Everything Wrong With Moonfall in 20 Minutes or Less

sinners go vows to our newest domain of nifty delights and behold commercial sins oh and subscribe immediately so the order goes click sub simple as that oh actually watch the video jesus i guess i need to make a flow chart commercial sends go now t-minus 15 seconds most movies give us 50 seconds of logos and then accept their punishment in the form of synth but this of a movie decides to blend its circle jerk into the opening footage and narration so i haven't got a clue if i'm watching something relevant to the movie or another damn production company reveal and that makes me rageful also movie wants us to believe that men actually landed on the moon i've seen the historically accurate diamonds are forever i know the real story we wouldn't dare play the music but currently the song africa by toto can be heard and the sin as always is weezer also movie has time for this toto recall bullsh well i should know because i karaoked it at my wedding well for going by karaoke rules then someone needs to re-release robert palmer's addicted to love with the actual lyrics as i sing them no you're gonna have to face it you dick with the glove looks like we've got a black and ominous looking cloud thing causes drama cliche i just hope this gets a better explanation than the smoke monster and lost yes i'm still mad about that and so should you be also are we not done with the alien goop stuff wants to with humanity movies life venom the x-files fight the future prometheus fantastic four that seems like a lot we have obtained footage of an internal nasa debriefing holy how great is the sound on a laptop this mom could hear that all the way downstairs this inquiry is being filmed from at least five different angles for maximum cinematic effect did they get kubrick to direct this too dad's not coming is he crappy dad in the disaster movie is crappy cliche i swear to god if this kid has asthma as well i am out come on casey you can't just sit on another man's throne whenever you want to that's his throne this isn't a game [Music] oh crap with that red or blue please tell me it was blue look if we're going for random pop culture references can we at least go for once that makes sense he's trying to uncover the truth here so wouldn't he be wishing he'd taken the red pill what a baffling mix of bumper stickers not confused if we're supposed to root for this guy or not clearly believes in some crazy conspiracy theories but is also pro-mexican-us relations how am i supposed to maintain my reputation as a judgmental when i'm faced with the reality that people are complex and can believe in multiple things i need you to patch me through to the director of nasa immediately honey i sell t-shirts and toys if that's the case why are you still there after the place that sells t-shirts and toys is closed so the moon's been orbiting around the earth for billions of years and now you're telling me it's changed its course somebody heard this exact same pitch and green lit 150 million dollar movie i understand how a restraining order works but a few people at nasa won't listen to me movie wants you to believe that kc while acting like a conspiracy fueled crackpot is at least smart enough to be right about the majority of things that happened but then wants you to also believe that he would have the gay aliens found in ufo wreck headline displayed in the middle of his conspiracy board what would they long do i don't think buying it is the answer here fuzz aldrin how many times have i told you to use the litter box cats [Music] you're a damn genius look i have seen many uses and forms of news position over the years but a newspaper drenched in cat urine is a new one and while it may be the most unique form of news position it's also easily the grossest my hands are tied and kcs are covered in cat urine open door so now we're witnessing the former decorated protagonist is now a washed up alcoholic who can't pay his rent on time cliche moon fall is playing all the hits to put it bluntly the moon is a mega structure casey will go on to fill these kids brains with a nonsense conspiracy theory that the moon is an artificial structure created by aliens what sucks is that he's right what sucks even more is that this isn't the most ridiculous thing i've heard being taught in schools hey fellas i need this guy escorted off the premises for impersonating me and creeping out a bunch of school kids i was not impersonating you that's the part that offends you this guy has been washed up for a decade can't make it to a public appearance on time and has eviction notices piling up but we're supposed to believe he'd also have fresh ginger in his kitchen do you have any idea how a courtroom operates why is tom having this phone call in the entrance area of his dealership does he really want random potential car buyers hearing about his personal life we can potentially get stc 62 enroute by tomorrow potentially great i'll just brief the president on a maybe what else do you expect her to do it's not her fault we cancelled the shuttle program come to think of it why aren't they going to elon musk for help strike's husband there's no way this goddamn army general would have been referred to as her ex-husband by this random co-worker especially since this isn't fowler's personal phone suggesting this is most likely an internal holy the moon is de-orbiting phone call rather than who's picking jimmy up from school today call there's no need to panic that's all for now you just lied to the whole country well duh what was he supposed to say the moon is about to make an emergency water landing so cancel any plans he had for the next forever parking your motorcycle here why is casey behind the counter at the hotel diner does casey own the la palm hotel venom let there be moon fall also the science and venom let there be carnage is more accurate than the science and moonfall also also the heads at the bottom of the screen witnessing this ridiculousness are not mike t nelson tom servo and cro-t robot i would have also accepted joel hodgson or jonah ray i realize there's not a thing nasa can do at this point but i'm having a hard time believing this many people are still looking at the screen watching their co-workers get brutally murdered and if that is the norm then god damn it that bothers me even more you're probably expecting me to sin this dude's socks and sandals combination but alas i was too busy being befuddled by the two wall lamps here that are lighting the same real estate as these two table lamps casey what are you doing you're seriously just asking this question now i've been wondering what kc is doing in just about every goddamn scene he's been in i can't swim cliche it's everything we feared about a.i everything we thought we knew about the nature of the universe has just gone out the window i really like halle berry but her character is given some of the vegas and dumbest thing to say in this movie how can this confirm what they feared about a.i and go against everything they know about the universe yes this monster is terrifying but so is the fact that people risk their health to go out and watch this movie if you're serious about going down the nasa rabbit hole you should pay a visit to holden field or you could just tell her and save everyone from the 10 minutes of exposition in this already bloated movie you waiting for something how does this work she could have stolen that badge if we're assuming this guy is dumb enough to stick around after all the reports from that day then we would also have to assume he at least takes the security protocols at nasa seriously this would at the very least require a phone call you're not supposed to have that oh man they dragged poor donald sutherland from buffy the vampire slayer into this garbage fire that's classified top secret why is nasa lying about all this july 20th 1969. holy that's the quickest 180 i've seen outside of a fast and furious movie mr bennett spills literally everything he's been tasked with keeping secret for the last 50 years because she asked nicely at technology it's light years ahead of us the only shot we had to stop it was zulu x-ray 7. because alien technology far beyond anything we can even fathom was somehow circumvented by technology from the 70s we have a theory that the moon might return to its original orbit and how do you propose we do that exactly i am working on a solution fowler went into this meeting with nothing more than i'm working on it why isn't she coming to the table with the mystery plan from the 70s that was when i first dreamed of being an astronaut this was the point in the movie when i first started dreaming about a skip that's the mario christian i'm pretty sure there are nasa scientists and astronauts who have not heard the mari crisium name dropped in their life as many times as it is in this movie this movie is 17 mario christian shout outs it's highly likely our moon was built by aliens why exactly are josenda and brian having such a hard time believing casey they saw the footage of the crew members being attacked aliens sound as plausible as anything else at this point if i do this i'm gonna need something in return you dude how about still having a planet to live on looks like we missed the party who the is looting the goddamn nasa gift shop in the opening days of the apocalypse where the world is gonna run out of that astronaut ice cream for anyone who thought using a relic ship in battleship was the biggest bunch of nonsense they'd ever seen moonfall would like you to hold its astronaut ice cream we've been here how long now and nobody's bothered to paint over that and why would they who has time or the to give for graffiti on a space shuttle when the moon is about to kill everyone on the planet thank you for getting me out you can thank your dad all those other people that are stuck in the prison am i right thankfully our friends at spacex have a propellant depot currently in orbit damn it i just lost 50 bucks i bet my buddy gary that we'd have a starbucks in orbit before we had a gas station i'm a felon my god if this movie sucks elon musk's dick any harder it'll be too sword of twitter look if anyone finds out what i've done for you he says loud enough for all the officers on the aircraft with him to here having open containers near all the technology you are currently using to save the planet see why are you guys still here why are they still here did the announcement just not reach them nobody popped their head into this office to say hey uh the rockets are and so are we but party in colorado if we launch when the moon is directly above us the increased gravitational pull should give the shuttle a boost giving you a really good chance of getting an orb [Laughter] also this works my guys will stay back and handle the launch listen i don't know how many people it takes to launch a shuttle but that nasa control room always looks pretty crowded so i'm guessing it's more than two what about the emp device it's still on the moonlander you mean the top secret josendo's husband could get his ass in prison if anyone found out he let her have it emp device of course that's still there why would anyone take that back with them this movie is dumb if the moon really is what you think it is we're gonna need a mega structurist nope i don't care how earnestly it's said that still sounds dumb as and should not be the last hope for planet earth also the very idea that kc could withstand the launch in the shuttle is the g-forces would be too much for someone with no training you know this was all your idea right i mean it wasn't though was it he just asked where the shuttles have gone look if this kid's earliest memory is saving the planet then you are setting him up for some unrealistic expectations when he hits the job market you do know how to start a car right wait why are they even in a car what happened to chopper's ready come on let's go that was like 10 minutes ago where did this jeep bull come from it's as if the movie came in short so they hurdly added this road trip to bulk up the run time and kill michael pena does stopping the car and getting out to watch the big wave seem like a smart move right now because it's not you are all dumb and deserve to die this is gonna be close josinda brian and kc survive this get back in the car sonny harper out races a gravity wave current momentum and gravity can we do it oh i don't know just a reminder that the main reason casey was brought on this flight was to do exactly the thing he doesn't even get close to being able to do listen we don't have a great track record for getting space sins right so i'm just going to spray 10 sins here because i'm certain there are at least 10 laws of physics being broken during the moon approach i'll just let you guys argue over which ones are worth sending it's on airplane mode rover electronics activated returning to the endeavor i'm really struggling with what this movie decides is an electrical signal i mean something has to be powering the lights something is telling the thrusters to thrust and heck even this keypad here is being powered by something right they're acting like they know exactly how this ai works when a matter of days ago they didn't even know the damn thing existed wait wait wait wait if you were to tell me before i saw a moon fall that they would be ripping off tremors at any point i wouldn't have believed you but here we are your phone case of your phone turn it off now they're telling him this thing now after they watch them take goddamn pictures with it but only now do they realize it might count as an electronic signature these people are astronauts it's like it's programmed to seek out organic matter in an electronic environment why would this hyper-intelligent ai impose such a specific set of restrictions on itself we're eventually told that its purpose is to seek out all human life in the galaxy and destroy it does it matter if that life is in an electrical environment i'd be less dumbfounded if they told me the nazis built it i'm sorry but this remote was absolutely smashed and this movie seriously needs to pick a lane either harper broke it and won't be able to use it again or it wasn't truly broken and the terminator from genesis should have killed them all but if they plan on using icbms and they're gonna have to wait until the moon enters the stratosphere that's less than two hours harper sets his watch by this guess about when missiles might possibly be headed their way as if it's going to make a damn bit of difference in what he has to do next apparently we can't have a disaster movie without an arbitrary countdown to build some artificial tension thanks so much karen karen is getting for defending her property from strangers and can we stop on the name karen what started as a joke about a stereotype has now i'm sure escalated into some genuine problems for all the cairns out there that are perfectly decent people he's up there trying to stop what's happening up where outer space tom what's with the tom's uh sonny the did he do wrong why do we always have to hate on the stepfathers that's a way to avoid rent i take it back turns out everyone in this movie is an unlikable can he flies a little closer to the wall backseat drivers the moon's mantle's just a a protective shell genius getting one of your characters to call your own concept genius you did all this for us oh you shouldn't have i'm glad the story moved away from the mega structures in the moon this whole movie's been building up to so we could witness aspen colorado's dinner theater production of the road this is so much more exciting that's a white dwarf i knew it but for the millionth time how what was he basing this on that not a single credible scientist on the planet was able to detect also believe it or not i did some research on the smallest white dwarf to be discovered so far is still slightly larger than the moon itself and is so dense that it's on the edge of blowing its load any century now look the universe is a pretty incredible place so maybe there's a white dwarf out there small enough to fit inside the moon but that would be so dense this tiny lander wouldn't have a hope and hell of escaping holy why does it feel like the only direction game of thrones here got was to shout things loudly and be extra british when needed i thought gordon ramsay had that corner of the american market covered quite nicely his theory is that all megastructures are actually arcs ziggy smokes a lot of weird be that as it may you are currently sitting inside one of ziggy's weed and deuce theories so perhaps save your judgmental assigns for a movie that gives a about logic it's trying to be the last this has pretty much been the ai's mo this entire film why is casey surprised the moon is rising gravity's gonna go crazy totally this works they survive this i become a jets fan whatever you feel like is the harshest punishment also here's 50 sins because i hate unrealistic car commercials that has to be what it is i refuse to believe any longer that this is a movie i told you the moon was built by aliens this movie is dumb the characters in it are done the concept is dumb i'm dumb for watching it and even dumber for trying to find logic in it from now on i'm leaving my brain at home and using my skull as a popcorn bucket brian hopper how many brians you think are inside the mold josinder would be the moon falliest at cinemasins all the memories of my son are happy even the one where he was courted off to jail from the courtroom that's weird what are you i'm a construct from your minds whether deliberately or otherwise movie manages to rip off the wormhole aliens from star trek deep space nine and gets a sin for reminding me that we still won't have an hd remaster of one of the best sci-fi series ever made billions of years ago your ancestors were once a thriving civilization the conceit that aliens built the moon is a pretty wacky setup for your movie and it's downright impressive to top that by making those aliens humans their own creation turned against them the ai certainly became self-aware the fact that ai could eventually become so advanced that it would likely turn on its fleshy creators as a concept that even those cavemen have theorized about so how did a civilization billions of years in the making not think of this and come up with a solution for it where's their version of james cameron the ai started a war movie shows us a story line that would have been so much more interesting than the one we've been subjected to for the last 98 minutes i'm programmed to tell you about the origin of your planet but only when it's on the edge of annihilation with barely any time left to save itself from the thing that got us here in the first place your solar system was one of the only suitable places to initiate the creation of a new and habitable planet seems like as good a time as any to point out casey said that he suspected the moon was fake because it was exactly 400 times smaller than the sun and 400 times closer to the earth well if that's his great piece of evidence how the did that come about if the human aliens didn't know where the moon was even going to end up after your planet was born your ancestors seeded it with their own genetic signature i have never heard the theory that god's jacked off all over the earth to birth human kids it's weird they don't teach that in school weirdly makes as much sense as anything else also there's no guarantee that the same human life as they knew it will result from that evolution is as much about the environment as it is genetics yet somehow we ended up looking exactly the same as humans who evolved on the other side of the galaxy brian what's the plan save the moon save earth that's literally been the plan the whole time but if they can fix our lander why can't they do anything about the damn swarm oh yes the part of the film where we have to dedicate time to explaining why the super advanced civilization needs the help of squishy cave people to solve their problems all valid questions with no satisfactory answers other than we wanted to make a movie about the moon holy sh it's like we just got an upgrade they're helping us kill this thing and here's your reminder that we managed to invent something in the 1970s that is capable of killing an ai billions of years in the making that has yet to be bested by even the older society that created it looks like we got about 10 minutes left and then the military is going to launch how exactly will the military be notified even if brian and crew get this taken care of in under 10 minutes josenda's ex-husband doesn't decide at the last minute to not use his key for the nukes all of this is for naught it has zero to do with whatever timeline casey decided was accurate let's go you son of a did the swarm made of trillions of tiny nanobots forget that it is under no obligation to act as a solid and therefore did not have to get stuck in this door oh my god moving i could not give less of a sh why won't you end what the hell are you doing this movie is filled with people making insane choices that are only ever made in movies but this has got to be the worst example the planet is minutes away from total destruction and he bails on humanity's last hope because he thinks there's a chance his wife is still alive and able to save the day dude that moment has passed there's no way he risks the entire planet on a hunch that his wife will still pull through unless he's seen the ending of the movie this was your plan to use yourself as bait one of us has to stay in there or it won't work i don't wish to be morbid here but if the thing is just looking for organic matter next to an electrical signal could you not just 127 hours of you know leave an arm or leg behind come on don't act like that is any more ridiculous than anything else you've seen in the last two hours you're putting the fate of the world in the hands of your ex-wife and some has been an astronaut she's never let me down before i mean other than that time she divorced you right god help you if you're wrong god help us all if i'm understanding the science correctly god can just go jizz all over another planet and have a restart so god could very well have no interest in helping you my mom always said it's better to beg for forgiveness than us permission don't wanna close my eyes i don't wanna fall asleep cause i miss you baby and i don't wanna miss a thing you underestimated us did they though if you don't have the convenient exposition fed to you by the moon people you're not in the position you are now maybe they underestimated how lucky you could get man seriously did everyone take away the wrong lesson from speed as i sit through another generic end of disaster family reunion i am brought some comfort that this movie only made 58 million worldwide while a movie like the martian made well over 600 million now that's not to say a lot of good people didn't work very hard to make this movie but i just hope that in the future those efforts can be channeled toward projects that aren't so mind-numbingly generic and oh my god is it still going we should get started get started with what i guess we'll find out in the sequel sequel well it was all fake i don't want to move i hate new jersey new jersey this means something i don't hear anything about i don't believe in vampires because i don't believe in vampires but i believe in my own two eyes and what i saw is vampires good morning in less than an hour aircraft from here will join others from around the world go get them commander well you're a of motivation [Music] so this is a happy memory what do you say we cut the chit chat a-hole skynet begins to learn at a geometric rate it becomes self-aware 2 14 a.m eastern time august 29th it's you you're the rocket man damn we should get started get started with what [Music] what do we learn palmer i don't know sir i don't know either i guess we learned not to do it again

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 478,667

Keywords: wave jockey job, cinemasins, cinema sins, everything wrong with, eww, movie, review, movie review, moonfall, halle berry, patrick wilson, moonfall reaction, sins, flubs, nitpicks, roland emmerich, disaster, moon, film, donald sutherland, bad movies

Id: wFZ50uiKx-s

Length: 21min 18sec (1278 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 28 2022