- [Man] I would never
cut my onions like this. - Or do uncooked onions! Who puts uncooked onions on something? - Exactly.
- No, you could put uncooked onions--
- A sociopath! - As you know I have some
serious culinary skills. (wailing) So today I'm hosting my
own food competition, where I prepare some really awesome meals for my friends to see if they can decide, did I cook the food or did the
supermarket prepare the food? Winner gets a huge prize. And let's thank Vitamix
for sponsoring this video. I'm gonna throw on my trusty,
dirty, unironed apron here. This is an apron of experience, folks. If you walk into a hospital
and you see a young doctor with a really clean white coat,
that means they're rookies. Anyway, I'm gonna be
preparing all of my meals with my trusty Vitamix A3500 12-cup food processor attachment. (dog barks) Oh, yeah, thanks Bear. With self-detect. Let's make some granola bars. Mixed nuts, 12-cup food processor with the multi-use blade. This is the multi-use blade. I got some Brazil nuts,
walnuts, pistachios, and almonds in there. - [Director] Ah-- - It's none of those things? (studio staff laughing) These aren't cashews? - [Woman] That's a cashew. - Brazil nuts, walnuts, almonds-- - [Woman] No walnuts. - What are these? They look like walnuts. Pecans, what are you doing trying to act like walnuts? By the way, this food processor attachment works with every Vitamix Ascent and venturous self-detect models. In a large bowl. This looks like a large bowl. Is this a large bowl? This is not a large bowl. Is this a large bowl? I'm gonna combine some chopped nuts. Two, three, four. The fact that this comes as
an attachment to this base is awesome because if I want
to just use the blender, I have the blender just
hanging out like this and I could put this away for easy storage while I use this to blend. Sesame seeds and coconut. Look at that. Look at that blending. See, I don't, I'm not
used to doing this kind of motion 'cause I don't
do this to my patients. Set aside. You've been cast aside. Vegetable oil. Pack brown sugar. Wow, that was kind of thick. Oh man, honey is so yummy to pour. I'm not supposed to do that. It's not a sterile field. Oh yeah. We did that. Tossing the granola bars. (upbeat music) They didn't teach you
that in culinary school. Oven time. Unsalted butter, corn syrup,
one cup of brown sugar. (drum rolling) Ooh, I think this is my
first time using this stove. (claxon blaring) Ooh, I have to title the granola bar. Dr. Mike's Granola. Mike's Tasty Bar. Bear, do you want some? I love that this paper says,
"Skill level, moderate." Master level chef here. (gasps) It's boiling. While that's cooling. That's okay. This is harder than it looks. I did not plan it being this hard. I need help. Punch the granola. Punch the granola. You guys think I box to protect myself, I box so I can granola bar. God I made such a mess. Before I add the other
ingredients I want to make sure the granola's fully granola'd. I probably should have washed
my hands before doing this. Now I'm stepping on the granola. I'm getting a pedicure at the same time. Cranberries. Shh. God. This is not a large enough bowl. No, no, how do I mix? Should I use maybe a bigger... It's a lot easier in the pot. Maybe 'cause most of
it's on the floor now. This is okay. It's still okay. (exclaiming) Oh yes. There's definitely a technique to this that I'm not utilizing. Ah, you gotta oil up your hands. Well, I got some massage oil. I probably can't use massage oil. I can use this oil though. Ow, granola's sharp. (upbeat music) Wow. What's the purpose of oiling my hands? Slam dunk! These are hands that have saved lives, and now they're pressing granola. Refrigerate for two hours. See if Pam and Cody can get to this. - I'm Pamela Rae Schuller. I am a comedian speaker
and advocate and dr. Mike's unofficial sidekick.
My name is Cody Reese. I am a comedian or comedy central, sometimes other places on the internet and I'm also kind of like
a food dude. I make food, eat food, write about food, make videos about food nickel resident at times I needed to have a
piece of granola to keep me going. - Wait you're a doctor? This never come up. - When you touch a food, what are you looking for? - Squishy factor. - True. Always the squishy faster at first. - What is the squishy factor?
Tell you a squishy factor. - It's hard to say. I mean,
that's the thing it's like, - Because if I did that as a doctor, I don't think that would
play off very well. - Even when you're touching,
someone's like belly and stuff, you're not like kind of squishy. Generally, That's not part of the chart. - I'm nervous about both of these. Which one did you think was good? - I'm not going to tell
you what do you like in a granola bar? - Energy. I think he needs a bag. - If you really want
to know what I'm doing, I'm looking at to see like
how many different things, and then I'm like, okay, did he like, did he buy a mix of like, oats that came with like weird
little Sesame seeds in it? I thought this was going to be easier, and I'll tell you what it's it's not. - Let's go with the one you
think is mine. One, two, three, Flip them! Oh! well we both got it. - Did I get it? Did you get it? I am slowly having more
faith in your cooking today. - And Pam only has half of
her taste buds. Is that true? - No! - Time to make a fresh green goddess. It is a salad dressing because
sometimes we want to have a healthy salad. One garlic clove pealed, fresh basil leaf, (Drum roll) baby kale, go in there. Baby. Dandelion greens. These
look like dandelion greens, half a cup of chives, one
whole lemon zested and juice. I zested this myself. One teaspoon of maple syrup
for that little sugary, sugary, goodness. Oh, I didn't zest it yet. I zested it now. Greek yogurt, full fat. Oh. Two tablespoon,
extra Virgin olive oil. I pour the olive oil already
because I wanted to see if you were on your toes. This
is the maple syrup, half a teaspoon of salt. Half of it went in half of it didn't because we don't need too
much sodium up in this house. In the back right here there's a little buttons
has pressed that's the quick release. It separates everything and
makes it really easy to pour. Oh. too much. Okay. Kind of want to taste it. Can I taste it? - Wow. - The product that I produce here is identical on both plates, minus the dressing. Lots of vitamins here. - Lots of vitamins, you say? - Lots of vitamins. - Are these both green goddess dressing? - Yes. - I'm going to need talking. - Why do you to just
call him green goddess? - Well, green goddess
is a classic dressing. It's like Mayo based a bunch of herbs. that's not what this is. - This one I liked
better. It tastes fresher. - I think I got this one,
but maybe you didn't too. Are you feeling confident
or how are you feeling? - No. I'm not confident at all. - Your confidence has
worked against you at this far. - My confidence has worked
against me my entire life. - Flip them over. - Wait, which one? - The one that you think is mine. Alright, flip them. Wow! - I thought it was the best, you could use a little bit of salt. - I'm trying to be moderate. - But salt's the key to food tasting. - I put zest in there. - What's zest? Were you like? - You like get the.. - That's the sound I made while I did it. - I thought he liked
them. He was like, yeah. - PB and J ball's peanuts,
salted raw almonds, oat, raisins. This is where the sugar
comes from six dates. I'm single now, so this makes sense. Let's make some balls. Rolling the balls. This one's too thick. Look, initially it looks like this, but then once my magical
hands are on it and I do this. Look at that ball. How do you feel about that? That's it? You don't even chew it? You're sliding away buddy. These are special balls, - Right? - That I have prepared for you. - Give us something. - I cannot give you any, - You can't tell. - Smell it, put it in your mouth, touch it to your forehead. - Why don't you tell me how you made it? - With TLC. Do you prefer the moist or dry? - I'm not answering that. - Easy money. - Let's see. - I'll tell you what I think
after we flipped the boards. - Oh my God. I've got something to say. - Pick the store bowl three, two, one. Now flip it to yourselves. - I think the one that I ate is, - You ate the ball. - I think it's run. It's horrible. I didn't know that there was
an option that we'd be getting a horrible store box. (Laughing) - Onto the Turkey burger. Two turkey breasts cut into large chunks. That sounded moist. Bam, onion. A third little cup of mayonaise. Pop. Quarter cup of ketchup, one
third cup of breadcrumbs. Three tablespoon of
Turkey burgers seasoning. Mmm. Season it. When good burgers go back. Is that the proper consistency
for a Turkey burger? A pancake? Bad Turkey. Bad, bad, bad. Ooh, it's a good patty. Ooh. That's juicy. Don't know why I keep
making that noise. Ooh. I went upside down. Look at that. And then they get a little
design for the restaurant. Oh wait, what do I do with this? Yeah. Massage it on, so it's evenly spread and
then press it. There you go. Are you firmly planted on thy stools? - Yeah. I feel pretty firm. - I don't know how firm I
am, but I feel okay about it. - A burger made out of the bird known as turkey. How did you know? - Well, you can tell by the color. - And you may notice, to your right, on the table is a food processor
attachment for the Vitamix, A 3,500 blender. That is your price. - Whoa! - Shall you win this competition? - I want it. - The loser has to wash it. - Oh damn. I actually don't have any hands. Right? Look at the bottom, this button is like not super fun to eat. This one's probably more fun
because it's squishy and soft. I would never cut my onions. - Or do uncooked onions.
Who puts uncooked onions on something? - Exactly. - A sociopath. - Maybe you bought this from a
really derpy place where they - You don't know. - If he's feeding us derpy food. - What's a derp? - Well, what's a derp? - I like the button on this one better. I like the sauce on this one better. This one is more manageable
where I can take a bite of it. - It sounds like a size issue. - I'm keeping it classy tonight. Okay. Ready? The one that I think
Mike made one, two, three, - Hey! - Time to make a little Basil
pesto sauce for my pasta here. Let's start with the Polish on cubes. Bam. What'd you know about them? Pine nuts. Garlic clove. Bear, be quiet. Basil. Ooh, olive oil, and time to put the pasta. Just kidding. We need it to process for
one minute and 30 seconds. During which time I will
show you my band skills. Quick release! Look at that. You spread it nice and even. and then you taste it. I'm a chef. Both of these, are from the store. Both of these are mine. It's anybody's game. - Wow they look almost identical. - So this is where it's
going to get tricky folks. There's an envelope, - I have put all of the
noodles in the envelope? There's no way! - You have to mail them
to the right address - With the post office?
The way it is today? - Cody you have three points. Pam, you have four points. For the final round, you have to wager. - No! - 10 seconds. - Start it over again. - Five seconds. - Oh my god, Mike! - And we'll collect these. The pastas are both from
the store that I made, but then the sauce, - The sauce is what we're testing. Use your noses, use your
eyes, use your faces, use your ears. Get a sense
of what it's telling you. It's a pesto sauce, pesto sauce. Okay. Which one do you
think tastes better? - I don't know. - Which one tastes better to eat? - What else can you do? - Until I look at it, it makes everything much clearer. - He's like taking apart the noodles. I didn't make the noodle guy - I know you make the noodle guy. I will say it's remarkably similar.
They're both honestly just okay. - Really? - They both need salt. - I've never purchased pesto. Not entirely sure what pesto is. - Can either of you tell me
what kind of pasta this is? (Mumbling) - Wow. I thought I
brought on two food chefs. - Food chefs. Food chefs, unite. I thought you do was food chefs. - You're only allowed to
guess on one plate, Pam, you wagered how much? - Four. - You wagered? - Two. - So Pam is correct. She will have a total of
eight points. If she's wrong, she'll have a total of zero, right? If you guess correctly, you will have a total of five points. If you guess incorrectly, you
have a total of two points. - Exactly. If I thought this one was dr. Mike, and now I'm holding
it up here and I don't know, you guys are seeing something
that I'm not saying. - Flip it. - If it says store, then I win. Oh! he got his correct. - And so did the, - Well, wait a second. How many points does that make for Cody? Five points. - Whatever. - Pamela Ray Shculler, hold up your sign to the audience. What do you think it is? - NO! - Flip your other scoreboard. - Oh! No! - Fine Freak. We should have looked
at each others'. Tough. - Well, I couldn't. - What happened with my pasta? I think we've all learned a lot today. That's my personal opinion.
People might disagree. - What are you going to
do with your new Vitamix Eight 3,500 bucks? - I'm gonna go make tortilla soup! - As a happy medium, can I just continue
coming here to get fed? - Yes. That seems fair. If you'd like to get one of
your own Vitamix food processor attachments, and an
ascent or venturous base, go on vitamix.com to get yours now. Where can we follow your
comedic and food journeys? - You can follow me on YouTube and all other social medias at Cody Reese, but be
careful, some funny stuff. - You can follow me at pamelacomedy. - Huge thanks to Vitamix
for sponsoring this video and as always stay happy. - And can you send me one? - No. Clean it. - I want one. - Clean it. - [Mike] What's that smell? - Honestly, kind of like you. - Oh, are you saying, - Is it weird when I make
eye contact with the camera?
