Divesting from the "natural hair community" was GREAT for me tbh. | Ti Talks (and Detangles)

cute story leaving the natural hair community is actually the thing that allowed me to love my natural hair like proper love it what is up my family it's your girl t aka the nappy headed jojoba not nappy not jojoba nappy headed jojoba you have to say the whole thing it's like a pimp named slickback this t-talk topic was chosen by my patrons so thank you to everyone who voted in the poll over on my patreon it was only a two percent differential between this and the runner-up topic but a win is a win and unlike united states electoral politics the polls over on my patreon are a functioning democracy as some of you guys already know i chose nappy headed jojoba as my channel name because this began as a hair channel plus it's really great for seo like if you search nappy headed jojoba you gonna get me and to that end i'm actually about to detangle and prep my hair for wash day i've got my pre poo aka pre shampoo treatment mix up so i am going to get my hair together while i talk to y'all but before i do that i'm going to take off my rings and my nail polish so i don't have nail polish snagging my hair when i'm detangling it in a minute i've done get ready with me before this is actually going to be a i guess detangle and section with me all right so this used to be a hair channel exclusively again i'm taking off nail polish i'm going to be looking down a bit anyway this used to be a hair channel exclusively there's probably a good number of you guys who are surprised to hear that because i almost never do hair content any longer um but it's just not worth it and that's really what we're talking about today and there are a few reasons for this the first of which is that it started getting very boring for me i mean how many times can i show y'all how i trim my ends really but the real lack of fulfillment that came over time with doing only hair videos wasn't just a lack of creative fulfillment the the natural hair community not a great place definitely not a place where i want to be spending my time or better put my efforts i don't think it was always like this maybe it was maybe it wasn't but as time wore on the whole movement of women going natural turned out to be not as progressive as i had imagined it was going to be when it really came down to it i found that even as afro textured hair was gaining more visibility on tv in movies and obviously on youtube it was a very particular aesthetic a very narrow view of what type of natural hair people wanted to show and more importantly that people wanted to see i'll never forget when i really start to see the writing on the wall and i can't even remember whose channel it was or anything so i'm not putting anyone on blast here but it was some basic twist out video not the girl but like the twist out itself it was a basic twist out and it kept coming up in my recommended videos like five six years ago and i could see it already had like two million views and in fact that was the only reason i ever even clicked i was just like uh what how what is so special about this twist up video that it has 2 million views and believe me after clicking through and actually watching this thing when i say this video was nothing special i mean it again this was like five years ago so well into pretty much everyone in these youtube streets with even a tacit interest in natural hair at this point everyone knows what a twist out is and how to do it but somehow this video on a freaking basic twist out has two million views not sharing anything new nothing innovative nothing groundbreaking okay nail polish is off um even more curious i remember looking to see okay maybe she's just some huge hair to you youtuber who i've somehow never encountered before which i mean i used to watch a lot of hair content at that time so even that would have been far-fetched i had to run to the bathroom to get my spray water bottle because i forgot i needed it so i have scooted you guys in a bit closer so anyway here we are with this video it's got like two million views this girl has like i remember she had like one maybe one other video at that time and somehow she's gone viral off of a twist out we have all seen 50 11 billion times before and that moment is what crystallized something that i've been seeing and clocking for quite a while by that point this video and this youtuber went viral not because she was showing some revolutionary technique or because so many more black women had hair like hers versus nappy hair like mine no ma'am in my opinion she went viral because there are so many black women who wish they had hairs like hers and not hair like mine it became clear to me that even though a lot if not most other black women have the same kinky curls not popping not defined not plumping together more coily than curly hair that i have this hair that is decidedly not what we see on the women in the ads for the products that they're trying to sell to us even though this so-called 4c hair is everywhere i've ever looked in black families in black salons barber shops people out here are still very much trying to hide it and run away from it you know what y'all the uh bardot top is not the move it's just like creeping up on my shoulders every time i reach in my hair so i'm gonna change my shirt too see getting into the the detangling process or really doing anything with my hair process it's a whole rigmarole and yet people want to say natural hair is unprofessional as i was saying to me it just seemed that the vast majority of people are more interested in seeing the hair they wish they had rather than learning to care for the hair they actually have colorism walked so texturism could run and this pursuit of an aesthetic that is farther away from blackness in the hair textures that are praised and paraded under a farce of inclusivity remains incomplete we're still not quite there yet yes we have progressed from only seeing black women rocking straight and relaxed hair but it's pretty rare that i actually see women with hair like mine unless i'm out in the real world almost never do i see it being praised and paraded not in ads not on tv not in movies not on youtube after all we saw what happened last year with that h m ad with that little girl right i did a whole video on that and i'll link it here in case you don't know what i'm talking about and even when it comes to added hair with weave you know wigs whatever it is the same i love a good hair hat to switch up my look or even just give myself the day off from styling but it is hella rough trying to find weave that actually matches or resembles my hair just because i want to put my hair away doesn't mean that the hair that i'm putting on top shouldn't resemble my hair at all sometimes i want it to look like my hair while saving me the tangling and dryness that might come with rocking my natural hair out that day but it's hard to find hard to find incredibly hard to find and not being able to even find weave that looks like mine very easily comes down to supply and demand not too many of us out here even want it bottom line is mostly all ain't ready to decolonize y'all's lace fronts and this isn't just because of white supremacy and casting advertising and corporate environments causing so much hatred of afro-textured hair amongst black people ourselves because i am particularly talking about youtube so let's look at youtube and which hair influencers actually rise to the top people will subscribe to all the girlies with hair that looks almost nothing like theirs and by every coiling custard and curling pudding by the pound trying to get their hair to look like something that it isn't there is a reason we never got a 4c natural 85 right and it's not for lack of trying i've seen so many youtubers with 4c hair who i feel should have had that type of reach but they came and went and the 4c hair vloggers who are reasonably successful still typically maintain a very particular standard of their own you know very long very very very thick 4c hair is more important than the content itself to be honest with you for you to have any shot i see it happening both here and on instagram if you have short forcey hair and it's normal or god forbid light density viacondios this describes most of the youtubers who i used to watch and most of them don't even make content anymore you can have great advice and all the tips in the world and people are still going to subscribe to and follow the girl with the good hair yeah i said it we are nowhere near moving on from the concept of good hair plus the market seems to have changed a lot in recent years to where now you'd have to do a bunch of hair stunts to have a shot you know buying weird detangling gadgets off of amazon or using fabric softener as deep conditioner or i tried washing my hair with baby oil for two weeks straight and point is i don't meet the standards which when it comes to youtube we set to a large degree we decide what videos we click on and watch and who we uplift in whichever communities on youtube and frankly no one was checking for 4c hair like that even if they had 4c hair like that realizing that is a huge part of why i lost interest in making hair videos and why it was an easy and even happy decision for me to walk away my hair by nature is seen as unkempt crazy woolly and wild automatically the natural hair industry as we know it is largely predicated on beating hair textures like mine into submission into getting it to conform and to curl even when it doesn't want to used to be conforming through relaxers now it's like let's make that 4c look like a 3c you know it's all about putting in a metric ton of eco styler wet line whatever it is whatever the gel du jour is and brushing your hair within an inch of its life to make it look like something else not to mention this obsession with laying edges and slicking them down which to me culturally and psychologically is ju is just as toxic as a perm it's one thing if you just like the look but people are way way way too pressed about these baby hairs and them looking like a very particular way it is very clear when just liking a look is verging into anti-blackness and i am not afraid to say it i have seen time and time again newer hair channels eclipse other 4c girls who i've watched for years girls who were making videos before me and the handful of them who are still doing it now simply because the new girl has super thick dense hair and her 3c curls clump together and she can slick her baby hairs like whoa and i've said before and i'm sure i will say again that for me the hair typing system you know this whole 1 2 3 type 4 hair functionally it's a whole lot like the brown paper bag test my hair meanwhile unremarkable it's not super thick i don't have the texture that y'all wish y'all had which means i never really stood a chance in the natural hair community on youtube and social media it became clear to me that it wasn't enough to at least try to be helpful to share legitimate researched information i used to think that the fact that i've figured out how to at least grow my hair to a decent length despite it being fragile and prone to breakage along with the fact that again when i look around and see other black people and particularly black women in the world i have a very relatable texture and density and when i started out i thought that that would in fact be what my niche was but alas this isn't awkward at all to this day whenever i do take a look at what's going on in hair youtube there are not many women repping 4c hair despite its ubiquity in the world i guess it turns out there's a reason for that you know my hair ain't thick i ain't got no edges these are things i cannot control but clearly those two things paired with the actual texture of my hair being undesirable clearly that means that whatever i'm sharing ain't worth it when it comes to afro-textured hair care incidentally i've actually never had a perm so i also didn't have the perspective of ever having to transition or big chop my perspective is one of a person who was an outsider from day none since i'd get goofed on by girls at school for having nappy hair even though to be honest with you my mom styled my hair into some bomb cornrow styles those those were just jealous so when i first discovered that videos on youtube about afro-textured hair were even a thing oh what a time what a time that was the promise of finally having somewhat of a community on youtube of shared experiences as more and more women went natural that was so fun for me at least at first but to this day i simply do not feel compelled to try to make my curls pop or lay my no edges i don't see the importance of trying to make my hair do things that it clearly doesn't want to do i'd rather just care for it the way it wants to be cared for and i guess this belief this approach incompatible that's a problem for a lot of people spend enough time in the hair community and the internalized anti-blackness really jumps out not to mention the constant deluge of obnoxious comments from random bulbs just telling me what i need to do with my hair that too began to be a bit of a deterrent for me i think the real nail in the coffin was the emergence of brand new insecurities insecurities that literally never existed for me before i started making content on youtube and trust and believe i already had plenty insecurities even though i've had this hair literally my whole life and i've always dealt with some version of uh ridicule or shunning for it youtube started making me feel weird about not having ridiculously high density like all the girlies who actually make it in these youtube streets you know these girls who have enough hair on their heads for like two three or four people i start to feel insecure about the fact that my hair didn't look nor behave like the girls who do make it here on youtube insecurities about my no edges before youtube i don't think i had even used or heard the term edges my uh subtle hairline never bothered me i didn't even think anything of it i didn't even think it was especially thin or anything that is until people started commenting things like she looks like she has cancer i'm dead ass this is what people are doing out here so for something that started off as really fun and exciting for me in the beginning the amount of vitriol i discovered as time went on frankly i need that and my whole ethos i guess of showing women who didn't have the desirable pretty hair textures that we always see represented women who don't have three or four heads worth of follicles on their scalp and insane density women who have thinner finer edges and somehow manage to still be decent people my aim to show them that our hair is pretty and to show them what i do and what works for me and to help these women grow their hair longer if they needed some ideas on how to do that turned out youtube just wasn't here for it and after i decided it wasn't worth the considerable amount of work it takes for me to do that type of content with basically zero roi for my efforts it became a pretty easy decision for me to just let it go people weren't buying what i was selling and after moving on i soon found an unexpected freedom and self-acceptance which continues to today today i do my own thing with my hair i try new things when i want to i rely on old things that i know work and i barely watch any hair videos now ever so i'm not left comparing my hair to anyone else's and longing for traits that i'm never going to have i realized that there was no way i was ever going to out create content from people with hair that aligns with this extremely specific way y'all think afro textured hair should look that aligns with the very particular version of natural hair that is considered acceptable and pretty rather than unkempt and unprofessional short of being a different person with different hair there was no future for this channel as a hair channel chucking up the deuces to youtube hair videos and the factory that goes on on this platform legit got my hair thriving more than ever seems like i cut 10 or so inches off two to two and a half years ago because at that point i already had one foot out the door with hair content anyway so you know you only yolo once as they say not only was that cut something i legit wanted and needed because their hair that means needed to go chow but because of the weirdos here on youtube i knew it would also serve as a culling of those who felt that they had some stake of ownership over my hair and it would probably get them to unsubscribe when when i do see some encouraging changes in you know 20 20 natural hair youtube you know from a 4c perspective obvi like star puppy who's doing great i will link her channel in the description box so it does give me hope to see more than zero women with hair that i actually relate to who are finally making moves making hair content on this platform since i divested though my hair care has changed from a routine that i dread and feel anxious about to be something that i enjoy and is indeed one of my favorite parts of my self-care and i don't feel like i live in fear of my own hair any longer you know afraid of damaging it and thereby damaging my credibility as a natural hair youtuber or and even though i never let this stop me from doing what i wanted to do with my hair i no longer have to think about what anyone else thinks if i cut my hair significantly or shave my freaking head i love my hair now in a way that i don't think i ever have before i certainly didn't love it when i was a kid and i didn't hate it but my mom wasn't the gentlest with my hair and i'm tender headed as so dread doesn't even begin to cover how i felt about getting my hair washed and styled when i was growing up there is a leaf blower going outside so sorry for the noise right now once i was on my own with my hair i was ambivalent at best i never felt even the slightest bit tempted to permit even once i was old enough to be able to make that kind of life decision for myself but i also didn't take very good care of it you know i had no real technique yet and i just rocked it in a tangled dry shrunken fro most of the time which i still think was pretty cute to be honest with you ultimately it was my experience as a content creator in the hair space that made things pivot to the decidedly negative and i've always had supporters don't get it twisted because i wouldn't have continued for any length of time making hair videos if it was 100 negative however it is human nature to remember the five people who called you raggedy under the video rather than the 500 who were sweet to you sad but true i say frequently that i don't agree with the ever so popular line of well if you put yourself out there like just stop right there people always say that like if you make internet then you should be open to people abusing you while they hide behind an avatar of a egg outta here no making videos or instagrams with hair tips or content about anything else really is just that it's content it's always morons invoking freedom of speech as justification to say that they would never say to your face ever a person making a youtube video is not an invitation for you to be an with the content that i do now i still get my share of losers in the comments for sure but i'd much rather deal with attacks on my views on culture or social justice or politics before i have to deal with attacks on things i legit cannot change like the number and shape of the hair strands that i have growing out of my scalp girl bye anyway i did it i'm done i finished detangling i finished this tea talk rant i'm feeling good and i'm ready to go on with my day so thank you guys for hanging out with me and hearing me out and thanks again to everyone who voted in the patreon poll i know i look raggedy my mascara's running i probably have pre-poo conditioner in my eyelashes girl leave me alone natural hair care gets messy okay anyway i'm ready for my wash day tomorrow and that is all that matters i hope you guys are doing well to quote the portland uprising stay safe and stay dangerous and last but not least never trust anyone with a morphe code that's a nappy-headed hose there i'm gonna take that you

Channel: nappyheadedjojoba

Views: 475,790

Rating: 4.9003053 out of 5

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Id: wJH0VaiMvQw

Length: 22min 46sec (1366 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 11 2020