Ep #38: ESTHER POVITSKY | Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings

[Music] i but i get frustrated when someone i really love comes over and we start talking and i'm like save it but then i'm like what am i doing like we can always just repeat it but we were just we're gonna jump right into a conversation about her special which is out now yes on comedy central and i was just telling her how disgustingly jealous i am of her title because it's such a good title this is so nice of you tell me about it it's called hot for my name get it my name is esther pavitskiy and it's the ugliest name in the world my last name is coming so i'm not super compassionate but yes i see where you're coming from but then i was saying the title i love you for your sweat one of your specials is so weird because i don't really like the funny punny titles like i'm not really into that i'm not a pun person but just having your special be called i love you and then the imagery that you use is so psychotic i'm like oh whitney's crazy that's what it is that's that's what's funny about her my second but yes my second special was called i love you and i wanted it to be really ominous and aggressive and i scare every man yeah totally i was just like i wanna be alone forever how do i figure this out i had just gone through a really bad breakup and i was still in the codependent place of thinking relationships ended because you loved them too much i used to think there was such a thing as loving someone too much and it scared them and like they couldn't handle my love when in reality that quote unquote love was just micromanaging martyring control control trying to change them yuck um my love was actually like emotional abuse uh and so i i wanted to make a post and i hate funny posters yeah i hate funny posters i hate silly shit i like my first special ever i did kind of do a funny like i think a lot of female comics like we feel like we have to be like overly sexual or something in the beginning it's before we kind of like at least me personally and uh it was called money shot which is also a great name it is a great name it's not bad it's not bad but i was like naked and i had like that was kind of awesome but like i think i was just like topless i just was like well who i didn't know who i was i was like am i this person am i raunchy like who am i like and uh the i love you special the poster i wanted to rip my chest open so scary in the poster so scary and it gives you nightmares don't google it i actually do your algorithm will be jacked for a while and they couldn't do it with um special effects so we rented a cadaver in van nuys and they cut the cadaver open i'm so and they photographed it and then i had to pretend i was ripping my chest open and they put the photo are you serious of the open cadaver photoshopped it in yeah how did you get this way how wait my thing is unless you do it right don't do it at all i do like that i was so committed i was talking about this yesterday i was like i was hiking with my lover and i saw christmas lights on a house that were like crooked and not done well and i literally was like what's the point like why even bother this story ends with you getting on a ladder and pissing them i'm walking out because you're it's too much like you do it right or don't do it at all that's like my mentality okay i have before we even get into anything i have an announcement for your listeners and that is that if you're a fan of whitney's there's something that i know about her that you guys need to know whitney is the o.g of skincare to the degree that you you'll never even understand 10 years ago i would show up to the comedy store and it'd be all guys all guys and then there'd be one woman whitney cummings whose face was dripping wet it was it was honestly really scary she was it was like 11 o'clock at night maybe it was like 12 o'clock at night she was just glistening oil to the point where guys would be like what is going on like does she know and it's truly that you were ahead of the skincare curve you were just seruming and oiling and i don't know if you knew but it was you were the og of the care i looked like a jellyfish at all times in my twenties um i want i always start are you okay do you need tissue no no i'm fine i always crying i by the way that wasn't serums those were tears i was wet i was soaking wet uh me being the only woman in the comedy store in my 20s was very traumatizing we'll get to that in a minute but i always start the podcast with asking the guests if we're friends i sure as hell hope so i've i've been trying so hard for a decade i'm i feel like i finally arrived i'm you know for a fact i'm obsessed with you i'm obsessed with you and chelsea and natasha yeah the three of you i just i want framed photos of all of you in one room at my house like you know i i'm obsessed with you so if you will allow me to be your friend yes well i really want to talk about our friendship because i it's interesting i feel like you and i have recently trauma bonded yeah very hard during the pandemic i feel like this invisible murderer virus has brought us together correct i when you and i first met i was not taking on new friends i remember no i know i didn't have any openings and i was at capacity um there was a waiting list this is a story about persistence and i think i have to be honest with you like for the longest time and i and you know people have seen what's going on in the comedy world in the news in the podcast world like i the environment of comedy was so toxic for so long that i think i sort of adjusted accordingly and um put blinders on figured out a way to go into comedy clubs not connect with anybody put on all my armor and just not entrench without anybody and just figure out a way to get in and get the fuck out which by the way is right like you had the right plan of action like i that's why i wasn't like oh you know screw her no i knew what you were about and why you were like that because look i i'm just saying i get it and i'm i'm i subscribe so i think when you started coming to the comedy show when i first started knowing you i was already this well-oiled machine of you get in and you do your job and you get the fuck out which made me love you even more [Laughter] that is called stockholm syndrome for everyone listening so i remember just going if you stay and you hang out you're going to be called a slut you're going to be called a whore you're going to be called ugly people are going to oily wet oily wet people are going to be jealous of your luminous opalescent skin game i ha you know it's funny people make fun of how shiny i used to be yes i used to put oil all over my face all the time because i had such bad acne my whole life a lot of people don't know i was on accutane twice i went on accutane when i was 16 and when i was 21 that's how bad my cystic acne was are you night blind from it that's a real thing wait what's night blind when you can't see in the dark anymore from accutane accutane is so severe oh accutane is it even fda approved i don't i don't think there you have to take birth control the same time you take accutane and you have to get blood tests every month to prove that you're not pregnant because babies would be deformed and it's linked to suicide it's a link to a lot of fucked up shit i did not know night blindness was one of them but a lot of stuff is starting to make sense we should turn the lights off and see if you're okay no wait i don't i don't know i don't go in front of a camera without at least four giant lights around me um i but i am gonna look into that because i've had a couple weird run-ins with coyotes at night that i feel like could have been prevented if i didn't take accutane oh god but what accutane does by the way one of the side effects of accutane i wrote all about this uh in my book is anal bleeding and i remember just being like worth it it didn't deter me didn't slow me down that's how bad my acne was when i was a teenager like the really cystic deep ones that you feel and you know when you feel it that this is gonna be like a three-week thing this thing's gonna be it's gonna take about three weeks to run its course it hurts it's just dread the dread of knowing i'm gonna have this volcanic eruption for the next you know and then a scar maybe forever a scar and then your squeal like i just i think that you know when you're a teenager your appearance it's good bad needs to be you know um therapy who cares the point is that that's what this is before filters we didn't have nashville filter we didn't have hefe we didn't have the dog ear filter like you looked like what you looked like it was like really hard you know you we didn't have we couldn't add brightness to our photos we had to see each other in person and all of our imperfections and i remember like during lunch i would go into the bathroom and just hide because i was so embarrassed about my skin and uh what i learned finally after playing whack-a-mole with these really drying agents salicylic acid zip creams the things that just fry your face would exacerbate it and a dermatologist finally told me that your oil production glands actually overcompensate when you dry your skin out so the best thing you can do for oily broken out skin even though it's a total uh goes against all instincts it's totally um anathema to what you think you should do you should put oil on oily skin because then your oil glands will start producing less oil it's crazy the 90s ruined our lives okay oil-free face wash everything we bought was oil-free we were eating fat freeze like knack wells fat free cookies that actually had way more calories way more sugar way more sugar it's it was we were doing it all wrong so it's so against remember lester potato chips that was some anal leakage right there vitamin d deficiencies and anal leakage between my accutane and my olestra laced potato chip ships shit potato chips you need diapers at all times but so i started then dousing my face and oil at all times and then i stopped breaking out which i know feels so counterintuitive but it really works that first time you put oil on your skin after being trained not to is scary but yeah it's crazy because your skin is so perfect now thank you well thank you i feel like you're a real oil thank you i believe strongly in in lubing up your face if you right now were to tell me one oil that i'd like need just give me one um you know well i gave you one in your little thank you package for coming which is a serum that i use um that has grape seed oil in it i would say grape seed and tomato seed oil are my number one oils okay yes so number one and number one there's a tie um tomato seed i've never really heard talked about i feel like you're the only one on the tomato seed oil because i don't want to tell anyone because then it'll get sold out and people will start having my secrets and then it'll fuck up the bell curve do we need to cut this out i feel bad like i also uh recently discovered an oil called aparra epara black owned great thing um uh to buy but also just an incredible oil that i become obsessed with i also put different kind of oils on different parts of my face okay the thicker oils go around the eye and on the eyelid whitney always has to do a little extra than everybody else okay we will not be out done by anyone so i want to talk about our relationship because i think there's there's a lot to discuss and watching your special which by the way not only made me laugh and i have been dead inside for a solid decade made me laugh this actually really bothers me this is when you know someone special is funny when another comedian just gets like annoyed at it it's like fuck like i can watch a special and normally i'll know what the punchline is gonna be i'm like i know where it's going i was surprised i was dazzled my lover was watching it a man plot twist i know my hair is probably throwing you off with the kind of people i what gender i date but he was laughing so hard he did a spit take like a cartoon lucille ball spit tank and i filmed it for you i said it to you so great i i so here here's the here's the highest praise i can give esther's comedy special even men think it's funny that's how good it is men even like it i'm as surprised as you are trust me i literally was gonna be like i need to watch esther special can you just sit here and watch and he was enjoying it he rewinded a couple of things it was really funny did he love my dad i feel like my dad is the star of my spirit i love your dad and i agree um but i want to first say i feel like my relationship with you is very it's and it's recently changed but i've always felt a very protective uh instinct towards you but in not in a good not in a healthy way no that's even better because i really i like that in a very controlling codependent aggression i'm using trigger trigger we trigger each other it's all on purpose i bring up your abandonment issues you bring my perfectionist issues up because i was watching the special and you did this really fresh innovative thing where you were in different outfits uh and it was over a couple nights and remember i was like do not do that i was so angry about it we were in the comedy show parking you are stressed she was like i'm gonna wear a couple different outfits and i was like what like i was like no what do you mean like it made me angry like i remember driving home being like this is an irreconcilable difference like we just i couldn't understand what you were thinking i was just like i need to call her agent tomorrow i need to put a stop to this i need to stage an intervention and it was so fun to watch and i was wrong no that's first of all i you whenever someone though gives you feedback that's not what you're expecting or you want that's like the best person to know yeah so it you when you gave us that note we actually like really took it in and we considered doing the same outfit twice like which would have helped this is all too like inside baseball but just know that that note i like respected it and took it in yeah like almost went with it but then at the last minute i was like wait i want to wear this skirt but thank you i also wasn't sure what like she just does this really the way you know i think that specials now we comedians have to evolve you know i cannot stand when comedians are like why can't i say tranny it's like dude is that really what's holding you back from writing a new joke like you ca is that why you have writer's block like i think comedians because we're professional complainers that's what we do for a living we're obsessed with injustice um uh and we don't love change in general we're control freaks you know i think we have to evolve as viewers evolve you know there's so much content out there you can watch a panda bear dancing to beyonce like how are you going to fucking compete with youtube now with a stand-up special you know watching one person in the same outfit for an hour it's now that i've seen your special i'm like that's crazy i can't believe we were that boring for so long that is how i feel because even like the best specials i've ever seen like sometimes i have to pause them because i'm like i have an instagram brain like i need to just be seeing different looking things at all times yeah i did want to cut it up and also it didn't hurt to have less time for stand up and be able to cut just just the best stuff no i think it was just really it felt very this is the oldest most boomer shit i'll ever say it just felt very modern to me it just felt very like it met me at my uh level of attention deficit do you know what i mean it didn't the best compliment yeah i agree like there was no work involved it didn't feel like homework i didn't feel like now i have to finish this special like it was just it felt like the experience of going through someone's instagram feed and like now i wanna go see about their family and i wanna see them in a different outfit and i want to see them talk about something different like it was really incredibly um you have incredible instincts thank you whitney and i'm glad you didn't take my advice on that one but you should take my advice about everything i usually do yeah i usually do exactly well another thing because we're talking about our friendship one of my favorite things about you is that you just kind of go with it like i remember last year towards the end of the year like i had family in town i was really stressed out and i had a set at the comedy store and i saw you were on the lineup in a different room than me but at the same time and i just texted you and i was like hey we're on the same time like me an hour before and you just wrote why and i was like so we can hang out and then i like me expecting you to just like not reply you're like and then you just go okay see you then see you in 15 minutes i'm like like you're just down but you don't get it but then once you like then you're in you know it's interesting once i'm in i'm in yeah once i'm in i'm in i'm gonna be honest with you that i'm always early so i was gonna be early anyway so that was just good to know that was that i do have a rule that i do no same-day plans you don't really yes i do no same-day plans that's a rule for me because it's hard for me to say no uh it's taken me a long time to be able to say no to someone especially women that's a whole other thing because i grew up around very sensitive women where if you stood up for yourself or said you had a need they freaked out so i just kind of like it was like they got emotional so i just learned do everything on their timetable and when someone you and chelsea pretty do this because we're on a chain now and you'll be like what are you guys doing let's go for a walk in an hour and i feel my codependence coming up being like jump down the fireman's pole get in the car and like get out there to go on this walk with them or you'll never hear from them again i have this thing with friendships where i relate to that i feel for you on that but i said but it's really hard for me to not stick to my sk but if i i make schedules for myself so that i can have pride because um cooperation and productivity make dopamine and during this time so much depression stuff has come up and so much mental health stuff that i realized i just need to really schedule out my time and achieve the thing i set out to achieve or else i'll feel listless and and sloppy and crazy there's nothing i respect more than when someone sets a boundary for themself like that it is so valuable and important um me and my college friends last year we set we made this little like 2018 rule was a 22 2018 i don't remember but it was like no flake 2019. so we set this rule where it was like none of us can flake on any plans for this whole year unless you're sick or like work emergency whatever it is in case you don't want to go yeah so no no no no for real though and if you did we it was like the honor system with the three of us and if you flaked you had to do a punishment and so our punishment was like you know if one of us lives on the east side the other one lives on the west side like you have to drive across town at rush hour to hang out at like a coffee shop so it was like there was doesn't sound like college friends it sounds like a fight club [Music] but so we we did that for a year and it really taught me to not say yes to things that i might want to not do later i think half the time we say yes to something it's because we know we're going to cancel or we're going to figure out i'll get out of it later i'll just say yes now and then think of an excuse later exactly so once we implemented that i got so much better at like not then that was a great boundary for me to learn like don't say yes if you're just gonna flake so boundaries for yourself the answer is usually no that's my default the answer is usually no and it's gonna make our relationship better like you know and you're you're a tricky one for me because i don't really romantic relationships don't um daunt me as much because i know they're gonna end like like romantic relationships i don't men don't break my heart anymore that i just i've i have no tears left i have no tears left for men but female friendships i'm actually really trepidatious with i get scared i've actually probably had my heart broken the most um by women i know what you mean it's like female friendships are complicated and it's like kind of our job to just like tackle them and figure them out because you can get so much out of them it's so rewarding me and annie letterman actually have this like unspoken but also spoken rule where i'm it goes both ways we're allowed to call each other and leave literally 20 missed calls on the other person's phone and the other person who has the 20 missed calls is allowed to not call back for two days like there's no pressure keeping score there's no pressure there's no resentment there's no uh i just did this you now need to do this yes it's very like i accept you where you are and unconditionally yeah you're allowed to ignore me for as long as you need to i really need to rewire my brain around that because growing up around a mother that was very sensitive and very emotional i learned that when you take care of yourself there is a cost and when some a woman does something nice for you you have to reciprocate it you have to worry about their feelings all the time their discomfort all the time you know some of our most stressful relationships are with the people that are supposed to make us feel the least stressed out yeah and watching your special i learned so much more about you because i i was always so confused about your personality i was like great compliment well i just was like there's something very paradoxical about you because you do stand up which is ostensibly one of the scariest things you can do i think most people's biggest fear yet you're the most fearful person i know yeah and you're scared of everything yes and so it's an interesting paradox every six months i ask you whitney is flying safe you and i are so different and that you know and and i i think i'm too far on the other end of the spectrum i'm scared of absolutely nothing wow because number one i grew up in extremely dangerous circumstances all the time and number two i have worked really hard to realize like i just do not worry about things that i can't control yeah but it's taken a long time like to rewire that and i look at you and i'm like i actually should move more towards esther like you you're very empathic and um i appreciate that about you and i think sorry last thing i'll say is that super fearful would you describe yourself as anxious yes super fearful super anxious people are actually that is a huge evolutionary advantage a thousand years ago you would be the most successful person in the tribe just fyi i just think we have no way because right now i'm five feet tall we think reno you can just sneak into caves and under rocks and very easily hide you're perfect you can't really reach for you know lemons or oranges but you know that someone else let someone else do that um no but i just think it's important to remember as we i think overly pathologize people who are anxious people that are fearful people that have quote irrational fears you know we were designed uh to not live in houses with alarm systems and locked doors and roofs right so having anxiety actually uh was a part of survival of the fittest the most anxious or the most fit the most paranoid the most hyper vigilant so i think you evolved beautifully it's just everything else changed so you're just you're living in the wrong time thank you another great compliment that i will just cherish but you are i just want to say you are really good at helping with those things because i'll be like whitney is flying safe you're like there's no articles about pilots and flight attendants like being sick from flying yeah like and i'm like oh yeah she's so right and then i go and i fly off on my tour like it's just you really are very helpful it is my pleasure and watching your special you have these vignettes of you and your parents and on this show we talk a lot about growing up in you know dysfunctional homes what happened with your primary caretaker to give you certain maladaptive behaviors i feel like the people that listen to this show we think a lot about you know what happened in our childhood to make us the uh good and the bad of what we are today what i we haven't really talked about on the show is the trauma of having parents who are still married [Laughter] and i think actually there's something really uh uh yeah i mean frankly dramatic about that you know everyone i know whose parents are married i my instinct is well your parents are married you have no problems like that's my brain but that's the more immature take from maybe a couple years ago but now i'm kind of like oh my god like married parents like the pressure that must cause to say what excuse do i have to not make a relationship work or i don't feel that pressure that's interesting though i definitely don't feel that pressure like their relationship is it's not like i'm not one of those people that's like oh my romantic parents and i have such a good example of love like absolutely not i don't want a relationship that's anything like theirs they're crazy or you see or you just but you do see people working it out you know you do see people with a set crystallized definition of what a relationship is like because i saw so many divorces and i grew up with single people i at least saw people try a bunch of different things and fail and go like oh you can fail and it's okay and i feel like if i grew up with married parents i'd be like yeah they made it work what's my excuse like even if it's not you know healthy it's like you figure it out you compromise relationship is a job like i am always curious about what having married parents does to your psyche well i mean one thing is that so they're a second marriage okay mom's second marriage okay and so you know that's also a play like helpful that's yeah okay um there's been some failure in your life that's good there's been plenty yeah you need people need adversity it's so important i mean um yeah absolutely um but so they're uh my mom's second marriage and they they're a big age difference my mom is 15 years younger than my dad so i do see how that has influenced me because you know there's like a something that works about that for them you know my dad's like old and defeated so and she like does everything they're just they're not a normal example it's definitely not like like whereas my fiance his parents i feel like they're they're high school sweethearts and they're still together that i feel like that's yeah that okay you're right that's the kind of thing that i'm like that is traumatic it's traumatic i just fee and maybe this is just me doing meaning making we've talked about meaning making on the podcast it's basically turning lemons into lemonade or whatever like you always want to figure out when something like that negative happens to you the meaning make it of it like what am i what's the gift of this what's the meaning making of this what am i learning what am i getting out of this failure or this this adversity i now that i'm older and maybe i'm just meaning making but i'm so glad the shoe dropped early yeah otherwise you're constantly waiting for the shoe to drop yeah you know the damocles sword is hung like i'm just i'm i'm now as i'm as an adult there's sort of a relief that's like okay my dad already died my mom already had a stroke like all these bad things already happened like what's the worst that could happen right chronovirus comes i'm like okay fine let's handle this like nothing i think there is something that's a safe place in later in life after you've had enough tragedy in your life um nothing you know you're like the worst is kind of behind me there's something that's kind of a relief about that yeah no that's cool i i feel like i i s that's i like that living by that whereas whereas your your fiance is an anxious mess because his life has been too good like the worst is in front of him i'd be stressed out too i know well i feel like you'll relate to this the first time i met his parents we all went out to a nice dinner and dave was like cracking jokes and his parents were just like laughing at everything they were saying and i remember sitting there like staring like what's going on i didn't know that your own parents could find you funny it was so weird i just like was physically like funny where am i like it was so weird the healthiness and the love yeah yeah yeah which is you know i'm now that you've seen my special you probably can see why i felt that way and i'm sure you probably had a similar thing because you don't seem normal i have a hot take i'm on your parents side uh well my mom thinks you're her daughter so you know what's so weird when i was watching your special i didn't even put together that you're my your mom and i are very close yeah would you is that whatever you would call it she consumes everything you put out she updates me on your story she watches everything my dad i'm pretty sure my dad hates you because my mom is always doing something about you that's so weird he hates all my like so that's my demo twice married older women with comedian daughters so i i do i think i'm just in a place you guys have heard me talk about this on the back i am just in a place of radical forgiveness with parents because they simply did not have the tools you know and i think we talk about this a lot of we forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness but because we deserve peace and it's just sort of like i can blame my parents all day long i certainly can do that but it sort of like hasn't worked that great and so i'm just going to radically forgive them because they didn't they didn't get what they needed either yeah i know i totally agree with you and i i it's i love to like publicly be like it's my parents fault you know like they locked me in a gate and i cried but it's they were doing what they could that was it was kind of amazing there's this part where uh esther's one of her teachers locked her like in a closet and her dad's like how come we didn't do that like it's just so like it also i i maybe i have stockholm syndrome and i'm kind of like yeah like it's only in the last like 10 years that we started thinking children should be protected from anything i mean it is a very new we used to it's just so we kids used to work in factories like no it's very new yeah that we think children are valuable on any level yes you know it's weird yeah you know so i feel i just watched your dad and i was like yeah i feel like in his day that's actually a pretty good name humane closets are safe yeah you know there's no one you know they're safe in there no one's gonna get in there they can take a nap like it's everything's soft it's all closed like you know like i sort of i i appreciated that but i also saw where you got you know your wit and and i think that a lot of becoming funny is having to defend yourself as a kid like full stop you know like people are always like oh my god having the name coming he's like that must be a nightmare i'm like yeah but it also made me have to i got bullied so much as a kid about it that i had to get quick and i had to learn how to throw insults back that has to be a huge reason why you're comedian do you feel like that i think so yeah i think so i think i think in terms of having to defend myself and having to i think a lot of comedians you know who was it that said the definition of uh or stand up comedy we do it so that um we can uh insult ourselves we can control the way we're embarrassed yeah we embarrass ourselves before you can do it that is so correct i always say like i can't be embarrassed like i no i will be i know i'm gonna be embarrassed here let me just let me handle it so that you guys don't do it and ambush me or sidetrack like i to know and control how i'm going to be embarrassed so relatable i really love that i kind of feel like you've gotten a little bit fucked over in a way where you were like the feminist kind of before feminism was like cool and you were the star the creator and star of an nbc sitcom and people made fun of you online yeah and that's kind of like the worst fear yeah and you've come from that you've come through that i was cancelled before cancer culture even happened but you were like but it was like not for doing something wrong people made fun of you and that was really fucked up and i it was sexism that was like pure i mean there was if you go back at the reviews of the nbc show i did it's there's comments literally about my appearance i mean there's literally of like she's fucking she's wiry she's willowy like i mean it's they're they're talking about my appearance in the reviews that uh a couple reviews call me shrill like it is so wild it's really like you really went through that and i feel like i don't know i feel like you got it the like almost like the worst like you were like i'm a fucking woman i'm a creator i'm funny and then literally reviewers berated your women female viewers as well i mean emily nussbaum just going for it i mean her review was wild like just mean and i and i think i look back now and i'm like i think i i i as someone that goes for always for forgiveness if i can't i went through all the pain of that i went through the embarrassment and the shame and the sadness kind of later i i had a little delay of processing it i think that i i blocked it out kind of when it was happening because it was number one my mom had just had a stroke i had another family member who was super sick my dad had a stroke the universe kind of colluded to distract me from that with like other tragedies that put everything in perspective about like a bad review you know um but i you know i look back at that and i was like god i guess i really trigger people i feel like we've said that word a lot on the podcast like i understand like a loud woman but you know that that doesn't want to get married that's what the show is about it was about it was of gender reversal i wanted to do a very traditional classic sitcom where the man had the qualities of stereotypical woman and the woman had the qualities of a man no i remember i watched the show i did watch it illegally because i didn't have cable that was like back when i knew how to watch shows illegally i watched every episode i thought it was so funny and awesome and it actually really sucked like not to make this about me but i'm not gonna like it suck that i looked up to this person and watched your show and then saw like all these shitty people yeah making fun of it and i didn't know why yeah and i just feel like how do you get through like i'm like how could anyone survive that but then here you are like literally thriving created a successful show like you've done so much since and i just want to like acknowledge that that was fucked up and it's weird and it doesn't like there needs to be like a renaissance about it like wait we all need to apologize that was wild that's so interesting that you're bringing this up and i'm sorry like i feel like it could be even triggering to bring up and like no i'm so glad no i'm so glad you're it's not something i can bring up but as i look back like if you were please rehash these reviews you know i think for me you know i know why a lot of people didn't like it because it was on nbc and it was a multicam and this is getting into the granular of the different tv shows anyone listening knows the difference between a multicam and a single camera multicam seinfeld friends audience big there's a live studio audience right and then a single cam is like the office parks and rec community i was in the block of parks and rec community the office and then a multicam show you know where there's like a live studio audience like it was just like all the comedy nerds right weren't gonna watching these shows that were more like subtle performances and way drier like that was starting to become a little more in vogue you know a little um uh the lighting is bleaker and drab like the office was obviously you know really popular 30 rock like that those are single camera shows the show should have been on like cbs yeah you know with like mike and molly two and a half men like like big bang theory multicams like it would have i think fit better yeah but there was a very malicious um energy that that came at me like people would say like it's a laugh track i would even say to the journalists i was like do you want to come see the people in the audience like it's like you know we had to take microphones out of the audience like no one wanted uh to like it you know it was it was i mean even writers like big big writers who one one of whom has since apologized to me i think it was like a year ago i mean hollywood writers would like tweet like really malicious shit about it um which that doesn't happen right now like people don't do that you can't do that like if uh if uh if if a tv show with um starring a woman came out no one could just tweet about it and trash it fuck her she's whatever no one could you could not do that you know and uh one of them recently apologized to me actually it was actually really well because a lot of people i looked up to and really admired and liked um uh trashed me like on twitter like as if i like wouldn't see it or something and um one of them apologized to me recently and was like uh yeah i was you know and this is what he said so it is what it is but he was like i was just so jealous that you got something at 27 years old and you had this show and it also got it was ubiquitous it also got because plot twist i test very well you have to understand that if a show gets a lot of promotion it means it did well in the testing right and crystallia was on the show he was fucking hysterical and we had great chemistry which is kind of the whole sort of like and that tested very highly so they ended up giving us a lot of promotion and anyone that's like all over fucking the sides of buildings i i feel like if i was a comic and saw a show that was called like amanda and it was like a like a girl that was like holding a beach ball sassy i would probably make fun of it too you know like but but i feel like we're learning and i hope everyone is on board with this that like not everything is for you so if you see amanda in the beach ball like maybe it's not for you but it's for someone yeah and you're like yucking someone's young yeah and i just think it's i don't know i just don't wanna i get it we all wanna make fun of stuff it's fun but i do think a weird very like i feel like very sexist reaction filled with jealousy happened to you and like you come through it you didn't like quit the business and like move to wichita yeah that's impressive to me i never really it's weird i don't think i've ever gotten over it you know i think it was it was a kind of trauma a kind of emotional trauma where i feel like i i which is also weird because the show does really well in other countries like people also like love it i can't stress this enough watched every episode i'm waiting for it to like come out somewhere it's not the peacock oh it is it just came on the peacock okay streamer i need to get peacock yeah people like it's weird people do love it because i really wanted to make a show god so it was long ago but that was uh universal you know like so many i mean literally we shot at universal but uh uh there were a lot of shows on about very specific like i loved the office but it was about a very specific american sense of humor you know they had their their award thing at chili's you know it's sort of like everything with specific american comedy community very specific i want to do something that was like if you don't even if this could air in any country it's about like why did your ex just text you anyone any culture any cree anyone in any part of the world can relate to that fight that is a universal fight that transcends i think culture religion so many things you know and i really wanted to make that show about little tiny things like there was an episode i fucking love this episode where uh the uh my boyfriend character shushes me and that's it that's the whole up that's the whole that's the beginning of the whole episode it's just and that exactly whereas so many shows now we're like and he's dead the whole time and it's secretly a vampire like everything's so fucking complicated whereas the reality is the most of our real estate com and that's taken up is like why are you having lunch with your ex like that's what most of us have to do that sounds fucking interesting that to me is is an episode i mean there was an episode with june rayfield who played the x which was why do you have a box of your ex's stuff it was like a box of her stuff you know someone that has that that yeah that's i know that that's real i love that shit like that's the kind of shit i love like there was a whole episode about you know we've talked about it on this show of um i wash my boyfriend's jeans and he gets really upset because you're not supposed to wash jeans guys don't wash their jeans it's weird dave never lets me wash his pants no you're not allowed to wash guys don't wash their jeans it's weird i need to just override yeah that's why we have a coronavirus i'm telling you i that is the real origin of it but yeah no i i the last thing i want to say about whitney even though i just cut you off and it's your show no please is the episode where you like accidentally blurt out the phrase uber cray-cray do you know what i'm talking about um i blurted it out okay yes uber cray-cray yes it's so stupid and so funny and i say it all the time still eight years later it's so good it's so weird i should have known there that you were so weird but i just want to like give that show like a solid shout out and moment that it is so good yeah and that it like blows my mind that more people aren't like wait we like were fucked up about this thing and it was a woman getting her shot and we like ruined it a little bit i mean they didn't ruin it because you made so many episodes of it but like well that's the other thing i think we made we made two seasons and i remember this because like i would have journalists interview me and now i look back and i'm like oh my god they were being so shitty to me and i was too naive and young to know i assumed if a journalist was interviewing you for an article like they liked you uh-huh like that's such a i like they were just gonna write you the way you meant to sound like they would write me as the person i am which is you know or something and they don't have vendettas or agendas or you know there was this guy um i can't even remember his fucking name but he got fired over the interview um what because what's david goldman i think his name is can you google uh i don't give a fuck uh he interviewed like literally i remember waking up like 6 a.m and he's like hey i've never heard of you but my wife really likes you and i remember being like okay like i just was like still programmed to laugh at and right you're like any joke a man says i'm like oh like you don't know me i'm just going to try harder to get your approval and he said something he's like he said something about me like he was like on the roast someone made a joke about you sleeping your way to the top is that true yeah that's true here's all the guys i fucked yeah like cause yeah guys just like print scripts that need to be shot like as if that's ever worked david goldman he was at the new yorker i think i've learned that if someone is interviewing them it's like i need to kind of get clarity on what the article is about because i recently did an interview and they made the article kind of about what they wanted it to be about and not about what made sense for me so i will just say that that's a real thing andrew goldman um i was just filling time while you were looking that up thank you thank you um this bitch holds a grudge and yeah i just i had no idea that someone would want to embarrass someone else or you know i i just i don't think i realized like female comics are the most hated people on the planet a little bit we are hated you know and that and anyone listening to this show listening to female comics talk obviously you're not you know but we are very triggering to people and there is um and i don't know if it's because there's a subconscious like they're signing up to be rejected like they're putting themselves out there to be critiqued or whatever but there is a very real vitriol around a woman that is fucking speaking for an hour and no one else gets to interrupt i mean there is a like a fucking who do you think you are i need to tear you down to size yeah i feel like that's what was happening to me yeah i feel like when i did a sitcom and had a i had two shows at once two broke girl this is when you had to be apologetic and small and minimize yourself and if you were successful you were like you know uh i think there was a how dare you who do you think you are and you don't deserve it you don't get to win like this yeah not on my watch yeah and everyone decided they were going to make a sort of um like a salem witch truck it felt very much like a we need to make an example out of her that that's how women too by the way i'm this is not i know this is like women fucking came for me and you know it's it's it's tricky and i i do think i sort of learned to sort of go numb a little bit about that because i was just like okay like the price of what i do is there's gonna be a lot of people that are gonna have some irrational hate for me and that's just part of this like i get to pay my bills and i get to have health insurance like that's just the price i pay like i sort of that's how the meaning making of how i've kind of rationalized it that's unfortunate i wasn't taught you could have it all like this next generation yeah no they could have it all i never thank god i was drilled into my head by my dad life is not fair so i didn't think i deserved more i was like okay well if my bills are getting paid like you know this is a small price to pay but you know there is a i think it's interesting for us to all look at our internalized misogyny about a woman you know how triggering it is when women get successful i do it too i have it too i haven't have it i have it i have it i guess like i'm furious about your special that it's so good like frankly i hope there's a campaign to tear you down and um you know but you know it is interesting but there's also there's almost like an immersion therapy is that what it's called exposure therapy of like social therapy how my worst nightmare is having people hate me and yeah and it just happens that's why i'm so interested like what am i gonna do there's not there's a certain freedom in having everyone uh uh having that which by the way twitter is not everyone that's the other thing twitter is not everyone the majority of like america really liked it and thought it was good like this was just on twitter we have to remember twitter is not real life twenty percent of people are on twitter of that two percent generate eighty percent of the comments like i need to repeat that statistic to myself a lot really like when you say that yeah i say it a lot i really love it i'm a broken record with that one um and it was kind of as someone who was so programmed to be loved that's all i ever wanted was for people to like me for people to love me uh to contort shape-shift to try to make people laugh and having this sort of mass uh backlash that kind of couldn't have been worse yeah right like it kind of couldn't be and i don't even know all of it because i was no i don't you know i don't have anything you don't i i didn't no i remember i was working on the show and again my mom had a stroke so i wasn't googling myself i wasn't on twitter like i was like in an icu writing the first season of that show and i remember going to like an mvc party like for upfront like the first thing i like went out to do that was like i'm promoting a show and i like put on a dress that like like an old dress from like delia's or something like i didn't have like stylists like i didn't have any you know it was before i had like the checks had started clearing or anything and i went to a public space and everyone was coming up to me like how you doing you okay you hanging in there like people would everyone like as if i had like a terminal illness people like they're just jealous don't you you know everyone hated seinfeld the first season like people were just consoling me and i didn't know what they were talking about i thought they were talking about the fact that my mom had just had a stroke and i was like oh she's gonna be okay and they're like what like i didn't know about it i think thankfully yeah um but yeah i i do think um it left a mark uh in a way that has definitely made me i think i'm a pretty reclusive person and i um you know always assume people are talking shit about me which is part of the reason i have a lot of distrust yeah for other i feel i assume everyone's being fake with me and disingenuous because that was a time where everyone was being nice to my face but i feel like shitting on me behind my back yeah and you know during the whole you know crystalia nightmare as of recently just so all y'all i know everyone who's tried to say i knew i know your names and i just want you to know that the people that you think you're confiding in they're more loyal to me than you fyi well it is isn't that that's like another like weird public reaction that or like whatever it is public shaming kind of reaction where it's like they knew that person knew but it's like how why are you you don't know that you're just like creating drama because it's fun can i ask you a question about this like i think that people that are in male dominated businesses women especially like you know number one men don't show us their untoward behavior you know but at the same time i do think we see a side of men that is slightly discouraging i think it's taken me a long time to realize like you know because all my friends are male comics and then when i'm with someone who's not a male comic i'm like so how many porn stars do you follow and they're like what why did i follow porn stars and i'm like oh like my bar's on the floor do you think that being in a toxic environment has affected the way that you view yeah then like has it done a number well i wouldn't say it's done a number or women frankly but i will say like it's been interesting having close relationships with men over the years close friendships and you do like end up talking about dating and stuff and i like just feel like i know certain things that the way guys see girls and it's kind of upsetting but it's also like similar to like oh well at least now i know you know okay yeah so now i know that whatever you guys think this about us yeah whatever it is and i kind of try to use it in my tool kit as like a strength yeah but but i know what you mean and it is yeah we like see guys hitting on girls all the time but that also it doesn't mean that like we're the truth is and this is almost gonna sound like i'm i don't know how this is going to sound but like we're like no we're not like you're not in the club like we're not in the club like i know people think we are we are in we are in a club yeah but like the cool guys they're awesome and i love them but there's a certain way that they're never going to see me and there's a certain way that they're never going to see other people uh people of color gay people are like they're never going to be equal with like the top tier white men yeah like you don't know their secrets i don't know their secrets and that's i don't know i feel like maybe i'm saying miss speaking and saying wrong shit but that's just kind of how i feel like i know i'm very lucky and i've been accepted in many ways because of my like white privilege and yeah i'll say it i'm gorgeous but like i'm just kind of saying that like for the people that maybe think that like you're best friends with these people and they tell you their secrets like they don't yeah and you're not i think it's interesting because as we were talking earlier i'm just fascinated by this and i'm never gonna stop talking to you um is that this this superficial sense of closeness you know is like just because sort of you and i becoming close recently has become very real and i think that you know sometimes we get these trauma bonds with people and these like artif i think it's happening a lot you know like don't mistake a trauma bond for love yeah i don't love that yeah i i've seen that happen yeah yeah don't mistake love and pity don't mistake you know having a rough day with someone else on the job as like you guys shouldn't are friends or close like we've kind of talked about that and i think that's a lot of what our you know relationships are like with uh other comedians you know is that like we know each other really well because we have the same job but i don't know anything about it right i don't know what you do when you wake up and you kind of have to be nice to me like i realized that recently i was just sort of like everybody's so nice to me because after sort of this um a lot of stuff has been coming to light in the comedy community a lot of people sort of are like how could you not know all this and i'm like i guess people pretend in front of me it's like benton was like you realize you never see how these people actually act right like they act totally different in front of you and there's something kind of weird about realizing that um it's hard to it's hard to come to terms with the fact that people have secrets and i think you know anyone that listening is listening to this podcast is committed to edifying themselves in some way but not everyone else is like not everyone is doing the work we're doing not everyone is on a daily basis going like how can i be better like how can i be more honest how can i be you know more authentic how can i you know be less jealous how can i be you know like most people yeah a lot of people are just going through life unconscious like zombies just sort of getting their primal carnal needs met like you know and i think that that i feel really grateful that i have people in my life that are like really consciously trying to deprogram but i think they're shit a lot of people just are not yeah and that's so hard for me to believe and that's such a fucked up like every time i meet someone i just assume like they've read every self-help book i've read and i've been to therapy for 10 years they're only going to 12-step program you know and i'm just sort of like did you just lie to me like it's so when someone lies i mean lie still yeah like what like that i thought we all stopped lying is like the slap bracelet of you know character defects like that's so 90s like who lies like i used to lie so much and it's just like it's a full-time job lying you have to like de-program numbers to be organized you have to be so organized you have to remember your lines you have to be off book like lying is like exhausting so and i also know now that like when you lie you feel worse yeah you know yeah and it's right we're only as sick as the secrets we keep so it's like then you feel shame and then when you lie to someone this is the most fucked up part about lying you lose respect for them yeah because you're like you believed that a lot oh you're such a fucking like dumbass like how did i how did i just pull that off and then you lose respect for them you know i one of my favorite things to do is to admit that you lied like in when you just said you respected the way i dress and then you're like i lied i love just like admitting that you just lied like i that is there's something cute about it it's so funny when you catch yourself lying and you're like what was that i'm sorry like he does that a lot dave does that all the time i'll ask him something and he'll answer and i'm like you made that up and don't know he's like yeah you're right i hate this i trust you went to harvard i trust you or like yeah when i i've catch myself making up fake statistics a lot too i'll just be like look 80 of people are never enough and benjamin will be like where what where did you what what pole was that i'm like i don't know it just like felt right like it just felt but no i was um uh i was with my lover and i have these ducks that keep landing in the pool and i saw the ducks like earlier in the day and he was in the kitchen it was like six and i'd seen the ducks at like noon and he was in the kitchen and i was like oh the ducks were just outside and he was like oh i just let the dogs out should i bring him back in and i was like well i mean i actually saw him at like noon but i just i just wanted i i just wanted you to think they were just there yeah like i don't know it was such a weird lie toddler i know like what he was just like so the ducks weren't just there and i was like i guess i was trying to impress you like i don't know what that was like that was so weird like i just wanted you to think i had ducks like just like it was just such an like when you catch yourself doing like codependent people please yeah and you're like oh that was gross but it's cool to be self-aware and like try to just be better taking a little break here to talk about italic i'm not going to look at the copy like these other podcasters that you listen to that just half-heartedly read like robots i would like to tell you about italic you can tell they're reading it for the first time you know a lot about robots too i do know a lot about robots having been one for 37 years but italic i'm obsessed with this company and if you're listening on audio and not on youtube you're really missing out because i'm holding up this bag that i got from italic how pretty is this it's like a it's almost like an oxblood color is that what you would call it they're really nice quality goods i mean i have a backpack that i got from them oh nice stunning what does it look like it's like a a leather and it's black and it has like these gold almost like this purse with a backpack like this person like and the whole deal with italics is they you don't have to pay for their advertising like will you read the copy because we do need to explain we have to explain what the product is at some point but you are paying sane prices i i refuse to pay five thousand dollars for a person you know me i don't i won't do it you won't attack is how i fake it till i make it yeah but you've seen my closet how many purses do i have three like truly i will not buy new purses because they're all for some reason like seven thousand dollars i shall not chant italic is a membership that grants access to over 800 plus quality goods made by the same manufacturers as top brands but sold at cost meaning you're not paying to put the little symbols on it that you sheeple they're 60 lower prices than leading brands they basically cut out them wait hold on you're blowing past the the 60 percent lower prices you should blow past that number i mean i'm just reading the coffee it's over half it's the same product but 60 percent cheaper what are we doing why would you ever buy non-italic products listen you know me nothing i hate more than being scammed then you know that i hate more than a racquet and everything is a racket except for italic excuse me i need to now finish putting the strap on my beautiful new purse that you're gonna use because you got one i know i'm so into this they have lots of stuff for both men and women from luxury handbags cashmere sweaters activewear bedding bath towels cookware and i need cookware jewelry i need the cookware the diamond jewelry and i need the diamond jewelry let's be honest from the best possible manufacturers in each category be smart don't pay a thousand dollars for just a logo don't be sheeple and save your money for more important things look how cute if you're watching on youtube look at my cute new purse and if you're not watching on youtube it's cute there's currently a wait list to join italic but they're offering but they're offering our listeners to skip the weight and join immediately when you sign up through this link italic.com whitney sign up for the membership now and get access to all of italics high quality beautifully designed products to improve your closet home kitchen and more and never pay for markups again wait hold on keep this in do not cut this out sheets from the same manufacturer as saint regis and the four seasons why don't i have that leather bags by the same manufacturer as celine and prada and even a candle from the same scent supplier as la lava which is my favorite candle maker and it's like 160 bucks yeah will you get me that we sure will we'll sign up now okay italic.com whitney italic.com whitney if you're not listening on youtube watch on youtube to see how cute this purse is that i got from italic because i'm not a huckster taylor tomlinson and i are writing something together so i'm in full writing mode so i've been ordering from doordash truly twice a day yeah a lot two of my best friends uh work for doordash currently um one of the delivery people just got a blue german shepherd dog half blue pit half german shepherd i've seen pictures that's how often i'm ordering from doordash i know the delivery people i am obsessed because they have they have every restaurant that i like i don't know if that's like they're targeting me or something or if they just have the best restaurant yeah i think they built the ad just for you actually the whole app was built for me and mine i knew it i knew this was custom designed for me um i also love doordash and we'll get into the actual logistics about doordash in a second these are just my initial thoughts from actually using the product i also love that when it updates you on your order being made and delivered it's always exactly right if your order's eight minutes away it's seven minutes away instead of saying eight minutes away and it's another hour and that's my childhood all over again they're not joking that's me not being picked up from school by my dad it's like they tell you when it's coming they tell you when it's ordered i've not had one like rigmarole moment with like where's my person and where's the food and this is the wrong food i have never from doordash not gotten exactly what i ordered like before doordash i feel like you would get like half of what you ordered this is close enough with it was like it was like getting cable installed it was like a four-hour window like you might get your food like thrown over the fence at some point you know like it's true all wet for no reason like doordash they they keep it tight they keep they run a tight ship yeah i ordered two steaks and they got here prestigious by the way i did i look over there and i'm like benton what did you order from doordash you just went two steaks so also no one is judgmental here at doordash they don't assume your order uh was a mistake if you order something crazy they're not like you sure did you mean yeah they're not google many of your favorite local restaurants are still open for delivery open the door dash app select your favorite local restaurant and your food will be left at your door safely it's a crazy time for restaurants right now obviously struggling for business so it's also a good thing to do to order safely from your local restaurants doordash deliveries are now contactless they keep communities we operate in safe but also by the way they don't leave them in some crazy place they don't leave them in some like birds nest or tree they leave it right where you can actually see it yeah they take a picture they show it to you yeah it's a whole thing it's not like they just sort of generally throw it in your direction it's like in the bushes yeah right now our listeners can get five dollars off their first order of 15 or more zero delivery fees for their first month when you download the doordash app enter the code whitney by the way this isn't in the copy but it's also not just restaurants it's like it's it's like um coffees uh places and starbucks places and i don't know coffee places and starbucks places multiple cafes can you believe i'm just saying you can like order you know if you get thirsty they'll also bring you drinks they do you can just order like a round of coffee like i just think we had eaten so much and we were just like we just want like a coffee refresh and we ordered three coffees from a coffee place with a couple little pastries and scones it was like such a i don't know that's five dollars off your first order and zero delivery fees for a month when you download the doordash app in the app store enter the code whitney don't forget that's code whitney for five dollars off your first order with doordash doordash and such a great alliteration doordash doordash and so how did you when you and i when you started in the comedy store i think i don't i wasn't there all the time like i i you were very in and out you were on your path yeah like i was and and by that time i just had learn in a very male dominated business to just get in and do my thing and get out so i didn't get accused of dating or sleeping my way to whatever i had you know i just realized the only way to not get accused of sleeping with people for jobs is to just be gone well yeah and also like sometimes you just exist in a male-dominated space and then it's like you're just standing there and someone's like they're flirting i always feel like i was just standing i know i and and i think there's something really interesting about about you because you're a little after me right yeah and my sort of generation of female comics it was very um competitive not because i think you have to be competitive to be a female comic you have to sort of have a you know um that hustle that kind of hustle you have to have that warrior spirit but there was such a scarcity complex because there were so few spots yeah you know that even if we liked each other we still had to compete with each other because it was sort of the way they used to put comedians on lineups was like oh we have our female we're good one girl one girl yeah out of maybe 30 comics right which is so shitty and i do feel like it did get it got like better and better as time went on so it's like i know how it was for me and i know it must have been worse for you yeah and it was like it was just like one girl that was it and so we were all kind of vying for that one spot so it was always so tragic to me that like in any anyone listening that's in you know a male dominated business like the way you're kind of like forced to compete with people that you actually are the only people you really have anything in common with yeah we should be so we're probably soul mates yeah we're being forced to kind of hate each other and uh and then you know i feel like as you know time went on when there was even more spots there became more comedian so that scarcity complex um uh continued also this is something that happens from women too i'm not men don't only do this but both men and women i think in positions of power also pit women against each other in a way that for them might even be subconscious but when i would come in the comedy store any comedy club would be like so and so this female comic came in she wasn't very good and i'm like why didn't you tell me if a male comic didn't do well like why oh like it's just this subtle pitting women against each other that i didn't fully understand until later like so and so this girl has to go ahead of you or this person wants to change or she's running late and you know she probably just wants to make sure she goes after you so that you're ahead of her like just little things where i felt like the men or women in power the fucking old people quite frankly uh would sort of get off on thinking or they already had in their head that women are catty and don't like each other because that's everyone's that's everyone's kind of baseline idea i forgot about that you're right it's like oh women are yeah exactly women are catty you know how they are you know how they are like you guys all hate each other right so it was like i was already walking into that paradigm and that's a really great way to control people is to divide them you know and i think that the kind of people that work in our business are fucking adrenaline drama addicts anyway and like fucking you know present here and they'd pit us against each other in a way that i now feel like when female comics or friends or any women in male dominated businesses are friends it's kind of an act of resistance you know and i think they don't like it you know when i'm like talking to a female comic in you know uh one of the comedy clubs and people walk by they're like what are they up to like it's collusion i know like they're casting a little coven over there like so i do think that there you know is a fear of women getting close because if we actually just you know like we're able to be in a situation conducive to getting along you know uh you know really good things could happen but i feel like there's so many forces at play keeping us yeah like not liking each other i agree and i i'm like i'm here for the change that we're like experiencing and seeing and like it's also funny that whenever i have a female comedian on the show people like you're so supportive of women this is amazing like no she's my friend like i'm not supporting women right now like i'm having a funny person on that i genuinely like who's special is great like this isn't like an act of charity like there's also that you get like no it is but you get like i feel like i won a contest that's definitely my vibe right now you gave me this hoodie you got the golden ticket this hoodie i'm like literally like this to it i am so happy i call my parents on the way here they're like we can't believe it you won also tell me about your engagement how long has it been oh my god why i have questions i have so many questions for you because i think it is so interesting that you've been in such a long relationship i agree i look at someone who's been in a long relationship like a fucking um remember those things oh copies half giraffe half zebras you guys remember that animal it was called an okapi it was like a remix of two wild animals this is the only this is the thing that you're the only one in the room who knows it for sure i look up okapi it's an okapi it's like a like a centaur kind of i look at people that are in long relationships and i just like i it's like going to the zoo like i can't tell you how amazed fascinated humbled i am by it i just i'm fascinated by people that can just be around other people all the time no so you're wrong or not especially in the pandemic we are that i think we're lucky that we've been together for so long that in the pandemic we can kind of just be like see ya yeah like we are for a while he wasn't he wasn't like in a writer's room so he was able to just stay up all night so we were on completely opposite sleep schedules uh-huh so there's like a comfort there that there's not a neediness anymore and we just we do our own thing how did you know you were in love i mean i was in love with dave the second i saw him really no joke with the second i did you meet through chelsea pretty no we didn't we that was like afterwards where i realized they knew each other we i met him at a party i saw him at a party i was there with lauren greenberg the best greatest person ever um by the way lauren greenberg if i have not told you this story lauren greenberg now runs the james corden she's the head writer at james gordon i and i used to sit with her at her we used to go to her ex-boyfriend's apartment because there was air conditioning so we would sit there because of the air conditioning and she would hand me her phone and i would answer the calls of debt collectors for her yeah and she'd be like lauren this past sorry she's passed and that was all like before you hired her and now she's like running one of the most popular shows on tv this is just i think a really quick um as romney said last week he went this is a tangent even for a podcast i mean but podcast is just one giant tangent but for anyone who is sort of starting out in any field lauren greenberg um i think kevin christie maybe turned on me onto her i was writing shows and i was hiring all these people that had you know tons of credits that had written on these huge shows like frasier and friends and mad about you and all the shows that i grew up loving and i realized that sometimes when you hire incredibly experienced people um they uh um what's the word they don't care about you you're beneath them give a shit they don't like you yeah they frankly don't like you that's maybe a better way to put it i think there's something to be said for a young girl person who's never written on a show almost being more valuable than someone that's been doing it for 30 years who's written on every show because it's just sort of like there's not an excitement there's not an alacrity about doing it there's just sort of not a a a grit that i think is so essential through writing shows there's not a dismissiveness of like oh that's not gonna work it's like well that just shuts down your creativity you know yeah and so that's why i'm so people have this like eye roll thing about young millennials now like they're so like needy and annoying and whatever the stereotype is i completely disagree like young people if you just get your ego out of the way like they can teach you so much so i just like young people who haven't already been programmed to think a certain way yeah you know it's like when you hook up with a guy who's been in a long relationship and he goes down on you and like does something like super specific and you're like okay i now know exactly how your ex has an orgasm i know so much about her but let's just regroup she's like and you're like okay all right like copy that i know her inside and out but we're gonna have to start over female body they're like snowflakes everyone is different so the same thing kind of happens in any chat in any job you know so someone recommended me this girl lauren greenberg she had hilarious tweets and i called her in and she right she was very nervous she was incredibly nervous in the meaning which i see i love that i loved it i hate it when people pretend they're something they're not and then you have to enter into some shitty like bad long-form improv with them you know what i'm saying i like it when someone's just like i'm really nervous this is very overwhelming i'm like great this is a person that tells the fucking truth i already love you yeah you're already not pretending you can like are doing something or i know you're not going to lie to me moving forward you know there's nothing worse than someone's like i got that and they have no idea how to do it and by the way i always believe that person i'm like oh they got it they said they got it i'm following them i'm like no no no never goes well the person who always says i know i got it no problem that person is like a fucking mess and nothing's gonna get done right i like the person that's like i don't know how to do this could someone teach me and i'm like i can trust you i know that you're gonna get the solution instead of pretend you know something you don't yeah so lauren comes in she's nervous she's like i'm really nervous i'm like i already love you we start talking i guess her mom had put her on a dating app without telling her yeah lauren is a funny like her story is wild and she was working at a company that measures your food ahead of time for you like with scoops yeah likes pre-measured scoopers so that you could like like ascertain how many calories you're about to eat anyway we start talking she's she's like shy and nervous i can tell which is what uh how i was in the beginning and then she just like started crying no way i swear to god lauren no and i was like uh and i knew i was gonna give her the job and i'm such a dick that i was like oh shit tell her should i wait oh i'm gonna wait i'm gonna make her sweat it out yeah then i was like i'm gonna make her sweat it out and then uh because i don't you have to like run it by like hr before you officially hire someone right and uh especially if they're crying yeah she wasn't crying and to me i think most people would leave that meeting going i cried in a meeting i just blew it yeah you know and i remember just going someone who is that raw and that close to their emotions is like the quarterback for a fucking writer's room oh yeah and they're the funniest person oh wait like she is so damaged she's that she just might work like i know she is funny like she's literally on the verge of tears at all times you're hired and you know what else i liked about her anyone that is working in a job where you're not sure if you uh how you work like people we all work differently right the same way we all remember things differently like if i need to learn something i'll make a song out of it or i'll record it on voice memos and listen back to it that's just how i learn i'm not a very visual learner i'm a very audio learner knowing how you work when i first started writing on the roasts i was not good in a room like i wasn't like snap snap snap snap like i would just get shut down because i at the time i was just too insecure and i was like so worried about laughing at everyone else's jokes to make them feel good that i wasn't thinking of my own jokes whereas in a writer's room you kind of just have to like you know not laugh at anybody else it's it's always it's also weirdly competitive and stuff and then i would go away and write for two hours alone and pound out four pages of jokes and then send them in yeah that's just how my brain worked yeah that's how lauren was too in a room she was kind of quiet but then she was the sniper who would you know and i started learning i was like lauren you want to just break off and she'd go off and just send in 10 pages of brilliant jokes i've had the exact same experience with her she wrote on a web series i did for mtv called esther with hot chicks like literally maybe eight years ago and she was quiet and then she was the funniest dude she made it complete quiet with weak not the best lesson of that because she you ca i can't do anything without her punching it up she is so funny it is she lives and breeds comedy writing but at the same time who she is it just doesn't make any sense but the loudest person is not necessarily the most talented is not necessarily the most competent it's not necessarily the funniest or the best at their job you know ben and i fight about this all the time because benton when he's quiet i fill in the blanks with my own insecurities it's this awful mad lives game i'm like are you mad at me what are you doing why aren't you talking to me and he's like i'm just focusing like i i think that i have that with dave too insecure people sometimes we think that the person in the meeting that talks the most is the best at their job and that is not necessarily true yeah it's interesting learning all these things like it's like oh we've been around the block we know something i know it's because i used to just like i was the person the meeting that was like talk the whole time but say nothing of value my favorite person the meeting says nothing and then speaks at the end just hold let everyone else embarrass themselves do your research do some recon let everyone else screw up raise your hand and have the fucking solution be the fucking mic drop you know be the sniper that comes in later be quiet be quiet advice we're giving women be quiet lean out do not lean in lean out shut your poor mouth okay i'm obsessed with this company hold on this is we're taking a break to talk about stitch fix but i want to pull it up on my computer because i was on their website will you start talking and then by the time yeah i find it all chinese i'm really very thankful for this company sorry i'm stitch um sorry that was a fart i'm super super thankful for this company because uh you need it you need it desperately and you need it truly and you know what i'm fine with that like this company they do these incredible styling arrangements where they pick your clothes fruit you take a quiz and you tell them their sizes and they'll send you the clothes you should be wearing yeah so you're not really we all need it so you're not left your own devices like me because i am constitutionally incapable of just buying versatile basics yeah and they will send you clothes that first of all fit which you know when i order clothes from most uh websites i three i order three i order a small medium large try them all on and then return the two that don't fit because i never know what's going to fit ever but stitch fix they're it's basically a personal styling company that makes getting the clothes you love effortless in a time where everything is difficult this is not written on the copy this is me just for you they give you the clothes you need not the clothes you love because nowhere in the quiz does it say do you like shopping at gas stations there are no options to have nine vintage wolf shirts delivered to you but i won't do it stitch fix and i are gonna talk about it we're going to get we're going to have a creative meeting but no this this company is amazing because you know sometimes you go shopping and you come home and realize you have no clothes that you can actually wear to work or that you can actually wear to a wedding or you could actually wear it a professional environment you're like i have nine velour vintage running shorts and i got two pairs of you know uh crocodile knee-high boots for the club but i don't have a i don't have a white oxford shirt for a freaking zoom meeting um so what they do is they basically you go to stitchfix.com whitney set up your profile and they're going to deliver clothes personalized just for you color style and budget which i love because i also i wear like four colors yeah i've picked four colors they're the ones that work for me and i'm just like only semi stuff in this cause there's nothing more annoying when you find something really cute and it just comes in only one dumb color and you're like god damn it yeah like chartreuse like what is this yeah with cerulean you pay 20 for a styling fee for each fix which is credited towards anything that you keep right so you can schedule at any time there's no subscription required if you're commitment phobic and shipping returns and exchanges are easy and free if you're not looking uh at the youtube i'm holding up this dress that i really really want but you are looking at this how cute is that oh well if you're not look on youtube i'm on the stitch fix website hold on do you see that's beautiful how cute it looks like the galaxy yeah it's like a i don't think they would send this to me necessarily i'm probably not hip and or young enough but it's this really cute navy blue dress that's like knee link long sleeve that looks like paint splatter constellation and i really yeah everything is gorgeous and the fact that they they cater to your style and your budget is really unique and i also yeah it's like going on 50 websites to look for clothes it's like it's 4 30 by the time you're done looking for one outfit you don't have to type in horses in every search box on every website this one will just find them all at once get started today at stitchfix.com whitney and you'll get 25 percent off when you keep everything in your fix stitchfix.com whitney for 25 off when you keep everything in your fix stitch fix dot com slash whitney benton first came in this morning with a sussex accent which i love how how was that it's can you read the copy in it please about article furniture i mean i have to get into it you look gorgeous you look beautiful today it's article when it's time for a change your home is the perfect place to store article makes it easy to create space that reflects for you personally keep your eyes peeled and your instagram open for inspirational features and articles latest collection darling um is that pretty good yeah that was actually very impressive it's it's almost too good to be too funny i was actually just like wondering if you had a dialect coach um for this podcast they can teach me everything but english okay so i'm obsessed with article furniture uh truly no shirley is obsessed she has more outdoor article furniture than she has outdoors i i got i i think that my home style is so weird that i just can never find any furniture that i like and it's it's so much pressure because it's such a commitment you're like the idea is to have this forever like i change my style my hair my eyeliner i i don't wanna have to change my chair once a year like i want something that i know my future self is gonna like and everything i see on that website i know i'm gonna like in 20 years yeah you've loved everything you've got both i mean i love everything i have too my favorite uh i have two outdoor chairs that i got that are almost like this really like chic like scandinavian rustic modern there it's just like it's just like a perfect architecture and then didn't i just ordered it and we built those chairs and they were super easy to put together yeah i and then i appreciate because i hate ordering furniture and it's like 40. it's just like a nightmare i know you like get a sciatica trying to assemble them and then what was what did i just order i was like you ordered two more outdoor chairs i know but they know they're loungers they're these gorgeous gorgeous loungers that i'm gonna put outside my bedroom it's like your antoinette you need a fainting couch everywhere you go like at any moment you can just pass out i need the opportunity to lay down in case i get the vapors could you imagine oh but i mean we almost ruined our friendship with me making sure you ordered this article because you asked me she doesn't send a link she'll like order this it's not like i did it and she's like did but did you order it but where is that and i'm like i did order it'll be here the end of may you're like but did you order it no i lied it's a fun game i like to play article combines the curation of boutique furniture store with the comfort and simplicity of shopping online articles team of designers focus on beautifully crafted pieces quality materials durable construction dedicated to a modern aesthetic of mid-century this is the perfect way to describe it they know how to describe it maybe i should just leave it to them mid-century scandinavian industrial and bohemian that is the perfect way i mean gorgeous furniture if you get it i mean everyone around you will be like i'm sorry are you the most successful i know what i know i know it's just like it's all so chic it's so classic it's so um what's the opposite of corny it's like um jams yeah potatoes it's just like it it just it also is so um scrumptious like it's like uh very uh effortless yeah delicious i don't know i can't you guys got the point right i can't explain it it just makes me feel so fancy it makes me feel like such an adult uh also ridiculously fair prices you save up to 30 off traditional retail prices you know me i've open other websites constantly and look for chez lounges and i'm like i'm not paying two thousand dollars for like i just refuse i don't lounge that bad yeah honestly i'd rather lean yeah i'd rather lean against the wall than pay that you can't really relax in a lounge chair if you if it was five thousand dollars i'll all i will just lie there resentment this is your life savings you can't relax i know there's nothing relaxing about it knowing that you paid a reasonable price is half of why it's relaxing in the first place but article they're super fast shipping that's contactless now they got right they drop it off right free on orders over 999 dollars oh yeah offer is uh article is offering our listeners 50 off your first purchase of 100 or more go to article.com whitney and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout take a picture of it and send it to me tag me i'll repost it that's an amazing deal 50 i know that's crazy and we're at home a lot now so now is the time it's summer to refresh your patio or front yard or bedroom that's article.com whitney to get 50 off your first purchase of 100 or more i love article there uh everything in the background of my photos in my backyard are article furniture if you want to see some pieces at this point that's true as women and the men listening this is important uh to know as well like that it has taken so long for us to get a seat at the table that it's like i have so much to say and like i really need to like prove my worth and i think you know there's this sort of urgency to contribute and to finally be included and we feel like we have to like earn our spot that we already have it's it's fun you get the spot and now it's a date it's a daily countdown to when i'm gonna lose this you know this has to be ephemeral and you know i think that for me in what i do i talked way too much in meetings all the time because i was so insecure that people were like cause now there's this new moment where people go oh you only got that job because you're a girl whereas it used to be you didn't get a job if you're a woman now it's like oh you just got that because we have to meet like a girl quota yeah and and i always wanted to prove i didn't just get this because i'm a girl and they needed to check a box you know what i mean yeah so i over compensate um speaking of overcompensating i good segue like a true comic i found one of my favorite i have a couple things for you okay so and by the way you know what we're gonna do after this what i'm gonna let you go through my purse okay okay uh esther does this brilliant thing on her special where she goes through audience members purses and it's so fun to watch i cannot wait okay so i found so my what is one of my favorite eye products oh i it's the glossier skywatch but but there's a catch i brought it for you in the worst color that it comes in i think i'm wearing the worst color eyeliner right now called lawn yeah open it up it's so i don't know how anyone makes this work it's for the i call it the whitney challenge is you put the ugliest color on your eye and then you post it all over social media a color that you have no chance at it making you look better or flattered it's absolutely horrible how sick can you make yourself look this is for you and i do think it needs to be the witty challenge and everyone needs to do it i would like to be clear that on the podcast table is this yellow which is what i have i don't see it weirdly you are making it work you think in person it's looking like it's it's making your eye color pop so i am ready oh my gosh this truly is the whitney challenge this is a shrek how about this is literally just the color of baby shit but bye and i have to try to make this work by the way there are so many hot girls out there though that love this and this color and i don't know how or why is it eye liner or i should say it's a shadow so you know you can like line the just the where you have your liner now oh you're gonna oh no she's doing it now we're gonna do the whitney challenge oh no right now oh no oh no we have to stop am i losing sponsors as i do this right now is article furniture dropping out as i do this ritual vitamins is like we're good is anything happening how's it i put it over yellow yeah so it's gonna be crazy oh there we go i can put makeup on without i've seen you do this which is really sad i've seen you pre pandemic just pull out in the middle of a comedy club and put your dirty ass finger into a concealer and rub it on your face you're just like filthy sometimes the animal this is my concealer that i literally before i do anything i just stick my dirty ass finger in it and then do that it's it's quite gross and then right here i need that yeah i know i need to like you got to do it a little bit around your lip sometimes yeah okay so i put a little bit of i did a little whitney challenge but i think this is like the green and the yellow mix it kind of looks good do i look jaundiced it kind of looks good damn it how ill did that i like how did they come on here just to try to make me look ugly as hideous like mean girls this is genius okay so we're gonna start the whitney challenge in honor of esther it's definitely an honor of you and whatever for whatever sick reason how did this start how did the the colored eyeliner thing start i lo i feel like you came here today with an agenda i feel like you've been thinking about this for a while i have because the blue i loved the blue really but then it's you know what you did you do what dave says i do which is like you take a nice thing and then you make it sick you it's like because once i started cooking and cleaning in the pandemic i was like oh my god like this is so cool and then i and then i made it sick by saying like now you need me now you could dave you could never leave right right right for you so you're is it pathologize is that the word i'm looking for yes yes yes no i can turn anything into a sick codependent addiction like anything that starts out fun will then turn into some kind of uh obligation or uh sick addiction or way to hurt myself um this i don't really know how this started i think i just started going full jack nicholson in the shining with having to be home for those of you that don't live in california california has been shut down four months yeah and i have left the premises maybe twice um and i was just getting so bored that i started ordering colored eyeliners and putting on like electric blue eyeliner because fuck it i never got to have like a fun twenties and i feel like i'm having it now i i i relate to i'm like the mom that's gonna steal her husband like her her daughter's boyfriend i'm just like i never had my 20s like i feel like that's the route i'm going um i i don't think any of it looks good it's just it makes it entertains me i think it's cool i think it's good for the makeup the pro makeup movement yeah we need you we need someone who's going to experiment especially like a casual quarantine way you know a lot about makeup i do yeah i think another confidence but you had a big makeup uh youtube uh no so i have a makeup podcast called glowing up which you will be on i'm warning you i would i truly love to and we talk a lot about like skin care makeup food like we're obsessed with what celebrities eat yeah stuff like that oh interesting we'll have you on there i would love i would love yeah i don't i don't really know how this happened i also i think it also this is so gross but that's what we do on this podcast is we like tell our deepest darkest secrets i wear too much lip gloss i thought that was my everyone's got their thing eyeliner mascara blush like if you could only wear one thing what would it be mascara mascara okay interesting yeah mine would be foundation right whoa scary no well it's been a pleasure and mine would be foundation that's what i'm the most insecure about um but i always wear like too much lip gloss and on the podcast it just looks crazy and i also uh started getting zits around my lips that like looked like herpes so i was like i'm going to stop wearing so much lip gloss and then i was like but i got to go crazy with the eyeliner just attention at all costs really does at all costs bad attention i'll take it i also think like as i get older like i don't it's weird i i when i was younger i was like so precocious and that was my thing and i like dressed like annie hall and like wore blazers and i feel like now i like dress from like the kids from stranger things and i'm like wearing colored eyeliner well i do i'm like benjamin button i feel like when we were doing stand-up like you know 10 years ago there was a little bit of a pressure to kind of dress like a guy don't ever show anything huge like don't let them just be distracted by your chest yes hide it all and now i feel like we're just finally becoming a little you're allowed to be feminine yeah that said i am wearing an oversized t-shirt and sweatpants and that is just who i am um as dave says i dress like a celebrity who just got off a like six-hour flight i would say you look like you're dressed like a celebrity who just got out of rehab but okay oh that's true that's true you do say that all the time um but yeah no it is fun to kind of like feel that's interesting you and i were facetiming uh and i was like it was like a weird and i was like you have boobs that is so weird like same thing in our business like you can know someone for years and have no idea the shape of their body because of the way that we have to dress to try to not make male comics want to fuck us or not make it our fault when they do that's true how could you beguile me with that waistline i see esther like coming down the hallway and i'm like is that a sleeping bag like what are you wearing what is hap is that a snuggie is that a slanket i mean you do really dress it's i don't i can't tell if it seems healthy is it like have you out like zippers or just not you're not a zipper person that's just never been for you i like to be comfortable i respect that thank you i do it doesn't sound like i know i know i i just lied and i felt it i actually cannot lie as someone who is a pathological liar in my entire 20s i don't do it anymore and i'm rusty and that was a horrible i was i literally was like i know i respect that i looked up into my head that was like lying 101. uh i just lied to you uh that's called authenticity folks i i i don't i okay the truth is i did am i like a creepy old man i did love watching your special and see you all dolled up and i remember going why does she hide that cute as a button body am i a creepy old man i remember like why doesn't you dress like this all the time i was cat calling you in my head that is the greatest compliment i could ever receive and annie letterman is always like esther you look like you just you woke up five minutes before your spot and you were in a panic let's just not take fashion advice from annie who wears like uh she dresses like uh like madonna in um uh desperately seeking she really does she absolutely does but by the way i saw her on your instagram the other day in like a like a baby blue jacket and we've we found she found her groove okay she found the whitney approval yes but what what what women in their clothes is very emotional right it's there's something going on when we wear clothes i think to um sort of solve a problem well yeah to flatter your body yeah for me and what yeah this you oh i thought it was a compliment and it is the opposite i thought she was going what you're so you have such a flattered body type it was a what you dress like shit okay i don't want to forget this question oh that i have for you okay you are you don't think you are but the way i view you is as like the queen of productivity and i just want to know have you gotten into a pandemicy productivity groove and if so what what is it what advice do you have because i want productivity advice from the woman who is like had 14 shows on the air at one time and like that's called addiction um that's called workaholism uh you know i for some reason i there's this people think that i'm like super productive i appreciate that and i guess the person who is truly uh obsessively overly productive probably would never think they have produced enough so of course me going you think i'm productive like i think i'm like a complete slob failure i do very well with structure i remember when gary goldman was on the podcast we talked about this i think you and i talked about it on facetime the other day of like how i i can't just like wake up and have a willy-nilly like i'll get to it when i get to it because it's four o'clock and i've only like organized my candle drawer you know like i just can't be left to my own devices i do well with routine i also get really brutal migraines which means i have to kind of like do the same thing at the same time every day does that mean like food and water kind of yeah wake up coffee food water you just have to have routine so i feel like that was kind of my brain's way of like force i sort of like thank my migraines for helping me be so productive because they force me to be sort of rigid in my scheduling but i'm gonna say something crazy you know i'm so glad that you asked that because i think i've learned something this quarantine which is that productivity is not necessarily um i think what you ostensibly think productivity is so here's 15 pages of a script or here's 48 jokes or here's you know whatever you're the blog you're writing or whatever like for me the the my productivity has to do with how i'm living my life in a way where i can actually write about life so in order for art to imitate life you have to have a life and i realized as you know there's a reason my last special was about a robot i had become a robot in life and i was not i noticed i was not living i was i was i think i was so obsessed with being productive which if i'm gonna be honest is a lot about my fear of aging and the fact that i have been programmed to believe that i am literally a ticking clock and i'm slowly rotting every day right i did freeze my eggs um by some weird uh weird uh stroke of luck i just i knock that out of the way but i do have in my head this totally artificial stop date where i'm like i can only do this till i'm 40. i can only be on camera until i'm 40. no one's gonna want to see my face on camera after you know like i've just that's when i got in this business like i was getting offered mom rolls when i was 27 you know like it's no one wants to see an older woman on camera i think that's starting to change and i think people are starting to realize actually women like are at their best like we start discarding women in this business when they are at their peak but i don't know who wouldn't relate to that because it's like it feels like that in work for our business but also like relationships you know like i just there's there is this rush in this clock yes thank you for bringing that up yeah it's i i know i really i'm glad you admitted to that because i feel like oh yeah like same like i get it i don't know i know so many people who are like i have to find the person by 27. it's like you don't even know who you are at 27. you know you don't need to marry someone before 30 like you might be a completely different i mean if i had married the person i was with when i was 25. ugh i would be visiting a prison every weekend that's a secret to me in dave's relationship as we met when i was 24 so he's dated 17 different women over the last eight years he's had so many different spicy people come through so that's how we keep it fresh like four days he's been in ten relationships you've been in one i will just say what my mom says poor dave or but no you're right like yeah but you're also you're incredibly uh you're seekers and you're like you've grown together yeah you know like you have to have someone who's and also all the iterations of you in your 20s were already probably saner than me um now frankly but you know i think that i have this fear that i only have a certain amount of time and then it's going to be pencils down and i think that is a part of why i am so productive it's it's really fear driven frankly what isn't i also think that i you know i hate to do this like when i was a woman and starting in our business like sunset boulevard or something but it it i do feel like i had to work twice as hard all the time just for people to take me seriously so i think in my head i was like if you just work harder than anyone no one can say you didn't deserve it no one can say you fucked people to get where you are like i just like that was also a very intentional way to inoculate myself against accusations that i didn't get anything that i didn't deserve yeah cause that that my imposter syndrome is already so intense that i didn't want that but i i believe that fear can be a really healthy engine if you know how to turn it off and how to manage it and you know what it is you know you have are someone that i feel like has a lot of fear and you channel it for good things also i mean you've started like four businesses and quarantine pathetic i love it like david's just like what hole are you trying to fill it's just like what is it i love it so you started truly just started a tie-dye clothing business i did i did bring you some can't wait you have given me different instructions throughout the quarantine so i hope i got it right but let me ask you a question how can you tell because you know i mean two broke girls the show that i made with michael patrick king was just about girls starting businesses that's true yeah like i'm obsessed with girls that are just able to go like you know i'm going to start this business i have this idea i want to make this jewelry i want to make this purse like how do you go from i have this idea to actually executing it and getting like credit card numbers you i'm serious it's easier than you think like you know i just i started tie-dying i was obsessed with it and i'm like i am running out of things to tie-dye and so i just decided you just tie-dyed my face with this green eyeliner you gave me wait i want to show you what i made for you and then i'm gonna make you sort of oh my god it's very whitney come on it's this is i call this that i spilled my grandma's wine t-shirt and matching mask because my grandma's an alcoholic i'm obsessed with these colors you are you said you want a dark tie-dye you know that pink and red is my power combo oh my god that's genius um but yeah no i just decided like this was something fun to do and it's not that hard to build a shopify it's like it wasn't that hard and that's kind of been the oh my god yes yes i love that bra oh my god this is so good on with my red jeans too um the motto of my quarantine is like i can do that you know like oh my god i want to eat a scallion pancake at home i can make it because my whole life i've been the person that's like how do you do that i don't know how to do it so my motto is just like you can figure out the things that look scary to you and that's that's why you're now looking so cute here we are so you basically were like i'm just gonna buy a bunch of t-shirts that i'm gonna pay for yeah and then i'm gonna tie-dye them and i take pictures of them and then i throw them online and then i post about them it's really that simple i i know it's because i look at you as like i could never do that like i can't even wrap my head around that but see that's the person i always have been my whole life is like how do you do that like yeah so now i'm just like you can do it you figure it out you google you watch youtube like there's just ways to figure shit out right that's like my motto of being in a pandemic yeah because we're stuck at home yeah like it's you can't use that i don't have time excuse i mean like people are working of course still but that's just like where i'm at i also just think there's something so amazing about something you truly enjoy doing and that you don't even realize could be a business yeah it's not this is a hobby business let's make it clear it is for charity but it this is a hobby hopefully maybe someday it'll be a real business i would love to do clothing instead of comedy if we're being honest i wouldn't mind making that transition wouldn't be the worst thing for me um but yeah i am obsessed with that because there's so many things that i really enjoy sort of doing that i'm kind of like weirdly good at but it would never occur to me like oh there's a business here you know yeah like well you are doing fine i should be a dog trainer let's just face it that's true i should be a horse uh liberty trainer and i think chelsea party should be an interior designer and should design chelsea ferretti should just be the governor like chelsea peretti is our sort of third i feel like i just got in on your friendship i'm like the third wheel of you and chelsea pretty's friendship and it's taught me a lot because like they'll facetime me in the morning and we'll like talk for 30 minutes no not about anything in particular frankly anything at all it's just more of a like a webcam it's just more like we watch each other make coffee like it's a very voyeuristic thing and then they'll call me back again at like nine and i truly my brain is like did they just pocket dial me and i'm like hey guys what's up and then i i truly get confused and i'm like didn't we talk this morning and chelsea just went it's called female friendship i know you we're teaching you and i just realized that because again because of what i do all my friends are like male comics that i talk to like once every couple months isn't it weird i'm learning that guys don't talk about stuff with each other it's so weird or to us you know as you may have noticed in the news recently you know and i think i've been in a lot of friendships i think it's really interesting and i think a lot of people can relate to this like your work friendships don't count yeah it's full friendships they don't you know so you gotta talk outside of work you gotta like be hanging out that's not an emotional support system the people that are paid to talk to you at work they don't have a choice in the matter it's also very recent that men and women are sharing a space all day yeah it started like 30 years ago we don't have a ton of practice being together 12 hours straight and like not flirting or not you know i mean it's definitely very weird and i was uh hiking with my lover yesterday and uh we were walking on a hike that was the weirdest it was a robot that's starting to power down uh do you two be plugged in he's coming in a smacker on her and we were hiking and this group of like three guy hikers were walking towards us and he my lover like waved at them and was like hey guys what's up and i was like what are you doing and he was like i was just saying hi and i was like oh like i can't say hi to people on a hike or i'm flirting yeah like you know so sometimes you're just trying so hard to not you know be this what they think you are or give them permission to then you know enter your space it was just i didn't realize like how much energy i just put into like saying hi to strangers or like making sure it worked people don't think i'm flirting with them but also that i'm nice it's it takes up a lot of real estate in your brain well it's interesting because i can see how and i've seen this happen literally the last 10 years with so many women people will assume oh she's mean but it's like you're just like afraid like i just like don't want to like be overly friendly to everyone because i don't know what that's going to mean to them and i see that with every female comedian i know except for annie who is way too nice to everyone and it's a problem and it's so annoying going anywhere with her because she's makes friends with everyone would teach their own so funny um but yeah it's like oh you might seem mean but it's like you're just like i think that safely we also have to make sure that we like like remove ourselves from whatever someone's projecting on to us you know it's like i feel like kevin christie told me once uh he used to go on the road with me he was like about 40 minutes into every show someone gets removed like and he goes about 40 minutes in you turn into every man's ex-wife like i think i told this uh when maybe fred armisen was on like one time this guy that i got into the show he like needed tickets emailed me got him seats the whole deal like 40 he was laughing the whole time in like 40 minutes in i made some joke about like guys who have coin jars you know guys have jars of coins you know and i was like something about coin jar and he just went that's so we can pay for your shit like he just snapped like i just i he he saw like his ex-wife's face like you know in cartoons when like um the coyote would see the roadrunner and it would just like turn into a pork chop in like a bubble like that's what happens and i think a lot of times people project onto us you know and they're like i'm like this feels old like when someone's like are you fresh yeah when someone's like are you mad at me i'm like this feels old this feels like you're turning me into someone else your mother your sister your ex like someone got like something virgin mary like i don't know this isn't mine yeah you know yeah and i think that um i do think people's default when women are somewhat quiet are they're a bitch they're cold they're frigid and then when a man is quiet it's sort of like he's just busy yeah you know yeah and i get it i'm guilty of it too like sometimes yeah someone doesn't know someone doesn't say hi to me and i'm like they hate me they hate me yes and i'm like why didn't i say hi they think the same thing now like that was and and you're sort of circling each other but yeah i just think that like that perseverating in your brain like that has your reaction to someone not talking to you has so much more to do with you than with them yeah that's like an opportunity to learn about your default inner monologue yeah what would you say are your main fears in life i'm going to talk through your fears no no no [Laughter] well i kind of i feel like you're allowed to be mad at me about this um i was watching your special and i was like literally the first thing i thought because i am a creepy old man i was like and i was with my lover and uh we were frankly being predatory and i was like she looks fucking stunning like like drop dead gorgeous and then you had the audacity frankly to challenge my reality and like say your appearance well i just was like i think there's a little dysmorphia going on not that there's a judgment as someone who's incredibly dysmorphic i think we all have some kind of dysmorphia but i think it's worth like talking about yeah i get this feedback i and i'm totally comfortable with it i i hear you when i started i'm not saying see yourself a different way none of us will ever be able to do that they say that they've taught me this they say if you were able if you ran into yourself on the street you wouldn't recognize yourself that's how dysmorphia i always think about that because you told me that it's very it's like shocking to hear but i'm like oh that makes sense i when i start a comedy this is my defense and it's just and i'm not attacking you i know you're not this is a this is a very aggressive and i'm not this is a compliment that is an insult wrapped in a compliment that i'm not defending myself but worth noting when i started comedy i was very different i was a bit frumpier like i had just i went to i went away to college and i was miserable i gained 30 pounds i was like didn't feel a guy had not hit on me ever like by the way i hate it let me just say this i hate it when you're feeling gross and not your best and someone's like but you look gorgeous and you're like i need to put makeup on you don't need to wear makeup i fucking hate that shit this isn't about what you think of me it's what i think of me yeah so so i just want to be very clear about that thank you wait did you just scratch your face did i do something do you see there's a little red on your face i'm scared okay now hold on it's not bad hold on no just don't touch me i just don't touch it oh sorry we're in a did you i think it was just a little piece of um like lipstick or something is it cool it's gone now i think you just scratched your face and it left a little more a little red mark because you're such a delicate flower like how i look it's fine now um yeah i i i needed to adjust a little bit because some you know that was my first special so there was stuff in there that might feel like it doesn't fit who i am now and i tried to cut most of that but i i know what you mean and we are dysmorphic and we do see ourselves i think it's important to talk about though you know i think there's something really powerful to me like like going oh my gosh this girl's so gorgeous and this is our society is so fucked up that this is the way we see ourselves you know it was just sort of like there was something really powerful about it and there was something um really poignant about that well i i feel that with you a lot too where i always i think i've said this to you before but like you are not what you you don't match what you look like at all you know like because you're this like tall really attractive like powerful woman but you're really weird and you dress quite frankly confusing you don't dress for what you have it's just it's and that's you've been a lesson to me that like oh not every hot girl is like perfect and like like talks like this you know you're you're weird too which has been really fun for me to learn part of why we're soul mates but you know it was it was interesting it really brought up a lot for me like if you have a uh triggered reaction to something it's all yours and i remember going like oh my god i the fact that i was like why doesn't she wear a skirt all the time like what kind of fucking nasty pervy monster am i so nice you know complimentary i really i think there's something super fucking rebellious and badass that we just get to dress like we shop at gas stations like shit say it like shit you know like i just feel like there's so much shit like i was um fighting with uh taylor tomlinson the other day i mean it was a it was a real fight i mean it was like a full because there was a comedian who i think is brilliant female comic who was wearing in one of her specials like like a shirt that was just like a little sloppy like the way that i dress all the time frankly and i was like why isn't she like dressing up a little bit it's her special like i want everyone to like be a tv star and i'm like and i'm like fully male gazing at being like and he's she's like are you telling a woman like are you trying to say a woman should dress sexy and i was like i think i am like i guess i'm sexist like what is this like i really have so much old nasty programming yeah about how i do too should dress i absolutely do too and i fully boycott all of it by dressing like a boy from the 70s but i definitely um i get so controlling about how and triggered about how other women dress but i think there's something cool to that because it's it's like oh you have your own taste you have your own idea and i think i always respect that when someone has a take yeah because that's like a comedian thing yeah that's cool what is your advice uh to people in relationships how to sustain um i have none it's well i'm in awe of you be s be committed like despite whatever you know it's like you just know you're staying so it does not matter what has been said what has happened like and also once you go through a certain amount of things in a certain amount of time you're just you get through it and you're like oh we're just like family now and this is incest yeah we're like there's no one i could never re go through all of this with anyone else it's like we're just stuck like and it's but that's out that's kind of like the shitty way of putting it no that is no that's it's bril it's so simple but also so brilliant and um uh a good girlfriend of mine who jenny goodwin who reminds me a lot of you actually uh she said to me once she just went i'm like why are you always in such a good relationship she's in this amazing marriage and i'm just like what and she goes uh she realized she goes oh leaving's not an option so when you fight yeah is not an option and it's something that i never thought of before because the only leverage i've ever had is well i'm gonna fucking leave right you know and you use that and you play that card and you want that's how you're gonna control the person it's like i'm gonna if i'm here what control do i have over you yeah only so i and as someone who saw people break up a lot yeah i i just thought oh if things get hard you fucking leave right you know but the thing is is like i know that if things get hard it's like something that i'm it's like something's wrong with me and i have to go through something it's not like i i had this like big kind of mental break in january where like i was just kind of freaking out about my life and i remember and i was like at one point during it i was like maybe dave is the problem and like the next day i was like dave is not the problem i need to go on medication like he's but you know what i mean like you just kind of it's easy to go through a depression and think oh it's the relationship yeah it's just it's easy to like to point that as a problem but usually that's not the problem i mean obviously it can be the fact that i think the best man ever is the problem is probably exactly yeah that you might but my point is it's not like i'm in some relationship where i'm like everything is perfect he's amazing and like we just can't stop touching each other yeah no like we're just real we're honest we're like i'm like just shut up right now i just sometimes i'll be eating together and he'll be asking me questions and i'm like i just want to eat right now like i don't want to talk while i'm eating and he's like okay thanks for telling me i love that that's because that's my thing don't you run out of shit to talk about yeah i am so in awe of people in long relationships i'm like oh like how was your day like it's a groundhog day it's like dude like i do need to be able to be in something where i can go like can we just take a day where i just don't talk it's like you need that i need that i need a lot of time to recharge that's what we have too and also like he'll like do this thing where he'll tuck me in like he'll say goodnight to me i go to bed and he goes and does like work and i put my hair in pink tails and put on a little school girl it's like super normal and almost every night i'll be like he'll be like okay good night and he'll be walking out of the room and i'm like what are you gonna do and he's like stop asking me that he's like don't ask me what am i gonna do i can't stand it you know what i'm gonna do so it's like just i'm gonna go jerk off to porn just like the ability to that's but i like that in all my relationships friendships just the ability to be like shut up yeah ask me that yeah like you're annoying me yes yes okay and a quick recovery time of not internalizing yeah you know like like that i think it's not about the absence of fights it's not that there are never going to be arguments it's about if you're able to deal with them maturely not blow them out of proportion and recover quickly forgive quickly yeah but i think that i don't want to blow past this because it's like i do think so much of the way we have altercations with the person we're in relationships with hinges on but this could end this could be it so if you're just like we're in this it's like all of a sudden the things you're fighting about yeah the things you're fighting about just sort of get de-escalated because you're like okay well what's gonna happen we're staying together so what are we doing here like let's just skip to the end of the movie here we know how this is gonna end why are we doing this but by the way i don't wanna come on here and talk like oh we're together forever it's perfect like we're engaged and that was for me what was really important is and that's why he hates when i say this but i a little bit strong-armed him into proposing to me he hates when i say that but wasn't like four years in it was many more than that okay so yeah no that's not that is the most insane thing i've ever heard it's you're not strong-arming someone after seven years but once we were engaged frankly he he had it too good for too long oh no he's gonna get mad [Laughter] once [Laughter] once we're engaged i got a lot more secure and i got a little bit more normal and less crazy but we weren't engaged and i was like mad i was low-key like mad at him for a while and acting out and like you you know i had this like resentment that he hadn't proposed to me but now that we're engaged i don't even need to get married i'm like yeah i just have a security that i realizing i needed i was insecure i needed that i love that you can just say that and i think that that is so important that it it's important it tells the world there's a reason there it tells the world you can kind of stop thinking about it yeah you know but by the way it it's all meaningless he could break up with me any day like that's yes of course fake thing right but it just for some reason like gave me people it'd be harder it'd be harder to leave you know so much of marriage giving a ring back you know yeah sort of like it's a family diamond it's not going back to you no matter what it'd be an incredible speaking of strong arming you would have to strong-arm this ring off me in my sleep you know i do think though i remember as a person who again made a show about what's the point of marriage why do we have to sign something why do we have to do what are all these sort of like formalities like what is all these traditions like i'm the person that's like marriage was invented in order to keep land in the family like i had all a million things to get out of you know to sort of deal with uh what is actually just frankly fear of intimacy and fear of someone seeing me completely because i just figure if someone sees everything they'll be disgusted by me right so i was talking to uh my friend kevin christie who we've talked about already on this podcast and we were he's the smartest he's so smart when i matter of fact no bullshit kevin is kevin is to me as whitney cummings is to you kevin is who i call when i need an answer to something and he also brilliant artist he's been doing brilliant work during the quarantine um artists are making incredible things i'm starting to be grateful for this pandemic um but he said uh something to me once and i was like what's the point of getting married what's the point of marriage like why do you have to do the whole thing like write it out the whole regular role and he goes weddings are important rituals so that your friends hold you accountable you know so that everyone in your life like you can't pull a fast one you can't worm your way out you can't cheat we all fucking drove to santa barbara we put on suits we sat through this thing we paid for hotels and we're we're gonna hold you accountable you know we're gonna bear witness to this choice you made and like there's no secrets anymore there's no rigmarole anymore you know and i think that i appreciated that you know like i i i liked that idea i like that like you know you get 50 people there to go yeah we see you and we're not going to let you be shady and we're now all acting accordingly we're a part of this we're a part of this yeah i got you a wedding gift we're not gonna do a secret trip to vegas like i got you a voss you know what i mean like i'm not the friend who's gonna participate in that shit you know i we've all made an agreement that you're not going to be fucking scummy you know i i i had never heard it put that way before you know i like that your family is here your grandma almost had a stroke on the fucking plane like this is so i i now i now i under i don't know why i needed to be explained the value of that ritual but that's okay i know that's okay it's okay to be you people that have to explain very basic things to me that most people learned at like 12. i'm learning now dave says i have a similar thing yeah you're learning how to live at 30 well i think comedians are very much like were the people that mock tradition and criticize tradition and want to question everything and then i'm like oh i get why this has been being done for thousands of years right it works oh actually actually i do want to be normal yeah i do yeah like i'm the person i mean i was in a fight with someone the other day about like drinking water and she was just like are you arguing with me about drinking water like i was like you don't need egg glasses a day like you can get water from other things like if you have fruit or watermelon and she was just like are you do you have a hot take on hydration what's the point like why are you arguing you know like i think it's valuable to question everything but there's also a point where you have to go like you know what so esther does this hilarious thing in her special where she goes through audience members purses so i thought i would let you go through my purse this is a dream but i also that's why i do what i do i i also haven't used it and like i haven't been going a lot of places so this was my purse like a month ago really yeah i mean i i mean and you don't like empty it out or need it's just so gonna be bad it's so big this is gonna be bad don't go through it okay i feel like this is gonna be very don't pre this is esther's just going through my purse oh this is how you do it okay hold on what why why why whitney why is there a ball a toy that's a dog ball for when i find a stray dog really i always have one this is for stray dogs huh that is so sweet wow oh i've been looking for them they're mine now these are so good you can have them you can have them so gliders keepers it's like the tiffany's of their gummy bears with champagne in them housewares it's called self-care you can have that no no i have 10 boxes of them dry sheets oh i need that this is the um uh yeah dry shampoo wait it's the largest that's not a tr they make these in smaller sizes for the purses though oh my god wait oh no that bag is really sketchy my wallet okay oh stella mccartney wait what's that healing bomb oh this is good stuff it's called all good bomb it's just like what's that oh that's a really good this is a good lip balm i really like it's called oil leo oysso so usually people this is crazy deep pockets with highlighters not makeup highlighters actual office highlighters with the concealer this is a really good i this is a sunscreen stick but i use it as lip balm what uh-huh don't stop don't film her doing that it's very inappropriate what else uh nars lip gloss i'm liking it oh this is a really good lip gloss makeup forever oh i've been looking for this you have a lot of like oh this is a lip stain this is my favorite lip stain that i have used since i was in college it is the body shop lip stain i've been using this for truly 20 years not this spot formulas have been revisited maybe need to like this is my favorite what's that two outs two altoids you never know i do not want to have slamming breath that's my that is truly my nightmare so many loose altoids at the bottom oh look that's a lip balm oh i love this bombed aesthetics i love this brand it's a lip balm that's like a little look how you open it what's that loose altoids anyone she's just holding onto these a lifesaver where the lifesaver is glued to the package you know when it's been in there for too many seasons and it's melted and re-melted and all that oh there's like powders from all the altoids loose gum whitney you're like you're like rich like you shouldn't have loose gum you never know when you're gonna need gum but not have time to unwrap it it's so nasty in here it's so nasty i'm like not enjoying this i know you you under special she does this and it's really fun and funny this is more like sad oh my god i thought this i thought i was like oh she's like a cinnamon stick in her purse that's like so chic like to make it smell good this fucking rawhide this is a bully stick this is a dried bull dick that i use to learn stray dogs when i need to catch them you never know this is just like the lowest option of welch like why i don't even have just lost our welch's sponsorship yeah this isn't really i feel like when you normally do this it's like funny it's just weird what are these bent up pills let me see what kind of pillow what do you think those are these are i think these might be ritual vitamins no they're not i know what ritual vitamins are those are not them they have a little powder in them garlic garlic garlic ginkgo biloba maybe it does smell like oh that take one of these watch out that's covet 19 in a pill the bottom of your i'm sure it's something good i think it's i mean that was basically the vaccine you just took no that was definitely something like a vitamin i'm sure i know this is the smartest thing you have and i want to know why do you carry benedict benadryl that's i don't know i don't know i don't know do you like an allergy you never know when you're gonna need benadryl i'm sorry that i'm just prepared for literally anything here's your pass for when you are on kelly clarkson on january 24th it's july 19th guys it's july 19th this is january 24th whitney does not have hershey's together she's a faker she's she's her purse is disgusting i'm a secret mess i'm secretly a fucking mess this is like when you're not supposed to meet your idols it's just like oh like this is who you really are you're just like me those stars are just like disgusting oh my god thank you for letting me do that that is by the way the fact that that's my cosmetics bag is art [Music] [Laughter] i when i pulled this out i was like oh that must be your makeup bag but then there was a whole other pocket in here filled with makeup so i'm like oh well this is not her makeup bag bitch this is your makeup bag you have hold on one two three i literally or have more makeup in my bag than a clown would try five six seven eight and there was another one nine somewhere wait yeah this one nine and i have two of the same one by the way yeah no i know these are the two of these in one purse nine ten eleven oh my god you have lady gaga makeup oh yeah twelve what am i you have 12 lip products in your purse that's more than anyone needs for a for a in a mansion and you have them in your purse i never know what direction i'm going to want to go in god that is so crazy you know this if you see a child that's really not appropriate that's an a oh uh oh what's that i'm not gonna reveal what that is let me see beta blockers oh i've been looking for these yeah propanol beta blockers oh yeah these are great i'll take some of those home oh i love that this is a sunscreen neutrogena shimmery sunscreen lip balm isn't it crazy that you can have 40 lip balms in your purse but you know you literally need every single one of them so weird i i have 12 lip glosses in here and i none of them can be removed from that bag i need all of them how is the gaga lip gloss which one let me see house laboratory i think it's good i have some i can give you some extra it's a pretty color yeah i like the gaga lip glosses they're good well you guys it's true whitney cummings is just like the rest of us her purse is disgusting she's a hoarder yeah she's a hoarder but she loves her lip she loves her lip products you've really given me a lot to think about they're i think so i feel like you've really held up a mirror too i think and i don't appreciate it and i fully plan on cutting this entire chunk good from the podcast goodbye everyone uh i'm holding up for those of you listening and not watching a hot for my name what is this a latte okay so this is the cutest thing ever i am obsessed with lattes hot for my name yeah it's called the ice top for my name it's half oat milk half coconut milk a little bit of a marinara and that has four shots of espresso so good it's don't drink the whole thing you drink four shots of snow i do half of that so it's this coffee shop in l.a called day glow coffee i'm not making money off this it was just like a promotional fun idea um but yeah if people want to go to dayglow coffee shop this is so it's so cute i also love this bottle i'm gonna keep reusing this bottle it's so cute to hydrate myself this is the thing i'm becoming normal i'm like into coffee now like that's my whole personality now is coffee and tie-dye i'm i'm normal [Laughter] um that's everyone outside of la is like uh what what is that what the fuck is that esther club is esther's podcast yes i listened to a lot of your podcast uh your last episode there was something very soothing about how the first 20 minutes are just announcements it was just sort of like logistics you know it's a lot of logistics set in a very charming way it's a lot of like apologizing for how she's saying something it's like it's kind of fun to just hear her say something just very simple and then completely unravel about the way she said it and then she's like trying she's like fixing her hair and makeup like spiraling like she's just it's what you'd expect it's really just like a being inside her mind uh and it actually was a fun journey it was like going through a haunted house um and but there's something really soothing about it because when i do announcements on this podcast i'm so full of shame that i do like really fast like like subscribe and read our podcasts and do the comments like i'm there was something really hypnotic about it she was just like you can text me at my new community number you guys thank you for what's the number do you have it yes i oh god so this is the texting app that i do you guys text me i text you back i send you birthday messages every day if it's your birthday 818 until i die eight one eight two three nine seven five two seven you guys can text me and you actually explained how you have to log in and put in your birthday and where you live so that we can target our show you did our shows to you for when we come back on tour so if i'm going to orlando i don't have to blast the whole world my orlando date i can just text orlando people specifically and by the way sorry salt lake city alabama arizona and san diego thank you for letting me text you directly you guys are why i decided to reschedule the show because a lot of you guys were like wow i live with my grandma i have an autoimmune thing can you you know i texted with people directly in those cities to tell me if i should keep the show or reschedule that's that's bad that was really helpful yeah my number is eight four seven six four eight nine zero nine eight and i am obsessed with this because i like the same thing is happening what's happening to me that happens to all comedians it's like you're leaving seattle and everyone's like where are you coming to seattle and i'm like i just fucking and i get mad at them and they're mad at me but it's like no one's fault that the instagram algorithm didn't like me this week so this is like if you're interested in updates because for those of you that don't know instagram and please correct me uh the men in the room that generally probably know more than me about technology and that's how i'd like to keep it um i'm a luddite by choice it's the instagram algo in order to get an algorithm the main feed you have to get a certain amount of likes and comments in the first like minute right i think like there's something it's called the patriarchy the post velocity whoa the torque so if you don't get a certain amount of likes and comments like in the first minute like most people will not see your post at all so this is a way that we can just directly text you i picked 818 because of our friend brody smart i picked 847 because i wish i still lived in illinois um i feel like you and i did have another level of bonding at brody's memorial yeah you were the worst one there you were because you had been totally chill like you were like okay we'll get through this like you were like very calm our friend brody stevens google him um you at the memorial were the in the biggest mess of anyone and i think it's because you i assume like you're coping before that was to just kind of be like everything's fine everything's fine and then you crashed this is a friend of ours who passed i was in denial for yeah the first week i just like it didn't happen yeah like i just was like like everyone my thing is like take care of everybody else and then as soon as the memorial happened i just broke you were like oh no it this is real like as soon as zach galifianakis came out and was like giving a eulogy it hit me yeah cause you're like zach galifianakis is at the comedy store yeah yeah something really bad must have happened this is bad so true and it like hit me and i could not hold it together i could not function that is the worst thing about this business is like getting close to people who are hurting and having to yeah i don't know yeah yeah i don't know what to say that was a wild time saying anything that was a wild wild time um 818 till i die google it um the guy that i am dating when i'm dating someone i'll show them brody's stand up and if they laugh we can keep dating and if they get confused we stop like that's how that's truly how i decide if i will go on a second date with a man if they get brody stevens we can move forward and if they don't if they're like wait is this i don't know why did he just why is he saying zip codes like if they don't get it like i just they're we're done here like there's nothing else to say um so uh yeah the guy that i'm dating um loved it so much and is always like leather exterior that's awesome yeah so that's always like in my head it's funny you say that because on my first date with dave he had known brodie because brody did audience warm up on that show that dave wrote for and so brody was like our one hollywood connection that we both knew of and it just like put i just will never forget like the light it put on my face feeling like oh my god he knows brody so i yes are you planning the wedding or no no do you know where you want to get married no i don't want a wedding i just really yeah we've talked about this before too like i i don't know maybe one day and now i have the pandemic to lean back on yeah yeah yeah yeah i just wanted the engagement i don't want to break up but i also don't want him weddings interesting yeah okay i feel like i've talked so much and i'm sorry and i feel like i need to we need to release everyone i'm gonna stop talking and just let her go into a complete spiral this is what comedians do after they completely nail something and are awesome at something they just start to spiral into shame and think that they're like uh putting people out they just start apologizing for doing a great job just gonna put this on and feel safe just gonna go hide feel my point and you're good for you merch benton's not here to say all this but don't ride elephants like subscribe i'm very excited to use my new puke green eyeliner that esther brought me what is it called the whitney challenge the whitney hashtag the whitney challenge ugly can you get with makeup that sounds meaner than i mean it too so we are gonna now experiment um hashtag whitney challenge put on the ugliest color eyeliner you possibly can and tag us um watch hot for my name on the comedy central app and then it will be streaming i really want to get this right i hate it when i fucking go on podcast to promote something and then they're like anyway and they don't actually promote the project and i'm like why the fuck you're so nice so i want to get it right it it so hot for my name the special on comedy central there's clips on youtube if you want to just do that but there's uh the full thing is on the comedy central app you can access it with a youtube tv or a comedy central login i feel like i work for viacom i should get extra money for saying all this a lot of logistics or after august 2nd it's going to be you do have to take a quiz they will send you a code to your phone this is my style it has to be hard to find that's how when you watch it i know you're there because you wanted to have to be liam neeson and taken in order to figure out how the fuck to watch degrading how much i have to say i know but you know what they let us do what we wanted yeah and i'm happy with how it turned out and you guys don't have anything to do and you've run out of things to watch so you can put in a couple fucking passwords um on hulu watch doll face um and alone together and you're on uh what else you're on a bunch of shit no my crazy ex-girlfriend you're on some episodes of that yeah yeah yeah so just like binge esther this weekend um anything else like and subscribe to whitney oh and the esther club podcast and the makeup growing up which you're gonna be on yes i'm now promoting that episode i'm gonna be on it soon so tune in alright i love you guys i end these very awkwardly please please don't ride elephants love you [Applause]

Channel: Whitney Cummings

Views: 333,198

Keywords: whitney cummings, comedian, standup, female comic, female podcast, good for you podcast, podcast, stand up

Id: ltnjOs7SbTI

Length: 143min 55sec (8635 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 23 2020