but but growing up one of your heroes with Steve Jobs yeah well yeah I mean it probably was kind of a terrible person but I I admire a lot of things about his intellect is you admired his intellect and the fact that he created he was creating something that had not really been done before and I think you actually empathize with him when he was fired from Apple but many times we talked about Steve Jobs and what he did and and you were winning all kinds of computer competitions in high school and and I thought yeah I just loved it when you could tell me cuz I was so technologically what's the word I'm looking for incompetent no word I wouldn't say that something like that but and I bet your friends could have a better word challenge challenge that's it I was technologically challenged but you were coming up with all these ideas about what could be done on the computer and you know Madeo visual information was so exciting to you but it was interesting our relationship was so broad and so many things no you weren't the athlete but I wasn't the athlete either if there was a softball game in junior high a softball team I was using number either the last of the next last to be chosen and that was fun it was a big deal to me but so anyway I empathize with you on that too we used to go to dad would take me to two games are you and you enjoyed your George watching oh I love college fours which in North Carolina college sports are huge and so you would take me to some college basketball in football games and I liked to watch the scoreboard because they had a computerized scoreboard that would put images up on the screen sometimes then that was my favorite part I did not care about the games but I enjoy the time with my dad so you know I was always a little a little different from some of the other guys but that's okay so uh I will tell you one story since my dad is here that I do know and I don't know if you remember this but mom used to tell this story and and since she's you know not here anymore to tell it I will tell you one embarrassing story about me and I will probably regret this tomorrow but since dad's here it just feels appropriate apparently I went to some family for a family friend's house and they had a laserdisc player at a time that I that was a thing and they had a laserdisc of Jesus Christ Superstar do you know this story do you know what the story is only they had a laserdisc of Jesus Christ Superstar now I did not have any context because I was very little I did not have any context for this movie which is a movie of a musical weirdly loosely based on Jesus and then I don't know not super scripturally accurate so uh I didn't really understand what was happening in this movie and I have this memory of watching this but I don't remember what came next but I have heard the story many times apparently after I got home I was in the other room and mom heard a crash and rushed in to find out what was going on and I had turned over all the chairs in the dining room because I was playing Jesus and I saw the in the movie where Jesus turned over the tables in the to the temple and so I guess I thought that was what you were supposed to do and I was pretending to be Jesus which feels really sacrilegious to say but apparently that's how my little mind worked all right so I turned over all the dining room furniture actually I do remember that now that I told the seller yes yeah so there you go embarrassing I mean the multi-faceted Justin does you love to listen to Rita Coolidge and we had a stereo record player that that you'd put on that have us put on the particular Rita Coolidge record and you would walk around fast fast walking around the record player would listen to Rita Coolidge so it was multi you know you weren't a one-dimensional person there's no but I I still to this day pace and walk circles when I'm on the phone and I guess that started when I was listening to music on vinyl you know like the cool kids do yeah I remember that so we were about out of time we got like two or three more minutes any last words anything that you want to share we've had some fun stuff but also some serious stuff you know I just I know based on gone having gone to some of the conference's that Justin put together over the years many people came up to me and talked about the relationship with her family I wish I had the magic answer to tell you how to sit down with them and let them know before they try to make you feel unwanted that you're wrong I wish I had the answer I don't but I do think if somehow you can let them read the book get the understanding of what Justin went through that would help in many cases if you can give the book to a friend of their who's much more understanding and then if they could give the book that might also help I like this sneaky approach I haven't heard this one before well actually I've given books to people who did it that way so yeah but I wish I had the answer and I don't I just regret that that families are broken apart when they shouldn't be because each of us are special each are special and God has a plan for all of us I'm convinced to that so I just hope you don't let it if your parents or pastor whoever rejects you I hope you don't let it get it get you down knowing that the only real person that matters is God and He loves us anyway of who we are what we are amen to that and I will just add since dad has done such a great job of promoting my books on this show if you missed the episode that I did a few weeks ago with the McDonald's and their book excuse me their book is what I get for for drinking soda instead of my tea while we do a show their book embracing the journey is a great book for parents especially for like more conservative Christian parents who are wrestling with all of this stuff it's a brand new book so it wasn't around when dad was going through all this stuff but but I recommend it to any of you who are parents or who are wrestling with this with your parents embracing the journey by Greg and Linda McDonald in addition to those those books that dad was talking about by you know whoever that was how are you feeling about all this now well I'm reading some of these comments and thanks to all of you for letting me come on the show today and not doing it thumbs down at least yeah well thank you Dad let me say thanks again to my patreon patrons who make possible for me to do all of this and especially to my gold star patrons that is Liz Tom Christopher Carol Bruce John Larry and Terry and to all of you for watching and listening and supporting these conversations so have a wonderful week thank you Dad for being here thank you everybody have a wonderful week be excellent to each other and don't forget the nuanced goodnight hmm

Channel: GeekyJustin

Views: 5,300

Rating: 4.8709679 out of 5

Keywords: GeekyJustin, Dad, Son, gay, Christian, Southern Baptist, LGBT, LGBTQ, evangelical, parents, children

Id: tlF-StRBBdo

Length: 58min 16sec (3496 seconds)

Published: Wed May 15 2019