Everything Wrong With Volcano In 8 Minutes Or Less

reading sped up footage used to zoom audience over la skyline coming disasterous punishment for human solutions in case the skyline flyover didn't do it it's followed by a gratuitous montage of la landmarks John Corbett isn't being a charming small-town radio DJ and/or breaking up with Sarah Jessica Parker in this scene Mike makes his dog eat eggs next to a piping hot skillet translation Rolex outbid tag for the product placement gig not me I love earthquakes especially at hospitals volcano caused by an earthquake nerd glasses are nerdy right after the earthquake at 914 a.m. the police get a call about a 914 in progress coincidence or aliens nicorette gum as character development are they holding this press conference in a gymnasium without asking these guys to stop shooting for a few minutes the Metro red line workers computer has software built-in to track and score their illegal side bets on the epicenter of earthquakes we interrupt this disaster movie to bring you a supervillain origin story the volcanic gas burned only one side of this guy's face so that it would be dramatic for the audience later also Tommy Lee Jones let someone else play two-face in this scene dormant volcano directly underneath Los Angeles somehow went unnoticed for years by every single scientist geologists and various nerd in the entire world that metal door kept rat killing molten heat at bay I can't believe he owns Rummikub also how many globes do you need in this house unibrow is Uni uses the vague term geologic events so that Mike can ask what the hell that is and we can get a lesson on plate tectonics and magma are you [ __ ] serious scientists definition of knowledge is different from the dictionary girl this movie definitely needed a romantic subplot between the 28 year old Anne Heche and the 51 year old Tommy Lee Jones also right after Amy makes a remark about not being taken seriously because they're women they launch right into this she needs a man portion of the movie we'll be right back after this commercial break where is the volcano erupts under Los Angeles chapter of this book sure gather samples while crouching down directly over the fissure this is gonna get a lot worse before it gets better the gas coming from this fissure conveniently decides not to ship into and bake the entire tunnel so that Amy can survive this unholy fissure of death just killed my partner let's look down into it so wait a minute do you mean that while all this is going on with the ax manhole covers blowing their lives and volcanic rocks flying all over the place but the tunnel amy was in managed to be calm during all that how did the conductor survive all those rocks smashing directly into him a few minutes ago all the looters have to run in the same direction apparently oh no the dog well the little dog make it to safety if this one dog makes it out then that will make up for the thousands that didn't off-screen what the [ __ ] lady she would love seeing people die and suffer and burn there's no way they could hear her yelling and even if they could are they gonna listen to some random lady shouting in the street what is this plan supposed to do again they're gonna lay a bus in front of the lava and then what unfortunately we don't ever find out what this likely stupid plan is since Amy interrupts Mike mid-sentence because he doesn't know what to call the lava were they standing right there while the cops on the other side fired their guns in this direction you mean including any buses you might decide to put in front of it oh come on also the other trees are still standing even though they've been sitting in lava far longer the bus isn't doing jack oh so the lava is alive and sentient oh it's just like crash only with more volcanoes this guy can't believe that the firefighter doesn't know what street he's talking about even though all of Los Angeles appears to be burning right now what did you say boss I could understand you while you were running and shouting and while everyone else was running and you know over all the general commotion lava melts the biggest human antagonist of the movie and we're supposed to feel bad about it it takes 20 seconds for lava to melt a man but it takes several hours for it to knock down these trees unless one of them wants to inconveniently trap people next to a bus not one single person has a radio in all this mess how do you coordinate a job like this by yelling when there's all this hustle and bustle of the concrete dividers really form an airtight seal and I think only one worried about lava leaks here racist cop immediately gets out of the way when a black guy he arrested yells something at him I'm so glad this racist subplot turned into something positive also this is the fastest racial reconciliation since that very special Fresh Prince episode see you like this gap here in the concrete is that really gonna stop lava or any liquid at all from getting through there my dad normally I'd just ding dialogue this bad and move on but this is so exceptionally terrible that I think I've been up to go the extra step of also saying what the [ __ ] is wrong with you Hollywood is this guy really doing a live remote three feet in front of the lava pretty much her jubilation those houses should be completely gone by now and wasn't that Street getting covered in lava too also if that neighborhood on a side street was getting covered in lava Haunted stopping the lava flow on Wilshire prevent the lava from going further into that neighborhood we stopped building under the Beverly Center lost in a good movie attempts to make the huge volcano eruption more dramatic by putting the protagonists daughter right in the crossfire I know that I said them all over there along with my daughter [Music] you don't have time for this man I'm with you it's total bull so you wanted to blow up the street not gonna [ __ ] no way babe a whole lot more than 60 seconds went by since you said 20 minutes were left sure I'm glad this movie spent time fleshing out this subplot or else I might not have given a damn oh wait I still don't I was so now mike has a radio and quite conveniently for the movie it doesn't work building collapses in slow motion in the background while everyone else in the foreground moves at normal speed oh you didn't see that Mike out runs a collapsing building and somehow tackles the kids far enough out of the way to safety unlikely how neat that is to be able to survive a building falling on you and have easily removed rubble fall in a pile near you and not on you [Music] thanks to the Moll K no no one was racist in Los Angeles ever again thank God they drove max all the way out here so he could be with the family at the end of the movie also did they make a special trip to get the dog before they came here look before oh that phone is done more reading also suspenseful word crawl takes forever but tells us everything we need to know as soon as the letter a shows up [Music] got a ribbon here can you hear us can you make a knocking sound again sound like is over you it was it was two knocks both thump that's you banging thank you you just want to be sure that it's really you my kids that you've sent along the line he would like to speak with you [Music] each and every one of you as a hard-target search of every gas station residence warehouse farmhouse henhouse outhouse a dog out in that area well what is it hot you [Music]

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 3,329,558

Keywords: everything wrong with, cinema sins, volcano mistakes, everything wrong with volcano, wave jockey job, volcano movie sins, eww, volcano review, cinema sins volcano, cinemasins, volcano, volcano film, volcano sins, volcano movie

Id: YS9DpKeTKs4

Length: 9min 27sec (567 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 21 2014