Effects of Going No Contact with a Narc | What to Expect When You Go No Contact with a Narcissist

hey everybody and welcome to my youtube channel I'm dr. angel storm I'm the founder of ashes to beauty ministries and today I'm talking to you about what you should expect or what you can prepare for when you go no contact with the narcissist so I have a bunch of videos that talk to you about how to prepare to go no contact why you should go no contact and things that you can be experiencing when you go no contact you know because there's gonna be a trauma bond and you probably will feel like you want to go back to what's comfortable even though what was comfortable for you was abuse and it can be difficult to learn something new like a healthy relationship and it can feel uncomfortable at times but today I want to talk to you about what to expect from the narcissist side of things so what can you expect when you go no contact or even if you set up boundaries maybe you have to have contact with a narcissist because you have children together or you run a business together or whatever there's other circumstances that make it impossible for you to have no contact with a narcissist and so now you're trying to establish boundaries you're trying to put limits on to how the narcissist can affect you and things like that and even when you start pushing back at all against what the narcissist is used to and also what they believe they are owed this could be a rough thing to navigate because you know they are going to push back very hard so if you don't know contact if once they realize that you have gone no contact because depending on what phase the abuse cycle that you were in the narcissist can go for months before he even realizes that you have gone no contact and so once they realize that they have gone oh that you have gone no contact one thing that you can expect is that there is going to be a fight so the narcissist is going to push back on that the narcissist views people as commodities so they view people as belonging to them they don't view people as having their own sovereign will their own and lives they view them as things that can be collected and owned and so for that reason it's like in the narcissists mind that you're trying to take away something that's already his that already belongs to him and for that reason there's going to be a large fight narcissists are excellent manipulators I've talked a lot about why you should never try to beat a narcissist at his own game because he's going to do it better than you they are they've got a lot more practice than you do and they're you're not going to win that way so one of the things that they are great at doing is having this insulated layer that protects them with their with their flying monkeys so these flying monkeys are people who do their bidding they defend the narcissists and insulate the narcissists from having to face any kind of consequences for their behaviors and they essentially do what the narcissist wants to do but instead of doing it their own selves it's easier when there's somebody else doing it so when there's somebody else doing it the narcissist can keep their hands clean and they can really point to say like I had nothing to do with that and this can further develop their facade for their next victim especially when they see so for example if you leave a narcissist and this starts happening to you where the flying monkeys are coming after you so whether this is in real life you know starting smear campaigns or whether this is online bullying and things like that you should expect to hear from somebody in the narcissists corner about why you're wrong about how could you do this about you know how this situation is all of your fault and again the narcissist does this so that they don't have to be involved you know they don't even need to even depending on the conditioning of the flying monkeys they may not even have to tell them to go do that they can just give their side of the story and the fly monkey just takes it and does whatever they feel is right with that information so again whether this is in-person confrontation that would be brought to you or whether it's online or whether it's starting like a smear campaign behind your back there's a lot of different ways that they can get to you or to try to damage your reputation through setting boundaries or through cutting contact with a narcissist and the narcissist again always has a supplies so this whole thing actually works to the narcissus advantage while this is going on he can be with the new supply showing this new person like you see how that how I'm not even doing anything and they're blaming me for it when so-and-so is the really the one who sent the message or who started that rumor or whatever and so again this this whole thing from the narcissist perspective really further aids him in creating this version of reality that not only not true but it looks real you know it has all of the trappings that make it look like what he's saying is the truth to the new supply which again furthers the reach that the narcissist is going to have so again I'm doing this video because I want you to be able to prepare for what's to come when you decide to cut ties with a narcissist or if you decide to put a boundaries with the narcissist you should expect some sort of extreme pushback and in fact even though you may have thought that you had seen a lot of unhealthy things that have happened between you and the narcissist when you were together or while you had a relationship when you decide to actually cut ties or set up boundaries that's when the actual version of the narcissist is going to come out so you haven't really seen anything until you've done no contact until you've set boundaries with the narcissist because again that is when the narcissist ego is going to be most threatened and they're going to feel the need to defend what's and so again you're going to experience a lot of lies even threats depending on the type of narcissus that you're dealing with and it's best to be prepared and that's ultimately why I'm doing this video is so that first of all you can you know steal yourself emotionally to expect these kinds of things and mentally so when this happens to you what is going to be your game plan you know do you have your affirmations that you have written down your declarations that you're gonna read over yourself and just remind yourself of Center and hold on to that do you have somebody lined up that you can call for advice or just a shoulder to lean on and have you already found yourself a therapist or gotten yourself a life coach like what is going to be your game plan when this happens because this it this will happen and again you might have gone no contact with a narcissist for a while even months and so you might have thought like that was easy I'm out I'm starting a new life I'm rebuilding myself I'm learning about Who I am and my likes and my identity and my purpose in life and things like that only to have three months down the road the narcissist comes back because he just now realizes that you've decided to go no contact or or that you've set up a boundary or whatever it is and so when that happens because you've already gotten into a new routine it can really pull the rug out of out from underneath you and really jar all of the work that you've already done over here in your new life and so what is the plan going to be so just because you haven't you got you went no contact with the narcissist for a few weeks and he didn't call you that doesn't mean that he's not going to that just means either hasn't realized that you've got no contact he has no use for you right now because he has a different supply that he's involved with or whatever or just isn't the right time for him it's not beneficial to him to call you right now but it doesn't mean that he's never going to and so having the plan in place of what you're going to do when these bullying attacks come again even threats come what is going to be your game plan having that put in place is going to not only ensure that you don't lose any of the gains that you may have been getting in this period of no contact with the narcissist or that you don't change your mind but that you also don't go back to falling into the same cycle so when he comes back he's going to try love-bombing techniques first you know because this is the cycle that the abuse follows and if that doesn't work you can immediately expect to be hit a lot with the flying monkeys the triangulation gaslighting manipulation lies sameer campaigns all of that kind of stuff that I was speaking about in the first part of this video is going to come out like full force and so it's really then that you're going to need to have that gameplan thought out ahead of time and again I've talked a lot about predetermined choices about how to make those how to determine what is a good predetermined choice for you for your life for right now for your future that is all lining up to make sure that you accomplish the goals that are ultimately most important to you and having those predetermined choices lined up can really take a lot of stress out of what to do now it's like you know that this is going to come here's how I'm going to handle it and having that set in place again takes a lot of the guesswork out of it when this does happen it takes a lot of the stress out from you from when that when this does happen so that you don't have to stress about what to say or how to act or what to do or you know you can have some time to really prepare yourself emotionally and mentally for what people are going to be saying about you for for the lines that are going to be thrown out there about you and you may be surprised about who would believe them to you know what if your own family boat starts believing the lies and takes the narcissist side and this whole thing what is your game plan for that what are you going to do then how are you going to handle that so having predetermined choices and mine can really help you navigate this really bad period of time so unfortunately it's gonna get worse before it gets better but the good news is that it will get better if you can stick to your initial resolve to stay stay no contact with the narcissist or to set up very firm boundaries with a narcissist it's going to get easier and easier to do so and unfortunately through this bad situation you know this unfortunate situation can actually bring about something super positive for you which is that you can learn how to set these boundaries with anybody now now you know how to set boundaries now you'll know how to stick to your true self how to protect what's yours how to keep the things that are not for you out of your life and how to really navigate relationships in a much more healthy way so while this period is gonna be very difficult you're gonna find out a lot about who your true friends are you're gonna find out a lot about health and about what it is that you're really looking for in a relationship of any kind like a friendship what you're looking for in another partner or whatever your case may be you're going to learn a lot if you are willing to grow while you are going through this very difficult period so keep that in mind if you are going no contact with the narcissist you should expect there's for it to get worse before it gets better and again it may not happen right away it may not be like I didn't call him for a day and so I guess we're just done No the narcissist has is very calculated he's on a schedule they work on cycles and so being aware again of what cycle you're in and his cycle or the narcissists cycle of how his that specific person's abuse cycle works is going to help you navigate that as well so if you know that if you've done this before with the narcissist where you've already been discarded maybe by the narcissist before and you know that it typically lasts 2 months 3 months 6 months whatever it is for you a week it doesn't matter and then you know that it goes right back into the love-bombing cycle again you can start really preparing yourself a week or two leading up to that time so that you have a plan in place you have people around you who can support you you already know what you're going to do and how you're going to handle that situation so I hope this really helps you kind of get a plan together to if you're thinking about going in contact with a narcissist if you are trying to establish boundaries I have a video and that I just did a couple weeks ago on how to set boundaries with a narcissist if you must maintain contact for whatever reason with a narcissist how to set boundaries that will work for you and will help protect your emotional and mental health as well so check that video out if you need more information or more tips on how to set boundaries with narcissists and if you haven't already be sure to subscribe to my channel below and turn on the little bell so that you're notified whenever I upload a new video to this channel [Music]

Channel: Angel J. Storm, Ph.D.

Views: 31,994

Keywords: when you go no contact on a narcissist, when you go no contact with a sociopath, when you go no contact after discard, no contact, narcissistic abuse, narcissist, narcissism, narcissistic, what narcissists do when you go no contact, going no contact with a narcissist, inside the mind of a narcissist, how to go no contact with a narcissist, narcissist no contact, what happens no contact, leaving the narcissist for good, what does a narcissist do when you go no contact

Id: PazHEaY8eF4

Length: 14min 11sec (851 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 21 2020