Everything Wrong With Pet Sematary (2019)

literary reasons are not there's still not spelled right I'm a sinner I mean it's in my job title and everything trees Thrones roads towns excitement I really hate when movies start at the end and then go all the way back to the beginning of the story to see how we got there but if it's gonna do that at least show something more interesting than bloody foot and hand prints this is more pointless than that time joe maddon brought Jon Lester in to pitch the fifth inning of Game seven of the World Series when Kyle Hendricks was pitching perfectly well cubs no it's definitely not Boston yeah that's what I hate most about Boston not the obnoxious sports fans or the drunk and racist frat boys or the institutional wealth disparity it's the distinct lack of trees very nice sign and very welcoming but aren't camping and fishing activities I'm just saying when you've got taxpayer money on the line to create a town sign you could be a little more efficient and cost-effective everything should be inside good eat a dick movie in fact eat all the dicks for pretending that this truck makes this much noise but only when it's right on top of the driveway you okay yeah just started moving this family with two young kids is extremely cool with rogue taker trucks recklessly zooming by their front yard I mean I have a lot of land but the front yard is relatively suburban sized if one of their kids wasn't killed by a truck within a couple days of playing out there would be a huge surprise you can't miss it I don't think anyone will miss it the graveyard shift in the ER seriously movie casually mentioned graveyard shift I've seen subtler references in a car DB video meanwhile on saw 8 also these masks are more hilarious than terrifying seriously a horse a mouse a king rabbit the kids have a shockingly diverse array of former pets what's your profession psycho parade not for fun the screenwriter said how can I write an answer to this girl's question that's ridiculously oblique but it's also unfunny aha I've got it between these two lamps on the overhead it is possible to allow at least sunlight into the room right Rollo creepy credit you're the doctors little girl okay Jesus this girl grew up in [ __ ] Boston and you're telling me no one ever taught her about stranger danger is this place pet cemetery and you read the sign yeah I spelled it wrong Helle Fanta terrible would be excellent cinemasins we you know better than to wander off by yourself I guess I could buy that Ellie accidentally herself into the cemetery but her mom found her in minutes flat there it's not a different direction she could have gone on this property according to the subtitles the whispering is saying jug come back why would the pet cemetery ghost wanting to come back and why I have to go say something like that if the audience can't hear it why is the scene I haven't seen a wall this intimidating since Matt Damon was king of China I seem scary but it's not well then we'll be anticipating its own reviews it's all keeps living and goes to heaven just like Nana Creed oh yeah I forgot about Nana Creed bless her soul she beat the absolute hell out of Rocky's grandma back in 1927 I know the scene is supposed to be creepy because of the Zelda what's really bothering me is how long it's been since anyone dusted the chest of drawers so you you really don't think there's anything after we die no man there's some good good acting in this movie especially from Jason Clark and Amy Simons and diving into subject matter like telling your kids about life and death is fertile and interesting ground to cover in a horror film too bad after all this the movie decides to push all this aside for generic spook show festivities why did they remake this movie I mean it's not like the originals have been classic or anything but it basically did the job of interpreting the book I'm convinced this was just greenlit with the sole intention of making the gore grosser be broken does this mean that Pascal was sacrificed so Lois could hear the warning that he's not going to eat anyway because that would imply that God kills people to warn other people not to bring cats back to life then that's not only are these trucks recklessly driving they apparently don't even turn their lights on until right at the intersection he couldn't win more than 20 years old it was Victor Pascal okay so if you know the dude's name you should have all the information for his truck right which means you should know his exact date of birth rather than this rough estimate even in small town America doctors do keep charts on their patients you know I gotta say it's kind of a weird time for a specific sexual request but I guess it would take his mind off poor Victor colab 'hi scenes still from Harry and the Hendersons slightly ajar drawer that contains gun is slightly ajar and Gunny Pet Sematary do we own that too yes part of your property this was definitely a discussion between execs at Paramount before they convinced themselves to remake this movie huh I guess the others did finally make it off the island did this response conveys zero information is he late for work was Louis even work at all so far we've seen him at the office for like three total minutes where are these kids trick-or-treating sure they're not walking down the road of big rig chaos do you look like a ghost don't you that's racist that's something you need to see ya better come take a look at this cliche seriously you couldn't at least whisper to Louis that his cat may have been run over I was supposed to pray or dinner so he wasn't supposed to because it didn't what's called well it is dumb also this position is so awkwardly crammed into this part of the movie that it should be in a news report blaring at full volume from a TV and a crowded ball now I have some oatmeal hohoho and they really loved that cat didn't she on what basis is judge making this judgment here this is the reason they'll eventually go to the resurrection spot but he's barely seen her playing with Church hell if anything Lewis was the one that was with the cat most Lewis is the most useless character in a Stephen King story since Henry Bowers he seriously makes no objection on this late and perilous journey I mean he could be curious but remember curiosity killed the cat well and the semi-truck so why doesn't ghost Victor show up at any point during this expedition he comes back later in the movie but the one time he could have prevented the reanimation he's out getting a cup of Earl Grey or something barrier animal and use some of these rocks to make care sure thing quick question what the hell is a Karen slight goddamnit does anyone in this house ever properly answer this very simple question he's right there yes he opened the closet just enough to get in and perch so that he could properly be positioned to give Louis a perfectly timed cat's care you know actually given what we've seen Lewis is probably just as incompetent in human medicine wait someone lugged up full all the way up to the burial grounds and then was able to bury the entire thing I would have been a much more interesting movie I know man I can't believe they're doing another remake of The Wicker Man Cat Scratch eat her must have been an accident take it was a bit tomorrow cousin Louis been researching the zombie animals all night is he really this nonchalant about the thing that definitely happened to his animal last night so comfortable with the situation that he's perfectly fine with Church being around his young kids man whoever came up with these jump scare ideas must have thought them were hysterical flickering lights indicate a spiritual presence in a movie cliche ah sudden Maximum Overdrive [Music] we find out shortly that this is the sound of the dumbwaiter from her old house that her sister died it scary stuff but does that mean this house has hot it because the movie sets up the whole Barry the Indian ground and comes back to life scenario really well but doesn't say about haunted houses or ghosts it's a mistake okay I realize we're in a horror movie but both of these [ __ ] just had extremely lucid hallucinations at the same time and they don't want to discuss it at all it's not like they're a terrible couple or anything been shown to have excellent communication skills damn it turn this round I can't I can't what exactly needs to be turned around besides the cat and the visions both of which really acted up only today it seems like things are going pretty goddamn well out here tell Lois barely has to even show up at work and it doesn't look like Ellie even goes to school local tribes carved him before they fled fled and they knew the power in that place as did I so naturally I waited until after you unleashed a holy feline hell upon your young family before telling you all this backstory ah [ __ ] sing about church hard to say I haven't really seen any in the whole town and really any mention of spirituality is tied to the old Native American mythology oh you meant the dead then resurrected then evicted evil cat sir come on movie if they're gonna drop up Cujo easter-egg don't neuter that the subtitles I have like 50 [ __ ] acres on this property when they play [ __ ] hide-and-seek in the front yard where they know there are dangerous death trucks whizzing by every couple of minutes it's like they wanted this girl to eat it grief-stricken or not this just happened so shouldn't at least some doctoring instincts like administering CPR be kicking in right now at least tried to save Viktor it was arguably in worse shape than Elly we interrupt the Stephen King story to bring you the least offensive seen from antichrist first dunno smart also why the does he have to drug shut sure judge may see him leaving the house and may have a suspicion about what Lois would do but this is pretty [ __ ] above and beyond making sure is 75 year old man doesn't follow you when you're off to do some grave digging this movie is pasted so lazily feel like I'm watching Jason Clark dig this hole in real time oh hi Victor seriously if this goes we're really interested in preventing this resurrection where was this dumb ass when Lewis spent the three hours digging his daughter up yeah now he's in Boston not only we have no clue where this ghost come from or why he's trying to help the family he's suddenly able to operate to any character's location for the last third of the movie with zero explanation Jesus between the shoveling at the graveyard the rock digging at the burial ground real soon won't be the shoulder pain Louis is going to be dealing with in the morning this [ __ ] better have at least three bottles of by flex close by why did he leave the resurrection section sure Church came back home on his own but is there anything in the bylaws on the burial ground that says you've got a piece out for the magic to work I would give every sin back to this and the 89 film - if we found out that Ellie came back as a cat I even go all the points back to the miniseries if Lewis and Ellie the cat traveled around the country together to solve murders man silently following these child sized footprints makes so much more sense than actually calling out Ellie's name someone from which you very much expect a response did they create the kids wearing masks storyline just to get a cat mask heir 70 minutes into the movie because I think they created the kids wearing masks storyline just to get to a cat mask scare 70 minutes into the movie not bad maybe overdue for a haircut but the afterlife clearly hasn't been too bad but a little lady alrighty sleep type just think about all the fun stories we'll get to tell mom tomorrow watch the glass with tiny dancer dying must have aged Ellie right up to her teenage years cuz this girl's got some serious attitude these days also seriously what's up with dead Ellie she pissed that Louis brought her back she resentful of the family being alive is she happy she's home to be with her dad possessed by a demagogue in from the burial ground honestly the character makes no sense when she comes back and even if it's explained in the book in case you forgot let me dust this sucker off you've done something else it's not too late I didn't do it way too late for this judge the movies already on blu-ray for God's sake landlines how did Ellie get all the way across the yard past the locked door up into the upstairs room to make the commotion then back downstairs to be in position to stab John Hughes as the demon who produced this movie I did what I think was right let God take his own [ __ ] kid I hate to actually you hear Louis but according to a popular theology no huh I figured Rachel was more of a boner fan is it taking a vacation with the residents of Ludlow because it sure does seem like whatever this monster is it takes the shape of your greatest fear even though it should just be a zombie Ellie in the flesh walking around the house here oh you say it's a Windigo Wow I say you can win to go yourself me when I realize there's still over ten minutes left of this [ __ ] movie what was her plan if Lewis hadn't run around the corner she's just going to drop gage [Music] your sister Wow Ellie cuts deep I mean she's really twisting the knife I mean she's a real backstabber no I feel like 63% at the last act of this movie is Louis waking up confused it's basically the same as the end of Logan yeah I guess does anyone have any data on the power differential of an exhausted deranged doctor first as an immortal demon armed with a knife because it seemed like a a consistent we had the upper hand here but Louis was able to stop this particular knife attack demise of the Planet of the Apes it's been maybe an hour since Ellie killed Rachel and she had to drag her all the way out to the burial ground and then she had to be resurrected and get back to the pet cemetery to kill Louis I'm not saying it's impossible all that happened in this time frame but I am saying it's impossible that all that happened in this time frame man hey how great this last shot would be in a movie that wasn't repeat closing credits contain no novelty Ramones songs that's how you die I was faking who used ninja focus to slow my heart rate down ever since cinemasins began the most requested thing has been TV since and now it's a reality click the link in the description below to check it out and now the audio outtakes enters to hit all my feet are you looking for the slap and tickle George I'm out of there buddy gotta keep living man Li VI in my name is Lester Burnham this is my neighborhood to help me help me [Music] [Applause] [Music]

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 1,696,104

Keywords: everything wrong with, horror movie, eww pet sematary, everything wrong with pet sematary, cinema sins, cinemasins pet sematary, cinemasins, stephen king, mistakes, scary, pet sematary remake review, pet sematary review, scary movies, movie review, pet sematary 2019, eww, stephen king pet sematary, remake, horror, movie, pet sematary, review, pet sematary remake, pet sematary cinemasins, movie reactions, wave jockey job

Id: ktDH4MG3dtA

Length: 14min 37sec (877 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 10 2019