France Week - All 5 Days Included, Except For Minor Boring Parts - In Chronological Order [720p]

ready uno dos uno dos tres cuatro [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] and also we knew [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] I saw a man we Navy [Music] damas on [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] the Late Late Show object Craig Ferguson in Paris [Music] anyway it's okay you can always sleep through what tomorrow hi tomorrow's just your future yesterday [Music] you'll see [Music] damn thanks a lot everybody thanks a lot completely fake audience that isn't really there just like when we do the show in California welcome to the sambar welcome to Paris France I am your host TVs Craig Ferguson it's a great day for America everybody it's a great day for us because we made it here to Paris with the tiny amount of money we had we we spent it on some coach air fares and one classroom but we made it we don't have a studio we don't have any lighting but that never stopped us in America and it's not gonna stop us here we're gonna have this thing ready and double-quick European comedy time [Music] let's take a short break and enjoy some Michael Caine in space in Paris whenever I make a French girl I'll kiss her on both cheeks then I stand up and say aloud I'd say what I did the whole that's the good stuff and now we return you to our regularly scheduled program get busy watching or get busy sleeping welcome back everybody welcome back to the show here in Paris France for the week the our first guest this week were very lucky to have her she's one of the most beautiful and talented French actresses working today she's she is incandescent she is everything that people think about in Paris please welcome the very beautiful and talented Kristen Bell everybody Kristen Bell [Music] welcome Kristin you look very French thank you hey nice to see you look their yard got your coffee stuff it's fantastic you having a nice time in Paris it didn't you lived here I don't I don't but what a scene that's nice yeah that's very nice I always thought you should come to Paris and do a show yeah well I'm very glad that I came do you spend a lot of time here have you been here before I don't I've never been here no but I've been thinking about Kristen bill I can't stand her you know what you look like to me Kristen Bell with your French had in your cheap shoes you look like a rube we'll script a sling rube with little taste there people are walking their dogs here then it's an off-leash park there's a nice dog show that dog won't see [ __ ] come on see if I come over to he's camera-shy yeah he just does ever wants to be on a bear show no we have to take a break we'll be right back we're in Paris with Kristen Bell and a lovely dog and Jeff Peterson and the back leg didn't bite the dogs is pee on me do it again [Music] [Music] on the bus what are you staring at bill why don't ye u-turn so tense all the time listen I'll stop it I'm taking everybody we'll go home right now I'll take us all right now right now don't make me come back there I need to go to the bath you can't actually go to the bathroom I'm programmed to have to pee oh you're know you're lying to me you know you don't even liquid I know he's touching you he's trying to make friends I extend my bony hand is a son piece come on there it's not nice don't you touch me you hear that bill it's that time again time for emails let's do it welcome back to the show everybody it's time to do the email segment you want to do an email this is my friend Sylvia's gonna help me with the emails all right what we do all right what we do is we accept emails from all over the United States and the rest of the world and then we help people anonymous don't learn that no they are not an unknown okay that's from Joe where this is from John and well read that out John in sunlight or late in Kansas all right and George says hi Craig and Sylvia and Jeff have you met Jeff I don't wanna meet very sensitive he's crazy but you mustn't lemon Timothy he's actually adorable aren't ya I am Z all right says hi Cragen's Ovi Jeff I've been dating a guy for about a month and he's a genuinely good guy but he has significant body odor do I break it off or do I tell him that he stinks yeah break it off wait a minute so you live and work in France but yet you wouldn't date someone who has you're in the wrong damn town all right let's serve from a manual in Lyon and okay all right then you ready hi Craig anchovy New York City has the bagel but we have the quoi song if you had to pick one which would you choose bagel or croissant bagel cross our vehicle crush it and mix it the to pass half you can get that I think we should make it are you suggesting we get into business together what's a bagel questo we have to give it a name that combines the word bagel and come on so no you can't say a bagel class on Jeff bag heads bad guy doesn't make sense they already have baguette baguette I don't think I get what I used to be in the business I think I think he would be a very good mascot I think people would love to say come down and try our bagel koala fall sick I think that'd be awesome alright alright this is I'm sorry for listening we'll pick these up later or we'll get the horse to do it have you met alright then who's that at the door oh it's Secretariat oh the music doesn't stop what [Music] look she's sniffing she's sniffing mrs. big furry probe thing I want to well you wonder what you want to sniff mrs. Pro yeah no you can't--no right now this is from Wendy in Santa Fe New Mexico have you ever been to Santa Fe New Mexico come into America yeah new york new york yes got it Cisco yes you've been a San Francisco I got a place there he's got a little place that asked you and it's not awkward moment it's awkward pause and you gonna wait til I ask you for it she brings a dog on and then she said we didn't rehearse the dance my secretary like we rehearse are you kidding me I know it's like working with Barbara Streisand that would be a dream though innit all right Wendy in Santa Fe New Mexico says Craig our baby daughter is teething and won't stop crying is it true a little liquor will ease the pain for us both giving a baby out I went over there right now yeah no you must never give a baby alcohol CBS cares right Jeff CBS q CBS k okay all right this is from Claude in Bruges no Claude I do I look at you a question it does Claude in Bruges does he wear he's very famous is he yeah okay oh thanks thanks you reminded me I'm a man all right how do I convince my wife that sex in a public place is a good idea would you comment did you ever do that good you would yes all right you can tell me would you ever do that never but I I have witnessed some customers at the bookshop do you know people had six in there I mean I should probably shouldn't be no you know well you know I've heard stories I maybe haven't seen you've seen it you've seen it don't give Jeff any ideas would you have sex in a public place quoth the Raven bulls yeah very literally thanks very much that's really impressive this is from Monroe in France produce and wine in France says Craig if you could take one thing from France back to the US what would it be all right one more name we go to we gotta go this is from Zhang and Marseille in France he says Bonjour Craig if you could meet one famous French historical figure who would it be oh well let you first well I have to say I think for me you're gonna say Napoleon no not at all I wouldn't have not at all interesting meeting the politician no I think actually maybe Victor Hugo fabulous beard Andy at two families Victor Hugo did you know that yes he was a bit of a rascal did you know that by Victor Hugo I do yeah Hunchback of Notre Dame family and their layers miserable Oh family yeah yeah never mind we're out of time so if we have to choose an awkward pause or mouth organ you want a Mozart good sounds good yeah sounds good to me yeah well there's yours all right no no I can't I really can't play well that's all right now look in anyone else it's fine you're amongst friends take the organ out and give it a blow and what about you go on and die Jeff Jeff will plays well what's that right I will do one two three we meet wait wait calm like you then be there Jeff you ready all right all right go we're back everybody we'll be right back see what Reviva list of application shall share share was there was only one four people say see you play only on one [Music] bonsoir Masami he desired aqua Letarte please mix Lea Michele you're a real cop de Triomphe ha ha ha dear how do you know when you are really in love well your heart beat escalates your palms start to sweat you feel all woozy oh that's also when shrooms kick in [Music] who's the question again my hands have turned into candy look at that Oh the Eiffel Tower is named after the guy who designed it Bruce tower No Gustov he fell he only at the pyramid to keep it up for 20 years but the French let it stay and now it'll be here forever like Jay Leno on The Tonight Show that the main reason the Eiffel Tower was allowed to stay up is that somebody realized it's a great place to put radio towers and that's what it's used for today radio so all of France gets crystal-clear radio reception to hear great French rock bands like ha the terrorists nickname is madame de faire which is the Iron Lady coincidentally also the nickname of former UK Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher to those waiting with bated breath the cold heart of the Iron Lady - but the eiffel tower and Margaret Thatcher very different of course one's had thousands of men climbing all over it since the eighteen hundreds and the other one as the Eiffel Tower in 2008 there was an American woman who was obsessed with the Eiffel Tower she came here to marry the tower which is ridiculous you can't go around marrying inanimate objects but if you can I'll take Big Ben and I don't mean the clock I said clock come on you know that the tower just turned up she's not fixed on the ground what if move Zara yes she's shaking she's she swears all their own due to the width but just a little thank you to the Sun the Sun all the expansion of the metal the metal will expand and contract if you see at the end of the Jack there is a trolley they're having use a wheel now you have green engine a hydraulic engine right there on it that's a very long shot yes here 12 meters down well here comes here comes here comes yeah it's pretty cool I never thought I was afraid of face but right now is this elevators claiming enough but I'm talking to you I just put my pants oh I think in a moment it's a little unnerving actually yeah it's when I hold on Tana thank you for safety good idea after you yeah see this is so it's it's very nice isn't it I feel elegant when I'm here do you look elegant Thank You Craig what a spit yeah all right spit whoa all right make it a good one no I'm not doing either nicely spent I had my glance back lines removed too during the war look at these little apartments right here oh they're just regular sized apartments we're just too far away from theirs so small let's see these people over there that are playing soccer they're actually regular-sized people it's just where we are very far away you would think that we were about 20 through up and they were midgets but we're actually much farther up and they're regular-sized people I'm not buying it it's the trick of perspective you can't get that many midgets in a soccer team I've tried do you see I think take a look [Music] the horse gets everywhere that horse gets around [Music] it's beautiful it's one of the most romantic sports on earth beautiful [Music] you know it's kind of interesting because you know we're here and you know my wife isn't here and Dax is not here but but we are you know this romantic [Music] to be my answer [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] welcome back everybody at this point you're probably asking yourself how did a crappy low-budget show like this end up in Paris where hell that's easy through discount travel and the narrowly averted international incident someone tweeted me on the Twitter that a clip of the show that they saw in France it's a French talk show and that's why I looked at it and I'm like don't steal from this show that's like taking pants from our oboe [Music] Baltimore Avenue what's doing I'm doing the show no you're doing my show you're coping me now ridiculous charming bastard you just cheered me I'm not even getting that do you I would like to invite you to a show in France this could be the start of beautiful friendship [Music] [Applause] [Music] welcome back to the show everybody my guest at the moment is my friend art or shocked by why you called art or or Jack because when I started my career on Ray on a radio station there were already a guy named Jack so I said you have to choose another name and in France every year we're choosing a name for dogs we ABCD it was the name of a they say oh she's a name with a so I say Arthur the jet yeah your favorite friends no III think you're famous in France we're getting onto the auto route now yeah yeah that's nice we are taking it from so listen you were on you were on my show and in America yeah and I and I did a your show here yeah used turned on as I am do you think this is a huge difference between what we do I think it's exactly the sensing but for legal reasons no exactly the same thing sorry for legal reasons not exactly say hey you don't like to cuss on your show you you can actually say cuss words on your show yeah everyone's yeah well there are no words that you can't say now the only words we can say our Facebook or Twitter why can't you say Facebook Paterno's it aside the the the the French FCC told us you can't say Facebook and Twitter that's why we can say what's on average as we want but we can say Twitter you can't you can say what is much you want to tell or charmingly French right by sexy accent yeah whenever you went to a tunnel yeah do you ever get scared it depends it depends on the web scared overburdened the tunnel as a tunnel told the Holland Tunnel [Music] like I can think of it like the waters gonna come into me this is one of the most beautiful tunnels run we're very proud of that today is the nicest tunnel Americans people come from all over the world to see this [Music] she's pretty high right now so no oh oh look look there's the Eiffel Tower later very nice thank you for this descent rules and clue at the end of the tunnel the tunnel and the beginning of Paris ah this is the beginning of Paris yes oh this is great another tunnel yes all right let's go all right this is one as I'm due to nerve center ooh tunnel the tunnels of Paris now this tunnel is a little bit different than the other dalla he's shorter shorter but it's louder yeah ah there you are you see the end of the tunnel that's two tunnels we did yeah do you ever go do you ever go to the you know the funfair yeah and you go into the the tunnel of love you know with the tunnel of lovers yeah you ever go in there with girls to your French accent I love the the tunnel of love but in France is it doesn't mean the same thing the tunnel of love it's it's a tunnel of love but doesn't mean a sense does it mean is that something to do on some you've got to $10 flow all right yeah I get no I got it yeah I don't know you're alright you're okay you're all right we'll be right back after these messages and is time for Sean Connery's Parisian memories [Laughter] my favorite dropped apart was the time I went drunk bungee jumping off the Eiffel Tower well although she was jumping us falling a thousand feet I survived by landing on a mine sure the way you can see it was a public shellfish that was Sean Connery's Parisian memories died love that guy and now Kristen and Craig enjoy dinner with a French movie star you two work together before didn't you we did what did you do what did couples retreat in Bora Bora oh yeah John and his diving instructor from the big blue took us down at to swim and with lemon sharks and reef sharks and it was amazing did you Jon Favreau Vince Vogon you know we went to do to Bora Bora and I had a phone call from a guy who was the chief diver from the big blue that's very amazing and he was living there and he had a club kind of a club to die for for the tourists and I said to him can we have a boat and then we will take I mean the masks the actors and actresses to come and and then we go with the sharks but I didn't say to them you didn't tell them they were going with the sharks no um that yeah pissed me off a little bit if I was down there really I have no fear when it comes I've never been attacked by anything so I don't consider it a possibility kind of like fires in Los Angeles I would watch the fires in Los Angeles from my balcony at the house and I would just say this is not real it doesn't actually exist I know but I don't know I don't know how to have a fear about it but the Sharks were down there and it was it was wonderful I mean they were as close as you and I I know but I've done I did the shark diving in the Bahamas you loved it I did like it I was amazed did you know this about sharks that in many species of shark the the male of the species has two penises - you really two penises is a penises or peanut Pinay I've never used the plural No hey but I I in the in sharks they have two penises in case they want to have some kind of sex party or something though they have to is there's obviously an evolutionary reason for it they they I guess in case one fails they I knew for doing for the teeth in order to do the truth they have the teeth go three ranks no there are few animals that they have they change the teeth of all they're all their life and the Sharks they change their teeth when they lose one teeth another one comes yes didn't you get start tagging about a month and a half ago and we pulled up a big tiger shark onto the boat and I mean it was like eight and a half feet long and you have to sit on her and you have to do it all at under three minutes you know it was hard because it was they said is a fantastic animal yeah well one of the greatest naturalist or greatest underwater explorers ever was of course the Frenchman Jacques Cousteau her crew used to come to this restaurant with the the red the red ha he used to always wear red ha watch the shows when I was a kid and he would always no matter where they went in the world they would they be on the Calypso was the boat yes and Jacques Cousteau the crew would always make friends with a local author even even if there weren't authors around if they were in a place where there were no otters they would say the crew have befriended an otter owners are so cute but I heard they're kind of mean like ostriches aren't they kind of nasty our ostrich is nice - have you ever met a nice ostrich I know I may any horses at all actually I don't I don't know Anthony boat oysters I think they're nasty they're like like feathery land sharks I don't want to gossip but I've heard them are you very fascinated by the natural world then do you go diving here i'm passioned bye bye Lucy regretted this he for Miss Liberty this is my soul this is a soul of humanity when you look at the sea it gives you a sentiment I mean an impression of big you know it's how it can do anything and at the same time it can return to my mother I can return to my past I don't know the movement of the seeds sound the smell everything from this is fantastic for me Wow yeah because I was well you Casablanca so in front of the ocean so when you go in front of the ocean it's like my goodness I'm so little I'm just a little you you from there yeah I was born in Casablanca I didn't know that ya know a lot of Frenchmen I've met on this trip have are from Morocco a lot of a lot of people come up from from Africa yes my father my mother we're from south of Spain yeah Andalusian yeah you know the flamenco Turin yeah hide where they make the very big bill fighting bulls in Andalusia exactly and then they move cause of cause of the poverty and cause of the war they were Republican and at that time you had a dictator Franco oh yeah voila he moved from south of Spain to Morocco and then I was born there and my sister also you ever been in Morocco avid Morocco so it's very nice very sweet country very sweet people there is a huge French most people speak French there I completely yeah completely and they had to and when I was born they had two American bases there just after the Second World War you had two big American bases then in Morocco in Morocco yes well is that where you learned to speak English then was in from from the Americans then no I learned to speak English for the big blue because the big blue was shot in English so they they said to me you have to speak English and you have to make people to understand you Oh otherwise otherwise you don't get the job you're gonna doubt you are we gonna look yeah like they do for me on the show Wow oh yeah they do oh my goodness that was frightening he's dead it though you're good at it thank you well we have to take a break we ever take a break we'll be we'll be right back to the Late Late Show Aparri Lily well a Late Late Show you're a real French you're a frog what what what's it you want to practice in my truck what's this what's this ready cool [Music] a few things I got to take care of before we all get to bed so uh come on little fella come on come on let's tip you down here see if we can get you to drink all right you having a nice time good just nod notice find one do a little dance baby daddy daddy daddy do you think that you called here [Music] you know it all seems like a dream Paris doesn't it it really does yeah yeah what was your favorite part of the show that we've just done cuz you know the whole thing about going to Paris is that we have to do the whole show there then we come back here for the end of the show and we have to go back to Paris tomorrow to do another show all this traveling is getting the better of me is all right for you you just unplug yourself put yourself in that suitcase but I I have got to sit coach next to the bathroom all the way to Paris and some of these people traveling to Paris are from France and they thought to the bathroom man did you have a bad call phone this morning all right what did you like the most about parson well I particularly enjoyed the bookstore I liked the bookstore - I thought was surprised that you liked it though because there were no outlets in which you could actually plug yourself in - in there good boy yeah did you like it because there were the types of books you like to read in that book store really and what books do you like to read Jeff classic books like The Iliad oh you like to read The Iliad sure tell me what the Iliad is about that general there's this Iliad thing these guys have to go on a long trip and find it you know man it's Ocean's eleven you're talking about you bested me Ferguson no no no I I enjoyed the book story enjoyed the people there that lady was very attractive wasn't she she was smoking hot I mean and that's coming from you a gay robot mama she's very attractive woman I think she got it liked me I think she did too Greg we're a very learned gentleman she too is a very learn it lady well you know what's interesting I think she liked me when she saw that I was reading The Iliad yeah that's right I know how to attract the clever lady's read clever books in front of them that's why you should always take your para buck to Starbucks and pretend you're writing a script women are often fooled by such behavior or maybe they're not sometimes you make a lot of sense sometimes you make a lot of sense did you learn to speak any French menu over there a little yeah okay let's hear it that's spectacular well we better get going we have to get back to France for tomorrow night's big French show big it [Music] [Applause] hey everybody I wanna do I'm here in Paris France and where the naked ladies dance but I ain't seen no naked ladies but I have seen some ladies walking around with big meaty legs and I see their big meaty legs and I makes my teeth feel like bad you know and I have to restrain myself because I want to go around by their meaty legs I think why do I wanna do that what is inside me that makes me want to go up to a lady and bite her legs and then I remember I'm a meat-eater man that's what I do so I'm gonna down to the river's even find a fish yeah like my hat you better say yeah it's cool and that Berets are cool that was a few see that bird go by there if I'd been quicker if I was a younger man how to cut that bird too old now oh yeah it smells like pee around here well it does now [Music] [Applause] [Music] great day for America everybody at a beautiful day here in France I am by the majestic Cathedral of Notre Dame or as we say in America Notre Dame Notre Dame Notre Dame tomato tomato I do know this so if you live in South Bend Indiana the home of the Fighting Irish and you say North Rodham you will get your ass kicked the full name of the Cathedral is not redonda Perry which means Our Lady of Paris a title I would like to have myself one day I know what you're thinking Craig you're standing on a rickety chair next to a pointy iron fence that is dangerous why would you do that well I admit it is dangerous but not as dangerous is filming inside that Park without a pyramid which we'd have to do and we don't have a pyramid and there's a fringe Jean down over there giving us the stink I can't even show you a picture and we don't have a pyramid and they come they take the thing out your camera have you sure a picture of the shown down however do we have a picture of a French gendarme yeah there you are anyway this notre dam is the finest example of French Gothic architecture French Goths come here and then they go and show up at the Hot Topic it's very tough to be a goth in France you know I'm very sad that that's smoke like yes big deal so does everyone else construction began on the Cathedral in 1163 and it was completed in 1345 and actually if you listen and look around there's still some going on look you'll have to go away I don't want you to film me trying to get off this rickety chair next to this fence all right you can't film a but state go over there look over there from Ana and I'm down with the Amazing Grace of a young gazelle Nostradamus famous for its gargoyles now gargoyle is a grotesque figure that scares away evil spirits we have the same thing in America we call it Randy Quaid watching for the lamppost go around this way there ya know around that way you're good at lampposts there oh look we made it a lot of people don't know that gargoyles are a relatively modern invention they were installed in the 19th century and they weren't put in to scare away evil spirits they were put in to scare away mimes a lot of people associate nor to dom with the Hunchback you know from the Hunchback of Notre down so if you ever visit here be sure to walk around like this the locals love it when you do that they're like oh look at that guy's another one he never gets old but if you've never read the literary masterpiece that is the hunchback of notre dam actually I think it's called notre-dame de Paris anyway if you've never read Victor Hugo's masterpiece then you've got something in common with me Victor Hugo was a great French writer he also wrote Les Miserables not to be confused with Les Miserables which is a movie I saw about huffy lesbians Oh more vagina but so much to see here at Norton I'm not a dam I haven't even mentioned you know the organ it's considered a great order to be in charge of the organ in there the person in charge of it is called the titular organist but unfortunately I can't think of anything funny to see about a titular organist [Music] the bus did you do the language tapes before you go here we all right nice yeah I'll try a couple out on okay try the French Oh me let go okay I'll try the French on okay now try the French language on me is what I'm saying boom soir bon soir that means good you said boom you did it again you got me again alright I'll do one more alright that funami onami yeah that's the make sense bone Holt Botong bone huh Oh phone homie yeah yeah yeah bone home that means bone man that be both [Laughter] [Music] [Music] and now is time for Sean Connery's Parisian memories [Music] there's something very romantic about a drive through the French countryside then again any drivers romantic when you have a trunk full of hookers that was Sean Connery's Parisian memories I love that guy do you hear that bill is that time again time for emails in question farm let's do it [Applause] [Music] welcome back to Paris France where we're about to see the naked lady starts oh no no no I wish my friend Sylvia later bookstore Shakespeare and coke right right right where well you can if you're in Paris you can get a book in English in English and you can have sex in the store oh sorry I just added that bit myself you can sleep you can stuff they sleep in the store but no sex alright now you speak pretty good French right okay all right well we're gonna have people come forward and then you're gonna have to at the end of the segment all right I think jerk please sit down tada what's your name Illya Illya are you from France no we're in Minnesota Minnesota have you been in Sylvie not yeah we were just about to and then that you're blocking us stole the jewels are going down we need to talk about this well what would you like on the pendant get it he's gonna work at the till later the songwriter I have to work here for two hours and then I can have sex in the store I know it's a joke get kind of sex in the store what are you doing in Paris oh we're just occasionally meeting my mom and you come down here to pick up a book yeah and what kind of boss are you looking for I don't know yet really you're just gonna brother I'm just gonna look around yeah what what kind of things you like you like mysteries to like do you enjoy the crime novels or you look at crime no crime alright well so Jeff a question yeah all of you guys even Jeff okay who do you think is more prude the French or the Americans cruise I this is gonna surprise you oh why I said will you go first the American definitely the American I disagree I think the French I think is it no I think it's all an act on uh you know needs many dinner parties here while potty no one's invited me to any who do you think me man really are you so hot since you've come here have you become very wanton and promiscuous well oh very attractive young lady there you are hello young lady nice to meet you please sit down all right then what's your name I'm Maddy doon Maddy do that yeah hi dad hi baby are you having a nice day in Paris yes do you want to stay here I would love to stay here you can sleep in the butcher yeah I heard that you can if you write like that you can work on you step one guy said seven years we had to give the mountains a wild for you have to go we do you want to stay for the awkward pose or mouth organ alright so awkward pose a mother okay that okra poison much money Tata's tomorrow you guys are good at upward force you want to try the most difficult awkward pose of all smell my finger awkward pause right just put your finger here smell your own finger awkwardly if you just you can raise his armor I tease them with the oversight it's my favorite oh right we'll be right back everybody we'll be right back saver like you see what evil esophagus [Music] they are part only wonderful say see who play on they desire [Applause] it's meant to be under the sea shut up who's yours I I command or as my friends and france call me fish can't talk ah who the first letter Thank You Juliet what an attractive beret I love how the woman here go topless this one says dear M de quoi which is what they call me here in France the French ocean day this one dear M de quoi what is the best part about living in the ocean well that's easy have you ever heard of booyah base the fresh fish you will ground you it's all free I'm living inside stew it's not that good we're back everyone and I'm here shopping in Paris with my friend Eddie and Kristen is here as well very nice I know Eddie you've worked in Paris a la haven't you did you design this square well we made this right I put this up last year we cut through here this was a big church I mean that would cut through here and put up some really distressed looking walls it looks very real and the French people really take you there must be very grateful for your architectural work that you do they do like like the painting and stuff you do you ever buy these do you have a place here there I am staying the place at the moment cuz I'm doing my gigs here because I'm insane no you do you just stand up infringement spectacular on false ASC say blue fazil the fellows principle I think the whole world should be a big melting pot like Manhattan a massive Manhattan this is my this is my simple idea for the future of the world the whole world should be like Manhattan yeah what about the PV smell I'm worried about the pee pee smell goes with it goes with the world if everyone's working in different languages in different countries then we all get to know each other better so it's the separation I disagree with it's D it's the crossing over and you don't become marginalized we'll don't all become the same you just go and yeah I'm gonna do it in French and want to do it in German Russian and Arabic and I was born in an Arabic country cultured he's very cultured this is not you well that you're just drunk yes the guys here do the paintings they they're very good though no I like that this is nice this is this was original this was outside this is Montmartre as this big lumpy Hill as you can see because Paris is kind of flat ish and then there's this lump of a hill my martyr they got the sacre-coeur ver there this big church ep this was where all the artists could hang out it was outside Paris and the road at the bottom root began down there that was all the sex thing that because it was like that's for your theater is in the sex area I know are you doing anything sexy on your show are you doing it well I think people do come in thinking they're buying tickets for some sort of section and then I try and persuade them that I'm not below check average that this camera just everywhere there's 500 comedy shows and 9 500 goes up to 800 do you see in it my French is just at the level way I can understand most of it but not the punish lines thing is a French sense of humor that is there a different sense ear because I was very confused now the big theories on this all right there is no difference in sense of humor in the world really yeah but broadly and I can prove this to portly there's a there's a mainstream sense of humor in every country every developed country developing countries just can't you know they can't afford to live so so we just gotta take the developed countries so the mainstream sense of humor and then there's an alternative sense of humor that's so and it's like fits like music REM is about an alternative band they'll play to a more alternative music audience in every developed country in France in Germany in America right and then there's a more mainstream bands then they'll pay for more mainstream audience and like humor like Monty Python has its own alters like Jay Leno and then there's Dave yeah so Dave was more alternative a moral to the alternative audiences in France will pick up on him and in Germany and some French kids just told me yes they're the first this is the first generation now who actually want to listen to the stuff in English films in English with subtitles as opposed to dub because they want to get the real what's coming through so they're actually downloading stuff which they shouldn't be downloading just to get the real stuff because it and these are guys are running yeah right you your final what Martha's he still doing it yeah I'm gonna do more yeah whooping those guys know were those curves yeah you got specifically not with those berries they're there but they're not going fast enough no they don't go first yeah I bet some money look you want to get some postcards over here wanna get there's a Picasso cat you know that's that's not enough the Castlewood messed up the cats Oh big cats cats oh okay good so that's nice I'm gonna have one of those there's maybe some photos it there's a danger were there well this Lucia is the parish add to some poor a snow globe Wow yes look a snow globe with dancing her back your iPhone oh actually I do quite like that a tiny mug get that tiny mug for your desk that says Parris oh I should get it from my for the guests cuz I've got the snake parents your thing that's pass on them I'm gonna get the the cup and maybe the Happy Days car be flower well let's let's get that then Kristen yeah I'm giving you the money go inside and get the stuff for now uh talk to Eddie about man stuff she's lovely [Music] you make my eyes or like sparkly like like rainbow swirls that'd be great like sherbet my eye so they played the Hollywood Bowl then you say yeah Paris 140 seats a Hollywood Bowl 17,000 Caesar and I thought good era for both really it's like it's like go up this way this looks very nice little Parisian Street Blake is uh I've been blues Kristen Kersten forgot out this way [Music] glad you didn't see this with Kristin's around she's a vegetarian come on up no but I mean she couldn't been a vegetarian she could have been a vegetarian you're a vegetarian we were talking about before I'm still that caveman yeah and with it there must've been some people just gatherers there saying I'm not gonna have anything I'm just gonna gather baby that was me for sure that was good do you think so I mean but why do humans then have that sharp pulling teeth these are not sharp teeth think of it in the context of really sharp teeth like a Tyrannosaurus Rex this is nothing this is child I think you could fill about me okay I think you can't a little bit okay it's my interesting thing I've got because I don't believe in God but if why didn't God make everything vegetarian if there is a God guys because I think it's random I guess think we're just here right but which is but I mean spiritually but if there wasn't go why does he make everything from star vegetarian because then we'd all just eat plants and plastic and then no one would actually know about killing at all except for when you've done that very well what if you just ate parts of animals like if you take if you make everyone so then we didn't even know how to kill right then that would have worked a lot better I was God I do that I'd also get rid of Putin P because why do we have waste products well I'm just eat stuff and carry on the way process caused so many diseases there's so many things you can do if you were gone but if there is no evil you can't celebrate the good like if you don't know what it's like to feel pain then you're not as excited you can't really have a good but no I'm just saying take all that out you can still have pain in and then you can have rotten cabbages you know if Caroline if cavities or oh it's all for are the great cabbages of arrived what a wonderful day we're saying with no yeah I guess I'm killing you got love you got sex you've got creation of things you've got loads of stuff you can do as a vegetarian there's a long non carnival are you vegetarian no I say but it's just an interesting talk ya know it is interesting so there is C and this is proof why we should have come to Paris because I don't know if we would have had that same discussion in the studio no and also this it's see everyone's dead now this like this is actually a film set I'm only here let's take a short break and enjoy some Michael Caine in space in Paris the supplies and France where the naked ladies dance it's cold my apartment the whole that's the good stuff and now we return you to our regularly scheduled program get busy watching or get busy sleeping I was walking through the streets of Paris when I met Rafa Rafael yes correct Rafael came and gave me his card and said the next time you're having magic week can I be on it and I said can you be on it Rafael you can be on it now if you can do magic and you're a fear yes and that's why I appeared in beautiful Paris alright so we're gonna do some magic but I need some borrow some money please I'll have it back I hope so okay I didn't share was any good 10 euros alrighty you hold it in your hands I won't touch it because otherwise people think I'll do something funny and you tear it in half yes thank you turn in half in your mind so you just pretend to tear it but oh no I didn't I tore enough you have 20 euros now tada no it's a Paris we have some fun ok I'll do it don't worry it's only an illusion it's not an illusion you're tearing this better work well that's my money I give you the receipt the piece with that number alrighty are you holding in a fist now I need to borrow a lighter who wants a lighter here it's France there's gonna be a ton of people with layers oh thank you very much sir thank you operation D now I think little piece and you Bernie you make it up a little bit and lops the money is gone but looked a very open your fist and show everybody the restored fan euros no look it's the same one man it's it's the your you're actually just the type of magician that we usually have on the show you'll be perfect it's a terrible trick not to worry do you have another ten euro no I don't have another ten euro I have an idea show you something for you ten euros you can ever excuse it much cheaper Congress huh I have some fruits fruits for everybody you're just a lunatic out here you're not a position that's all it would take weeks very much we take an orange trunk oh you can't do that man don't take after us afterwards watch we open it you can see all sides and if we open it inside is a bill you take it out yourself all right or only please whoa whoa whoa and there is a piece missing ladies and gentlemen please see the is correct also wait there's a number we tear this around yeah you five five two five three five four eight that was amazing [Music] the bus right Sean Connery and Morgan Freeman here and going with the wind okay good right right but what am I going to do what am I going to do who'll take damage me know that my hosier's book - the globe that everybody's gone frankly scarlet I don't give a damn let's take a short break and enjoy some Michael Caine in space in Paris fum fum fum foe pedo pedo stupid okay won't poke poke dupa dupa dope dope yeah same show so don't LeFleur show songs don't apply doo doo doo doo doo we're just guessing why some whiskey the hole that's the good stuff and now we return you to our regularly scheduled program get busy watching or get busy sleeping and now Kristen and Craig enjoy dinner with a French movie star we have anchovy sauce and you don't have an to be sauce because you're some kind of hippie that doesn't eat fish why is his wife oh yeah because he's a real artist who are we talking about it we know these Martine Oh Steve mark littell Steve Steve T all right Steve Martin doesn't watch this show yes he told me about you oh you did no yes you you're a now listen I forgot you actually you have you grew olives here right yes do you ever sell any of your olives to this restaurant no because I mean I'm not making I'm not making money with my olive oil um just for my friends yeah and my family but you're in France so I will give you yeah I'd like to try it of course you do you ever that kind of feel that when you're when you're in the United States do you ever feel very official water do you feel very very because sometimes when I'm in Paris well in France I feel so early and I don't understand what's going on you seem to be very comfortable when you're in the u.s. of course the first of all my my my wife is English and second of all I've been travelling now for more than 20 years right so I have a lot of friends there in America yeah in America and and by the way I like Americans I like the way they think I like the way they act I like the way they are alright like also the movie business in America of course they're very good and I like I'm an actor I like to be an actor so I like to be in America is there any feeling amongst French actors because you're very successful in America and you're seen as a you know also is working in America as well as in France is there any kind of maybe bitterness is too strong award but any kind of resentment about leaving France to go and work abroad yeah because they do not understand because they do not want to speak another language that's the problem as you as you know I was born in Morocco my parents were Spanish my passport was French exoteric cetera then I I met English people and I moved to America then I moved to Japan so I have I consider myself as a bridge because I like to be with people yeah it is my destiny but I understand also people saying I don't want to move that's my place it was the place of my father Alamo no I don't wanna move I was born here I want to die here I understand that also but my destiny my personal destiny it is to move so how can I say I do not like you because you speak Korean or because you speak Italian or whatever no no I move and ah you are here maybe we can do something together that's that's my life so you're saying that it do you think that it's healthier for people to travel than to not travel of course right I recommend I recommend you have a passport and move you know that so many Americans don't have passports do you know that what yeah it's true that there's a very large percentage of Americans don't actually I mean they're entitled to them please don't ever leave America well I just think that because I became an American um when I was like 42 or something got my tattoo and everything um you don't have to get a tattoo if you want to be American if you it's not compulsory yeah because I'm afraid about that you'd never have attached oh no come on you it's like why I'm gonna change my body well you change your body if you eat enough for hours no no a little bit yeah a little bit but you know when people when you get a tattoo and people say it's gonna look bad when you're 70 and I think well I'm gonna look bad when I'm 70 so it'll fit right in you more rock and roll than I am no I don't know I think you're quite rock and roll you don't mean this been born in Africa and then traveling the world that that's kind of glamorous and wrong answer your question yes some French actors they said you work in America Wow yeah like that all right yeah exactly [Music] I'd like you to meet the Legree a family from Louisiana what's your name again sorry Kyra Kyra and Chuck Chuck Chuck San American and you are leaving labor and Pete yeah and you guys have been even in Europe for how long well we go home on the 19th and that'll make 21 days so we're working on guest level 16 and you got all of that time in Paris no no we started off on a Disney cruise Disney oh I've never heard of them they're an American organization I think so I think Florida maybe all right so what do you do when you're back in Louisiana my contract yeah things are going pretty good though right yeah okay so what did we learn today in France everybody and anything that we learn today in Paris what did you learn today things are overpriced things are overpriced [Music] we we would like to apologize to certain members of our cast who did not make it to Paris for the Parisian shows namely [Music] we should name again little guy TJ TJ okay TJ the leprechaun and Aqualad now Jeff can you explain to them why they didn't come with us to pass well I think in the case of aquileia it's pretty obvious as for you TJ why why is it obvious that Aqualad wasn't with us in Paris yeah oh yeah yeah that's right I knew there was something and also the washing gloves that he's wearing V hey these are made of polyunsaturated oils special yeah all right yeah we were right know what to take Aqualad but what about the leprechaun DJ apparently as we're now calling you apparently the French hate leprechauns they do apparently that it was for your own good TJ what happened was that we were doing some research and we looked up and they found that since Napoleon the French have been very upset that man of a small stature who are looking for a lot of gold if you know what I mean they're kind of like God now we remember last time and things did not go well so it was for your own good they may have attacked you with their sarcasm and ennui Thanks so what did we learn on the show tonight in Paris then Jeff if you remember well you and I have a good time we good time you know you should get a little place in Paris shouldn't you get a little place there and then you could you know so look I I know that thank you people are not meant to be here but I know that some of you at home are upset that we didn't take Aqualad and TJ to France I hope we will promise we'll take them tonight and they'll be on tomorrow night's show they won't good night everybody [Applause] [Music] hi there people often say to me Craig and I say I'm sorry I don't speak your language but there are hour-long kind of misconceptions and misunderstandings between the Americans and the French when it comes to you know different areas of life for example sex a lot lot of people think that the French are very loose and easy attitude about sex that there's a lot of sex around Paris and it's all very sexy nothing could be further from the truth it's not there's not a lot of sex around here at all it's very kind of shutting down it's mostly bicycling and bakeries this may look like a sex shop and it is but what they what they get in there is different we've done an American sex story where you would go and buy personal massage equipment here for two euros you can get zapping zapping I don't know what it is but it sounds pretty exciting and I'm gonna get something done and and also you a venti DVD that that means that's like you know how you go to Starbucks and you get a tall and a grande and a venti DVD are you doing all right yeah all right good well you know how you get a venti TV Aveda it's like a really big DVD now the language problem is you think well that's a big DVD I'm gonna get you know a lot of value for money but well actually venti DVD means something in the DVD is very big exactly that's what it is so you have to be careful when you hey hey so you have to be careful when you go into a sex store in Paris because if they might think that you want something different anyway you enjoy the products advertised I'm gonna go and have some zapping done the Late Late Show effect Craig Ferguson in Paris sponsored by Kia Motors and the 2012 Sorento crossover learn more at Kia calm [Music] [Music] anyway you can always sleep through what tomorrow [Music] was just your future [Music] yes [Music] [Applause] [Music] right it's a great day for America everybody it's another great day here in Paris I'm here at the famous art museum the Louvre the proper French pronunciation is kind of like the way you see Brett Favre vraa and just like Brett Favre resign the Louvre is packed with famous pictures of penises that's true the Louvre has more than 4,000 pieces of art that show parts of the naked body one art expert recently concluded that the Louvre has more depictions of bare breasts than any other museum in the world except perhaps the Clinton Library even the librarians of topless come early and come hungry the Mona Lisa is here of course actually it's very small the Mona Lisa it's just 30 by 20 inches then unfortunately it's kept behind bulletproof glass this is because a mad man threw some acid on it that's a pretty good saying you're a mad man if you wake up one day and say today I'm gonna choke some acid on a painting that'll get things bitter the amazing thing about the Mona Lisa though her eyes seem to follow you around the room I think that's understandable though she's in there going there's a madman coming in here with some acid I should talk to that she's Italian she'd be like it was so common ago the Mona Lisa is very mysterious paint no because historians can't even agree on who da Vinci painted one theory is it's a local noblewoman others think it's actually a self-portrait of da Vinci himself that's a woman I don't think that's true though seems like a lot therefore just to see what you'd look like as a woman the world of science is still struggling to unlock all of da Vinci's secrets that's why they made that movie The Da Vinci Code it caused quite a stir here as well because the Louvre gave them permission to film the movie inside the museum and they're usually very very tough we couldn't get permission to film here you saved the museum I'm not kidding right now we're just hoping that the cops don't show up but if they do show up I hope they're rough you know what I actually auditioned for that movie The Da Vinci Code not for the Tom Hanks role for a supporting role I remember it now remember it now are you looking for da Vinci cuz here's Mona I never leave home without that clip and I'm gonna sit here until this thing matches another very famous work of art at the Louvre is the Venus de Milo the statue of the topless lady whose arms fell off we gonna picture the Venus de Milo oh yeah yeah it's blacked out in case anyone thinks it's no artistic yeah get it yourself it's a very enigmatic piece the Venus de Milo though no one knows how her arms wear before they fell off most people think they were crossed like this but I think they were like yes I think oh the sun's come out the arms broke off the Venus de Milo hundreds of years ago and I don't know why everyone is so fascinated by something that's broken I've got an old Dell laptop that doesn't work at my house nobody's rushing over to see that I cost in France come this way come this way the pyramid over here in the center was built in the 1980s and it caused a lot of controversy when it first opened some people who we may call traditionalists thought that it detracted from the libras sublime French Baroque edifice but other people liked how the modern pyramid created a contrast with the older buildings these people are called tasteless morons what most people don't know is that the pyramid in the center contains exactly 666 panes of glass actually that's not true it's 673 in your face da Vinci Code ist's but it would be cool if there was 666 panes of glass I can make that happen somebody gives me a hammer I can do it right now one of them French kids they probably got one I like your hat yeah it certainly mean France I've been handled in France you know I don't care they're probably certain we support you and what you're doing American friend I know they love me she will trim evil esophagus de la Mer [Music] only while four people say see you play only on $1 it is time for love de quoi letter please before I changed my mind I never just they get a command you didn't usually have a French accent that's true and I still don't this letter says Saigon dear Aquaman my girlfriend and I want to experiment a little in the bedroom have you ever used a French tickler all the time his name is awkward gah song [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] Sophie don't Beck aqua Garcon Oh Paris city of love and now here's Craig with some tales of romance in Paris hey everybody this is a bridge in Paris called the pond disarms the that means in French bridge des Arts but what happens here is it's very interest and see all these padlocks behind me what people do is when they come to Paris to come to visit they write their names or their little story or who they are on their padlock and they lock on to the bridge and then when they come back 10 20 30 hours later they can check or year some of these padlocks have been up here since the 1950s or the 1940s and what I like to do when I'm here because I'm quite a sad person is that I like to come here and look at the what's written on the padlock and make up a little story for myself for example let me see this blue one here is isabelle and jean baptiste I think Isabelle and Jean Baptiste are a couple from Copenhagen and they came here on their second honeymoon after they sold their cheese shop and this was the night that the rediscovered their sexual attraction to each other after 40 years of marriage see what I mean it's fun right okay here's another one oh this is awesome Marian and Jeanette Marian and Jeanette were snowed in one day in their cabin in Sweden and they were stuck there for days and they were so bored they started to experiment sexually with each other it began with a pillow fight and ended with a make-out session I don't know if this is a padlock or something I read in penthouse but you get the idea right the idea is that this bridge is covered in hundreds and thousands of romantic stories that's nothing wrong with that we should let people know you're you backup dancers or no is singers dancers you saying and so for Jennifer Lopez right you guys are working here it's very exciting right through me some dancing quickly before we put locks on what you want to do I know come on now that's enough let's bring your lock on then let's go and we can film it happening you gonna put them out you put in one lock for all of you or is it one lock each one each alright then what did you write on your lock your name my mom and dad that's beautiful going then hook it up yeah gonna put it on what did you write on yours I think I think you should throw the Kenai River yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's right that's the I think you do on you go that's it it's done that says they're forever now that's fantastic I may cry hug me your nails are nice did you get them done in America yeah they don't have that in Paris they don't have leopard skin nails and virus they can't do it there you go keys in the river it's a beautiful thing those for America abroad now this look I actually know the story of this Lord Alice and Peter they were in Paris 50 years ago on Bastille Day and they they cannon what are the kids call it now they hooked up on Bastille Day and 50 years later they're still married to each other they live in Beverly Hills California Alice is very nice women and I nor and Peter is my boss for their mouthfuls let's take a short break and enjoy some Michael Caine in space in Paris got my strike walk this way Hey if you could walk this way you wouldn't need the after shape hey I'm all right yeah do you know Paris is a most romantic city in the world that's why I never come here with a wife it's a time I love her god bless you go the hole that's the good stuff and now we return you to our regularly scheduled program get busy watching or get busy sleeping [Music] the bus so we should probably take a break Jeff to do that commercials thing million okay yeah go good stuff let's take a break come on both of you yeah all right come on just try through my faves Jeff beat the song a fake Craig Ferguson Kristen Bell yeah the show will be back sacre bleu labels bleep off [Music] welcome back to the Tulare gardens in Paris where the Battle Royale begins between Scotland and France to see who is the greatest marine biologist of all do you have your boat Cousteau yes sir okay you want me to put your bow in No [Music] he study three times around the phone [Music] you just put don't yet and how's your book whoa that's two heads one more and your mama yet [Music] alright girl and three France no oh that sound familiar let's take a short break and enjoy some Michael Caine in space in Paris see that box Donna there that's called the bateaux-mouche that's French for menage-a-trois the hole that's the good stuff and now we return you to our regularly scheduled program get busy watching or get busy sleeping [Music] but I might need some cheese which I don't know I like lots of different cheese I like soft cheese I like hard cheese I like cheese that smiley I like cheese that's not smelly I like runny cheese and I like crumbly cheese all right would you like to cut the cheese or would I try I will cut the cheese yes okay okay well you take that oh I cut the cheese device yeah it's like a guillotine yes it's a guillotine right okay well let's have some fun okay I'll do it right okay I'll push down hey did I taste the cheese yes boy very hungry it's very nice choose yes it's good for smile night do you have crackers crackers I think we're crackers can you give me some crackers my dear oh yeah this is your assistant no it's my husband mister come on in come on in do you want a piece of the cheese we cut a bit of this cheese don't don't once yo you're like oh so do you want a piece of you you can have a bit there's a bite out of it be alright there you go boom yeah you want some joint some cracker alright then you want a little bit cracker here you better take this that's the CBS budget for the cheese yes that's all the budget we have that's that's a lot of cheese oh I can't eat all that cheese it's gone okay it's wonderful gone it's my pleasure nice very nice but not too strong well it's strong you do you think it's strong no it's stronger than the other one oh yes but the other one it was very very very mild yeah it was a kind of girly cheese the other one yeah I think it's time for us to look for a strong cheese yes yeah yeah how did you guys meet did you meet a cheese event I think you abandoned speak slowly and I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I mean where did you meet did you meet at some cheese I avenged no I work in the cheese shop of my parents he was just be come on Duval me I mean you have in front in front yeah they're here I speak enough French to know what yeah yeah yeah in front and gee why he walks in vegetable he was oh you wanted vegetables well you got then you got involved in cheese I saw either um lifting the vegetables and I told to my mother oh this man is wonderful and three months after we we get married really yeah all right this is very strong cheese strong strong too strong for me you know okay you are money I've got the big arms yeah yeah I'll be all right that's pretty strong cheese we should have an even stronger cheese I don't know okay we call that really the only rule my city it's only a smell I don't know if humans can eat that you are going to eat all right I'll try it because I am a strong man with the big arms right exactly it's like make me but it's good - it's late but you can't take too much no and you you can drink something very very strong with that yes you could go yeah you could you could drink whisky with that Jess yeah yeah oh yeah yeah yeah beer yeah lava yes yeah you good okay so you want some Roquefort yes it's you me yeah it's nice you know what you you mean you you you mean you know you milk sheep's milk yeah seeds no shapes the Sheep it's a man he doesn't give me you understand yes but the type of ants the sheep and now it's you you is a sheep you the you sheep no so you is the woman of the scene no that's what I tell you always when they come in my they say I always tell them it's you but I am Scottish we know about lady sheep I know that well thank you for your lovely cheese thank you for your company thank you for the story of your meeting and yeah we have to go we'll see you later everybody we'll be right back bye bye say bye bye Oh [Music] the bus [Music] yeah CVS kind of spring for this giant bus I like the giant bus I don't quite know why they gave us a giant bus and they put a picture of me on it but they didn't do a picture of you on oh I have noticed that I think you had noticed that I think you were being a little passive-aggressive about the whole you not being on the bus thing no it didn't bother me at all right fine fine okay so the next bus will just be you all right yeah yeah well we go to a different country look at the giant Craig Ferguson on the side of a bus yeah [Music] and now is time for Sean Connery's Parisian memories I want to rappel down the shade of the Eiffel Tower I don't remember they exactly because I was drunk and also because it doesn't actually happen that was Sean Connery's Parisian memories died of that guy and now Kristen and Craig enjoy dinner with a French movie star listen I want to talk about French literature you ever read any French literature no no you must have read some flame French literature literature you know great French writers are there you go right the hunchback of notre damn right but he didn't coldly he didn't call the book that right yeah the book was called Notre Dame of Paris say we have you read the book in France course right now the character it was turned into a musical yes but I don't think he would be happy about that dear it was somebody doing a lot of things in all directions he was first of all somebody concerned about human beings it was doing politics writings speeches in front of the deputies yeah it was somebody working all day long and he had two families he had two families and don't tell nobody please I won't tell anyone I think the big toggle we know there are a lot of French people here right the toggle had two families but not at the same time Addison's did they know of each other I think yes he was a bully any user right standing up not sat at the table that's interesting we any was persecuted by the government because he writes at speech and he was taking care of human beings even been he writes not Adam let me see hablo he was very touched he had a big heart he was a bull a rock Victoza menses he's kind of like for French people a little bit like Dickens as for the English people exactly exactly right people like that they have a destiny they have I don't know why but they had they had a light in front of them ego is what the best for me I don't know much about French literature but it seems to me that they kind of had it figured out cuz I don't I mean Voltaire I know said my favorite quote of all time which is which is I may not believe in what you say but I'll fight to the death for your right to say it right which I just think it that's just very forward-thinking yeah the the in French literature Judy I know I don't know if this is true perhaps you can help me they say that during the French Revolution that the the the revolutionary propaganda was couched in pornography that what they would do is that they would write because the aristocracy didn't take popular and pornographic ratings seriously they wouldn't look at it so the the you know propaganda and inflammatory lit would be and say that's why the Marquis decide wrote in the form that he wrote but with all the kind of you know scary sexy stuff because it was also hidden from the view of the aristocrats is that true or am I make another it is true because it is the way to shock people oh the shock value as well you know publicity we we haven't not invented publicity publicity comes from the ancient time the way to shock people it is yeah to caricature people and pornography is a part of a caricature when they draw people they draw people big nose yeah you know like that they were shocked in front and stopped and the message will go to to do it am i enough clear you know yes I I think that makes me feel bad for the pornography today it is not that they like pornography it is pornography can be something to shock people but do you think that they they come from the nobles people no believe me because the normal people they rods the basis of revolution by rotted by X and assign juste sense just sent chest that's the the one who brought the basis of revolution was a novel oh really of course because you know the people the world would they weren't educated they had no quality to write any rules on a paper there were the novel's who creates on the end of the novels sounds just son Jews was the one who wrote so if there was a if you believe there was a hidden sort of agenda in pornography of the past do you think that there is any hidden message in it today I've watched a law and I haven't seen any I have you seen any pornography contemporary pornography no because I'm not interested in and kind of Wow how did you know there's not a great revolutionary message coached and perhaps Debby I went to school and today they said he didn't even in the messages pornography messages you you have to touch people I'm sorry though I think it's already I don't have enough words no you have plenty of words and you've got that thing I don't think you need a lot of words if you ever can't think of the word gets opponent well we have to take a break we'll be right back we'll be right back Wow [Music] featuring dr. who himself Matt Smith Matt it's so great you finally joined us for the appointment you were meant to join us with in Paris but you made it for the end of the show was your savoir ce i I knew he was gonna show ha ha ha do you go to Paris a lot don't you I've been to Paris but recently really it's funny because I remember trying to get in touch with you but we were in Paris and you were unavailable but yet when we've returned here to California for the evening you are available would you like to come back to Paris with us tomorrow oui I don't know what that means what does that mean therefore it is very soon I have learned enough French to know what that isn't you go well not that often I went actually for Fashion Week and not just fashion week but rabid fashion yeah Theatre or lap in the fashion all the little rabbits addressed in little outfits and um it was couture fashion we go expensive rabbit cut yeah so so and I went with the missus ah I see your lady friend your girl you were heard inside the doors yes you see French then yo I don't understand what that means chef speak French I don't know you should ask them Sava Jeff baguette I've got a great way how we can get back to France and time you two stay there talk amongst yourselves I'll be right back still it right so uh it's good to see you man oh it's good to see you too here I love what you've done with them - all right hey that's the way to do it to get tired of people doing that doctrines never never no way especially not when it's from you focusing no I see I love Doctor Who very much indeed but what happens is when I see you and Doctor Who and you go inside here yeah don't pick your nose man I'm I'm really rubbing the outside driving thing of like you're picking your nose then somebody sees you and you pretend you're up in the air tonight it's what I do in France man that's what were they do in France it's true I've seen that done in front it's a French delicacy you've got to die you've gone too far I'm writing it back in across the line man don't hit me Jeff yeah well you have to start a bit closer if you want to his his hand is worryingly closest to my crotch as well [Music] [Applause] it's dying to receive for a rabbit French right this race George but it's actress right we know she ordered pain and I said sure lovely cute little creatures you know quite sexy and attractive the last thing you and I tell you friend she's come near me with a knife and fork somebody's get stabbed I'm trying to be nice I'm trying to believe in a united Europe but anyone comes near me with Zeus or any kind of paprika I'm gonna go we'll be right back this is the greatest book store in all of Paris well it contains books that I can read and this is the lovely still be footman say hello Sylvia hello welcome this your bookstore Sylvie it is oh really did your dad start this book stuff George when he started the bookshop in 1951 let's go in English language books are fixed oh he is an American from Massachusetts you don't American no right I've never lived there I actually come from the same place as you Scotland really yeah which Paris go to Edinburgh yeah yes you're from Edinburgh and I'm from Glasgow ah that makes Sylvie better than me you may not understand why but she does and that's all that matters right so this is the main part of the bookshop this is the center of the bookshop the wishing well you have a wishing well in your book show yeah let's obviously come and make wishes yeah I think you yeah at the end of the show maybe you should make I should make a wish yeah should I um should I talk quietly in a bookstore do you make people no no no no we don't tell you off if you speak loudly look do this well I have a story cuz George used to use this it had a gas pipe that went in there and so one of his kind of party pieces was here throw a match in there and fire would go up like that and dangerous very in the middle of a bookshop and I once met a woman who was a hair model who had been here and he set all of her hair alight by accident anyway wishing terribly that this is a simple heart by flubber he had a contempt for the bourgeoisie you know yes this is true and this is Joyce because it was blooms day yesterday have you read Ulysses yes have you really yeah did you understand it I think it's good to read it out loud to me because I I didn't get it okay well maybe maybe later maybe later this is a little children's theatre lovely children we should we could have we could have a little I have some puppets they could do a little publisher here but they're not really puppets for children I said that vo okay they're dirty Oh oh no yeah no sorry this is the piano room as you can hear I'm sorry to chirps we have here we have two beds where I just sleep at night and this is actually the writer he's playing the piano he sleeps in the book shop at nights and these books aren't for sale these are just for reading yeah it's almost like some kind of library oh and this is the shop dog Colette's don't do it that dude gotta fight she's so well-informed oh yeah she's very open to everyone in here this is the fiction room but before we get there this is a little tight way to cupboard if you feel like writing a poem I will write a poem okay right it's about a man from Nantucket okay no I don't have enough paper this is our little fantasy land out there on the roof fantasy land a fantasy to provide inspiration that's right okay this is the fiction room of the library this is also where William Burroughs researched Naked Lunch now when you say research Naked Lunch I remember Naked Lunch has been a wild hallucinogenic thrill right through a drug addled brain you saying William Burroughs got high in this room is that what you basically my dad used to have all all of his medical and science books in this room and so he did a lot of research using those books no getting high just come sit by me did you did you grow up did you so did you grow up here in the summers and stuff or did you because you rents coal you clearly went to school in Scotland oh yes and then born in Paris school in Scotland and then I came back here to run the bookshop lovely an international do you write yourself no why not no totally terrifies me the idea I think when you're surrounded by so many people that write I have the idea that that I'm just very happy to read their writing not attempt to write it myself I think we have to push you on this volume of my autobiography and then my seconds next year as well all you have to do is write you just write a page just write a page a day end of the year you've got 365 pages that's a book not to be any good I suppose I could I mean I could sell it here there's a shuttle well do you have everyone to buy that book you could you say you can stay here for the night but you have to pay my book for two hours yeah what about do you have some kind of quality control the other one clearly not for a personnel or we wouldn't be in here but do you have a quality control for writing do you have like sports stars books and like television celebrity biographies well we try and have a bit of everything yeah because we have a whole mix of people that come in the bookshop we we always have English because that Paris is amazing it's got a thousand independent book shops in the city well because they really support independent book shops so there's there's so many French book shops and amazing places that we we just stick to books in English I wrote a book in English and it got translated into French and I don't I don't know if it's any good or not the translation I would have to learn French to see if it was any good I find that alarming well I'll find a French friend and they can they can read it dude you read French English no you have not read the start of it when I knew you were coming today you read the Flyleaf I liked your bookstore I like it very much I see you could sleep in the bookshop if you want yeah but I have to work two hours right yeah I'll do it [Music] and now is time for Sean Connery's Parisian memories I love quiche I love SH melon I love sharing and eating it but most of all I love cutting it that's the good stuff that was Sean Connery's Parisian memories died of that guy it's a great day for America everybody and another great day here in France I am in the legendary Palace of Versailles built by louis xiv who's called the sun king because he loved Sun Chips I read it on Wikipedia this is why I love America because nowadays you don't have to be royal to enjoy a delicious tasty savoury snack you know the room everyone talks about is this one it's the Hall of Mirrors 357 minos it's dazzling it's like someone skinned a disco ball and laid out flat I could never live here it's hard enough to leave my house with one mirror I'm like does this make my ass look fat you imagine living in here there are so many statues around the palace the in order to not sound like an idiot whenever you go by one if you're here on holiday or vacation as it's known in America just make stuff up about the Statue and people believe it for example this is the Statue of Diana the Huntress it's she lived in a time when women used to hunt by taking arrows knows if she's reaching for an arrow of her quiver but she doesn't have a bow which would suggest that she's about to throw the arrow at the animal which she's hunting which would make her a very bad Huntress we're walking this way walk this way we don't have a lot of time he was the one of the first anchorman of the time you can see that's how the hair became popular in television that very stiff here was first designed by Pierre love shares who was the the anchorman for the local cave Perry news now obviously beauty at this kind of this kind of nature doesn't come with her a price and many of these stories are rather grisly of how the art was created here for example look around here a lot of people think these are just sculptures of you know little cherubs holding up this magnificent sort of dish but that's not actually what happened inside here of what they did as the actually spray-painted midgets gold and then froze them and they do say on a quiet night as if you walk through the Hall of Mirrors you can hear I think I can hear it [Music] up here towards the end of the Hall of Mirrors is a very important decision that you've got to make if you go that way you go into the Kings bedchamber right if you go that way but if you go that way you go into the back passage of the Queen's chambers so I think what I'll do is go in to the back passage of the Queen's chambers then I'll go this way now then here is one of the most exciting rooms in Versailles as you can tell the sound is already different this is the Queen's public bedchamber where she would go to bed in public what she had to do was she would come out the CW secret door over there that's the secret door Queen would come out there all the audiences here and there's inside that cabin I don't if you can see that cabinet over there there would be a flat-screen TV and you know some video games but she would have to turn those off and then the Queen herself would go to bed here and the royal courtiers would all applaud and then they would leave because the Queen had gone to bed and then after the Queen's gone to bed I don't if you can tell here like the courtiers leave that door and over here as well right see over here secret doors and that's how the Queen's lovers would get and so the Queen would be there pretending to sleep and then the door would open and n would come I don't know John Stamos or something like that and he would come in and and they would do well you know what they do the Queen's lovers history getting it on to give you an idea of how this works Kristen and I are now going to demonstrate what we will do is we will demonstrate the protocol for the Queen of France and her lover for this demonstration I'm trying to explain what's going on well for this demonstration Kristen or Mary as we will never call her is the queen of France you're the queen of France okay well okay isn't very French right right she's the queen of France and I am her lover drei Draco Draco Malfoy yeah yeah that's right before he was in the Harry Potter Peter Francis I am Draco Malfoy when you'd be the queen of France but don't go in the bed because we're not allowed to it okay plus you know it's just a play it's not real okay all right okay so you're the queen of France be be French okay wait how do the Queen of France would be on a row and go is that it yeah when you enter I'll take a different you know I feel like if she's like standing like that wouldn't she has privacy she does whatever she wants cuz that what you do look like a it doesn't look organic violet it's fine the kind of old guy looks like you have to do something organic all right you ready yeah all right so it is my secret knock ha ha it is a Draco Malfoy your lover you can't imagine the surprise I got when you came through my back door see I think that's a bit rude why well because it sounds like something different when you're seeing me you just entered through my secret back door all right it's just the facts Craig sorry what they do with it is they're bright all right I'm doing it again are you ready okay all right I'll do the secret knock okay Draco Draco Malfoy I have come through your backdoor I see you're not watching your place - whoa it doesn't work perhaps I could fix your playstation for you but I'm married why are you doing that because it's my hearing oh is it well that's alright because but I cannot I cannot see everything you're freaking me right there see that's just dysfunction adulterous affairs have to be dramatic well I don't want one then are you breaking up with me if it's only a play well breaking up with the Queen of France I get it right good I'll come by to break up with you the Queen of France my motivation has completely changed okay I have terrible news what well as you can probably tell by my walk I have discovered I'm gay did you how did you possibly know it we have been having sex everybody knows it really I Bob's the last to know anything around here come let's shop I think will that tell you a story commit commit come here over I'll show you something come here can they look down there you see that right at the end there right at the very end just at the end of the island there that little point that's if you're ever looking for me in Paris that's where I'll be down there that's where I'm always that that's my bet so don't go there welcome back everybody welcome back to the show im here with Stefan Byrne who is the foremost I think foremost expert on the royal family of France cetera this was a saying this country everything about the to have a microphone there you go talk like you're in France you can name any questions you have Oh Kristen wants to know was there ever any glass partition no that thing is that true did the Queen did the Queen have her babies and not then that of course and you know you know that one thing all the way the King left his bedroom to go to the Queen's bedroom they never made love in the Kings bedroom all only in the Queen's bedroom Kristen wants to know why why I don't know because the the sheet was was more comfortable something more the Kings had two chambers he never slept in in the official bedchamber that you can see now he had a little one behind and then at six o clock I mean he had to wake up and to go and hurry to go to the official bedroom and then we opened the doors and all the court came into the bedroom yes for what reason did he for the reason that that because at that time every act of the king was something official it meant something it was a symbolic the king that the Sun King had to you see the bedchamber is right on the place where the Sun is coming and and going back no I have a question Kristen says that they didn't have flushing toilets but I say they did lot of good TV did a flushing toilet are you gonna believe about your sign I can I can I I mean we have a lot of toilets here for the King family but imagine the others who could have they imagine all the court here 3,000 people around he is here right here Roger we are here through your first it's very funny yes imagine and then suddenly they want to pee they couldn't yes they did behind them behind another person no we had like this with with the dress I mean you can do it like this exactly so imagine the smell he wanted to humiliate his nobility so he gave to won the privilege of being its sport coat on it means to take the paper when he went to the loo so there's someone we had to give him the paper he wiped his bad the imagine someone paid would die for that privilege to keep the paper we have you can't come do you ever come in here on your own slide on the floors yes I did [Music] Oh [Applause] Stephan's be very nice to meet rows and kitchens of privilege a privilege for me to thank you are the king here you know so you can stay on the bus look at that Wow the Eiffel Tower Eiffel Tower right here we to feel connected to it in some way given that it's a structure made of inorganic material and so you [Music] welcome back everybody welcome back to Paris France where we've got one of the most sophisticated and elegant studios in all of Paris oh you having a nice time here Jeff we touch my glittery ball thank you all right do we have any gas to zabuza's the first guest on the show anyone want to be on an American talk show anybody anybody please it's no cable it's actual broadcast all right come on then come on over hello hi how are you hi misty come and sit down do we have a microphone or something so I can talk to misty you got a microphone moose get me a microphone for God's sakes make moose sit down this is moose don't worry about him he's a French stone man all right you ready that's all right put that now be careful where you put this you know what I'm saying so how many kid all right hi sound all right all right hi misty where are you from I'm from Texas Texas really what are you doing in Paris France I am celebrating my 30th birthday really I would have said about 22 oh yeah really now are you here on your owner with family members or with someone's husband oh that's lovely and your baby you left your baby where oh you know where is that oh yeah and are you did you put a lock on the bridge I did just that's nice it's not lovely thing I was lovely freak no sorry can come on through yeah let's go is your husband here yes he is oh hi honey Hey come around but most to see if you can just like don't mind Mercy's a French sewn man does it come in here most and stick your microphone up in the middle good nice time remember a great time it's our first day we're jet-lagged we flew every night and we're just trying to power things a jet like weird you know like you wake up like at five o'clock in the morning you want to have dinner and then you want to have sex in your pan yeah so well listen thank you for joining us I hope you have a fantastic holiday I remember when you're abroad you're ambassadors for America so behave yourself all right Greg Greg Stegner drag and Misty Greg and Misty from Texas Greg and Misty everybody come on [Applause] thanks guys that love Lucy's thanks for being on it it's very nice to meet you have a great vacation you guys thank you for being so nice bye-bye all right then that worked up yeah worked out pretty good lovely you know what's really interested when the Sun shines it's actually quite pleasant to do this it is I like this better than working in a studio we should do this in California the Sun shines in California all the time well it's better lighting in the studio yeah but what I was thinking is what if we did do it all the time then you might get sunburned I don't have skin you Jay I know let's go now all right then fine all right you want to do all right - yeah this is awful and it really it's I'm rushing through everything's alright you can go through it it's okay absolutely come in here Big Bird's all right no no it's okay who's you she was ugly Wendy say bones was in the evening no I think you say bon soir when when you're yeah it's the evening that's yeah it's the evening yeah people seem to like it it's really classy as class not offensive at all I don't think not offensive what do you think the sunlight very bright in your eyes it really is killing it's really hurting me but we both got blue eyes yeah yeah hey do you want to put a padlock on the bridge I would love to well on you go then just put your name on it though you can't put my name on it can you give me a push I can't I need to get over with locks on could you help me out no no I you're just gonna have to stay there yeah oh all right please welcome to the show now some other people in Paris come on Jeff everybody around here come on out here and sit down moose bring your furry proven hi everybody come on said right wait a minute you have to wait until moose can hear you you want to go underneath or up through the bottom yeah I'm the mm oh yeah all right hi hi my name is Christian Christian Christian nice to meet you Kristen is this your family oh no these are my students Oh students i and Sarah Sarah nice to meet you and you are Nina nice to meet you you know Leeloo tire wheel Liam Leo Leo Leo nice to meet you and you're a teacher and these are your students oh yeah um French teacher you're a French teacher yeah and your students are from Germany oh are you from Germany I'm from Germany - yeah are you guys you guys are teenagers that all right hang on my flaps come up yo you're teenagers you're on the Facebook and the Twitter and stuff yeah family oh yeah and do you like the the Jonas Brothers no way to speaker still the Jonas Brothers what is it now then is it the Rebecca Black they don't even know about Rebecca buy the clothes what the hell - what are the kids into now then musically did you like the Edith Piaf yeah and a French music and French sauce Bavarian folks you see wait a minute wait a minute is my accent difficult for you no no no it's easy it's easy yeah have you been to Scotland before no never it's a very very interesting place the accents are very difficult very difficult I don't understand half of what they say that's alright fine you can go through it's alright well I think that's all we have time for we have to take a commercial break you ready Jeff yes join us after these messages the lovely students from Germany with a teacher everybody well done kids [Music] and now Kristen and Craig enjoy dinner with a French movie star let's talk tonight about love and sex do you think of of Paris as being a sexy lovely romantic city do you think that's a warranted idea but is Paris as romantic and sexy as people who say it is yeah I definitely think I'm gonna lose my virginity here I can feel that Wow it is it depends on your personality that's the problem because when we talk sex we talk about personality of the people you know that in all country when you come and you introduce yourself I mean honestly when you're not rude you not rude with what the women typically idea of French people is that they are quite rude well Parisians not French but Parisians is that they are quite rude and they're quite stand office that is true but they don't get sex those one those ones don't get say no maybe that's why they're so rude it's a vicious circle they're angry they don't get sex they're angry or they don't get I see sexy to you that what do you think is sexy personality skin skin what just like skin serial-killer of you you know Sookie is keen or the skin of a world a colour the material I do not know how to say the textures thank you the eyes also the way the way she looks at you I wish she moves Wow what sexy for you then what do you think is sexy I think a combination of confidence but not arrogance just confidence what was the difference well arrogance is when you're you're trying to prove something and confidence is when you're not right okay so never to prove thumbs never to prove something no confidence and and comedy I think the ability to make someone laugh always say that because women like to laugh yes I know but they always say that and then you know there's a lot of guys who are not funny that are getting laid yes that's true but maybe only one time maybe it's not the women don't stay because I think there's something so beautiful about the the internal desire to make someone else smile she's right we have to listen to to that well that's the first lesson making french we said women who laugh half in your bed exactly I think I have this theory that people will have a wicked sense of humor are more adventurous sexually yeah I think that sense of humor is a very good kind of idea of yeah barometer of how someone is gonna behave once you get it on I had a love story for 18 month when I was a bachelor right wasn't married and I met a girl was a party now I saw the girl she looked at like Ava Gardner oh okay mr. kids scanned the texture of the skin and the eyes and I swear to God I said it's gonna be a story to her she laughs and I said no it's gonna be a story and we had the story she was with the guy and the same night she gets rid uh she got rid of the guy yeah that happened to me when I met my wife as well well she wanted to where do I go I go I met when I met baguette right we were at a party and I shouldn't really tell you this but while we were at this party and I met her a nice eyes she was amazing and I said you're very beautiful let's get married I said right away and and she said you're crazy I'm here with my boyfriend and I said she was there with her boyfriend and I said her oh really where is he and she went what are you talking about and I said cuz if you were here with me and I was your boyfriend you wouldn't be standing here talking to a man like me nice yes yes love is beautiful is the best thing for everybody love love I think I could get used to being here talking about work you have your love thing yeah let's take a short break and enjoy some michael caine in space in paris did you know the French have no I of sighing I'm not interested in sex well perhaps I do but I've never heard it the whole that's the good stuff and now we return you to our regularly scheduled program get busy watching or get busy sleeping I feel up that wall quarter by that Queen's bedchamber thing because you finally came out oh well I mean when you ever said you didn't think it was kind of rude I got weird did it yeah no weird enough I learned Stefan knows more than me I learned this to find you to at least be wearing a microphone many was meant to be talking on camera listen I say a lot of stuff you see a lot of cannot be miked for a lot of stuff you say why [Applause] look and then beautiful beautiful expanse and they're not lovely horse just dancing through there frolicking it really is frolicking yeah you better fall like a bit faster they eat horses in France Wow oh yeah nah ah yeah well and I was well yeah they did the horses horses snails and frogs I know it's like given those gross I can eat yeah all right well let's go and get some teeth okay frogs are horse mmm I'm gonna take a coffee come on [Music] oh my all I'm saying is that the interior design aspects of Versailles is something that maybe we could incorporate into the studio you know you like interior design obviously given you know who you are see what you're implying or while you're moving your head that way you know I would have thought given that you know who you are you would have been interested in interior design if you know the stereotype to think that a gay robot skeleton would be interested in interior design I mean perhaps um you know perhaps I'm pitching hauling you and that is not code that I agree Craig I think a little little redo of the studio might be nice it might be nice is what I'm saying something a little more baroque a little more vocal go a little more ornate a little more twirly-whirly now those are code and I know it no code allowed totally were literally alright you liked Versailles though then yeah I love mercy do I like do I like most of it Versailles what did you like most about Versailles was I when I had a quiet moment and I was walking around I was pretending I was the queen of France that you buddy I do it right here every night that's all great well because I'm standing here at the podium and you're over there pretending to be a woman not a woman the Queen of France yeah good point did the green fence we pick unless people I'll tell you you know I'm sensitive about looking a bit like a lesbian all right I sometimes tease you about only being able to move your hand and can't move more than 12 foot from an outlet yes but victory is mine quick we have to get back on the plane to get back to France for tomorrow's show [Applause] [Music] Bonjour Monsieur hello do you speak English little a little bit could I have a cone mwah - Coco shockula no either cocoa is shockula that's what the cocoa and chocolate as coconut and chocolate you have to but it's not ready you have to wait oh thank you very much indeed merci beaucoup come here there you go I know you're thinking Craig you're so international yes Nessie Nessie ah boo Monsieur support yourself ah Paris the city of love hey everybody it's a great day for America another great day here in Perry today we're going to the world-famous Moulin Rouge finally after years of searching I have found the place in France were the naked ladies dance the Moulin Rouge is the most famous cabaret show in the world now a cabaret is not what you think there's no pool there's no champagne room there's definitely no thunder from down under which is why I will not be making it rain the dancers here aren't respected as artistes this is not a place where they just let anybody flap their junk around for a dollar I learned that the hard way the windmill there you see the windmill over the top that's the most famous landmark the most famous icon and sex but it doesn't actually work as a windmill I think that's weird it's kind of like the most important icon and sex and it doesn't work what cue Hefner no originally the Moulin Rouge was a place where courtesans danced seductively to get male clients this was before they discovered there were easier ways to get men to have sex with them like sing to them I'll have sex with you for money alright let's go let's go over and going come on [Music] hey how you doing yeah good good the many famous performers have played here back in the 1970s Liza Minnelli played here I only found out a couple of days ago a bartender from here came up to me and said good to see you again Liza you'd let yourself go the most famous dance here of course is the can-can you know the one with the dancers do the big line so you can see their panty coats know for some reason that dance that always features heavily in westerns you know vanilla the cowboy comes and goes please girls game to the saloon all the way from gay Paree I ain't interested though one more of a cowpoke now you stay here I'm going inside you enjoy the products advertised got big dreams you want Fame well Fame costs and right here's where you start paying its sweat [Music] no [ __ ] get in my way so Craig you're in position yes there the girls will signal to you for your magic appearance right Craig's ready to learn his number because he has a lot of energy and enthusiasm I'm impressed by his professionalism his technique leaves a lot to be desired but I always think if you really go out there and sell and give of yourself you can get away with murder when the girls open-back out will become obvious you keep moving forward carry on move around how do you feel we need to see if he has the the suppleness to kick his leg and do a jump splits he has the right height and physique I'm ready I've been ready my whole life please help us to the very best job we can do we've all worked really hard I'm really proud of you all I think you look fantastic you all smell some of you smell great some of you smell W smell and but we've come together and things were difficult at first and some [ __ ] were trying to destroy me but now everything's gonna be alright and we're friends and we're gonna go out there and we're gonna give those bastards the sexiest most beautiful tomato [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] well Bravo that was great amazing well he wasn't bad it was pretty good it was it was they're not that great it was terrible awful what's a girl gotta do to get some feathers around here and now it's time for Sean Connery's Parisian memories people say there's nothing more romantic than the sound of the French language I think nothing is more romantic than the showned of cats meeting [Music] see that that's one of those new ones it doesn't even have to go around at this walk [Applause] that was Sean Connery's Parisian memories knives of that guy here is come this way this way I'll show you look at the state of that flag up there look look at the state of that flag you see how cautery that flag is it's disgraceful you'd never get that in America no American would treat his flag with such disrespect look at that tatty flag they need to get a new flag up there he's Frenchie's you see the stay at that flag is outrageous isn't that does that make you mad as a Frenchman to make you angry yes it does trust me that he's agreeing with me he's saying we with his eyes let's take a short break and enjoy some Michael Caine in space in Paris in France it's still alright to smoke after sex you just have to ask everyone else in the elevator the hole that's the good stuff and now we return you to our regularly scheduled program get busy watching or get busy sleeping at this point you're probably asking yourself how did a crappy low-budget show like this end up in Paris someone tweeted me on the Twitter that a clip of the show that they saw in France it's a French talk-show and then sorry I looked at it and I'm like [Music] I would like to invite you to show in France [Music] Thank You merci merci bien didn't know you'd be here this is what it's like being international I skipped from Russia this morning I was in Russia it's quite far away as Napoleon finder you see what I did there I made a joke about invading this is if I was appearing on the Wendy Williams Show in Britain No where do I live besides us I'm very tired and a little medicated are you good to see ya have you been very good this is as magnificent as my studio nice to meet you nice to meet you my name is Amal I'm a unclothed I'm sexy clone you know you know clone clone the clone with a clown I don't really know what's going on here but there's about 15 very very beautiful sexy dancers some of them women and they've got me wearing polyester okay let you if you need anything you yell my name I don't stare okay thank you thank you I want to keep this so bad I want to keep this but you know what this is like it's like wearing well let me put it this way so I have to leave I could hear bagpipes I'm very happy we start this show in October but we did one month so for your soul before it's the first time you ever in France that there is that kind of show so I really appreciate all those late-night shows and to be honest like I said - Craig is my favorite one because it is the only one who hosting is show like he's not preparing anything you know it seems that it's like a big mess and I like that type there can only be one McLeod Connor MacLeod [Music] I really want to keep this costume I have a couch that matches this if i sat in the couch that this costume is like you would never see me again [Applause] you're not doing this for me you're not doing this for yourself you're doing this for America don't screw this up you hear me [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] let's take a short break and enjoy some Michael Caine in space in Paris oh yo look at this ghost coming over all right girls Oh God I'll take the one with a ball right to the houses all right ladies all right Bonjour Hey aha all right there yeah yeah I'll bet you are ha ha all right yeah these are nice oh I didn't take the mom I doubted the daughter didn't like me all right the whole that's the good stuff and now we return you to our regularly scheduled program get busy watching or get busy sleeping you tell me why we're going to get shoes you're wearing shoes I know I'm wearing shoes but you don't understand girls need more than one pair of shoes and sometimes many pairs of shoes I'm just really glad we got a lot of the sightseeing out of the way so that we can Los Angeles that's why you have to go buy shoes somewhere else any sense at all this is not the same as Los Angeles because christian louboutin is unparalleled and we are [Applause] in dreamland this is the noisy Street in Paris okay yes this is him oh hello this is mr. Christian Louboutin hello the best shoe designer in the world very nice to meet you sir I know how much indeed I do very nice shoes Frank you and I Kristin Kristin would like to buy some shoes from you and she's going to use her own money well we'll see but I would like to try on a little bit of everything cuz I'm very excited to be here it's really the only place I wanted to come you're perfect [Music] I studied with showgirls only in cabaret and you know showgirls for then it's very important to shoes you know to always on high heels of course to have the beautiful legs etcetera but it's very important there's no way showgirls can be happy with their shoes I don't have you know they have to think to so many other things when they do these things so shoe is comfortable so there are technical that I took from the showgirls because you didn't you used to do trapeze yes I think you told me that before absolutely you walked on the trapeze yes for seven years I did I did trapeze then I stopped because I started working here and then it became quite complicated in terms of our but now in my other office I have my trapeze you have a trapeze in your office oh that's cool you need a trapeze in here I don't know I don't never know if it's big enough for a trap trapeze you bring do if you look at a woman's foot like a stranger would you say well that's a fantastic food I would like to make a shoe for that I wouldn't just look at the foot really you know I'm not thinking woman in terms of food I really I would look at the legs I would look at the way she's moving right you know there's a whole thing I would not just look at the food otherwise it's know what she means no otherwise the food is just like an ear you know it's never perfect it's always business or is always at all which is too long too short too something I don't look at fit that way I really look at the figure that's really one thing now otherwise now a foot doesn't really speak to me it's it's a whole thing speaks to me I'm encouraged by that why I don't know I feel like I understand that bit more than just be oh yes would you look at features by themselves no I never would what's that for that's for tiny little shoes this is it's very tiny little shoe for a little peaceful when the girl has been walking and walking and walking on these shoes and then the tip of the shoe starts to be a little ripped you have the second one and you can put microfilm in there if you're a spy why do you think women are fascinated with shoes it's undeniable that women are fascinated with shoes in a way that men are not about their own own shoes why is that actually because it gives a completely different posture you know when you are when your women are your own shoes according to the shoes you're going to wear you're going to feel completely different and also it gives us certain body consciousness you know if you have and he knows it's just like having a tie in a way what's different but if you have a tire you are going to be happy the vest you are going to behave differently so you just have like a bag t-shirt and you're like that so it gives a different spin and the body structure and I think that women really love that I have a theory that women really love shoes because the size doesn't change very much so you can go for like 12 pastries then your shoe size doesn't change you know you can like put on 10 pounds and your shoe no you don't go into a store go wow I've put on 10 pounds it's like it's not on your feet you did the size is the same you're you're 16 or you provides comfort exactly changes who you are from the ground up much in the in the posture way that it completely you can reinvent yourself and I think women are more obsessed than men because there's so many other acceptable options I mean don't wear a ton of heels but women wear heels yeah but not a ton there's such an array to choose from and you can completely reinvent yourself based on the shoes that you're wearing from the ground up it's not like wearing a scarf where you might not feel it all the time you do feel within your posture your shoes at all times but you know there's another thing which is there which is weird about that it's completely the opposite between men and women in the sense of women friends and we love shoes it's very important but at the same time they're not very careful of their shoes very few women are polishing their shoes you know when men when they love shoes so it's all about the meal for the pattern you put them in the fridge at that time you brush them every Sunday do you think it's because it's been become acceptable for women to have such so many different pairs of shoes that they can take less care because they have the quantity is higher I think that it's for another reason I think that's the first reason let's say it's because really it's an extension of the woman so the woman always feels that the shoes belong to her and it's really almost her inner body it belongs to you know Etsy it's a continuation of the natural body when a man it's an object I see men when they look at the shoes it's an object they look like this except Tara's I like to model for years this is a patina of the thing no woman cares to have a shoe for 25 years and pride of having issue 425 it's not interesting to women it's very much the opposite men are super yeah that I don't feel like I own a pair of shoes until it's taken the shape of my foot like when I buy a pair of shoes like these shoes didn't look like this when I bought them but over maybe you know two or three months they take the shape of the what shoes look like on me they start looking like my shoes they don't look like my shoes right away this is not a thing that women I once they're broken in you're much less attracted to them what that's true of many things [Music] share they don't want you [Music] merci beaucoup Bernadette I did not see you at the Moulin Rouge dancing the can-can you didn't have any legs so even be the alum de quoi why do they call it skinny-dipping when fat people can do it too how the hell should I know it is probably the same reason they call that dude Lady gaga [Applause] lechuck [ __ ] and now is time for Sean Connery's Parisian memories 1973 the National Opera of bash I was tripping on mescaline and during the second act of La bohème I stripped naked and jumped up onto the stage they could have lured me out instead we all got naked and ha da menage a fourth ocean that was Sean Connery's parisian memories dive love that guy and now Kristin and Craig enjoy dinner with a French movie star yeah look look oh this is desert yeah a little baby stroller you all right in baby strawberries are very delicate yeah all right now let's say after this we were to go out and go somewhere let's for example say you our mutual friend ideas are just doing a lot of stand-up comedy and in Frey he does it in in French now when I talked to Eddie we were I was I was talking about the idea is there a sense of humor difference between you know english-speaking Americans yeah and French speaking French people yes what do you think yes or you think there is a difference what do you think the difference is or differences are history history history and oh yeah from Chinese people different than Spanish Spanish different than English English different than American Belgian people different than Switzerland people yes that's why I like very much a Charlie Chaplin right because that's that's the real artist of humor a universal humor it is difficult for me it is a question mark on my head how can I be can I be a nice how can I be with humor in all languages so there is a universal sense of humor left very rare right what would it be what do you think makes all people love falling falling farting farting farting doesn't make all people not for the Arabic people be offense or a fart eNOS oh my goodness do you think they're laughing inside though no I don't think so oh really it is an offense weakly because I was born in Morocco so I can say I sometimes think and I don't mean to be like a dinosaur here but sometimes it seems to me that ladies are a little bit slow on the loving of farty jokes not me not this okay it depends how again that's addiction depends how always with women it depends how so you can oh I'll laugh even if I smell a fart in the room because I know where it came from and I'm picturing the scenario of how it got here ma'am yeah you pictured the scenario yeah wow it just makes me laugh immediately what the kind of huh you know it's funny though I have a very young but when you have children yeah I have a very young baby he farts and he laughs he goes to the corner of the room and goes my friend Laura calls that a buffer because it starts with a boom and it ends it up you have names for different times it starts with a blue and any other names there to remember that we were animals yes I guess there is a little bit like that yeah it's a little bit like course but it's always seen as you know farty jokes are always seen as lowbrow humor and I have a theory that if you attach intelligence intelligence to when you were talking about that's clever humor and that's not clever you know you don't really have a say no humor no do what you think it is hilarious yeah and and I I think the thing is about sense of humor though is the everybody thinks they have one now you have to say Craig that here it is essential it in old situation yes it is it will save you I remember at my father's funeral carrying my father's coffin as we came into there was a very dark day in Scotland and it was raining and it was course very sad is my father you know and we were coming and my father had a great sense of humor as we were carrying the casket the bagpiper is playing and the bagpiper is the worst sutulova bag paper I ever had it sounded like he had a cat and he was strangling the Quaffle cat as well as we're going and I started to giggle as we were walking in the church and all of us carrying the coffin it didn't mean I didn't love my father no of course I love my father but it was the emotion I almost swear I heard him laugh from inside the casket it was the is what separates us from despair hmm I think is laughter laughter separates us from despair and gives us a chance at love yeah you think yeah okay well let's end there there have a nice weekend everybody we'll be right back cheers Jeff [Music] the bus with French songs you know let's make some french toast ooh all right go a little ahead hit the loo the loo de tete Dieu de Dieu de Dieu like pilotage oh do it [Music] that was funny when you did the call from the orchid noise here yeah it was good [Music] Garner's a thumbs-up recess well that's it everybody that's it that's it that's our week in Paris how do you think it went that's it yeah that's it the ends with a big dance number always ends with a big dance number that was my thing I did a big dance number and now we're done did you like it um honestly he didn't like it pretty bad it wasn't bad at all it was good I worked hard on it that was work that was terrible you're jealous no I figured you'd be jealous the whole week I think it's been there the whole week I felt this tension and there's anxiety because I've been having a fabulous time and you've had trouble finding an outlet how dare you well it's true isn't it you were limited in your enjoyment fun because many of the outlets here don't fit your probe thing would you McCall it plug yeah my proved this thing so you know the technical to you together man I just like I hang with you I don't I don't know that look I have people who are friends who are humans I'm not a doctor I don't know how they work all right at the same with you I don't know you work I just you know hang out with you because they don't right I don't get worked up all right oh we did have a lot of fun did we yeah we did had a lot of fun we had a lot of fun and you and Kristen kind of made up a little bit yeah yeah that was nice that was good and we had that we had a lot of nice food well I had a lot of nice food you your trouble finding an outlet but you keep going back no I feel I should punish you in some way you were mean about my dance but I'm glad I'd brought you to parts you were really a lovely companion Thank You Craig well thank you Jeff you're very sparkly very the same as you always are [Music] can I stop now yeah I guess we should stop now got a little weird there for a minute yeah yeah anyway back to work on Monday and back in you know California and things will be back to normal and this loss seemed like a dream live Bulls lay balls gonna hire everybody see Monday I went rather well I thought yeah really dude yeah yeah you want to go get a drink I'd love to okay come on come on hey come on like it oh come on they hate you [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] you [Music]

Channel: The Jayleno Fly

Views: 81,528

Rating: 4.8636847 out of 5

Keywords: クレイグと女の子の女性, クレイグ・ファーガソン, ロボットをゲオフ, craig ferguson, craig ferguson and the ladies, flirting masterclass, funny late night, best talkshow, funny talkshow, talkshow compilation, talkshow moments, flirt talkshow, geoff the robot, the jayleno fly, funny moments, craig ferguson paris, craig ferguson kristen bell paris, craig ferguson dance paris, craig ferguson france, the late late show in france, late late show paris, arthur craig ferguson, jaque, france geoff craig

Id: 2m1T1DDKKY4

Length: 177min 46sec (10666 seconds)

Published: Sun May 28 2017