Enjoying Marriage (Ted Cunningham)

so much for your reckless love for us that you would leave the 99 every time just to come in search of the one now we love you and we thank you for all that you do for us Adam this morning as you're moving through this place open our hearts and our minds to what you would have to say today and as pastor Ted Cunningham comes up here God at your words would just move through this place and we would leave this place changed we love you and we thank you again it's your name we pray amen you may be seated good morning it's good to see ya today you're all looking good and well some of you aren't looking good anyway most of you are delighted to see you here today this is a time to change sunday is one of the only Sundays of the year where the second service is bigger than the first I'm glad that you made it out and matter of fact we have several guests with us here today Eastside would you welcome our guests that are with us today just welcome our guests you're honestly in for a real treat today we had a wonderful first service and you are in for a treat we are delighted to have Ted Cunningham with us today he is the pastor of the Woodland Hills Family Church in Branson Missouri that he and his wife started and still pastor he's been married 22 years to Amy they have two kids Koren and Carson and I believe Carson is here with them today has a book table in the West Lobby that you need to check out before you leave because he's authored several several books and again we are just delighted to have I don't take up his time so Ted Cunningham would you come let's give him an east-side welcome and before we get started if you'd allow me just to pray with you because I'm impressed by his sleeping up here on the stage and it's clearly younger than I am no doubt about it let's pray together father I thank you so much for its heads heart for marriage and relationships and I pray out of his heart today you would speak to us and bring honor and glory to yourself I pray in Jesus name Amen amen good morning I'd love to get to know you a little bit if you've been married for more than 25 years more than 25 years in a row would you please stand and remain standing more than 25 years well deserved honor stay standing stay standing if you've been married more than 30 stay standing the rest of you may be seated more than 35 stay standing the rest of you may be seated more than 40 young people look around stay standing all of those standing have been watching Fox News since 4:00 a.m. 45 years stay standing the rest of you may be seated 50 um how long June 4th okay and next to you how many years married 60 and back here 53 and all the way back there yell it up to me 57 so who's got it I think right here so I'm gonna let oh you're sitting down usually you don't walk all the way to the front and he's going why are we still standing have y'all been married 58 next month alright cuz I almost forgot you I'm gonna let you pick I'm gonna I'm gonna give you 58 years of marriage so I I brought about five or six books but these are the first two books I ever wrote with Gary Smalley and you can pick one either from anger to intimacy or the language of sex [Applause] you go ahead and pick it for the go ahead good that's fantastic 58 years congratulations you've been married less than 25 would you stand less than 25 and you'll notice that no one applauds for you you've done nothing we've accomplished nothing less than 20 remain standing the rest of you may be seated 15 10 5 look at all the math going on right around the room right now you've been married less than three years stay standing the rest of you may be seated what a healthy Church what I hope that you listen to you've been married less than one year stay standing the rest of you may be seated six months less than six months oh they're falling oh I think it's I see three couples how long five months four months six just four months have it all right I'm giving you from anger to intimacy come on [Applause] you won't need it till next month but I want you to have it all right I want you to have it look at him hey take your time getting back there hey you guys are in love aren't you yeah yeah you know he said what us yeah I love it well I met my wife Amy on a blind date over 23 years ago we will be married 22 years this year the night I met her I looked at my buddy Austin I said I'm gonna marry this woman he said you can't decide that I said I already did I'll never forget walking into the kitchen of her six foot two full-blooded Norwegian father okay he's pretty much a Viking you got to see this guy very very intimidating and I said I'd like permission to marry your daughter and he responded in his thick Norwegian accent you betcha I said but only under one condition I was 22 Amy was 21 I had just graduated I wanted to break the rule and get married with her having another year of college left right and I said I want to marry her between her junior and senior year but only if you allow me to pay for her senior year of college to which he said your bat jaw and young guys will come up to me all the time at church services and events and they'll be like bro how do you get married at 22 and 21 and afford to pay for a senior year of college I said it's simple it's a sink called a job and I had more than one can I get an amen yeah and be like I'll get young guys going bro I can't afford to get married young to which I always respond the same bro I would believe that if you weren't holding a venti caramel macchiato in your right hand in an iPhone 8 in your left you need to start thinking Folgers and flip phones bro cuz you haven't started marriage right until you get your parents hand-me-down mattress you know what I'm talking about the dip already built-in you get in you roll to the center that's a good marriage right there so if you are single in here and not looking and not interested in dating or maybe you read a book years ago called I kissed dating goodbye it's time to say hello to dating it's time to pursue relationships you don't need to be afraid of marriage and hopefully at the end of this morning and even into this evening you'll be encouraged with a beautiful picture of marriage and to believe that you can have this for yourself and you don't have to wait till you're in your 30s or in your 40s well we had our daughter she turns 15 this year so over 15 years ago this is sugar if you're familiar with Kanna cut camps Joe white a good friend of ours raised this year my daughter she's our Pioneer Woman outdoor girl she likes not only knitting and crocheting she likes raising the animals harvesting the first spinning the yarn herself passionate about this and loves this little deer my son he loves deer - he's passionate about deer and I go to a lot of churches where pastors tell me you can't show that picture and I'm like I think I'm safe in Independence Missouri I just got to be honest with ya because this is half y'all's profile pictures on Facebook right here and I like I'm excited that I'm only five point eight miles from Bass Pro Shops okay so but I grew up in a fishing family I was born in Naperville Illinois outside of Chicago and I did not grow up hunting but a few years ago Joe took Carson and I taught Carson how to shoot Carson drops this 11-point buck on his first time out hunting and I mean we're in a stand by ourselves Joe's a half mile away he drops them and we are down Creekside I mean we're having a father/son moment like we've never had before we're high five and in Carson goes dad dad dad what do we do and I'm like I have absolutely no idea I said but I think according to the movie Red Dawn you gotta take a bite out of its heart while I all Marines I think that's how this whole thing goes so passionate about marriage apparently today I want to give you three pillars that our church has been working with for the past ten years if you ever get down to Branson Missouri visit us on a Sunday Woodland Hills Family Church and if you come to Branson I'm gonna promise you one of these this is my son Carson and I this is last fall he hooked the seven pound rainbow all by himself you ain't catching these in Kansas City I got to be real honest with you but you can get that in Branson so this is my little Chamber of Commerce pitch I always do in every church I go to around the country passionate about Branson but more passionate about marriage and family and so 10 years ago we started something called to ignite where we took the second Sunday of every month no matter what series we were in if we were teaching through a book of the Bible verse by verse or a topical series we stopped the second Sunday of every month and we taught about marriage and the big ideas behind that is what it's what I call their the pillars of this ministry and we did this for seven years and so for seven years our church received over 70 messages on marriage and about halfway through to ignite Sundays I got I got passion as I looked around and saw the young men in our church not pursuing women not dating not asking anyone out I became burdened by this because young men today are finding their adventure and video games and their romance and porn and so as a pastor I started getting passionate about it I'm encouraging the young men in our church to ask out women it's time to start dating it's time to think about marriage I went to Liberty University where dr. Falwell almost every Wednesday spoke in Chapel and he would tell us don't you dare leave this campus without a wife guys pursue dating get married and you've you been on a Christian campus you know it's called ring by spring right so the whole thing it was a passionate passionate part of Liberty well I started saying why are we not doing this in the church why are we not we we celebrate marriage with weddings we do that well I believe but we don't promote marriage we got to get back to painting a beautiful picture of marriage man I was fired up challenging the young guys to pursue marriage and I started getting letters and emails and you're like shocker I don't know pastor if you get letters or emails of criticism but I do and my favorite letter came from a senior lady in our church named Deb and and she she said hey Ted thanks for putting some fire back into the young men but don't forget about us old women she said we'd like to go on a date from time to time too why don't you start challenging the old men in the church to start asking out the old women and I'm not I'm here to tell you that'll grow a church in Branson Missouri I can tell you that you start connecting old people I don't know what website that would be Baldknobbers calm or I have no idea but but she gives me this letter telling me pastor don't forget about us old people get us going on dates get us married us widows we're you know and I'm something like hey why ain't he doing she listed for me in this letter all of her assets house on the lake pension the last line of her asset list was to see dues I have to see dues so I read it before our congregation in the first service and at the end of it I'm worked up I'm passionate if I figured out I'm worked up at the end I go alright let me ask you was Anil's where are the men for Deb and five guys stood up at the end of the service three guys came forward and the first two asked me hey pastor can you show us a picture or can you point her out for us and I said be happy to that third guy walks out to me he goes hey pastor you got a picture of those sea-doos and in our church I don't care what your age is we would call that and we would call him a little boy and little boys make bad husbands and so let me share with you these three pillars as we begin painting a beautiful picture of marriage and so if you're young and single if you're young single and not in love listen up you got a 90% chance of walking down the aisle one day according to research if you're young and in love and planning on walking down the aisle soon listen up mom and dad grandma and grandpa listen these three pillars are what we all need to be doing in the church should be painting a beautiful picture of marriage not just celebrating it with a wedding but promoting it and so that's the first big idea the first big idea is honoring marriage this would be the first pillar honor marriage Hebrews 13:4 says marriage should be honored by all so the idea behind honor is just a steaming is highly valuable if I want to honor you as a person I'm gonna speak words of high value over you we would also call that the blessing I'm gonna give you a blessing by all means whether you're married or single young or old we're all called to esteem marriage as highly valuable so marriage may not be for you right now you may not be at that season in life but as a follower of Jesus Christ you are called to be for marriage so marriage may not be for you but you were called to be for marriage and then the next part of the verse and the marriage bed kept pure now I grew up in an independent fundamental premillennial King James Version only Baptist Church okay I grew up in a church in a home that taught me how to love Jesus but I wanted to show you off of this verse because I heard this verse in youth group growing up all the time it was the same outline every time they spoke on Hebrews 13:4 the outline was simple don't wait quit stop it don't touch that that was the outline because I grew up in a church in a home that taught me how to honor purity not marriage and my passion is to get young people understanding that that in especially in youth groups and with our children's ministry we need to be starting early teaching our young people to honor esteem marriage is a good thing not just purity but we've got to understand marriage used to be the cornerstone it used to be something we all esteemed is highly valuable but the problem today is it's become the capstone young people are doing everything else in life and saying marriage is something I'll do after I've done everything else the five milestones of adulthood they've been the same in every generation it's 58 years of marriage right 58 these were your five milestones they're my generations five milestones my son out here in the lobby it's his five milestone then here they are leave home finish school or apprenticeship or on-the-job training get a job okay I will repeat that for anybody living in their parents basement with Star Wars bed sheets on their bed get a job get married start a family just say it again cuz I know I throw those at you pass leave home finish school or training get a job get married start a family same five milestones of adulthood for all generations the difference between your generation and my generation your generation completed these five milestones in a very short period of time if not in the same week but it was like this it was go-go-go fast fast you ain't got time okay but now what we've done is we've taken those five milestones and we've stretched them out on this track that we call prolonged adolescence prolonged adolescence is defined as too much privilege not enough responsibility and what and and we don't talk about prolonged adolescence is enough but it is a leading cause of divorce in our country today people refusing to grow up and what we say is you got to get your degree or degrees you got to get a job you got to not only make money you need to save some money you need to get your first place you need to get established before you'll ever be successful at marriage we have a term we put on it independence learn become independent but I submit to you that independence is a socially acceptable term for selfishness it's we're sending our children out of the home and saying go live by yourself and for yourself for another 10 15 20 years and after you do all that put the capstone of marriage on it but I think there's another way and that that that way is in this room right now it's represented in that first group that stood so I'm gonna ask you I'm gonna give you a few scenarios I want you to raise your hand if this describes you not on all of them but on this first one you say we were mature when we got married would you raise your hand okay look around the room we have another term for them they're called farmers why well because farmers and other other occupations where they just didn't have a choice they were up by the time they were three four or five years old they were working they were handed massive amounts of responsibility and very little privilege so when they left their homes they were ready for the responsibilities of work and relationships but let me ask this next one you say we were immature when we got married but grew up together Amy and I would raise our hands on that one and young people please look around and hear that you can get married and grow up together you don't have to wait to accomplish everything else when I meet couples that have been dating for seven years my heart aches for them because they're waiting for the spreadsheet to all balance out I'm not gonna ask you to raise your hand if your spreadsheet is currently balancing because there'd be a lot of married couples going it ain't balancing right now let me ask this next one you would say we were immature when we married I grew up my spouse did not don't raise your hand on that one right there don't raise your hand how about the fourth one we were immature when we married my spouse grew up I did not how many would raise your hand on that that's a huge step of maturity right there how about this last one we were immature when we married and still are I love the honesty of my millennial friends yeah we're working on it though painting a beautiful picture of marriage tells young people you got this you can do this you don't have to be afraid of this we can pursue marriage it's a good thing we can honor marriage esteem it is highly valuable until young people on and by the way when I'm encouraging people to get married and when I'm challenging people to avoid the unnecessary delay of marriage I'm not encouraging people to rush marriage I get that criticism a lot I wrote a book called young and in love challenging the unnecessary delay of marriage and people the the comments and and and critique on that book always just pushing people to get man up pushing people to get married who's just promoting it we're saying it's a good thing there's another message though that has found its way into the hearts of many young people and they've just watched this this message has found its way into the church it's a message I'm I'm trying with every breath I have in me to come against and the message goes something like this God gave you your spouse to beat you down and to suck the life out of you so you can be more like Jesus what you let that sink in for just a second because a good friend of mine Gary Thomas wrote a great book I want to encourage you to get this book read it at some point it's called sacred marriage and in that book he asked the question what if God gave you your spouse to make you holy more than happy some people never even read the book but they took that subtitle which was a question and is still a question and they changed it from a question to a statement they changed some words around and now you will hear leaders say this God gave you your spouse to make you holy not happy and I'm here to tell you not true a few years ago Gary and I were invited to the same conference and they said we're gonna do a debate on happiness versus holiness Ted we want you to argue for happiness and I said so long as you don't introduce me after Gary speaks for holiness and and now to argue against holiness I'm for holiness okay but but I think we've got to get back to this the second pillar of teaching people how to enjoy marriage the decision to enjoy marriage painting a beautiful picture of marriage means that we encourage young people with enjoying life together husband and wife if you haven't done your quiet time in ecclesiastes lately I encourage you to go there it's a great winter read it's dark it's pessimistic it will very much pick up your spirits on a cold snowy day in Missouri but I love the collegiality just twelve chapters and here are the bookends chapter one life is hard chapter twelve then you die these are the bookends chapter one generations come and generations go but the earth remains forever and Solomon begins painting a picture of the earth as a grinder you and I are born into this grinder it's a theme throughout all of scripture and we're only here for a short time and then we're gone and the grind keeps going we don't stop the grind we're just born into it Psalm 90 and verse 10 says seventy years you have upon this earth 80 if you're strong those years though are filled with sorrow and anguish meaning life is challenging and that's chapter 12 of Ecclesiastes eventually your body finds its way into the grind and your big body begins break King down as my mentor and co-author said four years in an elder at our church when he hit his 70s he said you know staying alive is a part-time job for me because he would say I'm in Ecclesiastes 12 right now I get you get up in the morning Ted and hop out of bed and take your health for granted he said I jump up out of bed when I can and I have to think about the rest of my day and I have to plan my day out health-wise because why Chapter 12 his body found its way into the grind but in the middle of life is hard and then you die we got Ecclesiastes nine seven through nine that says this go eat your food with gladness and drink your sparkling cider with a joyful heart I always clean that up for the Baptist churches I just need you to know that for it is now that God favors what you do boy you you know what we got to get back to in our culture and in our country and in our homes is families gathered around a table with no technology and no distractions leaning in listening to one another eyeball to eyeball body language about it and just enjoying time around a table that's all that's saying God favors this is what I love in Acts chapter 2 when you read the story of the first century Church of the first of the start of the church it says they ate together with glad and sincere hearts there's just there's gladness around a table when we enjoy one another around good food and Welch's verse eight always be clothed in white and always anoint your head with oil adding to enjoying life joy and festivity we should be enjoying life and especially follower of Jesus those who fear the Lord and keep his Commandments should be the most joyful people on the planet and then verse 9 reads endure life with your wife and I love I just I it's on the screen so it doesn't get to be a punchline but when I go to churches and it's not on the screen and there are no open Bibles and I misquote that endure life with your wife I always get a few that's good that's good and I get the pounce that's not what it says it doesn't say endure life with your wife all your miserable days it says verse nine very important theology for marriage that we often leave out when we talk about marriage enjoy life with your wife whom you love all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the Sun Under the Sun is the theme throughout all of Ecclesiastes just life upon this earth under the Sun all your meaningless days now watch this enjoying life for this is your lot in life and in your toil some labor under the Sun soil some there means grueling the word there is grueling grueling labor providing for a family can be challenging difficult and painful and all God's people said but your marriage isn't meant to be think about this God didn't give you your spouse to be the grind he gave you your spouse to go through the grind width and if right now your spouse is not your teammate and your spouse is your opponent on basically every issue that comes into the home you've turned your spouse into the grind and God didn't give you your spouse to be the grind when I meet a young man who tells man I had big dreams plans and goals for the future but then I got married like yeah you're missing it God didn't give you your spouse to destroy your life he gave your spouse and you must choose this is an imperative here you must choose to enjoy life with your wife tell guys in our church all the time stop looking for greener grass where there's greener grass there is a septic leak stay home and water your own lawn and all God's people said for a good time call home but today what are the buzzwords today compatibility and chemistry gotta have compatibility and so we think compatibility and enjoying life with your wife means you got to take a test you got to have an algorithm set you up and I tell Esther I just spoke at liberty a couple of weeks ago on Valentine's Day and I was able to tell the entire student body I don't care how you meet right it's what you do after you meet that matters I don't care how you meet eharmony.com match.com farmersonly.com ancestry.com I don't care how you meet I'm sorry I should've left the Arkansas jokes back in Branson it doesn't matter how you meet it's what you do after you meet pursue traditional relationship formation milestones and by the way enjoying life with your wife whom you love that is a decision and 58 years of marriage guess what they went through the same toilsome labor that I did right did you have to do you have kids yeah did you have to feed them did you have to clothe em and that cost money did you work for that money are you a trust fund baby no you worked for it that's my point if if we were to go around this room right now I'm here to tell you we all have the toilsome labor challenging the difference is I've made the decision in my marriage to enjoy life with my wife we're gonna go through this toilsome labor together enjoying one another not not going at one another it's a decision you have to make I'm married to a strong woman raise your hand if you're married to a strong woman good answer good answer raise your hand if you love being married to a strong woman I do good even better answer right there right of course I do yes I do honey and I'm looking around the room and the ladies are going raise your hand a strong woman and you I'm married to a cow man she's a strong woman we'll be driving down the road just having the most pleasant conversation something to be said and done it's Kapow right there that whoa all right here we are rodeo time let's go and some of you you don't enjoy that I love it I do because my wife's great at making decisions she's man she is a decision maker but she's passionate I don't call her a strong woman she's a passionate woman and I mean she just oh everything and I'm a little bit more and I feel passionate I'm too passionate right now but off off of preaching I may be a little bit more laid-back but I can come home from a bad day at church or just what like had a bad last meeting and Amy's like hey babe how was your day like you know it was kind of a rough day and she looks at me she goes fine let's quit moved to Africa be missionaries full-time Wow I think we should bring it down a notch I think we should sleep on it get up in the morning before we sell everything we own and move to Africa I think we should really think that through before we go hop in continents anybody else agree with me on it but she's passionate we'll go for walks and like I'm like let's just do a leisure stroll through the neighborhood no no we got to get in our steps and get our clock on right we're whoa and everything is like man and we'll be walking into it got up where yeah and she'll ask me on a walk this is true she'll ask me I don't are you squeezing your cheeks together Amy my buttocks is not in this conversation right now but that's who she is a passionate woman I don't know if you know that show fixer-upper with chip and Joanna Gaines yeah if I ever meet chip Gaines I'm gonna punch him right in the face I hate that man and everything he stands for he is ruining our marriage I'll come home from work and Amy will be standing in the family room I'm like hey babe what's going on and should go ah how about after dinner we moved that wall right there and I don't know I hate fixing things up raise your hand if you hate fixing things up and chip Gaines does it on this show and he does little dances telling jokes and having fun not me I'm not in so I went online I found a term that saved our marriage literally and the term is load-bearing every wall in our home is load-bearing and I speak this over every house in here every home in here has load-bearing walls you can't touch him that's my wife she's just passionate and I love this and I didn't realize early in the marriage and I don't know I don't know this couple well but I'm assuming she asked you questions and there are time she asks you a question you're like why would she think why does she think I know the answer to that question like we'll watch movies and they'll be engineers doing something or chemists and like hey what are they doing I have I failed biology I have no idea what and I'm watching the same movie in real time as you are but I'm like I don't I never understood this we would drive through construction zones and and Amy be like hey babe yeah what are they doing right here let's see right hey babe yeah I wasn't involved in any of the meetings on this project right I have no idea but can I just tell you what I didn't understand early in marriage is she's not asking me questions for information she wants connection we drive down the road drives her crazy that we sit there for 15 minutes thinking about nothing and the longer we think about nothing the more we smile right we're happy and she'll be like what are you thinking about right now and the answer thinking about nothing drives her crazy and so I have to look at the sticker in the upper left-hand corner we need an oil change in 300 miles she wants connection not information and I didn't know that early on but part of choosing this what I love about my wife she made the decision we're not gonna let everything frustrating irritating pet peeves coming into our marriage we're gonna choose to have fun because staying married for 58 years is a choice that flows from your character not compatible compatibility flows from from decisions you make on character it's I'm making the decision to stay married and the decision to enjoy life with your wife flows from the exact same place we made the decision to remove the divorce word from our marriage we're also making the decision to take everything irritating frustrating and annoying and enjoying it together man do I love that ah I absolutely love that and Amy she's strong with it and so I've been studying comedy for about the last two years and one of the things I love about comedy is it's it's just it's simple but it's it's a method like anything else in a strategy but you have to premise punchline premise punchline premise punchline in and a callback is you take the punchline from earlier in the set you bring it back up 15 or 20 minutes later off of a different premise and it gets even a bigger laugh when I first studied that I thought why aren't we doing this in marriage why are we allowing these scripts and this conflict just to keep going keep going keep going what if we turn every conflict into a callback and one of our callbacks and one of the ways I enjoy life with my wife is now every single time we drive through a construction zone Amy will go hey babe what are they doing right here I don't get frustrated I turn into the construction foreman I told him rip it up boys we're going 12 lanes not six I'll roll down the window I'll talk to guys as we drive by John we talked about that you want a great marriage just start making stuff up that's how you have a great marriage she wants connection not information I've been sharing this around the country one of my favorite call back stories came from a new friend I said you gotta let me use that cuz he's with me hates fixing things gets tired of coming home and all right it's broke what do you wanna do oh I hate it cuz I'm not just I'm just not a handy person he goes I got to work one day and my wife calls uh yeah you forgot to fix the toilets running in the master bath oh honey go take the lid off look you'll see the chains wrapped around the ball and she does just yep sure enough that's what's happening he goes reach in there and she goes hello disgusting I'm not reaching in there and he goes honey it's tap water it's like the water that comes out of the sink it's completely clean there's nothing ever dirty been in there convinces her to reach in and right before she reaches in she goes Oh am I gonna get electrocuted that's not even the punch line wait for the punch line here he came up with the best callback I've ever heard I've even stolen it I use it myself around our house he goes honey you got to unplug the toilet first [Laughter] so now he says when I'm walking out the door and something needs to be fixed he goes all I have to do for the laughs and for both of us to have just a quick fun enjoyable moment together is yell back in the house just unplug it and he walks out the door it's a decision that you make enjoying life in marriage please hear me enjoying life in marriage is a decision not an outcome we live in a culture that says when I'm in the right season oh just you know wait till we have kids have you ever noticed when you have kids that everybody leading up to having your first child oh you're gonna love children you should have children you have a bunch of children it's gonna be the greatest thing you've ever had then you announce you're getting your you know having your first child and you hear all your life's never gonna be the same from the same people and then you're like if we can just get these kids out of diapers we'll have a better marriage if we can just get these kids off to school right if we can just get these kids out of school we can just get these kids out of the house and set up in their own homes and what we're always pushing off enjoying life together it's now in whatever season you're in you have to choose it you have to make the decision those of you raise your hand I'm married to a strong woman or if you're married to a strong spouse let that spouse lead out and say let's you pick it and I'm we're gonna have fun we're gonna enjoy life together one more thing one more pillar in this prioritizing I actually go back I want to share this this is my plug kind of for tonight if right now your marriage is stuck in the toilet some labor you turned your marriage into toilsome labor and you've turned your spouse into your opponent rather than your teammate that's where we're kicking it off tonight at 5:00 we're gonna be talking about from anger to intimacy but we're gonna be talking about communication how to get to the heart of your spouse how to help your spouse win every argument okay and that's gonna be from five to seven I now will go to the last pillar prioritize marriage this verse Genesis 2:24 we often quote just as a marriage verse but we lose the great nugget and parenting teaching that is in this passage for this reason a man will leave his father and mother in other words go back to those milestones when we talked about a moment ago with honoring marriage my job as a parent is to make sure my children leave home as adults not on a journey to become one it's not the job of college to turn my children into adults it's not the job of their first employer and it's not the job of their spouse that's the job of mom and dad we're supposed to be raising children who doesn't say for this reason a child leaves his mom and dad doesn't say for this reason and adolescent leaves his mom and for this reason the verse that Jesus quotes and that Paul quotes central marriage teaching in the Bible begins with this reason a man someone who's prepared for the responsibilities of work and marriage leaves the home you can ask my son Carson what's your dad's definition of maturity according to Genesis 2:24 and Carson will go oh I will not be with mom and dad forever so plan accordingly that's right painting a beautiful picture of marriage and preparing your children to leave home begins with you prioritizing your marriage over them this passage is teaching that the bond between a husband and a wife is to be stronger than the bond between a parent and a child your children are supposed to leave and a great gift a great gift to your children a great gift for their future marriage a great gift for them being set up for success in life is not all the attributes and accomplishments academics activities and athletics it's a mom and dad who love and enjoy one another don't overlook your marriage as one of your best parenting tools you like well we have a blended family this is just as true for blended families prioritize your marriage in the home eradicate the kid centered home go home now or on the way home today from church look at your kids and say I love you you are a welcomed addition to this home but you will no longer be the center of it and your teenagers will be like I don't know what this heretic was talking about at church today but I'd like to revisit his final point we tell our kids at all the time we love you think about we do you're a welcomed addition to this home and they are but you are not the center of it you've want to add one to it I always add this one we love you you're a welcomed addition to this home you're not the center of it and your mom and I we got big plans after you leave and they'll be like well what are you gonna do well first of all we're going to Disney World that's where we're kicking this whole thing off enjoying life together man my son and I we love watching YouTube clips I want to ask you this question do you have a marriage worth repeating do you have a marriage because your children see everything you do they hear everything you say they remember everything forget nothing and then they repeat do you have a marriage worth repeating my son's favorite youtube clip is the German Coast Guard if he get time today go type in into YouTube German Coast Guard 30-second clip it's real fast and he falls over and laughter when he sees this clip especially for the first time guys being trained day 1 on the German Coast Guard when a mayday comes in Mayday Mayday we are sinking we are sinking huh hello this is the German coast god Mayday Mayday we are sinking we are sinking what are you thinking about my son falls over and laughter a few weeks later we're driving down the road and I start singing a hymn from my childhood that goes like this I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful Shore and from the backseat I heard and what were you thinking about and I looked at my wife and I said they see everything they hear everything they forget nothing and then they repeat and I want a marriage worth repeating I want my children to leave home as adults ready for their own marriage to be Carson to be united to his wife and the two become one flesh when my daughter was five she was kind of taken over the home this is when I first started learning about the kid centered home as I quote what is going on I remember sitting her down on the breakfast probably put my hand on her heart and I said Corinne Mae Cunningham there's only one Queen in this house and you ain't her she looked at me with those eyes that said we'll see next day she tells my wife there's room enough in this house for two queens I put her back on the breakfast bar I put my hand on her heart and I said Corinne Mae you'll never be my queen but you're my princess and what that means is one day I'm gonna stand at the back of a church with you looking down the aisle and I'm not walking you down that aisle until I know he loves you as much as me because it's at that moment and that day where we see Genesis 2:24 come to life and we see the image of it I said I'm gonna walk you down an aisle and give you a way to become another man's Queen said you'll never be my queen but you're gonna be another man's Queen I said Korean I'm gonna blow it in a lot of areas as your dad but I said here's one I'm telling you this at five she's gonna be 15 this year I said Corinne a big part of my parenting strategy is between now age five and that day when I walk you down the aisle I want to show you to the best of my ability every day how a queen should be treated I want you to see it I want you to know what it looks like because I don't know if you got a five year old girl but mom and I Amy and I would be talking and Corinne would just walk into the room and what do we do well parent all we want to stop don't stop don't stop that conversation husband and wife keep it go right there you're teaching you know why that's important because I don't want her one day walking into a boardroom going you'll get fired you understand this eradicating the kids centered home and prioritizing your marriage is a gift to your children it's eradicating I don't talk a lot about prolonged adolescence I talk about the source of it and the source of prolonged adolescence is the kid centered home we raise our children in homes and we center the home around that kid for 20 years and then we send them out of the home and we say hey you know what a good strategy for your marriages go live for yourself and by yourself for another 10 years and when you're done with that get married because two independent people coming together makes for a great marriage no the better way is leaving as mom and and I I will tell you for almost biblically traditionally all the way up to the about the past 6070 years this took place like in a day you left your parents home and went into your new home well now there's a gap between this you leave mom and dad's home and you spend that 10 years but I'm telling you mom and dad begin early look at your kids we love you you're a welcomed addition to this home but you're not the center of it anybody here got toddlers right now you see the hand I've been watching you've been fun to watch toddlers how old are your kids she's three do you know this couple married 58 years you do okay would you do me a favor and if you're okay with this would you make it your mission when you leave today come down here and meet this couple you need to get to know them you know why because you got antibacterial product hanging all over your purse she used to let her kids pick up cigarette butts and chew on him and her kids are fine and you need to talk to him because he used to let his kids sleep in the back window of the car on long trips you now strapping me like you're launching them doubt or space right here we go oh this won't be bad 12 hour diagnose for 12 hours they used to put three kids in one play pen with only one toy that's where we got the idea for cage fighting when the kids messed up they took all three kids out of the playpen they turned the playpen upside down and put it on top of them and their kids are fine those were good days how many remember drinking out of garden hoses oh and we're fine raise your hand if you've ever been shot by a BB gun oh I'm an independence now listen you want to lower the crime rate in this country you let your daughter start shooting little neighbor kids with their BB gun now how many of you remember shooting your brother with a BB gun no protective eyewear your parents standing in the kitchen just watching [Applause] those were good days and then dad would come out and help you build a ramp to jump your bike over the ditch and when you fell in when you crash he didn't come running he would just yell way to go son that was a good one get up shake it off rub some dirt on it and if the dirt didn't work you took pepto-bismol anybody knows that whatever pepto solved everything mom would always come running out with the cup anyway how many of you remember when your dad couldn't figure out which of your siblings was at fault so he just spanked Talia anybody remember those were good days how many of you remember when your dad sent you upstairs to wait for your spanking that was worse than the spanking how many remember when your dad sent you upstairs to wait for your spanking and then forgot he sent you upstairs to wait for your spanking and you're now in this moral dilemma do I go tell my dad I'm ready for my spanking as soon as you started thinking that you heard him coming up the stairs you heard the belt hitting every loop my brother four years older than me he is stubborn he'd sit on his side of the bed Oh daddy ain't gonna break me I'm like are you kidding I'm screaming on the backswing how many of you ever when your mom spanked you with whatever she had handy anybody remember that all's we're good days how many of you been spanked by a blow dryer raise your hand oh I've been spanked by a bloater kitchen utensil yeah how many of you remember when your mom gave permission to spank you two total strangers does anybody remember that he's online well I had good parents my parents I remember they used to tell me that the bell on the ice cream truck meant they were out of ice cream those are good parents right there those are good parents man you remember when we used to be able to play sports without committing ourselves to tournaments in Beijing we're getting out of hands with the sports people I gotta be honest with you it's getting out of hand I walk up with my son's karate class and the master comes out all excited I got good news I'm like what's that he goes we're going to the World Championships in Italy he said why not I go I've never been to Italy and the first time I go to Italy will be with my wife not my son's dojo Karate Kid that ain't happening so let me ask you and I want you to give it to me give it to me loud in William Wallace fashion when it comes to honoring your marriage keeping the marriage bed pure enjoying your marriage prioritizing your marriage eradicating the kids centered home which will eradicate prolonged adolescence will you run or will you fight and she's going we will run let's wait till she gets in kindergarten oh you will fight so give it to me with everything you got will you run out or will you fight Oh see you back here tonight at five o'clock thank you very much inside for having you hold on hold on hold on wait just one second thank you so much Ted Cunningham I do invite all of you to be back tonight five o'clock casual gathering we do have a meal that will be feeding the kids and so I want you to be back for that also when you leave today invite cards you can pick up a signed place in your yard not your neighbor's yard or not some city place around the stop sign all right in your yard also books Ted Cunningham has books for sale in the West lobby and so I encourage you to stop by check those out and pick up a book let's all stand so staying over those of you that are guests thank you for being here with us today glad you chose to be worship with us you are dismissed see you back tonight

Channel: East Side Church

Views: 25,462

Rating: 4.9226518 out of 5

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Id: xkmEVzOWvg4

Length: 53min 37sec (3217 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 11 2018