Miss America Pageant: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

last Sunday last Sunday one of the weirdest annual events on television took place yet again get ready for the lip gloss the spray tans the blood sweat and sequins [Applause] beautiful and just a reminder to those of you at home it is the year 2014 and I am a fully clothed man standing in front of a line of women in swimsuits awaiting judgments beautiful yes last Sunday was the Miss America pageant and through it all the swimsuits the dance numbers the inexplicable ventriloquism it was it was very difficult not to think how the is this still happening beauty pageants haven't really made sense since an era when people talked like this girls girls girls everyone lovely and talented one from nearly every state in the Union including Alaska and you know why they mention that because Alaska had only just become a States back then in fact in the early days it made sense to have a contest with criteria like this the very first years there was a literal breakdown five points for the construction of the head five points for the limbs three points for the torso two points for the lake three points for the torso I think even back then that was code hey I met this great Dame see she's got a great torso c30 ford the torso you should meet her house the construction of our head it's ridiculous it's ridiculous but the only time the beauty pageants are relevant nowadays is whenever someone forwards you a link to something like this I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe that they our education over here in the US should help the US or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq in the Asian countries now now to be fair the question she was asked was can you do an impression of a dictionary in a washing machine she nailed that she nailed that it is easy to make fun of pageant contestants but which is really crazier that they sometimes give stupid answers or that they are almost always asked ridiculously complex questions government tracking of phone records has been in the news lately is this an invasion of privacy or necessary to keep our country safe why or why not should people who leak classified documents in the name of public information be charged with treason in recent weeks US has released five detainees from Guantanamo exchange for one US soldier held captive in Afghanistan the US policy is to leave no soldier behind you think it's fair to sacrifice or swap lives in order to hold this policy what I totally agree with the guy in the background there because I sincerely doubt the intricacies of hostage exchanges are going to be resolved by a 21 year old PR major and the star of sharknado last Sunday this was an actual question the savagery of the ISIS threat to our security was demonstrated by the gruesome videos of two journalists and an aid worker being beheaded what should our country's response be that's right they asked one of the contestants to solve Isis and she only had 20 seconds to do it how did she do this is an absolute outrage and something definitely needs to be done but I don't think America needs to be the only one to do it I really think it's important for the world for the UN to come together and decide what's the best thing United that we can do to really come together as a bigger and more impactful source to end this horrid great thing that happening holy that is a much better answer than I could have done [Applause] that is a borderline better answer than the president gave lastly in fact many of last Sunday's contestants were genuinely impressive and the Miss America pageant would argue that's because they're a classier organization than their competitors which is frankly not difficult Miss USA for instance is owned by Donald Trump a clown made of mummified foreskin and cotton candy but he's he's pretty blunt about his criteria well obviously it's great outer beauty I mean we could say politically correct that to look doesn't matter but the look obviously matters like you wouldn't have your job if you weren't beautiful that the Miss USA beauty pageant is overseen by one of the ugliest souls on the planet Miss America is supposed to be different from all that Miss America is about something more than just looks this is a scholarship at gently Miss America funds scholars it's a largest scholarship program in the world for women it's easy to think that this is just a beauty pageant but this is a scholarship pageant Miss America is right you need to see them in bathing suits because as we all know the intelligence portion of the brain is located somewhere on the upper thigh in fact Miss America trades on their scholarship claims so much if you pull the Miss America headquarters this is what you hear thank you for calling the Miss America Organization the world's largest provider of scholarships for women okay that is suspiciously defensive right out of the gate that is like Walter White saying hello and welcome to this regular car wash that's definitely not laundering money for my math lab welcome welcome if if it is actually true that Miss America is the world's largest provider of scholarships for women that's a little bit weird because Miss America does not offer scholarships to all women only those who compete in its pageants so to qualify for a scholarship you'll need to certify not just that you've never been married but also that you are not now pregnant and never have been which of course makes sense Miss America is supposed to be a role model for children how can she be that if she's got a child in tow who's constantly looking up to her and those those are just the official rules you need to abide by if you want a shot at winning one of their scholarships you're also going to need access to a can of this stuff but glue a spray adhesive essential for keeping those bikini bottoms on their bottoms just just think about that for a second Oh how did the scholarship interview go well my ass is still sticky I think I've got it doesn't just say it's the biggest scholarship organization it backs this up with numbers we're the nation's largest scholarship program for young women but forty five million dollars made available annually forty-five million that is an unbelievable amount of money as in I literally didn't believe that it's the kind of number that can get stuck in your head and rattle around there for days driving you crazy making you wish for instance there was a way to find out more find out more at Miss America foundation.org and that is where all this craziness began we went to their website and to be honest it wasn't a great sign but their about Us page says we fund scholars you really might want to uh you really might want to but glue a D on to the end of that word but it was known while digging around on their site that we discovered that Miss America and its foundation are registered nonprofits which mean they have to file public tax forms so what we were looking for was that crazy number forty five million dollars what we found instead was that in 2012 at the national level they spent less than $500,000 in cash scholarships leaving us a mere forty four and a half million dollars short of what they say they provide and at this point we really had a clear choice we could have just thought sure the numbers don't really add up but it's only Miss America who really gives a or or we could try to pull the tax forms from every state level competition in the country because this was starting to drive us insane it's been a weird week we got 33 states 990 forms and attempted to contact everyone else but even making the most generous assumptions for every state and local pageant that we didn't get we couldn't get even close to 4 million dollars when remember they are climbing VIX 45 million dollars made available annually at this point we were in way too deep so we just called Miss America which is when we first heard this thank you for calling - Miss America Organization the world's largest provider of scholarships for women and it turns out the key word there is provider some schools offer scholarships directly to pageant contestants and the trick is Miss America counts all of them not just the ones they can physically take so for instance Miss Pennsylvania's website says it offers the winners scholarships to these four colleges and that value of every single scholarship is counted together despite the fact that she is clearly going to attend at most one because she's not going to attend four colleges she's not James Franco furthermore miss Alabama in its 2012 finally said it provided nearly 2.6 million dollars in scholarships to just one school troy university which blew my mind because if that's true that must be the single prettiest school anywhere in america but when we contact detroit it turns out the pageant got to that 2.6 million dollars by multiplying the value of a single scholarship by 48 the number of competitors who could theoretically accept it even though the actual number of contestants who accepted a scholarship that year was and you are not going to believe this zero absolute zero meaning that the difference between the money they provided and the money they awarded was all of the money they provided and at this point we just had to stop because it was 35 minutes ago and we had to take this show but it does seem that two things are true one Miss America gives out way less than 45 million dollars in scholarships and yet two whatever the number is one thing does still seem to be troublingly true the Miss America Organization is actually the largest provider of scholarships to women in the world yeah because even their lowest number is more than any other women only scholarship that we could find more than the Society of Women Engineers whose website is here more than the Patsy Mink foundation here and more than the Jeanette Rankin women's scholarship fund here all of which you can donate to if you want to change the fact that currently the biggest scholarship program exclusively for women in America requires you to be unmarried with a mint-condition uterus and also rewards working knowledge of buttock adhesive technology which is just a little bit unsettling and in fact let me try to explain why to the Miss America Organization through the only medium it seems to value 20-second conversations with women in evening dresses and sashes please join me tonight I'm proud to say as of now we are the world's largest provider of scholarships for women because tonight 400 million $1 scholarships will be made available to the winner of which she may choose just one so let's bring out to our first contestant miss first contestant radiance question number one um what does the continued existence of the Miss America pageant say about how women are viewed in America you have 20 seconds go beginning with the Seneca Falls convention in 1848 that spurred first wave feminism the perception of women in America has always been complex and fluid while it is theoretically possible that Miss America could evolve into a purely academic scholarship organization at this point in time the notion that beauty pageants are about anything other than outer beauty is belied both by the continued existence of the swimsuit portion and the fact that I'm expected to answer this question in just 20 seconds thank you very much musical and now please welcome our final contender miss Kathy Griffin miss Cathy will question when providing access to scholarships is there any place whatsoever for the judgment of a woman's body oh I have no problem with that at all wait really nope no problem whatsoever as long as men are subjected to the same demeaning process let me show you what I mean she's happy to get out here what exactly are you doing all right I am judging you as a host next to him all right John walk that runway give us a twirl look that's only 20% of your total score now I'm giving this one to Giuseppe because frankly he wins on muscle mass legs and of course construction of the Hat okay okay I get your points no let me explain why I'm giving you a lower score I look at yours Eppie and I want to have sex with him I look at you and I want to have sex with Giuseppe I'm a good person Kathy you know what I am calling it Giuseppe win [Applause] buttons are [Applause] Oh [Applause]

Channel: LastWeekTonight

Views: 20,511,530

Rating: 4.8732572 out of 5

Keywords: HBO, John Oliver, Kathy Griffin, Miss America, Miss USA, Donald Trump

Id: oDPCmmZifE8

Length: 15min 24sec (924 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 21 2014

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

For those who didn't watch the video... Miss America claims to provide "$45 Million in scholarships". John Oliver's research team found Miss America actually provides $500 thousand and, at best, all the regional scholarships combine to less than $4 million. So how do they make the claim?

Miss America might provide the winner with her choice of a $50 thousand dollar scholarship. And there might be five schools she can choose from. So for sake of example, it's the winner's choice of a $50k scholarship to Yale, Harvard, Cambridge, Hogwarts OR Clown College. The winner chooses one of those five and Miss America has spent $50k.

BUT, Miss America will claim that they provided $250 thousand in scholarship "opportunities" with that example. Despite the fact there is no way the winner can possibly use all five scholarships (and in some cases, the winner doesn't claim any scholarship), they still claim the $250K number.

And that's how they can claim they provide $45 million in scholarships, yet contestants are receiving less than $4 million in scholarships.

[u/HughJorgens]

I'm gonna say it, John Oliver is the coolest British guy in the wuuhld.

[u/sandwich_paper]

It is just incredible, that they can legally make that claim. When you are honest, it is a big fat lie.

[u/I_kill_humour]

I need to start watching this show. And that part at 11:20 though. That's depressing as hell.

[u/ltmcbaggin]

I wish there were more good reporters like Mr. Oliver.

[u/[deleted]]

The on-stage question really annoys me. It is apparently worth 5%. Basically this is the token shiny object they can wave around saying "look, look, we ask our contestants really smart questions and it counts for their score."

Seriously?

[u/throwy4444]

Fabulous segment on a outdated event that objectifies women. There's a dangerous argument about the absence of a Mr. America pageant though. If one somehow appeared, the Miss America people would use it as a shield. "See? There's no problem. We have one for men too! Now all you feminazis just shut up and go away." The presence of an objectifying pageant for men would not, IMHO, negate the harm a Miss America pageant imposes on women. Because there isn't a surrounding cultural or historical structure that objectifies men (or at least nowhere near as much), the impact would be far less compared to women.

Perhaps a minor point, but one that John seemed to make in the segment.

[u/Krazyflipz]

Personally this is the type of thing I would like to see /r/TwoXChromosomes throw their support/weight behind. Shit like this should not be going on.

[u/ilexberry]

My grandmother was Miss Pennsylvania (in the 1950s). She was already a college grad, and the organization tried to refuse to pay for her grad school. In the end, they only offered a partial scholarship. So this really doesn't surprise me.