Ep #25: MELISSA VILLASENOR | Good For You Podcast with Whitney Cummings

yeah okay we good on rolling all right should we do masks I mean we can't do the mass the entire time masks they all look like Darth Vader at this point can can you hear me I mean I probably something better with a master test probably not with my voice I think I sound infinitely better with being muffled maybe well now mine's more muffled because it's my voice is naturally muffled is it I think people probably like this because they can picture me being suffocated and they like no I didn't want I would love to I should I probably could make them yeah it's a little like maxi paddy like right here yeah I feel like we could pull we could taper it mine yeah yeah you're right it should go down like this yeah like if we could just we could I mean look we're in the early stages of wearing masks yeah I have a better one though yeah just yesterday I wore it and it got a little sweaty yeah we that's the other thing you have to wash your mass yeah your mask is not hygienic if you don't wash it it defeats the whole purpose of having one yeah and that's a you know what to be sure to have some fresh mints because you're smelling your own breath in there so take care be kind to yourself I kind of like wearing the masks because I can like scowl of people and they don't notice it made me realize how much I like make faces at people and how fun it is to be able to it's like an invisibility cloak like I feel like around and like stare at people that's it for me cuz I'm a smiley person yeah if I walk penny I want it I still like to smile at folks I hope they know by my eyes that as a good this might be good for you to stop it's not my so much the only way to fix like the fact that you're too nice you're too inviting yeah this is a great way to get people to think you're a [ __ ] yeah that's true okay I'm starting to take this starting to get swampy in here it gets it gets very swamy so I'm going like here I'm going like here okay I always start the podcast asking the guests if we're friends and I don't say any this will be other you know the one we get when we go back to dating it they'll be like can I take it off yeah sure okay well wait wait I do want to talk about that yes how are we gonna go back today I don't I haven't in thought I haven't like I don't even know I don't even know I mean is it gonna be because I am definitely inappropriately texting with some of that I shouldn't be texting with I think part of the reason I'm flirting with him and texting with him is that there is no chance that we can see each other I'm being so reckless because I'm ray you know I know that high and low anywhere so I'm just throwing grenades left and right right I'm gonna so aggressive with someone like to the point to where if if this were to stop tomorrow I'd be like oh now it's like well no I get that what about blue I think this through like you're a DJ no like I was bored I had cabin fever I thought this was a good idea I mean I am being so reckless in quarantine I texted an ex on Sunday I was so desperate for just some kind of it's like that yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah needs like so I wanted to make a little drama for myself I need to get into it not just to be able to untangle it I need some adrenaline yeah I texted an ex it was a relationship that ended horribly and I just wrote hoppy Easter's like what do you do by off the Easter do I get it like it ended like horribly Oh I know I'm anyway I mean I guess I sent some nudes you sent some nudes Melissa Villasenor there's a guy before this i hook up occasionally with and those you know same thing it's just you just want a little like oh damn looking good so you just feel you know alive for the day wait I have to wait you just threw two things at me number one you're taking nudes and number two a guy you sleep with occasionally I mean what does that mean I guess just a hookup that's it how is that I've never hooked up with someone in my life without it being a full-on emotional entrenchment I think most of mine have been hookups so you don't get emotionally attached to these people no no I I think I do but I think there's enough time and gap in between seeing them then I'm okay well Melissa just so everybody knows also the same person that what no no I was gonna say I I'm not a I don't I haven't been oh go ahead I don't know what I was gonna say I just want to work with Melissa's personality in context for everybody yeah you know her as this charming brilliant elfin nymphet that has taken over SNL with all of her charming brilliant iconic impressions she's got a dark side I do I'm a little freaky no no you know I have like 11 tattoos I have you know I want on a ribcage thighs I'm like there's this little side that's like Oh what what's in here in this it's not it's not a little side I Melissa's a [ __ ] straight up Savage we were in Vegas once Melissa and I used to tour together and I thought of Melissa's like the sweet little like like you're like a um like the princess from Super Mario Brothers one who's just like me long beep I'm more like a toad you're careful myself up my microphone it's at a new configure I don't know what did I do in Vegas we were in Vegas and you were dating someone and I used just strike me is like very innocent very proper very just a pure you strike me as very pure sweet in a sense I I do have that site yeah yes and we were talking and um and I was like you were talking about dating and I was like oh god I'm gonna have to hear this like girl talk about how much she likes this guy and she wants to get married and she wants the whole thing and I'm like so how come you're not dating right now and you just want I just I don't I don't want to listen so I feel the day like gangster like I don't want to listen to a man rare I don't care I just want that dick yes I don't want to hear where you went to school I don't care about it like so when you're listening to a guy tell you about where he went to school or you're just like this is what I have to put up with in order to get that day yes and then I think also I smile manok for for stand up for work yeah everyone yes and so going on a date and being like yeah yeah did you go - yeah it's like I don't want to do I don't want to I know if it does it feels like work yes my face hurts just from having to listen to someone talk about themselves mm-hmm do you find that guys try to make you laugh and be funny around you I've gotten plenty of dates like that but nothing these days cuz I just won't have it I think now my rule is when I go back on the dating scene I just want I better hear their voice on the phone uh-huh get their vibe before we even physically go out because I don't want to waste my time anymore with that you better already be vibing with me to where we both laugh at the same beats but why is it that if a guy said this it would be so incredibly sexist I like the were allowed to say this now we act like men it's like cool and triumphant and like feminist about us if a guy said anything you were saying Oh mence would be brutal right it would be Dan Bilzerian it would be a monster time's up on this let you don't mean we're allowed to just be like I want that dick don't want to hear what you have to say don't even want to hear you talk don't even care who you are right yeah well whatever it's we'd you'd be Andrew Dice Clay [Laughter] literally and I do have a dice claim but I think I think it's inch I think you had definitely have been in relationships where you cared about the purse oh yeah no no I won in we've had such a metaphor because I think everyone's dog is exactly like them dog is currently just nying nying on my savagely in a sweet way anyway penny no I love it just if you guys hear a furious growling it's penny oh yeah it's Melissa's inner monologue so what happens you don't want to be in a serious relationship you just want no strings attached hookups I think if I feel like oh this this dudes so cool I I like him I'd feel it you know if I just don't I don't but you can separate it you can go okay this is not a person I should date this is a person I could just see oh yeah I think now now I'm like oh yeah that's person clearly not at my level of greatness because I used to go this guy's like a c-minus let me just put a bunch of work he's a fixer-upper let me put him under and work into him make him an A and then he can be my boyfriend you're able to go like you're a c-plus let's just sleep together as I wait for the A+ to come along yes is that kind of that's how I roll so you're gonna put the word I don't want I won't do the word it is weird though because if you're dating a guy who's hot and you start listening to talk about themselves you're like oh someone has listened with someone that you know someone pretended this was interesting at some point so now I I'm an [ __ ] cuz I'm just not gonna pretend you don't I mean the girl before me set me up to look like a dick she didn't want to hear this [ __ ] either man you're so good she pretended so I have I have two sets of bad news number one everything you're saying is boring and number two the girl before you faked interest and orgasms so we need to regroup but what are people supposed to talk about well I don't know that's why I have any mitten what do you find interesting what can a guy talk to you about where you're not gonna get bored I don't actually that's I haven't even thought of that yeah I just think where I'm at right now I just feel like I'm here to bring joy and I don't know about if I'm lucky to have a relationship great but I think I'm getting to a place where it's a hassle if it happens great if it's such a hassle witness but I don't want our wedding her kids really yeah I don't think about it I don't feel it in my heart yeah my harder bones why is that what we get along so well first of all yeah everyone in context of if we're friends or not I'd let the guest do it cuz I hate it when I go with my cousin people this is my really good friend Whitney I'm like [ __ ] I don't know you why are we pretending to these people we know each other so I let the guests say how close we are well I think we've gotten closer the past couple years yeah well I opened for you on the road but I was I feel like in my 20s very insecure and you I don't know hmm but I think now or I'm getting we've spent a lot of time together yeah and you're like my mentor we're gonna get into Melissa's impression of me at some point what is this were you I remember I feel like I used to be I don't know I was eating poorly and dressing real bad I remember if some shows where I was dressing weird agree and you're I was wearing some weird [ __ ] these baggy pants and you're like these are just like the boys from stranger things I was just like what is that where is that from Aldo section she dressed like a janitor and an Arthur alerts Club and I was there and you're like okay what is this don't wear this ever again does shoes they don't you don't fit you and then one that the next time we were in San Francisco and I were like skinny jeans and some Nikes and you're like yes where that on stage cuz it just looks better it like fits you probably feel better too right you have you dressed like an Amish farmer for it like the cuts of your pants were very like I don't even know where you're buying me like are you guys going to Chico's I didn't even know where you were finding oh gosh my gosh like I was like where are you fighting if it was a lot of gap and it's a bold Navy and they were like bell-bottoms that were like corduroy I was like is a taupe corduroy I was like you're so beautiful and you're such a great body like what are you worried are you transitioning I don't know I understand I don't your gendered call I was like maybe this is the new gender thing I don't understand I just I think I go through wacky day you know I do too I mean I went and I also it reminded me of me and I was like I think I know what you're doing let me save you a couple years yeah cuz you yes you dressed like me when I started yeah hoodies and completely like try to like neuter myself desexualize myself yeah I would wear bell-bottoms like old ratty t-shirts like sports bras hoodies and like backpacks and sneakers we both started young and we're both hot babes no but when I started out 17 going to haha kephale that my crazy I you know I was a little I was felt like a little girl and I felt like nothing about older men around me and I've had a figure that's why I my voice is also it amplified a subconsciously or maybe consciously I was like I needed make myself weird so no one attacks me you know you know I want how honey so I think I also made my voice this way that's fascinating I think I did that with being loud and nasal and being dirty with my comedy I was like I'm gonna be as dirty as possible so that I can find to neuter myself and make my element like put a shield up so that no one sexualizes me mm-hmm I know like it's like a way of degenerate myself and then I once something works I remember Neal Brennan told me this once and I think it's so true he was like your style freezes when you get successful cuz you're subconsciously you're just like well this is what worked and it's just the thing that works yes he for the longest time would only dress like like street kid from the 90s which was like exactly how he dressed from the Chappelle show happened he would still wear like orange hoodies with like purple shirt it was like 90s hip-hop kid and then he just why would you change something that was working dude I mean oh yeah I'm saying it's like oh I think I can change the way a dress and I'll still be successful it's just you sort of your brain it's like we're designed to look for patterns like pattern right like this right right right this is what worked inside my hair in a ponytail onstage it's just like I wear a ponytail and I can only be funny if I have the ponytail like I just subconsciously yeah with the system that worked mm-hmm you know it makes sense I feel like I saw you and he's like bell-bottom and these like weird bounty hunter Dog the Bounty Hunter shoes and I was like okay I think she like thinks she has to do this but she doesn't have to yeah yeah take the armor off yeah and now I feel like I've gotten on a good place on stage where it still could be tomboy but then there's this bright color that I could bring to and it feels like it feels like a costume yeah yeah yeah yeah it doesn't feel like a costume anymore yeah I just sort of was like you know it was a little Tim Allen there for me yeah yeah I did have a lot of Blazers too yeah it was very Paula Poundstone yeah yeah it was very like I didn't know if it was a character like I was just like I think this might be like a yeah thing and we all have our blankies we all have our thing that makes us feel safe but I was like I felt something that would just didn't feel Congress it was just like yeah oh good she settled but I think that I also did you feel like you didn't want to be sexual at all in the beginning oh yeah yeah yeah well you've definitely managed to desexualize yourself thank those shoes those have to go if you want that that one-night-stand you're gonna have to get bender non-conforming cord awesome Martin's clogs no corks what's our clerks Clark's are those like they were popular you know you're a sec you know that old lady we're now in the shoe yes we're like the bulbous front of the shoe that's what you're like it's steel toe like a like a like a do you know I'm saying it was like an Amish bulbous cartoon shoe the lady that lives in the shoe [ __ ] that actually feels like my soul though the lady that lives in the shoe does track that is your essence friend but that doesn't mean you can't be alright okay thank you okay good so okay so that's so we are how would you define our relationship like how close are we I think we're beginning to get closer I think I think I think it also Melissa's very literal she's incapable of being full of [ __ ] she will think of the answer before she just starts mouthing off unlike most people I think I felt when we first start like when we first when I first started going on the road with you I felt like oh she's Whitney's up here and I'm down here type of feeling like I always was a maybe a little afraid but now I thought you can't picture you being afraid of me I think it's just nervous because I want to do a good job for your shows and and I I think I was really in a place of beating myself up a lot did too good of a job Melissa would go out kill so hard and she would go out and kill so hard she would close with an impression of me they killed so hard I couldn't follow it people didn't when I actually came out it was a letdown because people just wanted to see her doing you know no no yes hundred percent but now I think with my growth and work in life I don't know I think an experience I feel I feel closer to you I dick and and yes and it's not a lot it's just here and there a couple of them but so let me I want to get back to the side day because I donated by this new sort of species of women that can just sleep with guys and not be like what's up tomorrow or we take like well no no I believe there's always an attachment layer I think so yes Utah it's manageable it's manageable because it's not like if I keep myself busy I don't know no I get it it's a guy that you can't see yourself being in a serious relationship with so you know where the person stands yes I'm thinking because I am at 37 years old after being excuse me I'm burping only in relationships I'm kind of a relationship person I go from relationship to relationship and as a relationship ends I kind of start the next one and then I'm always in like I'm either getting in one getting out of one or in a bad way like I'm always in tonight see I've been alone most the time and I've had a couple of relationships hmm I'm always in some kind of entanglement and I would like to at 37 years old have a fair just two no-strings-attached affair and I don't know how to go about doing it without being like so do you live here now like to just go like we're gonna have sex and you're gonna go home and we'll talk in embrace how do I go about it I think I'm funny can I say like well let's get this going hot stuff like my uncle's 70s I think I do say something like that okay and I think it's cute that is cute that's really endearing and you say it over texts yes okay or sometimes I slide into direct messages you initiate oh yeah I because once I had this to talk with Georgia I was like Georgia why don't guys ask me out and she was like well why don't you ask your guy friends and see what they said that's such a great joint we all might pair best I know she's in and I was like okay fine I'll ask my guy friends why aren't guys asking me out and they all Muslim said was like well I think were intimidated by you he's and it also appears to seem that you already have someone at your level like you already right that's content in that world her and I'm like no so then once I understood that I was like oh okay then I'm gonna do the reach out to uh-huh and then I would ask you're gonna do the most intimidating thing I I asked I started asking there was a spy than last summer I was like OS came out I last came out yeah and then they said yes of course yeah yeah cuz I'm a golden prize and I'm a treat to have I am so much I'm cool yeah yeah I got electric guitar I draw oh but it's but once I realize okay that I'm gonna do it yes Bonnie yeah buddy's sick thanks Whitney MOCA so is that your opening line I draw I mean that's what I just think of my son like man I've gotten really cool yeah I agree you're [ __ ] cat's dead you're a [ __ ] cat no but I think that for me I never want to initiate with guys cuz I'm like oh guys don't want like an alpha guys want to chase guys are hunters but even not to be your husband if like with the fact that we even [ __ ] have to think that way is so ridiculous I'm like I need to completely recalibrate the way that I think about meeting guys cuz for the longest time I was conditioned to only go you have to approach this as if the end game is to be a wife right I mean but that's probably don't chase don't do too much be small be cute I know him rescue you let him sit be feminine make him chase don't make any first moves but now they're like if the goal is just [ __ ] someone I don't all those were all that goes out the window I know like I'm at the point where I'll text like this one guy that I'm flirting with I'll text him and I'll beg hey what's up a divide overs about an hour I'm like hey G over text what's up I think I don't give a [ __ ] anymore because if a guy likes you none of that [ __ ] matters I straight up and texting with this guy that he I will show you the text wait I don't listen if you are I could talk about you right now and if you're into me you'll be fine with it if you're not right nothing I do yeah yeah yeah yeah I have no control over how long or how much you like me I love I don't give a [ __ ] he's also thirty good bucket don't give a [ __ ] okay so he were like texting and I go onto his Instagram at like 2:00 in the morning and I'd had a lunesta bad move and I liked a photo from seven years ago by accident my thumbs just rusty liked it and I wouldn't you're gonna leave it [ __ ] it like the next morning he goes you are such a stalker who likes a photo from seven years ago and then I was like laughing for 40 minutes don't give a [ __ ] if you want me you want me you're in or you're out of it and then I talked about him on the kelly and ryan show did you just talk about me on the kelly and other guidance okay if you're into this you're in that's so cool there's no I have wasted so much of my life trying to like construct and shape-shift Inc being into being the girl that I think you want based on some social construction I saw him wear new this is great from an Heigl movie like I don't even know who I'm trying to in person now I don't I'm just gonna do me and you're either in or you're out my bills get paid either way woo my bill to get paid either way and there will be a guy who is you know yeah down who's the hottest actor - I mean Javier Bardem oh all the way okay I like that yeah you like uh like Michael B Jordan I mean these that's perfect but also hold on wait what about Javier Bardem is his so white guys are off the table for you I'm done with white guy what happened time's up times huh yeah what happened no I know what just besides generally just being bold just putting sunscreen on them I got sick of now I just I'm just like I don't know yeah I feel just new new chapter of me just new pigmentations ahead yeah so is that a conscious effort like if a white guy comes out you know yeah I'm my heart so you'll make an exception for a white guy yes of course but I but lately it's been yeah I like black guys now listen Javier Bardem I actually have I'm gonna you know what if we're gonna do this let's do this if you date black guys I have a warning for you okay sometimes this is the this is the only time I was like oh this is a stiffer --nt fight than I've ever had okay with a white guy I was in his bathroom and I personally feel that about four months into dating someone you're allowed to go through their drawers that's just my personal philosophy I went through his drawers and found you know you'll find makeup you'll find you know it's just sort of like a whose is this like you know is this old is this new you know is this bath and Bodyworks how old was she why did you at wedding plumeria bath and Bodyworks jolt with spar moonlight Pat's was my favorite in high school well let's just smell like a path a moonlit path smells like dirt earthworms a moonlit path smells like a [ __ ] rapist in the night what what why there no it's so good but but moonlit paths don't have you smelled a path recently it's [ __ ] mulch and dirt and bugs you're making you know being near you and it's making me tougher really you noticed this just in right the six now it's just hanging out right now energy we're good for each other it's really good we're good for each other we bring out good sides of each other you make me very calm and you when I'm around you I don't feel like I have to be funny oh good and I don't feel like I have to apologize for being powerful yeah and when you're around me I think you get stronger Thanks thanks Whitney best what was I saying moonlit Pat disgusting so sometimes you're in your guy's place and you you're gonna come across a cosmetic from a previous relationship and you're gonna read into it if it's a Victoria's Secret shimmer you're like he date's strippers what is you know you're gonna start some kind of fight mm-hmm or like a guy that I dated once found makeup in his drawer and it ended very awkwardly because I was like who's is this and he was like it's mine so that's a whole other thing you could also find out the guy you're dating uses concealer and that's a whole other conversation Wow but if you're dating a black guy there is a chance you're gonna find jewelry huh and it's gonna be his and you're gonna have to believe him but that's cool I know but I was like oh who's diamond earrings are those oh and he was like those Mike gave them back I was like that's not a fight I've ever had for the white guy so I stand corrected so sorry about that here you go and those are yours fair enough got it with any white guy this would be a huge can I borrow I got a little [ __ ] didn't get the diamond I know you know the jeweler's number I know you know the big diamonds but you got them for yourself enough for me you should not have better jewelry than me that reconcilable difference so just get ready for it that's that's good to know thanks so so what are we gonna do in quarantine so we're flirting with guys are we hooking up no I haven't maybe early on and this started yeah maybe but that was it yeah so you have how many guys in the rotation current oh no just I mean I guess just one in New York yeah and it do you date other people or do get jealous if they or you don't talk about it that's something I do need to be careful I need it be honest Mike are you hooking up with other people do you want to know I don't like to I'm finally to putting my life right don't ask questions if I don't want to know the answers it took me a long time where'd you just go I know I just I just I just went to you know I don't you know what I like to think of it as if you're not emotionally attached to the guy I like to think of it as he's practicing on his days off [Laughter] it's like that you don't want to be in you don't want to be yeah you sort of that's when you realize if you're attached to the person or not you can say can we exclusively hook up with each other and if you want to date someone else you just have to tell me and we'll call it see that's that's good that's being healthy I that's what I need to say yeah I mean that'll have to do I'm happy to not do the girlfriend boyfriend thing not my style but I would like to exclusively be an associate Pathak no strings attached [ __ ] with you mm-hmm but you can't do that with anyone else is that being together that's you're together I don't know I don't I still don't know know anything and so what about the nudes Howard what are those nudes no no that was just one reason okay how what how much new how many are we showing Oh neck down no face I try to avoid face cuz of Internet yeah but they can Photoshop your face on the naked bodies those are everywhere that's true have you looked at yours what no I haven't either I don't want to see okay I'm just gonna check to see I the I always get photoshopped onto porn stars in wedding dresses getting [ __ ] which is so weird Oh naked oh it's not gonna come up on there so if I don't go you know no I'm just no one's gonna see it except me you are not photoshopped onto a lot of naked people I what people do with me is when I'm holding a microphone on stage they oh and I'm doing that they put a dick in my mouth so I've got a bunch of those that's yeah that's easy there's no naked photos of you online at all not even photoshopped fake ones I've always had always hurts my feelings the body they choose almost like that's what they think darío my boobs are fake don't put some pancake tip my body in Photoshop I've worked hard to not have pancake titties okay so you're only doing neck down and full naked full everything what are you handing up in the mirror Wow standing yeah like with one light out I think I might pose like it's like at this in the mirror yes okay because this is a good one up to down never done Oh cuz you can have your face in it in a mirror in a mirror sideways is the my goat yeah because in the butt is like the fight is slamming then the waist is like the ABS okay I'd literally took one this morning right and offended anyone the shadow of the light and then your boobs are good mornings I yeah it looks really hot yeah and so what time are you sending these photos I mean this look this was just a couple that a couple weeks ago it's a new person no sim dude well because I think he's the hottest because here's my deal is when when you're dating someone do you want them to see you naked in person before they see you naked in a selfie am I allowed to send a naked photo to a guy I'm dating who's never seen me naked whoa um I don't think I've done that before no once they see you naked you're then sending it as little tidbits little snack I'll be like like remember this yeah yeah I think it's just like after we've done it then I'm like you know here's here don't don't forget and do they send dick pics mm-hmm really I mean it's it's nice but when I get I like to see the oh well he's got absent you look really forlorn over this person I mean we do ha do you have cabin fever I do think there is a very intense horniness bubbling up with like everyone you know with everyone yes I started flirting with my bed straight up straight up I think this cabin fever is starting to get to us yeah I think so what is it I I do not enjoy I like getting dick pics everyone on the show knows because I like seeing bath people's bathrooms oh yes but I don't the actual singing of a dick I'm not let me use it like I don't that doesn't like turn me off I I think I'm with you there yeah but I I sometimes will fantasize you know but I think that also what turns me off is not so much the dick itself it's the taking of that like imagining the guy being like picking an angle and like getting it hard and like like taking five and then picking the best one like that is unattractive to me just the process of it Jamie Jim saying because then he's got like five on his phone that he didn't send and I know guys have a good one righty to go I know that guys have a stock dick photo they have the little heart should I mean like yeah and then if you look in the background you can kind of see clues it's like is that a like a Ross Perot sticker in the background you didn't take that in the last year why is lost playing in the background this isn't a new photo this isn't a recent like guys take one that is like employee and they save it and they just send it out good saying I don't think we're getting I don't think we're getting new ones every time I think we're getting custom dick pecs oh my god you're right don't you think yeah Whitney you're so smart I really given this a lot of thought one time a guy sent a friend of mine a picture of his dick with another woman's like hand on it it was a very confusing I think he liked I think that was like a photo they shared and he you know but here's a dick pic and he just didn't see the French manicured nails around it it was a bummer it was also a picture of a photo a picture of oh so yes this was his photo yeah this is that Wow what's like your number one red flag for dudes if a guy slides in your damn what's the number-one thing he should not do is it ask you about work is that I'm an aspiring comedian is it yeah I don't like either this you dated comedians though oh yeah I I'm I still feel like a comedian might be it cuz they're just so [ __ ] funny and that's the hottest thing to me oh wow interesting and one of the hottest yeah I just love laughing yeah yeah yeah it's the best um red flag red flag wife something oh yeah kids you want a to go with kids hmm I guess I did once okay how'd that go Oh a bit bad huh I mean it didn't work out well I guess yeah um but I don't know I don't know my red flags I do I did make a list like you yeah that was good yeah that's I made you do that right yeah good work I make people do lists of all of their red flags there's a big one do you remember who they were I do think a big one with you if somebody has to like their job I don't care what your job is but you'll have to light it if you're not I don't care what your job is yeah maybe a janitor as long as you love your job because when when people love their jobs and someone comes home and doesn't it's just like it makes things so hard because you can't commiserate for sure when someone comes home and they hate their job I'm like well I had an awesome day today like I got to podcast with someone I let like it's just it ends up sort of making the relation of toxic yeah I think so people have to like their jobs the same amount you can both hate your job or you can both love your job you know I've never lived with anyone so I don't know that but that that is for sure mm-hmm would be do not want to live with someone you know I think I would it's very hard I don't I don't know if I can do it I've never done I don't know and I'm gonna have to learn how to share though share sheriff Mason and think I'm very um yeah I'm not I'm pretty picky we're loners I mean comedians are used to being in hotel rooms eighty percent of the year alone and like we're good yeah you know and we can entertain ourselves are you this way too when you're when you go on the road the day before or the day going I'm frustrating like I don't want to go and leave I don't want to go and then once I get there and do the show yeah I don't like ah that's right I have my fans I can explore this town find good food then I'm fine yeah and I get in a groove yeah it's always that day leaving and I might be a little fresh you don't like traveling you like performing yeah that's what it is that's what I would say we don't get paid to perform we get paid to travel yeah the performing we do for free yeah I get paid to get on the plane and the TSA right which I would die don't give anything to do right now I actually miss traveling which I never thought I'd say but yes we actually get paid for and then when you get in and realize oh I get to perform for a bunch of people and make them laugh mm-hmm you know so I have a question for you Oh give it have there been hobbies that you've been I don't know crafting doing anything during this time being home no Melissa okay no any new skills or my brain at all no my mind is completely atrophied in fact I've got okay I said the things I'm good at not only might not learn new skills here's what I have done I have cooked a bit oh nice that's what I should do I'm a pandemic looking yeah I'm fully now that I don't think I want to get married I've become a wife I could cook I can clean I've been working you know like I have to write a couple things and I have not learned new skills but I did get a mountain bike oh yeah so I'm gonna like start to like mountain bike that's cool yeah that's like my new thing and I want to like get in like sick like crazy like prison shape like I'm getting in like like gnarly shape yes and that's really it and then I'm trying to like work and read I've been doing the master classes I've been I've been watching those oh yeah should I watch some they're amazing master class [ __ ] fantastic we had David Sedaris on and I watched his because I didn't know what it was I was like it's just something boring it's like a TED talk like what am i watching and it's like brilliant people break down all sorts of things it's super cool interior design and science and neil degrasse tyson's is really amazing like it's just there I don't think I'd do it if we weren't in quarantine but I love them it's like kind of like going back to school that's a very small kind of yeah cool you've been what knitting and crocheting and micro macrame to be honest yeah I I'm a busy girl yeah I I crochet I draw a lot I get a lot of I like drawing ideas just come to me they pop it in my head edible illustrator and then I um I don't know yeah I've taken tar lessons let me ask you what is your I was researching this before you came in so melissa is you guys know your is brilliant at impressions I'm obsessed because this is a gift this isn't something you can really I could never be good at impressions it's not something I get to work on it's not something I can pay for it's a gift do you know yet what the thing is in your brain that is different because it's something about your hearing and ability to mimic because none of us can hear our voices the way they actually sound so even if I was good at an impression I wouldn't be able to ascertain if I was good or not because we can't hear ourselves the way other people hear us so you have the ability you have the ability to find how you have the ability to make people hear you the way you hear you which I can't do does that make sense no see Melissa will always be odd as me scientists that have identified what happens in our brain when we mimic a foreign accent or impersonate another person according to a recent study from the Journal of cognitive neuroscience the researchers led by all these [ __ ] people they want to explore the way the brain controls the nonverbal aspects of our speech the different tones or styles people use when talking in different contexts but but the da da da da da when when subjects consciously change their voices either a new accent or in purse or during a person ation the left anterior insula an interior frontal gyrus areas associated with planning and producing speeches lit up in the fMRI images impressions in particular generated greater responses than other in other regions of the brain support'll temporal inferior parietal cortex my goodness I've become illiterate in quarantine and right middle anterior superior temporal succulence Jesus but there was no difference in the increase in activity in the LIF G between accent impersonation planning okay this is like too hard for me to even understand but it's something also about your ability the way your ear is like inner ear is shaped or something whoa yeah it's not cool it's me because we don't know how we sound right and so for you to be able to do an impression of whatever it is and then know how it's sounding and then improve it or know you're nailing it well it's something most people can't do like how cuz it's also you there's no one that's good like impression is like 90% good it's either a hundred percent or zero mm-hmm there's no like that's a pretty good impression yeah it's excellent or awful yeah yeah yeah don't I mean yeah and I I think there's some that like the ones of the ones where it could really look like like you or Sarah Silverman or people like those I could say like those are my a plus I'm them I see your face on my face that's what happens in my brain I see you your your whole face is here that's what how I see it but if it's someone like my Sebastian Maniscalco impression those silly ones they're they're not exact because I'm not that good guy but I I I'm learning that whatever is making me feel funny and have fun it doesn't that's the key to impressions also interesting it's like if I you know just wanna go over here then it's because I'm I'm having so much fun that's that is the main thing and you know that with stand-up so if you're having so much fun people will just be into it's also like the level of commitment but it also works cuz Sebastian's level of commitment is so intense I know so almost like to impersonate Sebastian you just have to commit as hard to the impression yeah that's commits to his stand-up yeah like I just honest I couldn't like do it like I have to bail because I get too uncomfortable I get embarrassed that I'm gonna fail at it so I just bail but if you love I mean yeah maybe that's or it is it's some it's people that I I love so much and I just I don't know I just want to feel like they're with me that's so fat that's like a interesting like spiritual like element of it that's what yeah I think you want it like embody them yeah I think that's a lot of my impressions are like oh this person brings me like Owen Wilson brings me some peace you know just you and that was one of my first yeah the first time you realize you can do an impression no no first one was Britney Spears Christina Aguilera all the pop princesses of you know don't worry guys I'm gonna make her do him don't worry yeah and but yeah I was just so seeing that I'm a slave for you last night still a beggar it's so bang bang oh you people look at me like I'm a little girl I happen in this world you get ridiculous so much more than she would do when you're talking about who does not feel the need to wash her hair because I'm obsessed with this dry shampoo it's got biotin in it I'm good look oh god it tastes good too I am obsessed with this dry shampoo it is by HASC beauty thank you guys so much this was incredible too because it has charcoal in it so it sucks up all the impurities in your hair of which I have many look how much cuter my hair looks when I have this in HASC is all about second day hair first day hair is out this is your hair gets cuter and more textured over time color safe it's not gonna mess with your color okay not that I color my 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come to you keep that immune system strong folks you're doing ASMR without water I'm tricky so sexual tomorrow always come to China to me like a like sex always sounds like sex to me you know no it's just your mouth like sucking it's like no it's just you the cotton mouth thing yeah I don't like it when I you know you're you're in a car you have a I mean I feel like going on the road and someone would pick me up from the airport and yeah or and they're the driver you can hear em go or you know just a little sound like that could just do you oh well you know what this probably has a lot to do with the fact that you're good at impressions you you have some kind of superhuman hearing that you're able to hear and mimic people yeah it might have misophonia which is what I have even though I'm not good impressions yeah I mean that's why I was working on a bit before this about how I think I'm I'm the trouble in relationships and dating because I find out the smallest cork about a person and I go I'm out I don't do that thing to do that too much yeah I'm gone are you give it a second to go could you not do that is it worth I don't even ask I just leave uh-huh like whistling don't have you ever thought about asking them to not whistle no around you I'm not it's not I'm not gonna put the whole time in I I should have I that's what I I'm a I'm a coward I I could ask a person kind like can you just please don't whistle but I think that would really hurt their feelings but my guess is you don't like them that much if that's the straw that breaks the camel's back that's true and I also think that things that annoy you about people you're not that into you find charming with the ones that you are into yeah yeah yeah I mean if it was if Michael B Jordan was whistling in your hallway you'd be fine right you're right you're right you would not be like [ __ ] this I'm at noon whistling really funny too I could not imagine my garden was I can't whistle that's another plant with that's probably why I don't like it cuz I'm jealous that's you can you're capable that's how things with your face that no one is capable of yet you can't whistle mm-hmm i whistle in no I can't whistle out I can only suck in down boys mm-hmm wait because we have horses I had horses growing up and you had to whistle to get him to come out so I had to learn I was so horses were part of your life when you're little yeah big part that's so cool yeah when I went to Virginia in the summers I can't do it out though yeah I can't blow out you can do it but that's it I can't do like a yeah there's like old guys 40s are you dating Barney Fife like what are you talking about you know these guys that are just like what's so why you didn't change your age bracket on Gumbel dating podiatrists now that one what the Whistler was a little older than me but I think it was more of a square of a person hmm or just like a happy joyful man that's all my mom said - she was like I was like mom he's great now but I don't like those whistles and my mom was like yeah I mean it just seems like a nice man he seems like he's enjoying life and just sort of going about his day just make it some music did you ever tell him that that's why you were leaving no there were other elements - that was like one of the thing yeah it was also you know yeah but I think that that is it important because when something that small bothers you about someone you're just not into them but he saw my tweet where I said I don't like these whistles juice you tweeted back I was like I'm dating a dude that whistles I can't do that and he was and then he saw he's told me was like you don't like my website of the tweet do great I mean that's what we do right you know I come being a comedian is it kind of like we are talking [ __ ] about everything that truly everything and if you date a comedian you're on limits I'm sorry if you're sucking on limits and I gotta be honest to you I know a couple comedians that whose wives would not let them make jokes about them and their careers [ __ ] died there's a lot of really great comedians out there men and women whose spouses were like dude you can't talk about me that's my boundary and they their careers didn't go or they show you can't not talk about what's going on in your personal life and I always feel bad but it's like that's just what if you don't want it if you don't only talk [ __ ] about you on [ __ ] talk shows behave better yeah like maybe you need to take a good look in the mirror sir yeah but it is I think that like you can you don't want someone that wants to be in the spotlight by proxy cuz I think a lot of guys are into that I've definitely had a lot of guys date me because I think they feel like there's some clout in it or something you know I've been star [ __ ] which just means I'm a star ah but I think guys that are - look you can't talk about me it's like why are you gives a [ __ ] no one knows it's you yeah yeah like why are you saying shell says your life isn't ruined you're not on TMZ like and they're just jokes yeah but - passive-aggressively communicate with them through Twitter like I mean that is I think that's more like why did everyone I was here about it before I die no you know like you knew he was gonna read that I didn't know he had a Twitter and then I saw him following well that's a bigger problem as you were dating someone and you didn't know they were on Twitter you don't ask any you really don't ask questions you do not want to listen no I don't so that's my problem you were fully dating a guy that in you didn't know he was on a fake everyone I've dated the past years especially being honest now it's has just been like a couple months by couple months by it's really not it's never gone past I think I'm healthy I think that's healthy yeah cuz I'm just tasting like such a Sebastian thing is that I'm just trying to try to different a little dalip a little dog what when you decide to do Sebastian impression was there one bit you focused on I don't think I tried I think it was you know from doing shows with him we all do - Sebastian impression but there was a there's a there was a sketch that a writer wrote on SNL it didn't go this show but it went to table and and he he was like who should I play have some play Sebastian and then he was in my writing office and my friend was like Oh Melissa knows Sebastian Alyssa could do and I was like I guess I'll try and then it did so well and then I was like I realize oh I'm having so much fun and then and then it's just like stayed in my heart and I was like I just want to get this you do kind of sound like him a little bit just I mean my voice oh I keep playing around I think my microphone went out oh it had fun did it or whatever keep that no I think I just stopped talking oh here we go no going around with that I'm so I think he says you just have to thing where oh that's it well my voice is deep to where I can do male impression yeah yeah like I do it a John Mulaney on the show no I I swear there's so many good wait hold on you have today that is we have to show that to my jaw Mulaney bit it's him like it's you know I've done it I share it online but it's just him in quarantine like I've noticed I've been spending a lot of time with my pillows and they are paper-thin it's like if I told a monster truck hey why don't you just drive right over my pillows I want them to feel like I'm sleeping on a tortilla and they do and what's funny is the next morning my wife said hey I want to make some breakfast burritos and I and she said but we have no tortillas and I said I know where I can find one that's one of my favorite ones to me and that is [ __ ] amazing those are been mine I guess the past year Mulaney Sebastian I mean Billy I wish I've been doing two for a bit what's that um very low oh my god yeah it's like yo I have to take out my Invisalign because I wearing it but I I want to eat burritos and tacos and then she sings like this don't you know I'm no good for you I've learned to lose who can't afford that's how she sings cry I love singing like Billy I love her so much that bad guy song is maybe the song around is it weird that she's so young and I love that song and thinking that I see it is it's so good so I remember last time I remember when you were working on the SIA impression and just going I think I sent it to her or gave it to her something and she was just like how she can hit notes that most people just can't hit like you can hit notes it see it Christian Aguilar can hit well see it I mean I don't think I did that good one of my favorite songs is called ritual and the vitamins I take are also called ritual there's some sort of symbolism going on here now I am not gonna lie during this time where we can't really go anywhere or go to restaurants or go to grocery stores I've been eating total garbage and thank God I take these vitamins there I've told you about them before they're called ritual vitamins everybody's asking me why my skin is so good everyone's ask me why my hair looks so good it's not my diet because I'm eating complete trash but I have been taking the ritual vitamins and I think I look amazing just not gonna lie ritual essentials has the nutrients most of us don't even get from food anyway oh so I can keep eating trash clean absorbable vitamins no shady additives no weird ingredients that do more harm to your body than good quite frankly too easy to take capsules provide 9news treants you need to support a strong foundation for your health which we all need right now more than ever from d3 to omega-3 ritual essential for women helps fill in the gaps of your diet no nausea capsule doesn't make me sick it also has omegas in it and normally when you take other fish oil pills you're like burping up Worf for the rest of the day and you just like smell permanently like clam chowder ritual has a little like mint in it so that you're not like you know smelling like Wharf inside your mask you know I'm saying you're welcome gentle on the stomach the little mint tab and every bottle to keep things fresh so you don't have that fishy aftertaste I was talking about vegan friendly sugar-free non-gmo gluten-free and allergen free ingredients there's no trash in here okay the subscription is easy to start I also love it because you subscribe to it and just comes to your door because for me I always forget to order vitamins and I run out and I'm like a half by the time I order it I'm probably gonna have scurvy anyway so I might as well just stop taking it ritual it just comes to you so you don't have to think about it all the time better help does not happen overnight and right now ritual is offering my listeners 10% off during your first three months fill in the gaps with your diet with essential for women get that skin on point get their hair on point get those nails on point get every of get that get that stuff I might love to say [ __ ] in an ad get that [ __ ] tight you know what I mean people keep asking me when my skin I'm telling you this is why it looks really good right now a small step that it's gonna help you support a healthy foundation for that body visual visual I try to say visit ritual and I just said visual visit ritual Tom slash Whitney to start your ritual today 10% off turn your first three months at ritual dot-com slash Whitney don't be ridiculous also someone send these to chris d'elia cuz he looks like [ __ ] actually I will if he if someone orders ritual vitamin if someone orders a ritual vitamin prescription for crystal Leah you have to go to ritual calm slash Whitney tagged me and say you're ordering vitamins for chris d'elia but actually order them for yourself i will repost you yeah and then Christina Aguilera has she seen yours yeah you know what she did that not too long ago she found some old vine of mine where I was doing her and she she reposted it and that was like I didn't look good and I was like she's like this is so me and I was I saw it I was like oh why'd you ditch what's that one I looked so bad there but it was that was nice of her um yeah you know see it I just yes I have a bit you see my see a bit though yeah but I go don't get hurt can't feel anything when will I learn I [ __ ] [ __ ] uh-huh I'm a wonderful good I love her voice it's so I knew she'd never had voice training like she never like took that yeah yeah that's where I sometimes want I do want vocal training but then it's also like why mess it why just why not just leave the gifts yeah leave them leave them alone which is one that you like like wish you could go and you're like okay critics ariana grande I really want to learn her singing voice but she's got it I mean that's it's incredible voices because it goes so high yeah but it's also it's like Mariah to where it's like there's a lawyer it's low but it's also high at the same time and I don't know it's hard to get mm-hmm so Mariah's is probably hard oh yeah who are like the top three voice I could kind of do a little Maria I mean I'm showing off here it's quarantine time will Islam behave for a moment in time and a cinema lasting that you would always be mine and now you wanna be free so I'll let you fly because you know I'm a heart babe love will never die no I'm sure now you have your showboat that's what I was thinking tears like you know just entertain that's all people it's just some joy it's it what right now I think here's my deal whatever pill is peddle it yeah this is what people do now they get famous for a skill and they go now I'm gonna do something else it's like no [ __ ] that's what we've paid you for I know that's where I've only I've had that little battle tour I'm like I don't want to do impressions but it's like that's just Hawaii yeah but what know what oh you're gonna go do the thing everyone else can do yeah I know I mean it's ungrateful yeah yeah it's ungrate it's ungrateful or you're saying [ __ ] you to God yeah and it's frankly rude yeah you're right I just I died there's this new thing where it's like you know people will be really funny or they'll get really good at comedy they're like but now I want to do drama it's like [ __ ] just do the thing ray I know why yeah you know I think there's some like weird shame I mean I did it to wear this new special I'm doing it just as like a challenge myself I'm like I just don't want to talk about sex in it or like just cuz I've done that a lot and it's just like a little challenge to myself yeah you know and I'm I have had a couple people be like ah like I came with my girls night and we you know and I do sort of feel like okay when people come see me there's a certain thing they do expect and I don't want to disappoint anybody because of my own personal goals of evolving but you you're saying [ __ ] you to your audience I mean yeah that's why I felt now when I want to get to do stamp I look I just want to balance it all in it I could still talk about myself or my family and my and and then also weave those impressions in so there's a nice like it's just feels balance so that way I'm happy but I'm also yeah making me proud happy did you talk to Sara after you did the impression of her when did you do it on a snow oh yes here so me yeah yeah yeah yeah she loves it every time if I run into her at a club she's always like that's old one too so crazy though I know which one is more is she more Sarah or is her impression of Sarah better or sort of person me better I don't know I mean it's like saying [ __ ] you to God I mean I hope you always like always I love you so much I feel like it's like a sister to you know but when it actually truly was when sigh I don't know how else anyone else could you know go experience this it's maybe like the one positive side of like being a known person is that it is really nice to see yourself reflected and you're able to go like oh yeah I shouldn't do that like it's the only way I'm able to receive criticism in a way without getting defensive like like when Instagram stories first started I had no idea what we were supposed to be doing like we were all just like hey guys I'm having I had some water like once I'm meeting my knots like I was like every supposed to be funny or was supposed to be like like literally documenting every second of our mundane boring lives like I have no idea and she just did one that was like it really made me change the way I did Instagram story you made me see how [ __ ] boring mine were and you're just like um I guess I don't need to do an impression myself like I just like when you and when you uh when you always when you do your skin care routines to you know you just we're gonna roll some oil here that helps the glow and I'm just gonna do that for a couple hours hey guys it's my roll roller it's funny because what I try to do a depression of huge listen to me I try to do impression and I don't I can just talk but you're like so guys like in the car oh yeah that one for two hours like does it go bad drink it or not like let me know let me know cuz I'm gonna drink it everyone was dying because just like like annoyed I am question I just asked you guys my dude like what I was Lu why am I so pissed off that's just like one time like sometimes don't post it cuz theres like anyway let me know like I got bored making the story made me realize that I would get bored doing it I think oh guys did all the new stories that I'm entertained by now you can do anything it made me it made it clear to me that I was like voting it in because that I was hate [ __ ] my Instagram story no yours are great hmm you have a lot of good stuff too all the animals oh yeah it's too many animals I gotta take it down a notch you I feel like are doing a lot of different things over quarantine let's tell everybody all the stuff that you're doing you're doing YouTube lives like every oh no no no I just did no no no I did I was doing up Melissa hobby time uh-huh Monday through Friday okay and it's like Monday I would do polymer clay I have clay and I make figurines oh cool Evan and I bake them okay it's just fun it's not what murders are you it's not it's what stable people do I swear I'm doing okay I mean with just the Hobby system as a woman with a full life she's not marrying you she's got her figurines that she puts in the oven Tuesdays oh I was doing like a Owen Wilson meditation where you all through a meditation as I had well yes yes and then Wednesday that's on your Instagram mm-hmm these are like Instagram lives I took this week off just for my own peace peace Wednesdays is bird-watching which I would draw a bunch of birds color them place them around my home and bird watch and learn about him and I would set the cup there sounds of what they sound like and then go oh there was one oh and then you know and then I had Fred Armisen came on and Kevin I mean uh oh Michael Rapaport and they're and they're just like oh [ __ ] look at that bird and it was just like a little drawing you know and it was so that's been fun I think people that wasn't one of my favorites amazing and that my sister came up with that idea I was like just drawing because you can't really leave home not good too you know and so Thursdays that's really crocheting and I've noticed like all crochet and and karaoke sing songs and then and it's a like strong it's very soothing yeah it's you like and I like hobbies where there's a result at the end and proof that I did it yes Jay seems very rewarding it is here's the scarf and it's just so it's in your in my mind like I'm just hearing one uh one two three one two three it's just a good no it's like almost meditative yeah notic yeah I like that it's really cool yeah teach you there's I mean I'm a visual learner so I can't like read oh here's the crochet pattern I don't like it that's why I struggled in school I can't read it I need a visual I need to see someone do it and then I'm like I got it yeah I'm done I get it fast when's your birthday October 9th Libra ooh I don't know I don't I don't know anything I don't I'm just curious okay I feel like horoscope people listening at that moment wanted me to ask okay yeah so tell us what that means yeah cuz you know my theory about it is not that there's some sort of like supernatural thing I think that where your birthday falls is very important in the way that your psyche develops more because of the other holidays you're competing with during your birthday mmm you know what I mean Halloween I've talked about this part yeah if you're competing with Halloween you're gonna get less attention on your birthday my birthday was the first day of school which set the stage for you work all the time even on the days that you're supposed to get attention everything is about you know people that are born in January capricorns are always like not needy like work a lot because there's no money left to throw them they had just had holidays Christmas yeah no one's that's my brother and my mother one is special if their birthday is January 5th no one cares we just party for - we haven't don't have any money left here's a [ __ ] regifter vac and all I think October early October that's kind of a good birthday time I think so too it's a little bit after September like yeah just got back into school yeah but it's like this holidays are coming yeah and then now it's and you're just feeling a little like like like Leo's everyone says like people born in late July August or like you know narcissistic and need a lot of attention like because it was August like they could have a party they were like at the beach like there was no competition from school like people wanted to have their last like rum spring up before school was back you know like so I feel like that's really why the horoscopes matter so that's why I'm curious when people are born just based on when they celebrated their birthdays yeah not so much about like sad [ __ ] yeah and then what are you doing Friday's drawing drawing is that on Instagram life yeah so you're doing Instagram lives everyday yeah but this is impressive I mean I don't know it helped once I just said Oh today it's gonna be at ten minutes today's could be twenty it doesn't need to be an hour you know once I just said I took the pressure off but do you were speaking people comment don't keep your face I know it was so cute come back sorry we're now just fully taking pictures of this dog cuz this is the cutest thing ever can you hear this okay well I'm gonna let you go soon but I'm gonna do a little speed round of stuff okay that's because what she didn't pee or anything right she's a good girl I don't think so I'm sorry okay so we are going I'm gonna do a look speed around of a couple things I asked everybody okay which is very important okay what is the best piece of advice you've gotten this show we want people to turn it off and be better people smarter people stronger people more emotional resilient people this show has a purpose so I always like to disseminate everybody's best piece of advice that they've gotten okay a couple things doesn't okay I'm not gonna make you pick not a dick um like just about relationships about like I'll do all me to list mine while you're think I mean yeah that helps but I think that from what you just said earlier about being with someone that at least likes their job and I think that's a really good um good one cuz I for the longest time I was like oh if he doesn't like his job I'm just gonna make up for it by being funny and entertaining and like I'm gonna help us find a new job and like I kind of like that he's miserable cuz then I'm the light of his life like I just was like God it took me I just wish someone had told me that when I was like 25 yeah you know it's if someone's miserable with their job they're miserable yeah that's up to ya there's no way it took me a long time to process this piece of advice but when I heard it it was it's an incredible piece it took me forever to implement it but someone said it's not about the other person it's about who you are when you're with the other person so a lot of times in relationships were like is he is he honest is he fun is he interesting and he's he this is he that instead of me when like Who am I when I'm her am I the best version of myself when I'm around that / yeah am i being funny and I've taken care of myself am I being interesting am I being the best you know what I mean instead of putting it all on them and the scorecard being on what they're doing like what am i doing what am I am i sleeping well am I like seeing my yeah yeah I you know prolific at work am I like that was a huge paradigm yeah I think for me it was like oh if I'm if I feel any anxiety near this person go bye-bye run not butterflies not passion it's your body telling you get out of it yeah cuz then I put them first and yeah I saw your gut is telling you turn around yeah and we do were so disconnected from our intuition at this point I think you might have said that somewhere I don't know yeah I do yeah yeah my wisdom advice from you I'm serious yeah no I don't I believe it I really I agree yeah you know I mean I feel no it's good I felt I've had lots of good breakthroughs together yeah because I think for me as soon as I learn something I think have to tell it sometimes I worry that I'm coming off bossy or micromanage II or didactic but I'm just like oh my god like it would have saved me so much other people too I'm an energy let me just pass this off even this person thinks I'm annoying or like even if they're not even gonna hear it yet yeah I feel like a moral obligation to pass it on that's because I for the longest time thought a pit in my stomach meant it was like he's the one you know app in my stomach was like look we have so much passion like we're soul mates like like it was like no this is your body telling you to get the [ __ ] out of there yeah you know I think that like where I understand now that relationship should calm you down and be additive not subtractive and not adrenalized you and stress you out you know like you can have like a fun hot affair but like you know that adrenaline becomes addictive and then yeah addicted to a person that you don't like that much that shouldn't be in your life it's a nightmare and then like all the neuro chemicals start firing and then you're addicted to somebody that you can't there's nothing worse than being like I don't even like you but I'm on my way over it's yeah such a [ __ ] get out before you get addicted it's like seeing the whatever yeah I take a bite of the pizza you'll never stop eating it yeah take that first I didn't like when I had those relationships where I would I remembered them ending the break-up and I would I forgot after I was like Who am I cuz I got so wrapped up in the person I felt felt like I lost myself was like where's Melissa Jesus I'm talking like he talks I don't have I'm not talking like me but that's that's the problem too is as an impressionist if I'm around someone so much I'm starting to mimic them I'm absorbing everything and it is so hard sometimes when you get in a trench relationship like that to know when you begin and they end and where you went and they began and that's what is a healthy sexy fun relationship where you still have our not like you know your surgically detached from each other as well how do you mean learn about my posture no please I feel like the mic has been I feel like I was like this alot of time but you could still pick me up this way yeah I should stayed like that we very fancy microphone I know so we both talk incredibly loud as well I'm gonna think I'm sure things will pop up in my mind later for advice no but I think that it's basically it I'm really interested in this because I think people are right now in quarantine with their others where I imagine it's like actually physically hard to tell where they and and the other person begins but it is really hard to maintain your own identity when you're in a relationship and I just think it's really important that people remember you are allowed to be different than your partner you're allowed to like different things you're allowed to want different things you're allowed to like dislike different movies I'm now at the point where in the beginning of a relationship people think I'm coming off confrontational or like being like sassy or bit but I just want to be so clear about the things I don't like so that they know like cuz I would just shape-shift people like I love murder documentaries that make me Joe I don't I don't some of them but like you know what I mean I pretend I like something I didn't like and then I had to sort of perform I had cast myself as the perfect mate for this person pretended I liked a bunch of things I didn't like and then six months in you start getting resentful cuz you're always acting and then you're actually having to watch hockey or whatever the [ __ ] you pretended you wanted to like and then you get resentful and then it's like you don't understand me it's like no it's not that the person is understand you you just lied all that time and I think that a lot of times when we think that we're just like being harmonious and like getting along and compromising we're actually lying you're being a liar it's not nice or Noble to pretend you like [ __ ] you don't like no I'm suddenly one of the guys I'll just go have wings yeah I love watching football like you're doing a lot you're a liar like you're blyer it's not cute it's not sexy yeah one of the guys like it's just like a it's just a he can handle you not liking some of the things he likes no Jamie probably we got the biggest fight over marriage story this guy that I'm flirting with and I just was like if I don't say that I don't like this movie I'm gonna have to watch it again so I just like be straight up about it and be like here like and they're like well why are you so conversation I'm like no I think this is just me literally telling the truth a lot of times girls pretend they like think they don't like because we've been wired to believe that you guys can't handle disagreements and then you interpret it as like a rejection do you I'm so worried about your ego that I don't want to criticize anything that you like yeah we've been wired to just make it no I totally love rugby yeah I remember when I was dating that one guy you know around yeah we were in Aspen and I I'm already I'm are no no no already feels right your are no no no it's already bad place with no oxygen no yes you are t nobody was like giving the option like maybe we could ski or sending it off I said no cuz my kneecaps they're bad kneecaps point both of them yeah I've had inflamed kneecaps oh I it was a real hard time for me to walk no from so anyway and too much no no this was a few years ago I don't know what happened I don't I'm not sure how they but something went bad in my knees and I had to go through physical therapy and have tape on my kneecaps for a few months because they couldn't I don't know what happened so I don't mess with that stuff but I was almost gonna agree to skiing never done in my life oh no you have a broken shoulder from snowboarding yeah no I don't I don't like that stuff broke my shoulder because I didn't want to tell a guy like you I'll just stay here oh yeah I remember reading on your book I'll just stay here you go have fun we'll see each other in like four hours yeah no I don't like that stuff if a guy stay inside and read and smell stuff I mean smell books or things what I'm just saying I want to be inside or in that garden I don't want to go do something adventure if you do need a woman that like goes down the slopes with you like I just you you know I'm saying yeah if you can't handle being away for four hours from your woman and her not having the same skillset as you think I mean sunny of sunny and she is dead oh man into a tree what are we doing why is anyone ever skiing no skiing is also if you're not asking you grew up rich like you can't just all of a sudden have grown up rich like if you didn't start skiing at five it's not happening yeah cuz you're close to the current gray and it's all three grand just to try it it's like I'm not willing to put in the invent I went to go snowboarding it's like the shoes and the clips and the hats and the [ __ ] in the [ __ ] [ __ ] it's just like I there's no way it's this fun I knows no way it's worth $3,000 that's so weird I just want to just give me a little sled sit on it nothing fun it more fun than a narrative yeah nothing more I remember that why do we have to bring sharp giant daggers and put them on each of our feet like what are we do is this [ __ ] even legal they're giant knives and we're going 80 miles an hour with no brakes call it good yeah skiing is what wild that's gangs cancelled times up on skiing why would anyone ski can you imagine think about it if someone if skiing didn't exist and someone came up with the idea today jail it'd be the fire festival of sports did you bring a ballet about that or something I have a whole bit about okay yeah yeah yeah yeah I think I saw that I do that my new hour that's so fun I talk about ballet for a good 15 minutes yes and how I think it should go yeah yeah it's gotta go the sickening you guys will see that when we're back on the road in six years yeah and then I also I went out the best way if you think of any other advice like since you are now on SNL and you're now so fancy have you learned anything about like money since you started making it that you think that people in their 20s would benefit from hearing well I think saving is always good I think I've always been a saver what do you spend money on that works where you're like that was worth it I buy a purse I feel worse I don't better I don't buy material things I'm my problem I'll buy little hunk things I ya know I like you know sometimes I'll buy like today I was gonna buy a garden gnome this morning stuff that's I guess that makes me happy but it's weird but um I think look I just got my first law my townhouse that was an investment buying real estate and spending money on your space is key yeah investing in your space don't buy the shoes buy the [ __ ] coffee table yeah I didn't I don't know I'm not the best with I just I'll save but that's good um that's good what's the best gift you've ever got but I was gonna also say I think now having one more like I save but I also I donate and I think that it feels that it's awesome because I mean I Trey yeah awesome but I mean bits like that that it should go out I don't know yeah that's awesome and you get a tax break donating your skin the pay less taxes later yep you can be selfish and benevolent at the same time yeah and then but I spoiled my penny yeah a lot of dogs yes that's key yeah dog doc get a duck duck you're a loner a person yeah and you're thinking too much on shoes and the purse get a adopt a dog yeah that is going that that's a big one yeah that should my life it's not cheese if you're gonna need day care and people to help you walk right but I thanks but I do look at like this past couple years Oh what year no with penny yeah I I don't feel that missing piece of lacking something to care I didn't have them someone to care for yeah like us we want to care about something we want to love something we want that unconditional love bond but people are the worst so dogs are like the perfect level of like okay this is not because even like I need to give I need to love things but when I do that with people or try to rescue people it just blows them in my face yeah dogs actually I see that they actually appreciate the love you give them it doesn't chase them away and they're capable of unconditional love but they keep you warm at night what more do you want feel so cozy with her it's so funny I'm always the breed of dogs people get or the kind of dog they get to me as always so fascinating and penny your dog it's I think she's my guess is she's like a whippet lab yeah for sure which is so perfect for you yeah yeah and it's so what's funny about penny is she has a really worried eyebrows in face you're like that - yeah you are the epitome of joy and spontaneity and fun and buoyancy but you there's also a think a little bit of yes warrior thinking and a good way in a good way how was dave grohl manis like he told the story about how he went he got stoned he took an edible by accident and went to like John Lennon's house or Tom Lennon whatever the guy for the Beatles and Taylor Swift was like singing a song he was so high until she was like singing a song and he said what song is that and she was like ever long like it was like his like he was so high that he didn't even not like just he just tells stories and such a funny I'm so obsessed with because that maybe you hang out something there like I'm waiting for that yeah I want that and that's what I'm talking about if you were pivoting hard here if you could date any celebrity right now who would it be I think it would be like Dave Grohl yeah well he's married but yeah but you're like if they weren't because my thing is I do think mm and I should date oh do you think I've been talking about a lot on the pot oh oh I want to do Shia LaBeouf he's I think married now and I think Shia is not well a lot of work yeah I think he's very brilliant but I think that would be a lot oh I think it would just maybe too intense I think so I think like I can you actually like to show idea you want someone chill you don't need an extra drama in your life SNL is like oh like it's a radio a big work thing you know like we have big emotions in our jobs there's a nice takes it's very intense I don't think we want that on our person no no no we want her song blanket you know like Eminem yeah yeah why a man him I just feel like Eminem and I would get along very well he talks about his addiction stuff I know a lot about it I'm in a program so we would connect on that level I feel like he is like comics and rappers are pretty similar and you know I mean just in terms of you're not just a we hold that hold that you saw me blink yeah you did you just I did I didn't hear what you said right now what happened I don't know I don't know just tuned me out I'm sorry yes what do you but what do you think happened I don't know you get bored I yeah I don't even know where I went this happens a lot okay so and and people know now you notice that yeah no you just went somewhere oh my god you're just like you just what okay starting starting at doll starting face your eyes did you most people just let that slide oh my gosh how do you and what's wrong you you're very no it's people that observant are good plan I don't this is John Dewalt knows this about me that Allison they know that that's for good friends that when I'm hanging out they they can tell when it this happens yeah but nothing happened in my head but so you just play with it you're just like yeah yeah we just keep going uh-huh uh-huh and then yeah being a wired but then and I'll go so what do you think I'm screwed then I really have to disc well I think why not and then you [ __ ] your charm on and have an impression and then no one [ __ ] calls you on right that's how that's what I've done a lot of my last rack yes you so this is this sure this charm thing is a total maladaptive behavior it's a manipulation like I just this is if I wanted someone to tune me out I'd hang out with a man I wouldn't hang out with you I would add you I would you I thought you would listen to me so how long is the blood I don't know that was a couple seconds huh mm-hmm where do you guide you go it just you go nowhere it's just I'd rather be anywhere but here no no it's not even that my brain just just it kind of just slowed down mm-hmm and it maybe it's like a lack of food or something oh yeah maybe you have low blood sugar I do okay a little bit all right we have to get you to eat but I I do think dating Eminem would be good for me I do feel like you could date I wish I think Tom Hardy's not single I feel like he'd be good for one of us today mmm mmm you want someone like chill who's like doesn't talk a lot write a giant black tie all right now I think it's someone who's gonna enjoy silence all right one of my favorite things is just sitting next to friend or person and we're both working on something I'm just having Tampines gather why it is the best it's so nice that's to me is like the ultimate intimacy yeah we've done that before outside we've done that we're just saying like this yeah just staring let's work together in totally different places it's the best and then when you do feel like you can check in at any moment but nothing feels like a rejection it's not like are you mad are you there's no pressure to perform yeah I would love to find that because I do think that we're in a time this quarantine thing is I think we're all gonna come out with less friends because the people that we didn't want to catch up with over the break you're gonna realize that we didn't like them that much in the first one like I just were friends with you because I saw you every day I work mm-hmm you know I'm not gonna like zoom with you mm-hmm you know there's a lot of people I'm like oh that was like a proximity friendship we were really only friends because I didn't have a choice is Brad Brad Pitt single he is single I think I I would go for bread pit well that is a hot take that is a hot take she's willing to make an exception for a white guy Brad I do that we got a manifest session okay this is my Brad Pitt impression you know how uh what's his name - Chanel what's his name nope Josh Duhamel Josh Duhamel married Fergie because he talked about her on a talk show anyway so let's put that out there can you have a brad pitt impression yeah okay it's real silly - okay you know he does that in Inglourious he's well now what we're gonna do is I'm gonna have I'm gonna see my own oh if I go see my friend Joe over there wave hi to Joe if you don't listen to him Joe over here is gonna shoot your eyes out okay I can't remember I did a video I got a I got a reposted I've no knows that it's like it you're gonna get that like slow like he's been doing that in the past like Tarantino films where he's just alright what do you say we have that dinner but I love Brad I mean I feel like he's really he's grown and I think his if he's a beautiful spirit he's a beautiful spirit he talks openly about getting sober mm-hmm and and that one article I think he was like I'm just so sick of hearing about myself he was like sick of him that's hot but that's no but are you doing an interview as you pose for a mountain shirtless oh man he's great I know he's great and he's it's interesting like he's one of the few people that have stayed famous and stayed love beloved and he like went there so famously yeah you know and we still love him can't stay mad at you Brad he's one of those I can't stay mad that's when you know you that's my definition of love by the way you can't stay mad no one's gonna get mad it's just can't stay mad mm-hmm we don't stay mad at Brad Pitt no no we don't stay mad at Jen we don't stay mad at Mel Gibson apparently we don't stay mad oh I don't know there's a lot of people about Mel yeah he's just like publicly did some wild [ __ ] and we like we're like Braveheart yeah I can't stay mad at you yeah you called your wife a [ __ ] for like 40 minutes on a voicemail it's fine boy yeah well yeah I say Brad Pitt though okay anything else I'm just we need to cover thanks for having me and I love you Whitney I love you so much this is fun we're gonna like spend more time together over the corn game yep anything yeah what do you think is me over it's your gut tell you June you think June you they were to be back in clubs and no person to I don't think well you think okay that's yeah I think that'll be next year I just want to share one stye don't know exactly don't that happened to me I went to coffee bean I hadn't gone in any places but I was going to see my mom in a nursing home and she can't leave right they're locked in um I was gonna Brett brought her some coffee right so I go to this coffee bean no one's in there most of it is the drive-through Starbucks right so it said no service without a mask I had gloves and I have my mask and I go in and the woman has her mask i order the coffee and the gymnastics that went on like the choreography that was already kind of like implicitly known between the two of us so she rings it up steps away I waited till she stepped away I leaned in I did my credit card like this mm-hmm stepped away she made my coffee and when she handed me my coffee I was six feet away from her she put it down kind of pushed it backed up then I stepped forward and took it like it was such a complicated set of moves that we implicitly do and I just was like that that was so complex like whenever you get back back to a place where someone's I mean a comedy club and just take a drink from a waitress and put it in their mouth I mean that's what our job is our job is for people to walk into a dark place with a thousand people and just take a drink from a stranger and put it in their mouth like it's like when are we gonna get back to that comfort level you know I'm sure there's gonna be officer it will be the vaccine in the antiviral but it's just do you remember when we used to just take a glass from a person whose hands we don't even know how many people touched it who touched it and just put it in our mouths in the dark shoulder-to-shoulder with thousands of people who are exhaling for two hours and oh yeah that's what performing as a comedian is and then you're asking people to like breathe on each other and then you're also asking them to not think about any of that like I think music you'll be able to go to a music festival and be like we have our outside we can have our masks and but for us it's like loose I mean comedy we're asking people to also be at their most carefree yeah so my question was like even if you are gonna be open the doors even if people are gonna come are they gonna be in the mindset where they feel like they can just forget you're asking people to forget about their problems and is everything gonna be a little reminder what's the thing and the put into this and the put and the the bill and the bill comes in the pen and what pen do I use in the in the where do I put my jacket and this person or that person or you're talking someone coughs is a show over when someone coughs is everyone thinking about that all of a sudden yeah you're right it's gonna might take a while it's just even if you can't open the doors are people gonna be emotionally ready is it gonna be an environment conducive to comedy I also feel like it because as I touch my face I know I touched and after I washed yeah I'd feel weird to be like come to my show let's sell out I don't want to do that for a new tent and no yeah it feels more like a little weird wrong cuz it's also a lot of people live with their parents or grandparents or visit you know what I mean like I think that when you live in LA or New York we're so disconnected from families like a lot of people like go see their grandma every Sunday or go see their mom on the weekend like you know their mom takes care of their kids like it's not just about young people interacting with young people yeah you know so it's just this weird thing where you know our job is asking people to get in the room Just Breathe all over each other this is where it just gets devastating and this is where this is where this is the last thing I want to say is that us performing and stuff right now it's been interesting like I did an Instagram live with your buddy Cecily strong yesterday and like we were kind of funny but it's it's this weird time where I never know if I'm supposed to be being funny and silly like as being silly disrespectful like it's this weird time where what's funny is changing I think something that's so great about you is like there's this kind of corona proof energy like like you're not talking about things that are charged you're not talking about politics like just like any time someone goes to your page you know it's gonna be fun you know it's gonna be like effervescent and buoyant and it's not you know a lot of my favorite comedians I'm like I love you I just don't want to watch you talk about coronavirus for 45 minutes right now but you know I mean yeah all your comedies about that like everything's political like I kind of want to break from that right now yeah yeah yeah I'm getting to a point right I only look at the news once a day cuz I'm just like I cannot keep just putting this [ __ ] in my veins all day yeah it's it's too depressing and I can't stay funny if I'm just like consuming this constantly yeah you know me too so I think it's important that was like we make sure that but it's it's just weird because it's like there is this line like I don't wanna be disrespectful but I also want to make sure that I'm staying funny like it's just like an interesting time to see how comedy is gonna evolve right now you know yeah and I think that's why I'm just leaning into things that bring comfort for me yeah it will hopefully bring comfort to others yeah but that's what I'm trying to do but yeah it felt weird once this started happening I was like oh I don't care about my dreams and goals I just I just want to yeah it's just so shifted a giant paradigm shift happened like especially I think for ambitious people where I just was like I think it's a little thing called perspective I think we all got it real quick especially overachiever types where's like oh nothing really matters the way we thought it did yeah all of a sudden but I think that for people that are overachievers especially the fact that other people aren't achieving anything either helps us be able to be like okay we don't have to compare and despair with other people right now either because they're not doing anything jeanna mean mm-hmm we never would have been able to take a three-month break while other people were generating stuff right yeah but yeah it is really interesting how the existential crisis came in real fast like nothing matters I'm just gonna draw birds yeah yeah but there is an interesting of like time to experiment like Who am I when I'm not doing things out of obligation Rushing's like Who am I like it's been an interesting question that I feel like hopefully all of us will be more developed interesting people after this I do think in terms of comedy we will all be worse at comedy yeah because we haven't done it for a year but we will have more interesting things and more introspective things to say yeah though we will be very rusty but I think we'll be grateful to be like back on stage like oh yeah I don't feel nice can't wait no I love you very much Melissa Instagram just your name right Melissa V comedy well that's a V calm and put it in Instagram and don't write elephants subscribe to the YouTube channel I don't know this [ __ ] the bed - normally says and I know I have to say it but I just subscribe you know it's you're an adult you know what to do I love you guys I always on this very awkwardly Melissa Villasenor is the best around nothing's gonna ever keep thanks for in detail oh my gosh my ears started hurting for some reason got warm in there oh this is a mess that's what it is we had it Mama's room into my ear [Music] [Applause]

Channel: Whitney Cummings

Views: 272,299

Rating: 4.8160567 out of 5

Keywords: whitney cummings, comedian, standup, female comic, female podcast, good for you podcast, podcast, stand up, melissa villasenor, melissa, villasenor, snl, impressions, brad pitt, lockdown

Id: jZFL5DP9Yeg

Length: 109min 23sec (6563 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 23 2020