Death Penalty: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

as you know our show is dedicated to covering the biggest news of the week whatever that news may be we have a long proud one-week history of doing that so what was the biggest news story of this week we begin in Oklahoma tonight with an execution that didn't go as planned a convicted killer from Oklahoma dies after a botched execution okay okay okay I know what you're thinking you're thinking white you know you're not gonna really do a comic take on the death penalty right it's your second episode I haven't even decided if I like this show yet well you're right don't change the channel we don't have to talk about the death penalty no one is forcing us to in the application of the death penalty in this country we have seen significant problems I think we do have to as a society ask ourselves some some difficult and profound questions do we do we really have to do that can you not just answer those question for us because I do not want to talk about the death penalty and judging by the noise that you make when you talk about it neither do you what happened in Oklahoma is deeply troubling I know that sound that's the sound of a man drowning on dry land desperately hoping for Biden to suddenly walk out into the gopro's garden in an open road oh god John Oh Jose here thank god you're here ah let's lighten the mood everyone let's talk about Benghazi okay okay so let's do this then let's talk about the death penalty and before you turn this show off there was a YouTube video this week of tiny hamsters eating tiny burrito it's as magical and as uncomplicated as you think and if you make it to the end of this story I promise we will watch it together okay so you have to stay with us you have to stay with us to get it okay so the death penalty should it exist and what should its limits be can someone give me a broad almost infantile guideline of when they think it's appropriate the Supreme Court has already told us that the death penalty is constitutional I will do believe in the death penalty but but only with respect to those who are guilty of committing the crime okay bones idea we shouldn't execute innocent people I think most people would probably agree with that you sir are a regular Atticus Finch but but executing the innocent is not really the tough question here is whether we should be executing the guilty and let me acknowledge right up front that I come to this as a bit of an outsider Britain does not have capital punishment so in a way I really don't know what I'm talking about but in another way I really do know what I'm talking about because before 1965 we didn't just have capital punishment we literally went medieval on people's asses the history of capital punishment in Britain is a long and bloody one since the Middle Ages laws condemned to death have variously faced the boiled alive burnt at the stake or hung drawn and quartered yeah we did that we boils people and in the grand tradition of British cuisine if anything we over boiled them we boil them up we we loved killing people so much we kept coming up with new inventive techniques that look like they were designed by the marquis de sade and named by willy wonka this is the head crusher the small and seemingly innocuous thumb biter originates in 14th century Scotland these devices have almost childlike names like penny Winkies that's right penny wink is a delightful English cousin of the throaty tugtug and the jolly shocky buzz-buzz tickly wickley since I know I know that all of this is still technically horrifying but that's kind of the point because whether you are boiling people alive or putting them to sleep with a tiny injection administered by a puppy dressed as Winnie the Pooh in the end you are getting the same result and here's the thing just because the British people don't have the death penalty anymore doesn't mean that we don't want it back recent polls suggest that at least half the population would choose to have it reinstated which makes complete sense because the death penalty is one of those things that is natural to want but you shouldn't necessarily have the death penalty is like the McRib when when you can't have it it's so tantalizing but as soon as they bring it back you think this is epically wrong should this be allowed in a civilised society and by the way there is your new slogan Magrib you are welcome you are welcome you can have that for free that's yours because because there are things about having the death penalty which might make you a little bit queasy what does the United States have in common with Iran Iraq and Saudi Arabia the answer is the death penalty according to Amnesty International those four nations and China are responsible for 82 percent of the world's executions look this is gonna seem like a gross simplification but any list that contains Iran Iraq Saudi Arabia and China is not a list you want to be on ideally you want to be on one of those lists that Finland is on Finland Finland is on all the good lists like countries with the best pastries or best countries to host your overseas lesbian wedding and I know I know what some of you are thinking but John I hear you saying that most Western countries no longer have executions but if someone committed a heinous crime I would still very much like to kill them okay well let's start with if there have been 312 DNA exonerations in this country since we've been doing forensic testing one life in parole how things which were once considered complete airtight evidence against somebody are now sort of being viewed as junk shut science isn't it interesting is interesting really the word that you're looking for there Cooper facts found on Snapple caps are interesting that the Statue of Liberty's nose is four feet six inches long hot that's an interesting fact but facts like innocent people are potentially executed by our government on a regular basis and not so much interesting as horrifying put it this way if you found that on the bottom of a Chobani lid that would like I can tell you of Chobani even harder to swallow than it already is and look look statistics suggest that false convictions aren't all that rare I this week we are learning from the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences a study that shows four percent of death row inmates are innocent I think you might be using the wrong tone 4% well the outrage about this must be off the charts I remember a certain Texas governor who felt that for individual cases of voter impersonation in the last decade was a moral issue important to address thank any person who does not want to see fraud believes in having good open honest elections transparent well we take it to the Supreme Court to the Supreme Court over a voter impersonation rate essentially close to zero percent so a potential executing the innocent rate of 4% must really eat away at Rick Perry your state has executed 234 death row inmates more than any other governor in modern times have you have you struggled to sleep at night with the idea that any one of those might have been innocent no sir I've never struggled with that at all nope I never struggled with it in fact I sleep great like a big muscular baby 14 hours or not legs in the air with a mobile above my head crying when I myself I'm a big baby I sleep like a baby but ok ok let's imagine for a moment a magical world where you could be sure of someone's guilt what are the arguments for killing them then is it that it's a deterrent to others there is no credible evidence that the death penalty is a particular deterrent to violent crime although to be fair the death penalty is an amazing deterrent to fishing without a license listen Todd I'd love to go with you but is it worth it you've got a wife and children so what about the argument then that we shouldn't have to pay to house and feed a convicted killer an average death penalty case cost the state millions of dollars in California alone since 1978 the total cost of enforcing the death penalty has been over four billion dollars that's 308 million dollars for each of the 13 executions carried out in fact it costs up to 10 times more to give someone the death penalty than life in prison so what a death sentence is really saying is hey this is America and the way we treat the most despicable members of our society is by spending the entire budget of the Lord of the Rings trilogy on them so what what we know now is the death penalty is expensive potentially kills innocent people and doesn't deter crime and here is where it gets hard harder than is potentially appropriate for a comedy show late on a Sunday night but if we are going to answer difficult and profound questions as the president told us to the toughest one is probably if someone is guilty of committing a horrible crime and the family of the victim want the perpetrator executed do we want to live in the kind of country that gives that to them I would say no you might very reasonably say yes or at the very least but but it's a question that is going to need an answer and in the meantime a much easier question is do you want to watch a YouTube video of a tiny hamster eating a tiny burrito it's at this point at this point you have earned it and that is how you end a comprehensive segment on the death penalty

Channel: LastWeekTonight

Views: 13,058,588

Rating: 4.8963146 out of 5

Keywords: death penalty, rick perry, john oliver, Last Week Tonight With John Oliver, HBO (Organization), oklahoma, barack obama, Lethal Injection (Cause Of Death), tiny hamsters eating tiny burritos

Id: Kye2oX-b39E

Length: 12min 23sec (743 seconds)

Published: Sun May 04 2014

Reddit Comments

[u/girlsgonekyle]

That was really funny. I think Ill check that show out. Thanks OP

[u/Zealotte]

Now I want a McRib.

[u/akkmedk]

Reminds me of the days I used to go trolling on the adult swim message boards spoiling for a death penalty debate. Hit all the salient points and ended on a question of personal morals. I still haven't heard a good pro-death reason that wasn't purely emotional and I don't suspect I ever will.

[u/lafayette0508]

I liked it. Maybe he'll take over Colbert!

[u/anonymau5]

The celebrity chef?

[u/atlacatl]

John Oliver's act in this show is exactly like John Stewart's in the Daily Show, except Oliver has a British accent.