Marriage Advice from a Divorce Lawyer | Divorce Stories Ep 13

[Music] hello everybody and welcome back again to divorce stories we're at episode number 13 and i'm your host divorce attorney dennis vetrano so today we're going to tackle a topic you know i i'm not sure how people feel about this but i have to be honest with you i have a wealth of information on this topic so i hope you guys enjoy it these are my 10 best pieces of marriage advice from a divorce attorney let's get right into it let's start with number one uh i think it starts with choosing the right partner so if you've ever heard that advice choose with your head not with your heart and here's where that comes from take a look at what the leading causes for divorce are stuff like religion child rearing money education so when you choose somebody to partner up with or somebody you want to have a long-term relationship and maybe eventually possibly marry pick someone where you you have a meeting of the minds you share um views on philosophical issues large issues similar education religion jives on what you want out of life money education those sorts of things so again always choose with your head not with your heart first number two understand that you are accepting this person just as they are and hoping they accept you just as you are you can't go into a relationship thinking you're gonna change people and bear in mind you're not perfect and neither are they they may be interested in some different things and that's okay you're not always going to be happy with the things that they do but you always need to be happy with who they are and bear in mind what makes relationships great are the differences so understand they're not going to be perfect you're gonna have some differences and you're not perfect either and number three if it can be broken it can be fixed marriages are work there's kids houses jobs money you're always to have to work on a multiplicity of issues you're going to have to deal with things like working on your communication working on your sexual relationship intimacy trust connection mutual respect and consideration you'll need to work on these all the time and there are times where things will be broken but you can always fix them and it's going to take work support commitment and sometimes even professional help so think about something like intimacy so if you think your intimacy and your relationship is broken how do you fix that well you can work on things like just even a passing glance a hug a kiss each and every day and it may seem like work and that sounds kind of silly but it's something you need to make a commitment to embrace and pursue and make sure you fix that number four be engaged be present be totally committed to your family and your kids your wife and your husband establish time for only family time no phone no checking out during dinner or family time be present figuratively and literally what i mean by that is be involved in the extracurricular activities after school activities religion vacation all of those sorts of things if your kids are engaged in something like riding horses or they decide they like to ride bikes go to the horseback riding lessons with them get a bike yourself if they like to sing you sing too and it doesn't matter how terrible you are at it make sure you're engaged again and by that i mean figuratively and literally number five sometimes it's more about what you don't say be in tune with your spouse and try to put yourself in their shoes not just in the words that you use but in perception try to figure out when you're addressing them try to gauge what's their perception and that can be hard if you suspect or even know that sometimes something you're going to say is going to be a trigger that's going to be insulting to them or it's going to upset them why say it you have to ask yourself why am i telling this person this does it have a useful purpose and if you don't if it's not something that has a useful purpose don't say it keep it to yourself and secretly hope that they do the same for you and number six you can only change yourself do the things you know you need to do to treat your husband or wife well see how they react when you stop seeking to change them or your relationship just change you and your person and the things that you do and you say it's not a score card you can't look at it like well if i do x for them they need to do y for me again you have to work on the things you can do it's no winner lose just gradual improvement in your connection with your spouse number seven life is all about balance and when i say balance you want to work on that perfect balance between your independent life and your married life you want to make sure that you have your own career your own money you chase your own dreams you have your own friends and interests and support system and family and obviously counter balance that with improvement and doing all the things you can to make your marital relationship as strong as possible number eight certain tasks should never be delegated money kids house can you trade doing the lawn for doing the dishes or taking care of the laundry of course you can but bear in mind on the major topics if you're the only person working and they're the only person taking care of the kids you're giving away things you're giving away topics that the two of you can relate to each other on so if you don't know anything about what it's like to go out and work and pay the bills you can't share that with your spouse similarly if they know nothing about what it's like to care for the kids each and every day it's another topic that you just can't relate to each other on and what that will lead to if you have more topics to relate upon you'll be speaking the same language you'll be saying the same things on the big issues in life number nine say what you mean and mean what you say let your spouse know what your likes and dislikes are let them know what makes you happy share dreams and fears and hopes be open frank and honest with your spouse about everything from parenting to money to child rearing religion sex everything don't let that first conversation where you're going to be brutally honest with your spouse be the one where you say you want a divorce don't wait for that be open and honest now and number 10 don't be afraid to say no to everyone else but your spouse say no to your boss say no to your kids say no to your in-laws say no to your co-workers you and your spouse's relationship needs to be put first sometimes and in fact a lot of the times it does so don't be afraid to say i'm not going to that family gathering or say you know we're not doing chuck e cheese tonight or i'm not working overtime we need to regularly put ourselves and our relationships in a strong marriage first so there you have it a bit of a fringe topic the best advice i can give you coming from a divorce lawyer who's been handling divorces and dealing with broken relationships and broken marriages for over 20 years i hope this helps and again bear in mind this is not an all-inclusive list this is something that you can work on together and you'll find some of these topics are relatable for you and others you might reach out to additional expertise to make sure that you're working on your relationship you're creating that balance you're living your best independent life and you're doing everything you can now before you're mired in a divorce to make sure that you have the strongest marital relationship that's possible and i think what we can walk away from this from above all else is and and this really comes from a a wedding that i just attended this past weekend where the rabbi said you know what anything that's broken can be fixed so thank you everybody for tuning in to episode number 13. that's the best advice i can give you about marriage if you have a question you'd like to hear us answer on the podcast don't hesitate to send it to divorce stories podcast gmail.com and look if you're working through your relationships and even if you're not mired in a divorce and you just want a referral to a good marriage counselor locally or otherwise don't hesitate to reach out to us at drvitranolaw.com law.com thanks again for tuning in we'll see you again next time

Channel: The Law Office of Dennis R. Vetrano

Views: 25,439

Keywords: hudson valley divorce, hudson valley family law firm, beacon ny family law, beacon divorce, beacon ny attorney, hudson valley lawyer, hudson valley attorney

Id: Yg1rCW8wuwA

Length: 9min 1sec (541 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 24 2020