Parents Cut Contact Because I'm Childfree But Now Show Up To Demand I Adopt Younger Sister's BABY

child free redditors how did your immediate family react to your decision a little history for you to understand the story more completely i've known i didn't want kids since i myself was a kid i've never had a maternal instinct and the sound of babies crying literally makes my skin crawl at the age of 19 i was told by three separate doctors that i'd never have children due to a manageable medical condition and i was honestly relieved heck yeah free birth control obviously my significant other knows that i have no interest or ability to have children and he made his peace with that a long time ago we enjoy our child free lifestyle and consider our family complete with our fur kiddos i currently live in a separate country than my family does my family is very conservative and believes that a family doesn't start until a child is brought into the world by the married parents they have bothered us for years about when we are going to have a baby in order to make our family complete a few years ago i told them it was essentially impossible and they finally left me alone about it well about nine months ago my dad calls me and tells me he has news for me he asks if i'm sitting down and then proceeds to tell me that he is going to be a grandfather being one of two of his children that obviously meant that my younger sister was pregnant i immediately started crying i knew that this meant that she would forever be tied to a person that didn't love her respect her or emotionally support her i also knew this meant she wouldn't go back to school and she'd be stuck in the same little black hole of a town our parents were stuck in for their entire lives i asked if she'd consider putting the child up for adoption or for the other a word my dad angrily told me that not everyone finds having a child as repulsive as you do and that i should be happy for my sister since she is happy about it fast forward to the child being born a few days ago my dad calls me to let me know that my sister and her child are doing okay and he said he has something serious to ask me he said that my sister's boyfriend said he wants no part in being a father and left my sister with a newborn baby i would love to tell you at this point that i was surprised by this information but i wasn't he tells me that she feels like having the baby was a mistake and was considering giving it up for adoption my family decided that since my significant other and i don't have children and have successful careers that we should take the child and raise it as our own i sat in stunned silence at the other end of the phone for what felt like an eternity well my father rambled on about the logistics of adoption and how we would have to get a passport for the baby to come to the country we currently live in in the middle of his ramblings i snapped back to reality and just yelled no my dad stopped talking for a brief moment and then told me stop being unreasonable and to keep my mind open i told him that i wasn't the one being unreasonable here and that he knew that my significant other and i have absolutely no interest in having or adopting children and that we are happy how we are needless to say my family has only talked to me once since then to ask if i'd reconsider and i normally talk to them every day my significant other assured me that i did the right thing and i will definitely stand by my decision september last year when my 27 year old female husband 29 year old male proposed to me during that time i reminded him that i do not want any kids and he's been aware of this ever since we started dating he has always assured me that he supports my decision but when we announced the engagement to his family my mother-in-law got excited for her soon-to-be grandchildren that's when i realized that his family is not aware that we're not having kids but he told me he's going to explain it to them so we got married february this year today we visited his parents we haven't visited them a long time due to global situation and surprisingly my mother-in-law asked how is my medication on my pcos going my husband immediately answered that it was going well but i was confused when we got home i asked him what happened he told me that his parents think i have pcos so that we can't have children yet because he thought i might change my mind in the future i told him that i clarified to him before that i don't want any kids and i won't ever want to have one i messaged my mother-in-law to tell her the truth and she became enraged telling me that i'm being selfish because my husband is the eldest son of the eldest son of the eldest son and so on thus being the main bloodline of their family it's been really full of chaos but my family fortunately supports me of my decision my husband still thinks i'd change my mind someday but i won't so mother-in-law made the announcement today that her niece my husband's cousin is pregnant for the fourth time around husband and i were very surprised and simultaneously launched into a massive questions and statements the very first of which was something like have they just never used protection at all followed by lots of points such as the fact that they have such little money they're almost always on the brink of divorce they always say they can't handle so many kids etc mother-in-law said it wasn't our place to say anything and everyone makes their own choices and then left the room father-in-law then continues the conversation with us agreeing that it's stupid he tells us the pregnancy was planned and how excited they are mother-in-law then comes back and gets mad at all of us including father-in-law for joining in i am bewildered why anyone would want four children especially under such circumstances we have one child we are careers not parents and yes i know i get down votes for being a career on a child free page whom we have raised since birth and it is bloody hard like exhausting hard our lives are nothing like we planned and we have become even more determined not to have any of our own i seriously cannot understand why people do this to themselves voluntarily where do i even begin with this one few years ago my brother got a girl pregnant quick wedding and then the baby came since then his financial situation keeps getting worse as they live in a one-bedroom apartment with a small child on a minimum wage income and his wife refuses to work because she wants to fully experience being a mother they constantly hit my parents for money and i worry my parents won't be able to retire as they planned because now they have to support my brother's family and when i say they have to i mean they choose to enter the current situation and of course my brother and his wife announced that they now expect baby number two my entire family is ecstatic and i was the only one that pointed out the obvious flaw in this great news how can you bring more people into this world if you cannot afford the first one heck they can't even afford to support themselves everyone is offended that i did not congratulate them even my parents i am so disappointed in them my parting words to my dad were good luck supporting them for the rest of your life i hope you were not looking forward to your retirement because that likely won't happen for you my mother-in-law has been very vocal about my husband's vasectomy she messed up today when she emailed him blaming me for the entire thing it was a mutual decision for your info in the email she said that as his wife it is selfish of me to ask him to do this before he is 30. he's 28. 30 seems to be a magical number when you can make your own decisions for some reason that i should get an iud after being on birth control for 10 plus years that made me have horrible side effects we discussed me getting the surgery or him we both decided that it was better for him to get it mother-in-law stated that we haven't looked into all the options and that i was selfish for making it to where he couldn't have kids and i would still be able to insinuating that i would leave him we have been together for nine years and as corny as it sounds guys this man is my soul mate she called me overbearing and negative as well she ended the five long email rant with don't hate me i'm your mom and i'm entitled to my two cents i love you both and i'm proud of you my husband lost it i have never seen him so angry he stood for about an hour and then responded which i told him not to worry about i don't need defending he said that he wasn't going to let someone talk about me that way told her it was a mutual decision all his friends have kids and are miserable he said that people only want him to have kids so he will be as miserable as they are i read the emails guys they are awful i cannot believe the things that were said in it i'm not gonna lie my feelings were hurt but seeing my beautiful husband stand up for me made me want to cry i still can't believe someone loves me as much as he does me i'm very lucky to have a teammate in life even if i have to put up with his mom which will now be less he said we don't have to talk to her we didn't want to tell anyone but she kept pushing and pushing about why my husband couldn't come to a thanksgiving dinner she was planning that night he finally just told her to shut her up husband has still not responded besides telling her she can't talk about me like that she emailed him again this morning with another very long message basically saying to get over it and that he can't stay mad at her forever here is the april 2020 update to this story husband did not make me go to christmas with her i haven't had to see her she did email me to apologize however it wasn't an apology she said that she is just looking out for her son and everything said was taken out of context i wish i could copy and paste it all here but it is a freaking book i snapped back at her and told her to read her email from the recipient's point of view not the sender she basically gaslighted and blamed it all on me and that she would never tell a woman what to do with her body i have the emails to say otherwise husband has stuck to leaving me alone about seeing her he also constantly apologizes for having to deal with his family right now i'm just really really angry my sister and i are both 29 my whole life i've tried to do the very best i can do academically i did the international bachelor while my sister did a state certificate i moved to canada where i'm now a citizen and got my bachelor's while she did a hair and makeup course in her home city i did my master's while she worked as a receptionist at my father's law firm and now this late last year she met a guy at the local pub they've been together almost since they first met that's fine i'm happy that she's found love i genuinely believe that they suit each other well and that's great this year she got pregnant and her son was born on the 28th of november fine whatever good for her meanwhile after almost five years of hard work i was finally granted my doctorate in political science on wednesday morning i've now been guaranteed a job at the university i studied at and i'm looking forward to it so on thursday i flew back to my home country australia in order to attend a family reunion my mother sounded so excited on the phone about the big achievements her words that have taken place in our family lately so i get to dinner just on time and when it comes to making toasts my mother stands up from her seat and acknowledges my sister's child my father's efforts at the nearby slsc and my cousin getting his first job at target no mention of the doctorate i don't mean to be entitled but i'm a little upset that a 15 year old's first job is more important than something i've quite literally dedicated my life to i was planning on staying for a month but now i'm not so sure the only thing anyone wanted to talk about was the kid though i love my family it's clear to me that they don't value me they almost never call they've never visited despite having more than enough time and money to do so and i get an email on christmas if i'm lucky they don't care that i'm engaged and they don't consider it to be real because we're both men unfortunately the first flight back i could find is in a week i can't reach out to my significant other because he's doing research in a very rural area the only person who's even remotely cared about my achievements so far was the woman at customs who asked for my title and even then it was only to determine whether or not i was a physician meanwhile my family is obsessed with this baby who hasn't earned any degrees or done anything at all other than being born i'm just am i wrong to be upset i am a hundred percent child free there is this 19 year old girl that grew up with me and basically my mother forced me to babysit when i was young myself anywho we grow up we reconnect we both grew up in an ultra-religious environment we're both black sheep and while i was able to leave she is stuck with her mother and without a job my husband and i love her a lot because she is a sweet kid has made mistakes but considering her bad upbringing makes sense she's in a much better place now but like i said she is stuck with her mom and is unable to finish high school since all schools are closed and the adult learning program she was in shut down too we talked yesterday turns out she found out the guy who she thought was her dad might not be her dad at all while talking she mentions she wants to change her birth control but she has no money and cannot ask her mom for help because that will bring fire on her for being unpure she hasn't even been to an ob gyn appointment in her life well not on my watch i am taking her to my own doctor getting her to make an educated choice making sure she's freaking healthy why do religious nuts refuse the choice to have or not have children on women if she gets a surprise pregnancy they will treat her like dirt and make her more vulnerable to a nasty relationship because she will be desperate to find a baby daddy to make her good on the church's eyes i got my own level of crap when i decided not to have children why do they feel entitled to force women to have kids when many don't even finish school my aunt and her ex-husband had three kids after years of keeping their position of being absolutely 100 child free they had them all in a row with little more than a year between the three of them and our family was pretty happy but not ecstatic because i had been the only baby basically since my mother and my aunt were kids and my grandparents were beginning to feel their age and felt like they couldn't take care of my cousins like they did with me after her third kid my aunt noticed that her husband was not helping at all he had recently left his job and spent his time at home doing basically nothing all day long while she worked her nine to five ran after the kids and kept the house together they divorced and she still has the kids most of the time she's a very attentive mother she spends time with her kids goes to the movies to the park goes to their plays and sports events talks with their teachers basically organizes her life around their needs but a while ago we were chatting and the topic of children came up and how i want to be child free and her response was to say that she loved her kids with all her heart but she regretted having them and hated being a mother she is convinced that she had kids because she had a very long extensive period of baby fever and since her friends encouraged her to indulge in it and told her that having babies was the best experience of their lives she did it took her years of therapy to realize that her friends didn't do her a favor and that the stress of the divorce and the kids is part of what damaged her mental health so if you don't want kids make sure to stay child free even if you have a moment of baby fever annoys me so much it has been my dream to work from home a few days a week my job can easily be done at home thus these last few weeks while certainly stressful for other reasons have been a dream if anything i've been more productive at home as my day is not constantly interrupted by inane meetings and phone calls but policy has never allowed anyone to work from home as we are a local government office but now as we make plans to go back to the office it seems it will be allowed to continue for a select few because schools and day cares will remain closed so they have decided those with kids can stay at home well those without will have to return and yes we have all been getting paid and they will continue to be paid i do not begrudge them for getting to stay home obviously they need to care for their kids i just want to be treated the same i have to go out sit in an office with a mask on while they stay with their kids doing less of their job at home than i am since they are caring for kids but i have to come back no we all go back none go back or you pay only those of us that go back i will fight this but i'm sure i will get sneered at for being selfish why is it selfish to be treated equally in the last few weeks all i see in multiple subreddits are baby and childishes i'm getting tired of it so i need to write this out for myself even if a lot of you will hate me for it if you are not financially stable don't make babies if you are not emotionally stable don't make babies if you are underaged don't make babies if your main priorities are partying every weekend don't make babies if you are married to a psychopath or narcissist or addict or aggressive piece of crap don't make babies same if you are one of these if all your friends started to have kids and you just want to fit in don't make babies if you are planning to let the child be raised by another family member don't make babies i'm pretty sure that your sister or aunt or brother will make one of their own when they want one if you can't take care of yourself first on every level don't make babies if you can't be responsible for a dog or a cat don't make babies if you think your only job is to carry the pregnancy to term and then others will take over don't make babies if only your partner wants a child and you don't don't make babies if you just want to force a man to stay with you don't make babies if you already regret the first kid don't make a second one i'm saying all this after working in child care for six years and i quit because of crappy parents not the kids there's nothing wrong with not having children we have the right to choose but there is a lot wrong with making a child's and your closed family's life miserable because you are an irresponsible idiot [Music]

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Keywords: askreddit, r/askreddit, reddit, askwomen, reddit women, askreddit real voice, reddit stories, justnomil, r/aita, r/tifu, reddit sister, reddit sister pregnant, reddit child free, reddit childfree, reddit parents cut contact, reddit family no contact, reddit parents disowned, reddit parents demand money, reddit childfree life

Id: bcg50-G6BtI

Length: 19min 6sec (1146 seconds)

Published: Thu Dec 17 2020