FULL STORY: Husband Used Me To Get Closer To My Brother Bc They Were Dating & He Married Me As Cover

i 29 female have a husband named matt 32 and an older brother named tony 32. tony has a wife named anna 33. tony and i both went to boarding school growing up i went to an all-girls school and he went to an all-boys school across the country because of the distance we weren't very close as kids and i didn't know much about his life back then when tony was at boarding school he met my future husband matt and they became best friends at the time tony was dealing with depression about his orientation and matt helped him out of it long story short they ended up falling in love and having a relationship once they graduated high school they broke up and lost touch i didn't know about any of this at the time i ended up going to the same university as matt which is where i met him i didn't mention my brother initially because he wasn't really a part of my life and since tony and i have different last names the three of us didn't put the pieces together until a family gathering a year later i'm not gonna lie it was tough at first for everyone involved but eventually we were all able to get past it and tony and matt became best friends again matt and i got married three years ago when i met tony's partner anna for the first time i privately asked tony if he told her about his history with matt tony said it was still a new relationship and he would tell her when they were more serious now tony and anna are married since tony and matt are so close they often go on boys trips with just the two of them they took one of these trips this past weekend and everything was going fine until i get a call from anna asking if i knew where tony was apparently he told her he was going to see her parents but she called them and he wasn't there i told her that he was on a trip with matt she got upset and asked me if there was something going on between them thinking she already knew because she and tony are now married i told her not to worry because mad and tony's romance ended in high school that's when i found out tony never told her tony was furious at me when he got back because anna is threatening divorce and i'm tearing up his family because i told her without asking him first apparently tony didn't tell anna the truth because he thought she wouldn't let him see matt anymore and now anna wants him to cut me and matt out completely matt is upset too because he can't see tony and he's losing his best friend all over again my brother wants to cut me out of his life his wife wants a divorce and my husband is miserable all because of something i said i feel so guilty and can't help but feel as though i messed up am i wrong edit too i've seen a lot of comments asking why i didn't say anything about the trip sooner and what i thought they were doing so i'll just answer here for the sake of convenience my brother has been struggling with pretty severe depression for the past few years because of this he doesn't go out much nor have many friends my husband is his only close friend and the only one tony will open up to because my husband helped him through depression when they were younger the outings with mad were one of the few things that make my brother happy matt always told me they do regular things like play video games and watch movies and go biking so i didn't think too much into it even with matt being tony's ex i thought it was more like matt was helping his friend through a tough time i see now how stupid i was to assume that but that was my thought process update on am i the idiot for telling my sister-in-law the truth about my brother and my husband i wasn't at all expecting my last post to get so much attention to say that the comments were a wake-up call is an understatement many people wanted an update so here it is after i gave my husband space i confronted him about his trips with my brother he agreed to be honest with me about their relationship as some of you suspected matt knew when he first met that i was tony's sister and started dating me to get close to tony again he claimed that in the first year of our relationship before he reunited with tony he genuinely fell in love with me when tony saws together he admitted to matt that he still loved him and was distraught when matt said he didn't feel the same way eventually they made amends and became close again around the time matt married me tony fell into a deep depression that's when the trip started matt told me that initially he was just supporting tony as a friend but tony broke down on one of the trips and confessed that he never stopped loving matt and was lying about the trips to his wife because he felt guilty also why he never told her about their history he begged matt to keep this a secret to protect their relationship according to matt nothing physical ever happened between them i pushed him on why anna thought there was something going on and matt eventually admitted they were having an emotional affair a few months ago anna overheard a phone call between tony and matt that made her suspicious so she went through tony's phone and confronted him about some things she found no hard proof but enough to make her uneasy she told tony she didn't want him hanging out with matt anymore but he did anyway until i accidentally ratted him out my brother and sister-in-law have totally cut contact so i don't have anyone to corroborate my husband's story i still don't know how much of it i believe if it's true i don't know why anna never told me anything the whole thing sounds too ridiculous to be real but for now it's all i have matt has apologized nonstop and wants to work through this which i can't even think about right now the past couple of weeks have been awful matt moved out we both agreed that we need distance before making any decisions about our marriage but i don't see us coming back from this i don't think i'll ever be able to trust anyone again the worst thing is i only have myself to blame for being so naive and not seeing the massive red flags sooner and for marrying my brother's ex in the first place more than anything i feel so incredibly guilty this was not the ending i'd hoped for but i'm grateful that i at least have some answers now honestly i'm not sure i would have had the courage to directly confront this if not for my post here so despite everything maybe we can all think of this as somewhat of a happy ending thank you for all your comments and support i'm so sorry i remember commenting on your post back then this is not your fault you did nothing to deserve this don't feel stupid you trusted someone you loved and unfortunately that trust was not honored but that doesn't make it your mistake i hope you heal from this and find peace what a terrible situation they've both put you and anna in it's okay you did nothing wrong what matt did to you was completely wrong he took complete advantage of you and your brother's relationship you were an amazing partner and gave him everything he needed remember that all you need to do is learn from these mistakes the story seems to have more details that matt is hiding but at this rate you thankfully don't want to stay anyways this marriage was built on sand and lies it's time to move on i hope you think about counseling for yourself good luck op wishing you peace and happiness thank you i also suspect that there is more to the story but like you said i don't want to waste my energy on it fortunately i'm starting therapy next week my husband and i have been married for seven years happily i thought we have two little girls and two young boys and unborn he's due any day now i lost my job back in march due to the global situation and it's been so nice being a stay-at-home mom to the kids our fourth child is due any day now and about two days ago i received a bombshell my husband had an affair it broke me to the core he is the love of my life then he hit me with the second part of the news they had a baby about a month ago he's about two months early and in intensive care and his mother is an addict and was arrested and they want custody to go to my husband he told me i let myself go all these months and that it was a moment of weakness he's telling me that we could still be a happy family and that his baby needs a father am i wrong for not wanting any of this his side of the family is calling me a monster for turning away a child in need i feel like i'm living a nightmare it's true his child needs a father throw him out he can pay child support for your four kids with reasonable visitation and raise his own kid with custody you are not wrong yeet him into the sun no not just this but its huge red flag that he's essentially blaming her for letting herself go um she's pregnant and if this baby is a couple months early he knocked up the side piece just two months into his wife's pregnancy i have an ex-husband who always blamed me for his cheating it took me 13 years and a whole lot of strength to leave that horrible relationship that poor baby is also a victim in his mess but that doesn't mean you have to accept taking responsibility for said child just please don't let your children grow up treating their half-sibling like crap because of their father's bad behavior my job has been traveling constantly between my home city in america and paris it's very inconsistent i could be in paris for a week or three months straight at a time it's also short notice for the shorter trips i might get added onto the trip just one to three days in advance on average i'd say i spend four to six months out of the year in paris since i was basically living there half time i couldn't stand living in a hotel anymore i decided to buy an apartment in paris it's one bath one bedroom and like 500 square feet it's in a very good location though so it was expensive i am so glad i bought it though because living in my own home is way more comfortable than a hotel and i don't need to pack and unpack every time i leave my quality of life has gotten so much better being able to cook my own meals relax in my own home and work in a space that actually lets me focus it's not a vacation home it's a secondary residence my brother and sister-in-law have a milestone anniversary coming up in 2022 and they plan on staying in paris for a while they haven't decided on the specific dates or whether they'll be there for two weeks or a month but they have decided they'll be staying in my apartment without asking me they just told me to keep all of june 2022 free for them there are so many reasons why that can't work first of all it's a one bedroom apartment if i suddenly got added onto a trip and needed to go to paris one of us would need to leave and it's not going to be me second the only feasible way i can ensure that i won't have any paris obligations in the entire month of june 2022 is by using all my vacation days that month which i am not going to do my brother and sister-in-law have called me an idiot for not helping them make this once-in-a-lifetime milestone anniversary work it's their 10th anniversary there will be a 25th and a 50th hopefully if i don't let them stay they'll either have to cut down the length or quality of the trip by a lot to make it affordable the comparable cost of a hotel where my apartment is in peak tourist season would probably be 200 euros a day if i really wanted to i could make it work i could live in a hotel in case of a trip the entire month if need be i would have to greatly sacrifice my work quality and living standards for that period of time i'd also be setting the precedent that my apartment is a vacation home to the rest of the family which i have spent a lot of time trying to counter my brother and sister-in-law insist that this is a favor family should do for each other and i'm being selfish i don't have a ton of money and want to make a special memory for a special occasion i get that but in my opinion they can still have a second honeymoon and just cut costs in other places am i the idiot not the idiot this isn't a holiday home that you stay in for a few weeks of the year at a time arranged well in advance and that is unoccupied for the rest of the year this is your residence for up to half of the year one that you often need to use at short notice your brother and sister-in-law don't get to decide that they are going to commandeer it for a month any more than they get to decide to turn you out of your american home on a whim if they can't afford to stay for a month in paris without taking over your apartment they can't afford to stay for a month in paris you're also right to worry about setting a precedent what happens when they decide they want to spend future anniversaries in your apartment because it is romantic to go back to the place where they celebrated their 10th what happens if another family member wants to use the apartment because you let brother and sister-in-law have it for a month i'm only asking for a couple of weeks i agree with you and want to say that they have two years to save up the money eat out less per month drop some of the other unnecessary expenses it's not like they're going next week you are not the idiot opie okay this is really stupid and i'm pretty sure i'm not the idiot but this happened over a year ago and my boyfriend keeps bringing this up as an example of me trying to undermine him so my boyfriend and i love food not too uncommon obviously we're also both pretty athletic i'm a runner so i'm relatively small around 100 pounds at 5'4 well he's an olympic weight lifter and occasional bodybuilder so he's a lot bigger probably like 200 pounds at six feet the thing is i have an enormous appetite way bigger than his honestly i'm kind of embarrassed at how much i can eat which is often way more than him so last year we went to a restaurant that has a 96 ounce steak challenge basically you have to finish a 96 ounce steak plus a bunch of sides in an hour and you get the meal for free i honestly had very little doubt i could finish it boyfriend and i went to the restaurant with a few friends and i said i wanted to try the challenge boyfriend said he wouldn't pay for it if i couldn't finish it but like i said i was pretty sure i would finish it he had been to the restaurant before and he ordered a more normal meal i don't remember exactly but some kind of steak that was probably closer to like 18 ounces i made a bet with him that i would not only finish my meal but would finish it before he did and he accepted well the meal comes and i finish in under an hour boyfriend can't even finish his meal i end up finishing for him our friends that were with us laughed and congratulated me and teased my boyfriend that his girlfriend of half his size could out-eat him so much and i told him to pay up after we separated from our friends he went off on me telling me i embarrassed him in front of our friends and emasculated him but i honestly don't think i'm an idiot for this but he keeps bringing this up as an example of me trying to undermine him in public am i the idiot for out-eating him and embarrassing him in front of our friends not the idiot the word undermine used this way is a red flag just because he's self-conscious doesn't mean you should change your behavior to make him feel like more of a man that's not your job and he's talking like he's trying to get you to do whatever he says so he feels like he's in charge around his friends he needs to put on his big boy pants you are not the idiot you bet him he accepted that bet and now he doesn't like the outcome sounds like his ego about his manhood is wrapped up in how much he did or didn't eat compared to you which is kind of sad and that's the thing if you do love him what he really is projecting is he's insecure what you choose to do with that information is up to you four weeks ago the sale of my company was finalized and i was starting to get money in hand for the sale nothing huge but life-changing for my husband and i for sure i wanted to invite my brother's family out to dinner at a fancy restaurant next week since indoor dining is now available between my husband and i his parents and his brother i'm looking at a fifteen hundred dollar bill to give an idea one person is missing however and that's my husband's sister i didn't invite her because of her autistic son i know he doesn't typically do well in gatherings like this especially with food involved as he's specific about his food my sister-in-law and him are attached at the hip so it's hard to invite her out to do any activity without her son tagging along i don't even want to give them a chance and instead just flat out didn't invite them this is a very important meal for me because my husband's parents have paid for nice dinners for me before and this is my way of showing i can repay the favor i want it to be perfect and unfortunately this means i don't want sister-in-law's autistic son making a ruckus or scene as he normally would my husband and his parents have fallen back on it's your dinner plans we don't tell you who to invite but obviously his sister is livid am i the idiot if it matters her son is young and in past dinners we've all had together he's thrown food plates glasses swapped forks with people without permission etc with global situation i don't want to be kicked out of a restaurant because of an autistic tantrum ah you are such an idiot people like you are the reason developmental disorders and autism in particular get such a heavy stigma look nobody's saying it would necessarily be easy to accommodate your nephew by the way you realize that right you realize this is your nephew you're talking about the fact alone that you do not use that word even once tells me everything about you i need to know frankly but the decent and you know human thing to do would be to share your concerns respectfully with your sister-in-law after first considering how to do so without sounding like an idiot for all you know your sister-in-law might not even want to bring him to a restaurant like that but no instead you're just blatantly excluding her and him because it's more important for your precious perfect evening to be unspoiled by the autistic kid but it's okay chances are your sister-in-law already knows how you feel about your nephew and what kind of person you are so while she is quite rightly furious at you at least i doubt it comes as much of a surprise congratulations i hope nobody shows up you are the idiot you are not the idiot yes you could invite just her and say adults only but you know that's going to cause problems too you're not blaming your nephew for his autism you're simply aware that this isn't an environment that he'll do well in i get it it's a tough situation for sure i get why she's ticked and that she feels excluded but the world doesn't revolve around her son there are going to be things that he can't go to or needs to learn how to handle that's just the reality of it so she can either choose not to be invited because she refuses to leave him behind she can teach him how to handle these situations typically involves therapy or she can hire a sitter for a night out the choice is really hers you are doing nothing wrong by wanting a nice dinner at a nice restaurant the problem is that opie didn't even give the sister-in-law a chance to turn down the request even if that would have caused problems it would have been less of a problem than fully excluding the sister-in-law [Music] you

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Keywords: askreddit, r/askreddit, reddit, askwomen, reddit women, askreddit real voice, reddit stories, justnomil, r/aita, r/tifu, reddit full story, reddit relationship update, reddit infidelit update, reddit aita update, reddit husband cheated full story

Id: vRxr7AwjqeE

Length: 19min 42sec (1182 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 22 2021