Funny Valedictorian Speech

Henry now that we have that shameless self-promotion out of the way I think it's time ladies and gentlemen it's my absolute pleasure to introduce this year's valedictorian mr. Henry Goddard it's got roasted a little bit out here I feel kind of all right so good evening honored guests administration teachers family friends my mother Kathy are you mom and of course you guys the class of ten or twenty ten all right it doesn't really flow that well actually ten so I like we're not be six we didn't get 49 that would have been sweet but we got to deal with it so I'm lucky for you guys have come up with a couple better sounding little better flowing labels so among the buttes were class of route 100 don't worry mr. Fisher that's more of an advancement joke and I understand you might not get that so I came up with class of eight plus two for you mr. Fisher where are you there hi big guy or we could even be class a Brennan literacy test score I'm sorry I'm sorry Martha as I'm sorry regardless is tight a little class we made it we're here together we're proud to be the class of 10 i would be remissed however if I didn't acknowledge a class member of ours who isn't here tonight and that's illogical but I think all of you agree that he is very much here tonight and he's very much part of the class of 10 now is only short while ago that PC I saw the class of 10 that beady-eyed crop of innocent adolescence enter its red brick walls we had no idea what we were in for we didn't know that miss moon owned the hallway or that a few minutes mr. Sheen could grow a beard identical to that of mr. t and then go ahead and poorly impersonate mr. Sheen I mean we didn't know that miss Affleck's calculators we're as precious as gold isn't that right and we didn't realize that this parent had a small collection of reptiles harbored in the back quadrant the prints every collegiate and one thing we sure didn't know was the Jason Park self it would look very much like he was a student was in fact not and had graduated some time ago I just chose to eat his lunch in the senior cafeteria yes we have a lot to learn but one thing that we did understand was that we're gonna support each other through thick and thin and that I knew high school with you just the same but that's what's great about living in a rural area I mean it seems a map of the obstacle the person you're looking for is always there and on behalf of the class of 10 I think it's only proper that I thank our wonderful teachers for always being there arousing her all would hell happened one of these the e aids thanks for always being there with the sodium no matter the mess you guys were always there miss Marcal thanks for always being there after 8:05 which pc then open the library and you were always there my beautiful brother George Oh George thank you for always being there my friends unless of course there's a dispute of five dollars or so thanks for always being there subway I can't stress this enough subway thank you for always being it's kind of shameless but I was told to give a word to my sponsors so Don staying all the one of people at mcdougal Stan's insurance Brio people working for you since 1947 in general prints over County thanks for always being there mrs. Ella where were you I looked over I just think we want to put this in you and I could have been finding the last egg I just I just didn't even know where to find you on wing what Here I am standing up you're thinking everyone is so whatever going to see them again but these folks aren't going anywhere miss Nichols is always going to answer questions with other questions and if you've ever taken a gym class with mr. Holmes you know that this seal is mr. Holmes house and you are not mr. Holmes get off the spa golf course mr. Young's going to look the best in a pair of chaps cuz he rides a motorcycle that's your mindset of the gutter you're always going to hear miss Porter before you see her thanks to our wide assortment of heels that's not a horse in the hallway folks that first quarter passing by mr. Hoshi is always going to believe that the Hobbs will one day win the Cup unfortunately this goes against my motif because that's just not gonna happen again let's say and Town and Country is always going to wait ladies and dinos dogs and sell great pizza causes jams or whatever that bar is cooked very well be better in the future you see Prince Everett counties not going anywhere class of 10 I just gave it a couple years you guys we back to you in fact not only and you guys made back but just you know take a look around chances are you're sitting beside our next doctor's Jordan Brooks our next artisan chefs andrea huming Erik Nielsen our next future ruthless dictator type lawyers Alex C all right yeah I mean just picture it windmills and solar panels strewn across the countryside courtesy of our sustainable energy engineer great van Dijk children studying for mr. Quiros next big math exam and of course evidence of Kevin solid beautiful wood working student house multiple houses be considered panic of course tourists and locals alike will gather from far and wide to see pickins best street performing mine Joey Davies her own applause I mean I'm slightly excited to get pulled over by officers Riley Colbert Hambridge backup energy metering that's going to be a good time and Lizzie Evans and Todd bleak we are going to sell drugs in their pharmacies jiggly pharmacist you see this this is not goodbye this is see you in two to ten years when I'm significantly smarter wealthier funnier and more handsome than I am right now no honestly though I may not be the most qualified student to be up here I mean I'm not as smart as Ben O'Brien and I'm not as deceptively handsome as Gerry field but since I did find my way up here I might as well take this opportunity to share with you some words of wisdom but if you mean a little push in times of trouble there's two years ago on August 16 2008 when a wise man once turned my world upside down between sips of Ryan water before it was he that are laid unto me the most inspirational deep meaningful and encouraging words I've ever had the pleasure of processing in my frontal stre below the man you may ask was a man by the name of Bobby Ho and it is a great honor and great respect that I relayed his fateful words on to you passes 10 you can't use a rope to push a car uphill you can't I've tried I mean take from it what you may but but I think bobby was trying to tell me was when that life gets tough just take a minute now pause and then untie the rope walk around the damn car tied to the front and Pope you see I pull your way through adversity poor posture graded fears pull in everything life has to offer and hope pork sandwich but seriously just remember what Bobby said and that's get out from behind the car and pull yourself for every open door and when life knocks you down you pull yourself right back up class of 10 thanks I'll see you at the Reunion

Channel: Henry Goddard

Views: 1,328,432

Rating: 4.9207621 out of 5

Keywords: Valedictorian, Speech, Address, Valedictory Address, Valedictorian Speech, Funny Speech, Humorous, Roast

Id: HEWCTNjUmE4

Length: 9min 16sec (556 seconds)

Published: Sun Jul 04 2010