Eight Crazy Nights - Nostalgia Critic

[Music] [Music] oh wow I'm a nostalgia critic guy remember it so you don't have to you know it must be hard being Jewish I mean I don't want to make an assumption about a pain a group of people I don't represent us going through but it's gotta be hard not because of the years of oppression not because they're still prejudiced jerk off husband but because around the holidays for all the well-known Christmas movies that exist you only have one well-known Hanukkah movie and sadly it's brought to you by Beelzebub foreskin himself Adam Sandler [Music] [Applause] yep we have Jimmy Stewart finding the will to live again you have Adam Sandler humping a car we have Ebenezer Scrooge donating to the cold and hungry you have deer eating [ __ ] we have Charlie Brown realizing the importance of loving thy neighbor you have Rob Schneider playing a stereotype so racist that Asians will be praying for the good old days of Mickey Rooney and squinty eyes and buck teeth I never knew the hardships that your people had to go through I never knew the turmoil but that you had to get past yeah I never do the pain that you were suffering through until I realized that this asshat is the cinematic face of your beloved holiday I'm sorry I'm just sorry it especially sucks cuz it comes from a person who I think and be funny and yet he constantly shits on the face of good comedy Sandler can be entertaining he's a good songwriter a decent actor I can even make a funny movie every once in a while but why does he have to destroy the talents of good artists clever performers and a beautiful 2d animation departments so desperate for a hint that they actually thought the guy who bombed little Mickey would be their salvation people I'm not gonna lie this is a hard one no matter what holiday you celebrate this is one of the hardest movies you will ever have to get through which is why I'm giving you permission right now if you want to go watch something else and leave me here to review it I will completely understand [Music] what do you say we dick the horse with balls for tea or seeing how it's the holidays you could sit and watch the movie with me this is a crazy night oh it's that kind of movie Oh Pete change the title down tonight so the film opens with a Rob Schneider narration good start he tells us about Davey played by Adam Sandler and how everyone around Hanukkah time is happy except for him which is ironic as during most viewings of his movies and I'm Sandler is the only happy one and everybody else is miserable the head honcho of holiday humbug lives right here a little old dukesberry and that fool is sitting inside the china dragon coming up with his own way of feeling tingly all over Oh scorpion born at 5 minute that's God the bill restaurant record and like I said before that is Rob Schneider also is the Chinese restaurant order I am the realest thing Yamaguchi he know pay for he's for scorpion born that one caught me by surprise I wouldn't make a joke about Rob Schneider playing yet another racially insensitive stereotype but I have a theory that the more I believe Rob Schneider doesn't exist the more possible it could be that it might actually one day happen so until further notice what Rob Schneider racially insensitive stereotype I don't see a Rob Schneider racially insensitive stereotype hopefully not plan on driving a nice stone oh no officer I'm just gonna say good night to my car then walk home and enjoy the holiday decorations oh mama you like it when I hold you like this cuz I'll do it all night long you may notice too in this bill that the animation is surprisingly really really good in fact it's insultingly good like what the hell are these beautiful colors excellent line work and graceful movements doing in a story from the mind of Hollywood's abandoned pregnancy it wishes it have and ironically this works against the film because the animation is so good it doesn't match the tone at all in a much better animated Sandler film Hotel Transylvania the high-speed energy and quick pace matches the delivery perfectly here the animation is much slower and closer to real life so the characters don't move like funny anime characters they move like constipated baby elephants not being allowed to express themselves the way an anime character should in fact the real [ __ ] irony is there's no reason to animate this story yeah when you watch it all the way through it's pretty pointless the budget probably will been the same if not cheaper if it was live-action so why do it was the idea that they knew this [ __ ] wasn't gonna be watchable in three dimensions so they figure a drawing of the same [ __ ] would somehow make it better if we mount a Vinci drew a picture of kat dennings not being funny and still be kat dennings not being funny hyssop is it me what he no pay for he sports goal being born oh boy so TV runs away from the police after not paying his bill and gets arrested but he's in good hands as thankfully the judge like spewing exposition more than he does actually sentencing people i've sent you to reform school the drunk tank the local psychiatric ward cuz you used to be a good kid playing ball for the jewish community center with the best jump shot this town's ever seen what an odd thing to say i still got a pretty good jump shot let me show you i'd hit a three-pointer for you except I'd have to drop my pants and pop a thumb up my boo-boo Oh charming destined to become a classic holiday live god bless maybe Christmas perhaps means a little bit more I'd have to drop my pants and pop a thumb up my booboo Dickens himself could not write better just as he's about to lay down some much welcome jail time a man named whitey intervenes whitey we went over this two months ago it's your last year of refereeing the youth league basketball you're turning 70 years old and our insurance company says they won't cover you anymore Jesus guys you have any lines not telling somebody else's backstory whitey you're is hard to figure out as the origin of my tie which of course started to be worn in Europe during the Thirty Years War what you don't know the 30 Years War is well I'll start from the beginning years ago the earth was a molten mass whitey if you want to work with this Punk than god bless you but mr. stone what whitey says go so whitey offers to look after him as a referee in training the performance of this white-haired little man is voiced by well gee it could be anyone Abby I don't have a clue maybe Sandler her some angelic voice thespian from the Shakespearean theatre and said he must be one of my leading stars I mean this is a character was in what 70% of the movie thank God I found a voice so charming and so beloved to listen to that 70% of movie people 70% of the movie you get to hear that voice just listen to how not ear-bleeding ly bad it is to listen to [Music] enjoy how he is in no way worse than Jar Jar Binks singing Bjork while scratching a blackboard with a screaming baby during a fire alarm in a house of howling mental patients in fact I'm not gonna jump to any conclusions I'm just gonna call mr. Sandler right now to figure out who did that voice hello mr. Sandler yeah nostalgia critic longtime admirer of your genius uh listen I just have one question for you who was that inspired old man who put trade why do you eat crazy nights yeah actually I got a little secret for you it wasn't an old man at all mr. Sammon I think I speak for all the world when I say that we as a species have seen actors become other people but you sir you have taken it to a whole new level you are like some sort of mutant chameleon that we could not see you to become other things other entities thank you severe oh and your choice to have him in the majority of this film so that we can hear your beautiful instruments I just have to say thank you thank you for behalf of all the world for letting us be a part of this magical is very kind of me the slug Mel Blanc the man of a thousand voices the voice of all the Looney Tunes [ __ ] him he is [ __ ] compared to your know if I can find a way to get his body and put little upside down crosses on into a sure that he is rotting in hell because he even attempted to be the best when he knew that one point you would be bored to bring us this whiny voice is it insulting to make sure that he suffers are even trying to do something in the venue to dig up the corpse of Mel Blanc so that you could take your dick and shove it up his ass because that is how little of a candle he holds to you he holds to you and your brilliance for whitey Brooke hey praise a nice day an honor please stop saying oh okay you're scaring me and I gotta go thank you so whitey shows in the ropes as referee and also reveals that he's hoping to win the patch award the highest honor the town hands out but that won't help much as Davie big shock he's an [ __ ] to everybody foul on this kid for eating everything in sight jelly jugs next time you come on my court you better wear a bra okay you know how with the Grinch you kind of love to hate them well Adam Sandler movies are worse than cancer yeah I have no joke there it just feels [ __ ] good to say how much I hate Adam Sandler movies good to see you still got those circus beat man your children's 9:00 yeah really is incredible hearing these two completely different voices talk to each other isn't it it's about as impressive as Christopher Walken voicing all the characters I'm Popeye oh well let's say you and I have sex and stuff olive oil I also want to bang you oh dear well I got a thing for Elephant Man syndrome so I guess I'll choose you me okay well I'm gonna do this weird thing where I'm naked and then suddenly I'm not blue you just never know it was him the whole time so whitey feels a good way to get his attitude up is to take him to the mall so what's good about this place product placement no I'm not even kidding we love our sponsors do us like backdoor [ __ ] look at some of these body shop Iraq GNC RadioShack Bethlehem or a catapult Spencer's kids for some faith go boo sip battles don't think doughnuts too simply the best and don't forget the orange chicken and Panda Express oh my god baby I'm so sorry I mean I thought your product placement was the worst but after seeing this you're gonna be subtle I'm gonna suffer through the rest of this so what's the only thing worth and listening to Whitey's doornail in your brain please how about if he sings with that doornail in your brain voice [Music] and there were my eardrums I sure be sad but I'm just happy I don't to listen to Adam Sandler anymore now the great irony to hell obnoxious Whitey's voices that Sandler does another voice as Whitey's sister who lives with him and surprisingly is not that bad what could this be the character he interacts with I mean she's annoying but she's much less annoying and actually sounds like a different person at least why didn't they just go with her well maybe because she wouldn't be nearly as funny being be lessly shut down the port-a-potty and climbing out covered in poo no that's right this is a Happy Madison honors where something that they see come out then everyday is suddenly hilarious because it reminds them of something that was scandalous when they were 2 years old misunderstanding ball players names and standing positions oh no they have to think for that we don't want something smart here this is a Happy Madison audience oh no the crawling intelligence show another probe see show another protein look the dear smiley one probe it is tea now give them your money they work for seconds to think of this awe-inspiring it's feeding time who wants White Castle Snyder first now it's funny cuz they shouldn't live you know for a movie obviously trying to make Adam Sandler's character look like Adam Sandler I don't think that's what he looks like with his shirt off can we get visual confirmation on that there we go slight artistic liberties so of course they win and the guy eats a jockstrap so as Davey and Jennifer drive themselves home there actually is a nice song about how Jessica and Davey used to be young and well have a decent childhood over there's my family home [Applause] [Music] but yes whose voice constantly ruins it [Music] for my warm heart [ __ ] me Cali even golem with his annoying voice would be like trust battle you're chilling but jockstrap guy gets his revenge later by bringing down Davey's house ain't little of you buffoons you meet between freezing to death outside and listening to your voice let it snow let it snow let it snow here's the you guys for letting me crash let's see we've literally just gone three minutes how about another testicle stabbing sauce yeah I'm sure this is one of those songs that Sandler just couldn't fit under one of his albums so might as well waste about a dozen Korean animators on it oh my god that's so much better hi I can just look at the beautiful animation and not listen to dialogue from riders that were juggled as babies in fact I can just imagine my own story to make this one even better hey awesome Klaus what did you do today I made Christmas a whole lot more awesome this year really and how did you do that well I kick Ron Howard in the balls for making the Grinch shot at every greedy [ __ ] ass went shopping on Thanksgiving night and produced eight Hanukkah movies that were actually funny to people who can count past the number four Wow I think my balls just grew while talking to you it's all part of spending millions of dollars to animate something that actually makes an impact on somebody's life hi I'm awesome Klaus the only thing I can't work around is the [ __ ] a moment of silence for the happy medicine audience [Applause] [Music] you so here's a fun question what's even more pathetic than having your cast full of unfunny and unlikable characters having a serious death scene acted out by a cast of unfunny and unlikable characters yeah uh-huh they go that route they actually give Davy a backstory involving his parents dying in a car accident and of course this is the reason he's such a jerk to everyone yeah because the movie was shit-eating dear three-breasted women and an extreme close-up on harry white asses clearly you can segue so easily it's a heavy drama like this why don't you just have Chris Tucker deliver the bad news while you're at it oh my god your parents are dead one minute they find their bone gone they bloat up going to fiery inferno yeah eight Kentucky Fried parents crispy extra fried oh my god they gon go forever like me a rush hour boat it's something didn't make it cause jack is like a bajillion years old now he can still kick my ass oh my god your parents are dead basically shut down I don't know what to say there's nothing to say my parents are dead Happy Hanukkah ah yes and Elinor's Christ nor they makes the scene even more powerful Jesus [ __ ] what do they do for an encore read the Diary of Anne Frank this of course puts Davy in a bad mood again and causes him to rebel did you read anything about a deform referee who spends 35 years trying to win some stupid patch so he can pretend people actually like him they have an award for the freakiest looking for turtle twins who no one even gives a crap about you two are definitely winning and you're a ball oh good your house sucks and you know just as a testament to how [ __ ] bad this movie really is even with the backstory that his parents were killed when he was young they still make him too unlikable to sympathize with even the Grinch narrator would be like I'd give him the choice between the two of you I choose the hell no I'm going with the green guy or at least he didn't make jack until the odds movie washes Wow just when you started to really like Davi was that what we were supposed to be doing he goes and has a fun whole relapse well as you heard it put so eloquently he breaks into a mall going on another rampage whoa does this mean we possibly get even more product placements oh why don't we just have the private placements come to life and save the day everybody wake up this is not a rehearsal all right I got it oh hey critic where you going well the movies horde itself out to everybody might as well see what it's like how was it empty hollow not over nearly fast enough I could have told you that so thanks to the biggest cinematic corporate orgy since food fight Davi opens up and finally cries over the loss of his parents this doesn't mean much though as some cops bust him for breaking and entering save your sorries for the judge but thankfully Sally's super athletic body also has lightning-fast reflexes and he outwits the cups nothing takes down the double chin with the Jacob style abs both they find out at the banquet that night that whitey didn't win the petulant [Applause] [Music] oh what a shame he was such a nice guy too I mean this is the man who so selflessly left after his award he didn't win was announced this award was for humbleness right but it's okay because Devi has another annoying song to say except for that part where you said you weren't welcomed into his house anymore but why bring any part of brain activity into this movie now this inspires the crowd who we established a moment ago only has a few Jewish people in it the randomly do a Jewish dance [Music] if this world so everybody meets up with whitey at the mall they hand them the award and at the moment is so touching that even Davies hallucinations start crying seriously is he imagining that or what any chance we can end with the most annoying sound in the world thanks the credits start to roll and I'm blown out of my ass to discover that four people wrote this piece of [ __ ] four people oh [ __ ] do you think that process worked movies movies movies Hey people may die but stupidity is forever this is not only one of the worst holiday specials ever made this is one of the worst movies I've ever seen period I cannot believe how unfunny it is Santa's voice acting is probably the worst I've ever heard in my life and the movie couldn't even keep its mean-spirited tone in a strange way I could at least have a touch of respect if it was meant to be unlikable from beginning to end but no they fit in this emotional [ __ ] that they actually think is gonna make you feel that special holiday feeling seriously guys after the only holiday feeling I got from this is similar to when I puke from drinking too much eggnog and every time I see this incredible animation matched up with it it makes me want to punch those [ __ ] idiots that keep happy medicine popular when better talent could be utilized for better stories [ __ ] this movie and to all the Jewish people who are saddened that this is the only well-known Chanukah movie I apologize for all of you to make up for it here's a picture of Hitler roasting out of it and now here's one with that obses that one wasn't for you that was definitely for me I'm the Nostalgia Critic and I have just seen the absolute worst holiday special I have ever witnessed in my entire life [Music] [Music] Wow

Channel: Channel Awesome

Views: 2,239,352

Keywords: channel awesome, nostalgia critic, doug walker, movie, movies, film, Eight Crazy Nights (Award-Winning Work), Review (Media Genre), Hanukkah, movie review, film review, Adam Sandler (Celebrity), animation

Id: ZEjbUp6s4bI

Length: 27min 2sec (1622 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 14 2015

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

I like the Nostalgia Critic, but I wouldn't say he's underrated or not getting attention. He's met with lots of success.

[u/Riveoan5234]

If they removed all the Sandler stuff, this could have been a fantastic dramatic comedy.

[u/Emperor453]

It pains me that really talented animators worked on this film.

[u/Bai453]

Poor Jews. First the Holocaust, now this. What's next? Are they gonna get enslaved by some sort of Pharaoh in Egypt?