*WHAPISH* TOP OF MORNIN TO YA LADDIES! MY NAME IS JACKSEPTICEYE AND WELCOME BACK TO GOOGLE FEUD!!! It's been a long time. It's been a hot minute. We haven't done this in a REALLY long time. I'm probably still very bad at it, but that's okay! :D Sometimes it's okay to be bad at something'. Ya don't always have to be fantastic at it. So... Choose a category! I forget which categories-- [Inhale] --exactly do what, so i'm just gonna go with questions. What is the best kind of...? Hm. "What is the best kind of" person! That's not there. I really wanted to know the answer to that. I wanted to know what the best kind of person was. Is it me? Is it you? Is it EVERYBODY? We're ALL the best kinda people! What is the best kind of spaghetti? [Papyrus impersonation] What is the best kind of spaghetti? I don't fucking know, man! What is the best kind of... *thinks* ...cheese! Well, of course cheese wasn't there, because I spelt it "cheesew." :/ What is the best kind of coconut oil?!? Weed. OF COURSE. I forgot to put down weed. It's ALWAYS weed. Weed is the first thing to go to. Next round. Okay. Questions. Everything tastes... like wEED! "Everything tastes"... okay, okay. Sour. Okay, bitter. Okay! :D Alright, okay. Getting some frickin' score-a-roo's in this one! Everything tastes.... like... copper. like... ...brooooooooken dreams. *giggle* Everything tastes like my... terrible childhood. D: Everything tastes like Magikarps. Um... Everything tastes sweet, I guess? Everything tastes salty. HAHA! There we go: everything tastes salty. If everything tastes salty to you, it's probably because you're a horrible person, and you're really bitter, and you're just tasting salt everywhere you go. You know why? It's not because everything else tastes like salt; it's because YOU taste like salt. It's because everything in your body tastes like salt. Everything around you is salt. [relatable] The... the saliva in your mouth. The f--follicles on your arms. The very AIR you suck in is turned to salt as it passes through your nasal or oral cavities. S A L T Okay. Perfect. Everything tastes...okay, okay. Think. THINK LIKE AN INTERNET PERSON! Everything tastes like memes. B| *giggles* Everything tastes better, WOW! *giggles again* [mumbles] Oh, god, if it said everything tastes better nOW, maybe-- ah, "like metal." I knew that should have been one! Sometimes, if you taste metal, apparently it says something about ya... maybe you're gonna have a heart attack and die? I dunno. Everything tastes bad, everything's better with cat hair in it...? (consideration) Mean I wouldn't know, I'm allergic ummMM Okay, next round. Questions are fun!
"Why is my boyfriend so"... [Jacksepticeye thinking noise.mp3] into C.O.D. right now [laughter] Why is my boyfriend sooOOO SEXY! No one's asking why their boyfriend Is so sexy?! Why is my boyfriend so...stupid. Aww, that's sad! Sexy's not in there, but stupid is? :c You need to find an answer for the stupid, but you don't need to find an answer for the sexy? [stuttering] Why is my boyfriend so sexy is FAR more unexplainable. Why is my boyfriend so stupid? Uh, many reasons. Mainly he's a human. And mainly he's a boy...friend. There! I found two reasons! Um...why is my boyfriend so salt--salty? [giggling in Irish] Bring it back to the last one. Why is my boyfriend so "cute" "hot" sExyyyyyyy! sexYYyyYY??? sExyyyyyyy! :D C'mon no- sexyyyyyy? Why is my boyfriend so jealous? Ah, that was a good one! Anything relationships-wise is jealous..! Why is my boyfriend so annoying. Maybe because he hangs around with YOU all the time and YOU'RE annoying! [giggly] I dunno. Who am i insulting right now? Is It safe to travel to- oooohhhHHHH. This is gonna get a bit too real. Uh...do I actually put down...? [guiltily] sssSyria...? Ughhhhhh, now I feel bad! Oh fuck! Oho no! I thought that all the answers are gonna be stuff like that. Oh! No! Is it safe to travel to...my home planet? um Is it safe to travel to America..? That's not there either. Is It safe to travel to...THE FOURTH DIMENSION. The truth is: no, it's not, cuz you're a three dimensional being and you'll get fUCKED UP in the fourth dimension. Paris, Cuba- -Paris? Well I guess they do get a lot of terrorist attacks over the last few years, which is really sad. But they're like a hub for that recently. Cuba, Egypt..?, Greece, Cancun? Oh, I guess I'm thinking, like, terrorists for some reason or like, weapons or... Just something about the people there--I, uh, I didn't even think about like wildlife, or weather, or diseases. Europe, Dubai, Russia, Puerto Rico, Costa Rica. Whatever, that was a bullshit round. Should I quit... this game? Should I quit... my job. Well, duh, that was gonna be in there. Should I quit... it and hit it? I thought there'd be a bit of a role reversal there, should I quit Scientology None of them? Really. Trying to go for jokes more than I actually have tried to figure out the game so let's move on. Let's go with people. How to build a.. Snowman! Do you wanna build a--NO! Do you wanna drink some whiskey... Black out and forget the day? [giggles] How to build a... New dad. Oh. We all learned something today. How to build.. ..A bear workshop! Fuck. How to build a table? How to build a computer- fUCK DAMMIT YOU WERE RIGHT THERE You didn't give me the answers! >:c How to build a computer, a house... Why would anybody be googling how to build a house? If you know how to build a house, you don't have to google it. if you have to Google it, that means you're probably not building a house. I'm not gonna google "how to build a house," cos I'm not suddenly gonna be like... "Y'know what, I have a spare bit of cash lying around. I have a good bit of lumber...." "Let's fucking build a house! I got a small bit o'land out the back of my house. Why not? Let's build a second one." See, dog house, maybe. Gaming PC... [regret] So disappointed in my gaming PC. SPEAK UP! You piece of shit! How to build a deck... ohhhh, that's a good one. How to build a resume? You don't build one; you craft one. You create one. You birth it from your Mind Vagina. [what] Let's go people again. What's it like to be... famous! What's it like to be stupid? I mean, I shouldn't have had to ask that one. I know, definitely, what it's like to be stupid. [lies and slander, jackaboy] What's it like to be... I don't know. What's it like to be... ..poPULAR? What's it like to be a lions fan? [giggles] What's it like to be a stripper? I dunno. What's it like to be a stripper? [don't do it] Let's Google! :D [jack no] The Unedited Truth of What It's Like To Be A Stripper. This is from this year, so you KNOW that it's got the... the references and the resources that are up to date. "We all know strip clubs have been around for a long time. And let's face it: sex sells." "First of all, it's not easy to get up on that stage." Sure. "This industry is, believe it or not, based on self-confidence. You have to believe it for yourself that you're sexy and flawless, otherwise how are you going to sell it to the crowd?" That's a very good question. A very good question. One I don't know the answer to. Ahhh, shit. I refreshed the page, cos i went into names, and I didn't want to go into names, and now all my score is gone. Okay, let's get into culture! Award for... Biggest douche! :D There he is~ The biggest douche in the universe! Oh, god, I love that scene from South Park. It's so good. Award fer... writing? Okay... Award for--see, this is the thing. S'like the Pulitzer. Or the Oscar. Or somethin'. You don't say "the award for acting." :| At fuckin' number one. Of course it is. Alright, there's lots of awards for acting. The Oscars, n'the Gram--no, not the Grammys. The Emmys...The Grammys are music. Uhhh, the Soapies. Joe from Friends almost won one of them. I mean, technically he won one, cos he stole one, and if you steal something then it's yours. And if you're at an award show where people win awards and you go home with an award, /technically/, you've won an award. I mean, how else would you get one?Award fer... Kindness? ^u^ No. There's no award for kindness. That's just called "Being A Decent Human Being." Uhmm, award for... Thinking out loud! [no] Science? [no] There's no award for science? >:o Award for acting. Excellence? :s What's an Award for Excellence? "The Awards for Excellence in Recycling and Waste Management will take place on the 18th..." [mumbles] Whut? >.< So are the "Awards for Excellence" just a very broad thing where you get awards for being excellent at something? Award in Excellence for Shouting! :D For swearing, please! Where's my award? Actually, no, I don't want awards. Awards are bullshit. Uhhhh, WELL. I shouldn't say that outright. Awards in... show business are bullshit, I should say. Stuff like a Nobel Prize is a pretty big, legitimate, REALLY BIG DEAL. Global warming is... Faaaaake. A lie. Global warming is real? Ohhhh, why is that not the top result? D: Ohh, I never get this. "Is global warming real--" Aw, they're perfectly parallel. [stutters] People are like "I don't believe in global warming." It's not something to believe in! It's not a fucking--it's not Santa! It's something that's ACTUALLY HAPPENING. There's scientific, mathematical proof of it happening! Shit's going down ALL THE TIME because of global warming. And people are like "well, it doesn't FEEL warmer." Like, THAT'S NOT WHAT IT IS! >:O MARGARET! GET BACK INSIDE YOUR HOUSE AND BURN YOUR FOSSIL FUELS! Umm, global warming is... made up... by CHINA! No? That's not there? Some people think that. Some very powerful people think that. It's KINDA SCARY. Global warming is... Uh, unstoppable. Oh. "Global warming is a hoax. Global warming is not real. Global warming is a myth. Global warming is BS." ohHH, why are all the top results-- There's like--there's one "real." And then there's one "natural." And there's one caused by. The rest are all talking about how it's fake. That's legitimately concerning and sad! :D The poor should... [instant regret] ohHHHHH, no. Ohh, I don't wanna answer THIS one! Like, jokes? Immediately came to my head? And I'm like "no, i can't make those /now/." The first I thought of was the poor should geT MORE MONEY. [a flawless plan] Ohhh, please don't tell me this is... Oh, thank /god/. The poor should... [keys clacking] OH THANK GOD. I'm putting them in because I'm like "please don't tell me the internet actually searched this." And I want to get these wrong, because I don't /actually/ know what the answers are. The poor should... [regret] This is even WORSE. Th--that was one of the things that came into my head and I was like "no, there's absolutely NO WAY that would be the top one. Or even BE IN THESE." [sarcastically] "thE POOr should DIE" "The poor should stop being poor." Well, that's KINDA what I was going for, because I fuckin' KNEW the internet would be this stupid. The poor should "seize the means of production." "The poor should stop whining and EAT THEIR BABIES." "The poor should pay more taxes." [sarcasm] THAT makes... SO much sense. "The poor should eat porridge." "The poor should receive everything free. The poor should not be allowed to vote." [anger] Global warming and the poor... very close together, and THESE are the answers we're getting. OHHHH, I doN'T WANt to LIVE oN THIs plaNET AnYMORE Humanity was a mistake. Just--can somebody hit the off switch? On humans? [that's called murder and is typically frowned upon] Yeah? Oh, okay, we're not able to do that. Well, you know what we WILL do then? We'll set a better example and we'll be better humans for the people going forward. Because RIGHT NOW, humans fuckin' SUCK! For the most part, humans are shit. There's so much crap going on the world these days that's just like--why? WHY? You go on Reddit, you go on Twitter, you go on somethin', and there's always new fuckin' NONSENSE happening all the time. How about-- we put more time and effort and concentration into matters that actually are affecting people. Like, recently, the hurricanes are happening. A lot of people are without homes. A lot of people are still even without power. I've had people like tweet at me on their phones saying that they don't even have power anymore back in their house. Which to me is just... mind-boggling. Like, such basic day-to-day stuff that you take for granted all the time. I have so much electricity going right now just to be able to get this video to you. And I take so much of that for granted. And there's people out there who legitimately don't even have houses anymore. Because nature decided to be like "hey, this is happening." Probably because of fuckin' global warming! Though, that's a big topic, and I'm not educated in all of that. And I probably shouldn't make such broad sweeping statements. But it just tied back into something that we'd seen before. But-- How about we stop caring so much about which fucking Kardashian... showed off nipples and a see-through shirt and we started focusing on something that actually MATTERS. In fact, this is a good time to talk about stuff that's going on. We--I haven't actually talked about this in a video yet, but we've been selling charity shirts for the hurricane relief. Now that I'm actually talking about it. And normally I don't plug merch. Normally I don't plug anything that tries to appear like advertising. But whenever something actually comes up that's for a good cause, I feel like it's worth talking about and speaking up about. Otherwise-- what's the point of having... this following? All of this influence? All of this community? All of us here together if we're not able to put it towards something that's positive and good and actually tries to affect the world in some manner? So if you watched the Raw Data HTC Vive video recently, couple of days ago, depending on when this video is gonna go up. I was wearing a gold septic-eye t-shirt. [Sam! :D] Had a big giant gold septic-eye on it, and there's one with small septic-eyes like in this sort of region. This isn't it. This is a coffee cup. That you can get. And any shirt that you buy, proceeds of that will go towards helping the people in the hurricane relief fund. So I feel like that's a really great cause to try and vouch for right now. Because a lot of people are in need and it's something that can have an immediate effect as of right now. Something's that actually going on right now in the world as we speak--as I speak, as you listen. So, I feel like that's a good cause worth putting effort in towards. So. They're weird, and I know people are weird about this type of stuff when you try and plug something in a video. But again, this is going towards charity. This isn't something that's going towards me. I--I tend not to plug merch when it's going towards just myself? But I think this is something worth actually talking about. So, you can go there. I'll leave a link in the description, actually, to go right to that. Actually, there should be a link in the description of every video to go to the merch store anyway. But, um... Those two gold shirts are for the charity relief. Just so you're aware. So. Next round! Let's move on. Ooh, here's a good one! Star Trek is... Laaaame. Bad. S--stupid. Oh. :c Ehh, I thought stupid would be there. [giggle] I myself don't like Star Trek. I... I'm not into it. I LOVE space. [can your computer handle the rendering] I love, like, time travel. I love alien movies. I love scifi. But Star Trek just does not do it for me. [defensive] And I TRIED, I really tried to watch it, but it's just Star Trek just kinda gets bogged down in the politics of things. Or, at least some of the stuff that I've been subjected to kinda deals with that. Whereas I was more of a Star Wars kinda guy because it dealt with more of the... Just the silly, over-the-top, futuristic-y weapons and all that kinda stuff, and the aliens themselves, instead of, like, the semantics and the politics of why these things are there. Well, the prequel trilogy got heavily into politics. But you know what I mean. Star Trek just never... hit that for me. The newer ones-- I still couldn't really get into them. I mean, they're a cool spectacle and everythin', and... the, like, the CG in them is really good, and they're well-made, and there's a lot of actors that I really like that are in those movies, but I just can't do it! D:< and even like Patrick Stuart's in old Star Trek, and I really love Patrick Stuart, I don't think it's--I don't think it's /bad/. I fully understand why people're into Star Trek. I just can't get into it myself. I do like the Starship Enterprise though. That's a pretty cool lookin' ship. Star Trek is... Amazing. Is cool. I don't fuckin' know. "Star Trek is fascist." [laughter] [jack.exe has encountered a problem] Why did I decide to play Google Feud? I'm in a feud with my BRAIN right now. "Star Trek is dead. Star Trek is gay." Of course that's gonna be there. Good job, internet. Well done. Well done. What did--The internet is 13. The last time I described something as "gay"--bein' like, "aw, that's gay"--I was like, between the ages of 13 and 16. Although, WEIRD THING. About two months ago, YouTube was acting up. And I was sitting there, and Signe [the smol cinnamon roll! :D] was with me, and I was like "aw, that's gay." And I immediately turned around and was like "WHOA." And she was like "wait what? :s" I was like "whoa, did I REALLY just say that?" Like, I was immediately ashamed of myself for saying that, and it was like some sort of remnant from when I was a teenager that just kinda like snuck into my subconscious and decided to blurt itself out. And I was immediately like, "okay, that's something to be aware of. Let's not do that again." Ohh, man, it was so weird. The fucking strangest shit. It's just amazing what Cos, like, a while ago, of course-- Everybody at some point has tried to make edgy jokes. Everybody's trying to be an Edgelord (TM). When I was that age, as well, the word faggot was thrown around a lot too. Which these days, of course, I am wholly against. Especially in some sort of derogatory way. I'm not gonna get into word politics right now, because that's a BIG discussion, and I am not educated enough in that to be able to talk about it. But it's one of those things that's like... "Man. I really did talk like that at some point." That's bizarre. And what bothers me is that these days, if you don't say that stuff, and you're vying AGAINST saying that stuff, if you're like "oh, don't say those things, that's horrible," you're labelled as a SJW. And that's--that's deemed to be BAD for some reason. That being a SJW--and I know that some people take it to the extremes, and they wanna be offended about EVERYTHING, all the time. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about people who just wanna make things right. Who just wanna be decent people, who just wanna do right by people and not offend. Not offending people is not a bad trait to have! It's not censorship. It's just trying to do the right thing. It's just trying to be a decent human being. And I, myself, try and just be nice to people. To be generally good to people. And if if people wanna label me as a SJW, or label me as some sort of like censored, fuckin'... I dunno. Whatever words they're gonna use. Then whatever, man. The way I see it is that I'm just trying to be a decent human bean towards other human beans. I'm just trying to do right by people. And... I dunno. Man, what is this episode? Why is this turning into this? Let's get back to douchery. [laughter] "Should I start..." vaping. Aw, that''s not there? :c C'mon. There's a store in Brighton called "Vape Cartel." And it's the coolest store ever. I'm not into vape culture? [giggles in Irish] But the fact that there's a store called "Vape Cartel" is the coolest thing ever. Should I start... Yoga. Should I start... finishing my sandwiches. Really? Not there. Should I start Todd Gurley? Ty Montgomery, Cam Newton... Whaaaat? Taylor Gabriel, Spencer Ware, Davonte Adams, Russel Wilson... I dunno what's happening. "Should I start Todd Gurley?" What's Todd Gurley? [realization] Makes way more sense now. I thought Todd Gurley was some sorta, like... like, spiritual awakening type of regime you could do. It's fantasy football. I assume all these names are fantasy football. Ty Montgomery... I think I've heard--yeah. Okaaay. Makes WAY more sense. Of course I wasn't gonna get them. First off, I don't know anything about football. Especially American football. And, secondly, I have fuckin' no idea about fantasy football. But I guess they kinda go hand in hand. Okay. Last one we're gonna do. Let's do... People. Oh. "I cheated on my girlfriend with..." Anime. D: I really wished it was there. That woulda been way too real. "I cheated on my girlfriend with... another woman?" What? I wanna actually try and like, like-- GET an answer. "I cheated on my girlfriend with..." Video games? "Her mom." Ohhh, SHIT. Oh, shit! "Cheated on my girlfriend with her mom?" DUDE. NO. The fuck is WRONG with you? God, oookay. Oh, "her best friend." That's gonna be there, isn't it. [regret] Wait. Wait, wait, wait. To be equal... [nope] "Cheated on my girlfriend with"... ah, prostitute. Shoulda thought about that. Her sister? I was trying to work my way through the family members. "Cheated on my girlfriend with my ex." Shit. That shoulda been obvious as well. Damnit. Need to think like a cheater! "Cheated on my girlfriend with a guy." I thought about that but I didn't know how to phrase it to get the wording right because if I said "another guy" or something like that, then... because I said "another girl". Her sister, my friend, a prostitute, her cousin, a coworker, /my/ cousin. [nope.jpeg] That's the weird one! That's the weird one right there. No thanks! That's enough Google Feud for me! Alright, well, that does it for this episode! We laughed, we learned, we ranted. This is a weird episode. I dunno why. Just, certain things were brought up, and then my mind went places. I've a lotta thoughts going on in my head at any one time. And I can't focus them down. I can't focus my thoughts into like a funnel to get them all out and to process them to do good things, but... just, there's a lot going on all at once. Some of it good, some of it bad, some of it all over the place. I don't know. I'm sure you have it. Everybody has it. It's to be human. Fuckin' brain. Shut up for a change, would ya? THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR WATCHING THIS EPISODE! IF YOU LIKED IT, PUNCH THAT LIKE BUTTON IN THE FACE LIKE A BOSS! And, high fives all around! [a whapish] [second whapish] Well, thanks, you guys, and I will SEE ALL YOU DUDES... IN THE NEXT VIDEO! *BOSS OUTRO MUSIC* I slammed too hard, man. COME ON AND SLAM.
