- What's the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? Oh, he said the taste! (warm electronic music) Someone wise once said, life
is better when you're laughing. So let's jump right in, memes
V six, no, six, bee-woop! I have such an embarrassing
story about this. The other day I was feeling a little warm and because my nurses are the ones generally doing the vitals
including the temperature I casually grabbed it off the
wall without even thinking and I was so close putting
the probe in my mouth. It had a probe cover, but still. And I'm about to put
it and one of my nurses grabs my hand, she's like,
"What are you doing?" And I'm like, "What's the big deal? "I'm just checking my temperature." She's like, "That's the rectal one." I almost tasted E. Coli. Playing with my stethoscope
when I'm bored like. (upbeat instrumental music)
Oh, hey bear. (stick clatters on ground) Honestly, I do do that. I've hit myself in the face. And while the majority of
the stethoscope is rubbery and soft, the end of it,
the bell is really dense. I've hit myself in the head, ouch. Police medic, he will beat you to health with his magic wellness-stick. This is how you get healthy. It actually reminds me of like cupping. You know, people walk out
with all those bruises on their bodies and they're
like, oh, I feel so great. I'm like, did someone beat you? Explaining having an MRI to your patient. - Loud noises! - (laughs) Honestly, if
you've been in an MRI it's like LIV on Saturday
during Ultra Miami music week. (mimics electronic dance music) That's just the magnets,
they're making noises so that we can visualize
soft tissue inside your body. Worst doctor ever, the stethoscope
isn't even in his ears. Okay, the only way I'm showing you this, we're blurring that,
but just so you can get what the logo is but
you can't quite read it. Kid, when I grow up I wanna be a doctor. Doc, I'm afraid with your
condition that won't be possible. Mom, is he sick? No, he's just a. (laughs) Oh, these are messed up. The last time I was someone's
type, I was donating blood. Aww, the dating struggle is real. Oh, is that Thanos with
the apple on his head and a doctor's just melting. I tried to watch whatever
the last Avengers movie that's on Netflix, I
can't keep up with them. There's so many of them. Someone needs to give me a summary or give me like a YouTube
summation video to watch 'cause I don't even know what's going on, but I know that this dude has mad stones and the apple so the doctor's melting. Can you spot the dermatologist? That's so good, ah. People think sunblock is the best way to protect yourself from the sun. No, covering up is the best way. Then if you cannot do
that, you throw on sunblock and you make sure to get
the highest SPF possible even though SPF above 35, 40
doesn't really do much more if you apply it perfectly,
which most of us do not. So buy that SPF 75 and
spend a few more dollars. I know you got the money,
you have an iPhone, you're watching YouTube. You're thinking about
getting YouTube Premium. I know what you're doing, you got HBO, you watch Game of Thrones, get sunblock. Actual footage of me
trying to pass my courses. (laughs) What is that, is that a salamander? Give it to me straight, Doc. You, no wait, give it to me gay. (snaps fingers) Girl bye, you're dying. Don't play dirty unless it's mnemonics, then be as filthy as possible. The hypothalamus plays a
major role in the regulation of basic biological drives
related to survival, including the so-called four Fs, fighting, fleeing, feeding,
and mating. (laughs) The mating should be something else. It rhymes with puck, luck, shuck. I got some filthy mnemonics. Oh, shy lovers try positions
that they can't handle. Do you know what that is? Comment down below so people
can get on the same page as you and notice that I did it on my hand. Maybe that's a clue. Old man, you shouldn't give
me that, it's too beautiful. Girl, that's okay, the nurse said I'll get it back in a week, oh. Tell me a sentence you could both say during sex and in the OR. Hand me the lube. (laughs) Pull it harder. Oh, I was gonna say, these are too loose talking about sutures. Great, now you're not
even sterile. (laughs) 'Mergency, in 'Merica when you get sick, you go to the 'mergency room. Dating a doctor, I had
a great time tonight and I'd like to see you
again in four to six weeks. You know, a strategy that
I've learned from my friends in the past that works
very well for dating is to not overcommit time-wise, much like you do in a doctor's office. Like, you set the patient's
visit to 15 minutes or 30 minutes, set your initial
visit, date, with somebody for just a coffee, and
if the coffee goes well then you go parlay it into a dinner. And if that goes well you go
parlay it to Netflix and chill. But if you right away say,
come over Netflix and chill, now you're committed for
a long period of time. So commit to the coffee, see if it works, give it some time, let it
marinate, enjoy the date. If it goes well and
you're married, hit me up, maybe I'll come speak at your wedding. Boss, why should we hire you
as a reverse psychologist? You shouldn't, (chuckles) I like that. When a patient asks me if their Botox and fillers are covered by
insurance for their wrinkles. (laughs) That's so good. There's a lot of things
patients come in for that they expect their
health insurance to pay, and their health insurance
is like, no, no, no. That's just for your appearance sake. Vampires suck your blood for vitamin D because they can't go out
in the sun themselves. You ever think about that? No, you only think about yourself. You know, that's not bad, that's not bad. But then why don't they
just take a supplement? Unagi. What should we call this
monthly cycle of women, what? Women, what about womenstration? Men, I have a better idea. It comes from menses,
which I think is Latin for monthly or month
or something like that. I'm not a Latin professional professor. Menses, nothing to do
with men, month, monthly, every 28 days, a cycle. Me preparing to hold a retractor in the same position for
the next eight hours. Okay, for those of you who don't know, when you're a medical student
there's very limited things you can do to help out a
doctor in the operating room. One of the most important
being, is making sure they have a good field of view, right, 'cause if they're operating
they need to make sure nothing is in the way,
but as you can imagine the human body has all
these nooks and crannies, it's sometimes difficult
to get access to an area. So they have you hold this medical device that wraps around the
flesh of the human body and you're just holding it
with all of your strength. Oh my God, I've had my
muscles cramp so hard in the middle of these procedures where I had to excuse myself from the room and ask to get switched off
of holding the retractors 'cause it's hard, you gotta
stay in the same position. It's an isometric contraction,
all my body's doing is sending is sending
signals to the muscles, let go, let go, let go. This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney
stone, but it will pass. I've passed a kidney stone. It hurts so much, there's
blood, there's pain, tears. You like vegetables? Not really, why? Then you're gonna hate your wife. (laughs) Oh my God! Doctor, you need to stop masturbating. Patient, why? Doctor, because I'm trying
to vaccinate you. (laughs) And I don't know what kind of
vaccine this doctor's giving. It looks like it's just a
needle with no syringe, shady? I made a playlist of my three
funniest videos this year. Click and enjoy, stay happy and healthy. (upbeat instrumental music)
