Craig Ferguson at the Annual White House Correspondents' Din

the United States Marine well that certainly certainly didn't go the way we expected this evening and of course the whole political year hasn't gone as the pundits predicted by Super Tuesday it was clear this would be a season of surprises during our network coverage that night on primary night I telephoned Craig Ferguson at The Late Late Show studios in California his take on American elections is unique he had just been sworn in as a new American citizen I thought reporters could not ask for a more appropriate voice tonight than a first-time uncommitted voter ladies and gentlemen Craig Ferguson if I may borrow a line sir my fellow Americans yeah mr. mr. president mrs. Bush mr. vice president mrs. Cheney honorable justices of the Supreme Court senators and representatives brave members of our armed forces esteemed members of the White House Correspondents Association other journalists natsu esteemed ambassadors Hollywood movie stars Hollywood celebrities people who are just kind of from Hollywood the unsung hero every White House dinner the c-span camera guy everybody the c-span camera guy you know in many other areas of America we've moved from one camera the one camera system is no longer in place in other parts of the broadcasting industry but in c-span things move a little bit slower I have to tell you looking at you tonight I really how how beautiful this is to me I really are this is like a dream to me this is like a dream I had in the dream I wasn't wearing pants but it's kind of like a dream that I had and III can't tell you how excited I am to be here tonight now I realize many of you may not share that excitement given that you have no idea who I am well let me explain my name is Craig Ferguson I host the late-night television program for the mighty CBS Corporation yes hi I'm their middle-of-the-night guy and I'm kind of basically all they could afford after they finished paying Katie Couric but really I'm not kidding you the reason you're stuck with me tonight though is that look Ward has got out amongst the american-born comedians that you're a bit of a tough crowd this is just another case of immigrants taking jobs that Americans don't want sir although I cannot think why I uh you do have a reputation you know a lot of people told me a lot of people told me they said you know when you're doing this this is a very tough a lot the American comic said it to me they said they're a tough room is full of an angry man and disappointed women and disappointed man and angry woman a lot of surly drunks I'm thinking this is perfect it's like a family reunion I'll do it a reporter from there which the name of that paper the mount the the hill a reporter from the hell said to me when you come to DC you want to be funny or do you want to be liked I know I said I'd sail for either anyway the court was very controversial speeches being made here the most famous of course in 1996 I think when cheeky comedy racist DOMA Don Imus cursed he cussed the first cursed in front of the first lady I believe which is I was a terrible faux pas never cuss in front of the personally the first lady always wait until she cusses first that's the way it's done so rest assured I'll be working clean here tonight unless you give me the note mrs. B and then all hell breaks loose I'm telling I don't know c-span I've got camera and here I better not it's a great honor for me to be asked to speak here III doubly so for me because I just became an American citizen now um I thank you I bet it's really the end of our I'm very happy to be here now you realize of course that means that I'm American by choice I'm not like you guys you wake up in the morning and you're like oh that cool exercise by civil and religious freedoms without fear of incarceration or repression today I think how complained today I had to fill in a lot of paperwork before I could do that I had to lie about my past I had to pass a test to be an American and I wonder sometimes of many of the journalists and politicians in this room would pass that test like a fee if the AI NS just suddenly circled this room right now and said pop quiz everybody below you people trying to get over the fence from this side enjoy your taquitos amigos now although I am although I'm an American now I'm and religion Li from a town called Glasgow in Scotland yes you've obviously never been there Glasgow if you don't know if you imagine the movie Braveheart set in Detroit in the 1970s they'll give you a a fair idea of what the town is like what's a violence and polyester it's out of a very but it's like a medieval version of Starsky and Hutch they are very very very tough people that extremely tough people are you'll appreciate earlier ah you're famously tough on terrorists the recent al-qaeda attack at Glasgow Airport the terrorists drove a flaming SUV into the airport and he got out he was on fire the Scottish security guard ran over started beatin the crap out he didn't even pull him out he didn't even know some he's personally the guy think I'm on fire he said he started before soon yeah someone got a photograph of this they blew up they put her up in the airport underneath it says welcome to Scotland they're very tough people I love the 1d ideas what I love about al-qaeda there's a phrase you don't hear often but here's another al Qaeda tried to take a religious war to Scotland you're a thousand years too late and you don't have a soccer team go oh I love when they caught this terrorist as well they become within about nine hours they had the entire terrorist cell because this one terrorist had been questioned by the Glasgow police officers I have been questioned by Glasgow police officers I would tell them Betty White was an al-qaeda after that's what they wanted and I I used to Russia maybe I I'm not tough anymore of course I I live in Los Angeles I'm all lactose intolerant into the Kabbalah and everything I traveled the world adopting babies I I solve international crisis with my celebrity stop or the beautiful infidel is right let us put down our weapons what were we thinking let us moisturize and text each other I am I I do I like living in LA though I have to tell you because I do love America and Ellie is a very short commute to America it's like half an hour on the plane for you're right there and I hear I hear a lot of people at I hear a lot of people usually need the born Americans I have to tell you usually the children of the wealthy who say you know with her America sucks man we totally serve we serve and I'm thinking you know what Junior you know why you're talking like that because you haven't traveled enough do what I did put on your little backpack and travel around Europe check out the competition see how much we suck spend half an hour your life and I don't know Belgium any Belgians in Fame let's go after those bastards then who do they think they are those Belgians with their delicious chocolate and the waffle screw those people Belgium why they're they of the Canada of France there I said it I said it someone had to say it and I said no disrespect to our Canadian friends by the way I love I love the Canadians I do the lovely people there are civilized neighbors to the north and fact before I emigrated to America a lot of people in the old country said why don't you go to Canada create lot a lot of Scottish people in Canada I said I know that's kind of why I've made my choices already mmm and to me at no disrespect to the Canadians I love them but to me Canada it's not the party it's the apartment above the party do you know what I'm saying do you know what I mean it's like it's nice it's good well decorated but it's the apartment above the party I mean we're down here and they're up there can you keep the noise down we're trying to be polite we're Nick we're up here keep the noise down and we're like oh come to the party Canada they're like we weren't invited we like Mexico wasn't invited they came down to the bar there's a lot Secret Service in here right yeah okay good now I am a new American of course and I I don't know who to vote for this is my first presidential election this November and I thought rather than decide you know in the anonymity as is my right as an American I thought why not ask you people tonight who knows more about presidential elections and you guys so let's just make a better noise should I vote Republican or Democrat a Republican or a Democrat well I'd say that puts the bed the myth of liberal media bias when you I have to tell you it's in SIA since I get the invitation to speak here everybody access to you you know everybody wants to give you advice about how to talk at this dinner some people are like stick it to the man Craig other people are like don't rock the boat Greg everybody says do political humor which is what they mean by that is do jokes that I agree with politically and I spoke to a lot of journalists about how I should speak up here and and everyone all the journalists said Craig your duty is speak truth to power that's what you do you you hold the truth up for everyone to see that your job speak truth to power and I'm sorry I don't see it that way that's your job you're journalists I'm a late-night television show guy I you know I make up crap that isn't true and then I say on TV I like Fox News I'm not a journalist Wow Fox News of course no to be fair Fox News has my favorite ad the gorgeous and smoldering Bill O'Reilly man that is sexy Bill O'Reilly who's locked in that feud with Keith Olbermann on MSNBC the two of them are at 2:00 every night that terrible feud everybody thinks they each other you know what I see their sexual tension that's what I say that's a romantic comedy waiting to happen you're the worst person in the world your liberal yuppie scum I used turned on as I am you bet I am mister yeah I feel a little bit sick as well I don't know why I did that now listen I realize I am NOT a journalist so anything I say is not important but I I would say I want to talk tonight about the respect I have for the American media you guys it's your task to to watch the government to make sure they don't exceed their power well done on that by the way the past eight years yeah but I wonder who keeps an eye on the journalists when you guys will get an outline who cracks the WEP on the media where you guys well Dana Perino sometimes I'm naughty to dinner of course not just the electronic media here tonight we have the print media here I had the honor of chatting with several editors of large newspapers before I came out you thought were borderless torture I and I've had that the print journalists were the most beat they're bitter and jaded of all but that's that doesn't see me between the seem quite perky the reporters from my own hometown people the LA Times made it into the room tonight even after the cutbacks they'll be poor in the coffee once I get done be nice to them because some of these guys are good families also at the the New York Times The New York Times unfortunately did not buy a table they feel I just want to make sure to get this right they felt that this event undercuts the credibility of the prayers funny you see I thought that Jason Blair and Judy Miller took care ah I say what I say did I go too far now let me try this shut the hell up New York Times you sanctimonious whining jet haha look for my good review they're coming up sir I'm guessing Monday morning he's a star I also by the way I would like to thank the lovely Maureen Dowd of the New York Times for recommending me for this job and then having the foresight not to turn up when I got it I thank you marine there's one person who's not here tonight and I'm a little bit sad about I was looking forward to meeting this fella look this guy he he typify for me in the bush regime the relationship that the government had with the press no disrespect to anyone here but I'm talking of course of Donald Rumsfeld Oh rummy or gin rummy as some call him hee hee hee this is a guy who had character he had Drive I used to watch his press conferences and laugh my ass off I mean really he was just wonderful and I'm for you today I put together a few clips of some of the greatest Donald Rumsfeld moments please look at your ear monitors we've talked about it a lot from the podium Larry Derrida said yesterday when when the Pentagon's recommendations initially came out you had said that he hadn't made changes to those recommendations if I recall correctly and the message that many of us drew from that was they wanted the Commission not to make major changes to that list traditionally they've made about 15% changes on the closures and they've questioned a number of things including cost savings that actually Joe Mars made similar references to the failings of the insurgency kind of failure to garner public support and yet this far into the operation the insurgency has managed to sustain itself does it suggest a lack of understanding on your part what insurgency is about the great Donal Rome's well I'm so sorry I'm so sorry he's not here tonight I'm not really yeah I am he's off donald is no your tonight he's off right in his book which apparently starts off really well but has no real end in sight I don't do me it's America I can see what I like this is an election year of course as you pointed out so none of the candidates thought you guys were important enough for them to turn up Hillary Clinton not here although that's fine she can see she was the born-again off-again boyfriend bill also know here he's a he's probably making a speech somewhere you know Bill Clinton charges half a million bucks to give a speech half a million bucks or you'll talk dirty for free but half a million together Obama not here which scares me uh you know I I tell you why Obama scares me a little bit he's too clean you know he's he's cleaner is cleaner than your shotgun sir ease I mean he's a very CLE we need more dirt on him I think we need that Karl Rove to get those guys that work for him to dig up the dirt those guys that work for Karl Rove again demons the demons that work for Karl Rove baracan and Hillary of course are locked in that mortal combat for the nomination of the the Democratic Party at the moment and I think some of these debates are getting very very passive-aggressive what sneaky tactics going on stuff that I don't think it well take a look at this you'll see what I mean have a look at not releasing I think these records at the same time Hillary is you're making the claim that this is the basis for experience to participate to do is rebuild trust in our government I mean that's bad that's just naughty and wrong that was me being naughty there Dana I did that listen I don't I don't envy the person who wins the Democratic nomination because of they of course he or she will face the full force of the Republican attack machine come the election you know Bill Kristol Bob Novak George Stephanopoulos the what I'm just reporting the facts I will also they'll have to for a face Senator McCain another man who I think it's a little too clean I mean or we go on amis old he that's not really enough he's old I mean that we all know he risked his life in defense of this nation in Vietnam before that the Vikings they would be all over here if it wasn't for ham pterodactyls he was he fought them depending on your belief system dinosaurs I don't know act earlier this year though there were rumblings that John McCain would would not be able to run for president because he wouldn't wasn't born in this country which i think is really that's not fair because when John McCain was born America hadn't been discovered so I don't really think that that works out tonight though we mark the end of an era sorry we are george w bush's our leaves being in eight months the vice president is already moving out of his residence it takes longer than you think to pack up an entire dungeon the you told me you told me yourself tonight as the last time President Bush will be attending this dinner something he and I have in common of course the I'm kidding I'm kidding I'd love to come back if you'd have me okay forget it no no no no it's all right um well you could come back actually so you could come back if if mrs. Bush ran for the president yeah well it could happen a first lady a former first lady could become president it could happen it's not gonna happen this year but it could happen at some point I'm just predicting um it will be though it will be a bittersweet day in January sir when when you leave the White House as I remember eight years ago when you said you were you were going to return dignity to the White House and by the way I thought you were fantastic on Deal or No Deal that was just the what you shrugged me you were on Deal or No Deal I saw him um during your administration though there was not one single sex scandal in the White House not one he said the time when Barney humped the Pope's leg but that's these one of these things man that's encouraging ah all right I'll tell you what um you are retiring as a young man oh so you're retiring as a young young young man when what does a president do when he retires you you could uh you could look for a job with more vacation time see what I did now listen I I wanna I want to just be serious with you just for a second I I haven't been in Washington very long but I've been here long enough to know that it's full of people who disagree on everything from how it balanced the budget to what tie is the most patriotic you people can't agree on anything the president doesn't like the press press doesn't like the president everybody hates Janie Janie loves that I think it's cool I mean that's weird I mean that's kind of pervy if you don't mind me saying so about that what I'm seeing is this I knew that when I came here that this room would be full of of contentious and and contrarian people who argue all the time may I remind you as a new American we need that that's what this place is all about so please never ever ever agree with each other never stop arguing never stop fighting you cranky magnificent bastards god bless you and God bless america everywhere

Channel: C-SPAN

Views: 1,163,413

Rating: 4.8316255 out of 5

Keywords: C-SPAN, cspan, Pres., Bush, Ferguson, CBS, comedian, politics

Id: 42Jo2yRJt1Y

Length: 22min 47sec (1367 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 28 2008