- Class, we're gonna try something
a little bit different today. No books, no homework-- just ideas. O Captain! My Captain! (student screams) (desk bangs) - Awesome. - (narrator) Every teacher ever. - Mr. Berke, can I please
go to the bathroom? - I dunno, CAN you? - Fine. May I go? - I don't know, may you? - Yes, I can physically go to the bathroom. Now may I please go? - Whatever. Just go, I guess. (panting) - Never mind. - (narrator) Every teacher ever. - Chapter three: Your Vagina and You.
- (student) Psst! - Really, ladies? Passing notes. Let's just see what was so important
it couldn't wait until after-- Oh my god, are you serious? (hushed) Katie is such a bitch slut! Stick around after class.
Like,we totally have to discuss. - Wait? What? - That slut what?
- Huh? - Sorry, whore what?
- I-I don't. - Basic bitches what?
- Really? - Sorry, whore what?
Slut what? - (narrator) Every teacher ever. - All right, guys, before we get started, we need to have a conversation
about safety, m'kay? You need to be safe around saws OR THIS COULD HAPPEN TO YOU! (students gasp) - (laughs) I'm just kidding, guys. But for reals, you need
to be careful while-- (saw buzzes)
(teacher shrieks) - (narrator) Teacher. - Okay, class, so none of you want
to be inspired by poetry. I get it. So how about we... watch a movie! Oh-ho-ho! Teach is cool. - Why would we watch a movie? - We came here to learn, dickhead. - What the f*ck is wrong with you guys? - (narrator) Teeeeach. - And don't forget that you
have essays due on Thursday. Class dismissed. I'm so happy you stayed after class, Bobby. I think we can learn a lot from each other. - Uh, cool, but can we hurry it up? My parents are throwing me
a surprise 18th birthday party. - Wait... you're 18? - Y-Y-Yeah. - (disgusted) Oh my god. Too old! You disgust me. - Was that a pop quiz? - (narrator) Chalkboard! (blowing whistle) (blowing whistle)
- (teacher) Seriously? Give me the ball. GIVE ME THE BALL! All right, now, this is how you peg a dweeb. Give me the ball!! Give me the ball. One more, come on! (growling) You're going down! (laughs) - OH! (groans) - YEAH! WOO! HA HA! I am the coolest f*cking kid in school! YEAH! (breathing heavily) - (narrator) Every teacher. - All right, class, today
we're going to talk about being safe when we have intercourse. - Uh, too late, bitch. - (narrator) Mr. Teacher. (loud smack)
- Eyes on your own paper, Mr. Thompson! - Ow!
- No backtalk! Showing our ankles to the public,
are we, Miss Lancaster? - Touch me with that ruler
and it's your job, old man. It's 2015. You can't get away
with that sh*t anymore. - That sounds precisely like
something a witch would say! - Wiiiitch! Witch! - She's a witch!
- Witch! Witch! Witch! (girl squeals) - (teacher) Take her away!
The trial is at dusk. - A witch!
- What the hell?! (teacher cackles deviously) - (narrator) I don't get any
of these jokes because I'm homeschooled! - Man, teachers are lucky.
They even have the lounge. - Man, I bet it's so awesome in there. - (groans) Forget it. OH! Hot! Hot! Hot! (sighs)
(food sizzles) (smarmy chuckle) (shrieks in pain) - (narrator) Every teacher ever. - (Anthony) Hey, guys,
thanks so much for subscribing. Click the video on the left to watch
bloopers from this video and this: (warbling) (girl laughs) - (Ian) And click the video on the right
to check out Every Break Up Ever. - I'm just not gay.
- You're not gay? - For you. - (Anthony) And if you're
on a phone or tablet, all the stuff we just mentioned
are in the description below. [captioned by www.facebook.com/subtitleyoutube]
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