50 Jokes From 50 Episodes That'll Make You P*** Your Pants Laughing | Channel 4

one of the funniest best loved and most hilarious comedians in britain couldn't make it because he's unwell child genius in the 80s um i i started school when i was two yeah you started school when you were two yeah i was really really annoying so my mum just got rid of me as quickly as she could how old were you in the ages i was born in 86 and you started school in 88. 89. well that's three it's basic math you know what is that it's a calculator with added fun i get a lot of stick for being a nerd on this show but i'd like to point out that you just used the phrase added fun which implies you think a calculator is quite fun already and then i've done the same with the six and the two i'll put them to make an a very funny these voices for some people but get a lot of tweets when the show goes out people who think i'm a dick and danny could they have done better you know i've got a anathesis [Laughter] danny the area i really struggle is the is with the letters and i've been putting scrabble letters down my pants and just pulling nine out and just going go out the word then chucking them back and seeing how many words i can come up with and it's i'll give you a bit of advice to do that it's best to do that at home i got it is it groin acne rob started brushing his teeth nine years ago and great news you only need to setup rob started brushing his teeth nine years ago and great news he's nearly finished americans call mathematics math because they argue mathematics functions as a singular noun so math should be singular too fair enough americans but by the same singular rule you're a bunch of [ __ ] uh how do you keep up your math skills what do you do well off the back of the success of cat says countdown we actually susie and i do another show called countdown it's really similar when's it on it's on every weekday uh 2 40 channel 4 2 40 in the day 2 40 in the day yeah who who would watch something at 2 40 in a day sounds like the kind of thing for like the long-term unemployed and pensioners this is my mascot this this girl this girl pig she's essentially the third parent to my children she actually sees my kids more than me some days because i just sit them in front of it all day and they just watch peppa pig all day no the telly we're not that northern i just sit in front of a teddy bear the 30 second clock plays a big part in countdown do you think anything else would be improved in life by setting it to 30 seconds yeah one of your dvds [Applause] knock that one out of the park there sean okay so you're on tammy but why are you dressed like that you winding me up i'm just asking but well it's not it's because if you're gonna go on the anyways essex you have to be glamorous and what's more glamorous than a mermaid john has been going out with his girlfriend for over 12 months and to mark their first anniversary her friends and family released a special video message pleading for her safe return i know we might sometimes come across as a boring slightly lame geek with no friends in his pathetic life but oh hang on that's all i've got on the card i noticed you already did one at the little beginning when you're showing off in front of everyone so i thought these ones would be jettisoned but i'm getting done twice now am i per show that's what they said at the sauna did you know for example if something is obliviable then it's easy to forget i'm fairly confident i'm not obliviable and neither shawn and neither's the other one i think a letter is arbitrary a word okay it's a thing you know whatever you know floor can't think of any others that's the main one that's the only one and it's supposedly made up of letters but it's not made up of letters it's made up of lines some of them are curly some of them join up some of them cross each other it's just lines and then arbitrarily someone says oh no that's selection of lines that's a p and that selection of lines that's an r i don't accept that it's just it's all some lines that's why you make a word is that why your books haven't sold yeah trevor is from south africa his last dvd sell more copies than any other south african comedians it was south africa's biggest release since they let nelson mandela out too soon too soon jimmy too soon too soon would you meet too soon too soon to call the dvd sales because we've already we haven't counted all of them yet so it's too soon john says his new girlfriend takes his breath away and that's because she's inflatable have you got a mascot this evening a what a mascot oh i think i misheard that mascot yeah mascot i got um i got like a math scott and um his wife was pregnant and i opened up with it's lovely to see them together the bride's legs that is i promise you that the bride's family left the restaurant very bad call yeah now if you've ever wondered what type 2 diabetes would look like if it came to life and got a job in show business it's johnny vegas [Applause] do you know i actually got invited to talk at a conference on living with diabetes and i don't have it they just presumed that i would have because of my girls johnny vegas there who doesn't know he has diabetes there's nothing wrong with going the loon 19 times a day all right and i like sugar it makes me sleepy rachel's been hosting a new science show for itv good luck with that rachel watching itv to learn about science is like watching babe station to learn about feminism tonight it's katherine ryan catherine is a regular columnist for the nme magazine which is a very prestigious journalistic job in the late 1990s victoria is the host of a highbrow intellectual quiz show called only connect if you haven't seen it it's like an upmarket version of regular countdown but for an audience who might make it through next winter nish once went to see the film shame with his dad but said the graphic sex made it very awkward everyone in the cinema asked them to stop i think i would like rachel riley to be on my team and then we could get like some hunk to do the letters i'll be free [Music] we'll get some dick and balls up there is that his name dicken balls an unfortunate name he'd get bullied at school [Music] because whenever ed balls gets really depressed he says at least my first name isn't dicken oh harry richie it used to make people laugh at school by playing a hawaiian tune on your nose yeah is that is that a real thing can we hear that do you want ladies and gentlemen johnny vegas on the nose [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] a sextant is an instrument used for measuring the angular distance between objects whereas a sex tent is what a scoutmaster takes have you camping this or have you only ever been in the let's not call it the easy chair but your chair have you been a contestant i've never been uh i think it's beneath me frankly but it's it's great to have you here then who would do your job because that nobody could do your job maybe some teeth in a glass sam simmons he's the answer to the question what would it look like if my thumb was hairy alfred are you serious you look a little bit like a hairy thumb i don't you can't help but your face looks like that mustache is that's a permanent fixture isn't it i can't grow stuff up here i'm also have something to comb do you get money from guess who i'm not saying sean's drunk all the time because he's sitting right there and he always gets aggressive when he's drunk which he is all the time i'm a good drunk a good drunk i think so yeah i've been drunk with him he's a good drunk yeah well well proof of proof we need it yeah well obviously we're very different aren't we i wouldn't say that yes i would are you go in charge of spelling the numbers and i'll deal with all social interaction i think that's probably us batting so many lies to choose from aren't they they're the ones you know normally i lie when i'm looking in prams or as a parent you lie a parent you lie you say like you know you watch too much teddy you get square eyes your eyes are bigger than your belly you can be anything you want to be you live by your lives don't you they're an entire industry based on lies i mean we're in show business your teeth are a lie there's that lie i told the american tourist i said it's 998. according to a recent study dogs can understand both words and intonation so if there are any dogs watching stop [ __ ] on my driveway with the voice of post and pat yeah did you create a backstory for him or anything yeah because he was in a tv series before russell's t-shirts are so tight he looks like a toddler that was granted a magic wish to be big bill is constantly trying to challenge stereotypes about chinese people by being [ __ ] at maths and refusing to violently suppress the people of tibet look at this together it's like a budget hawaii 500. [Music] it feels to me like that is jamie is what the tinder profile would look like oceanographers have recorded dolphins having conversations in their own dolphin language they've been trying for ages and then suddenly it just clicked i said did you go to auckland yeah did you stay at that you must have done that say to that hotel in auckland next to the bungee jumping tower yeah my god they don't tell you you check in you didn't sleep [Applause] is a vegan so she's always making people who visit her vegetables a bit like shawn but he does it with a hammer [Laughter] i get away with it sheen says her most embarrassing moment was answering the door to a delivery driver whilst topless it begs the question do you live in a carry-on film i was in a onesie and it was hot in the summer and i'm not looking for bra on it's just a onesie and then i went to the loo and then i left the loo and then i was carrying on my day the buzzer went and i thought well i've obviously got a top on because i don't walk around the house topless so to go to the lunar onesies a bit of a pallava it's a full down and then i'll pull down and then i've got pulled my trousers up because you don't always think i should get fully dressed again i've been to the toilet and i came out oh yeah did a delivery for a mrs thomas people one piece of advice what would that be cool what for my from a life from a film i've heard that question i have so many times in my life what would you give you one person no one has ever answered what from my life or from a film god you've stumped me chilly um i'd say i'd have to say never never tell a bride with a dog [ __ ] on her dress to chillax [Laughter] they get annoyed that's all i'm saying they get annoyed especially when they find out you threw it at her we'd run out of confetti i had to improvise i'll put it down to the stress of not being invited sarah is a vegan feminist who loves animals her favorite being the high horse there are 25 feet of intestines in the human body so if you laid your intestines out end to end on a tennis court you would die apes use 40 gestures to communicate they also know one word which means this bath is too hot a person who illegally exports sheep is called an owler unless you're from wales in which case you're a sex trafficker jason studied media and performance at the university of salford he left with a degree of embarrassment i'd imagine it's a good course at tough as well salford doing drama in salford is this a dagger i see before me yeah give us your trainers kevin has a degree in social sciences from glasgow university which means if his comedy career doesn't work out he'll always have well let's just hope his comedy career works out i don't have a degree in social sciences jeremy i've never actually set foot in glasgow really you don't you no i studied social sciences at college that means you're too thick for uni but too arrogant for a call center i was in there [Applause] you

Channel: Channel 4 Comedy

Views: 503,854

Keywords: Channel 4, All 4, Comedy, Channel 4 Comedy, Jimmy Carr, Lee Mack, 8 Out Of 10 Cats, 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown, Rachel Riley, Henning Wehn, Sean Lock, Jon Richardson, Vic Reeves, Alan Carr, Sarah Millican, Katherine Ryan, Rob Beckett, 50 Jokes, 50 Jokes From 50 Episodes, British Comedy, Humour, Panel Show, Funny Videos, LOL, Laugh Out Loud, Videos To Make You LOL, Hilarious, Comedians, Comedian, Rhod Gilbert

Id: YhDIyTdklQQ

Length: 16min 40sec (1000 seconds)

Published: Sun May 01 2022