- Doctor Mike, his shirt buttons (laughs) (slow funky music) Recently I've been getting a lotta hate. So I decided to prescribe a healthy dose of Medical Meme Review 8. It'll be great, mate. (squeals) Fill your cup day at 7-Eleven (laughs) Oh that's so gross. This is what patients
who have a male genitalia use to urinate in when
they're in the hospital. If you're gonna be using
those to fill your cup up on 7-Eleven day, make
sure that those are fresh 'cause otherwise, ammonia. Me, my back hurts, I wonder why. My sleeping position. First of all, I don't
know who this golfer is but oh my God what is he doing? That could be the most awkward, I feel like this is Photoshopped. This can't be normal. But yeah, a lot of times my
patients wake up with pain that they didn't have the day before. A lot of times it's because they're sleeping on
too soft of a mattress, too firm of a mattress, the
wrong amount of pillows. There's a lot of things that play a role in how you feel when you
wake up in the morning. When I tell my therapist
about my childhood (laughs) That's a lot of damage. I'm only laughing because of this gentleman's
expression here, but yeah. In order to comply with
privacy regulations we are not allowed to
call our patients by name. Will the lady with the itchy
vagina please come (laughs) I don't even know what
joke to make about that 'cause it's just so funny on it's own. I'm just gonna leave it out there for you. Think about it, laugh about it, together. Wait, what are you doing? The virus database has updated. Not that far from reality. When we give a child a vaccine, we're allowing the
child's own immune system to better prepare for
when that virus comes to attack them in real life. That's what the whole point
of giving a vaccine is. I'm not gonna lie. I've had babies look at me like this when I gave immunizations. I mean, their eyes don't
light up, but they look at me like they're offended. Like I disrespected them. I grew up in Brooklyn. I know what disrespect eyes look like. My question is, why do
one and two year olds know about that? It's like (snarls) why do you
use such a big gauge needle? And I'm like, yo chill B. I say B, because it's a baby. A spider just tried to
crawl across my hand and now I'm Googling how to extract a fork from bone (laughs) without causing more damage. (sighs) All right P, my Audi TTS. Ah I think it was a 2010. OH, it was such a nice car. I was driving my beautiful,
brand-new, red Audi TTS and a spider falls upon
my cupholder, scares me, I smoosh it, I crash my car. I don't wanna tell you the whole story 'cause it's even more
embarrassing than that, but I'm gonna be telling this Audi story in one of my upcoming videos. Did you know? Left handed people have a higher chance of finishing their exam on time than people who died from not
being (laughs) vaccinated. Do you wanna know a fun fact
about left-handed people? They suffer from more workplace injuries, because most tools are designed
for right-handed people. Bet you didn't know that one. When you are an adult and now you have to go to the doctor alone. Aw Squidward. Actually I recommend to my patients, always bring a loved one because when you're hearing
news, bad news, good news, whatever it is and
there's details involved, sometimes it's easy to
forget those details if you don't write them down especially. But if you have a second
person there with you, not only can they also ask questions, which you probably have similar questions and you forget to ask, but they'll also be able to recount some of those details with you
when you guys go home later. SpongeBob, my immune system
the first time I get a virus. My immune system the second
time I get the same virus. See, SpongeBob got diesel 'cause your body builds up antibodies. It's like, look, we've
seen this once before. We already know how to fight it. Let loose the warriors
aka diesel SpongeBob and we get better. I just think you misunderstand
me and my shirt buttons. I think my shirts fit me just fine. They're made for my body. A lotta people jump to the assumption that they're very fancy. They're not. They're actually very reasonably
priced around 40, 50 bucks. When I sit cross-legged, that
puts like an awkward hump into my back slash lower pelvis area. That puts a lot of strain
on the lower buttons. So yes, they do sweat. They definitely earn their money. What would buttons wanna earn? Not money. String? Whatever, they earn. They're stressed out, but they're earning. Tobacco industry, you
want a nicotine addiction and lung cancer? Teens, no wtf. Tobacco industry, it's
mango flavored though. Teens, ooh. I cannot believe how our
society is slowly being addicted to the thing that we've spent decades on addicting them from. I know that makes no sense, but let me throw some statistics at you. In 2000, the smoking rate
for teenagers was about 20%. In 2017, it drops to 5%. That's a huge decrease, but guess what? Now it's being replaced by teens vaping, 30% of high school teens admit
that they vape at some point. That's crazy. That's nicotine. It affects your frontal cortex, the decision making part of your brain. You're now allowing it to
learn the habit of addiction to a substance that's not
healthy for you, like nicotine, in addition to all the
other harmful chemicals that we find in these vape pens. And I know wanna jump
in say risk reduction. It's better than smoking. Well teens weren't smoking before and now we're giving them vape pens and they're vaping like crazy. That's not risk reduction anymore. Maybe we could talk about
risk reduction for adults, but the problem here is in teens. We gotta talk about teens. Did I get too angry on that? Chest compressions are useless and it's better to wait for
medical professionals to help. (laughs) I'm about to get very unhappy, you're about to get
very unhealthy (laughs) Chest compressions, chest
compressions, chest compressions. They save lives baby boo. And you'd best believe,
that merch is incoming. That contract is about to be signed. Want to have all that mm, mm, DM. Sorry not here, DM. Chest compressions, yeah. The only essential oil I
trust is (laughs) WD-40. That is essential and it is an oil. God, I hope it's an oil. I know it's a lubricant. I'm not even certain that it's an oil. Friend, what did your wife do
just before she had the baby? Me, she went (beep) and
then a bit of poo came out. Friend, I meant work wise. Oh, book keeping (laughs) I've delivered babies. I think during my residency I was up to like 30 something deliveries. Pooping is normal. It's part of the process. Don't panic, we wipe it away, we move on, we forget about it. 'cause there's a lot of
pushing that happens. There's a lot of pain that happens, but the most important thing
is making sure mom is healthy and the baby comes out well. Everything else, just a little poop that you can get wiped up. When the doctor's office
forgets to ask for your co-pay (laughs) Wait is this guy from an
infomercial that I don't know? 'cause he looks kinda rad. I like his sweater. I think his sweater says CCCP, which in Russian means USSR I think. Not quite sure. What's interesting to me, is I see people go into
the vet and they're like, okay it's like $1,000
to give your dog an ID. Anything for my dog, here's
$1,000 cash no problem, I'm gonna go bankrupt,
no worries, but fix Fido. And then they need to go
in to see me for a physical and they need to pay $15. It's a whole big argument. Why do I need to pay $15. I don't understand. This $15 is ridiculous. It's $15 dollars and
we're gonna be preventing a lot of problems down the line that are gonna cost a lot more than $15. Think of that $15 as an
investment in your health and your wallet. Your baby is sick as (beeps) He definitely needs a shot. Cheers. (beeps) sick as (beeps) (laughs) Why does the doctor have no arms? Why do we have an armless doctor? And then suddenly develops
an arm to take a shot. That's my biggest concern
in this whole thing. Me, spent eight hours
per day on the internet. Eyesight, gets worse. Me, (laughs) My vision has gotten worse and when I went to see my ophthalmologist the thing that he told me is I've been staring at screens
and text books for too long, probably not text books, 'cause I did everything on the computer, but he says when you're
close to the screen, your eye muscles strain so much it actually makes your
vision worse over time. So he recommended that
when I look at screens I keep 'em further away from me. That will help my eye muscles relax some. I've been doing it. Haven't seen much of a result, but I feel like I'm on my way
to contacts or maybe LAYSIK. That could be my future too. Would you guys wanna see
me get surgery on my eyes? Childhood injuries, fell off
my bike, fell out of a tree, twisted my ankle. Adult injuries, slept
wrong, sat down too long, sneezed too hard. Well it's funny 'cause childhood injuries, mainly acute problems. As you get older, chronic problems. You've been alive for many years and if you do repetitive activities, sometimes it can wear you down especially if you do unhealthy
repetitive activities like sitting. Sitting is generally unhealthy when you do it for 13,
14 hours of the day, which many of us do. Doc, so are you saying
I should touch myself whenever I feel like it? No Jeff, I said you could
have a stroke at any time. I don't get the joke. Doc, are you saying I should touch myself whenever I feel like it? No Jeff, I said you could
have a stroke at any time. Reminds me of, das a neat. A stroke, not that kind of
stroke, talking about a stroke, like a paddle stroke but the other stroke If you didn't get it by
now, you're not gonna get it so just move onto the next meme. I know you don't have a choice 'cause I control the
video, but either way, just wait until for me,
to finish this monologue and then the next meme will start and then we can continue
on with the joke, okay? I'll see you on the next meme. 90 year old vaccinated person dies. Anti-vaxxeres, it's those damn vaccines. Anti-vaxxers, what are you doing? Just, for what? (speaks foreign language) If you haven't seen, I've recently got into
a fight with a plant. Check out this amazing fan art that someone sent me on Instagram. This is so good, it made
me and my co-workers laugh for a while. If you haven't seen me get
into a fight with this plant, click here and watch this video. As always, stay happy and healthy. (funky jazz music)
this is one of the best ones yet!!
brb making 100 YouTube accounts just to boost the view count
Why ?? .. a trend
This was such a funny one.