Episode 238 - Thirst Traps at Medieval Times

hit me with one right now he was what a deez nuts joke come on do it nah it's weird no i want it i want it's weird when you no i want one right now i don't like it i need it you've been playing geoguessr lately geoguess artist geo gesser i don't know i can't i'm not falling for that but i can't figure it out no well i i got the highest score last night that's good it doesn't really work if you know that's the problem how could we get me not to know dude you heard of the okla reactor zone what what's a real place the what okla reactor zone huh it's like a nuclear fission reactor huh it's crazy that's crazy look that up luke put that on the screen right now [Music] scroll down see this is good now you're waiting for it you don't know when it's gonna come i know what do you what are you gonna say what are you what are we looking for i don't know yeah i'm scared you feel the tension i do that's that's that's the power when you well you wanna with these nuts you just don't know i know i'm i'm very alert like i'm anyway what'd you do in new york [Laughter] this is a bit of a tarantino move right there i'm not i'm really uncomfortable right yeah i know because you don't know when it's coming you start to figure it out oklahoma you know i ate some good food yeah did you go to the meatpacking district me packing okay not gonna get me with that no no i'm i'm too seasoned at this point yeah i can see them coming from a mile away can you me packing stupid do you think i am oh was it in the okla reactor zone why are you bringing that up yes where even is that anyway what else did you do in new york you go central park i did yeah what'd you do there i ran really yeah of course yeah how far did you run why does that do you really care i mean yeah i don't know what's happening right now let's trying to throw you off that's the point okay you said how do we get you to not know this is how we get you to not know your mind [ __ ] i'ma twist it up my neurons are like you know how far did you run a few miles this should be a horror movie [Laughter] these nuts lurking in the dark just waiting to get got yeah i know ask me some more questions what else you got how how only a few miles yeah don't you do like marathon distance sometimes if i'm in the i mean i'm not i'm pretty out of shape right now oh nice okay my bad it sucks actually what else did you catch any plays um [Laughter] nc hamilton did you no i didn't see hamilton um okay this is a fun game actually yeah because i'm trying to figure it out in my head yeah when's it going but i'm taking risks every single time i actually answer the questions yeah so i didn't i didn't see one for hamilton so i answered that one right not none of those are in the okla reactor zone why you keep bringing that up just a little mind [ __ ] you know what is that where even is this it's a little country called gabon [Laughter] see i didn't have to say it go bone i've never never been there before no no you want to get one of these [Music] what's up guys this is the tv podcast this is today's free episode if you want this episode ad free and extra bonus episode you can find that right now on our [Music] the flying website may soon be solved you're not a stoner goodbye the army air forces has announced that a flying disc has been found and is now in the possession [Music] please look at all the signs flashing your seatbelt and get ready for debate everybody listen gather round because we have something very important to tell you right now we do indeed um starting this coming monday we're going to be dropping a brand new special brand new all new show one time a month featuring myself cody i'll be there yeah ben and emil the trillionaire mindset guys it's gonna be the four of us we're doing a yeah like a monthly special and it will potentially could come out to potentially do it more oh yeah you'll like it we'll see yeah but uh you know we had so much fun having them on the episode recently having on the bonus episode they were like we got to do this more more often so uh it's going to be right here on the youtube channel or on the same podcast feed and then we're doing an extended version like a bonus episode uh on tmgstudios.tv yeah so you'll get the full no ads full director's raw cut on the tmg studios app and the name of the show is the eight ball special let's go which is ben's idea yeah because it's technically eight balls eight balls anyways it'll be 60 minutes of us and the trillionaire guys uh here and who knows 90 minutes in the app of us going bananas so look out for that this might be good [Music] oh have you ever been to uh ugilolo no oh where's that it's in gabon oh where even is this uh africa gabon you like um cameroon yes never been there oh me either yeah francis and gandu is from cameroon you ever been to uh sorry my iphone froze well we're not on the same page today i was trying to follow up on cameroon and then my iphone froze come on cameroon shut up dude i'm trying to make something work with that i for can't believe you're still sucking my balls there we go yeah you ever been to ghana yeah mom gonna suck on this okay this is stupid you ever been in kazakhstan i can not stand [Laughter] like has not stand this [ __ ] joke thanks thanks that was really good dude thanks man anyway it's gonna be awesome when like the average age of this audience's of this episode's audience is eight years old yeah yeah it's seven yeah let's talk about minecraft yeah for some reason like we got a disproportionate number of people listening to this episode from an ipad yeah from kids youtube really weird we have a major 90 spike in kids youtube viewers anyways man you were in new york yeah did you love it yes oh my god yeah what a magical city yeah it is just it's unbelievable i haven't been there in like i mean since we did a show there i think you yeah right how long ago was that three years ago four years yeah about three years like and and that wasn't really the same for some reason just because like you're on tour and you're just popular just tired but like i don't know going there for five days it's just like you feel the energy it's cool it's so cool everyone in la is like you pass someone and they're like hey everyone in new york is like gotta get gotta go yeah gotta get to the next thing excuse me yeah and you're like where are you going oh i wanna what are you doing i wanna know there's so many things happening yeah excuse me oh it's what a magical city just you just feel different there yeah just infinite possibilities you know feel like a rat yeah i mean i guess yeah i feel a little dirty yeah well not really yeah was it trash day at any point that you went out um no i don't think so i just whenever i think of new york i pictured like the mounds of bags and bags of trash on the street i love new york though oh it's the best oh my god and um yeah it was just [ __ ] sick we stayed at a great hotel and uh just so happened to be the same hotel that a lot of the [ __ ] celebs we're staying at for the met gala so can't escape it oh endless possibilities to sneak into parties that's what you were thinking it's ula dude thank you i can't get away from the celebs look at the look at look at all these people from the met gala yeah so many chances to sneak into parties this weekend where can i sneak in like a rat yeah whose hair can i climb into yeah and control [Laughter] so i can get into the party so did you did you catch any in the wild uh vanessa hudgens yeah where'd you see her at the hotel would you walk up to her and just dap her up yeah yo nessie nessa nessie what's up big nessie nessie what's good you're going to be at the nouveau lawfully later for sure see you yeah are you going to be at the matt gala you're going to be you're going you go to the met yeah i'm gonna i'm going i'm going i'm gonna i'm i'll see you there later hodge almost called you messy so many celebs here this weekend forgot i'm not in europe kind of feels that way when we're here doesn't it i was just yeah i was just at a party last weekend with the weekend yeah tyga threw up is crazy [Music] it was crazy it was crazy all right also i met gallop no i'm kidding i'm just kidding i'm playing nessie you know me with the one liner yeah what's up though hit me you know text me you're just talking to her security's belly button the whole time she's not even there just whispering into his belly button that was pretty funny it was like every day because the med gala was yesterday and we were there from wednesday to sunday so it was like every day that hap that went by more and more people would be outside the hotel waiting to see somebody and they eventually like had to set up like metal guardrails and like there was crazy paparazzi there on saturday but it's funny because like a hotel is like a public i mean it's a private thing but like you can just come in yeah and all these people are standing on the guard rails right outside it's like you could just walk in the lobby and sit on the couch and it's the same thing yeah it's like this invisible it's just [ __ ] weird yeah that's psycho how big does the crowd get i mean there's like a hundred people outside the hotel and then i'm like if you were a a-list celebrity why would you even stay there at that point because i mean i guess you do it to be seen yeah like kind of the point of the mech ellis like get pictures taken of you right yeah you should have walked out to that crowd and just pull out your phone and just so my grandma was in the hospital like what like dude she has dementia i told her about the met gala but uh something she'd remember right we're not feeling that one it's cool um okay so yeah your open mind yeah yeah okay just captive audio wasn't sure what you were doing there yeah yeah you just started doing one-liners just a hole not feeling that one no okay i got one giggle over there all right cool cool cool what uh who'd you come here with tonight yeah nice shirt not getting into the metal with that a little roast okay um you got any couples any couples tonight make some noise make some noise oh yeah yeah yeah you know i say living with a woman's lot like living with the nightcrawler they're just popping up asking you questions you're not ready to answer i'm gonna do act out now if that's cool people just start leaving it's like it's not worth it they're like i thought that's that's i thought we were waiting until harry's saying that that's not worth it bro that's how you get into the celebrity party you go out in front of those that crowd and you bomb for an hour straight till they all [ __ ] bounce yeah and then that's when nessie comes down she's like that was incredible unbelievable you should come to the party tonight yeah here's the address see if you can get in yeah see if you can get it hey i'm here uh the hudge invited me so there's a party going on there's no party no party no party there's no party hey guys i want to take a quick break to thank the sponsor of today's episode which is better help people don't always realize that physical symptoms like headaches teeth grinding and even digestive issues like farting and diarrhea can be indicators of stress and let's not forget about doom scrolling sleeping too little sleeping too much under eating and overeating stress shows up in all kinds of ways and in a world that's telling you to do more sleep less all the time grind all the time uh here's a reminder to take care of yourself uh you know maybe you know take a break maybe even do some therapy all right uh why don't you tell them a little bit about better help dude well um better help is customized online therapy that offers video phone and even live chat sessions with your therapist you don't say so you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to it's much more affordable than in-person therapy why don't you give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress uh and right now tmg listeners get ten percent off their first month at betterhelp.com tmg again that's b-e-t-t-e-r-h-e-l-p dot com slash tmg well you know uh i'm not you know i have to confess what i got into some celeb action as well no way would you who uh i i was at arowan no no no no this is real yeah i'm trying to figure out i had a i had a gabbana yeah yeah gabon or whatever yeah yeah it was in gabon yeah gabon these nuts look how luke just pulls it up just pulls up the geography every time [Laughter] i was i had an ego thing there for a second because i was trying to figure out how i can tastefully say i went to an arowan okay tastefully say that yeah there's no real you could just say it yeah i guess i don't know why'd you go there um well i wanted to eat something that was like healthy okay but i just didn't feel like eating slop yeah oh my power was out okay so i had like legit couldn't do [ __ ] so we run up to the erawan in um like west hollywood and i'm looking at like i don't know some of the prepared like pre-made stuff and then this dude comes up next to me with a shopping cart making sound effects he's like whoa he just kind of like pushes it into me so i kind of just have to back up i'm like all right that's cool and he just steps in front of me and like what then crouches down to like look at the child well he's wearing like some crazy clothes and his ass crack pops out i was like damn nice nice crack i was tempted to pee in it but i had to yeah and then he stands up and then he starts talking and he turns around he kind of looks at me like smiles and i'm like oh [ __ ] that's steven tyler no way aerosmith what yeah he was there with some lady and he was making sound effects for his grocery card as he was like pushing it around yeah he was like he was in a good mood here comes the airplane yeah yeah basically and so you know he's in there looking like the real jack sparrow and everyone there turns like into a nine-year-old everyone there's like oh yeah like the eyes just started going crazy and i was just sort of like yeah he's he's [ __ ] famous whatever like i don't know it's kind of cool no it's cool but i don't know if it warrants like 90 eye pans i mean like maybe if you're a big aerosmith fan that's what i'm saying that's what i'm saying like music has changed people's lives yeah that's true yeah well so elena was waiting for the guy to like put together her plate her hot plate and to do just [ __ ] it would [ __ ] suck to be that famous yeah well then they didn't even go to erwin in peace yeah so then a lady runs up and she goes you know can i get a picture and then get a picture and i was so impressed with this lady she just starts straight up like annoying him like badgering him no and he's like trying to be playful i i i was like getting pieces of it i was honestly feel like playing the sims like i was just trying to figure out what they were doing but she just kept being loud and like getting in his face kind of like she's like yeah my brother-in-law loves your music yeah yeah he's pulling that [ __ ] yeah i'm not a fan but my sister is a huge fan oh i gotta i gotta i got a good one about that too but basically you know and then and then he kind of says something that's sort of like passive aggressive back he she like broke him he was like are you a [ __ ] uh like trying to put her in her place and she's like i'm and then the room gets awkward because you know it's you know you're doing bad when a whole grocery store is like yo you need to back the [ __ ] up and then he kind of you know he gets out of the conversation and then uh the funniest part was when he goes to check out he's checking on the other side of me and i'm kind of watching him because he's dancing around just like being crazy and there's this young couple in front of them getting wrung out well that sounds really bad yeah jesus christ they were getting wrung the [ __ ] out cashier just giving it to him that's arowana baby yeah yeah sarah yeah before you leave they make sure you leave so is that not the main story yeah yeah they make sure you leave spent dude so [ __ ] they're getting wrung out banged down nice [ __ ] yeah and so as stephen tyler was like in the back like straight up like it looks like like swing dancing or something why it's just in a good mood okay i don't know and while these two customers are getting wrung out yeah wow yeah so the girl who's getting wrung out she looks over her back at him right and then just like like returns to like her like you know forward position with this with this almost annoyed smile okay i was like damn that's so la yeah to be like then steven tyler was behind us just like dancing or something crack hanging out yeah disgusting [ __ ] horrible crack yeah i don't go to arowana to see ass crap i go to get rice pudding dude that uh that woman's boyfriend had me cracking up because he was like walking around the store in like a skin-tight black suit not soup it was like a matching outfit um a huge [ __ ] with this beaded necklace and and sandals and he was he looked like a caveman in there he was like on the hunt he just like darting up all the aisles you know and then i i want to say like he grabbed like the smallest like thing wrapped in plastic like and then returned to the counter like that's what he was looking for okay but i was walking through the store and i kept running into it and then just to see him pick up the smallest package what was it i was like a [ __ ] it's like one of those shots yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah tiny little like yeah i don't know the whole store is chaos so you like erwan yeah i love heroin yeah arowan yeah there we go hey thank you nice nessie would have loved that yeah that one's for hedge hutch i mean edge that was for all the hedge funds for a hedge fund oh no yeah i'm gonna see vanessa do her reunion tour later this year call that my hedge fund saving up damn yeah i had a speaking of uh yeah my brother-in-law loves you had an awesome moment in indianapolis where this dude he um uh some guy was like [ __ ] up in the crowd and i just oh no he yeah he was like kind of [ __ ] up and i brought up hunting and unprompted he just starts venting his trauma to the whole room about hunting he's like my dad made me do it when i was nine i didn't want to do it i didn't want to kill the deer i was like all right man like my rates oh go to therapy i was like my rate's 200 an hour like i don't i don't do group sessions man and so you know like he's drunk he just kind of keeps blabbering he's fine but like i just like as like a parting aha i was like all right hunter biden calm down okay and then he walks up to me in kilroy's and he goes dude i didn't know i looked like hunter biden until today and i was like okay that's not what i meant but sure so he's like yo bro can me my girl get a picture will you and him and he points his eye in my opener we're like yeah for sure and then i'm trying to figure out who should take the picture and then one of their drunk ass friends walks up he's like i got it i got it he's like annoyed okay we're like okay and then he's like i don't know who the [ __ ] you guys are that's awesome and then he goes to zayed he's like i love your [ __ ] dude owned owned yeah and i was like sweet man i'm taking the picture as a favor for my friend yeah not because i know who you are yeah i don't that's awesome it was actually hilarious because he did all that and he goes i loved your [ __ ] dude then he goes inside i wish you did an hour oh yeah oh so he was at the show yeah with his friends but then zaya does the funniest [ __ ] he's like posed for the picture and then the guy says oh that inside goes [Laughter] and he just maintains that face like just looking at the guy like oh that's such a dick thing to say and then the drunk friends were like like all whatever and i just was like and then the dude leaves and then zad's like cool dude thanks for making me hate that hey whatever man you're bound to you can't please them all dude yeah you know he's one of the 10 people that hate the show suck my dick brother why don't you take a trip to that's gabon yeah hey guys i want to take a quick break to thank another sponsor of today's episode movement aka mvmt listen i'll tell you the origin story in a tiny apartment in southern california two college dropouts teamed up to create a watch company that broke all the rules it's funny our watches don't even tell time [Laughter] with fair prices i'm kidding they do with fair prices unexpected colors and clean original designs movement pronounced movement of course grew into one of the fastest growing watch brands shipping to over 160 countries across the globe now movement has expanded into blue light glasses minimalist jewelry more style essentials that don't break the bank and it's all designed out of their california headquarters and now you all are the first to know that movement is having a huge site wide sale for mother's day their prices are slashed up to 40 percent from april 21st to may 6th make sure you get the perfect gift for mom from beautiful watches to find 18 carat jewelry it's time to show your mom how much you love her with a watch movement has super durable sunglasses with uv rated polarized lenses and timeless styles i love them and so does noelle yep their premium blue light glasses will not only make you look great but filter 90 of the most intense blue light rays from your digital screens so you can scroll comfortably we are in front of screens all the time i'm reading this off the screen right now yeah so these are much needed yeah you can shop up to 40 off for mother's day and save big on the perfect gift for mom join the movement by going to mvmt.com tmg right now and enjoy up to 40 off again that's mvmt.com tmg i have to parlay off a kilroy's yeah you know we talked about soul-crushing service jobs right i think medieval times oh yeah may take the cake okay so tell me about it yeah first of all you know it was a well wait wait lay some groundwork like what is it for yeah people that don't live in l.a uh not a medieval time it's not a chain is it it's a chain what it's in canada okay franchise brother but not elsewhere in the states yeah oh it's around oh okay um how many locations is medieval times yeah look that up because perhaps for our seven listeners in gabon uh let us explain so americans have this thing of dressing up and acting out the past right and in this particular instance they they recruit a bunch of young actors slash athletes okay we got one in georgia sorry to interrupt that's fine maryland buena park bueno park where we're at okay next to jersey texas there's one in schaumburg of course there's one in schaumburg myrtle beach of course you know that [ __ ] that one probably goes off see it does you've been there it does you've been there oh yeah to the myrtle beach medieval times this is what i needed to do yeah you said oh yeah like as in you've been there more than once see this is what i needed to hear i bet scottsdale one goes crazy too oh dude everything in scottsdale goes crazy yeah what's it like luke the one in myrtle beach it's been a long time since i've been but yeah you can you can't say that and the last time you went with seven of course it went off when you were seven you know yeah it was incredible for a seven-year-old okay all right so it remains to be proven then all right but so we went to the buena park one and it's it's uh they trick you because it's next to a gigantic porto so they they they make you think like ah you get some portals and then go into the thing right wait there's a there's a porto's there right next to the like the chicago place no no next to the buena park medieval times that we went to gotcha it's like the biggest porto's i've ever seen okay i'm just saying like portals are smart putting that next to the medieval times because uh they con you into thinking it's going to be a good time right is what i'm saying okay so we get there i have some portals i'm like i'm ready we go in to me to medieval times now for those of you that don't know the the pinnacle moment of this show is they joust right and being accepted so it's a it's a show it's a show okay but can you eat there oh yeah but you had food before yeah because i'm a hungry boy okay so you also you did a bang bang yeah okay yeah so you also ate a meal there and is it like giant turkey legs and like renaissance favorite oh i will we will get into it and you will be yeah so i just need to set the stage as experienced sword fighters ourselves as people who have done this for real yes us you know i'm kind of going in with a different mindset right because you're kind of like i'm analyzing technique yeah and you know we've we've been in that ring before oh yeah okay we know what it's like to be on that stage you know we might be some you know open micros as far as nights go but we've done it before all right so uh we go in and i don't know what i'm expecting but i'm forgetting that there's horses and the first thing that hits you when you walk into the arena is it smells like [ __ ] and to their credit they're pumping a massive ac system in there okay and it's doing a good job of like masking it okay it's funny like you you catch the waves of horseshit like every other second right so as you're walking your seat you're like oh wait oh what is the oh never mind oh yeah oh no yeah it's just like oh gross oh never mind i lost it do you smell that nevermind it's gone no you smell that yeah yeah literally and then it was funny watching because i was at the back of the group and it was funny watching everyone in front like slowly turn their heads backwards and um when you walk in they assign you because there's going to be uh like eight nights okay that are gonna fight okay and one of them's gonna win right and so they assign you a night when you're going in so we get the green night we're like hell yeah we are some of the only adults here can you bet huh can you bet on it see this is why you should own one [Laughter] this is why you should be running the medieval times bro we should franchise one uh i think we definitely should no but what you can do is you can get um a royal margarita okay okay what's in that i don't know we just walked in and that part looked like a like a bourbon street bar just all these like slushy mixers um but we were kind of late and um it was pretty early we got a matinee show so no one was like sorry again interrupt yeah why did you go we thought it would be especially during the day we thought it'd be like a funny ironic thing where it was like sort of like ah let's it'll be stupid the show is what like an hour yeah it'll probably be funny okay we just have like a quick like like almost like watching a bad movie right i understand that completely and how far is buena park uh on a sunday it's like 40 minutes okay yeah and it's like all right that bad yeah you go maybe drink a little bit like it could be stupid what whatever so we get there and uh we're kind of late we skip the drinks you know because you can get one at your seat now here's the thing when you buy a ticket to medieval times your meal is it's just one meal um and it's funny because when you walk in they say do we have any food allergies and i don't know why they ask because it's if you were to say like oh yeah i'm allergic to this thing they'd be like oh well there's no food like there's like there's only three things that they give you and if you're allergic they don't have anything else so it's basically just to find out if you can eat or not okay so uh we get to our seats and it smells like ass and the show is the show begins and this script bro is so intense like it's historically accurate there's a [ __ ] on a horse who's like good nobles and it's all like six-year-olds and and can i ask how many people were there um you know honestly it was the early show it was the midday show so it's kind of like that's what i'm saying what's what's the uh what's the showing at a matinee medieval times it was dude it was surprising a lot a lot of birthdays right you know we had we had prince eric princess ayala prince and princess and what birthday are we talking six oh we're talking five seven nine ten thirteen uh we had prince andrew who had oh then prince oh god [Laughter] and and also prince noel it was turning 32. i'm 22 man the hell bro no wait wait wait okay so first of all there's one that killed us because it was there was a honeymoon celebrating day one of their honeymoon at medieval times the midday show on sunday we were like what also where is buena park uh it's like you know it's in the it's in the like deep valley right no not the valley it's east it's like inland empire oh okay yeah so also kind of a crazy place to spend your honeymoon no definitely yeah the weirdest place people live in buena park by accident yeah yeah so then immediately after that was a kid and they go uh uh and uh congratulations to prince michael for good grades lena looks at me she goes good grades what the [ __ ] are we doing here so you like you look you look around the arena it's like a weird mix of and another thanks to prince noel for doing the dishes yeah yeah right yeah elena's like you did a good job happy birthday buddy no the best part was uh her friend whose actual birthday was that was like the bit it was like oh dude we should go to medieval times for her birthday that'd be stupid it'd be funny oh you actually did go there for a birthday yeah and we and uh elena's friend who bought the tickets put it in the notes like yo it's it's his birthday they didn't no way we did all the kids and not him i want a dick yeah grown ass man didn't even get the shout out damn so then that's that's man i mean that's like the saddest thing yeah yeah literally like it's so much sadder to have your name not read in that list and you're kind of the guy is like i'm not reading this [ __ ] like you're like you're kind of hopeful too exactly because you're like it'll be funny right and then he just doesn't even read it oh man i really shouldn't have came yeah yeah yeah you especially don't feel well yeah so yeah the crowd is like parents who are you know imprisoned to their mistakes and birthdays a lot of them who are in prison oh dude the [ __ ] the um there was a dad to our left the the level of i can't give a [ __ ] anymore was so funny he bought his two daughters like swords and shields they're screaming the whole show like hitting each other and this dude is just i feel like are you like are you like cosplaying as a deadbeat parent because you keep going like monster truck rallies like you keep going to like no no no where you just sit amongst these parents who hate their lives no i'm reliving i'm getting the experiences that i should have gotten as a as a eight-year-old as an adult okay okay you know i'm just catching up you're not convincing alina not to have children um no but this babe look at this could be us that's a great point because that is a peripheral observation and i will say selfishly i do do a little bit of magician ship when we leave okay okay i i do make a point to do that a bit of gas lighting you bit a little bit of gas yeah when the kids act like [ __ ] i always lean over to her i'm like so glad we don't have those and i do do that and i consciously know what i'm doing i think next week we should hit chuck e cheese yeah what do you think babe yeah yeah hey guys we want to take another quick break to thank another sponsor of today's episode stamps.com if you've got a small business inflation isn't doing you any favors right now it is not it's not it's really not it's harder than ever to stay profitable uh if you're looking for a way to cut costs mailing and shipping is a great place to start simply use stamps.com to mail and ship and get access to exclusive discounts and great rates on shipping from usps and ups it's an easy way to keep more money in your pocket stamps.com saves you time money and stress it gives you access to all post office and ups shipping services you need right from your computer no matter what business you're in stamps.com can help you save on shipping whether you're an office sending invoices an etsy shop sending your products or a warehouse shipping out truckloads of orders stamps.com is the mailing and shipping solution for you all you need is your regular computer and printer no special supplies no special equipment when we first started tmg we used stamps.com to mail our customers to merchants [ __ ] did uh it was a game changer and it can be for you start mailing and shipping with stamps.com right now and keep more money in your pocket every day sign up with promo code tmg for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus a plus free postage and a digital scale dude no long-term commitments or contracts just go to stamps.com click the microphone at the top of the page and enter the code tmg i don't think i'm cosplaying as the deadbeat parent because even when you at monster truck shows it's a very um it's a weird thing where the kids are weirdly more adult sometimes okay because the kids are like dad like calm down and their parents like that yeah yeah right what so whatever so we're sitting there and um the food starts to come out and uh the to my original point uh with with kilroy's you know those people that don't even look you in the eyes this woman was like on autopilot like in a way that she's like living in a loop like she's full on npc right we're we're a row of adults and she walks by handing out the chicken she goes uh clear hands baby dragon uh here's your baby dragon your baby dragon move your play please use your baby dragon uh just make way for baby dragon that's the way that and this is your baby dragon she gets to me and uh everyone's supposed to kind of lift up their plate and i just i zoned out on the show and i just didn't and she had like a she didn't know what to do because i think she said clear your hands baby dragon i just didn't and then she just stood there and she was hovering and i like looked up at her and she's like can you give me your plate i think it's the first word she said outside of her nine phrases it's like the npc like broke the loop hold on hold on wait what she's calling you baby dragon no she's handing oh sorry so she's so she has like half of like a chicken a small chicken wrapped up in foil and they call that a baby drink they call it baby dragon that's like and you're gonna eat it yeah yeah like that's okay so that's the reveal of dragons it's the it's the driest yeah this is the veal of dragon it's kind of like a [ __ ] up joke yeah they give you a certificate they're like this is a dragon dragon was killed yeah exactly yeah yeah this is the name of the grown in general and the child yeah it was raised in a cage and force-fed really fatty foods yeah yeah yeah no th this is the driest chicken possible okay eating it was a task that looks like it [ __ ] slash it looks that way it definitely looks that way and then when you so the first test was i yanked off the leg and i well let me set the stage here okay okay sorry because it's it's very important going into this that the first thing you receive is a piece of texas toast with no cheese okay which is the just go all the way i don't know they give you this like they slap they just kind of slap it down on your plate just that one piece of bread just a piece of butter barely okay it's buttered ish and you're kind of like okay yeah i don't it looks sad right it's not really appetizing and then you have this little ladle i don't know what you'd call it really uh it's like a small pot and they give you dragon soup that's what they call it now this is the this is the highlight of the show never mind what happened in the show this or this is the second best part of the show you give move your arm baby dragon come yep baby dragon piss yep so when they come around to give you the baby dragon uh gloop yeah they take it and they serve it out of a [ __ ] thermos it is the most and granted i'm sure i'm sure kitchens do that but don't do it in front of my face yeah i mean yeah like dude they take the thing and you can hear it behind you [Laughter] just slopping out of the thermos and you get it and i took a picture of this [ __ ] and i'll send it to the thread but um this is did you taste it [ __ ] no because then someone in our group took a cause they don't give you utensils so he took a little and he goes it tastes like spaghetti oh spaghetti drink [Laughter] we got kyle i mean that's just straight up that all that is is just tomato juice yeah whatever yeah doesn't look like tomato juice but doesn't look like a candle almost like you could light that yeah put a wick in it so whatever so then they they give you like this mushy corn they give you this dry chicken i bit into the leg there's no juice at all but here's the [ __ ] best part of the show is after they give you like this like i don't even know what you call it they go would you like it to go bag not a box a bag and i said no but i [ __ ] wish i said yes cause what what did they bring you like a ziploc yeah just like a ziploc bag and a straw and you just throw it all in the actual show is it's just like you know it's it doesn't even ride the line of like it's not like monster trucks where it's like as for kids but like you can enjoy this right it is purely for children uh like do they actually joust or no they do but the jousting is so goofy like they like ride up and they slow down and they just kind of you know cause uh it's scripted and our guy our green knight let us know from the get-go i'm not in this show very long because they all kind of ride out and they like hold their flags up in the air and uh the red and white knight he comes out and that dude is turned up you know he's like going around the arena going crazy um and i imagine they they gotta rotate or something and then uh and then our guy comes out the green knight comes out and he's just like just kind of winking at our little section here and then i'm like hey man [Laughter] i'm i'm getting minimum effort right here yeah what are you trying to tell me i got 10 grand on you right now yeah yeah yeah straight up and he's just kind of looking at the kids and he's kind of just going like and then i just turned to lean i'm like he's gonna die so quick yeah he was he was the first one to go the the funny part is like they definitely try to stretch it out to the actual damn stretch out rung out uh they try to really build a you know they try to build it up so the first hour it's like a two-hour [ __ ] thing and the first hour is them just bringing out horses doing dumb ass tricks and you don't feel good watching it you're just watching a horse get like do a wheelie getting whipped on the ass and like pulled on the neck and the guy's like come on come on that's just going then all the kids are just around with swords and you're watching the horse like who's this for this sounds like hell oh dude and then on top of that again the script it's so like it's harder than game of thrones it's like reading the actual book it's like house it sends one to you and and they have this dude who's up there with like a historically accurate voice like he's the host and the queen you could tell she don't give a [ __ ] like she wants to quit and the guy is just are these like budding actors does that play these roles how do you get involved why would you ever do this so it gets to the end and it made me think like there needs to be a show about this like a scripted show or something because like there's clearly like a hierarchy and then there's there's the one guy who he's like the heel in the whole thing and his whole storyline uh is the host is actually from some house that provided this warrior for the event and then that guy thinks the host is soft for putting on an event with a woman so he has this whole like misogyny arc and he has like this speech where he's just like you take orders from a woman you've lost your way i'm like this is a deep ass concept yeah for like children for six year olds yeah and so the dude is like really into it he's giving it his all i'm like ah did you just like burn out like from high school theater like what what's what happened yeah so then the red and white knight that guy's all hyped because he's like the hero spoiler alert if you end up going to medieval times and then he you know then red and white knight comes back out and uh they fight and then you know he kills him or whatever or he defeats him and then that's like the story okay and that's it i was so pissed dessert at least a little bit of ice cream with some caramel on top nice okay yeah yeah and apparently the coffee is really good we didn't read and risk it we had some mixed reviews because other people like people were responding to my story one person was like medieval times are you nine hilarious and then other people yo you gotta try the coffee from there bro evil medieval times jesus christ gotta get the coffee no i'm wondering like on a saturday night is it turned up yeah like is it like this mostly adults and like are people drinking like i would imagine this guy probably right yeah so i think we just got in with a bad crowd yeah i'm sure it gets crazy that would be really funny to do a show about like the cast oh cause you know there's probably one of them that stays in character like that takes it too seriously it's probably the dude the speaking that's what i'm saying like he's actually a knight yeah you know he's like the guy who taught us at a sword fight yeah he's full method like even in the locker room he's like great job uh gentlemen and squires and shut the [ __ ] up jerry dude we're we're out we're out you don't you don't just keep doing this george we do this show for seven-year-olds yeah this is like making tick-tocks yeah who cares yeah what can uh yeah i know our guy as soon as he goes into the back room that dude is cracking him open yeah green knight green knight yeah i know he's getting quite drunk as [ __ ] out there he's like i lost again yeah doesn't that piss you off man no it's great no it's [ __ ] awesome i get to sit back here and i get [ __ ] up yeah i'm trying to remember one other thing oh yeah let me show you how the green knight dies or not dies but like uh loses his his armor yeah yeah show me that while you're finding it um i like kelsey and i like five years ago four years ago went to um oh [ __ ] hold on plumber's at my place 10 seconds if the [ __ ] comeback of course the hot water is not working yep of course why would it be worth it why would it hey cody it's your plumber yeah um no hot water but i cleaned out the copious amounts of poop in your pipes [Laughter] so much calm in your pipes yeah so how did it get to the hot water heater that's my question just answering on speaker hey man yeah what's up yeah man um turns out the pipes were fine just a lot of dry come in the shower are you good bro you're like must be from the past that's gonna be me i don't use the shower i've never come what um what so we got invited to this like bud light uh like medieval thing yeah like remember that the whole year like all their ads were medieval and so we got invited to a jousting match in like rural new york yeah and two guys actually jousted and it was [ __ ] crazy oh yeah like full speed trying to kill each other not really but you know they weren't like playing to the death but they wanted to knock each other off the horse see that's what i was expecting to see and they did joust but they would like run full speed and then slow it down and it was like very intentional um i have to send this to listen to elena's cackle cause this was like this is when the action was starting our guys first up they joust through like what the [ __ ] is this and then it's this [Music] let me just let me run that back you gotta [ __ ] send that i mean it's that's really funny because like his his reaction speed after he got hit he got hit and then he jumped and went on his back that's it's like you know the dude is is tanked i do have to shout out the red and white knight from buena park at the midday show on sunday because i don't know if they rotate it literally might be him actually wait wait do you have one on tick-tock he said he has a huge tick tock account he's kind of like the guy that noel was saying who's like probably two oh no no no so he played the red and white this is play it dude this is the guy this is timothy chalamet yeah this is wait what the [ __ ] okay wait hold oh that just changed that just changed yeah what that just changed it's a horny thing no no no no no no no it's not but i see why this guy was giving it so hard to the crowd ah and i had a vibe i had a vibe watching this dude the way he would kind of like look over his shoulder to the crowd and [ __ ] i'm like this guy's got 432 000 followers and his name is the black and white knight and it says night at medieval times california well he was the red and white knight on my oh this is our oh my god play one of him like speaking like answering a comment that one to the right to the right of that telling me you had a bad day i'll go first [Music] no that music ain't copyrighted it probably is dude i mean wait so this is him having a bad day oh no i think i think he's playing the green knight so what what oh wait no did i go too far not far what the [ __ ] whoa i'm just like mind blown that there's like a niche for medieval times content i just can't believe this dude has half a million followers no no wonder he was like uh yeah this [ __ ] scroll down scroll down go to the one to the right of that yeah that one i may have a lot of questions seeing as i've never delivered a baby before i think i might have to take you up on that offer i may have a lot of questions seeing as i've never delivered a baby before yeah i think i'm out i think no good episode hey guys wanna take another quick break to thank another sponsor of today's today's episode bud light that's right zero carbs beer is here you heard that right zero carb beer beer yeah it's super crisp light beer with 80 calories and four percent av abv abv sorry i had to i did that oh oh you okay oh [Music] what's that i had to is that bud light next what does it taste like noel um that tastes like i'm sitting on a boat enjoying the sun that's what that feels like love a good boat yeah i love this sun yeah tastes like i have a son whom i love very much it tastes like i'm in videos like medieval times look why don't you tell them how much you love drinking this well heck i'd enjoy drinking this sorry let me open the mind that was simple why don't you i can't i'm on antibiotics i can't take it no this is the perfect time i can't okay i can't but if i weren't on antibiotics then i'd i'd enjoy drinking one of these while hanging out with friends yeah and playing golf and watching tv don't believe it go try bud light next for yourself it's in stores now it actually tastes really good it is in stores uh to find a retailer who delivers right to your door head to bud light.com next again that's bud light.com next enjoy responsibly messaging for 21 plus sorry if you're under plug rewind and then plug your ears yeah forget everything you just heard so i'm gonna head back back down to earth i think no no it's not actually we're staying up here what bro so here oh no no no no no no no no no no no this changes everything that [ __ ] i would look over and it's just hitting me now i would look over and the green knight everyone else was at work green knight's just like looking out just waiting and this [ __ ] is like to the crowd like just [ __ ] oh wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait waiting is lip is by the crowd of children dog no no i got one word look at this [ __ ] guy's a creep what the [ __ ] are you doing i got one worse for you there's a point and i don't know why i i dude dude i'm so glad we're doing this cause i almost forgot there's a part where the knights have to hand out roses and this [ __ ] was like really like with the like and i thought that whole thing was odd because i'm like why are these grown men giving like little four-year-olds roses that's so [ __ ] weird okay and you the green knight you could tell there was like a he's trying to do it in the most platonic way possible right you know he kind of give a finger pistol almost like hey you want a rope he's thinking about his michelob yeah thinking about his two mickelevs in the fridge in the green room he's like just [ __ ] running through the motions let's get this done this guy's like oh that that dude was i'm gonna [ __ ] a mom literally yeah just he he borderline was like and man i just i can't believe like this makes so much sense i can't believe like humanity's ability to like sexualize [ __ ] anything you know what i'm saying this is like a show for children about jousting and this guy somehow there's a thirst trap edit of this dude at medieval times this shouldn't exist this video this should not be sexy at all i can't do it i'm dead i can't i had just like a i just had a suspicion like that guy enjoys this [ __ ] way too much especially when it gets to his like speaking part that [ __ ] is like locked in dude that guy is giving it his all and you know i'm like who who who sucked your dick in the past that makes you want to go this hard you know like are there like are there like night bunnies you know like i mean he you know he feels like the the jack harlow of medieval times yeah oh clearly look at this what is this one do we have to do this one yeah play it nevermind never mind never mind don't do the sound yeah the sound play play yeah no that was yeah no we're all right oh good on that play different one oh is this new leather in recently it's soul band it's super thick and it's super nice but it when it comes in it's super stanky it smells like rotten pork oh that reminds me there's something else that's super stanky in the other room there we go we're just working in the shop oh man they really what shop what what are they making are they saddles maybe they make their [ __ ] at medieval yeah he makes his own leather and he like live streams it okay oh so he does so medieval times is a part-time thing well i'll say that the dude i saw play the red and white knight they came to this part where they like threw these spears it's dude everyone else has kind of looked at the crowd and just like held it up and like put it in this bullseye this [ __ ] does like a 720 windmill and 720 back and then rips it around like in the span of i don't know 30 feet okay i'm like yo this dude's definitely winning tonight there's no way he's not i mean i just you have to know the dynamic in the locker room is so funny like this guy comes in there like what's up mr tick tock yeah yeah what's up and then he's like mr famous hey man don't knock it till you try it yeah exactly all right you had to click on that one to the left yeah maybe that one [ __ ] it for a half latino knight in shining armor with long dark hair firm cheeks and mommy issues this keeps happening could you guys please stop asking santa for a half latino night oh he did not do that [ __ ] oh brother oh brother this guy stinks oh man i mean he has to be [ __ ] though i don't you know i don't want to play or hate but he must be [ __ ] a lot from medieval times he definitely he definitely is that's what i'm saying like got renaissance bunnies that's what i'm saying how how do we do this as a humanity like so absurd oh my god man oh my god i think we got to get that guy on get we got to get him on the episode next week yeah bro imagine i want to know what it's like to work at medieval times imagine just and if he gets laid from it oh yeah imagine a little troop of like little renaissance girls just get in the big you know my leash yeah yeah just getting dressed up to go see him live do his thing oh [ __ ] my thing is wouldn't you why not just go do the real thing because the real thing is out there like being night yeah that's what i'm saying join a [ __ ] look probably because you got to be a squire and you got to go through all the the [ __ ] yeah he just wants you to pledge you know he just wants yeah he wants to he went right to the starring role yeah he wants to bone yeah no look up go on youtube and type in m1 night fight [Laughter] like just go just go do this mute the audio i think but skip to the middle i'm sure it's oh there's like an actual league for this yeah where is this um i don't know they do it in a number of places but m1 has hosted this a handful of times again it's it's uh you know if you're watching this on youtube it it probably feels different for you because you've never been in these shoes before yeah yeah yeah yeah something like this it kind of just puts us right back in it honestly totally like we can see ourselves in this yeah we've been here before but yeah i guess uh yeah this is pretty goofy it is goofy it's definitely goofy but yeah i think i i don't know just bring this back but like to the death actually no i don't know if this is a good example what do you think look up like uh it's a good idea yeah no i agree to the i mean that's mma and like gladiator mma with swords i think is the one look up night fight uh like they do ones where it's like 30 versus 30. yeah yeah battle of nations yeah this is what i'm talking about yeah this is sick let's just skip to the middle bro i can't believe they treat there's like soccer hooligans i mean it's still goofy but yeah this is not as cool as i thought i thought it was going to be like lord of the rings type [ __ ] like yeah 300 people run into each other i mean it's like that at the beginning but okay like that like when you're getting mauled by like yeah like oh yeah this is what all this [ __ ] to do is trying to teach us like this is what he does like they're going in there and they're like trying to kill each other but you know you don't get [ __ ] from this [Laughter] you probably do you think you smashed off this i don't know how can you tell look there's women in the front row right there that's true yeah but they're no because they're waiting cause they're like when's the red and white night from medieval times gonna be here he just does the halftime show [Laughter] oh [ __ ] it's so funny that that guy is like a sex icon yeah in the medieval times so weird can you guys stop asking santa for a half latino [Laughter] oh is that what he said at the beginning oh my god because this keeps happening oh my god my man is high on himself yeah he wants to [ __ ] himself yeah you know it's you know like didn't he post that video or no it was the girl that was at the like at the end when the girl was like yeah okay that was her that posted that yeah i see i see [ __ ] who is horny at medieval times moms probably yeah it was something i just didn't even didn't even factor into the equation originally when you brought this up it didn't when i saw your instagram stories sex had nothing to do with what you were doing you know what i'm saying i got it for medieval times in general i'll be uh i got a vague hint of it at the end of the show because you know alina's friend uh he was like uh he was like the green knight was he was very attractive okay and then one of the girls in the group was like yeah he was he was really cute and i thought and then and then i had a little bit of a moment where i was like alina you're you're cheering pretty hard yeah yeah laughing a little too much yeah what's going on yeah she's oh nothing just the red and white night was just kind of like can you play this with sound latina yeah [Music] there's like a two-second delay [Music] i've never heard her laugh that hard ever like that is the hardest she could not handle how shitty it was she was cackling for a full minute just losing her noodles just you know [ __ ] run it back run it back it's so funny i got it just in time no like from the top the other funny part was her friend it was his birthday he was bombing right he's doing his script he's bombing pretty hard crowd does not give a [ __ ] and he goes how about the change of pace and lena's friend goes yes please really he's heckling the [ __ ] goddamn heck hey man he's just doing his job hey his set stunk [Laughter] it's a bad set punch that [ __ ] up yeah dude we need bombing yeah ass dude and then the red and white knight comes out oh that's what i'm talking about yeah talk about change of pace he came out in a g string that's what i'm thinking about is making everything way too sexual [Music] i bet you would like me to joust you dog i'm just now imagining all the families where the husband is just like just wasted the kids are just then that [ __ ] comes out he's like you want a half latino night and then some mom like yes take me away from this take me to house like yeah yeah whatever is last night yeah yeah yeah take me to house tarzarian yeah please bro i i bet he's got i bet this dude has like straight up like stands yeah maybe like they just pull up and i mean this girl's one of them they're like can can we be in the hi what um what's what's even his name rigo oh they're like who what night is is rodrigo playing tonight can we cheer for that oh black and white night okay yeah but i guess it changes the bananas oh all right yeah yeah she'll sense this yep yeah yeah so get a ticket to medieval times yeah there's no hesitation there yeah yeah relax on that follow button hey this is our account you [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah now we're gonna get weird medieval cosplay all over our forum no it's just gonna be all all types of people just thirsty thirsting over rigo i went to the medieval times this sunday and i saw my night material girl [Music] me getting dressed up to see rigo pov you're getting you're a pov or a renaissance money you know what's so funny about pov like it's never it's never right yeah it's never you don't know what the [ __ ] it means yeah it's no you're just me and then it's a video of them doing something you're just no it's not how it [ __ ] works you're just old no it's not you're just oh it's not right you're using it you're just right you guys are all [ __ ] stupid yeah i said it doesn't that piss you off ever you're [ __ ] stupid yeah you're [ __ ] stupid material girl you're just looking at the i just want to do one that doesn't even match that's like pov you're getting ready for the renaissance fair and it's just like the pilot seat of an airplane and it just shows the twin towers it's just oh god holy hell damn yeah you should make that yeah see how that goes i wanted to do one but i feel like the bit is too old or it's just like hey man what are you listening to oh uh news compilation of saddam hussein and being announced dead they just walk off okay today the united states government yeah this [ __ ] gets me hype as hell yeah i blast this [ __ ] in the gym dude pov you're you like the military yeah yeah yeah news compilation chris kyle interview oh god [Laughter] chris kyle audiobook kill compilations oh my god just put it in oh my god oh my god oh my god [ __ ] man we didn't even get to we didn't bag on mgk and megan fox oh we could hit it in the bonus we talked about medieval times for almost an hour yeah but way better yo last part last part this [ __ ] this dude dm me after the show and he goes hey man that falcon was pretty entertaining huh like being sarcastic there was a moment where i wanted to buy flags so we could just [ __ ] around [ __ ] but the falcon show came out so the dude's like hey man it's gonna be a while so i can bring your card back because no one's allowed to leave the building when the falcons out i'm like how shitty is this felt like how shitty is this that if someone just opens the door the falcons would be like [ __ ] i'm out dude thank god i gotta i do thank you you know i've been trying to get out of here yo i'm i'm dipping yeah thank you so much this place is depressing as [ __ ] there's some drunk dead they're like sir the falcons out he's like get the [ __ ] out of my way he just opens the door that falcon is quick bro just imagine it's just sliding [ __ ] vertically yeah and they're like [ __ ] we can't afford another one of those [ __ ] things just like 50k daps the dead on the way out yeah appreciate you my god [Laughter] i'm dead yo this place is ass this job sucks [Laughter] and there's a there's like a pre-show thing where you can stick your arm in a cow's ass if you want oh yeah you could be all about it sign me up dude we should do it we should make a thirst strap account like that it's just me biting my lip with my arm fully into a cow's ass farm life just like wow i'm not a farmer but now i am wow i've never wow i've never want to be a cow so bad milk me [ __ ] it now all right guys seeing the bonus we got megan fox you know they they had some crazy interview where she like said they drank their own blood so we're gonna talk about that and the bonus we're gonna listen we're gonna we're gonna listen we're gonna start with a song called [ __ ] me out yeah by nle choppa absolute instant classic just came out but it's a classic yeah you can listen to that on your way to see rigo perform this weekend at medieval times in bueno park it's gonna be a fun bonus so uh you know you can always get those at tmgstudios.tv [Laughter]

Channel: TMG Studios

Views: 433,579

Keywords:

Id: LFN2ajttKyI

Length: 77min 26sec (4646 seconds)

Published: Wed May 04 2022