Ep #40: OLIVIA MUNN | Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings

[Music] i don't listen to anything i do i when i do hear my voice it sounds like fran drescher and it makes me hate myself oh i don't think it sounds like fran drescher and i like your voice it makes me feel comforted thank you you have an incredibly soothing voice i've talked about it before also the way you talk is sort of um it's like a pantameter that's incredibly hypnotic i'm not even joking i'm talking about this okay like explain it to me like what you just did you went yeah like explain it to me like you just have like a very interesting intonation and an odd spacing between words oh my god i swear no no you're so right because i swear when i when i do any kind of role i have to look at how i talk and realize that oh i think the way that i talk in real life does not come across across good on camera because i i put weird spaces but it's captivating and it's like because you're like you think i've glitched because you're like she's having a stroke i'm on the edge of my seat you're so right i do have no one's ever brought that up to me but i know it about myself i i will pause sometimes if i've ever caught an interview like if someone's like oh it's on let's watch it and i'm like wow i pause weirdly you pause at random times you're right but in a way that i was thinking about last night because i was like watching a lot of your show uh talk show appearances and and podcasts and stuff and i think it's actually just you're thoughtful and you just don't talk a mile a minute like i do and just like puke out everything like you're actually just thinking about what you're saying when you speak um but i was thinking about it a lot yesterday that's interesting well i i think a lot a lot of it is from thinking about well i gotta i mean no but i do i i do think but i think a lot of it has to do with i do speak fast but i do take more pauses because i am more i do second guess what i say and i want to make sure i'm saying the right thing and then what's really disappointing is that when i don't i'm like i took all those pauses and i regret everything i said which happens a lot i took a bunch of time to think about it and then i'd like to say something i regret how do we rewind that but no there was something captivating about it like there's that book the art of seduction by robert greene and one of the things he says in order to seduce people is to kind of talk really quietly so that they have to lean into you oh and i obviously don't see anyone because i scream when i talk i actually make them recoil frankly and i was listening to you last night i was like i wonder if this is like some kind of hypnotic like art of seduction life hack because i think i would be much more successful i think i would i would be the joe rogan of podcasts if i if that was some kind of art of deduction if i knew that but by the way i might now be you might you now have just inspired here it is like you didn't come on my podcast one of our lights fell on you so you own my house now if you want to sue me i like your house i'd like to own it after you renovate it so i'm gonna jump around a lot please but the first thing i always like to ask people when they come on the show is if we're friends yes we are friends you and i are friends we are friends that we don't hang out a lot or ever but like hold on hold on because i first and yeah but when we do which was today um and another an event you know but no here's a difference okay yes do we are you one of my closest friends no um but what but i could call you at any point or text you and say like i need to ask you something on the reel like what do you think about this and i can ask you something that needs to stay private and it will and if i ever needed you and i could call you and said like can you call me back i know you'd call me back or text me back there are people that in this business where you're like oh yeah we're friends and like i text them and i don't i don't like i don't really know if they will but it's because of your character i know who you are and how we connect i i know that that's why i think of you as a friend even if we don't really get to hang out outside of like you know an event which is it's weird i i think i feel very very close to you and there's no reason for it it's totally unearned i feel like we just whether it's through the the animal connection or just we kind of came up at the same time like i feel very close to you and like we have the same values and i i actually as i get older and as we have less and less time when we get busier and busier and our lives get crazier and crazier i value more than ever relationships where you're like if we don't see each other for six months and you call i'm like i know she needs something and i know if i need something i can call her and we can just fucking get right to it yeah no small talk no pleasantries no formalities like hey what do you know about this situation 100 and that's you so wait would you consider are we friends i always ask this just in the beginning because i know and i'm asking you people in hollywood are so i'm asking you now why are you not answering truly my closest friend i'm horrified to hear that this is less formal than i thought you know it's interesting i have such a fascinating uh answer journey with you no i actually have had resentment at you before because i think we should be like really close friends no don't you think i think that we should be really and actually hanging out with you today earlier before this was like oh i want to do this more and i think that every time we do hang out i'm like oh like i just and i never i always feel like in this business women are like pitted against each other in a weird way and are made to compete with each other and are just there's so much weirdness that i always am like oh this person probably doesn't want to be my friend or like oh this person probably doesn't like me like i have a lot of that shit i have a ton of that you know yeah i just assume nobody likes me and nobody wants to be friends with me and like don't push it and don't try to hang out uh well i definitely i feel like that there's a thing of um it's like what are we gonna do am i interesting enough am i going to be fun enough or do i have enough money to hang out with you am i as famous as you am i like it's like that's how it is for a lot of people it's like you know i feel like you know you meet make friends with people and and i think instagram makes me very nervous about hanging out other people the way that they show their life how like how pretty they are all the time or wow i see their homes and i'm just like oh i just don't i'm like this is just it it does bring up a lot of anxiety and security and i just think i also don't think that i could roll with i'm like i don't know what you're like a lot of people are off like doing a lot of shit and i'm like i don't know if i want to do that can we just hang out at the house like do you like that because i look on instagram it doesn't look like right it looks like you only want to be on like yachts and like huge like can we just kick it on the couch and be boring because that's i am secretly the most boring person on the planet who pretends to have a really exciting life and i actually am at the point where i don't even i worry about being friends with people because when someone does come into my life now i'm like this has been false advertising i'm really not that fun well you know what i have a a problem with or not problem with what enza probably hurting my feelings more is when i make friends with people and then we have hung out and then then they go and they do something or have a party and then i'm not invited and you're like oh what you know or or i will say this even though i don't i've never said this out loud but i thought of it i was like i don't it's one of those things where i'm also insecure about like the things that i admit to being insecure about you know because you don't want to but like when you're friends you think you're friends with somebody or you've worked with them and then like they don't follow you on instagram like something small like that where you're like but they're following all these other people yeah and like and then you're falling and then you're just like it just it's one of the it's a weird marker now for like yeah feelings yeah because especially if somebody is like following a lot of other people how close are we but i feel like do you even like respect me or like me enough to like you know follow along with whatever it is i'm doing even though i feel like you'd like me a lot more if you didn't follow me sometimes i wish that i didn't even have an instagram so there wouldn't be that marker right it'd be like oh i want to be that cool girl that's like i don't even have an instagram or twitter it's like i'm just i'm so mysterious yeah i'm not at all i'm desperate for love at all costs and will broadcast every second of my life um it's interesting you make a ton of money it's that's correct uh isn't it weird how when a woman says that they're gross i'm not gonna let that happen that was gross good i'm not gonna let that happen i'm happy that you make a lot of money guys can say that guys can be like making bills and making and it's like sexy and hot but i think they're gross i think it's hot when you're doing it it's awesome i also it's so interesting because i have historically projected a lot onto you please tell me everything i feel horrible that that you have for real this is what have you projected on this is real i projected a lot on to you because i think we kind of came to hollywood at the same time don't you think i i came in 2015. [Laughter] so whatever it was i remember seeing you around and being so at the time i mean i was a mess like i was a mess the first time we met or saw each other or were in the same concentric circles or whatever i was such a disaster i was like a completely unrecovered codependent like workaholic super insecure hanging by thread and i would see you and whether this is true or not please i project it on to you like you were always so together and so calm and so clear knew what you wanted and i was just like always so insecure is something going on are we good okay um sorry i just have such a bad add i know like what happened um and you were always so clear and so confident and i was jealous wow when did when what year is that were you any of those things or did i invent them in my head well depends on what year i don't know 2 000 you were probably doing the show by my by now your g4 show so well it depends on when it was uh-huh because i could tell you but it depends on what in what room we might have been in because there were times when when i started on g4 i had no idea that that would be the the key that would unlock you know hollywood for me right and so i was just on it and i i had no real barometer for like anything that was happening and um i was just having fun and it was really fun and i was just enjoying my life and i was making money i remember you know i remember i called when i got that job on g4 i remember the first year they paid me it was uh like 80 grand and i thought oh my god i'm so rich or not forever i never have to work again i called my mom and i was like mom i'm done i was like can i borrow your credit card to go to forever 21 and buy a hundred dollars worth of clothes to celebrate and i with a hundred dollars worth of clothes i bought like seventeen hundred things yeah i was excited for 50 tube tops yeah yeah but like i was just like everything was so exciting and new and like that first year did change and um and i got paid more the show was doing better but um i if you see me during the early years of g4 i was like had oblivious i was just oblivious i was just happy doing my thing yeah had no idea and then i started getting more anxiety when like i uh when i felt that it was like it was time like like that the other things were coming my way other opportunities i was getting offered stuff and i didn't think i was ready for it so i would turn things down i was like oh gosh i don't wanna i don't wanna i would turn things out to stay at g4 and then my anxiety started coming up but it's so interesting that for a lot of people they start out super insecure and then they get successful and that cures some of their self-esteem issues or they look to external things to meet internal needs they go i have this thing it's almost like you were super confident and then you started working a lot and the stakes got got higher and then you started getting anxious yeah well the truth is that um it was it was really tied to the fact that like now i have i'm getting offers for things and i can see where this could go and fuck if i'm what if it goes away like i'm i'm good right here and i'm happy here and like this is comfortable yeah and and um you know and you know i'm you know i'm half asian half white and growing up as a you know minority female you know it's it's something that you know kind of was ingrained somewhere in my head was just like the you know it stacked against me you know um stacked against all minorities and then minority women and so it was just that that idea that um it was just going to be maybe it was just too much for me and i wouldn't be able to really do i was really happy where i was also i will say at the same time around the time that i in my head of when i started getting anxiety anxiety was like 2009 right before i went on to the daily show with john stewart it was right before then and i i was in a relationship with somebody it's my first time as ever in like tabloids or anything like that and that was a completely new thing for me and i that put another spotlight on me that i wasn't prepared for and um and having you know anybody talk about me online in a way that was like before when people i'd say something i'd say something stupid or whatever i didn't really care and it was just like in my you know in the g4 nerd bubble that i felt very protected in i felt and i knew those people and that's how my family was and it just felt like whatever you know we're all kind of talking and and i would you know fumble around but then all of a sudden there's this other like the mainstream eye that a microscope really yeah and i'm sure like looking back it was like nothing to other people but when it's happening to you it really it felt like oh god oh god and for me at the time i thought um it just made me feel like okay now i i don't now i have now i have people thinking about me in this way and they're looking at me and like and i think that maybe they think that like i'm not good enough to be in the mainstream you know because i was still on g4 and um which i loved and also i just felt like i wasn't like if i had started off and like my first job was mad men they'd been like oh she's an actress and that's it you know but my first job was as a host of this video game technology network that i loved it's still my like one of the most exciting times of my life it's something i miss every day um and something i'm so proud of but at the time it felt like the world was like oh who is she yeah yeah you always want to be an actress but you hosted something first now she wants to be an actress yeah it's like that i couldn't like it was just like i wasn't good at like it was that i wasn't good enough to be dating this guy that's in this mainstream world and this thing and that that's and whether i heard that or i just felt that i don't i can't i don't remember i don't think i actually read anything like that i think that in my head that was my fear that that's how people would see me or that's what they would think or i think that there was probably just something like of like who the hell is she and how did she get him yeah and you're kind of like well i mean because you know i'm i'm a nice person i'm the best just like i don't know because we met and you know you just like you think like a regular you know scenario like i met this person at this place we connected and that's how you start dating yeah um but instead it was this big question mark it felt like to me and then that created this you know insecurity for a while and then i have to learn how to you know be in these so if you ever saw me probably looking like like i had my shit together it was more probably me like freaking out in my head being like i was like because now that i'm older and i look back and people say to me like you know i was always like especially when i started i was like quiet and i was like focused because i was like okay it's a female comic i have to work twice as hard to get half as much and everyone's gonna think i'm fucking the more successful comics and there's like everyone's always gonna say you're fucking everyone if you've got any success and let me prove everybody wrong and i have to change i had so much pressure on myself and then people now they're like yeah i met you 10 years ago and you were like very aloof and i'm like no i was just scared i was scared i was terrified i was insecure and i was terrified i just think it's so funny to compare notes of what you projected onto someone versus what they when i would see you at hollywood parties or something you were probably just like terrified and i was insecure and going like oh she's you know doesn't want to talk to me or she's so confident or with the stories we tell ourselves when we're so inside our own narcissistic fears and insecurities 100 and i also think that for whatever reason there have been you know so many microaggressions that get embedded into our heads and especially as women yeah um that we are naturally pitted against each other yeah you know it's like if i see if you know i see you it's like it's like a dog seeing a coyote it's right oh god this is gonna take me down oh shit it's like there's somebody else who's doing comedy who's um who's pretty and who's nice and who's smart and oh okay so then there can only be one of us always and always and i think men are raised they they're you know in a they're in team sports that's right you know they you know i think about a lot we get like ballet yeah yeah try to be the soloist but there's something also i believe in the the with microaggressions and um and actually like truly understanding like where the term microaggressions you know comes from and understanding what that means you can start to to feed back into like into your childhood and realize like when you are raised a certain way um and we watch certain movies and tv shows and we read in magazines or books and we get this thing in our head that um our goal is to basically find a husband find a man yeah um and that's what our worth is um where men have their own worth you know like so many times i think women they actually talked to my girlfriend earlier today she was saying why is it that like i'm in these relationships and i feel like i um like i just give myself so much into them and then when it ends he goes off and he does whatever but i'm just left broken and like well because typically a lot of times women we we put so we put our whole life on hold to be in this relationship and men don't do that um and that's a good thing it's a healthy thing to keep things going in your life and have your friendships and your work and your hobbies um so i always say relationships shouldn't come second yeah i mean because because what are you adding to the relationship if you don't have your own thing but um so it's it's those um it's that like i think going back into the microaggression of like so men like in in school right this is gonna seem like a tangent but it's i know it's not so cute podcasts are a giant tangent that's the good news i talk in a very circuitous way sometimes and random pausing i love it but so uh like in high school um you get a girl who was at a party and she hooked up with some guy and the next day um there everyone's talking about it and they're like oh she's a slut she's a whore she's like whatever and you see the guys are all laughing and whispering and looking at her and then the girls the other girls also kind of turn their back on her that happens a lot nobody really rallies around her because it's kind of like oh god everyone's talking about you now imagine there's a guy and some girl takes a dick pic of him and she starts to show it around to her friends all the guys somehow know to rally around each other and be like man fuck that fuck that bitch fuck her man fuck and then ever and then the girls are looking at her going well they're mad at you now okay well we're i can't believe you did that that's really kind of messed up and then they turn back and then so it's weird that when you flip it around the girl always stands by herself no matter which way you flip it but the guys they they know how to like rally around each other and stand there for each other and protect each other and i don't know why it's not ingrained in us to do that yeah um and i think that that's something that we have to keep working towards and the really big thing is that for women especially in our position um we have to keep pushing that door open but make sure we hold it open yeah behind us i think the people in front of us they're not holding it open as much you know um understandably because it's you know it wasn't really held open for them it's so interesting and like i think that because there's been such a scarcity complex in our business for so long and because you know i think for the most part we're wired for harmony if there's not scarcity you know if there's only one slot of course it's me against you you know and i think that um i also think it's important that women know that they can disagree and still be friends that's been a really big um uh issue for me in writer's rooms or in any kind of organizations and charity where it's like i disagree i think this should happen and then another one can say i disagree and i think this should happen go cool we don't have to hate each other you're not a bitch like we can get through this like we can get through this uncomfortable moment it's like you know i think we're so wired to not make anyone feel uncomfortable and to be apologetic that women end up being um sort of like categorizing a disagreement as like caddy like we've internalized the sexist jargon of like she's catty she's a bitch like we sometimes do it to each other you know and i even have to check myself for i'm like oh that was kind of bitchy that she did that and i'm like i would never say that if a guy did that if a guy was clear with me like that i'd be like oh he's very decisive and she sent an email that was very curt and i'm like oh she's being bitchy and i'm like what was that like i have to check my own inner monologue about that i try to just instead of correcting it i just try to call men bitchy more instead of saying she's decisive i'm like you're a bitch and you're a bitch you're all fucking bitches like you're so bitchy oh i'm like rare guys are bickering i'm like oh cute cat fight turn around kitty likes to scratch that time of the month for benton you also like have actually had a really big impact on me in a lot of ways because i you know obviously came up in comedy and what happened with you in the brett ratner situation of and you're not cut out whatever you want if you don't want to talk about any event when i was reading back through it yesterday so much of it is like the nasty shit he said to you the sexist shit he said to you the humiliating shit he was saying to you it's like i learned at such an early age in this business you laugh that shit off you pretend it didn't happen you come up with a witty quip to neutralize it or you go back at them you ignore it you know i have learned that i have to laugh at men's nasty i'm gonna put jokes in quotes and comments and pretend like it didn't bother me and crystallize this like outer shell of armor so that their behavior doesn't hurt me instead of allowing it to hurt me and saying like that's not okay right well yeah i mean that's what we we are conditioned to do because if we say hey that's not okay they get uncomfortable it's just a joke it's just a joke you know it's just a joke and then you're like now you're sensitive then you're and you made out you made things uncomfortable and you're a bummer frankly you're being a bummer and whatever and you speaking up is not going to change the fact this person will will they'll still get their job they won't be taken down they won't be asked to leave the party they everyone expects you to just deal with it yeah and in fact everyone's a little annoyed with you for making it uncomfortable you should have just learned how to how to deal with it and that's why when the me too movement happened in 2017 i remember i was on set in vancouver and i got to set in these guys um uh all the the male actors are like oh my god you hear about weinstein i was like what and i when they were telling me about it i just thought i couldn't believe it was actually like that there was any kind of it felt different i felt like there was a reckoning that was coming it wasn't that it wasn't going to be just an article and then people were going to move on because the thing that happened with brett ratner um the thing that was different than all the other people who've come forward in the me too movement is that with me he actually admitted to to what he did in 2011 and um and then he had to go into howard stern and admit that he lied and say i lied about olivia mine we never dated we never fucked i'm really sorry and then um he he actually uh had some homophobic comments he made the week before he was fired as a producer of the academy awards the very next day after he went on to stern and then i believe i'm doing the math right in 2014 he got a 350 million dollar financing deal with warner brothers and all he did was put his head down say sorry and it's like the formula for redemption that a lot of men go use you know he he put his head down he came back up was like sorry sorry and then he aligned himself with some people that he hurt he did some uh he did something with glad i think some commercial for them right and they go okay that's great cause we got this big director and we're doing this and we'll we forgive you and then he just resumes his place in line and no one thinks about that weekend that he had said these things about me and lied about me and how i just all that whole weekend i just was like it was one of the worst weekends ever of just me just hoping and praying and just keeping my mind going like how can i all i wanted was my name back yeah all i wanted was for people to to to not think that i would have ever slept with this guy you know because if you look at him it's clear that if you're sleeping with this guy yeah you're doing it for one reason yeah because that's what he looks like in my opinion and all i wanted was my name back i i wasn't even hoping that he would just go away or that he would get fired or anything bad would happen because like i didn't think that i could even hope for that i didn't think that that was like on the docket of like things you can have i'm like i just want my name back can you just not have done that to me at all and um you know i got some redemption but then realizing on that monday when he had to admit to it but then realizing that it didn't really matter so then when the metoo movement happened now this is like six years from that time that happened which is not that much time yeah and all of a sudden people are kind of going after women for not speaking up oh now you're speaking up why don't you say something before why do you say something before and i was able to say as a good as an example to all the women why they didn't because look he came after me he said this about me he admitted to lying about me and you guys didn't do anything so why do you think any of them would ever speak up yeah because it didn't didn't matter when it happened to me and at the time i was like the first female correspondent on the daily show um in seven years before samantha b and then there was me and so i was in a good place i was in a place that women should rally around and and be there to support but no no no men or women or or animals or anybody i was just completely by myself just trying to like get my name back so why do you think any woman ever would have spoken out yeah it because nobody gave a shit nobody cared and and when it's so interesting because brett ratner like i look back and it breaks my heart to think about like all these man weinstein that like when i moved to l.a it was like the joke like you have to fuck harvey weinstein you're gonna go meet harvey weinstein grab your knee pads like the level of you know desensitized the women that were older than me would just joke about it like it was they just had to cope and it was just like um you know brett ratner same thing was like oh he's scummy he's this like i mean he said disgusting shit to me all the time came up he dated people i knew was awful with them and it's just like oh that's how it is the fact that we have had to just accept it the idea of it changing was like like didn't even cross my mind certainly in my lifetime that i would ever see someone like that lose power you know it was just like this is what we do we degrade ourselves we allow them to say this shit we allow them to like grab our bodies and poke us and like say nasty shit and it's just like don't be a bummer you know and then when i when i do talk to people and they're like well why did it take so and so so long to come forward it's like can you imagine if i had wanted to say something 15 years ago like who am i going to call who i'm i've been i'm on two vh1 clip shows who what am i going to call you like fucking tom from myspace like who do i know who like i don't know i don't have any power no one cares no one's gonna listen to me no one's gonna believe me they're not gonna believe me then they're not gonna believe me now it's just like it's it's so interesting when someone wants to say well why didn't they speak up sooner well they didn't have any power to speak up where would they have spoken up and i will say what's really it's been very important for me um as a silence breaker um and for people who don't know what silence breaker is it's the people who have broken the silence on an abuser um the people that created this movement the people that spoke out about weinstein in the beginning that started this whole thing um they have been pushed out of their career they never got their career started um they are all struggling um and um or have decided to leave our our business all together because it was that dramatic for them um it wasn't the the huge a-list stars that said me too afterwards me too is a very important thing because it didn't leave those women alone yeah but those women because of their bravery to come forward and tell these stories now and go to the new york times and the l.a times and tell these stories that's the only reason why we have this movement and it's so important that people know who they are yeah because they have been pushed aside um because other big famous women um are now uh you know on the covers of magazines being called an advocate you know and there's a huge difference between um someone who advocates and someone who is an advocate that's right because the someone who is just an advocate those are the people on the covers of the magazines and they do not know the names they don't know who jessica barth is or carrie claus and kaligi you know they don't know these names they are advocates you want you can be an advocate and you can advocate but um the problem that i've had that that's get that's given me the most sleepless nights is that is all of my conversations with the silence breakers now i don't have that issue um i you know because of whatever in my position that i get that credit but um i am not the bravest one out of all of them you know and and i hear that i respect that however having in the last month had to make a statement about someone you know in my life that was engaging in predatory behavior like i have a i mean i i can't you are such a fucking gangster when it comes to this shit it is so clear to you like i remember going when all the stuff with predator happened yeah which the irony that that's what the movie was called when um the director hired a sex offender to be in a scene with you can you just talk to me about the what happened between the time you found out that you had been in a scene with someone who was a sex offender to a 14 year old and when that call to the studio went like what did that look like when you made that decision to do that so since i spoke out in 2017 um i will be asked by different journalists from different news outlets to talk to different women who want to come forward about someone a lot of times these women are afraid that there's going to be repercussion or there's lawsuits and so they want to talk to me and i do a lot of those calls and truthfully there's a lot of the calls where i'll i'll say to them like i i hear you and i'm really sorry that that that that happened to you but if he wasn't famous um there's not a story there yeah and you know you made a bad decision and i'm not saying that you know that it's not it doesn't suck yeah but you were of age and yes he may be 20 or 30 years older than you yeah but you shouldn't go forward with this um it's going to be bad for you it's gonna be bad for this person and it's gonna be bad for the movement but do what you want that's my opinion yeah so i do that a lot and a lot of people don't understand the the how complicated it is to speak out against someone you're dealing with like possible lawsuits with blasphemy defamation of character slander like it goes on and on and on the how much more danger you're putting yourself in however um side note that people should understand if you ever hear stories that come out in news news outlets like l.a times new york times buzzfeed any anywhere where they're telling these when an organization is telling a story they are putting themselves on the line that's right so they have to vet out these stories so hardcore with their lawyers so if you ever hear a story about this possible abuser know that the story is 99.9999 true because this huge organization who could face a massive lawsuit is behind it and if you haven't heard of anybody suing for defamation then know that that person is guilty yeah because if somebody was to say something about me and said that you know anything bad like that i would come after them yeah for defamation yes i'm like you can't prove this yes um and so far we don't have that you know it's it hasn't happened yeah so um in fact brett ratner did try to go after l.a times no i was part of the la times when he went after this woman who actually told her story first on facebook so she wasn't protected by that so right um and then what happens there is it's her own money but then she we did get her a pro bono lawyer and they ended up doing something out of court settling something but um but other ones that you've heard of all these big ones you've heard about um you know no one has been sued for defamation for speaking out so um i will say to women whoever you know i speak to i listen to the story and i i just think like there's a few things like one it doesn't matter so much if i believe it i'm just i look for a certain facts like who like were you underage did they abuse their power did they rape you or sexually assault you in any other way um you know and okay then if it is yes to any of those then did you um tell anybody do you have receipts do you can you prove this beyond you just telling me the story and if you can't prove it you shouldn't go forward because they're probably not going to run it anyways because the they can't yeah and you are going to get um into trouble so and it's not going to help anybody and i'm really really sorry yeah but somebody put me on um a call with uh with someone who was telling me a story and about um about [Laughter] another story and what they had been um around someone who has a lot of young girls around them and i said look how old are you i'm sure i do comedy with them yeah i said how old are you and they said um 18 at the time this happened and i said and they're like my friends was 19 and and um these are canadian girls who told me that they were um they were coerced to come to parties house parties um by saying that they'll help them get their visa or help them get into the sag union if they would just come to these parties and it's really sleazy really gross and horrible i said but you were of age okay and did you work for them no so it's not an abuse of power is it creepy 100 is this person i'm sure that's you know this person is probably doing stuff that you know is not okay but with you as the source like you can't prove it you shouldn't go forward and then she said well um what if i know about a director who um hangs out with a registered sex offender and i said well what are you talking about and they said oh well this director is my director on a predator his best friend is um this guy who was a registered sex offender and and she tells me his name and i i'm on the phone and then the person connecting me to this call is on the phone as well because they're like just you know listening in and i google it and i went oh my god and then the reporter googles it too and i'm like oh god and i was like um and then the report is like he was in your movie and i'm like uh-huh okay um and i said all right well this is another story i was like well i gotta you know i have to get into this now um but you know thank you for talking thank you for telling me that and i don't think that they even connect they didn't connect they didn't know that he was in the movie um they think they were just kind of throwing it out there yeah i think they wanted to help like expose more people right so they're like well we know this story we know the story so um as soon as i saw that i went into a deep dive to make sure what i was saying was correct and it was right there plain as day and uh and so then i i got off the phone called my lawyer and my manager right away and i told them and this guy his his scenes were with me his scenes were it was the introduction to my character in the movie which you'd already shot which i'd already shot in fact we were just um like five days away from me presenting at the mtv vma awards um and where they're doing a big predator promotion so we were like super close to like i think it was that five days or anyways i know there was like five days away from picture lock like we're not making a documentary yeah it's supposed to be yes so we were so we i know that we were really close to i think no that was what that was it because on a wednesday i found this out and then um i said we need to tell them to delete that scene and then my lawyer called them told them this information and i didn't hear anything for two days and then on friday i had my reps call again and say like what's what's going on because she's supposed to be at the vmas on sunday and if you guys don't take this out she's not gonna promote it and that was something really important to me because you know if this guy is using any kind of fame or platform in any way to seduce young girls like he can't do it next to me like i just won't let if anybody is watching that things that i endorse this guy i don't yeah but by stan you know because when you looked at his instagram he was in um iron man 3 and he's always got pictures on his instagram of that he's got he was in the nice guys he's got a picture of himself with russell crowe and uh ryan gosling and so if some young girl somewhere is saying this they're going to think oh he's somebody okay and so i said i just i won't promote the movie if you don't take it out so they said we're gonna take it out but we can't reshoot any of her stuff because we do a picture lock in china on monday and there's no time to shoot anything new so i'm like so i don't get that scene at all they're like no we're just going to jump in on your character on this other scene yeah and it's like okay well you know again you just take the hit it's like that's all right fine you'll you know as long as he's out and then um and then i made sure to call my co-stars i wanted them to know all male co-stars i wanted them to know what happened because the way i found out i knew that i couldn't keep it under wraps and i just didn't want them to be blindsided the way that i was blindsided yeah yeah so i told them all and then um it was just like i don't know if this is gonna get out i don't know what's gonna happen but they did you know all the guys were really really you know grateful that i called and were happy to hear that the scene had been removed and and then i get a call from my manager and they're like uh so we get a call from the studio and they're like um why is olivia calling her co-stars and telling them about this don't eat okay this is gonna make me so mad because like like because uh what what are we what are you what are you we're not children what are you talking about we have each other's phone numbers this drives me fucking yeah nuts okay that's such a sexist thing like look at women are spreading gossip they're snitching like what are you talking about a woman who called i mean even which is even worse like it's even worse yeah yeah yeah yeah but so that's what what the whole thing is so frustrating and you're just and he says she says to my manager um she says i need you to tell olivia to grow the fuck up tell her to grow the fuck up help us get this movie out without causing any more waves and when he called me and told me that i was like my first thought was by the way first of all and as i'm thinking i'm going oh olivia's the only adult in this scenario yeah you're you're not the one that needs to grow up you're the only one acting like an adult i didn't put this motherfucker in the movie yeah yeah yeah in fact i helped save the fucking movie because if i didn't tell you you could picture lock in china and then we'd be like opening up toronto film festival in two weeks which by the way it's there's so many people whose only job it is to make sure there's no sexual predators in the movie well i actually found out i found out um because fox um told us because i was wondering what happened apparently in the state of california it you do not have to do a background check it's not um required so they they're like that's not our fault um and you know and i guess you know you never thought that the director would put his best friend who is this registered sex offender into the movie and so maybe nobody really thought that but yeah you you know but it's still there should be people's jobs to to make sure that this is you know because we have we had you know a young kid in the movie and then he has little sisters who are around and yeah he's hanging out and this guy this particular guys um he did his scene with me he was really i was really i was really uncomfortable being around him in fact it was like a short scene like a five-page scene or something and i remember um the director said that we should we should rehearse together now normally you don't really need to rehearse like a small scene like that with somebody who's coming in for you know one day yeah um but i was like okay you know i'm always down to like want to work out the scene and work everything out i love you know that process and um and this guy comes over to the apartment that i was renting in vancouver and it was just so he was unbelievably uncomfortable i felt so uncomfortable being around him he was you know uh not leaving he was there for hours and hours and it just was so uncomfortable but you just you know as he just kind of i didn't feel unsafe but i just felt like he was just super sleazy but your gut knows you know this is why we talk about this gift the gift of fear on the podcast all the time about like how you know we are so brilliantly designed to be able to feel someone being ookie but our brains talk ourselves out of it because you're like oh well this person would never be working here if they were really a bad person or i must just be being sensitive or i'm just being dramatic because that's sort of the narrative that we are conditioned to believe as women that we're you know overreacting and we're crazy and we're psycho but um in the gift of fear um there are these interviews with women that were attacked uh by men in you know parking lots and in apartment buildings and stuff like that and they always say i knew there was something weird about that guy i fucking knew it and i talked myself out of it because he offered to help me carry my groceries and open the door for me and i was like stop being so crazy he's super nice you're being dramatic you're being paranoid and they were always right um i had a male therapist say once that i thought it really changed things in my head to understand and hear it he said women do have um another sense that men don't have he's like and that's just because we've had to cultivate it and and and use it our whole life he's like so as long as we were on this earth and we're you know these little kids there's always been an entire group of people who are bigger than us yeah so when we're playing around on the playground and some boy runs by us we have to think okay he's running towards us we got to brace ourselves where he runs another boy he's strong enough to kind of hold himself and not fall over or fall you know fall down um we get older like say we're 13 years old and we're walking down a dark alley um we our senses come up we have to look at everything that's around us but you have a 13-year-old boy he's gonna just innately because he's grown up feeling stronger that he's gonna he can or been told he was stronger you know but he also but they physically are you know they grow up being bigger than us for a certain point then there's a point where we kind of get bigger than them for a little bit but they're but they they are just they don't have that fear put into them it's actually a great thing for us to know so when they go through that dark alley they just kind of walk through they don't think anything of it but for us our spidey senses come on and we've had to cultivate that and so that's a really great thing so we just have to learn as women that we have this ability and to really tune into it superpower and to not have to be shamed about it or stigmatized about it or pathologize it you know it's like for me i was talking to somebody uh the other day about you know we're in a pandemic and people are trying to tour and etc and there was someone that i know that was asked to go on a tour and she just felt weird about it and she was just like it doesn't feel like it's safe yet and it's like that's you don't have to explain why just the answer is no i'm really big on saying no to something i'm not sure why yet i can't articulate it my gut my inner child whatever you want to call it my spidey sense is telling me the answer is no i can rationalize why i should i can talk myself out of it but the answer is no and i'll explain why later or my gut should be enough of a reason why that's enough evidence for me just my my body gets to make decisions now instead of my brain because my brain will always talk myself out of any of my emotions and i can you know be cerebral and talk myself in and out of you know bad situations but my big thing now is just like no the answer is no my body just said no i don't even ask my brain anymore well it's important the brain is important because you know the brain supports the heart and the gut and the gut supports the brain you know like they they work together and sometimes you know i think people you know you we can get into a feeling of nobody wants me to be afraid or nobody wants me to say no so i'm gonna so we have to kind of really learn to to to decipher what's going on and we have to understand that our brain is there to support the rest of our body too it's not you know it's it's not just a one-way street you know you can't just only trust your gut you know i think it's important that because because what happens after a while is we get conditioned to think nobody wants to hear us we can't say no we can't say that's right but you know like for me i do think about these things a lot probably like more than i i should and i do think about that's probably why i pause when i talk i do think that i do think about these types of things a lot i think about um so when they when they happen like when this happened with with the predator um it was like it was just it was it was a the way it all went down the way it was handled was like hard it was really hard for me and um but i wasn't it it was really hard but i didn't feel blindsided because i had already i've already thought so much in my head about how how our voice is interpreted by other people how our actions are interpreted by other people men and women how it is being a woman how does being a minority woman how it you know it's there's all those things that like i've already thought someone was happening i just kind of i you know i braced myself and and was ready to kind of like lose everything before for what i believed was the the right thing you know you have to i truly believe and i do act on this i i do the right thing no matter what can i tell you something that is exactly who the fuck you are and it is so clear and it is so badass and i i really when i went through something over the last month like i very much felt myself like i thought about you a lot i channeled you a lot because when the predator stuff happened i went and watched an interview you gave somewhere i was like trying to figure out what was going on it was like in the new and you were it was clear you were stressed in the interview because i know you and i know enough to know that your energy is effervescent and you're playful and you're buoyant and you're i just remember you were like and i know the press junket circuit like i could tell you were tired and you were tired of fucking talking about it and you were that your cast mates were not supporting you publicly or you know and you just went someone's like why did you do this and you're like it's very clear if someone harms children or animals i'm gonna do something about it like you just it was like what you literally were like why what are we talking about yeah it's like the fact that it's you know and you're an outlier for doing this that's the conversation that's what's crazy that's what's newsworthy yeah and you found i was watching you and you were like why am i having to explain myself someone hurt a child like of course i'm gonna do this to you it's so obvious yeah what the right decision is it yeah i mean it just that's you know that's how my mom raised us and that's just how i am and you know and at the end of the day like the fear of speaking up um what could i lose i could lose my career yeah i could lose um any kind of income um i could lose any kind of status i've created or any kind of um cultural currency and they can just take it all away in in some way um and i could have nothing yeah um but the things that i do value truly value my my family my family's love their respect for me my friends my education my sense of self my self-worth that's not on the table no one can ever take that away so once i i'm you know able to to understand what that is which was you know years ago and i realized this is this is what's important to me then nothing's really scary yeah it doesn't mean that that wasn't really hard and i didn't go you know during that press junket you know when i was in the toronto film festival every night i'd go home and cry in the hotel room and have to like you know wash my face in the morning and and do it again because i knew that it was important for me to like when i did those interviews it's important for me to be collected um to not be angry to not be emotional but to give out the information and to answer the questions clearly because i wanted people to understand why it was important that i was speaking up why i wasn't creating a mess and i wasn't being dramatic why this was very simple but also i wanted other people to be able to see that and um and say like oh you can speak out without without ruining yourself that's right and without unraveling and the the message is not going to get lost in the delivery of the message i'm realizing i have so much anger coming up about this like because it's like not only do we have to be the victims of this we also have to fix it and we have to speak out about it and then we have to like speak out about it in the perfect way and we have to be composed and we can't be too emotional we can't be too upset you know when this happened you know with uh crystalia it was like it happened as if the devastation wasn't enough then it's like the pressure to say something and then if i said something too soon it would be i didn't say the right thing or it's def it comes off defensive or it was like just the mental gymnastics the six it was literally like six stays straight of trying to figure out how to digest everything into five sentences so people could actually hear it the way it was intended and not filter it through their and i realized something that i got to the point where i was like you know what you either fuck with me or you don't right and there is no way that me being the person i've consistently always been in this moment i'm not going to lose you or again you and if i lose you i never had you and you never fucked with me if you think this is a controversial statement we don't fuck with each other and like that's fine and i i got so much thrown at me after that and there was such a crazy amount of negativity that came at me i was like no you guys never fucked with me that negativity was always there you never liked me for whatever reason i'm a loud mouth female comic we're the most hated people on the planet like you know i didn't lose anyone you know and i think that anyone you do lose when you're being your authentic self like either i've been fake this whole time yeah and i'm growing and changing or you just never knew me well that's you know um i you know one i will say this you know you and i were texting a lot during that yeah and i um when you i was not sure you know i i want to be there to be a support for you but the end of the day it's like it's what's your statement going to be and your statement was is pretty close to fucking flawless in my opinion that's very nice and it what and i know how hard that is you know and i think if i remember correctly telling you like you know just take your time because whatever you say it's gonna you know they people can wait for that you you really helped me not pull the trigger too soon because i did feel this sense of urgency to say something and my thing is you know me what you say say what you mean don't say it mean and wait for the urgency to lift so that you can be clear and rational because it's like in moments like that i feel this pressure of like don't be dramatic don't be crazy people already think women are emotional you have to sound objective you have to be composed you have to be mature you have to be clear and by the way like i know that that's frustrating for for us to have to think like that but that's okay yeah and we're not going to change the fact that we have to think about all those things before we make a statement that's just how the world is right now and there are you know there are some people that in my belief i feel like there are some people who are meant to weather a storm and to get through to the other side and then i believe that there are other people who are meant to turn around walk right back into the rain and change the entire course of the storm and i think that's somebody like you you know it you can make it through and get to the other side and put your head down and that's fine too like there's some people that just aren't built for the controversy or to actually understand how it is to to change a storm and sometimes you get in there and you can't fucking change it and it's and it's all that energy for nothing but if you have the ability to and if you have the the intelligence to and the strength to and the support system to then you gotta turn around and you and and and go right back in and try to change it because there are other people right behind you that you have to change it for that's right and if it you know it's not just for you it's for everyone else and so when you do that when you did what you did you had to take that time you had to take that time because you know the people will forget how much time it took you unless you took like months right yeah yeah yeah but they will always remember what you said you told me that and people will they'll and what you said was it was like i said when i saw it i was like that's fucking flawless on a you know another one and not to put him on not to put her on blast but enough time has gone by and i think it's an important um thing to understand um especially speaking about like what you did but like back when lena dunham just defended her um the writer that was called out right um i saw that and immediately texted her and i said um because i didn't want to go on to twitter and respond back i will go directly to the person and i said hey like i really respect how you want to stand up for your friend and somebody who wrote for you and um but i would encourage you to put out um to delete that statement to put out another statement because your experience with him cannot be compared to others yeah and where you are right now in your career and the platform that you have you are risking opening a door for other people to defend simply based on their own experience and i think you should put out another statement and she responds right back and she said you know oh my god you're so right i'll i'll get on to it she did that actually the next day there was too much time and she got you know an onslaught of like of that of like what the hell basically what i'd you know what the pro what i saw was a problem which is you can't say that this you know if somebody has gone forward to the you know at this moment in the movement and we were in the me too movement let that work itself out and um and you saying well because as his boss he never did that to me yeah that's right like that's not gonna work and um and then the next day she did put out a statement that pretty much said you know that you're making me realize something that you know it's i think that as um women in this business you're treated like shit for so long that by the time you're in a position of power you might not even know you're in a position of power and it took me a while to catch up you know it took me a while to realize like what do you mean but these guys i work with are so nice to me like they and it's like no there's people below you that they can treat like shit it's like oh there's people below me i thought i was the lowest yeah you know like you have to unders you have to part of our responsibility as women you know is to update our software as we evolve and grow and succeed and realize like if you do have power you have to take responsibility for that you know because i think as women we're so trainably we're powerless you know that it took me a while to catch up and go like oh yeah my experience with this person isn't necessarily everybody's experience even though my dysmorphia is not an excuse to not know what the fuck is going on i that's i mean i think that's definitely something that people and women need to work on i don't think i've ever um i if anyone has ever in my life been like this guy's an asshole or this girl's a bitch and i'm like and they're really nice to me i never i never think i don't believe that i i think i've for whatever in my life i think i've seen enough to be like yeah that tracks or be like i don't you know what i've never seen that in that person but i can't discount that because i know that people have so many sides to them yeah and i can't i there's no i would never discount what somebody else tells me yeah um ever because i can't you know there's a few people that i would be like that's you're fucking crazy yeah but um but like in general like everybody has so many different sides and um you know it's also important this is not the same in the same realm but it's a little bit of a tangent but my friend bauwin he directed the bruce lee documentary that's on 30 for 30. it was amazing and um and he was asked a lot um about uh the controversy with tarantino representing bruce lee in once upon a time in hollywood right because shannon lee bruce's daughter who runs the bruce lee legacy um was really upset by the representation of bruce in the movie and she petitioned to have him change it or delete it and she actually petitioned and successfully petitioned in china for him to not have the movie shown there at all because china said take out that scene of bruce lee or you can't have the movie here at all so he chose not to delete the scene um and uh you know bow and i were talking about it and i and i was asked a little bit about it never publicly really i think just like on instagram kind of thing but um you know at first he said that you know bow was like i don't you know he's trying to be respectful of an artist like you know allow quentin tarantino to be the artist and to do whatever he is he wants to do because we can't start to micromanage what artists are putting out i said however you know uh tarantino did say that he researched talking to people who were around bruce lee at the time because he tried to make it as accurate of a portrayal as he could so he spoke to people who were around bruce lee at the time acquaintances or people on the studio sets or whatever and they all said that he was this guy that was arrogant and cocky and all these things and so just based on that so now we're no longer talking about artistry we're not talking about somebody's own depiction of it tarantino himself said uh i tried to make it as believable as possible now i believe that he was trying to make that as believable as possible i think that he was trying to make an authentic portrayal of bruce lee and by asking people but i think the one thing that he didn't know to put into the equation was if you're asking a lot of these these white men who at the time you know chinese people were pushed away and we were not paid the same and we were building all the railroads before that and you know if all of a sudden you see a chinese man with confidence you're going to think that that's cocky you're going to think that he was egotistical and so you have to put into the equation when you have a memory of somebody like i remember this guy he was so cocky yeah but it's also because i was conditioned at the time that chinese men should not be um confident and they should not feel like they can speak out to any white person out here so you know not really that it's like there's a difference i think sometimes with like the racism and those microaggressions that are put into people's heads and they you have to you always have to put into equation how people are seeing and viewing it so like when we're talking about the stuff with um with like you know how you see things or how somebody else is saying things we have to understand like as a female comedian you're like well a lot of times these people aren't don't you you know it's so much harder right but a lot of times it's like they they you have to almost kind of do the reverse math of it like why are they like because they don't i don't it's not i don't think it's a conscious decision to be like like fuck you whitney cummings but it's like okay let's reverse engineer it and try to understand like why are you seeing it this way and then how can we get them to understand oh yeah i guess i am kind of doing that right now i think that's what people are trying to is with the blm movement people are trying to you know to say like you know you've been doing this really unpack this this like subconscious shit like i remember when the constance wu stuff came out of people were trying to call her a diva and stuff a friend of mine who's asian was like oh that's progress that someone would think an asian woman's a diva because that means she's not being you know stereotypically silent like that you know she was joking but it was an interesting like oh yeah we're so conditioned to believe that asian women are quiet or something or that asian men aren't you know sexy and hot and that's right you know it's but that's because of the microaggressions that are in you know film and tv for so long and so it's it's like once you have once you understand how it was it's like if you have like mold at your house right and you're like i got mold and then you're like okay you can take the mold out but there was a leak somewhere you got to go figure out where that leak is that's creating all of this so we've got to like you know fix the leak and then you know and repair all the drywall and then we can live in this house again but until you fix that leak it's going to get you can take the mold out all you want but that leak is going to bring more mold so you have to like understand the genesis of it you are one of the few people in this business that i'm like that bitch is not doing it for clout she is not doing it for likes like she walks the walk when no one is looking well thanks and it is it is so rare have i not said that ben 10 she has said that oh thanks ben you have to hit the microphone so loudly when you grab it no i need to know that i'm here asmr nightmare um i know i can't keep you too much longer but i love you you can talk for longer how long are podcasts allowed to be i mean rogan's goes like three hours but i'm gonna have to stop and pee if we can i have to pee so okay do you want to pee yeah you pee okay let's both people you guys talk okay benton you take over okay guys you take over you do because you're not supposed to edit it the people don't like an edit and no you're not she told me we're not editing this you guys get on get on the mic be interesting okay we're taking a little break from talking to olivia and we're going to talk to you about my favorite product that makes me feel like a loved wife hellofresh hello fresh number one meal kit in america we only mess with number one yes number one only hello fresh it's awesome it's a delivery meal service that basically delivers you fresh food right to your door i don't know if benton is allowed to uh talk about the sponsor since he can't pronounce the word meal meal kit it's a meal kid it's a what a meal kid meal kit delicious fun easy affordable meals as benton calls meals i've been making a lot of the wasabi zinger salmon i'm not no dude i don't even know the zinger best with this company they just send you a box of ingredients and then you can just make it yourself and it's portioned 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i really want to learn a new language me too i'm so sick of english it's embarrassing it's so embarrassing and i hardly know it dude i'm struggling does babel teach english because i do think we should retake it i'm tired of getting all my dialect lessons from reruns of love island i decided that i'm going to use babble to learn swedish because i want to go to sweden and it's the most fun language ever you know how to learn that too you know how to say yes yeah it's the closest to furbish so that's why i want to learn it furbish but furby speak brah brah zoe brock c no bar bra that means how are you bar bra i'm good ja jump good good job man i think it's such a fun language yeah you're really happy saying remember this one her mardu her martin that's how are you but you're with joy right no that's where is gerard de pardue in swedish what i just want to learn swedish so i can get a date with alexander sarsgaard that's the real reason to get babble babble is this amazing uh company and i just was on their website today you can pick how many like what increments of time you want to study in every day 15 minutes 30 minutes 60 minutes and it is proven to get you speaking a language within weeks they designed their courses with real world conversations in mind letting you learn every day practical conversations i remember when i learned french in high school it was so useless because they don't teach you conversations you words yeah you're just like yeah yeah and then you actually go talk to a french person they're like that's not french those are just right croque monsieur like we don't eat those anymore that's like from the 20s uh so these lessons are thoughtfully created by over 100 language experts and their teaching methods been scientifically proven to be effective across multiple studies choose from 14 different languages spanish french italian german or in my case speedisha babble is available you as to use an app online god morgan god morgan that's good that's that's good morning in swedish god morgan god morgan i think that we're putting like a german yeah i am definitely doing a german accent we are not the instructors of babel fyi right now when you purchase the three-month subscription baba will give our listeners three additional months for free that's cool with promo code good for you job for you for you that's three editions how embarrassing that's three additional months free if you go to babel.com and use promo code job for you know on your three-month subscription that's babble b-a-b-b-e-l-dot-com promo code good for you how do you say as a woman that you have to go tinkle like what do we do that's worse than the yogurt on the tuner of the stereo i have to go take a piss like i don't even know what i say i say pee i see we said it i have to go use the restroom but sometimes people think i'm saying take a shit like i'm not gonna take a shit i'm just gonna go to number one in the restroom what do you what did he say i'm just gonna take a peek i'm gonna go take a peek dude pop a squat he's gonna have a pee when i hear p i picture your vagina being is like i just think of p i don't think that's now you're thinking it i'm thinking about what your vagina looks like i'm wondering if it's lasered it's very lasered it is yeah bald it looks like a dolphin yeah did you got we'll get three guys in here yeah well um do you have you ever had sex with a woman no sorry some of my gay friends have innocent questions and we'll have sex later but i found out that there are there are four things that guys think about the four top things when it comes to um well you can guess i'll let you guess about what about the vagina it's really far back what i feel like guys are constantly surprised by how what where did it where they just sticking it like in your belly button i'm just like i think i think they think that it's where the penis is which is up here that's right i really like this i'm constantly here how far back the vagina holds what hold on whitney what am i i'm just saying i'm just saying i think it's a common common uh plot twist that the vagina is way further back than maybe you would think yeah that makes sense whitney do i mean i think a lot of people think that you can't be part of this conversation i've seen mini vaginas but have you tried to put your penis into one i think i think that our bodies were made that it goes like that i feel like guys always put their penis like in the front of the vagina and then just like push it in you have to like thumb it in what guys guys stop looking at your phones like you don't hear us is she saying something that is accurate to your experience i'm getting a no no okay you've never had a girlfriend so you've never had a girl thumb your penis into her vagina well who would admit to that i'm just saying i feel like it's always further back than it seems i even sometimes when i put a tampon i'm like whoa that's so much further back that i thought it was gonna be whitney i i it's my vagina deform it's not deformed it's just really far back is your is your butthole on your back is everything just kind of rotated butthole are very close you need a good chiropractor to get your alignment back you just need to rotate it rotate it oh my god whitney i okay so your vagina is very far forward no no no my vagina isn't a normal vagina place my vaginal vagina is like right where it should be i ride horses maybe it's been pushed back i don't know maybe i have something i think you do you have like a misalignment and you're like you're t1 5 8 whatever spinal well okay okay so let's i want you to give me four so one is that hold on i'm actually really now sort of no your vagina's in a normal place don't you think it's very you've seen my dinosaur a lot ben had seen my vagina a lot but have you seen the hole have you got in there like like uh i don't think so you've seen the top of her vagina which is where he thinks the the hole is sometimes when i see my friend's vagina's i'm like my vagina doesn't look like that what do your friends you mean in a good way very wait hold on in a good way or a bad way in a like in a way you're like thank god what no one time i saw a friend of mine's vagina that was like oh i want that one it was like had no it was like like it was it was wait what was that it was like it was like it was like a tiny little um like a u-shape with just a line in it and that was it there was no like i gotta say your vagina is 10 out of 10. it's a very nice vagina as thank you i appreciate it describe it take your time i have like a labia but coming out do you know what i mean barely really yeah but it's it hides when you come close it recoils up into my body i think that's intentional so that you can't swim oh my god like a turtle head yeah it's like a roly-poly that just rolls up i like that that just the labia being hidden keeps you from being sued like just that one thing so okay you were asking me the four things that guys think about that i have been told that guys think about vaginas okay uh yours was it's not bad i just learned a lot um we all learned a lot uh i mean too much frankly uh okay the four things people think about vaginas no people guys guys not people guys very similar that they are guys right size has to be one of them that they oh that they stretch oh i'm so proud of them well i wouldn't say stretch they don't str like i'd say the opposite stretch how tight it is what is wrong with you wait wait wait wait wait wait wait what's the game [Music] the game is i have been told by guy guy friends there are four things that well i deduce them they're like these are the things that the top things off the top of their head they're like when they think about when they're when they're with a girl for the first time sexually and they with her vagina what are the four things i thought the four things that surprised them and i was like how tight it is i don't think guys have ever been surprised by that with me but congratulations i see okay so the four things they think about tightness baldness what did you think it was like things that surprised them about the vagina how much your stretches out holy crap oh my god they're like whitney no no no ben have you seen have you swam summer's still lost in there we have to go find out there is a common misconception that women's vaginas can like stretch if they like date a guy with a big dick her vagina's gonna be like bigger no the average vagina depth is seven inches i want to be a neonatal surgeon so bad benton was almost a neonatal surgeon well you work with me now so similar you deal with baby childish naked people in bathtubs a lot okay let's hear it okay so the four things that guys like think about when they they're basically the checklist for a great vagina okay okay now i understand the game bald tiny like wet squirter i do not squirt so uh fuck all y'all hydrated bitches out there and is a butthole what i mean they'd rather go for your butthole oh it's um lasered tightness wetness and temperature girls vaginas um are different some of them are a lot hotter mine's apparently very hot like a jacuzzi because this because they're like this when you get into a hot does it explain i have to worry about the temperature of my vagina you don't have to worry about it because it just is that way or not it's your it's your body so he and then the way it's explained to me is like so like you want the guys you want it to be hotter because it's like if you go into it like a hot like a pool you want to if it's room temperature you're like okay but if you go into something that's hot it feels really good hotter is better yeah because yeah it feels like it's hotter it's like it's like the way it's described to me it's like a hot pocket like you don't want to put you he puts his dick into something that's like room temp or his his dick temp his dick it's like okay but it's like warm and hot but i don't wanna i don't wanna guys wait hold on temperature's a thing right what you're saying sounds right i would never want i don't think about the temperature of dicks do you i know because i think they're inserting it so it's different but i guess i've never had a cold wouldn't that be something wait wait my vagina is not particularly like warm and welcoming i don't think i think it's it's lukewarm uh and uh kind of um harsh conditions not particularly welcoming emotionally or otherwise okay yeah so it's like it's like it's like parts of canada yeah like it is like winnipeg is like the winnipeg of vaginas yeah i don't know i mean there's mine's like turks and caico you know i bet i actually bet are you fully lasered fully lasered like pretty much from armpits down me too yeah i don't know why more girlfriends don't do in fact after i told my girlfriend my best friend this story yeah she went the next day started lasering everything off i but i got laser before they came up with the new one that didn't hurt i did the one that was little flames like zinc yeah i did that when you had to do the um back you had to they gave you this the numbing cream you took you put on the night before i remember the saran wrap on top i remember and you come to the doctor's office with your vagina like saran wrapped and um yeah and it still really hurt now but then i had to do like i only did a certain amount of rounds because it was so painful so painful but then i went and now they have like the really good one where they do the cool blast that's right that's right and it's amazing they now see we are old enough to remember when you got laser and it was just fire they would just set your vagina on fire and now they have they just invented this little thing it's like cold hot cold hot and you can barely feel it i'm just gonna say this i suggest lasering for girls not for the guys it's just it's just nice it's just nice you don't have to deal with like ingrown hair issues you don't ever have it's just nice like my like my leg hair it's just nice me too i just love it i still don't get hairs on my toes and i didn't think to get my toes laser you didn't no it annoys me because then i have to shave my stupid toes well go get a little like a little shot it feels still a little it feels stupid to go to just like can i get yeah they'd be like okay they'd get it they'd be like yeah like fair enough yeah are they right now i do get probably i get like hairs around my ankles and you do have to do spot treatment you know like they go in they go get a couple spots no i think i shaved them already see that's a cut from shaving my toe oh when i see them i see the hair stupid did you know what i mean yeah there's something isn't that stupid and guys are into sucking toes i'm not into that shit get the fuck away from my feet i don't like feeling self-conscious even if your fetish is your fetish i've only had like a couple guys do that i'm good well it's also like weird because you're just supposed to be like you're supposed to be like am i supposed to be do i have to like be do i have to participate and act like i will do i have to be part of this like i'm gonna i'm ticklish i'm gonna kick you in the mouth dude i can't i like i'm too ticklish and there's no way i don't like being tickled but that didn't stick away it just felt like it just feels like you know what it is i don't know i've lost respect for you i just what do you why are you that's i wouldn't go i don't go that far i you're degrading yourself why are you licking my feet they're fucking gross but they might not be doing it to degrade themselves they may be doing it because they just there's something about i don't i mean i can't it might i do not have good i do not have like sexy you probably have sex i'm looking at them you have gorgeous feet i would put your feet in my mouth at this point they're unbelievable well they're lasered i don't like any kind of guy degrading themselves in bed i'm very beta in bed i i just i'm not do you do role play or anything like that nope i don't actually get on my date you don't make any noise she means better like the fish she'll find herself a chance to be alone i want to be alone do you make any do you do you like to go down on guys yes but i don't i'm not a super big fan of guys going down on me because most of them aren't very good at it that's right and i and i don't want to be a showrunner on my nights off i mean uh there's a lot of pretending mm-hmm like i've actually thought about this so many times about swear to god i'm like i regret every time i have fake moaned because these guys are out there feeling so fucking confident i have this one in particular that was just the worst the worst at just having sex in fact he went down on me twice during the years we were together and i asked him once and said why don't you ever go down but by the way i don't want you to um but i'm just wondering why because i feel like most guys i can't get out of my vagina and i'm like you have to fake it all the time so he was like because it's so fucking warm it is he said he's like well i just haven't had a lot of you know experience doing it and i was like oh and that's when i was also like um he may like benton instead you know it might be his kind of game and stuff right right right right but also the it was like every every time we had sex every time dark spooning from behind every time dark emotionally dark or it was just dark well it was a dark relationship but it also lights up like lights out lights out it was like spooning from behind so it's like you don't have to see my face you have to see that as a girl oh no yeah and i didn't put all these pieces together until later been there and then you're like but i mean first of all i got evidence about something and then i put the other pieces together i was like oh that's what all that that's what that was there's a i mean look i have dated guys that are gay straight up that you knew again that's my demo didn't know what the time didn't did they know yes i think i i think they well this one in particular i think had like repressed it and just was like disassociating in some way and it was the only guy i've ever dated who was like adamantly would not have sex with me on my period and it was like so weird that was like how it and i remember the time like being shamed for it that's the lip balm you got me bent him ah linnaeus it's the best because it's actually lip mask oh good yeah my hands know what they're doing i have kept olivia here so long her lips are drying up nothing not the ones down low i know those are set i think everybody you guys are you guys happy here you guys want to go home to your loved ones because i'm fine here she is my loved one we're doing this forever i'm moving in so we basically like i remember calling a friend of mine and like i was like embarrassed and like ashamed and he had actually shamed me into believing like i was like grow it was just this and i didn't realize too late i was like oh no you just are not into women oh yeah like it's just a little blood doesn't which is embarrassing it is a hassle it is pretty gay to be in love with women i mean it's like no it's embarrassing to like men i i my girlfriend i told her like how many years ago goes with how many years ago this was but my um i told my girlfriend i was like well you know he wants to like have sex on my period and she's like i think that's so fucking hot i was like why she's like because he doesn't mean he's not grossed out by things and blah blah blah blah blah blah okay and then since then it'd been like a like i don't i'm not i'm not that i'm not somebody that's going will he i wasn't doing what you were doing like why is he i don't think about it i'm always like yeah some people whatever but um the guys that do which is pretty much a lot of guys almost all guys i'm always like oh i have just because you put that in my head like that's like i get a little bit more respect for him yeah in that way yeah i think it's all but i don't know if i was a guy i'd want to have sex in someone's period but i guess you know i don't ever have to think about that that studio's head said grow up grow fuck up everybody um okay i'm gonna ask you a couple other questions i know i have to let you go at some point i'm being very selfish i'm okay and i think i'm kind of we're just gonna because i know that you can like this is your it's an unedited thing yeah i wanna i really am interesting to see like interested to see how like how long this can go oh we can do what's the longest we did i think dave girl was almost three or four hours four hours right with not dave grohl but the longest and you sedaris that wasn't cat was four hours right pat dennings was four hours we did two and then cheated too i think we also forgot we were podcasting and we just started hitting then you just put out the whole thing like that i do like a long podcast though if it's people that that's interesting and i'm like oh it's only this i don't i'm like i want it to keep going it's a road trip you come back to it yeah i want to talk to you about red flags because on this podcast we always talk about red flags what are some red flags for you if you're um uh in relationships friendships also i think is important i think we have to be careful with for me like for example one that i was thinking about this week of a red flag is a lot of time we think about like you know oh they act like this or they do this or they've been married this many times or whatever you think i'm learning that for me my red flags have to do with the way i feel around the person what side of me do they bring out like if i meet somebody and i instinctively start performing or trying to be too funny or trying to take care of them that's a red flag for me because whatever's going on with them is triggering some old child i'm recreating some childhood circumstances with them where i feel the need to be like unctuous and caretaking and like walk on eggshells with them and that's and i just i don't have to know why but i just have to i know me walking in eggshells no that's so real because when i first met you do you remember this we were in the green room and i was just sitting there like waiting and you went i love that you don't want to talk to me yeah to be in silence with somebody for for benton i mean that's part of the reason we are so close is he instantly and sometimes i get insecure and he'll just walk in and not say anything i'm like why aren't you saying good morning and i'll just get into like an insecure spiral with him right well you're doing yoga on the phone i didn't want to interrupt but it is to be able to be secure enough with yourself and the other person to be able to just sit in silence and just like not make like bullshit small talk is so valuable to me that's to me just like so authentic yeah so my um it's hard to say like it's interesting that's a great like i think a red uh it can be as small as like well a red flag in a relationship if if you're if the guy doesn't love his mother or a mother figure great great don't never date a guy who doesn't love his mother or a mother figure great like because he will not love you um i love red flags um uh people that can't be alone who call everybody their best friend is a red flag for me people who are really attached to a fight about something but not actually fixing a problem yes people that want to be in the problem and not in the solution which most and this is a lot of like friendships people it's taken me a long time to realize that a lot of people are comfortable in drama are comfortable in dysfunctional situations and when we do work on ourselves that doesn't mean everyone around us is are doing the same congruent work a lot of people want to be in adrenaline they want to be in drama it makes them feel important they want a people please they want to rescue someone they want to clean up a mess that's their definition of life right now with all the social movements happening a lot of people are more excited to fight online than to actually solve the problem yeah for sure but i just it's it's in a lot of friendships when i meet a new potential friend and they're like i'm in this relationship and he does this and i'm like this is going to be exhausting right you want to be in something dysfunctional you don't want to actually solve it you don't actually leave you want to stay in it i've been there i know what that is you don't actually leave until you're ready but i'm not going to be able to be a good friend to you by just enabling this and listening to it and you know i'm going to end up judging you and like it's just not a good match we're in different places for the friends for the friend you know um i love red flags but it's like interesting like hearing you guys hearing your red flags like these are like i'm like because i i love seeing them i have i have a i've had a bad habit of um like in my in my past like seeing red flags in relationships and just continuing to walk i can i'm like oh that's a fire i can contort a red flag i can like paint a red flag white i can go this i can see a red flag and say okay this person hates their mom and i can turn it into you need to be more forgiving and more compassionate and this person is going to make you better and this person is a trauma survivor and you're going to heal the rift with his mom you're going to fix his relationship with his mom and i will mother micromanage and martyr and think i need to repair their relationship instead of just going no just turn around make a u-turn get the fuck out of here mine is is that i i think to myself you know what i fuck up and i mess up yep and you know what i'd like somebody to give me another shot which is true and that's yeah healthy attitude but the thing is i find with people is like especially with the guys in the past where they mess up and i forgive them too fast because i because i go through them like okay and like they haven't really learned their lesson enough they're kind of like this reset where they kind of would go back um uh i there's a girlfriend that i i liked um and she's in her business and i um we finally had dinner and hanging out at her house and then she was like telling me about her life like really got really into it which is totally cool i like getting right into things but then she says to me because of things that happened to me when i was younger like i'm just such a big flirt like i flirt with everyone like i just can't help it like all my friends like my friends are used to it so i flirt with their husbands and their boyfriends and just it's just like how i am i just kind of i just you know i feel like i get you know i get validated by my sexuality and it's nothing like not to worry about but like it's just something that i do but like i would never act on it and i was just like i never hung out with that girl again off after that i'll tell you guys who she is but i was just like it was just like i was like people you know people who that's a red flag people who admit because you know there's a there's a great um philosopher francois de los trava called he says um and i said that fast i'm not sure if i pronounced it right like ran through that running smoking thing because i'm pretty sure i butchered it um but uh he's like we often admit to our small faults to convince others we have no bigger ones so if somebody right off the bat is gonna be like so um i flirt with your boyfriend or husband because i'm just insecure about myself that's all i do that's my only thing i'm like you know so i had a baby with your boyfriend yeah someone who's always like i just tell it how it is i'm always telling you no yeah that's somebody tricking you into thinking that they are um uh self-aware and safe yeah like i'm acknowledging this one flaw so i'm so forthcoming and i have no secrets because if i told you that one little secret why would i lie about anything else right you know it's so manipulative yeah you're like i'm you're telling me that one little one because you've got bigger ones and also fix it yeah also fucking fix it how about that the person who's just like this is how my childhood was so i'm fixed like this forever that's not how neurology works at all and so if i do fuck up it's your fault because i told you right so now the ball's in your court and now i'm the one that admitted it so if i do it it's now your fault because i told you it was going to happen yeah now you're dumb for letting me do this i told you this is just who i am i'm authentic this is just how i am bye fucking bad fucking people who like use their childhood at in their 40s as a scapegoat to their shitty behavior because their therapy for that is also a red flag oh yeah someone mentions that they go to therapy like four or five times in a conversation yeah yeah yeah what what are you doing yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean it's also using uh yeah fake i also think just i had a friend who would always be like well i can do this because my therapist says i need my there and i'm like okay well i'm not your therapist yeah yeah yeah yeah like a normal person yeah yeah i think that there there's a lot of um i'm going to admit all my flaws so now it's your fault if i hurt you yeah that's exactly what it is you know what i mean like i already showed you yeah i showed you i told you everything that's bad about me now you're um you're sick for moving forward with me or it's your fault now and then i feel like i am like yeah why didn't i run yeah why the fuck because i mean i think there's also something like really beguiling and disarming about someone who admits all their flaws there's something you know and as you were talking about that i realized a big red flag for me is over sharing too much too soon and trauma bonding so if you're if you're on a first date i should not know about all your abuse as a child i should not know this stuff like i've got a lot of that stuff too and it's taken me a long time to realize i don't need to lead with that because what i'm trying to subconsciously do is avoid abandonment by getting you to pity me somehow so i'm going to tell you all the horrible things that ever happened to me so you feel sorry for me because i don't think i'm enough unless i'm damaged or broken i think that's what's interesting about me because i'm insecure about this conversation so i'm going to try to be interesting by saying all the awful things that happen to me and then i'm going to overexpose myself so i feel even worse if you don't want to keep seeing me i'm now gonna feel like disgusting and super rejected i'm setting myself up for an even bigger disappointment but it's like subconsciously my way of trying to sink my hooks into you so that you won't abandon me by over sharing you know and i've been in so many relationships where we just overshared way too much entrenched in the beginning conflated love and pity trauma bonded well you're creating a false sense of intimacy that's right you're like if you know all of this about me now we're really close that's right and the only thing that creates closeness is just time that's right like time and then trust builds into that you know but it's yeah you know what i was thinking this is not a red flag but um but something within me that's probably red flag for somebody else yeah but i was like like i wish i was more interesting like i wish i had more you talk about like you're like want to say all this stuff about your childhood and maybe really interesting i'm like i don't like like i don't know art i really don't like you you know what francois francois de love you know very sponsored uh i know how to say like um oh i love the use of negative space me too i know how to do this oh i love how they collapse three dimensions into two i love the use of negative space and i just use that every place i go oh my god i love the use of negative space here and they look at me i'm like i know oh my god i love i don't the use of negative space i'm not a big art person but a guy took me to mocha is that the museum of modern contemporary art downtown in l.a and i only know art based on how expensive it is based same with wine i only know if wine is good based on how pretty the label is that i'm trash period yeah and we went to mocha and at every painting i asked the security guard i was like how much is this oh my god and they're like they're like priceless it's at the mocha they're like we don't know i haven't said can we google how much this costs like and then they're like it's 80 million dollars i'm like oh this must be good i just don't i don't underst i remember being at i remember it you know i grew up in oklahoma and i'm not i grew up in japan but went to school in oklahoma and i remember doing college went down to dallas to whatever their big museum is there that's how non-artsy i am i don't know what it is and i remember seeing this painting it was just red my best friend in college she's an architect major and she loves art um she's really smart she's one of those people that says negative space but knows what he's known about but there's actually negative space i i'm a devil's advocate i like positive space yeah i'm looking at a where's waldo and i'm like i love the use of negative space um and she goes um so i'm looking at it and i'm like see i don't get this yeah like i can do this i can do this and i can sit outside this motherfucking museum and be like mine are just 25 grand to pop y'all if you want this that's 80 million in there i love that as soon as you went to dallas you said yeah no it comes out of me and she was like no the reason why it's so difficult and why this is such a piece of art is because you know to do this there's no paint strokes there's no it's like it's it's all the symmetry and it's just evenly painted he just did the whole thing and i was like still like yeah i don't see i think that's actually more interesting that i don't know yeah that you're just kind of like i don't like it true it's refreshing it's refreshing but after a while like that's my that's my thing and every dinner i think it'd be like pick you guys i don't want that thing and they're gonna be like okay olivia they're gonna be like oh do you guys see the new um you know david mayment play and i'm like i mean as an actress i'm like i don't really i'm just like oh i'm like who's mammoth i gotta only by the way don't know a mammoth i mean i'm an actor who like isn't that artsy but i really fucking try to pretend you know like um david harbor we were in the newsroom together so we're friends and yeah back in the day i remember he i was like he was like oh they're doing this uh play like a shakespeare in the park or whatever and i was like oh we should go see it he's like yeah you want to let's go i was like cool i was like so um this play i heard it's on at this time do you want to go he's like great we'll meet you there he's like you got it you're good i'm like yeah yeah i'll meet you there we get there and he was like so he's like you get the tickets i was like oh no i thought we'd just get them here and he's like olivia i was like what he's like it's shakespeare in the park and it's this play with these people and i was like those people are the people want to come see them and he was like yeah and it's this play and i'm like and that's a big play huh and he was like he's like and there's no more tickets because he's like hold on so because he's because he's very artsy yeah he knows the whole world he's like hold on he goes around he gets sneaks us in they put us in the back and i was like oh and that was a time when i felt like oh i'm real i'm a dumb dumb but here's no no no i'm also i think the most interesting people are the ones that are able to say like i get why that was good 300 years ago but we since have more interesting shit but see i can't find the since interesting shit though either i'm with you i ca i can't the old one or the new one oh yeah that's shakespeare is fucking boring it's it wasn't boring when it was the only shit to watch i get yeah it was interesting back then it's not that fucking interesting i've been to shakespeare in the park there's like bugs but what's interesting ufc that is shakespeare talk about it riveting people just like beating the shit out of each other the edge of my seat there's blood there's broken bones i mean yeah i'm also like i i think it's just to be able to like it even there sorry not to even then i love usc and even then i can't hold a conversation about how in-depth it is and maybe it's just because i can't really get into anything for too long to i feel like i can't hold a con i mean i can hold a conversation about like the shit that i've gotta i've been i put into fires yeah but like i really don't think i can really like hold a really long conversation why should you have to yeah you don't have to you're why yeah you're you i mean that's the other thing is that i feel like there's this this half the time people can quote hold a conversation they're being full of shit anyway like like when i i was talking to someone about about woody allen the other day because i have never liked woody allen movies i don't think they're fucking funny i've never thought they were good even before the shit came out about him i didn't think his stand-up was funny i've always been in fights about this i do not think men being weak and scared is funny i think it's fun he's a fucking pussy i've never like you know dan keaton is amazing in annie hall he's brilliant at casting and getting great performers i've never thought any and and if you love new york it's all a love letter in new york i get it but i've never and i was like fighting with someone about this and they're like but it's so big and i was like do you really believe this are you just saying this because you think you're supposed to condition and you heard it it sounds good it sounds good yeah like i think we're all just like so full of shit you know and i think it's important when you're able to go like do i really believe that or am i just like trying to fit in or trying to make people like me are trying to seem smart to me the most interesting people are the people like i don't get that i just i don't get it it doesn't do anything for me you've just met your most interesting i was gonna say i love you i don't know i remember with like like david lynch i did that i remember running around being like it's so genius and then i'm talking to other people because i went you know i minored in film we're like this is so genius and then i remember being like why is it genius like can someone just explain it to me and everyone was like wait oh no it's like like citizen ruth is fucking genius and blue velvet is is i now understand yeah but at the time i was just like are we all so insecure that we're pretending like i kind of want to put out um like i think david lynch should just put out a total nonsense movie and just watch critics say it's the most brilliant thing ever just because everyone's so afraid to say they don't understand something yeah okay taking another break from our lovely conversation with olivia munn what a dream what a dream boat she is icon legends i love on this podcast that we talk about therapy people really enjoy it and i appreciate that people let me be so open and authentic and vulnerable about the fact that i need help good help better help frankly better help heard of it heard of it love it we do bet we love better help because here at good for you we don't pretend to be okay we are broken we are a shattered uh mere suggestion of a person we are hanging by a thread and we admit that what would you talk to a therapist about i i mean i'm perfect i was just i think right now i've been lonely what if i started crying in the better health ad no i've just it's it's lonely and i think also the amount of anger that i'm seeing around people because there's a lot of uncertainty we don't know if schools are going to open we don't know when we're going to be able to get back to normal and i'm seeing a lot of like anger and pain come up and when i see people in the grocery store yell at each other at masks i want to interfere but i know i can't i have to mind my business yours are different than mine what are yours what are you going to do you know i would like to talk to theirs about why i cry every time i listen to a kelly clarkson song even the empowering ones or why i'm still torn up about the ending of a walk to remember her name should be kelly catharsis that's a good one we love that we love better help there's a broad range of expertise available which may not be locally available in many areas it's not a crisis line it's not self-help this is professional counseling done securely online i also just wrote better help into a script yeah you did i did i did script there's a whole script that i'm working on and better help is in it betterhelp is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches they make it easy and free to change counselors it's so great because you can just do it in the privacy the comfort of your own home you don't have to drive to a therapist office and find parking and feed the meter and then you can't find a quarter and then the meter runs out and then you just got a ticket for going to therapy and then you're like to the universe you're like i guess you don't want me to go to therapy and then you stay crazy better help solves all of that rigmarole started communicating in under 48 hours i can't even get you to text me back in that amount of time that's correct why don't you talk to your better help counselor about that because i feel some resentment coming at me betterhelp.com whitney that's better h-e-l-p and join the over 1 million people that's awesome taking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional in fact so many people have been using betterhelp that they're recruiting additional counselors in all 50 states special offer to good for you listeners where you get 10 off your first month at betterhelp.com whitney uh we love thrive you are i'm obsessed i'm obsessed i love thrive too but no one loves thrive as much as you yeah because i'm a weirdo i i'm a weirdo with the stuff that i put in my body yeah we ordered crazy we order sunflower seeds cheese doodles grape seed oil wine lavender it looks like we're witches alcoholic witches with a child but this thrive what i love about this company is they deliver organic sustainable groceries right to your door when i send men to get groceries he comes back with nothing i want the grocery store is an adventure for me okay you you never get me what i asked for this is this company does uh it is true when i ask him to go get me um vegetables he'll come back with these no he kept he'll go back with his like nasty like passive aggressive sliced mushrooms i'm like what are you what am i going to do with these remember you'll come back with just like celery i'm like i don't want any of this like so i love thrive because you can essentially go in and um say the kind of stuff that you like and what your dietary restrictions are and then they only show you products that are what you like yeah because i hate it when you buy something you're like oh god i can't eat this it has darian or i can't you know when it's already gotten home and you eat it anyway because you have no self-control and then it's just you're full of shame and it's a whole nightmare this is where i get that i discovered that avocado oil i am now obsessed with cooking with avocado oil the little almond coffees that i have you're obsessed with i i drink them all day the grape seed oil i put on my face i even get from here everybody asks me where i get my my luminous glow it's from the grape seed oil that i get on thrive and the hundred cheese puffs you eat i do eat lots of organic cheese puffs it's like it's like i have a two year old i just put them in a ziplock bag and i put them in your purse and set you off to work as a member uh you'll also save 25 to 50 percent off traditional retail prices which is amazing i cannot stand it when kale chips are like 12 carbon neutral shipping is free on orders over 49 that's awesome thrive market tailors to 70 different diets and values whether you're paleo keto plant-based delivering the highest quality organic and sustainable essentials from groceries healthy snacks meat seafood clean wines love it non-toxic cleaning bath and body everything you need is here the savings i get on my favorite clean organic products are awesome i just also feel good about helping to support communities in need in addition to membership matching thrive market raised over 750 000 to date through their covid 19 relief fund which is incredible awesome go to thrivemarket.com good for you join today and you'll get a free gift of your choosing up to 22 dollars in value thrive t-h-r-i-v-e market dot com slash good for you start your risk-free membership and get a free gift today thrive market dot com slash good for you once you've made a decision that something or someone is amazing yeah it's really that's hard for them to fall yeah so it's like you want to keep you want to support them because it's like not them you can't you know it's real that's that's why people you know that's why some people are able to you know skirt around some things because people don't want them to fall yeah it takes a lot i mean same thing with like um in relationships i was just today my girlfriend was telling me about a friend of hers who caught her boyfriend cheating and all that and he said he wasn't and she's still staying with him and i said well she's like she just wants to believe i said well what she what she's what when what she's hearing is i'm leaving you and not um like i cheat on you so what she wants to hear instead of him saying i didn't cheat on you i can't believe that she believes him because he she knows she caught him she saw him with the girl like yeah but what she's not she's hearing is i didn't cheat on you she's not hearing that she's what she's hearing is i'm not going to leave you because for whatever reason in her head she he needs to be this person for her right now it's too much and i said you gotta she's like what should i do as a friend i said you gotta let her write it out because she's not emotionally able to take the idea of him leaving her that's right and so you got a letter even i've told a friend that her person was cheating on her too soon ruined our friendship oh i thought i was like being the big hero coming in telling her the truth i would want to know and it was like destroyed our friendship i wish i would always want to know right i'm i'm the girl tell me everything even if i'm crying afterwards remember like you have to tell me i'll be so much more upset later i'm like i just i like to know like the truth that's what you it's like it's taken me so long as an adult to realize you just have to find your tribe of people that think like you because if you're in friendships where like you're the type of person that wants to know and they're the type of person that's like doesn't want to it's just like it's not sustainable i have a friend who i like well i have friends who like well one friend well she'll ask me something and i'll literally say like do you want to hear the truth or do you want oh and she'll and she'll because she knows me so well i'm like do you wanna hear what i really think or do you want me to just tell you something that will make you feel good and she goes sometimes she'll be like just tell me something makes me feel yeah yeah like okay great but like she's also a friend that's like if these jeans don't look good on her she doesn't want to know she'll get annoyed with you but with me i'm like you tell me if it makes my ass look flat or makes my ass look weird or whatever like tell me that those pockets are like what what are people doing with pockets now like it's very specific like yeah so like i want to oh if i came over here and i thought i looked great and you're like olivia don't wear those jeans again i'd be like thank you you look too good and it's hurting my feelings no well i'd always want to know that i do when um friends of mine call me to talk about relationships it's taken me 37 years to figure out but i go do you want to talk about the problem or do you want to solve the problem and most of the time it's like oh i just want to talk about it it's like great at least i know what gear to be in i'm listening do you want me to listen and just fucking bitch with you or do you actually want to work towards a solution i need to know so that i don't end up codependence doesn't start breeding resentment where i'm like i was on the phone with you trying to solve this i don't want to fuck up my friendship i don't know i am one time i was with my girlfriends like um some for my three of my closest girlfriends and i said um i was looking around i said you know what like what they each bring i go my my oh my one friend um kara she's like kind of like my resident guy she thinks like a guy she operates so if you ever like what was he thinking or what should i do she's like that's she's the one who can help you my girlfriend brooke she's like always down to do whatever like you know if you know i always want to sing at home and eat ice cream okay let's do that let's go out to a bar okay let's do that like she's always cool um my other girlfriend jessica she's got ocd like me and we can just sit at home and then we can kind of just like you know do nothing and kind of get your ocd or she can help me clean up everything yeah so she's so i'm like i see what i i see what you guys each bring to my life but like what do i bring to yours like i'm like what what friend am i like oh my yeah who am i what am i bringing because i see how they're staying and um my friend brook goes whenever anything happens to any of us the first thing you ask is what do you want and i was like oh she's like so if her boyfriend break up i don't judge i'm not i'm just go what do you want you want to get him back even if i think he's an asshole or do you want to make him suffer or what what do you want even though i don't agree with it as long as it's legal i will help you get there you want to go drive by we want to hack into his shit like let's figure this out we want to go find that girl what do you want you want to call his mom let's call his mom what do you want that's me and i like and i'm not telling you i'm not telling you what to want i'm going to help you get whatever it is yeah and then later on we'll deal with like the you know ethics of it right now we don't have time for ethics what do you want because like you know that's like a thing i was like that means okay that's that made me feel good i'm like okay now i know i love that friend um now the most important question of the podcast what do you do to your skin i see shawnee darden um do you know shawnee just a fan didn't we try to get an appointment with shawnee darden yes no dice um during the difference yeah it happened right whenever we were getting the emails back so you dropped the ball no i didn't drop the ball the email said you can't come in that's what i'm saying my vagina was too far back she wouldn't accept me i also do ulthera i did ulthera it's why don't i look like you oh my god oh look my i'm hoping i need to do it more on my neck ulthera is a laser that hurts like oh fuck but it's one of the most painful things ever oh truly truly of it if you find the right per so the what ulthera does is it it's a laser that it goes deep into the bottom of your skin and like where like if they were to do a facelift somebody explain this to me if they do a facelift they open up your skin and then they cauterize underneath which then creates collagen which then like fills it up and so this laser is just on the it's topical so it's on the outside so that laser goes as far down as like if they were doing a facelift right so it goes that far down but in order to get that same effect they have to be in the same spot 50 times like 50 spots like zap you that many times and it it's literally torture it it it's like something holds a hot iron that's in your face that's right and it um has to damage the bottom leave your skin so much that it starts to produce more collagen like it's a trauma to your face yeah i did it two or three times over like maybe like three years or something and i took two vicodin i had to smoke weed because i was getting like physically violent with the person that was doing it and then the thing is like this so when they're doing it you can't say stop because they have to keep doing it oh until because they need to create that burn down there you can't stop and go so that's why you have to go 50 if it says 50 times right there you got to hold on now if you have the wrong person so it's interesting because um i was looking at the machine i had somebody show me once and like playing video games like i i was able to see like oh it's kind of like a video game i'm like you have to go i tell the person myself because you have your nerves that come through and you see on the screen there's like this black line and there's a white line and you can see where the nerve comes through and they just have to find it in this right space where the nerve isn't there and then once you see it i'm like now you now go now go now go so i go i will guide them so that's why it hurts so much because you have the woman you're just going over your face and just doing it over and over but your your your face is like moving around and and your nerves are jumping because it's like you know yeah so i watched the screen and be like go here stop stop stop stop like whack-a-mole yeah it is it's like a little video game you got to go it's okay now it's right there but it is it was a huge help yeah but the topical lasers a lot of people asked me about this because my face is so fucking shiny the topical lasers i found thin my skin they say did you ever do um a flaxsell broccoli well i never thought well no the thing if you ever do people do um like acid peels and things like that yeah because when you do too many peels on your skin or even just one you're um you actually strip your pores off so your oil doesn't have anywhere to go and underneath that's why people's skin looks too shiny and that's why this oil stays on top you have to be really careful too many times of like stripping your skin off your the top because that's why you see these older women and they all look shiny and then the thing is they think they look young but just everybody ends up looking old because they all look that it's like a super old lizard yeah you have to be really careful about how much you strip your skin and when you do these topical lasers like the what's it called um fraxel fracture there's another one um uh laser bright some shit it takes the hair off your face and that makes your face shinier as well why do you it's like takes off the top what is it called um laser out of the laser i've done it it's like to get off sun spots and stuff like that i would always do it photo photo facial is this real photo facial it was in a mini mall like photosynthesis in resida it was it's whatever the topical thing that takes off the dead skin cells on top yeah i've done uh bbl broadband light treatment which is spot treatment on my sunspots that was a huge difference that's good because i actually since covid i haven't done it in like and i can tell like i've you know been out in the sun more or whatever but like that brightens up your face a lot more than just doing your whole fucking face your skin is wild really so good oh my god thank you so much so so beautiful do you have any like major products you love besides shani but she sells products yeah she starts selling products yeah um i i've been kind of obsessed with the like honest beauty oil and then this uh the other skincare line called mara and she's got a lot of really interesting like creams and bombs um that korean lip thing yes yes benton got this for me i have it beside my bed and i kind of make my own body lotions like with kind of like coconut oil and like different stuff like that nice um just because not only during pandemic because i was bored because i'm looking at people like full amish oh my god people are doing so much on instagram and i was like it's sad i mean it's hard to watch it is hard to watch it's hard to watch frankly it's really can i tell you something and and i know i have to let you go i must command you you say that because you need me i don't know but i know you keep saying that i keep saying i'm cool and i feel like you really want to leave no i'm having so much fun and i'm just codependently worried that i'm like like bothering you but it's a pandemic so where the fuck are you going to go yeah i've got nowhere to go i'm so excited um you're not going to an art museum you don't care yeah no i'm going to the moca they have a great use of negative space they have a sale on the painting on the negative space your social media is one of the few that doesn't bother me really yeah tell me more because i'm like that's an anxiety there's a lot of people on social media and i don't know if it's just because the pandemic and people are being removed from their ability their their isms and their drugs people are not getting attention the way they normally do people are getting desperate for attention especially performers they're not able to go on stage they're not able to act or do whatever the thing is that gets them their fill of you know ego boost i've i've definitely there's i've had to mute a lot of people that i love in the last couple months because of the lives and the i'm all of a sudden a chef and i'm all of a sudden you know it's just i i always am like she nails it really that makes me feel so good i get anxiety with the glam shots because but you are fucking fuck you man you're adorable about it she posts like the ones that aren't this stupid like water in a cave and you're like oh what is she doing but no but she'll have like this gorgeous glamour shot and then she'll post like the ones that where she's like really stupid her eyes closed or where because most of them are that yeah yeah like the ones where she tried because to get one good photo you take 50 shitty ones well that makes me feel better that you appeal that because like i when i go through the pictures i'm like i think i try not i i i try not to be too impressionable but i think that social media has ingrained in me that the dead eye look is the look like i'm like so if you look through all my fucking pictures oh my where i think that all my look is just like it's all dead-eyed or like i just like i just i just saw a deer your eye your eyes are negative space yes um it's just like i look at them and i'm like oh my god i can't oh oh i'm looking through it makes me embarrassed right now because i look oh yeah i don't think i want to show you i don't think that's why you know you guys are instagramming no no no i'm looking for the pictures i took today before i came over i'm not embarrassing i can't i can't even are you gonna post that i'll post something but it'll be the ones that are less like when you see them i'll show you an embarrassment but no no no it's not just one it's a collective when you look at how many i did and how like the amount in the different poses have to deal with your psylocke sword when you hit that painting yeah see that was like the first time i did it i was like and i tried to do more if i was like you know what this is the one i'm like i i'm like i fucked up whatever move on i hurt the frame of my artwork i'll show you an embarrassing one oh my god this is me in palm springs trying to take like a chill selfie but so how many so my thing is this that one's okay but one's okay i did three i did three and then i realized they weren't going do you have a home in palm springs and i stopped no this was me visiting tim dillon a friend of mine but i i usually give up after two after three i know there's we're not getting anywhere okay so my thing is i'm trying to do the pose here we go here we go wait wait wait there's there's oh here's a grid wait but is that for we know those aren't your glam ones those are you like showing something on your skin i was like showing off my white eyeliner and i took a lot oh i take her glam ones that's why benton handles my social but here's the thing about the one they're too close to like hold on whitney loves the phone right up in the face no but you gotta like do this thing this one this arrow thing will make it go out a little bit more so if you go really say look if you go really close look at that and then that arrow won't just like won't make your your everything look yeah but like this is i was actually this is you know when you like look at your phone and you're consumed with shame because you were trying to take one photo and you had to take 50 and you still don't have a good one oh so well this is better so my problem is i'm i'm you know your angle you i think you you sort of hold it up a little bit um yeah i do i there's a there's 7 30 um p.m i get some good light and it's above me i'm not kidding either no but here's the thing is that i am not an influencer and i am not a reality star i am an actor and i try and i'm like yeah yeah i i'm so influenced by how they post and then i'm like and i'm like what are you doing olivia and then i'm like i just wanted to look i'm like i wanted to look like you just caught me you're an influencer but like i'm like but no one's caught me it's a selfie i'm like your arms i know and i'm just like oop me why i'm trying to be cute like i'm like these girls like you know i like i look at kendall jenners and she's like palm springs with my bathing suit and i'm like me too you're an influencer whether you want to be or not but but look i don't know but if i try to i cannot keep up with the kardashians like for real it is so funny when we take selfies of ourselves and try to pretend we don't know we're taking them you guys most of the time i'll tell you this i'm going to show you this but look on my face i'm going to zoom in on this one you're going to see it from afar it looks like this oh no all right it looks like i'm just like from a pharmacy but if you look at my eyes cute look at my dead eyes you can see that right i'm like this this is what it looks like over zombie you look like a wax figure my face my look see how i'm smiling but my eyes are like please tell me this worked i guess please tell me this works do you have your phone on a self-timer by the way i do but this one i love that that's the person i used to see at parties 15 years ago oh she's so confident she's sent together if you came closer to me you would be like her eyes oh my gosh and by the way this is most of it is me going like this like did i do it most of them are this one of me and the timers going off and so i'm just like is this but i can't post that because it's really cute though wait well there was a lot of them then there was this one then i thought then i then i thought i'm just going to walk you through it then i off my then somebody walked in to the door and then i saw the the on the self timer oh that might have been cute oh something so i'm like hey i thought maybe i'll do a pointed one and then i was like oh my god you said and then i'll be going over here then i'm like i'm gonna be pointing at my house and then i thought you know what i can't do this so now i'm i came up with my caption i was like i'm gonna be i'm gonna post a caption says i'm pointing at nothing but then they all just came out stupid because then the joke was not that funny after like 20 photos and it's just it's so demoralizing it really is but i like that you show sort of the all the evidence and emotional detritus involved in taking one celebrity selfie that's so glamorous you show all the weird like awkward ones that go along with it most of the time my face looks like this did that work i mean is it working it's horrible just the panic oh the worst is when you have to like make yourself laugh for a picture and try to look like it's a genuine laugh oh yeah i got those in here too hold on you like try to just crack yourself up so it looks like an organic laugh and you're just like oh god i hate myself well then i'm trying to show the outfit oh wait here we go hold on this is let me show you this is probably my most humiliating one so i did a a partnership with caulipower pizza this is the number of photos that benton had to take of me oh my god it's because i had to keep going joy joy you're happy you look so pretty you do you do her makeup right no sometimes sometimes i do but usually usually but it's so pretty i do this occasionally for fun but who did this she'll slap it on that's me but it's very that's very nice uh what uh like you were coming today you didn't add you look like you he's an ad yeah no no i just sit around with then i leave the pizza box out you know like don't you you know the thing about people asking you to do ads it's like don't you think it's more influential if they like let you put the the box upside down and like make it look more natural they're like no place the box like this i actually don't do it i have a theory about that i know you pass on everything i know that's the only reason i get anything is because you fucking pass i pass on this cauliflower big vegan people thank you thank you for passing so other other people get crumbs i really appreciate it but i'm not living in this you're like ridiculous like you own topanga canyon i did you're right i don't own tabanga can you literally bought it with vegan pizza i have yeah with all of the crumbs you've thrown me i have managed to build a real estate empire so what were you saying woman's trash another person canyon i'm trying to look my phone photos are all dogs and videos of you ben oh god this is pretty embarrassing oh god you know when you try to do a selfie oh god this is me and my dog here's another chunk of selfies i tried to do like a burst here's the interesting thing right a selfie no longer is just um for why is your face so shiny that you have a mask on like it's like overly shiny right right this is what my face looks like before i go to bed what do you put on it i lube it up in oil like snail yeah it's i i put on grape seed oil i put on this oil that you're getting in your gift bag called what are you doing okay don't sweat too much jesus oil mom has been sending some nudes in quarantine it might be easy with the swiping olivia wait so but but the interesting thing is when you take those you were taking them to for yourself or you're taking them to post i don't know she will post some this look how fucking shiny i look i look bat shit crazy okay here's wait look at this i'm covered you've seen this this is the worst one when i'm like i'm acting as if i'm taking like i'm in a photo shoot in my own home when it clearly is on self-timer like it's more pathetic because is that a drawing of the guy from um a six-fingered man it is that's amigo montoya a friend drew that for me that's amazing yeah weird good eye thank you i was looking at your butt i mean and then you scroll down and i scroll down there it is okay so this is it's just so humiliating to go through your photo it really is bringing up a lot this is one i probably will post because it's just like look like but i'm like i look this is me it's not supposed to be gorgeous so how many oh god you oh sorry i didn't look at your face actually it's gorgeous but you look um like you're having either a seizure or an orgasm both what um how many photos does it take to get like the selfie oh wait wait oh oh my god okay so many before benton did one i had to do this is actually the most embarrassing thing in my phone more embarrassing than nudes more embarrassing than pretty much everything this is me trying to do the first round of photos of me posing with a pizza oh no oh there there's so many in your fridge it's as if there's nothing else that you eat is that part of the ad you know they tell you all these things that you can't i had to wear green they said you had to wear green yeah they preferred it but to be fair she does eat those pizzas i really i mean i had them so i was like i meant as well do you still have them yeah cauli power but look at how many photos i took and i don't think i posted any of them you know what i like to do hold on i like this one i can see i'm gonna hold it we're gonna get the live action oh i love that watching her just oh that was like a oh then the mouth comes open at this point oh yeah there it is it's alive but it goes this and then she's going to uh sometimes you'll see when you listen to the picture and if you hold it down she'll go you see me at the end of it she'll go yeah what if they just let us take what we really want to take it's just like us with the cash i just pizza done um okay last thing last thing i swear i'm gonna ask you is do you have any money advice for people i always like to ask people money advice i always say uh put away 30 of your paycheck because you don't have it if you make a hundred dollars you did not make a hundred dollars she made seventy dollars right cause you're gonna have to pay taxes later took me a long time to figure that out do you have any like things you wish you would learn when you were younger about money well i think the best piece of advice i could give about money is it's not how much you make it's how much you save people are spending way too much and we're wanting to buy these so much you know like you want to keep up with people i want to have this i want to it's like it's not how much you make it's how much you save you can make a ton and you can spend it on a lot of crap you know all that really matters how much you have in your bank account how much you can like you know like take care of yourself so the reason why i do say no to a lot of things is because um i save my money i'm like i'm a big saver i always have been and i don't like i don't need like all these multiple homes yet yeah um i just don't see that need right now and uh and so i save all my money so that i i just learned early on or i believed early on that if i saved my money i would never have to take a job just to pay my bills i want to be able to have my artistic integrity and you know that's what my money is being saved for so that i can make artistic decisions based on whatever i want to do not what i have to do and by the way that means i can take a risk here and there or i can say no to things and i mean the other day i said you know right before the pandemic i said no to something like it was a lot of money but there was just too many variables it looked really great it was a really great project and i loved everything about it um but the executive producer who wrote the first two episodes that i read were it was amazing he's amazing but he wasn't going to keep writing them after that he's going to be executive producer but there's going to be somebody else writing after that and i just was like i just didn't think that i could sign up for something that i didn't know who was going to be writing after that and so my worst case scenario was not this show um bombing um it was it being moderately successful and i have to do it for six years yeah and so then i'm on this show that i think starts off really great i think it's really interesting but i just don't know who would be who am i signing on yeah or on the third episode and from then on and then and then i'd make so much money and i mean everybody was like i had to head to the studio call and be like hey do you know you're gonna like we're talking you're like yeah they're like in a few years you're gonna be you know here but i think people don't understand when they say like you're gonna make all this money it's like but i'm gonna be working all that i'm not gonna be spending it i'm gonna be spending you know eight months in vancouver from seven a.m to midnight like it's just sort of like what about my time right and i think that but as an actor i if it was like if it was the newsroom again with aaron sorkin and they said olivia for the next you know 10 months a year you're going to be doing sloane sabbath with aaron sorkin until the day you die i'd sign up mm-hmm i'd be like that's because i cuz that was just it fulfilled me so much i loved it so much if this show was like it's going to be this this quality this we promise you it's with this this writer this show runner this then i would have done it but um like i had to i was like i don't i don't know like i might you know the time is all we have yeah that's i think that's the biggest thing about money that i think the best thing about money is that it gives us time you know when you have money you can um travel better and get places faster you can have better food we know we can have better medical care if you know unfortunately in this country that's how it's like and you know it just allows us to have time and choices which is like it might not be about you know for a lot of people like it might not be about a future artistic integrity it also might be like the power to be able to like leave a bad relationship if you want to you know it's being able to have future freedom and that's time though so like how how i spend my time while i'm here that's that's on me if i have the money to support myself and my family and to do whatever i need then um i can if i start selling out or doing things that are just for a paycheck um i believe that soon it will be one of the last paychecks i cash so if i'm just doing things that i like you know even if it's a it's a miss you know um it's something that's fulfilling me in some way i'm spending my time here the way that i want to spend it you know none of us get out of here alive so you know it's the truth oh why have i never thought about that before yeah i've never thought about it that way well none of us none of us do so it's like while we're here like make it count for you i mean it was interesting i was talking to a friend of mine the other day one of my best friends from college lizzie goodman brilliant journalist and writer and she said something i was like talking about something and i couldn't make a choice and i was like should i take this job or should i do this thing and she just goes well we're dying so what do you think like it just was like oh my god we're fucking dying i do feel like i should be doing more i feel that all the time yeah i should be doing more i feel like i should be doing more activism i feel like i should be doing more for my career i feel like i should be doing more for my family i feel like i should be doing more for my dogs i feel like i'm always feeling like i should i should have done more i could have done more and i think that's because anxiety comes over me and then i don't do stuff and then when i finally feel like i can do this then eventually this guilt comes in oh i wasted all that time before and i wish i'd done this and it's like this weird cycle and so now it's like if i think about my my girlfriends who can't be anxious over how much time they lost anymore because it's just done i you know want to learn that lesson permanently that i need to to just accept my time and accept everything that's coming my way and just do the best just try my best i really feel like it's the people that do the most that don't think they do enough it's always that it's always that it's like the fact that you're sitting here saying like i wish i could do more meanwhile i know so many people that haven't lifted a fucking figure when it comes to anything you know and i think that i think you know we have to and it's so hard for me to remember like we have to recharge ourselves like in order to give like our cup has to be full you know like i always feel so guilty taking care of myself i always feel so guilty i mean benton knows i'm like obsessed about my self-care and taking naps and like you know protecting my time and it's like so that i can show up 100 in other ways and rescue animals and whatever i do because i know that i just i can't be effective at it well you were so good when we had those fires you know and then instead of malibu and i was just i was like i'm gonna reach out to you and then i always just know that i'm like okay i can do this but i sat there going i mean truth i was like thank god there's people like whitney because i don't know i'm frozen and i don't know what to do i mean i'm here i mean but i don't know i'm like but you are the kind of person like with with the fires you were like i'm gonna get my car i don't know what the fuck i'm doing but i'm gonna just like you went right into it where for me i'm like oh my god i don't know what to do i'll be here be available and that felt like i was like god i wish i knew how to you were so awesome like this was uh for those of you that don't know a couple years ago well it was last year there were huge fires in california and animals were trapped and people's homes were lost i mean it was just a nightmare and my thing is like i'm not good at everything but when the fires happened that is where i shine like like time of crisis animals like that's what i know how to do like i grew up with horses i'm a horse person like i know how to get horses on trailers like i know what to do so and i also was in a fire as a kid and wow to me a lot i haven't really talked about that publicly but when fire happens there's just like i'm just in like you tell that story it's a how old were you it's such a weird story i was about seven and every night i slept in this nightgown and when people ask me they're like have you always been into animals and you always loved animals and i i like never know when it started but when i think of the story i realized i was wearing a very long black t-shirt that was like a pajama t-shirt that said world wildlife federation and it had animals on it and i wore it all the time like i was just already you know i grew up like you know sexual assault as a kid a lot of times you connect to animals because they're helpless and they're voiceless and they're innocent and it's just like a so maybe it was that um i grew up around a lot of alcoholics but my aunts lived on a farm and animals they don't lie they don't manipulate they don't use you they don't exploit you like i just always connected with animals and their innocence and their integrity so i remember because i was wearing that and i'm not i hope this doesn't get me any sympathy i don't want it but i remember my dad never paid the electric bill like our family was very much keeping up with the joneses it was like have a nice car but don't get groceries like spending money on all the wrong things you know like keeping up appearances but not like taking care of the basics so it's like the electricity bill wasn't paid and it was the middle of winter and it wasn't i didn't know at the time this was weird you don't know what's weird when you're a kid yeah you know it's like i remember just going to friends houses and being like whoa look at all this shit in your fridge like what are you what's all what is all this like why would you have all this in here it's gonna go bad like i just you acclimate to your environment you know and you make it work as a kid and we never had heat so i know this is gonna sound totally crazy i was seven i would get i would turn all the burners up on the stove and i used to get dressed on the stove every morning because that was cold wow which is like now that i look back it's like crazy to think about and um you were standing on the stove as the burners run yeah i would turn the burners on and then i would get dressed for school on the stove it sounds i know it's i know i had to i had to ask because i feel like people listening are like she did what it sounds like you're standing on top of a stove getting dressed with the burners on how are you standing on it if the burner's wrong because there's four burners and i would stand in the middle i mean i caught a fire went down so that's what happened that's why you know i don't know how to use a stove downstairs i have trauma around stoves well that's stuff downstairs good god okay wait so then so there were you know how like stoves used to have four burners yeah and i would turn the burners on and start heating up the room and then i would just like stand in the middle and get dressed i was little you know and i remember our cereal was right above it so i would like stand on the stove and like open it and then one day the black t-shirt just went up in flames oh my god and i have like scars on my legs and like burn scars and some on my hands and stuff and it was just it was what it was and whatever at the time you you don't know you're being traumatized when you're being traumatized i think are you just jumping through the fire part and it was what it was anyway so trauma is very difficult by the way it was we know about trump we all get trauma okay blah blah blah trauma trauma trauma it hurts you as an adult you never get get over it go back to the fire by the way that was my first ulthera appointment yeah i was like blah blah blah i know i've got trauma anyways how do i lose weight this is why my face is so shiny i kept catching on fire so wait your thing catches on fire you you cause because if you are a grown woman with with scar still that means it's a bad fire that happened to you it was not good it was not good and the and basically what happened was the thing caught on fire and then it sort of stuck to my legs so i just i remember there was black in my legs from the t-shirt you know what i mean and it was no big deal went to school you know who put you out me i just like figured it out that's why i have burn scars on my hands so for me like i grew up were you crying no that wasn't really acceptable did they kill you on the inside first i mean it was it was really were you scared i wasn't i grew up in a really dangerous environment where i have this emotional dyslexia where really dangerous situations i feel comfortable and safe in and then really safe environments i get because it's not what you grew up i get antsy yeah and a lot of people that grew up in that sort of like so for me for the longest time just hanging out one-on-one with a safe person made me anxious i'm like because you're always waiting for the shoe to drop right but when the shoes already dropped you don't have to worry i feel comfortable it feels comfortable because your disposition is fight or flight that's everything has to go up here and you're like oh then you're like cruising out there was a fire i was like yes i'm chilling like i know what to do i know and for me it's like i know what the enemy is i know what i'm fighting no one can gaslight me about this like it's very clear that this is the problem that needs to be solved yeah whereas for me i struggle in the uncertainty of life of is this bad is this person bad am i supposed to be doing this do i trust this person it's like everything is so ambiguous but when there's a very clear villain it's just like i know what to do i know where i'm supposed to be i spend so much of my life being like am i supposed to be here am i supposed to be doing this am i supposed to be working harder at this there's no uncertainty when there's a fire and there's something so calming about that to me because i know exactly where my body's supposed to be i know exactly who the bad guy is and i know what the truth is there's no ambiguous truth so i remember as soon as the fire happened i started driving out to the fire and it was so weird that no it was so weird to me that no one was going in that direction i remember there being like no one on the road and being like how come everyone's not running into the burning building like i am wait just to be clear when you caught on fire the child you caught on fire and then you what twirled around and were in your school clothes right just like i just like cinderella yeah you just burnt the clothes right off of you like yeah that's the lowest scar wow um the fact that you just that means there's such a really bad bird you didn't even go to the hospital no no we didn't do that what are we what what am i marie antoinette no one what am i well they killed what did i grow up in versailles no one else no one at the school was like what happened yes i got sent home from school so i went to school there we go and the teacher saw it and we're like you're going to the office and that was the first like you're going to the office and we're making calls and you're you're a different kid you're a kid that's like a problem you know or like your parents are a problem or whatever it was and that was the beginning of my fear of embarrassment and being different and feeling like i was um my biggest nightmare was being embarrassed which a lot of people theorize that the reason people become comedians is to control the way they're embarrassed so um so the fires it was like it was you know i'm also a fucking adrenaline junkie i don't really drink i don't really use drugs like this that's my you need fight or flight you're trying to put yourself back into that that's right just i i feel the most awake alive and good about myself when i am solving a problem that i'm sure is a problem so a lot of times i've spent a lot of my life solving problems that weren't real like men and people and trying to like fix people's lives and solve problems that i created myself for just like but like solving a real problem is uh you know when it comes to like the animal stuff i'm like i go out of body like i disassociate and kind of as crazy as this sounds like i just say what i think the animal would say if they could talk yeah you know and there's an a giraffe in malibu that wasn't evacuated they didn't have a trailer for it they're not feeding it the right food they don't have a license for it it's all fucking illegal it's all abuse and like i saw horses with gashes you know they were ripped open at this fucking saddle rock ranch malibu wines place and i went ape shit and yeah you know and so i just um i don't i it's just very clear to me that when someone abuses an animal like what are you doing to women and children well yeah you know if this is just what we see like what the fuck is going on behind the scenes you know and so i just like i don't like liars and i don't like um anyone that abuses animals like you're just it's a non-starter for me yeah that's like when you go if if i get taken you're like whatever happens that it like you it's okay i i trust it's there's something like yeah it's so true like i i mean if i see someone abusing their dog like i will fight with you till i can t i'm taking it like i have a hammer in my car to smash windows of people that leave their dogs in hot cars like i'm just that bitch and like i don't see the world i just can't imagine it any other way you know yeah it's just so clear to me that that that is and it's intolerable for me not to i can't tolerate it like if i see a dog in a hot car like i'm smashing the window i had a therapist tell me once he said you know it's interesting when it comes to activism your career your friendships you're extremely clear when it comes to relationships you get very unclear what is that yeah i think it's like an overdeveloped sense of for me responsibility and compassion where i think i need to rescue people and have the same amount of forgiveness and patience for people that i do for animals whereas like if i am dealing with a dog that comes from a dog fighting situation and they're nippy or they're barking or they're aggressive i forgive them i'm like i know exactly why you're the way you are of course you're like this you're scared this is all fear like it's so clear to me what's going on and then i take that over to humans and i'm like no you're 40. yeah you could have gone to therapy you could have fucking fixed this i don't need to be radically accepting yeah of your rage you should not be yelling at me in a parking lot you're 45 years old like pull it together like i'm overly forgiving when it comes to men and i also in relationships i think i have this um really uh just the fucking it's it's like disney 101 i have this thing where it's like i'm a weirdo if i'm not in a relationship i'm a spinster i've failed like there's just like that shit that comes up too which has just taken a long time to deprogram for me the pressure of like well i have to be with someone so i might as well be in something bad being in something bad is better than being alone well yeah it seems like it's like the the certain shitty path is much better than the uncertain path yeah you're like oh so this one this one is for sure shitty but i but i'm going this direction and i'll i'll eventually successfully die and then okay but this one could be happiness but we're not sure but it could be some bumps i mean but there's more happiness over here but there's going to be some i don't know what those bumps are i don't i don't know i don't like and then you start doing math and i'm not good at math so then i'm like by the time i leave this person and then i meet a new person that's going to be in two years and they're they're going to suck too so i might as well just like stick with this person and it's just like it's fucking hassle you know what i mean oh that's why i don't do math yeah don't just stay away stay away from the math um i love you so much i love you so much wait i have one last question okay i end these super awkwardly but you're not gonna let me um what are some of the other things that you thought of me back that you projected on to me i don't feel you ever finished it can i have a cashew can i eat a cashew yes just so you know the fans are gonna if they're almonds the fans get upset why they don't like because they just sound very like they're like an audio nightmare i guess there you go you're leaning back i was jealous of you when we they don't hate it that much i [Music] i'm not doing anything you don't have to leave the room or anything i when i first met you and first learned about you or like saw you i would see you at like meetings or like auditions or parties or something i was definitely jealous but in the beginning i think i was more sorry when i start laughing i can't see i'm not jealous of you now how the mighty have fallen your fucking mess i'm so comfortable that's nuts this is confident it does not know you were just this put together like classy beautiful like feminine just like portrait of perfection with no ostensible flaws still none [Music] do you really want to do this i 100 there's nothing else i want to do right now okay so i'll tell you the time i'll tell you the time well i do i have a really horrible habit of like laughing and spitting out nuts and well anything any of my mouth okay i also remember seeing you at ally larder's house and you were wearing jean cut off shorts and you looked so fucking cool really you're wearing jean cut off shorts like that goal all the time and like look cool and like a long cardigan and i remember being like this bitch wow like jean shorts and a long cardigan i never would have thought of that what's sad is that like that's still what i'm rocking i haven't changed it doesn't i don't think it's at school now but it like blew my mind and you were so every party i've ever seen you on i go in like there's like five people standing in a circle around you and you're just making them laugh and being hilarious and just like so cl this is my projection of you as an insecure person who's like walking into a party like all scared that you're just like holding court and making everybody laugh and everyone's like waiting in line to talk to you and i'm like an ogre in the corner like that's just and she's so confident and can like just walk into a party and talk to anybody and them that's crazy that's such a i wish that i hope that everybody else looks at me like that i hope that that's the same but i don't think they do and it was like a like uh it was just like in a mix of intimidation and awe and i don't get intimidated by people i don't really give a shit i just remember being like i don't have an in with like i don't know how to and then i always was like we i always thought like we should be friends but she can wear a cardigan and i don't know how to do that if you have a cashew right on your lips fine good i'm building my brand i have flaws i'm authentic it doesn't matter i'm not perfect fucking put you know what do it with your pussy out that little that thing that hangs out that you said this is what it looks like it's about this bitch no yours looks like this is what my vagina looks like no yours probably looks like it's more like it is kind of true no that is what it looks like you know hers looks like this no what is that a growth no that's even sticks out mine no it's like your vagina is like this it's like that no it's like it is like no it's like this what no no no if my lips are your vagina lips this is your thing why does my vagina have like a weird skin tag on it why can't it's round this is based off your description it literally looks like this i'm not even kidding but you have to look at it upside down hold on can you see this why are we trying to get in the mic as if hold on you know i'm trying to get in the camera so you're seeing it you're looking at me like this i feel like i should just step out and take the call from your publicist now they don't even know i'm doing this i just ate your vagina that's probably a good thing all right if i'm going to get a very stern email from them tomorrow so you want veneers you like your teeth but you're giving them the ears what are you gonna do you have i'm gonna i'm gonna go on record you have maybe my favorite set of teeth really yeah you have really good yeah you guys there's some of them are crooked on them no that's why that's why oh wow i agree somebody said once like one person on twitter that i think i remember they're like olivia went and got like veneers and i was like no i didn't but thank you for that that's when people tell me i got plastic surgery i'm like thank you so much in magic mike um there's a shot of me it's like um after channing and i my you know our characters had sex and then the the camera's coming up this way and i was watching that in the premiere and i had no idea i remember a long time ago dentist told me like well your teeth on on top they're a bit crooked if you wanted to fix that but i thought he's talking about the ones on the side that i was like i'm fine with that i don't mind he's like okay but then i saw with this weird shadow my teeth up here like one goes in more and if you need to go back and watch it and it just looks like i got just a crooked fence in my mouth my my i have this one tooth and i was on invisalign forever this one tooth i know it looks like nothing and i don't talk about it much because i don't want to be like i'm the person like pointing out my flaws like i i'm i'm good but i noticed it it's that too i'm just kidding it's this one it distracts from the lines on my neck this one in certain photos like on red carpets it looks like i'm missing this tooth like it casts a weird shadow and it looks like i'm missing a tooth so i haven't been wearing my invisalign but have you ever seen people whose teeth don't line up with their nose like this part doesn't line up never thought about it no no it's all i'm going to think about here whoa i know i noticed when people's eyebrows don't line up with this part of their eye like your eyebrow is supposed to if you take a pen here it's supposed to start here it's supposed to yes so i used to pluck my eyebrows like to hear and it makes you look crazy but it's supposed to line up to here i do notice symmetry of eyebrows but that's really it but i have wild teeth you have good teeth your teeth are like your teeth are excellent i like this one little snaggletooth on the right don't call us oh sorry like this one right here is so good i hate it when people do that they're like i love the your imperfections like i love how your teeth just started they started insulting you it's like people say to me they'll be like whitney like the backhand of conflicts would be like i love that you like don't even care what you look like i'm like i actually do thank you i love you actually you don't even care what you wear i'm like yeah i put a lot of thought and effort into this but thank you why can't we say things that you know you can't like i know you're not supposed to like nitpicking but about like things that it's not like it's obnoxious for you to if you were like i'm fat because you're not fat but like it should be okay that we're like i don't like this like my you know that my teeth look like this yes it should be okay like without people being like oh you're body shaming yourself and you're hurting us because i have that same crooked tooth it's like so what your crooked tooth looks nice does not i also i'm grandfathered in i'm 37. i'm allowed to not like myself i didn't have the inspirational quotes i didn't have jay shetty whatever i didn't have all the like i get to still have low self-esteem well that's a little far i don't have low self-esteem you know what i i what i realized something the difference between low self-esteem and low self-worth just interesting inch very interesting because i think low self-worth will keep you in um relationships that you shouldn't be in unlike but like but you can have high self-esteem and low self-worth that's right and you can have a lot of confidence and low self-esteem mm-hmm i just ate one nut and look how much smarter i got no and i think it's important that people realize with this self-esteem i always want to say remind people when people are like well how do you like get high self-esteem you have to do esteemable actions so it's also like a daily thing like a steam you don't just like have it or you don't work you can build it over time and you can't stay clean on the shower you took yesterday like what are you doing today for others to build your self-esteem and self-worth you know and that's like a daily practice wow i didn't know that yeah it seems exhausting you're not just like i have self-esteem and i'm done i'm fixed it's like every day like what are you doing like lying corrodes your self-esteem selfish actions corrode your self-esteem gossip corrodes your self-esteem like these are things that actively attack like death by a thousand cups your self-esteem and saying no to things that are beneath you builds your self-esteem like who's i talking to um oh yeah was that that person that was like she's like i don't know if i should go on this thing or not and i don't know and i was like say no to something that is abusive to you or destructive to you because that's how you build your self-worth when you stand up for yourself then you have get to have pride and self-esteem all right i love you we're gonna hang out don't ride elephants adopt don't shop you know the deal like comment subscribe oh jesus awesome also can you also throw in don't swim with dolphins in hotels yeah i don't i mean in hotels you know in all those fancy hotels it was like swim with dolphins those dolphins have been captured and they like live their life in these like you cannot you're late to that don't don't do that yeah yeah don't do that that's like one of the most horrible don't film with dolphins we're adding that don't worry yes sorry i know it's hard to have a lot and if you've already done it that's okay just don't do it again yeah and then take your pictures down so don't promote it yeah yeah exactly right also we have a lot of special treats coming out later you'll see them in the merch store oh god y'all have a merch store yeah yeah you want some merch what's in the merch excuse me i want to know i want to see what you all are making how like swampy i am what we're making love you guys thank you oh wait that's we're going [Applause]

Channel: Whitney Cummings

Views: 593,064

Keywords: whitney cummings, comedian, standup, female comic, female podcast, good for you podcast, podcast, stand up

Id: orh-MrSiq7Q

Length: 162min 5sec (9725 seconds)

Published: Sat Aug 08 2020