♪♪♪
>>> IT'S TIME TO PLAY "CELEBRITY FAMILY FEUD: OSCARS EDITION."
HERE'S YOUR HOST, STEVE HARVEY! >> OKAY.
ALL RIGHT. OKAY, NOW.
NOW, WELCOME TO "CELEBRITY FAMILY FEUD, OSCARS EDITION."
NOW YOU MIGHT NOT BELIEVE THIS, BUT I HAVE NEVER WON AN OSCAR.
MY LIVE SHOW WON A BLACK TONY OR WHICH IN THE INDUSTRY WE CALL A
TONI BRAXTON. ALL RIGHT.
TODAY WE GOT OSCAR WINNERS VERSUS OSCAR LOSERS.
[ APPLAUSE ] ON THE WINNER SIDE, SHE JUST WON
BEST ACTRESS FOR "THREE BILLBOARDS," FRANCES McDORMAND.
[ APPLAUSE ] >> THANK YOU.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
AND FOR ALL YOU LADIES OUT THERE, I HAVE TWO WORDS THAT ARE
GOING TO CHANGE OUR INDUSTRY, BURLAP DRESS.
>> YOU'RE THE KIND OF LADY THAT GOES TO A DOG PARK AND
APPOINTS HERSELF SHERIFF. ALL RIGHT.
NEXT UP, HE WON BEST DIRECTOR FOR "THE SHAPE OF WATER."
LET'S SEE IF I'M PRONOUNCING THIS CORRECTLY.
GUCCI DEL TACO. >> HELLO, STEVE.
IT'S GUILLERMO dEL TORO. >> ALRIGHT, SO YOUR MOVIE IS
ABOUT A LADY WHO GETS BUSY WITH A FISH?
>> A FISH MONSTER. YES.
I LOVE MY MONSTERS. >> AND IT WON BEST PICTURE?
MAN, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A WAYANS BROTHERS MOVIE.
ALL RIGHT. NEXT, SHE JUST WON AN
OSCAR FOR "I, TONYA." AND I'M SORRY, BUT I DIDN'T SEE
IT. IT'S ALLISON JANNEY.
>> YEAH, WELL, IF YOU WANT AN OSCAR I HAVE ONE PIECE OF
ADVICE, ACT WITH A BIRD. THANK YOU, PUMPKIN.
IF ANYTHING, YOU GAVE ME WINGS. >> I WISH THEY MADE TINY LITTLE
OSCARS FOR BIRDS. NEXT, HE JUST WON BEST
SCREENPLAY FOR "GET OUT." THIS IS JORDAN PEELE.
CONGRATULATIONS, BROTHER. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, STEVE.
>> OH, MAN. YOU ARE SO FUNNY TOO.
I LOVED YOU ON "KEY AND PEELE." >> WELL, SKETCH COMEDY IS GREAT.
BUT AT SOME POINT YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON, YOU KNOW?
>> YOU DO? >> YEAH.
AFTER A FEW YEARS YOU'VE JUST GOT TO DO SOMETHING MORE
ARTISTIC, YOU KNOW? >> HOW MANY YEARS?
>> ARE YOU OKAY, STEVE? >> WHO, ME?
OH, YEAH, I'M FINE, PLAYER. I'M REAL GOOD.
I'M REAL GOOD. LET'S GO OVER TO THE OSCARS
LOSERS SIDE. ALL RIGHT.
FIRST UP, HE'S A RAPPER WHO WON LAST YEAR FOR BEST SONG,
BUT HE LOST THIS YEAR. COMMON.
>> YEAH, YEAH. BLESSINGS, YO.
IT'S AN HONOR TO BE HERE PART OF THIS FAMILY.
DESPITE OUR FEUD WE STILL PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE, PROVIDE FOR
THE CHILDREN, MAKE SURE THEIR FUTURES ARE STABLE.
>> YEAH, OKAY. OKAY.
LET'S SLOW IT DOWN THERE DR. MARTIN LUTHER.
ALL RIGHT. NEXT, NOMINATED FOR "THE SHAPE
OF WATER" IT'S THE LADY THAT GOT BUSY WITH THE FISH MAN.
SALLY HAWKINS. >> HELLO, STEVE.
>> NOW, TELL ME, WAS THAT FISH MAN ACTUALLY SEXY?
OOH! SWAMPY.
NEXT, HE'S A BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR NOMINEE AND KIND OF LOOKS
LIKE THE JOKER WITHOUT THE MAKEUP.
HERE'S WILLEM DAFOE. HOW YOU FEELING WILLEM?
>> TOTALLY RELAXED. >> YOU SURE?
>> YEP. JUST COOLING OUT, STEVE.
[ CREEPY LAUGH ] >> SPOOKY LITTLE GOBLIN.
ALL RIGHT. FINALLY, HE WAS NOMINATED FOR
"CALL ME BY YOUR NAME," TIMOTHEE CHALAMET.
>> STOP. COME ON.
YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME. I'M SO CUTE.
>> HEY, MAN. I SAW YOU IN THAT MOVIE GETTING
BUSY WITH A PEACH. I GUESS A FISH WASN'T AVAILABLE.
LET ME GET TWO PLAYERS UP HERE. LET'S PLAY THE "FEUD."
♪♪♪ >> YO, YO, YO FRANCES, THIS IS A
PRIVILEGE. >> YEAH.
I MAY BE SMILING, BUT I'M NOT FRIENDLY.
>> FEEL THAT CHEMISTRY CRACKLE. ALL RIGHT.
100 PEOPLE SURVEYED. NAME SOMETHING YOU DO WHEN YOU
GET UP IN THE MORNING. COMMON.
>> THE FIRST THING I DO -- WELL, INSPIRE, ILLUMINATE,
MULTIPLY, TEACH OUR CHILDREN THE WAYS IN WHICH ONE AMPLIFIES OUR
VOICES AND OUR CHOICES WILL GLORIFY --
>> ALL RIGHT. LET'S BUZZ THAT.
LET'S BUZZ HIM. MAN, YOU AIN'T NO RAPPER.
YOU'RE LIKE A TED TALK SET TO MUSIC.
FRANCES? FIRST THING YOU DO IN THE
MORNING? >> WELL, YOU KNOW, AS A WOMAN IN
THE INDUSTRY I'VE GOT TO, YOU KNOW, DOLL MYSELF UP.
SO I DO MY SKIN CARE REGIMEN WHICH IS JUST STRAIGHT UP
VASELINE. AND THEN I CURL MY HAIR USING MY
OWN ANGER. BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, I'VE HAD IT.
>> OKAY. SHOW ME SOME LADY YELLING.
OH, MAN. NUMBER THREE ANSWER.
ALL RIGHT. Y'ALL GOT THE BOARD.
OKAY. HERE WE GO.
GIUSEPPE DAYTONA. SOMETHING YOU DO WHEN YOU GET UP
IN THE MORNING. >> MORNINGS ARE MYSTERIOUS.
WHEN DAWN BREAKS, I CHECK MY NIGHTMARE TRAPS FOR MONSTERS.
OH, EXCUSE ME. I DROPPED MY GLASSES.
AAH! >> AAH!
NO, NO, NO! OH, YOU ARE CRAZY, DEL TACO.
LET'S GO WITH ALLISON JANNEY. WHAT DO YOU DO IN THE MORNING?
>> GOSH, I DON'T DO MUCH. I SHOOT AN EPISODE OF "MOM."
THAT'S WHY THERE AREN'T JOBS FOR WOMEN.
I TOOK THEM ALL. >> SHOW ME LOADING UP YOUR IMDB
PAGE. >> OKAY, JORDAN PEELE.
SOMETHING YOU DO IN THE MORNING. >> WELL, RIGHT NOW I'M WORKING
ON A MOVIE ABOUT BEN CARSON. >> OH, WHAT'S THAT CALLED?
>> "GET OUT 2, WAKE UP BROTHER." >> THAT WOULD EXPLAIN IT.
SHOW ME MAKING A MOVIE ABOUT THE WALKING DEAD.
OH, MAN. NOT UP THERE.
ALL RIGHT, OSCAR LOSERS, YOU HAVE A CHANCE TO STEAL.
GIVE ME SOME ANSWERS. >> I CAN'T SAY.
>> FROLIC. >> OKAY.
COMMON, YOU'RE THE TEAM LEADER. DO YOU HAVE AN ANSWER?
>> ANSWERS. THEY'RE NOT UP ON SOME BOARD.
THEY'RE INSIDE US. >> OH, LORD.
HERE WE GO. HERE WE GO.
>> FROM MARTIN TO MALCOLM TO BARACK AND MICHELLE, WE CAN MAKE
LIGHT OUT OF THE DARK AND FIND HEAVEN AND HELL.
YOU'RE YOUR OWN FUTURE. JUST GOT COME OUT OF YOUR SHELL.
RAISE YOUR FISTS AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.
>> JUST GO TO COMMERCIAL. >> YOU HAVE THE POWER.
YOU HAVE THE ABILITY. EVERYTHING CAN CHANGE IN AN
INSTANT.
