Epic Insults & Comebacks! | 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown | Channel 4

sean lock is a man of his word and that word is no john says he only gets four hours of sleep a night no [ __ ] [ __ ] john joe's got a unique look which is just as well you wouldn't want too many of those wandering around tom allen looks like an egg which is probably the reason he loves having soldiers dipped in him sean lock he moans more than a ghost having an orgasm victoria is probably the smartest person we've ever had on this show which is damning with faint praise it's like being the hottest person on embarrassing bodies henning did an exhaustive tour of great britain in 2015. in 2016 we voted to leave the eu rosie is a lesbian from the north which means she's got a few fingers and a few pies ivo is incredibly posh but not in a drive's a ferrari kind of way more in a breastfed until he was nine kind of way ashley v is from ireland but we don't like stereotypes on this show so i've been through the script and removed all references to guinness four-leaf clovers and leprechauns in fact i went through it twice to be sure to be sure sarah's a vegan and loves animals i also love animals but they've made it illegal so i've got to keep quiet about it now i think that's been illegal your whole life i don't think there was a point in your life i don't think up to the age of 27 you were enjoying a consensual relationship with a hamster and then killjoys at westminster said is this why you wanted to leave europe because you thought they are the ones who were stopping you yeah i would say wanted a piece of those fat cats in brussels didn't richard is probably best known for his role in the i.t crowd as the socially awkward i.t technician maurice moss a character based on the socially awkward human being richard iowa penning vein is the most common answer given when british people are asked to name a famous german no not that one ever since i've known johnny he's been hungry for success sorry pasties success he can take or leave unless success comes with chips you're gonna just sit there and take that i've actually dropped two enough stones i've cut out carbs rachel went to oxford where she studied mathematics covering quantum theory fluid mechanics and applied maths before eventually graduating with a degree of smugness two big ones four small am i correct in saying if you don't get this we can fire you i don't think so i'm just checking i'm just i'll just you know next time if i don't get it i'll just ask you and sure you'll have got it yeah but his accountant would funny you should say that jimmy because that's how people talk about you behind your back it's me jimmy carr hey what why did the why did the chicken cross the road because your mum's fat john i'm going to push you for an answer i mean it doesn't matter we're not swapping boxes but we didn't like that today or did he oh did he is that his liking at face you have to ask my wife she doesn't know so it's ten points to john well well because it was the four plus five where's the nine from you just uh that out it's very harsh and unfair the show is rigged in john's favor in fairness though sean the rest of life not going so well for him what's the most common question you get asked them uh i don't know if this i have been asked this twice this year already which is quite a common question and that is one of them was from quite an elderly lady and she said what does a g stand for in g-spot what does this stand for it stands for a guy called vince greifenberg who was the lucky guy who found it it's interesting because do you know if you've written a book about it and there's a woman called beverly whipple who actually discovered it and didn't want it named after her it was going to be called whipple's tickle and she didn't she didn't want her name used on it and there's no part of the vagina that's named after a person that isn't named after a man yeah whipple's a much better name yeah i've got another good vagina fact apparently the g-spot isn't actually a real thing but the clitoris is like 10 centimeters long wow okay and isn't it true it was originally called the clitor chris after the guy that found it go for chris who found it first rachel's clitoris is 10 centimeters long are you going to be better at the letters or the numbers i think i'll be better at the letters uh because i play a lot of the popular uh app words with friends although they're frequently not my friends and they're frequently not even words they'll lay down some two-letter piece of filth like zhu which is as i'm sure you know a unit of vietnamese currency it's it's a hundredth of a dong and uh a hundredth of a dollar it's a hundredth of a dong that's what i'm working with yeah i know the level jimmy uh joe i'm a risky seven or a or a five risky go risky cool joe you're risky seven stutters um no it wasn't just risky it was [ __ ] ironically my other word was turds this one is of course my jimmy car i like to put on to get ready for countdown and i put it on and then i've taken off quite quickly because i've only got on for too long then the inland revenue come knocking at my door kathy you're five coats coats yeah yeah inaudible very christmassy as well coats well a bit christmassy well go and get your coats i want you to [ __ ] off lee is intelligent to the point of being a bit weird and quite a sick animal so yes would be the answer i like a bit of gambling what's the biggest sort of risk i take yeah uh i once didn't jump out of the bedroom window with victoria till david just opened the door [Laughter] that was quite risky wasn't it david was desperate to get out did you get offered much acting work well yes i have jimmy no they uh they made that film of uh uh with gary oldman of a winston churchill but originally i got offered the part of winston churchill but it clashed with my two-night run at giggler's leicester i saw wednesday churchill very differently to gary i wanted uh particularly but based around that famous speech he made about we shall fight them on the beaches i wanted to play winston churchill as a mod he'd wear a parker and drive a vespa and hitler would be a rocker and wear a leather jacket i wanted you to play hitler but you lack his warmth [Applause] you're right [Music] said susie jimmy that's definitely not susie because the acting's too good as as a teenager you wanted to become a professional dance player yes what changed i don't know i found out very quickly that um the problem with darts is that knowing the perfect checkout on 134 is not the greatest way to entice a lady into bed a lot of people think it's trouble 20 trouble 14 double 16. it's not it's two treble 17s and then double 16 because then you don't have to move away from the travel it's working for me to be honest with you i didn't want to play futile games with fat middle-aged men and yet here i am got two dreams in life want to play countdown i want to be best friends for sean one of those is coming true alan um i i believe you you became a married man this year yes i got married congratulations yeah well listen he asked me to marry him in lombok where's lombok it's in indonesia you know homosexuality is illegal over there wow so he got down on his knees and said will you marry me and i said how dare you i've never been so insulted slapped i like the fact you said got down on his knees not one knee oh he's a dirty sound he's a dirty sound yeah if lomboks are rocking don't come a knocking anyway and listen you don't want a gay marriage in indonesia because the confetti is rocks do you know what i'm saying so how long how long have you been married now how long have you been how long june um when's this going out should i just say it and then you dub it in mumps well it also gets repeated a lot yeah oh [ __ ] yeah oh we better do a contingency version so you recently got divorced so i've been online and i've managed to buy anything online now a selection of pre-chewed pencils so it lets me allow allows me to look at it without all the hassle of having to actually chew the thing so they're from all different people around the world we've got some celebrity ones we've got uh do you want to know if you can pop that in your mouth if you'd like a little right now out on shane mcgowan's that's uh whatever i would have a rinse after that one i've got a monica lewinsky one which is very very chewed and sucked um which i appreciate it's quite an old reference point for a joke but given that the joke has relying upon the fact that i need a celebrity famous for chewing or sucking it's quite a narrow field actually i've even got the allen car one that's pre-chewed as well oh yeah don't worry i would have done the same joke if anyone you know if janet street port has been on or rob beckett or desert orchid so it's not aimed at it victoria have you have you got a mask oh my god i forgot this one this is quite a good joke you ready for this quite a good chunk of this i've even got a very old one this is shakespeare's actually chewed pencil it's so chewed i can't tell whether it's 2b or not to be tax bills that haven't been paid for 10 years is a talented lexicographer and author what she doesn't know about words isn't worth knowing and what susie does know about words isn't worth reading

Channel: Channel 4 Comedy

Views: 2,080,861

Keywords: Channel 4, All 4, Comedy, Channel 4 Comedy, 8 Out Of 10 Cats, Jimmy Carr, Sean Lock, Funny, Panel Show, 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown, James Corden, Tom Allen, Insults, One Liners, Jokes, Katherine Ryan, Rachel Riley, Susie Dent, Jon Richardson, Aisling Bea, Roast Comedy, Comedy Roast, Comedy Roasting, Jimmy Carr Best Insults, Jimmy Carr Savage, Jimmy Carr Being Rude

Id: k05_KBLPqD8

Length: 12min 7sec (727 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 02 2021