>>> THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE.
I CAN'T WRITE A SIX-PAGE ESSAY ABOUT THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR.
BUT IF I DON'T PASS THIS CLASS, I'M GOING TO GET KICKED OUT OF
SCHOOL. I WISH HISTORY WEREN'T SO
BORING. BORING. >> YO, WAKE UP, HOMEY.
>> WHAT THE -- >> WILL PERK OH PERCOCET?
HOW ARE YOU TALKING? YOU'RE A POSTER.
>> YOU DREAMING, BRAH. BUT, HEY, YOU ALSO TRIPPING
SAYING NO ONE CARES ABOUT HISTORY.
YO, YOU KNOW MY SONG, ATOMIC ASS.
BABY, PUT THE ASS ON ME, DROP IT . THAT'S A HISTORICAL REFERENCE,
BRAH. >> WHOA, MY FAVORITE RAPPER,
LIKE, CARES ABOUT HISTORY. >> AND SO DO YOUR FAVORITE
SUPERHEROES. >> BLACK PUMA AND JAGUAR.
YOU CARE ABOUT HISTORY? >> OH, YES.
HISTORY IS VERY IMPORTANT. >> AS I SAY IN OUR BLOCKBUSTER
MOVIE, TO KNOW THE PAST IS TO SEE THE FUTURE.
>> ARE YOU GUYS SAYING THAT LIKE HISTORY ACTUALLY MATTERS?
>> HELL YEAH. >> OH, CHRISSY KNOX.
YOU'RE ONE OF MAXIM MAGAZINES 50 HOTTEST GIRLS FROM RURAL AREAS.
YOU LIKE HISTORY AS WELL? >> YEAH.
>> AND SO DOES WME SUPERSTAR MAD DOG DUGAN.
MY WHOLE STORY LINE FOR WRESTLE FEST 17 CAME STRAIGHT FROM THE
ILIAD. >> WOW, SO HISTORY, LIKE,
INFLUENCES WRESTLING. >> AND MUSIC.
>> AND MOVIES. >> AND MY LONG FAT GARDEN HOSE
THAT I'M DRINKING FROM LIKE A DUMB, SILLY DOGGY.
>> HEY, CHRISSY, LESS ABOUT YOUR HOSE AND MORE ABOUT HISTORY.
THIS BOY MUST PASS HIS CLASS. >> YEAH, FOR REAL.
WHEN I READ ABOUT THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION, I GET SO BORED.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WRITE AN ESSAY I CARE NOTHING ABOUT?
>> IT'S ALL IN HOW YOU LOOK AT IT, BROTHER.
FOR INSTANCE WHEN MY FORMER TAG TEAM PARTNER, PETER PARTY HARDY,
BETRAYED ME AT SUPER SLAM NINE, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT
BENEDICT ARNOLD DID TO GEORGE WASHINGTON.
>> OR WHEN I WENT DOWN AND PICKED UP THIS WET, SQUEAKY
GARDEN HOSE AND DRANK FROM IT WITH MY DIRTY, THIRSTY MOUTH --
THAT'S MATH. >> YO, IT'S NOT MATH.
IT'S HISTORY. >> RIGHT.
AND HISTORY IS JUST YESTERDAY'S TOMORROW.
>> ISN'T THAT JUST TODAY? >> OH, HELL YEAH.
>> CHRISSY, NO MORE OF THIS. >> BROTHER, LET ME GO OVER
THERE, SLAP THIS FOOLISH GIRL. >> NO, NO, SISTER.
THAT IS NOT THE WAY OF THE PUMA. CHRISSY, DO NOT LEAD HIS MIND
DOWN THE PORNO PATH. DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING IN MIND
THAT CAN HELP THIS BOY PASS HIS CLASS?
>> LOOK AT MY DUMB OLD BELLY BUTTON.
>> YEAH, I LIKE IT. >> KNOCK THAT NOISE OFF, YO.
>> YOUNG MAN, JUST TAKE THAT POSTER DOWN.
YOU WILL NEVER LEARN WITH HER AROUND.
>> YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. SORRY, CHRISSY, BUT I NEED TO
FOCUS ON THIS PAPER. >> WHAT THE HELL?
YOU HAVE ANOTHER POSTER OF THIS MAXIM LADY?
>> OH, NO, THAT'S BRANDY KNOX, CHRISSY'S TWIN SISTER.
I DON'T LIKE HER AS MUCH. ANYWAY, WE GOT TO TALK ABOUT
THIS ESSAY. LIKE WHAT AM I GOING TO WRITE
ABOUT? >> ALL RIGHT.
SO CHECK IT, YO. YOU GOT TO FIND THE REASONS WHY
THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION HAPPENED.
YOU FEEL ME? YO, YOU HEARD MY SONG, BITCH NA
FEATURING DJ FAT ASS. IT'S LIKE THE COLONISTS WITH
BRITAIN. THE WAR WAS THEM SAYING, BITCH,
NAH, THAT ASS AIN'T WORTH THIS. >> OH, I GET IT BECAUSE
AMERICANS WANTED TO CONTROL THEIR OWN DESTINY.
>> HELL YEAH. >> PERFECT.
ANYWAY, THAT'S YOUR THESIS, BROHEIM.
>> WHAT'S A THESIS? >> THESIS.
THESE IS MY FAT GREASY BURGER, AND THESE IS MY HUGE, STUPID
BEER. THESIS.
>> SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR STUPID BURGER AND YOUR BEER.
WE ARE SO CLOSE. >> BOYS, LISTEN TO ME.
THE THESIS IS YOUR OPENING ARGUMENT.
>> OKAY. THAT'S LIKE ONE SENTENCE.
WHAT'S THE REST? >> OH, MY GOSH.
THE REST OF THE ESSAY IS PROVING YOUR THESIS.
THAT'S THE BODY. >> YEAH, MY BODY IS GOING TO
FEEL NASTY AFTER I SCARF THAT FAT, MUSHY, STINKY BURGER AND
WASH IT DOWN WITH THIS FROSTY DUMB ASS BEER.
>> STOP, Y'ALL. THIS KID'S GOING TO FAIL.
>> NOT A CHANCE. MY DAYS ARE GETTING ANSWERED IN
THE PAST. >> YO, I THINK YOU MEAN THOSE
DAYS ARE HISTORY. WELL, THANKS EVERYONE, NOW I'M
GOING TO WAKE UP AND WRITE AN A-PLUS HISTORY PAPER.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
