Brother Told Me To Get Rid Of My Baby Bc I'm Too Poor But Now He Begs I Help Him & Pregnant SIL

i female 28 was five weeks pregnant with my son jack when my husband got involved in an accident that left him on a ventilator for a few days then he passed away this absolutely ended me i was going through the worst days of my life i had to go to the hospital i was suffering from anemia because i didn't eat for two days following the funeral i felt tired weak and pale all the time my family who hated my husband especially my brother showed up at the hospital and started talking about my health and how the pregnancy was probably causing this and told me i should consider termination since being a new widow having health problems wasn't a suitable condition to raise a child in i was in disbelief i knew he hated my husband and hated that i was pregnant with his baby so he brought up the idea to get rid of him permanently i was so mad i asked him how could he expect me to let go of the last piece i have of my husband who was taken from me all of a sudden i told him how my husband was so excited to be a dad and how much this meant to him i called him selfish and insensitive for even thinking about it and i cut contact with them after that now my son is three months old there isn't a day that goes by that i don't wish that my husband was here with us it's so unfair and my son didn't deserve not having his dad around last week my mom called me she started talking about my brother's financial struggles and how he could no longer pay for rent because his work project that he put his money in got cancelled she suggested that he and his pregnant wife could come stay at my place for a couple of months till he figured something out she said she has no room for them in her house because she already has her knees stay with her after she and her husband divorced i told her that i couldn't let him live with me after he blatantly told me to get rid of baby just out of spite and hate for my husband i told her how hurt i felt and how difficult it was to realize that my son was rejected by him and now he wants to be part of my and my son's life my mom lashed out saying that i should let go of the past and that i can't just refuse to let his pregnant wife in and cause them to be homeless i told her no and she tried to argue and pressure me into saying yes i hung up on her but she kept calling to shame me and guilt-trip and say that i was being cruel and selfish info has your brother made any form of grovelling apology since and how was your relationship with him before the accident no he never apologized to me probably because he thought he said this out of concern for my health while my husband was alive my brother wouldn't visit nor attend any family events we host for the family he would always try to keep a distance and then try to blame my husband saying he was driving a wedge between the whole family you are not wrong i don't know your financial situation obviously but you are a new widow with a three-month-old baby you deserve to protect your peaceful home while you grieve and raise your baby alone don't give your brother's plight another thought your brother is responsible for what he said the way you feel about it is not her decision your mom shows poor emotional boundaries here come to think of your brother lacks respect for personal boundaries and trying to tell you to get rid of your son you're not wrong your brother can't be trusted around your son i have two children girl and boy both of whom i love dearly i've never shown any favoritism towards them and they both have equal chores and roles around the house so my daughter's laptop is really slow i've told her that i will get her a new laptop eventually but i need the extra money to buy my son a new hearing aid he has severe hearing loss and the aid helps just in case of an emergency i've told my daughter that she can use my laptop for school but that she isn't allowed to have fun on it or access social media she got angry over this and said that she deserves her laptop more than my son deserves a hearing aid i apologized for making her feel bad over the situation but my son needs this more than my daughter needs a laptop and i made the mistake of telling her that she stormed upstairs and refused to talk to me for a week straight when i dropped my kids off at their mothers i told her about the situation and she agreed wholeheartedly that the hearing aid was more important just to be clear my ex-wife doesn't have a stable job right now she was fired due to the global situation and can't afford much despite this i can't help but feel guilty am i wrong no one is wrong here your daughter is at an age where socialization seems to be the most important thing but your son has a medical need maybe there's something you can do for her old computer to speed it up in the meantime show her that you understand her needs you should apologize to her for saying that your son's needs matter more however that was likely hurtful to her you didn't mean to hurt her feelings or belittle her needs and she needs to hear that you are not wrong health needs always come before gaming and social needs this i'm hard of hearing and have needed hearing aids since i was a kid i'm in a country where hearing aids are covered by government health care so this was never an issue for me but i also wanted to learn asl as an alternate tool for dealing with my hearing this is something my parents refused to find for me it's something i'm still resentful for 30 years later your daughter sounds very entitled to prioritize her entertainment over a tool for her brother's disability i'd suggest to her if she wants her laptop so soon she could earn the money to buy one herself okay weird title i know basically my nephew has a pretty severe peanut allergy to the point where they carry an epipen around all the time just in case from what i know if he mistakenly eats a peanut or something they have to use the epipen asap my brother drops my nephew off at my parents house pretty randomly most of the time he'll call ahead but sometimes he comes without warning but my parents are usually there and responsible of course when we know my nephew's coming we put away all the peanut products today i doordashed some chick-fil-a for lunch not knowing my brother and my nephew were gonna stop by i left the chick-fil-a on the dining table while i finished a class and when i walked out i saw my nephew eating one of my nuggets i panicked because i knew that chick-fil-a uses peanut oil to fry their chicken so i ran and told my brother that my nephew ate a chicken nugget that was fried with peanut oil and he immediately used the epipen on my nephew when my brother's wife found out she was furious because apparently peanut oil is refined and therefore my nephew isn't allergic to it so they had just wasted an epipen my brother is blaming me and says i need to pay to replace the epipen since it's my fault it was used but i feel like as his dad he should have been aware of what his son was or wasn't allergic to and stopped him from eating something if he wasn't sure if he was allergic to it however that was their last epipen and my brother says they can't afford to buy another one i'm young so i do have a job but it's minimum wage and i only have about eight hundred dollars saved and it's part of what i'm saving up for college i can't afford to spend 600 on an epipen you are not the idiot you were concerned for his safety and alerted his parent to the possible issue it's always better to be safe than sorry sure in hindsight it was a waste of an epipen but better to waste it than not use it when it was actually needed the real idiot here is the pharmaceutical industry for making life-saving medications so expensive if the kid's owned father didn't know peanut oil was okay how the heck were you a young relative with no peanut allergy supposed to know is bad enough that these people are trying to force you into a role of parenting their kid removing all peanut products from your own house really and not supervising what their kid eats but thinking you should know more of the allergen details than the kid's father is just entitled sorry no other way to describe that level of awfulness you are not wrong can't believe it needs to be said but it's the job of the parents to parent have a daughter with a peanut allergy we've been told that refined peanut oil is okay but we haven't tried it however you don't just use an epipen like that he wasn't showing symptoms of anything and after you use the epipen you're supposed to call 9-1-1 the effects only last 15 minutes or so not to mention the side effects of using an epipen unnecessarily there's something weird about this story and not just that the dad didn't know what was going on for context i am a 44 male and am the second youngest within my own family of nine my father passed away in my 30s and my 78 elderly mother lives in my native country and i go to visit her with my family each year this year because of global situation and restriction we couldn't go in early june as intended recently however i got news that she was deathly ill and thankfully airways opened up so i could go visit her i love my mother with my entire being so of course i would be by your side once i arrived in my country i was put in isolation then afterwards i went to see my mother it was at this time that i got a phone call from my wife that our second eldest nearly adult daughter got into an accident on her way back from school and was in critical condition at that moment i didn't know what to think and my wife urged me to come back and be by her daughter's side on one side my daughter's in critical condition and the other my mother is dying i admit i had hope that my daughter would make it and chose to be by my mother's side and she passed on after a few days by the time i rushed back to be by my family's side my daughter had passed away as well i don't know what to do my wife has locked herself away cries nonstop and won't talk to me and my other kids are all angry with me saying i betrayed their sister by not honoring her dying wish that i be by her side my daughter and i had always been very close and she was the goofball within our family it breaks my heart to know she had been calling out to me the entire time and i wasn't there for her i seriously don't know what to do on one hand family members have been telling me i did good by being by my mother's side but others are saying i should have been by my daughters she was young and it was her dying wish i am so lost this is tearing apart my family please someone tell me if i did wrong or right i seriously don't know i just want this immense guilt to go away my condolences opie not only have you lost two women you love you're in a tough spot when it comes to everyone else's grief you and your family have all of my sympathy this is probably beyond anyone's pay grade on reddit get yourself and your family into grief counseling asap your situation needs professional intervention edit to add do not let guilt eat you alive it's hard not to feel some level of it in a loss such as what you've experienced but you deserve your own forgiveness i've been there i know how heavy the guilt of not being present is i'm still figuring out how to completely believe that i deserve to let the guilt go but it weighs a lot less now that i've been processing my grief with a therapist best wishes op be gentle with yourself this is really tough two people in your life who were very dear to you passed away i would say no one's wrong here you went there to be with your mother and you even needed to be isolated before you could see her you probably would have had to be isolated to come back and see your daughter if i understand the timeline of things correctly even if you had come back when you were told to you would have had to isolate yourself which would have made you unable to be by your daughter's side anyway i grew up in a single-parent household with my mother and my half-sister casey who is seven years younger than me my mother struggled with addiction for the majority of her life and as a result i have no clue who my father is casey's father was also heavily into sugar and only stuck around for three years i basically raised casey i am now 31 and have no desire to have children after spending so much of my youth caring for casey casey unfortunately followed in my mother's footsteps and that she began excessively drinking smoking partying etc she enrolled in a university that's known for being a party school but dropped out during her first year after getting pregnant with my niece fourteen weeks into casey's pregnancy we learned that the baby would likely be born with intellectual and physical disabilities i am pro-choice and discussed ending it as an option with casey who at the time refused and assured me that she would love her baby no matter what disability she was born with my niece is now four years old and is non-verbal with pretty severe cognitive delays and motor sensory issues my mother has been sober for about five years and has since come around to help out casey with my niece she feels bad about her poor upbringing and as a result enables casey to continue partying and being an irresponsible parent casey's hardly ever around while my mother is left alone with my niece she's pretty much become my niece's 24 7 caretaker both my mom and sister have asked that i helped babysit from time to time but i've politely declined because i know nothing about caring for special needs children i also work a lot so i don't see how they think i would be able to do this recently i learned that my mother is planning to move a few states away as her boyfriend would like to be closer to his family meaning she will no longer be around to help take care of my niece now casey has asked that i become my niece's godmother and that i move back to our hometown and in with her to help out i declined because i know that what she really means is that she'd like me to become my niece's primary caretaker she then asked compromise by having me pay for a home care aid and for assisted living for when my niece turns 18. again i refused my husband and i both have well-paying jobs so technically we could afford it but i'm sick of everyone rewarding casey for her poor choices this resulted in a screaming match between her and i where in the heat of the moment i told casey that she should have gotten a procedure if she knew she was unwilling to step up and be a mother to a child with special needs now i am receiving daily texts from both her and my mother stating how terrible of a person i am and that if i truly cared about our family that i would help out am i the idiot in context i'm going with you're not the idiot it's a harsh thing to say about any child and i'm fiercely pro-choice but you weren't really saying it about the child you were saying it about the mother making choices you are a little bit wrong in my opinion about saying you know nothing about caring for special needs children because that doesn't matter you could learn if you wanted to but the point is you don't want to babysit and that's fine you don't need an excuse and the one you're using is kind of crappy i'm not interested in babysitting making the time or shouldering casey's poor choices is all you need you should be calling cps like yesterday my mom has actually shockingly taken really good care of my niece it's just that now she's moving away both her and my sister feel like i should be stepping in to help out and i feel like it's not my responsibility i 32 female have been married to my husband 34 for 7 years and together for 10. he and his ex 35 female have two children together girl and boy my husband and i have three children together boy and two girls my husband's ex has four other children and she's a single mom my step-kids are the only kids of his ex who have a father involved i provide that information because my husband's ex has been struggling the last two years after the birth of her youngest because of this my husband had started providing more for my step-children which is what the kids deserved but now she's asked for increased child support and for us me to take her other four children sometimes to help her out and i have a problem with that this woman has been less than kind to me since day one she engaged in parental alienation which we still feel the effects of even though it's gotten better in the last four years since a judge threatened to change the parenting time if she didn't cut it out the kids are still distant with me and favor their other siblings but we're still in a better place than we were i still don't like their mom she tried to get me arrested because i picked up my step kids from school on my husband's parenting time actually called the police and i was forced to provide the court order and proof it was my husband's parenting time all the while she encouraged the kids to stay in the car she's also allowed and encouraged her younger kids to bully mine we had an issue with my older two and two of her kids i had to get my son moved to a different class and sent my middle to a different daycare i know my husband feels we need to help her because she's the mother of his kids and i respect if he wants to give some of his time but he will not offer mine and i've told him this i also don't want him taking from our family and putting us in financial hardship which what they are talking about would do i also told him to think of what it would be like for our kids being around kids who have been taught how to be unkind to them i also fear it will hurt them to see their older siblings love on the others and not them which has happened before am i the idiot not the idiot the fact that his ex hasn't figured out birth control is not your issue to deal with if her kids treated you and your kids with respect it might be different in regards to allowing them all to come to your home the ex wants her to take in all the kids to give her a break that means o.p would be expected to look after eight kids that's insane not the idiot your husband's ex is toxic and you have to make that clear to your husband her poor life choices are not your husbands nor your responsibility i actually feel bad for your step kids because they're being brought up in such a toxic environment your husband is only responsible for his kids that he had with her she's responsible for the rest of her kids the fact that she wants to increase child support because of kids that aren't your husbands baffles me you are not wrong gop i hope you get through to your husband and work this out for the better [Music] you

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Keywords: askreddit, r/askreddit, reddit, askwomen, reddit women, askreddit real voice, reddit stories, justnomil, r/aita, r/tifu, reddit sister in law pregnant, reddit paternity, reddit move in, reddit brother begs help, reddit move in my house, reddit revenge

Id: o-khFAh8E3w

Length: 18min 21sec (1101 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 20 2021