Dave Chappelle On Opening Tribute To Black Comedians & Barack Obama || Dave Chappelle

ladies and gentlemen dave chappelle oh boy i'm very nervous uh no pressure uh during the civil rights movement uh the i can't i can't read what's on the teleprompter about black america and white america [Applause] there's black americans and there's white americans we're all one america so so if you don't mind this is this is not live is it i imagine whatever i say you could just you could just edit it out let's try it a few ways lou are you in the booth i am all right good uh you know what let's just play around with and see if we can get it right and get this clip package on and and then let me go home all right all right all right count me in five four three two one [Music] [Applause] five four three two you know when i was a comedian starting out in washington dc right here in this city 1988 i'll never forget this it was a comedy club owner that banned profanity from his comedy club he said he defended his audience and this was a cause of major concern for all the comedians in the circuit and we all called a meeting and we had the owners come and it was the club owners and it was the comedians it was the classic labor dispute the club owners laid out their case that cannot be profanity into these clubs because that offends people and there's a comedian who's still a good friend of mine to this day he was right here in washington d.c he stood up and he said he's black i should tell you because it's important to the story he says i use profanity because i live a profane lifestyle he says i don't have an insect infestation in my house i have roaches [Applause] my favorite comedians are like musicians and the audience is their instrument and the music they make is your laughter and that's the laughter that i scored my entire life to so now some of my favorite american comedic composers thank you when i lose my job i lose my money treat me like a dog he called me a dog yes he did what did he call me an old dog sometimes i wish that was a dog but he was a tree when you stop and think football is a fair sport for my people only sport in the world a negro can chase a white man and 40 000 people stand up and cheer you see in my neighborhood the kids have a kind of a dubious reaction to that whole santa claus concept they just don't believe that a white man will ride a reindeer through harlem after midnight the truth white friend is you that all look alike but look at the black people around you we all different colors black walnut burnout almond chocolate chocolate mocha pecan vanilla yellow melon we come from the first people on the earth you know the first people on the earth were black people we the first people had thought right we was the first one to say where am i and how do you get to detroit i think maybe like 30 years ago there was a woman that wanted to sing in a black lady with the same opera they wanted to sing what's her name mary anderson and this place was like segregated and they couldn't sing here and here we are like not even 50 years later 22 year old black man on stage getting paid to hold god bless america i gotta go now y'all take it easy bye-bye janelle monae will smith common gladys knight and john legend when we continue yeah man when you ladies are right to be honest with you your lives look terrifying to me they do man i know nothing about being a woman but i know fear yo i used to live in new york when i was 17 and i couldn't even pay my bills you know what i didn't make money i used to do shows for drug dealers that wanted to clean their money up one time i did a real good set and these [ __ ] called me in the back room they gave me 25 000 in cash it's probably 18 to 19 so was scared i thanked them profusely i put that money in my backpack i jumped on the subway and started heading towards brooklyn at one o'clock in the morning never been that terrified of my life because i'd never in my life had something that somebody else would want i thought to myself jesus christ [ __ ] knew how much money i had in this backpack they'd kill me for it then i thought holy [ __ ] what if i had a [ __ ] on me all the time [Laughter] that's what women are dealing with i'mma tell you right now it's real talk if the same drug dealers gave me a [ __ ] said put this in your backpack and take it to brooklyn i'd be like [ __ ] i can't accept this i empathize man you know everybody gets mad because i say these jokes but you understand that this is the best time to see him more now than evan i know there's some comedians in the back [ __ ] you have a responsibility to speak recklessly otherwise [Laughter] new york times said uh that louis ck [ __ ] on his own stomach [Laughter] now i've busted a lot of nuts in my day none of them were newsworthy [ __ ] was really gross because they didn't just say it like i said it they didn't just say gizmos they said it in that [ __ ] pulitzer prize-winning style that the new york times has was very descriptive like you know what i mean louis ck sabin shot out like a volcano of misogyny slowly jizzling down like lava [Laughter] covering his freckled penis as it slowly dripped to a fiery crown of red hair jesus christ i'm trying to eat some huevos rancheros you know the tough part being a comedian knowing the [ __ ] everybody comes up to me like did you know did you know what louis was doing no [ __ ] i did not know the [ __ ] you think we talk about at the comedy club hey [ __ ] how was the weekend great man i'm just jerking off in faces and coming on my own stomach having a good time you know how this business is no i didn't know they act like we sit around like greece tell me more tell me more put up a fight sorry i don't know the choreography but you get the point you get the point she was intense but louie was like the turning point i mean you know i all these allegations are terrible louis was the only i shouldn't say this but [ __ ] it he's his allegation was the only one that made me like laugh [Music] what do you think about because prince is reading it and he's jerking off and he's surprising people he surprised me [Applause] i just picture all the comics in comedy just reading like what it's terrible i know it's terrible i'm sorry ladies you're right you are right but at the same time i mean you know what i mean i don't know jesus christ they took everything from louie that was like i don't know it might be disproportionate i can't tell i can't tell this is like where it's hard to be a man one lady said louis c.k masturbating in front of me ruined my comedy dreams word [Laughter] well then i dare say madam you may have never had a dream come on man that's a brittle spirit that is a brittle-ass spirit [ __ ] that [ __ ] is too much it's a grown-ass woman you know what this [ __ ] is like it's like cointelpro you know what that is it's a program that the fbi had on the jaguar hoover in this program one of the many things they did was they would track the sexual habits of anyone they considered an enemy of the state it was a lift button that's why they got all these [ __ ] sex tapes with martin luther king [ __ ] [ __ ] but lucky for us he actually had a dream you think if louis c.k jerk off in front of doctor you can't be like i can't continue this movement i'm sorry but the freedom of black people must be stopped i didn't know this [ __ ] was gonna pull this dick out and jerk off like this i just thought we were gonna get a couple of drinks and chill [Laughter] show business is just harder than that then in santa like i hate to say they all it sounded weak i know it sounds [ __ ] up i'm not supposed to say that but one of these ladies was like ubc was masturbating while i was on the phone with him [ __ ] you don't know how to hang a phone how the [ __ ] are you going to survive in show business if this is an actual obstacle to your dreams i know louie is wrong ma'am i'm just saying i'm held to a higher standard of accountability than these women are don't forget who i am don't forget what i am i i'm a black dude

Channel: Daily Comedy Clips

Views: 2,484,051

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Id: MtiwuGNaGg0

Length: 11min 41sec (701 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 03 2021