Episode 91 - Juul Neck Hole

what's up everybody you know what it is man what episode is this this i think is uh so this is either this no no sorry it's last week's episode last week's episode if you want today's episode uh ad free you can go over to patreon.com tinymeatgang and you can see the episode in these clothes with these rare ass tennis dad shoes which you got on and and rare [ __ ] like almost full leg exposed we haven't got some thigh today yeah that's not only knees we got thighs as well you know what they say thighs out guys out so head on over to patreon.comgang and uh if not enjoy this one peace and we're live action and action go go welcome everyone and big thank you to lp tech shield radiant barrier for sponsoring this episode which is really really cool that we got this sponsorship because this is actually my favorite brand of uh radiant barrier yeah believe it or not yeah because techshield lp tech shield always is the best yeah and so if you're looking for a radiant barrier or something to uh block radiation maybe you're you know in chernobyl or something then i highly recommend lp tech shield that's the funny thing is that uh cody and i actually just built the new studio in chernobyl we were so inspired by the hbo series that we decided to move there and that's why it took so long to move in yeah because we were flying back and forth yeah i was bringing these orange chairs to the new studio oh welcome guys if you're watching the video component which you can get always on patreon.com uh slash time meeting yeah we are um no just patreon.com yeah yeah you can just go there we pretty much run that [ __ ] now anyways psych be the cockiest patreon we pretty much run that [ __ ] [ __ ] anyways dude i feel gross even joking about that let's not do that no dude that's our goal yeah yeah [ __ ] number one patreon okay fair enough fair enough dude fair enough yeah i'm into it yeah now we we're in the new stew um and it's uh just as annoying to figure out as every other studio we've tried to make i think after five years we're just gonna go back into our living room and go yeah this feels right mm-hmm anyway what if we just hire that guy yeah it just comes full circle yeah we just come back to our living room why did we ever leave this is so awesome um what if we hired that guy to like just do everything who that chris dude or whatever mike mike whatever like whoever is in charge of like building a studio like from from scra like i'm talking about like not instead of us being like the project manager and being like okay we're gonna do the sound panels from here let's get the desk from here oh yeah hire that guy to just do everything and we walk in one day it's all [ __ ] done i mean we could do that we pay him that's the problem because it's very expensive you were against this idea and now you're into it well i i'm struggling you know recently i've been struggling with with like how can i like focus more and not because i find that when we work on so much [ __ ] it's like that's the source of all my like anxiety and stress because my mind goes so many pla different places that i get this weird headache and i and i freak out and it makes me feel like [ __ ] for like weeks yeah i can relate to that so i don't know what i i'm always whining is he crying i just heard him cry yeah i think that was my mic oh okay yeah never mind um so i mean i think like like hiring someone to um take all that i don't know just manage [ __ ] i don't know yeah yeah is it no we could is that would that be less stress or would that be more stress because then you have someone to manage who's managing things no it's just gonna it's gonna be less stressed because he'll figure out all the minutia that's a word we've learned since uh growing the patron minutia that's a good word yeah that's why we're the number one patreoners that's why we're the number 11 patreon if i were the number 12 team podcast on itunes nah the uh yeah i mean you you get a dude to handle all the minutiae minutia who the [ __ ] this ain't the time bro oh my haircut yeah it ain't gonna happen bro um i'm just have to put my barber on silent oh you just screamed your barber yeah damn screen anyway we could yeah we could hire do to do that just you know i we got a preliminary quote and um you know what it is so it's a big investment yeah i knew it i know which i'm not opposed to because then so there's always going to be some stress you know what i'm saying like he'll manage it but then that costs money and you got to be okay with that part that's the catch which i'm okay with the money thing that's the cash yeah i'm okay with i think it's worth it i think it's a it's a hefty price but i think the folks at home would appreciate it yeah and um you know the upside is we would have a beautiful place to continue to make dick jokes out of well what's cool is that with this sponsorship from lp tech shield is that they sent us a whole bunch of them so this whole eventually this whole place is going to be lined with tech shields radiant barriers no radiation getting in here baby no i'm not growing any gills no i'm not growing any sort of third dick because i already have two damn blue face two [ __ ] a big picture and a glico no dude i feel you on the too many things so someone left the comments saying are is it just me or is there chemistry off the past few episodes we have been getting bodied with just [ __ ] to do chemistry chemist chemistry i'll give you some chemistry no i mean i just i laughed at that because all of our previous posts for the past month have been hey guys sorry we're in some other state and we're trying to do this while simultaneously juggling a million things excuses excuses yeah i know right it always feels like excuses people try to make me feel better about it like no it's legitimate like like the pittsburgh thing we were trying to split your focus like i'm gonna go on stage tomorrow and perform a song i've never done live before and i've never done live music uh in like 10 years but you know i'm just going to put all that aside and we're going to do this podcast it's like i i like i think about like the [ __ ] personalities are way bigger than us like [ __ ] the rock and kevin hart yeah how do they [ __ ] do this [ __ ] that like i respect that [ __ ] so much more like to that for them to like be going around like and just doing tons and tons of media like all kinds of media like the rock is in the gym and he's like hey what's up you little skinny this and that yeah i'm here to promote my program in healthy living and you should too and then two hours later he's at a [ __ ] radio station and he's just promoting his new [ __ ] movie and he goes and does a commercial yeah dude their [ __ ] is is down to the minute yeah down to the minute it's like you they have to schedule like jerking off and stuff yeah and some dude reminds me i searched my name on twitter obviously i'm vain i do that all the time and one of the tweets that showed up today was why why do why do uh it was like a sub tweet that someone was making about their friends okay and he was like why do you guys talk about kodi ko all the time he's so weird all he talks about is jerking off [Laughter] and there you go there you go now you talk about the dobre brothers too man you got range yeah yeah that's true i do talk about that that's pretty much it jerking off in the doughbray bros the doberman twins the dobry bros doberman pinschers doberman pinschers david doberman david doberman mauldover um red dover red dober sent another dobre over oh nice there we go i think that's what they say yeah yeah before they tickle each other's penises that's [ __ ] gross um i don't know why i said that probably because of the radiation yeah the radiation is getting to me it's soaking in incest jokes yeah so radiation does do that actually people from chernobyl they don't have any um skin ailments all that was fake they just can't stop making incest jokes yeah that's the real problem and talking about jerking off just watch man just from sitting in front of this whatever is protect whatever this tech shield is protecting us from right now yeah this is it's going to leak through and eventually we're going to like mid podcasts just grow like a like a little arm like a little baby arm out of our face like dope oh [ __ ] and i'll just roll a joint right there and put it in that little baby hand and just have it permanently be holding a like a joint off the side of my head and then another one off the other side and it lights it yeah let's go and then you're smoking a joint out of a little damn animators animators get on that one animate that [ __ ] i want to see that [ __ ] it's [ __ ] oh yo yo hold up hold on hey baby that's that's not like the blunt hold on hold that right there and then now you know what two hands come out on the other left temple and they start rolling more joints so it's just like becomes a system where it's like a clear one flick it another one rolled pass it across my forehead okay that shit's just waiting no because the one on the left side comes out a little weird and it's just a hand oh no arm so then it can't even it's a little t-rex it can't reach the joint over okay so that one's a little bit weird but well so you then you have to switch it you take the joint out of it you put it in that one's more of like a storage yeah and then the able-bodied one is the one that rolls the weed it's [ __ ] stupid did you see that [ __ ] that smocks in us which one is that meme it was like some meme account it had like seven comments i don't know how the [ __ ] he found it but it's like a video or it's a screen recording of a soundcloud song oh yeah yeah no yeah going around like twitter i'll bump that [ __ ] hold on it's so funny yeah i was like oh my god i got i got sad because i'm like damn this is harder than like anything we've ever made that's what i'm saying we got to get weirder with the lyrics you think so yeah damn dude we got too many fortnite chats we have like 15 chats just named fortnight yeah i know dude that the one on um you know what never mind okay yeah i don't even mind i actually don't even know where you're going with that one it's okay it's all good i don't really know either way like that all right what the [ __ ] on instagram prpp people's republic of the penis palladium yeah what about it that's where he sent it oh is that where he sent it yeah okay copy on my way on my way on my way with the memes wait for it no four you have four buddies right here i gotta bump it to a dinosaur [ __ ] pterodactyl my boy t [ __ ] her t-rex the dactyl nice damn you should link up with that guy you should lab yeah we should build we should yeah we should cook with that guy uh hi babe i'm currently in the lab building i can't i can't talk right now yeah okay all right talk to you soon okay bye-bye bye-bye i love i had like i posted some beats on twitter or on my soundcloud and i tweeted out about it and then i got a bunch of dms from other producers okay they were like yo you want to collab like check my beats out blah blah blah and so i was like i was talking to some of them some of them are really good and it's just funny like the the producer like lingo yeah is like so specific like what like let's lab let's cook oh they actually say this oh yeah okay 100 got it yeah that is pretty great so i'm like kind of just you know picking it up yeah so if you hear me drop like a let's cook or let's lab or something like that just because you're in the know it's just because yeah yeah yeah it's just because that comes naturally to me now and that's kind of my dialect yeah it's becoming my dialect so there's like there's a big difference between cody and producer cody oh yeah big difference yeah producer cody is like that's actually my name that's my producer name producer yeah damn that's awesome that's actually what it's going to be that's so good what's good it's producer cody over here hi i'm producer cody with rapper noel yo what's up i'm rapper noelle and i'm here to do a little one-two hippity-hop for you yeah i'm just looking forward uh to when i get some placements you know that's another that's sorry that's another term i i just keep saying these things i have to say something going back like 10 minutes i just like this is my brain catching up what i was trying to say 10 minutes ago was i feel like the last few podcasts we have just been so distracted with 15 different things i feel weird right now because for the past like four weeks i haven't felt funny i felt like in like you know like when you're feeling funny you're saying funny [ __ ] and whatever the humor is there i've just been like i don't i just haven't felt funny just because of everything that's been going on and so right now this moment i feel weird because i'm just having to focus on like being funny and i haven't done that in a long time is that some weed [ __ ] right there yeah is something yeah it feels like it but you know your eyes are a little yeah like it's weird that like i gotta be over the past hour you just focus on being funny well like okay yesterday i [ __ ] whatever i got up we shot steamy tweets four and then i had to go to the bank do some [ __ ] and then went to that coloring session and i came home and i ed you know what i mean like versus like what we used to do or we just like got to i don't know you go get drunk on the weekend i get high and we come back on wednesday and be like yeah let me tell you if i can tell you about something so like on the subject of hiring people i'm kind of into the idea of hiring people i'm more about making less money to be entertaining yeah and making more money trying to carry the load yeah yeah that's like like i'd rather be um like the third girl in the orgy you know rather than the you know the main like she has to carry the load [Music] i don't want she gets the main load yeah but then she'll sometimes come swap and i'd rather be just the girl in the background with beautiful breasts and like just hot and not having to focus on you know what i'm saying like i just always get to focus on like being me versus like doing the hard work yeah yeah you don't want to be the fluffer yeah no okay no yeah so we're looking for a fluffer [Laughter] oh getting fluffed before a podcast you know somebody's doing it somebody's no but not like that like comedically fluffed oh okay like they just make you like riff before the podcast okay um just to make sure that you're good yeah like some handlebars [ __ ] all right all right three two one go um talk about uh tire shops tire shops yeah um that's not the only place you can get a rubber okay yeah i've got a spare tire right here um michelin man you mean my wife that's just mean okay all right that was mean all right i'll back it up i'll back it up funny thing about a tire shop it's the only place where a husband can get solitude or or maybe it's it's nice i don't get that one i don't either actually no you know maybe it's just like shitty improv games okay you know yeah like someone give us a location location location looking for uh dentists perfect perfect okay now i don't even know any improv games honestly all right what are we doing here at the dentist cleaning our mouths with with a blow dryer and the dentist is actually a criminal okay and you have to find you have to figure that out okay and action i don't have enough breath for more we are dumb today so stupid we are washed no this you know what it is we're stalling because we have a lot to talk about first up yeah bachelorette luke p oh man yeah yeah so i didn't see what happened oh what's the deal because people people um what what's going on with him let's just start with that what's going on what's what's been happening we're clipping hard but it's fine yeah no it sounds cool actually i kind of like it first thing i want to clear up is i described him as having like a personality disorder and um someone sent me a message which i agree with so i want to say i want to take that back and say this man is not personality disorder because there's a stigma around that where people with personality disorder are just [ __ ] crazy okay all the time um so i'm not gonna say either this personality disorder i'm gonna say this fool uh was dropped off an ironing board that's what i'ma say what do you mean like he must have fell in a river and they didn't resuscitate him okay in time okay there's just something extremely off about him dude they so the this episode was the hometowns right okay go to meet the family okay and the the just uh the level of like what's the word when you just don't want to acknowledge that somebody is is like a certain way minutia my new [ __ ] yeah the level of minutia in that room was crazy they just did not no one in that room he like got into it with everybody in the house and his whole family's like that's not luke no luke luke is passionate he is um what do you mean they got into it was his parents no no so i'm speaking real vague here so prior to hometowns this dude luke would be just constantly fighting with every dude in the house every dude in the house would be like yo when you see hannah don't [ __ ] talk about me you're always talking about everyone else do not [ __ ] talk about me and he'll be like i'm not gonna i'm i'm not i'm not gonna he it's like it's like don't put your dick in the peanut butter he's like i'm not gonna i wasn't gonna i didn't even think about it i wouldn't even you thought you said that i wasn't thinking about that where's your hand going where's your hand going nothing why is your hand over there get your hand off the peanut butter what i can't have some peanut butter now you can't have something you think you can't have some peanut butter you better eat it you better not get a little bit of peanut butter oh that's so good wow what were you saying so it was like that like it was like that every time like he'd be like i'm not why why would i do that me yeah looky p yeah come on yeah you guys know me i'm like that might never do it the first thing he does like he's like how's it going he's like everyone's being mean to me and like and dude the way he twists people's words is [ __ ] conniving as [ __ ] so he like he has a conversation with this dude and uh he says something to the effect of like if you don't like me then why do you talk to me like we're friends right and the dude says no i just because i we talk to each other in passing doesn't mean we're good friends i you know he's like i'm not gonna just ignore you like i think that's rude and that's undeserving but i'll like yeah if we're just shooting the [ __ ] like i'll do that but it doesn't mean like i like you and he's like so you're being fake with me the dude's like oh my god and then sure enough he goes talks to the girl he's like he's being fake and if he's being fake with me then he's being fake with you and then she's like i don't like fake people are you even fake with me and he's like what the [ __ ] is going and then he gets sent home and he's like crying he's like i'm in love with her but i don't see how this show continues to boggle my it has to be fake with how [ __ ] the way luke is kind of running [ __ ] he is so now we're in hometowns and i'm chuckling as family like you know really trying to like oh and they're all using words that just describe an angry person okay no he's passionate yeah yeah exactly yeah he's not he's not like that he's just a fiery guy yeah and then one of them's like luke luke is always the first one to say that i i didn't mean that i never and he's so always apologetic i'm like why is he always apologizing yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you don't have to apologize this fool is like [ __ ] up and the way like they baby him through conversation and [ __ ] i'm like oh this they must have did something hmm like they [ __ ] he fell he fell off of something like a dresser and they just all trying to pretend like mommy didn't do that or uncle didn't do whoever did it whoever dropped his ass and left him with that [ __ ] rot like that apple bruise on his head like just his hair will grow out and no one will see it so he's still in the show though he is what even after hold on now the thing that happened that everybody loved in the show was uh someone goes here we have this villain on the show and he's [ __ ] five eight and everyone tagged us in that club of course [Music] [Laughter] little psycho boy but that's not the best part i say all that to say this well before you say that before you get into that the thing that i want to know is the only part i watched was when kelsey was watching the end of an episode and they were forecasting what's about to happen and it was ollie is that ollie yeah he's barking no yeah yep hey all right son hey hey right here look at it everything's cool you can see me yeah it's all good it's being crazy i'm in i'll see you soon okay we're just going to finish this up and then we'll see you next time he's chilling yeah so you said the part that i saw was when he was when he was like um so you've had sex before and sex is a sacred act that is saved for marriage yeah that's super pissed has that already happened it's not okay okay so they're coming up so they they for they show you what's going to happen like over the whole season before to get you to get you just keep watching that's how you know the show is really bad and really good at the same time yeah yeah they tear i've never seen your ass with that [ __ ] i've never seen anyone do that so here's the man this full better you won't hear it in the just ignore it um so here's the thing here's the best part i say all that to say this so he's like putting on this thing how religious he is and how faith is a big part of who he is i just don't want this to like fall when he's standing right there no because if it falls it's gonna come towards us and he's quick this thing he's a dog man okay you got he got reflex okay trust me i'll pull out a vacuum and he'll be down the street in a second yeah exactly dogs are real tough ladies and gentlemen if you're afraid of dogs like if you live in an environment where there's a lot of stray dogs and [ __ ] just walk around with a vacuum just walk around with a dyson and just hold it up they're going to freak the [ __ ] out i have an awful awful story about a about a dog okay that's some my friend in san francisco him and his girlfriend got a got a new dog okay it was like a really small dog okay and the first day they had it a bookshelf fell over whoa and landed on it okay it [ __ ] like exploded the dog no way yeah that's why i'm [ __ ] freaking out about this right now exploded i mean it was like a tiny [ __ ] dog literally everyone that just heard that is like you got a heavy ass book you just ruined like 250 000 days dude i know i'm sorry i'm sorry 250 000 simultaneously [ __ ] insane i went over the day after and he was like yeah don't talk to her because she's really upset and i'm like why is she so upset and they're like you know that dog that we got and i was like no yeah where is that little guy where is that he's just saying it out loud what's that stain i know it's bad anyway sorry sorry for to try to ruin your day so bad about that the bachelorette he's so back to that yeah so look he's just put to me he's putting on this big act you know like he's really trying to like put on that he's genuine he also talks and acts like a like a i've said this before like a bad 70s film even with his face like he'll be like like the hometown [ __ ] he's like it's been rough getting here like really rough she's like okay [Laughter] he's like but i just want to let you know that i'm going to show you who i am and like all that in the house with the other guys that is not me that's a good impression from what i've seen that's really accurate because that's what freaked me out about it was it the eye contact yeah the weird like this yeah and then and then like the you can see him reflecting and then like looking at her like this and then uh you know what it's gonna be he's gonna be the first peanut butter yeah it's gonna dick in the peanut butter no i can't but i should do it he's gonna be the first ai the boston dynamics is gonna come out at the end of the season and be like so luke p was actually our first real world experiment and it looks like he pulled it off he was able to to get married and in fact he actually yeah he won which is insane we thought he would get eliminated we thought you guys would figure it out like pretty soon first episode second episode maybe but wow god damn you guys are a lot dumber than we thought we're doomed as a human race you just hit esteban goddamn but goddammit bro the uh the robot worked out you [ __ ] he just pulled his skin back on his face and it's just [ __ ] teeth and like eyes and exoskeleton just what [Laughter] it turns out uh the the luke pai is capable of landing um a uh drunk southern girl or a southern girl who likes to drink um she be oh she's a boozer i don't know if she boozes but she'd be face [ __ ] those dudes all show yeah she's a she's um she's um not that i'm judging i'm just saying like she like you know she's a fan of the tonsil hockey yeah yeah she's playing it okay yeah she playing with them sticks okay yeah mm-hmm she's really getting in there yeah she'd be straddling them boys so anyway so um you know he's he's creepy as [ __ ] but the best part was so he's been putting on about how much like he found god and how religious he is and this and that and it his future conversation with her about her body and all that is really good considering this moment right here and i was howling when he did this so he goes it's like i want to like open up to you and like i think it's a part of my personality you should know and so like i'm gonna tell it to you she's like okay he's like so like in high school and stuff i wasn't like a bad kid or like a you know like a bad guy but i did things drinking and partying but then when i got to college i was chasing sex like oh man i was chasing it and then he goes on to tell the story about in the shower but like the whole rant was just basically what the what story does he tell like just like it's this vague thing about getting [ __ ] and i start howling laughing because it just sounded like him being like yeah i don't do it anymore oh man in college i used to clean up i used to get so much [ __ ] dude like crazy amounts of [ __ ] i used to get so much [ __ ] that like i had to ask god to tell me to stop because like i couldn't stop getting [ __ ] i was smashing through i like so many cheeks they call me dustin cheeks that's what they call me because i really be [ __ ] anyways yeah it's just like i'm like crying laughing i'm like you have to ask god damn that's crazy that's that's like an insane amount of pus i like [ __ ] the whole school it's like when it's like like all the teachers yeah you know dudes women i start [ __ ] guys too and one day in the shower after i [ __ ] over 15 people in my house alone what do you mean [ __ ] over like a no evil knievel sort of thing no i just done all of them just okay on them i came in all of their mouths okay and then i relax it's fine and took a shower and i he goes i took a shower and i looked up and i saw a light and then the lord called to me and i'm like it's crazy man that you went and [ __ ] tons of people and then you're going to sit there and yell at her for having sex with other guys on the show that i don't know it was just like a beautiful little uh yeah but he's he's like a born again verge yeah and once you're once you're born again birds you're you're good oh that's it you're cleansed yeah yeah well yeah i don't know about all that all those people that you [ __ ] in he's just he just sounds like a hoe in denial yeah yeah that's what that is right there crazy that he used to smash that much i know that he had to ask jesus christ to make him stop yeah lord god somebody stop me from [ __ ] all these women that's like a a that's like what isn't that what it is i mean yeah i mean you can be a you could be a sex addict for sure i'm not realizing that but the part that gets me is asking god could you imagine going to the confessional and being like name of the father son holy spirit amen all right someone seems to be on your mind um father i am just i'm i'm out here killing the game i can't even begin to tell you how many [ __ ] i [ __ ] this week and it is like it is just tuesday father have you ever you ever did two [ __ ] with one condom nah see like that you couldn't even that's why i need you to consult a higher power because the dick game i got is so crazy that i need a higher power to come stop this dick because this dick is just it's just it's killing [ __ ] right now and then the father's like have you tried little boys oh lord that was bad that was bad that was bad are we wiped out i feel like we're shooting blanks today no that's that was funny i'm in my i'm in my head dude i'm in my head speaking of um [ __ ] kids tracking with this whole epstein [ __ ] yeah yeah i don't know a lot um so i'ma speak on it exactly that's pretty much everything someone was someone someone commented on on it like two episodes ago or whatever was like oh wow [ __ ] great cody and noah talking about the presidential debates and like oh yeah and how many things we got wrong and i was i'm reading this comment i'm like i don't even remember talking about the presidential debates that's how much i didn't even know about it i was like i don't even remember i was [ __ ] saying anything about that [ __ ] it was me i just called them [ __ ] dorks and what did i say i was like yeah i must have just agreed because she was like wow and cody said that this and i was like [ __ ] get out of here because i was teasing elizabeth lauren for [ __ ] raising her hand like the [ __ ] she's sitting at the front of the class get out of here man out of all the [ __ ] that you want to be mad about that i called political people are [ __ ] dorks dude they're all [ __ ] dorks get over it political people love arguing about semantics and [ __ ] well well in this statement it's like the [ __ ] highest level of debate class yeah you know because obviously it's about policy and law and all that [ __ ] which yeah you you got to be a [ __ ] dork to care about any of that [ __ ] no comment i'm staying out of this no comment i'm just saying dude paul direct your comments at your boys fine that's fine i'll own all this [ __ ] dude at a point politics it just gets like it's too heady and there's so much nuance and [ __ ] to understand there's a lot of minutiae [ __ ] there's so much minutia that goes on understanding politics you got to be a [ __ ] dork you got to be a goddamn bookworm so get over it no yeah i i i agree and i disagree at the same time i condemn and condone it [Laughter] so this this epstein [ __ ] was so he basically you know he's like a billionaire runs some hedge funds or some [ __ ] yeah um like in total he controls like 15 billion dollars worth of funds or something like that wow yeah he um so he already was convicted he did time okay for two prostitution charges of minors okay so he got some like plea deal where he basically did a year and a half in jail and um had to register as a sex offender okay which is like [ __ ] insane because like the the evidence against him i guess was really [ __ ] strong but it was some you know he like is a billionaire and he there was a lot of pressure from the government to like i guess go easy on him or something like that so he did a year and a half whatever and then i guess just like went back to doing the same [ __ ] even even worse he basically ran like a uh underage like prostitution ring where he had like his like person that worked for him was his madame he had like multiple secretaries um or like assistance scheduling appointments often multiple girls a day like 13 to 16 or something like that he would he owns an island so he would fly them out to this island and his plane his 737 was nicknamed the lolita express oh no and bill clinton flew on it like 23 times no he was like i guess he was good friends with trump but i guess trump like banned him from the margot whatever the [ __ ] like a couple years ago or something like that i don't know that's like all i all i really know he's friends with like tons of super powerful people now so basically the way things stand right now is like how how much were how much did people know how much did were they the enablers like he like in his black book it's crazy man it got it got posted on uh scratch scribd or whatever scribe subscribe yeah all right john cleese jimmy buffett um every single kennedy that was alive at the time alec baldwin chris tucker here actually why don't we take a quick break yeah yeah okay guys we want to thank uh doordash for sponsoring this episode of the podcast listen okay long day at work tough day at school still stuck at the office treat yourself to the meal that you deserve on demand from your favorite restaurant your little hard-working you would be hard and you deserve a good tasty meal a hearty meal a little worker be you uh well good news guys restaurants come to you with doordash um or maybe you love to cook but you're just not in the mood to do the dishes tonight you know those pesky dishes watch your favorite show with your favorite people instead and get it delivered with doordash wow doordash connects you to your favorite restaurants in your city ordering is a breeze just use the doordash app and choose what you want to eat and a dasher will bring it to you anywhere you are well yep not only is that burger place you love on doordash already but over 310 000 other restaurants are okay as well too also in addition to order from your favorite uh or order from your local go twos or choose from your favorite chains like chipotle wendy's and uh me personally last night chick-fil-a uh don't worry about dinner let dinner come to you with doordash and right now our listeners can get five bucks off their first order of 15 or more when you download the doordash app and enter the promo code tmg five bucks off your first order when you download the doordash app from the app store and enter promo code tmg and we're back very nice very nice won't edit that one at all i'll just leave that in bro you got your cord all right there he is okay what's up do you want to say something no no he doesn't want to say anything he's got an opinion yeah yeah what now you're scared all of a sudden yeah now you're [ __ ] whatever yeah yeah i have seen alex dude alec baldwin chris tucker damn bro so we can't watch rush hour anymore we gotta get all our rush hour three dvds off the bus well i mean like a lot of it is like who flew who flew on the plane because there's records of all that [ __ ] which is insane yeah and it's like what's that yeah was it just a vacation out there or was it part of this [ __ ] thing who knows i don't know that's i guess we'll see where because everything's like being unsealed now and stuff like that so i guess it's just pretty crazy like how you know the whole like rich people [ __ ] kids thing is like kind of a meme but it's it's that's true they just do that which is [ __ ] up it's so funny speaking of [ __ ] up i got glimpses of this stupid show euphoria you watch this [ __ ] oh is it the one on hbo yeah yeah the one about like high school kids doing drugs that [ __ ] just paints teenagers in like the most darkest way which is like you know maybe it's like super accurate yo fellow teens tell us if the show euphoria is accurate with regards to doing drugs fentanyl and um having bisexual relationships is that really what it's what it is they're doing i don't know sentinel in high school now i mean yeah like i saw glimpses of it so where is it where is it based um in uh uh risky reels nice nice yeah actually where is it no i don't know okay i don't know anything about the show that's why i'm gonna have a big opinion on it that show sucks and i don't even have to tell you why because i saw 30 seconds of it and it blows now i'm not saying if it's bad or good i just saw parts of it i've heard people talk about that i've heard people say it's good it's a horny ass show but i saw i saw the preview for and i'm like damn this looks intense it's pretty dark yeah like high school must be just harder now i don't know everyone's on tick tock all the time it sounds like it sucks it just sounds like a bunch of kids with way too much stimulation yeah talk porn sending nudes their brains are just constantly dopamine out yeah just do more of this do more of this i don't [ __ ] i mean like look man this is this is my sort of thinking on the whole [ __ ] she's like the oregon trail right like uh they like people died at 30 right the earth is supposed to just fry in like 30 years so like that's why these kids are just like they're they're skipping the childhood parts like now we ain't got time we just got to go right to the doing opiates smoking cigarettes yeah yeah i guess they're like they're all on rum springer yeah yeah they're like they just have to smoke jewel because they they can't get access to enough cigarettes to get lung cancer as fast as all the boomers have yeah so they have to smoke juice yeah well cigarettes aren't strong enough yeah there's not enough like [ __ ] in cigarettes it's like there's not enough tar yeah you gotta rip on whatever chemical like cleaning supply or whatever the [ __ ] is it yeah the jewel you got smoked windex for two years and it just it's a it's a fast pass fast pass to the hole in their neck maybe 19 with the hole in their neck yeah talking about the good old days back when i had before i started smoking i would send pictures of my [ __ ] on snapchat all the time smoking jewel through the hole oh god it's got a usb port in your neck jesus christ a charger oh my god that's the modern day that's a [ __ ] modern day [ __ ] does anyone have an extra pod i've smoked so much jewel the doctor had to implant a charger into my neck hole jewel is the only way i can keep going i actually need to have jewel in my system i can only breathe vapor yeah [ __ ] usb charger in your neck that's gonna be all you all these [ __ ] all these kids yeah so you know they're not gonna make it past 30 like we're back to the oregon trail the digital organ trail i'm saying we should remake oregon trail we should rewrite that game but just modern oh no um tanner died from jewel overdose [ __ ] up oh oh no uh 17 year old didn't know coke is cut with fentanyl oops it's dark dude that's what euphoria is that's what that show is this is [ __ ] dark so yeah i mean i guess it's pretty real right now yeah i mean i don't i don't know how really you know it's tough to say it's i mean that [ __ ] is definitely happening yeah younger and younger kids that [ __ ] rapper that just died uh oh sketchy yeah sketchy yeah he was young as [ __ ] dude he was like 17 18 something like that he odd right mm-hmm that is [ __ ] that's dark [ __ ] dude and he was man you watch his first music video normal white kid from the suburbs like like totally normal moved to l.a yeah [ __ ] like just got lost in the whole thing man like started you know just the whole [ __ ] like the hype beasts i mean [ __ ] and doing zanz and all that stuff i had homies that [ __ ] dude like it was like a group of kids that um because my friend group was like it was like about 15 of us and then like we had a lot of like extended friends or you know whatever like acquaintances so it's like a group of kids that we're like like you know a couple of us were tied to them whatever like five of them they all got hooked on [ __ ] uh like black tar and man i've never like i they got on it i didn't recognize them like after like six months seven months i i remember uh i pulled up to one of them i'm gonna say his name and i could tell he's as high as god and like he he was driving and i like roll that moon i'm like yo what's up bro and he looks at me and the look he gave me like this will look like like that [ __ ] i said like you know with mma fighters like right when they get knocked out like they look like they remember they left the stove on like he had that look about him like he just like pivoted his head he's like huh i'm like yo what but like i i just couldn't process fast enough that he's [ __ ] up i was like i started waving my hand more i'm like yo like he's just staring at me but he doesn't recognize me he's like yo i'm like holy [ __ ] dude and like i think that's like one of the last times i saw him i haven't seen him like from that day they're all like mega stable dudes like you know decent household and then you got to think like if you start doing black tar heroin like you know what you're getting yourself into a little bit right yeah it's the slippery slope [ __ ] where you're taking perks and stuff as like a recreational thing yeah or you're doing zans like that's like zan can be a pretty like lightweight thing for the most part i mean it's a heavy drug but when people are just popping them around you yeah you're like yeah [ __ ] it you do it you get faded i guess i say like that's that that like leads to other like you know but that can be in a total like debilitating addiction in itself yeah no i guess i say that i guess my point with that was they they started doing it like six months out of high school like like like summer had passed and then like they just didn't really have any direction so they started [ __ ] around with the [ __ ] and they just like fell off like that and i i guess my point with that is it's just it's crazy when you see a young person get like whether it's heroin or like now like if it's [ __ ] zans it's just crazy to see a young person like like that transformation in such a short period like how bad they get [ __ ] up it's wild oh yeah because you really don't know how fast it's it's catching up to you and i've like i remember going down a little bit of a rabbit hole and people arguing like um addiction is not biological or it's like it's not genetic and some people say it is and and this is like a lot of back and forth on that i obviously don't know i'm of the belief that this [ __ ] is so strong like it's like even in human history like this is the first time we're really like on [ __ ] like this so we probably don't really understand what the [ __ ] it's doing to us you know what i mean like what was like the last like percocet in time like before pm opium yeah what else i don't know anything i'm not gonna pretend like i don't know anything about history yeah i mean yeah i don't i don't know [ __ ] but i'm like we're doing and [ __ ] like that and yeah but that like that's all organic like i don't think any of it is was engineered and as like as like precise as i guess like perks and zans and all that stuff like that [ __ ] is like that's just in a lab dude that [ __ ] is cooked yeah do you think pharma companies that's what they say when they want to make a drug they hit each other up like yo we should lab yo dude yo just made some [ __ ] fire we just cooked up some fire it's like a new like [ __ ] like anti-arthritis drug yo we just cooked up some flames dude [Laughter] oh my god dude it's just a new it's a new clarity yeah pfizer on a pill oh good yo what should we call this we should call it claritin f full day but honestly because it's fuego yo we just teamed up with [ __ ] um i don't know whatever black diamond industries and we just made [ __ ] claritin fuego bro yeah we should cook full you think what if everyone who worked in a pharma lab was just like a like a douche bag like white kid producer yeah i'm gonna throw a little [ __ ] sauce on this check this [ __ ] out throw it in the bin real quick what that's gonna do it's gonna mix up all the elements [ __ ] nerd [ __ ] whatever when this [ __ ] comes out dog i'm telling you your [ __ ] sinuses clear as a [ __ ] dog that that's definitely gonna happen that's definitely you know there's like a 16 year old because with with every with er with all the [ __ ] drugs and [ __ ] in high school right now there's also kids that are like way [ __ ] smarter yeah you know yeah like the internet and everything there's definitely a 16 year old hypebeast chemist out there dude that's like tom's homie do you remember him we hung out with him in houston a little bit um uh tom referred to him as the scientist oh yeah yeah i don't think i really i like i talked to him for a little bit really smart dude really like works in like big pharma like smart guy um you know makes crazy money to do crazy [ __ ] and like hearing him talk about drugs and [ __ ] like you know you you say oh yeah i i used to he no you did meet him he told you that crazy concoction he made up he's like oh yeah if you take like three of this like over the counter and you mix it with this and you put it up your ass it's like a you don't yes i do remember that yeah yeah yeah we were talking about boofing [ __ ] right yeah or something like that yeah yeah no i wasn't there i think tom told us about this afterwards oh word okay but he was saying that this dude had had boofed uh what was it a percocet or something like that no it was a weird mixture of [ __ ] like it i think it was a perk but like there was other like kind of put it up his ass there's other like generic [ __ ] in there yeah and like it went awful yeah yeah that's so funny yeah poofing drugs and the [ __ ] seal breaks it's like a time release it's like it's like an edible yeah yeah exactly just in your ass that's the new that's gonna be the new [ __ ] that's high schoolers and all them when y'all grow up in like five years the few of you listen to this podcast that's what you're going to be on like 24. they're all gonna be on the astables oh dude dude check this [ __ ] out all right i'm gonna put a little nyquil just one advil half a perk and a little bit of mountain dew i can put that in a in a razor thin condom but it's got it's got to be like this brand this taiwanese brand because like the the film is real thin i'm gonna put that oh okay and now um i'm gonna just sit on a heater yeah and now just put on [ __ ] star wars put this little heating pad under my ass this is for 30 minutes muscle relaxer but yeah in 30 minutes i'm gonna be [ __ ] up full yo what's good with those boys over there oh they're doing astables ah damn load it up boys just like yeah for sure damn dark no i'm thinking about i had some oh the [ __ ] ufc fight what what happened with the knee thing oh explain that [ __ ] oh oh oh i want to know like the background on the two fighters oh boy oh who was who who deserved it who didn't who what happened what what's the what's the background so first up big big big big shout out to jorge mas vidal okay this this man he has an insane career i think he's been fighting like [ __ ] over 10 years i think it's like 16 years some crazy number so he started scrapping on the same dvd that kimbo slice was on no way you can look up jorge maz vidal super young brawling in like florida backyard [ __ ] yeah just like yeah holy [ __ ] he'd be scrapping with dudes like twice his size okay [ __ ] him up and so jorge he's had an interesting career in the ufc um you know i i remember watching him back in the day and like he had a few fights where he had trouble with wrestlers and um you know i i i admit that i kind of wrote him off i was like like he's good but like he's got weaknesses in his game so uh this part is a little grey to me because i'm not fully like like tapped into this part of his life but apparently he did a reality show or something where he just like went into the jungle and he's just by himself and like he just went there for an extended period and he's come back and he's had these two crazy knockouts uh first knockout he had was darren till and he planted that [ __ ] like so he's had two fights since well now three no two two fights since the the forest thing i believe so yeah and they've both been knockouts okay they asked him post fight um yo like what um i'm sliding down to he um they're like what the jungle like what's that done to you because like it seems like you've had a change of mentality and he like said something here he was like he was like yeah man like just being in there with your own thoughts like you get all this [ __ ] distracting you you kind of don't know what your own thoughts are because people distract you and and whatever he's like so i just i went in there and i realized like i just you know i want to be the best there ever was kind of thing and like he just comes out and he has these two crazy knockouts the one with daryn till though that full like the way his head smacked the mat i haven't seen him knock out that hard in a minute like i was like god damn so leading up to this fight ben askren is a dude who came from i think he went to bellator and then he went to one which is like a different fight promotion and he's wanted to come to the ufc but for the longest time dana white has hated him he's like they're like hella memes where like with dana white saying like when i can't fall asleep uh like if like [ __ ] drugs don't work i'll put on a ben askren fight because that'll think because i'll put me right out and this is the most boring fighter on earth and that's a picture of them at the signing of ben askren being signed to the ufc so he's an amazing wrestler super one-dimensional guy though and and that's been his game his whole career he was 25-0 coming into the ufc and he's and he stood and traded with strikers but he always manages to get him to the ground and he just seems to be this expert his first fight in the ufc was with robbie lawler and robbie lawler is a [ __ ] killer that guy has like an amazing fight with [ __ ] a rory mcdonald canadian and where they rory uh um oh no robbie's lip got punched open so it's clearly split his lip is split both of their faces are covered in blood going into the fifth round and they're both just like like lift their hands up like let's [ __ ] do this and they go in there for a fifth round and just beat the [ __ ] out of each other it's like like historically one of the most brutal fights 25 minutes of truly like just carnage so he comes that being his first fight everyone's like i don't know and the first like 30 seconds minute was like that robbie came out grabs him dumps him on his [ __ ] face it looked like ben was gonna be done like in like 30 20 30 seconds got the [ __ ] beat out of him somehow came back from it and and puts robbie in a super controversial choke and robbie looked like he tapped and so ben asked him won the fight so watching that everyone was like yo ben has got to come to this next fight whoever it is with a lot more prowess than that that [ __ ] was like way too close he definitely could have got bodied so leading up to this fight he is like talking so much [ __ ] he's like ah [ __ ] jorge he doesn't have what it takes to get to the next level uh listen to this guy talk i don't know what the [ __ ] he's saying real like condescending [ __ ] like kind of like kind of like you know real elitist [ __ ] so jorge mazerdahl you gotta understand after he knocked out darren till he was backstage doing an interview and one of darren till's homies came out and starts talking [ __ ] to him like this and that and jorge just pauses the interview he goes hold up and he walks up to him he's like what you say bro what'd you say you got an issue cracks him cracks his boy post fight after he just knocked out his homie with the same fist bang puts that can you not do that no i mean like it was definitely like i think he like paid a fine and like some other [ __ ] but he gave him like a like a two-piece two-piece or maybe it might have been a three-piece it was like ba ba ba touched him up like bad it was busted up so jorge going in the fight was like this whole thing's on camera oh yeah didn't give a [ __ ] jorge does not give a [ __ ] dude so he was just you know leading up to the fight he's like uh uh what i really like the way he put it is he was like you know what i really hope to do in there is i want to beat his ass for 14 minutes straight like he was like i want this to go the full fight i want to [ __ ] him up for the duration of the fight so ben askren's like oh you know he's this he's that and and one of the final interviews i saw was jorge saying you know i honestly feel like ben has a tinge of racism to him because any time a minority talks [ __ ] he always says something to the effect of i can't understand and this guy can't speak english so jorge was really like i'ma murder this fool so this is the best part you go watch the replay jorge puts his hands behind his back and he's smiling and he's leaning against the fence and he's looking at him and he's just like oh like he's just like judging him he's like you ready you ready and and the way ben kind of like comes off the cage he kind of like does like this kind of slow like [ __ ] you know [ __ ] komodo dragon move and jorge described us and when he looked at it he's like oh this [ __ ] the way he just the way he put it he's like he's gonna bite he's like i know you're going into he's like i know that he's gonna want to dive on me because he's going to want to get my legs and take it to the ground immediately so he's like so i've seen that and i was like yep like you fell for it ran right at him flying knee bang knocked him out and that was it it was like he did in about two seconds yeah yeah it was five seconds or the other three seconds was the ref trying to get him off because he he caves ben askren ben askren's head like dude he he goes like riga mortis yeah he's like yeah he goes stiff he just falls on the ground and then and then jorge gets on top punches bang bang twice and then did you see what he does after no he gets on the mat next to his [ __ ] unconscious head and he starts tapping the mat like a [ __ ] wwf wrestler i was going like boom boom boom you're done it turns around looks to the camera and goes that's sick yeah yeah and then what's funny is everyone after that is like that was classless oh you're just this down the third gives a [ __ ] he was like oh so it's cool for ben askren to talk about me and my family and the way i talk and all that shit's cool and then the moment i beat his ass now i gotta be respectful yeah [ __ ] that he's like he was a [ __ ] [ __ ] coming in this fight i'm gonna be an [ __ ] to him and the best part was in the post by presser he goes yeah um and i don't want anybody to get it [ __ ] up like it i don't like him and if i see him at whole foods i'mma slap him lisa i'ma [ __ ] him up again he's like i don't like him that's it that's awesome yeah so jorge is a bad [ __ ] dude and ben i knew i mean i knew it he he definitely needs to stick to wrestling and i mean he could [ __ ] me up right like he could probably knock my ass out but i'm not a fighter as far as like the the realm of like ufc right now you don't have it yeah that [ __ ] was crazy and what is that is that like the the belt did he get like the nah so now jorge is definitely gonna be up for the belt and uh um it's uh that fights crazy and and he might have to fight a dude that he's trained with for forever damn yeah that's it ufc's brutal like that you know puts you against your friends at times but yeah that's interesting yeah i was wondering what the whole back story was but didn't have enough drive to like research it and everything i was like i know noah's going to tell me something you know what's crazy is there was a there was a gift posted um of khabib and it was like a slow-mo of how he um got conor's legs and that guy is a [ __ ] artist dude like they were standing and it looks like he's about to strike and he fakes that like he fakes his head left so it looks like it kind of looks like he's gonna um it's just hard to tell like i don't really know what he was trying to get conor to do but as he's faking his head um he he dives and his left hand extends and he and he's got his left like he's got his head cranked all the way to the left because what he's anticipating is conor to do the same thing he's like oh conor's going to knee me in the head when i try to do whatever so he does this [ __ ] where he reaches for the left but then his right hand comes out and he grabs the back of conor's ankle and as conor's trying to knee him he clenches the knee in between his neck like on his trap so conor is like stuffed like it's like it happens in like half a sec it's like boom boom and he's got conor locked up like that and then sweeps him he's got it and got him on his ass yeah it was just like you know it uh it just sparks like a lot of like you know flying knee type discussion and [ __ ] flying knees are not successful that's what also made that knockout really special is there's only like a handful of people who've ever done it yeah [ __ ] uh joelle romero and chris weidman chris weidman got his like [ __ ] skull rearranged from that anyway skull rearranged backwards skull yeah all of a sudden no it's like one of those toys where like the head like flips into another one yeah exactly yeah let's turn into a lizard chris white is a lizard people wanted to talk about the minneapolis show if we got time where are we we i know i know i'm always the one that ends it but we had an important meeting oh yeah let me let me see you see oh damn damn we do have a little i told them we'd be there now and we're already late damn well look we will quickly say this minneapolis show was was fun yeah it was fun um it was just it was just like kind of just a little bit you all seemed a little subdued i mean maybe it was us too oh i also had uh i had like a like a small panic attack right before yeah and so i was off i was um i just i was really [ __ ] up like the first like half of the show i was like really really like anxiety prone like i i i don't know i was just like [ __ ] in my own head and like just really the because the past two shows before that i was super relaxed and i just felt great on stage like i just like felt we could riff and like totally whatever and then like as soon as that [ __ ] hits it's just i i just feel [ __ ] awful maybe that's what it was i i felt like the minneapolis show y'all were more listening like you know it's like one of those comedy shows where people were like just kind of listening and like like really just observing the show which is like i think going from the grand rapids show you know that was like oh man that was that [ __ ] was special that was a special one that church is everything about it that that show was [ __ ] god damn i know he's so loud and i know we because realistically all our shows are awesome like they like we could could not have asked for any better in terms of like doing live comedy because i've had tons of bombs i know what those feel like and none of these are bombs but um starting with that grand rapids show going to like a theater like that i think it's just a different vibe and it's hard to like separate mentally because that church man we could have started a riot in that [ __ ] that thing felt crazy yeah i mean it was a church too so obviously we did a lot of praying which was like fun all around you know luke p actually was our opener um guys we just want to thank god for stopping us from crushing insane amounts of [ __ ] uh um one thing i want to say right before we leave is please if you're listening to this uh on itunes go give us an itunes rating oh yeah yeah i mentioned that last time we got like 10 000 ratings or something some [ __ ] like that so let's jack it up to a 20. um tmgpod.com we have brand new walkman merch that's that's super cool i like it a lot yeah um it's simple but it's like the walkman font goes along with the whole aesthetic so if you want to if you want to wear that and uh wear it on the treadmill go for it [Laughter] and then tinymetor.com if you want to get tickets to uh any upcoming shows yeah and um we will um fix the website yesterday i forgot [ __ ] now you're gonna do that all the dates are out of out of whack look guys i just want to say this final note as well i know um at least i don't know i guess i brought up that comment earlier about our chemistry being that like i look at that and i think we are a little over over uh yeah it's our own fault it's not like we're a little over extended yeah and we're working through that so in all seriousness like we um thanks for sticking with us no yeah and like i guess just to be genuine for a second like i i really do care about like i want us to keep the show like fun and that's kind of why like i've avoided like we've talked about getting a jamie but i i don't want to do that like i want it to just be what it's always been just us two shooting the [ __ ] and i don't want to lose like that's what i'm really afraid of is losing the thing that everyone really enjoys and i don't want to do that so um yeah we appreciate you um dealing with the little delays and and our head space being a little out these are growing pains and we're gonna figure them out so i don't know sorry to be all emo i just i care wow cool man jesus cool man so uh you're gonna suck my dick jesus jesus dude get off their dicks i really care about you guys they're probably they're probably sitting there like jesus noel just get off my [ __ ] dick dude oh you gagging down there bro is your throat clear with how down my [ __ ] you are you [ __ ] [ __ ] all right guys we'll see you later

Channel: TMG Studios

Views: 254,271

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Id: L40v8Ia1Qt8

Length: 66min 32sec (3992 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 19 2019