Episode 78 - Put It In Your Face

what's up guys welcome to TMZ podcasts this is actually last week's episode if you want today's episode that'll be on our patreon right now you can get it a week early if you contribute its patreon.com slash tiny meet gang so thanks if you do that and if not enjoyed this one who's and we're live yeah we're lion we are live for live hello we're live this is so cool I can't believe it is it and then so this is this is the last yeah it's it's filming us wow yeah this is awesome yeah technology we're live we're live hi hello world you wouldn't believe it but we're live hello world hello everyone it is mark Wiens here and i am just so excited to be here in New Jersey today I have a delicious bag of meth and I meth is not very common here but I have found some local delicacy and I am so excited to just dive right in this is a very special batch I've never had him how can you tell it's meth well you can just you you can just see the the aroma not really it doesn't have a smell but you can see it smells very messy when you touch it it yeah I dip my finger in there and I I my took a little and I you know already felt a tingling in my gums yes and you that amazing tingling feeling in your gums very methi field3 methi feel yeah so um here we go and I'm going to be smoking it now now mmm oh yeah yeah that's meth very very messy feel this has to it and it almost you can you almost feel like the government is is watching you in a way um entertain the people for a second while I get focused hey guys what's good hello world we are live and this is so cool man this is so cool that we get to do this we get to podcast live or I guess almost live but it's it is it's actually technically recorded so you're seeing this after the fact but it is just so cool that we get to little red button and the houses the people get to listen to what we're saying and I just I just think it's so cool you know it's such a cool byproduct of the way technology advanced one add-on evolve I want to die and but it's so cool I don't know what that is that's a that's a yeah I'd have just learned what the internet is yeah pretty much so we're [ __ ] are we're an ass Barry we're in ass Barry's Park but we're in Barry that a spark New Jersey and we came here to bury some mass you know I'm saying we're beside the Law Offices of Barry our slot and Robert D Barry Barry that slot yeah I'm gonna say Barry our slot and Robert D Farber and Timothy J chez Robert de Farber Bobby too far V and you can't forget Diane terton Realtors yeah bit Barry Barry our slot is good Barry our slot with come Barry that ass just seems like you just smash a bunch of blueberries on a pair as cheeks Robert D Farber Robert I'm trying to take that D farther into my ass yeah yeah yeah there we go we're reaching on this one what does comma TSQ is that is Squire um I think it stands for yeah Esquire the magazine I'm gonna I'm gonna Robert take that d Farber Esquire here at Robert take that d Farber Esquire Law Offices we're gonna take that D so far down we're gonna take that defense oh there we go Robert d Farber we take the D we we take that we take the defense all the way to the guts nice yeah we take the D to the guts like that that's probably their catchphrase what about Timothy J Shea Timothy J Shea gue my mouth Timothy J shake my mouth Ruthie JJ sounds like a like an R&B singer it is Timothy J Shea that's like Jason Derulo Timothy J Shea Timothy J Jay a good bit at all we're in [ __ ] or an ass berry Park I'm trying to get the audio right audio here we go don't worry about it a tripping I'm true disgust I just gotta stay like this yeah we're Asbury Park it's actually really nice here it is we had a show in at the Pittsburgh show last night was super dope shout to everybody that came through good really fun was a good [ __ ] time yeah it was it was actually was really fun I didn't really want to get off stage by the end of it nah I want to stay up there all night it was [ __ ] dope it was great someone said that to there like don't leave just stay here it's a six-hour comedy show by the end we're just we're just doing this Robert D Farber Robert take the D farther yeah there it is it's got a funny name in here there there's a [ __ ] where's my phone there was a did I get some MMA fighter's name that I just couldn't believe it I was like what that's a [ __ ] yeah there it is hold on let me get it did you start this right when we started recording more or less yeah yeah we got a rough you got a rough estimate right there yet Pete this dude's name what else has happened I feel like a lot have in the last 24 hours really no we're just talking awesome [ __ ] Pittsburgh's Pittsburgh's crazy you can just smoke inside bars in Pittsburgh yeah I didn't know that still existed yeah America yeah so this dude's name it's fighting Eddie Alvarez which is a good fight Timofey nasty yukkin Timothy Timothy I am ofd UI Timothy nasty oaken it sounds like someone like with a speech impediment say yeah Timothy yeah it feels like a three-year-old saying it in English person Timothy Timothy Timothy nasty you can nasty you can that's a pretty great name yeah but nasty Utkin definitely a finishing move and we give you the nasty uckin right there oh that's definitely a finishing move yeah this is cool just just we can say these jokes yep and it's almost like they just go out thousands of people would click of a button the click of a button I'd say gods I don't like this I don't like this bit the [ __ ] cool cool technology dad hey amazing cool so you just speak right here into this microphone yeah that's great Tori every parent facetiming using Skype for the first time oh my god he's right there on the screen okay now that dad but talking to his cam girl daughter so you just you just flicked a beam right here in front of this thing yeah all you do is show your [ __ ] and the zillions of people donate money through the internet so do you rub the beam all day oh it's a it's a trick it's a gimmick okay so show me oh that's what your mother must be doing okay Jesus so you flick the bean okay you're flicking the bean right okay fine it's not the dad it's not the dad it's just a it's just a technology dad talking to a cam girl how about that makes it whole Center I like that you don't have to show mooch if you're flicking the bean right here just do it right on your genes okay you're flicking the bean and then how do they donate well they connect their payment Peyton I say PayPal what is PayPal is that like money order yeah yeah no it's like money order do you sell what is it money order we don't you go to the money order place and you give them cash and then they send the money I'm pretty sure I'm honestly pretty sure you can tip in money order on the cam girl website no way I think they take every single type of payment they take a bond that exists in a bond Robley that would be a great way to get paid honestly a bond yeah better than [ __ ] crypto you know it's gonna hold its value that's the dude you gotta be in a sad place if you're turning in bonds for a shout-out on on my free cams I've cashed I have I have 17 bond certificates and I would would love it if you could just say my name while you flick your bean there that's very nice very wealthy in bonds on money does the old distinguished man wanting a shout-out on this website just yelling it as a system tell the nice girl I have thirty bonds each valuing ten dollars and I put up in the 1950s after the war how many dude dude nobody bonds no give me stocks trade stocks at all used to don't have the old portfolio no mo mmm out of the market I am out of the market I've been for a minute Oh somebody's somebody just came on the bus yeah we're on the bus by the way if you're not watching the video oh yeah this is the this is the the TBH this is the back lounge baby the tour bus yeah the good old booth this [ __ ] bus is so much better than the first one we had it rules is we didn't even have a what we had a back lounge like this but it was like half the size and rock-hard seats just no one ever was back there cuz there's just not a new Civ to hanging out this is so relaxing well not only was a not conducive to hanging out we just like [ __ ] we just threw [ __ ] back there because there was nothing else to do with the room like anyone would just go chill back there yeah that's terrible this actually has like a nice like feel to it it's got like a TV and stuff like that back rooms cool as hell yeah we do work in here yeah that's what I was doing I was editing earlier I'd [ __ ] around do a reaction video in here yeah we might I mean hell I might get on the old cam and start flicking my beam in here yeah do it do that get those hey man I'm gonna need the back lounge I mama put my you know I'm play with my [ __ ] for a little bit yeah so don't come in yeah I'm gonna be I'm gonna be streaming on cam versity what streaming on Twitch did you know a hemorrhoid is actually just the clitoris for the Buzzi and sorry that's just what cuz you know it's like a little yeah a little numb over the hole I get it yep it's gonna be a really dope show this venue is sick Northeast has been great so far first 24 hours have been [ __ ] dope yeah yeah um new bus drivers great I haven't even met him really yeah he's a good guy nice dude yeah yeah I have just passed out last night it was night anyway Oh with this news clip oh yeah okay so by the time you're watching this is gonna be way in the future so this is old news by this point but I got to play this I'm gonna try to sync this up it's some [ __ ] that really uh you think you don't really need the visual and I don't know how we're gonna yeah yeah here let me just play it we'll watch it all the way through only like pause it and [ __ ] like that oh yeah now we can listen to the whole thing it's only 45 seconds long okay yeah just play it all the way through and then we'll then we'll Yap it up yeah we amp it up and then I can sync it up with the clip and then uh you know saying [ __ ] okay it blows [ __ ] yep so this is something that's like been going viral on Twitter and what was that [ __ ] II did with the bird he's trying to the cardi thing okay oh my god yeah holy [ __ ] that was desert that was dope mission accomplished by them that's basically like our [ __ ] bachelor character just yeah just just so much worse yeah yeah it's lit eBay fam all in the gang out here they have yes and the worst part is it was like they're all like dated references - yeah you're like bye Felicia yeah bye Felicia more ich get that Gucci breakfast designers turns turn and no FOMO out here guys oh my god homo is from like 2010 what's the point of that was that was it was they have some meeting where they're like okay we have to appeal like we're losing our audience member in our audience I got it we got to appeal the teens I feel like no teen is watching local news on cable no I feel like as like a smart writer just wrote it that way just so go viral on yeah you're just going insane like I'm gonna just feed on some stupid ass [ __ ] for them to say I don't buy that yeah it makes that less funny to me if it's intentional yeah cuz it feels like we got gamed I think we might have no I just want to think that that's for people that just are so so far out of time oh oh cool I can't even roll my tongue like how do they do that the oh cool oh cool I can't do it Oh Kurt I can't do it that's a tough how do you so so they do the ochre the ochre they do that thing on your beam on the camera okay did I get it there the oh-oh-oh-oh what if you couldn't do the sound well the Rolla stung at all what if you couldn't do it and they're like well just let Janet take it I want to try I want to try I think I can do it okay I got it can't do it now how could you do it on no I can't fine okay fine speeding yeah we're speeding what's up babe let's get it lit with those good grades out there okay okay let's cut you sure no I got no Janet no Janet gets everything let's do it come on it's beating I don't know what fine let's just be one more time soon all right speeding all right we're a hundo P with you out there students we want to make sure you're getting that good Gucci news so we want to let you get an ochre breakfast get the ocher breakfast you just said ochre you just said over you didn't even you didn't even try you just said it with an art just do that to the next time I nut Cody and I got on Instagram live and Cody put on the cat filter and then I did because is too goddamn funny and then we had a to camera setup so I was getting in with the cat filter from the medium and he was on the close-up that was meow daddy wants some milk good yeah awesome whole milk full fat that's a so creepy like old people roleplay like 45 year olds doing roleplay just with a little cat at who uh my cat yeah you're a cat yeah you're the cat aren't you meow budget meow for me little minx oh yeah oh yeah you want some milk she's get she's getting too into it it's not scratching me yeah stop stop punching me in the [ __ ] head now what the [ __ ] just playing with a ball yarn [Laughter] all right all right come on knock it off come on let's [ __ ] now get that yarn out of your [ __ ] what are you doing you know you're pushing it what are you doing are we gonna are we gonna [ __ ] or what do you just lapping up bowl of milk where'd you even get that I thought it I thought the milk was like a yeah I thought it was supposed to be like a reference did like my [ __ ] yeah you ever done any like roleplay like for real roleplay no never I know I haven't rolled you know not like legit roleplay yeah now never never liked the [ __ ] where you open the door and she's like I have a [ __ ] she's like I need somewhere to you weren't a rain jacket you know yeah just like I'm sorry I I need to use the phone and she drops the thing she can't believe that [ __ ] Jambo like from sitcoms um where she's like wearing a trench coat and then she opens it up it's just completely naked I mean I'm talking like no that's not role playing that's just it's just showing up at someone's house naked yes yeah this yeah this is being horny yeah that's role-playing is a horny person now any role-playing like plays do people at our Ordnung nom role I mean we role-playing is like like I'm mark Wiens and my girl is a delicious bowl of chili yeah or like a bond me or something yeah yeah or like you know you're under arrest certain you know I'm gonna search your whole body with my mouth let's do a cavity search get in the comments if you ever have like boobs your supple boobies mmm I'm so nurturing and mmm oh yeah that tastes like skin um you lick it long enough there's no of anyone's done any role play I think oh no what we talked about yesterday oh yeah those are freaky fans like I forgot who was someone mentioned of like they phrased it as a freaky fan oh yeah what was that someone in jqa knows that the VIP someone like phrases is a freaky fan and then I was laughing at the idea of someone being a fan of just anyone who being like I'm a bit chill out I'm a [ __ ] freak what I'm a freak all me let me get this picture there you go the liner to take the picture I got a I got a vibrator yes right now yeah yeah I got a bug in right now I will you are free I wore it for the picture but they don't want sex they just want to let you know that they were [ __ ] freak yeah they're free I'm a freak fan you don't need freak fans we got tons of freaks you got super freaks yeah we got freaky fans you know what I hate is how you know the new you know the new thought Dianna is what doubling words oh he a freak freak mm-hmm yeah suburban kids just learned that one doubling words oh he a freak freak that's so FOMO yeah it's so follow on Bay on the beta Bay gang lit that's yeah not turnt it oh I hate how you said that and you just like did the bottle flip you can't see my camera but he just did a water bottle flip and it landed up it's so BAE fam on lit no no no no no no no yeah dude that's [ __ ] on god that's so fam we are getting turnt stay woke gentlemen there it is boom you know you know there needs to be the air pods in bottle flip the fomo off hey fam turn on the gang here's a tweet thought tiana busing it down check squat it up with the fam check I don't know on god yeah oh yeah bussing down on God check heck with the gang check oh yeah hit with the gang check bussing down check thought Tiana check it's gonna be a good night it's lit lit its lit lit its lit lit oh it is lit lit sucks man working this is this is we're actually getting old because slang is just starting to suck ass no dude no cuz it's like when I hear people say no cab oh my god it's it's way because it's they took it from rappers no cap no cat because they tell you that's cap that's cap you're capping right now dude yeah it's not capping they apply it the [ __ ] that is so mundane uh-huh yo no cap Subway's lit do your capping for Subway yeah stop it dude Nathan is not having a party tonight you're capping he would have told me that's cap dude that's cap whatever that's cap you're capping this is when Nathan are you having a party so you're not capping I thought he was capping you weren't capping he is having a party that's not Kat what Trevor what the [ __ ] did you just say cap cap cap that's a hat cap know he's no cab no no cat cat Wow god dammit dude I hate that [ __ ] that's fam fam it's justwhat yes this one suburban kids take some [ __ ] that rappers say and then just they abuse the [ __ ] out of it is that from that's from the Drake song okay yo you rich rich I mean I think I don't know where people got it from but people just started doubling [ __ ] oh yeah freak freak yeah that that mmm-hmm that's old as hell yeah as old as hell mhm Oh mo mo mo phone oh that's FOMO FOMO oh he's feeling FOMO FOMO yeah so we're gonna be when this episode comes out we are gonna be where you gonna be aren't you gonna be somewhere nah we're already gonna be back from [ __ ] nah nah nah this ain't Europe I will be getting ya this will be the week of Nashville so I'll be getting ready to head out to Europe got it George or up Europe Europe you know he's [ __ ] speaking at accents what's that video you sent me the other week of that Ukrainian girl just going off on a watered-down crazy wait I got to play this I got to play it oh I said it - yeah the RPP yeah the peep the penis the People's Republic of the penis palladium we have not died oh we can talk about this [ __ ] don't we already talked about that yeah [ __ ] Jesus I gotta find this [ __ ] video okay here nope not that one you got some bad [ __ ] this is like some model that yeah here it is she's responding to some DM she got about how she keeps her skin so clear okay an innocent question just a fair question and she just videos [Music] going through I was just gonna describe this yeah you don't really need to see it so she's going through her fridge right now and she's just grabbing like the foods that she's referring to one at a time and going no sugar protein yeah grabbing like her and they're all like whole foods those like raspberries and like has just like organic bread and [ __ ] yeah [ __ ] is she listening to candy was raspberries and blueberries more oranges tea more tea guess what it's got no sugar so condescending oh that's cool I wish okay we got it we got it lady what's good like that the hitting [ __ ] style filming things jogar yeah just [ __ ] pass slamming things nota [ __ ] $10 steam it your [ __ ] no oil oil steam the [ __ ] steam it crash it [Laughter] [ __ ] oh my god the throw a [ __ ] towel down on this [ __ ] no so died water I want to parody that [ __ ] just talk about how some of you ask how I make my face look like [ __ ] let me show you just over my fridge it's like Taco Bell and just pick up a crunch wrap and just boot it across the [ __ ] room Crunchwrap supreme bags of [ __ ] out of [Laughter] cool ranch Dorito put it in your [ __ ] mouth [Laughter] I have no idea what to expect out of your skin if you're eating healthy food raspberries chocolate pace Taco Bell put it in a [ __ ] mouth trust me little baby once you eat enough [ __ ] your face will finally look normal it tastes like heaven yeah look like a pizza dude I was condescending video ever she's like hey I'm a model let me show you how what I do yeah it has rust me little babies yeah and she the worst part was was that she's like she's like you've been eating [ __ ] your whole [ __ ] life it's like yeah but that's like half half of it it's like not their fault yeah parents been feeding the [ __ ] sugar since they were a kid I'm a dog it's like it's like also yeah maybe at all like her [ __ ] attitude yeah you have clear skin but maybe you're also a [ __ ] model yeah dick not everyone is built like you you [ __ ] [ __ ] you think if we all just magically a clear skin we just now we're just clear skin Oompa Loompas we're still [ __ ] we're still built the way we're built yes it's most of you have been eating so much [ __ ] since you were born must be so nice sorry we don't have like grannies if arms I have a next door to us there's not there's I don't know a single farm around where I live there's not one granny no there's there's Bristol Farms Bristol Farms yeah it's a grocery store exactly is Bristol Farms and there's um auntie you know granny Auntie Anne's Pretzels yeah in your [ __ ] face I don't think you should break out put the pretzel in your [ __ ] mouth once I'm gene see punching everything bun Singh the jam once I'm Jim smashes the [ __ ] bottle on the counter she's so [ __ ] rude dude beer drink it alcohol shove it in your mouth suck it down pop-tart eat it eat more eat whole box of pop-tart and Cheesecake eat it cheesecake eat it mint chip ice cream breakfast Jimmy John overload with meat and cheese after breakfast tidy with boba snack suck it down suck it put it in your [ __ ] face Jessie might sub bullet in your ass oh you gotta take a break this is a quick break we'll be right back ladies and gentlemen this week we want to thank me undies for sponsoring this episode look you all probably spend about 90% of your life in your underwear at least we hope so don't you think you owe it to yourself to make sure you're wearing the softest undies in town these undies are so soft they make Bob Ross's voice sound like Gilbert Gottfried if your boxers feel like Gilbert Godfried then god bless your [ __ ] you need something better me undies uses the coveted micro modal fabric which is three times softer than cotton all right they offer multiple style options for both men and women and they're doing a great offer right now for all of our listeners any first-time purchases you can get 15% off and free shipping if you're interested in that and you want to soften up what's going on in your pants you want to get Gilbert Godfried out of your pants head on over to me undies 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turkey covered in sugar put it in your [ __ ] face eat it eat it eat it mmm Reese's Pieces eat them ramen noodles with 20 eggs and chicken inhale it the whole bowl McDonald's go there [Laughter] god dammit dude must be so like must be a crazy feeling to just be a hot person and then you just get on Instagram and you're like I'm gonna tell everyone to eat fruit mm-hmm today mm-hmm I'm a [ __ ] make them feel like [ __ ] yeah cuz you you idiots this is what you've been doing wrong the whole time will be me yeah you could be this you just gotta stop eating sugar dude didn't you point to like blueberries is like one of her first like whatever yeah it was a candy dude more candy I guess the FDA puts out a list every year of like really of like the dirt like the fruits that are covered in the most pesticides blueberries is like top three I think it was number one yeah so what are you saying don't eat blueberries yeah it's just like it that's not the [ __ ] it's not the solution man there's more [ __ ] like it just goes beyond eating [ __ ] fruit you dummy yeah it's candy covered in [ __ ] pesticides pesticides eat that eat that [ __ ] best and this bottle of Lysol put a straw in it drink the whole thing bleach and ammonia gasoline put it in your nose inhale it chloroform breathe it only a little bit goddamn it mmm her fridge look empty as hell - oh yeah that's shit's depressing depressing and expensive - yeah yeah expensive way to eat yeah we my mom sent me email and she was like she's like hey I don't know if you've used this gift certificate yet and it was a one that she got me hooked for my birthday or Christmas or whatever has a Whole Foods gift certificate yeah and I think it was for like a hundred bucks there's okay I didn't check how much it was for I just assumed probably for like a hundred bucks or something like that so I went to Whole Foods it was right before we left I bought 300 bucks worth of stuff she's which I mean I didn't know was 300 bucks I bought a shrimp cocktail was 15 bucks for a [ __ ] like 8 pieces of shrimp I mean look I was just like yeah it can't be that much right I thought and I get to the till I open up the gift card in my email and I drill into the email coz before I just saw the subject line yeah drilling of the email says zero bucks left on the card Rick bought all his [ __ ] food right before I left and there's nothing yeah and she's doing that every single that's like 300 bucks worth of food right there what she was pointing to god yeah organic food is no joke nah this [ __ ] adds up so fast [ __ ] is robbery oh yeah at Whole Foods it's like I go to Trader Joe's man Trader Joe's charges you the appropriate price at Trader Joe's great 39 cents for a whole bag of spinach as it should be hmm Whole Foods nine dollars for spinach spinach and then you got a [ __ ] wash you know like peel it yourself yeah Joe's always has like the best like containment for stuff yeah well you know what I mean like everything comes like pre-cut and pre whatever it say I want do any that [ __ ] I'm gonna [ __ ] chef I don't want to cut onions yeah pretty dice three nice it's the best the Mon saves you so much time yeah it's the [ __ ] boy I'm not what do I look like Gordon Ramsay I got cut my own onion Lena's just super versatile in the kitchen and she gets like registrated when I suck ass in the kitchen I'm just like mmm I remember one time we always get like petty arguments when we cook together and she's like you know she's being like you're cutting the onions like reckless you're gonna cut yourself and like it like I needed them yesterday and I'm like chill out Gordon Ramsay if I [ __ ] like needed them yesterday at such a kitchen term I know I shouldn't say that it's like that's like yesterday that's like it's like her attitude about it I remember one time I was like dude if I was just like I want you to help me edit this video ya go like why don't you why did you slice the cut point there why don't you [ __ ] do a J cut why are you cutting why are you not doing a Jacob she's like okay fine d this render yesterday please Clippy is it I can't punch anything with where I managed to live it I can't punch a damn things you gara gara the three spaces eat them eat the chips eat it put the whole [ __ ] can of Pringles in your [ __ ] mouth phone use it screens stare at them percocets take them ethanol more ethanol don't drink regular alcohol drink straight ethanol that in brain alcohol as the weirdest time to come in on this RT r just over there [ __ ] door he's like what are you doing what no what we're doing is all you heard was smacking sex have it yeah yo you where we get food oh yeah let's do it yeah before it and hungry is yeah we could do before he's asking us if we want food before or after yeah I'm down for it before yeah said as a menu will [ __ ] we want [ __ ] ethanol and Pringles to put in our [ __ ] face need it sugar you want son of Matt's friends is walking around in Philly it's a mall this dude goes down the street on a bike pulls up right next to it looks I'm cold in the eyes and goes you think you can buy my house huh no you think you could buy my house you fat [ __ ] it was a space I don't think sigh he goes just one thing I thought he was like you think you buy my house huh yeah fat [ __ ] and then he just took off on his bike so cold that that's cold not letting someone have the chance to even respond oh is the best way to like insult someone you know I'm saying give me those homeless person had no idea what the bug is saying like that's so cold it's being like you fat [ __ ] just riding off and they're like what what and Bradley's friend was like I mean I've been trying to lose weight [Laughter] imagine like dieting for two weeks go to the gym every day feeling good about yourself you shred off a couple pounds and some homeless person called you a fat pig yeah and the homeless goof and it's just trash she can't even be like you came to say anything back because all the [ __ ] drugs his Duns got him finish it yeah he just weirdly thin and in shape he weirdly looks really good what the [ __ ] off dude actually get to use drugs all day I got to work for this [ __ ] dude crack smoke it smoke it [ __ ] a dude oh I'm still laughing at that just her she was punching everything in her [ __ ] kitchen just so mad who are you mad at yeah I mean at all maybe she gets that how did this even pop up on my [ __ ] screen okay that's sick teen dies of tapeworm egg infestation in the brain well everybody just has to live with that thought that's the most horrifying thing I've ever I don't even know I didn't open the news app what has happen why do they you know the the size I mean was this an Amber Alert everyone get this on their phones the same time oh I didn't get that zip team dies on tape work tapeworm egg infestation in brain that's tight dude how does that how does that happen tapeworm yeah find out how that how it got there I don't want to why it might be over like a absurd enough story that only like 10% of us are afraid the rest of the nine percent his parents said that their son had felt pain in his right groin for a week a physical exam revealed that he had confusion and tenderness in the right testes okay oh so he's had sensitive balls sensitive balls and then what and then I guess they did an MRI and they found out that he had [ __ ] [ __ ] in his brain how did he die I guess I don't know I don't even want to read this anymore I mean really that afraid that [ __ ] scares the [ __ ] out of me you ever heard of that disease where like you just can't sleep and you just eventually I don't talk about that I want to talk about that actually scared right now I'm reading a book on sleep and the author of that book brought it up and I was like I skip the paragraph like oh oh that sounds like [ __ ] torture oh dude it's scary yeah it's scary [ __ ] it's unbelievable how how much sleep matters yeah it's un-fuckin'-believable mm-hmm it's like kind of a so this book kind of left on how important sleep is a little bit yeah oh that's a bus down bus down yeah no I'm reading this books called why we sleep well there's PhD that's been by a PhD that's been researching sleep for like 20 years or something oh it's just incredible how much sleep actually matters and how much America doesn't get it I was gonna point out right there just uh I could have here Sam quipping to that what this is - a [ __ ] book cuz we need to wait what I could imagine Sam responding to that like you say I'm reading this book called why we sleep he's like it's a dumb [ __ ] book yes stupid I can write that book one page because we need it the end sleep next onde get it does he like stay up did you talk about why Americans don't do does he try to tie it to like cell phones or not culture I mean I'm only 10% through the book right now but uh no it's a cultural thing it's like you know we just don't you know it's you know what's funny is that like is that like different people have different circadian rhythms yeah like I'm a morning person mm-hmm but like Kelsey's not really a morning person she likes to sleep in I can't sleep in yeah and like society has like a way of shaming people that like to sleep in and that like work better at night yeah like our whole structure based on getting up at 7 a.m. and getting at work at 8 a.m. and [ __ ] like that but the reason it's like that is because when we lived in tribes like it makes sense you we sleep in groups so it makes sense people do have different rhythms because then there's only like a four-hour window during the night where you're completely unprotected got it because if someone's up you know early in the morning then that's like yes protecting the group or whatever right at that time where's people stay up at later points in the night I don't know it's cool and so like people that's a genetic thing hmm and so you kind of have to like respect people's like wait they're like when people are alert and when they're not yeah I like I think my circadian rhythm is get high a watch periscope till 2:00 then wake up at 10:00 hey if that's your rhythm man I don't know that's your rhythm if I if I can get to sleep at 11:00 and sleep like nine hours then I can get up in the morning but it's like I can't do any less than that it's the weirdest [ __ ] can you but you can work like it'll at 11:00 oh hell yeah yeah you can yeah I can because there's you know there's people that like like just stay up till 4:00 every day yeah and they like to like they feel great at like 3:00 a.m. yeah yeah I'm pretty like I can be pretty like razor sharp till about 1:00 and 2:00 in the morning yeah yeah which one of your parents are like that my dad okay that motherfucker's stay up till 3:00 4:00 in the morning gotcha writing code just stone awake yeah it's brains always on isn't that interesting though yeah yeah it's probably crazy epigenetic oh as crazy as [ __ ] is that it like if you don't sleep it like just it triples your risk of getting cancer heart disease everything really yeah it's crazy [ __ ] it really [ __ ] matters like getting good restful sleep mmm I've seen the half-life of caffeine is like five hours for most people which means you drink one cup of coffee takes about 10 hours well that's really out of your sister yeah that's right yeah you drink coffee like after dinner yeah you're pretty much you pretty much just [ __ ] your sleep up for that night damn it's crazy it's a bunch of [ __ ] I mean like obviously obviously it's not as extreme as I'm making it sound but I mean this [ __ ] is like serious and it's just like nobody I I think really interesting because it's the thing that I I know affects me the most in life is asleep yeah I get the end of the day like if it's not it's not like alcohol and drinking whatever it's the lack of sleep that happens when I do those things yeah that affects my mood and my anxiety and everything that's why I don't like to to drink I know that I haven't been drinking much for the past two weeks and it's a [ __ ] amazing I feel incredible I don't use I've been sleeping every night yeah I don't know why alcohol makes me one the next day like without fail alcohol makes me like want a [ __ ] a lot hmm I wake up the next day I have to [ __ ] like crazy I just I was that linked to you know I'm just like well it just that's one reason I don't like it like I know for sure the next day I'm just gonna be [ __ ] my brains out yeah and then too I always feel I wake up like super foggy like like I didn't sleep you know like I know I just didn't sleep I get up I'm like I know my eyes were closed but I definitely was just not fully in it yeah exactly so that that is exactly what happens alcohol affects your ability to get into REM sleep which is where your brain like converts short-term memories into long-term memories yeah so if you're not getting REM sleep like consistently your memory is worse you won't remember things that your because your brain basically works like like a computer does when it like has like treats short-term memory like RAM okay so if you have too many will just like get rid of the ones that it doesn't think are important and then when you sleep it converts the ones that it does think it are important to long-term memories which it only happens in REM sleep which is insane because what the [ __ ] controls that in your actual brain yeah I don't know [ __ ] like that I know but that's like that's [ __ ] wild no it's crazy there's a seed there's this chemical that that builds up during the day that like basically encourages your brain to get into REM sleep like when you're sleeping or whatever okay and an early sign of like dementia and Alzheimer's is like the stopping of that like the your brain like stops producing that chemical basically well we should they can actually like detect it like pretty early on I think Lamar I've only read a little bit of this book but did I want to read this [ __ ] no it's really [ __ ] interesting you should I I'm trying to like seeing you read Spock's reading now and then like some of his friends are reading I want to change my schedule so I'm doing a little bit more reading yeah like yeah read read some read books I mean not even a [ __ ] doesn't have to be a book per se like could be some [ __ ] I don't know some study some whatever I just I'm trying to limit how much garbage intake I have cuz I just have way too many videos and like dark ass memes and [ __ ] I feel like consuming all this horrible [ __ ] that I've it's gonna [ __ ] me up at some point like I'll send you [ __ ] you go where do you find this I mean but like at this point you're as [ __ ] up as you're gonna get I think yeah I mean yeah probably you know what you know the best part is is you don't actually have to read you don't have to take pictures of yourself reading on your story and then as long as we're talking about reading and stuff like that if people think I really think we read and I think that's that I'm well-read exactly yeah that's all you got to do that's the [ __ ] run yourself a nice bath pour yourself a glass of rose a there you go take a picture of you in the bath reading the Kindle boom-boom so cute yeah so it's just so innit - and then action I'm such a nerd yeah he with the little buck tooth yep emoji such a nerd such a nerd reading about because I'm raising because I'm reading The Da Vinci Code yeah in a bath yeah I'm reading a [ __ ] Dan Brown novel oh my gosh did you know that Nicolas Cage movies were based on a book yeah that's dope though what's the last [ __ ] book I read dude I don't even know yeah come put a finger on it used to read a lot of like spirituality books and [ __ ] mmm it's all horseshit though like the Bible no no no I read like I started reading like like an annotated version of the Bible that was kind of interesting I read an annotated version of the book that is used in like Hinduism or one of the books that's cool the Gita bro that no miscellaneous [ __ ] by different like Yogi's and stuff but you know you like they say write some [ __ ] where you're like yeah like you know you got different people claiming like they don't eat anymore we have read the earth yeah like like Yogi's like oh he thought I don't eat I just consume sunlight and convert it into it's like food yeah don't don't eat it ya want some Jim don't eat it yeah and like you know different it's so funny now to like uh cuz when I was like rapping in high school I was making all that shitty music I would incorporate a lot of those concepts like insulate what I was rapping about and it's so funny now like 10-15 years later to hear the word astral like just [ __ ] thrown up everywhere like because of it like just like a scope [ __ ] not that or just like you know fake-ass Instagram Yogi's like with six packs or even rappers putting that [ __ ] and there's like just that word astral and like astral presence and astral this that's like being on that wave no I don't know it's just more like it's such a buzzword like I remember even reading those books that word to me was like oh that's really cool there's a cool word hmm and these concepts are really interesting but it's cool cuz it I mean it has ass as ass in it yeah kind of like ass berry exactly ass berry eat it he bit the Des Barres corn watch it watch porn watch porn spank off to porn if you want an unhealthy brain you have to fill it full of [ __ ] porn till it's full of porn spank off to the porn watch the fart porn spank to the porn watch porn someone sent does a porn star doing ASMR is like a reaction video I was just her live-streaming and just like periodically being like busting my ass with their boobies out - yeah what when you like went to pornhub like to look it up just a [ __ ] front page of porn or just any page on pornhub is so like just in your goddamn face if they have figured that [ __ ] I just got eight [ __ ] auto-playing gifts I'm just like just holes getting spammed and you immediately yeah you open a pornhub to find like something funny like that you know like just in that scenario we were opening up to like get more info on this one thing and all sudden it's like hypnotoad you know it's like weird trance we're like I got it I need to jack off I need to I was immediately like close this man I don't close this we talked about this last time what are we talking about this with like that whole dude [ __ ] where dude sit around and watch porn together yeah we're talking about that yeah like when you're young yeah it's so isn't that the bonus episode we talk about this [ __ ] I don't know I don't know that [ __ ] is so [ __ ] whatever we want to cover it again yeah goddamn hats off to pornhub that they can get a user in for three seconds and also yeah they're just guaranteed to burn you YouTube wants to be pornhub so bad and they can't yeah they want out everything about that platform and they there's just no way from the replicate that [ __ ] hmm not at all I agree I totally agree they are slowly yeah they slowly but it's like it's never gonna be as engaging as porn looking like you see like pornhub needs like real advertisers yeah I think brands just need to stop being [ __ ] lame about it and just accept it like we jackoff we masturbate everyone it like is into smut it'd be so cool to just fire up pornhub and it just pre-rolls a Samsung ad yeah or like a Thai dad or something like that like that's that's awesome that's what I'm saying that's probably when you're gonna get a good decision out of somebody's if they're horny mm-hmm or a split decision yeah not a good decision not a good decision like opposite like he's about a whippet I was like [ __ ] yeah I do need a new wash I do have to get the Jews stains out of this stuff eventually huh well okay Samsung calm yeah yeah I'm just gonna control click that one save that for later and then inish and then yeah he's like hey man you know you buy that [ __ ] [ __ ] dude hey buy that [ __ ] do you do you get insanely hungry after sex no not really I sing about that the other day if I [ __ ] if I bus down it's like within without fail I first go into like this 20 minute nap that is like I cannot be moved I pretty much die for 20 minutes I like just roll back I just roll over and for 20 minutes cold okay then I wake up and I'm alert as [ __ ] and I'm starving it's through every time every time it's the weirdest [ __ ] I'm hungry as [ __ ] we jackoff - uh nah weird coma right after you check ah no no I I do I can't crank it just like with our schedules there's no way crank you know I really I honestly haven't jerked off in like months there's no way man I'll go straight to sleep it's just not possible I don't know for me it's like after after sex it's just I always want to watch TV CEO wants to cuddle you're like I'm on this Law & Order yeah I DVR'd this and I just want to watch this real quick now you watch TV yeah Mikey drink some tea we got this ridiculous tea from Trader Joe's it's like pomegranate [ __ ] yeah those are Kevin's so no it doesn't it's caffeine free and it tastes like juice honestly so that's a nice little nightcap little nightcap a little night no cat Oh cat little night no cat no cab is a nice little night cat cat yeah man I'd it's the I hate how hungry I get it's so annoying dude that's annoying it's really it [ __ ] damn whatever your [ __ ] just like my picture oh oh that's crazy and she's listen am sorry for calling you listener I didn't mean I didn't mean like that oh we got to go soundcheck brother oh [ __ ] where we at hold on we're on the one-yard line on the one-yard line here so there we go this man I feel so much more comfortable this time around I feel like we can actually like just [ __ ] goof on the podcast conversation and doing the show is a little bit more like natural for us yes and you know we can oh wait wait wait we can we can close it on this student of speaking of shows I got the goddamn book book funniest [ __ ] DM the other day I hold up hold up you want some Jim you want some no no no no no no all right I'm not gonna dirt I'm not gonna Doc's our boy is gonna say dirt this is a turf story so keep this out Pete this out peep this out guys hey I have a really good during story oh no every every different story is a conditioning story I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints parentheses we don't call ourselves Mormons anymore but I was with this chick and her friend who was an open lesbian we went back to this chicks house who I had been with most of the night before the lesbo chick joined us clearly just such a straight dude straight white did you know spray-z my I used the word chick one time my dad was like don't say that why I was like what do you mean he's rude he was just like they're women just don't say that it used to be like a like a like a derogatory term for a woman didn't it chick I think so yeah yeah but he was just like don't say that [ __ ] that's fine yeah I almost got my [ __ ] I was I almost got punched like a bunch of blueberries like a bag of chips yeah my dad never actually hit me he just had to like stare at me and I'm like he could [ __ ] me up I'm not gonna say anything anyway we turn on to move back to the story we turn on a movie and I start during the straight chick and the lesbo chick I don't think had any idea but I don't know I go to finger the chick and she won't let me so I roll over and stop the durf but then she starts kissing the lesbian girl at this point I'm hella confused so I go derf with the straight chick sister and then I leave so there's a derf orgy this is a derf ji a dirty I didn't even know that was possible [ __ ] dude that sounds it's like a swingers club oh my god swingers but none of them can actually [ __ ] dude Mormon being Mormon sounds tight yeah that's awesome dude just pull oh no wonder book we should read yeah Book of Mormon look I'm late no you pull up to the party and then everyone's just got like really tight five 11s and you're like oh it's going down and you can just see the outline of everyone [ __ ] you know the vibe you know the vibe if everyone's got the Lee dungarees then they're like bootcut is not that kind of party but if it's the five 11s you know it's like it's time to derf yep mm-hmm it's time to earth dude time to get down in here feet there's just just a room where a girl just sits there and she's like I'm turf and everybody in this [ __ ] party here's another room was just a guy who's like anybody wants to take a ride on the durf Pony d'oeuvre club yeah yeah we're heading out to the durf Club everyone's wearing like leather and [ __ ] but they're only during oh my god okay you're gonna call me such a [ __ ] don't say anything I'm I did a derf bang last derv dang I did I did a gang derf last night it was crazy I let everyone get a turn oh man there derf derf it up all right Derek tariff it up yo a our mini app or [ __ ] let's get the proper date on this we've done this three episodes and we just don't have it let's get the proper date bro proper twelve uh no shout out to see McGregor he's doing some stupid [ __ ] lately okay we got I don't [ __ ] with him like that all right we got Grand Rapids on June 26 Milwaukee June 27th Minneapolis on June 29th are they going sold out yeah June 27th is mill is mint was Milwaukee June 27th Milwaukee passed theater come on come on boys and girls and ladies and gentlemen then turfs and turf's come on out to the show it's gonna be a good show and we hope to see you there yeah seriously thanks guys see you next time we're gonna sound jack yeah

Channel: TMG Studios

Views: 223,926

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Id: XuaSbn2FAYw

Length: 65min 22sec (3922 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 19 2019