Future Wife Left Me At The Altar & CUT Contact But Years Later She Finds Me & Begs I Let Her Explain

people what was the biggest relationship red flag i was never given an explanation she just left and told nobody it was literally right before a big wedding ceremony she didn't leave a note nothing just left even her family were left baffled she just up and left we had dated all through high school and all through college she eventually returned but not to me i had to learn via third party her parents she had no intentions of coming home she wanted nothing to do with me and told her parents to avoid having me around i never got a choice in the matter i respected her wishes i never understood why she did it my only guess was she had a mental breakdown because she cut off contact with everyone we were both young and still growing i don't know but i've struggled with it since out of the blue she dm's me on facebook after all these years and wants to meet up i'm an influx of emotions right now angry nervous hopeful sad i still have feelings for her i don't know if i could take her back but looking at her facebook makes me kind of miss her she's even better looking than she was before and single i'm conflicted she won't talk about anything as to why she left she said it's best to do so in person the only thing i can tell is from her facebook is a bunch of stuff about being weak and living a life full of shame and regret and being lonely this is dumb she ghosted me and i should want nothing to do with her but i still have feelings for her i never stopped thinking about her we met at a cafe and sat and talked outside the first thing i noticed was how badly scarred her arms were and how much pain was in her face long story short she wanted to break up long before the wedding she was too weak and cowardly to speak up for herself she had a complete nervous breakdown over everything she had been tired of being forced into doing things she never wanted to do and never having the guts to stand up for herself she was mad at her family pressuring her to get married and pump out kids she was mad at them forcing her into a degree that she didn't want she was mad at herself for not being able to speak up nothing she did was justified which we agreed on when i first proposed to her i did it in a public area i had put her on the spot and she wanted to say no but she couldn't bear to see me hurt she was right i made all of the choices for her i was a very different person back then and she was very meek as in she just went with the flow and had no backbone i drowned her voice out often and often never gave her the chance to grow to be a person back then i was often focused only on myself well everything came to a climax and she had a complete mental breakdown she ran away from her problems at the behest of her best friend and only person in the world she ever trusted as she said it's the only thing she knows how to do run she never had the spine to speak up her life just spiraled downwards she did a few years homeless after her best friend's husband kicked her to the curb the rest of that time was spent in prison which she didn't specify what she did she was released about a year ago and has been turning her life around she has a job she's reconnected with her parents and she's finally reconnecting with me she never stopped trying to get in touch with me as for our future we have none we both agreed to end things and go our separate ways we both are changed two different people we have nothing in common and don't live near each other she doesn't justify what she did nor does she want to be forgiven she thinks it's repulsive and is ashamed of her actions i wanted to be angry but i couldn't i just forgave her with that we shook hands said our goodbyes and that will likely be the last time we ever see one another it's bittersweet i got the closure i wanted we both did it feels like a burden was released i know now we never had a future together and never will but on the other i'm sad because it's over all these years maybe hoping something would happen were for naught but in the end this is an ending and i finally have closure not many get to say that do i believe her story yes i do and even if she's full of crap at this point does it even matter i've always known her to be very weak weak-willed meek she often just does what everyone tells her to do and often runs when things get too difficult she avoids her problems because she was too weak to stand up to them i mean it makes sense why her family would not talk to me about her they were the typical tiger parents that disowned their problem child disclosure not my story my friend was the deserving recipient of this petty revenge my friend let's call him dave had a february vacation planned to some place warm and with a sandy beach a lovely mid-winter escape from gray new york city dave also had two high-maintenance cats and had previously had his apartment burglarized so he wanted someone to pop in a couple of times and make sure everything was okay dave also had a recent ex-girlfriend recent as in he dumped her two weeks before going on his vacation but they decided to be friends and you can ask a friend to check in on your apartment and cats while you are off in the tropics right right dave so dave asked sarah not her real name and she kindly said yes dave went off on his vacation had some fun and returned rested and with a tan the morning after dave returned home dave went to get dressed but found he had no clean underwear odd thought dave i did laundry before the trip and didn't pack all of my boxers he turned his apartment upside down searching while hunting for his underwear he discovered his large mixing bowl was also missing he finally called sarah sarah did you um did you steal my boxers no dave i would never do something like that what kind of idiot do you think i am ultimately sarah suggested dave check his freezer there in the freezer was dave's large mixing bowl filled with a block of ice and underwear i learned of this story a good five years after it happened one time at dave's house i decided to play a cd only the cd in the case was not the right one apparently sarah had also mixed up his cds to illustrate how mixed up she felt when he asked her for a favor after dumping her and the frozen boxers that was to put his balls on ice my girlfriend and i have been together for seven plus years have long talked about marriage and talked even more about future kids she quit her job a couple of years back to pursue a medical degree last week i discovered she had cheated on me with an ex-boyfriend from high school i needed to use her phone to call mine and when i unlocked her phone it was open on a whatsapp conversation between them i have nothing against the guy personally but he's going nowhere in life and i don't understand why she'd want to be with him anyway rather than sadness heartbreak this actually just made me angry angry that i've put so much into this relationship and woman that i thought would be the mother of my future children angry that i've been supporting her through college including rent food tuition just angry so i arrange a locksmith to change the locks the next day edit with landlord's permission while she's still at class pack up as much of her stuff as i can find and leave it outside text her of what i've done and say if she wants to get anything else i've missed to have her brother come and get it i don't want to see or speak to her ever again anyway since i did this both my parents and hers have been relentlessly calling me they say that what she did is wrong but it's no reason to throw away seven plus years and that if i kick her out she will be forced to drop out and waste years of education edit two the lease is also only in my name and she's never paid a dime of rent in the entire time she's been living here update i was not expecting to post an update so soon but i was hit with a bombshell this afternoon over the weekend both of our parents had tried to come and talk to me however i had simply ignored the knocks on the door and eventually they left however of course they know i can't avoid work so they wait outside my house this afternoon to ambush me as i get home from work with them is my girlfriend they insist i talk to my girlfriend and i eventually relent and our parents leave once inside she starts apologizing and begging for forgiveness saying that our relationship is the best thing that ever happened to her she will never forgive herself basically everything that you'd expect a cheater to say and then she gives me the most ridiculous excuse i've ever heard she says that a few weeks ago she found out she was pregnant she started having conflicting feelings on if she was ready to settle down and start a family so she reached out to her ex for support this emotional support quickly turned physical this makes no sense we have always talked about having kids excitedly she takes out two pregnancy tests showing positive results she also takes out an unused one and says she can take it now if i don't believe her so she takes it and sure enough she's pregnant she says it's 100 mine and she didn't cheat on me until after she got pregnant i asked to see her phone she reluctantly hands it over and sure enough she's been texting him non-stop since i threw her out i tell her i need time to process this and ask her to wait outside once outside i lock the doors unblock her on whatsapp and send her a really long text i'm reciting this by memory so i don't have to open whatsapp and see her reply whether you end up having this baby is entirely up to you but you should know the following first if the child is mine i will be a good father and take care of it but you will never be anything more than the mother of my child we will never get back together the moment you cheated on me our relationship was over for good secondly i will not interact with you at all until the child is born don't reach out to me until then i want nothing to do with you finally i will not have any role in this kid's life nor will i sign any birth certificate until i get a paternity test this child could have been the greatest blessing to our relationship and future instead you turned them into an excuse to cheat i will never forgive you for that i have not read her reply and don't intend to tonight i also won't post any updates after this i get the impression that the kid is probably mine so i'm basically anchored to her for the rest of my life now we've had this house now for eight weeks and i haven't stepped foot upstairs once since we signed the papers it's all very very confusing so some backstory me and we'll call her kelsey have been together for four years now met my freshman year of college her sophomore we have an extremely close and open relationship and i tell her everything about my life and what's on my mind usually i feel the same from her but for a lack of a better explanation there are like trigger topics that kelsey has always had that just shut her up to any conversation or openness and just make her act completely weird and disjointed sometimes even defensive or aggressive this is usually not a problem because it's typically stuff that doesn't really matter that much but going upstairs in our home has become one of these topics and i have no idea why or what's going on up there i'm starting to smell a smell coming from upstairs too but i'm not sure if i'm just imagining it because it's barely noticeable when we got the place on day one she cutely declared the upstairs is mine and we laughed about it i tried to go up there and she kept getting in my way jokingly reminding her that she already claimed it eventually i was done with her nasty talking so i said alright the upstairs is yours and quit for the day a day or two later i asked her what we were going to do with the rooms upstairs that window faces mostly roof and she said that it's none of my business so obviously i pushed a little farther and she said we're done with this conversation she went upstairs and by that point i was like uncomfortable following her up there not having zero idea what was going on it's been nearly two months now and i still haven't been back up there since we first visited the place she takes big amazon packages up there and never brings anything down with quarantine she's been spending sometimes half the day up there or more and i honestly have no idea what happens in any of those rooms my plan was to sneak into them after quarantine is over but i'm like 95 sure she has cameras up there because she accidentally bought them with our shared amazon and not her individual amazon which i'm assuming she has because whatever big packages she's ordering aren't on our joint one i could tell she didn't mean to use our joint account because when i asked why she bought them she seemed to be in shock and got all rigid telling me they were for her mother i feel like there should be openness in a marriage and this whole thing is really freaking me out the few times kelsey has been calm about the topic she's told me that i'm overreacting and that she's trying to do me a favor because whatever's up there would be really upsetting to me anyway but i keep telling her i don't mind because i'd rather know what it is and be upset because i'm already upset with the current situation which is hardly addressed anymore i feel like if i don't take this problem head-on now the upstairs will just be hers forever and i'll always be left to wonder which i am not okay with my partner and i got engaged several months ago when we just started dating in our early 20s we referred to each other as boyfriends now that we're over 30 we mostly switch to partners we do still occasionally refer to each other's boyfriends but despite being engaged we have never called each other fiance for some reason people from both his and my family as well as some friends go insane anytime they hear us use anything that isn't people have given us all sorts of reasons for why this is wrong it's lying because we aren't just boyfriends we're fiances and that's a higher level it's diminishing the importance of our engagement it's diminishing the importance of marriage we're diminishing and disrespecting each other we have even been told by one person she doesn't view our engagement as serious because we refuse to use the term fiance and she jokingly suggested that once we send out the invitations she won't rsvp is attending until she hears us use the correct word boy is she going to be surprised when she finds out we'll be inviting 23 people none of which are her the more people demand of us to use the word fiance the less we want to do it it's gotten so annoying that we decided we'll go down a notch and start calling each other friend or lower my friend my dear colleague buddy roommate and so on finally the straw that broke the camel's back was friends with benefits we were having lunch with our family at our place i was telling a story about how i recently met someone who knows my partner and when we realized we both knew him i told her he's my partner then my sister-in-law and mother-in-law made that annoyed sound and my sister said he is not your partner to which i said oh yes sorry my long-term friend with benefits our mothers and sisters were appalled i don't know what they thought that we were saving ourselves for marriage for 11 years my brother had a problem with me using that expression in front of his two and a half year old son who can't even pronounce my name yet let alone something like friends with benefits and the only person who enjoyed the joke was my father who snorted with laughter and made my mom even angrier all the women in our family have reached the consensus that we're idiots who are purposely trying to hurt them by making such nasty jokes and that it was high time to act like adults several weeks ago i matched with a guy on tinder he didn't have a photo of his face but said in his bio that it was because he was a teacher and didn't want to risk matching with his students or their parents that made total sense i've seen it happen before we messaged each other and he sent me his snapchat username so we could exchange photos on there we exchanged countless photos and messages over the course of the next week i was out of town on a business trip so we made plans to meet up once i returned we decided to meet at my house since he claimed to have a roommate and i live alone fast forward to me returning to town he came over and we slept i enjoyed myself and he seemed to as well we made plans to meet up again however the following morning i woke up and he had unmatched with me on tinder and deleted me on snapchat i was surprised and honestly a little offended let me start this by saying that usually i'm pretty chill if he had simply said something like i don't think we're compatible and don't want to meet up again i would have been fine with it however we had made plans to meet again so i was left wanting an explanation and some closure i didn't know his last name but he told me just enough about his job that i was able to find him on his school staff directory at first i didn't think it was him because the first names were different however i cross-referenced the names on facebook and found his profile his profile photo showed him with a woman i found the woman's profile and discovered that she is actually his wife and is seven months pregnant i also found their target baby registry i was incredibly surprised in retrospect his shady behavior no profile photo on tinder only using snapchat to communicate immediately deleting all of the evidence after we hooked up made a lot of sense to be honest i'm not really upset what we did was purely physical and i'm not emotionally attached to him in any way i think he's an idiot for stepping out on his wife but no true harm was done to me so i don't feel the need to get revenge however several of my friends have told me that i have an obligation to inform his wife of her husband's cheating based on how well he covered his tracks i'm sure he has done this before i do not want the drama in my experience people often blame the bearer of bad news and i did nothing wrong in addition because he unmatched me on tinder and deleted me on snapchat i only have a few messages from him as proof of his infidelity i'm not even sure if his wife would believe me at this point my question to you guys is would i be the idiot for not reaching out to his wife and telling her of his cheating i don't want to go into detail because i'm still not divorced legally separated long story short i found out that my child or so i thought was not actually mine my wife cheated on me with her ex i found out messages she had been cheating on me on and off throughout our marriage found out too my wife never loved me she only married me because she was in her 30s and i was a responsible guy that would make a good father after finding out i was devastated i have always wanted to be a family man and hearing this crushed me i have met her ex in person too and finding out my son would grow up to look like him well that was too much i decided to break things off completely with my ex i don't want to raise another man's kid and i want to be able to start a new relationship and have children of my own however even my parents are saying i'm in the wrong that i should not turn my back on my son i don't agree it hurts but i think in five years i would have made the right choice [Music] you

Channel: ASK GURL

Views: 92,844

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Keywords: askreddit, r/askreddit, reddit, askwomen, reddit women, askreddit real voice, reddit stories, justnomil, r/aita, r/tifu, reddit wedding, reddit left at the altar, reddit ghosted, reddit relationship, reddit relationship advice, reddit aita, reddit fiance left, reddit cheating, reddit no contact, reddit cut contact

Id: p5FXBMcbU6M

Length: 20min 23sec (1223 seconds)

Published: Sun Nov 08 2020