#DatingFAQ - Save The Date #5 | Jonathan "JP" Pokluda & David Marvin

you know how intentional I am intention was your middle name yeah I just want uh I don't know what I'm gonna ask chilly in here cold I think I'm gonna sit closer to him and and check out the Irish springs like he's deodorant close to the camera hi there hey they're gonna work out estoy aqui I'm bilingual I'm looking for a proverbs 31 woman goodbye my love sube oh my gosh they love it well welcome my name is David we're so glad that you're here we've been going through this dating series called save the date and as you know if you were here last week we extended the opportunity to allow you to get involved by sending in questions that we wanted to answer tonight so over the past really seven days we've had tons of questions that have come in so tonight I'm going to sit down with our very own Jonathan Polk Luna who is sincerely the expert a big fan favorite here and we're just gonna walk through a lot of those questions as many as we can get through probably actually 20 and and we'll just roll through those as we just begin a dialogue about what God's Word would say to inform those so I'm just really gonna allow an interview in somewhat of a dialogue to plate take place as we go through some of these questions that were asked this past week how you doing you said you're gonna say that the smartest person I've ever okay I said it you're up there though you are up there and you no longer have a job all right so the first question will just roll through as many of these as we can and and we'll kick it off this I'm gonna start with my favorite question no right that came in and I'm gonna ask it just like it was asked and and so are you ready as it is David Marvin single and it was a good Oh before I start dating half-sack dating FAQ if you want to follow some of the we'll be live tweeting during this tweet out some of the stuff that comes from this if you want to search later hashtag dating FAQ or you could post along with that so jump into the conversation with us only used in that the whole night and afterwards tonight so the first question came in related to dating and it was who should pay really nice game in who should pay really she's a problem some angry guy or girl I guess out there who didn't get paid for it but who should pay JP the guy should pay depending on how long they've dated depending on what she's doing you know maybe she wants to plan something special for him is that sexist no first Timothy 5 says that a man should provide for his family if he doesn't he's worse than a non-believer he's denied the faith but wait a minute that's not his family they're not married who is that well remember why you're dating you're trying to get to know know him you're trying to find out hey is he a good father a good provider is he these things and the first Peter 3:7 says that that a husband should live with his wife in an understanding way and that he should that he should cherish her that he would treat her like a something fragile and so you're trying to find out is this the way that he's wired up and so for those reasons I'd say in there you know there's certainly exceptions but generally speaking so yeah the guy second question on a more serious note this one came in I'm glad that was your favorite though I just love the Raelians Callie really who should pay alright this question came in several times in different formats can a girl ask a guy out on a date or can she nudge him and let him know that she is interested can a girl ask a guy out take the lead and initiate so the question is can she and and so yeah yeah sure you can should you know I would say no I would say it depends on what you want what you looking for like so if you're like hey I'm really strong leader and I'm looking for a super passive guy that I can kind of boss around for the rest of my life but yeah I mean ask him out and and I'm sure that won't go very well for you but if you're looking for a leader an initiator if you're looking for that the definition the way the Bible defines masculinity is someone who brings order and initiates and so if you're looking for that person then I wouldn't start the relationship on that foot really Genesis to Revelation the scripture teaches that men and women are equal in rank but play different roles and we have to be ok with that that's God's order and so Reid 1st Corinthians 11 Ephesians 5 first Peter 3 Colossians 3 all of these kind of paint this picture even Genesis two and three and paint this picture that hey this is the role that God wants the man and the woman to play and so I would just say treasures don't do the hunting women you are valuable to God you are a treasure to God and so treasures don't look for someone to find them a treasures wait to be found and so that's good is it wrong so now that we came in is it wrong to pray for God to bring me a spouse no no Jesus says in Matthew 6 to ask to go to God it says in Philippians 4 to present your requests to God and so if that's the desires of your heart you go to God you say hey this is what I want you can even be specific god I hope he's this tall I hope he's this smart I hope he runs this fast I hope he makes this much money no wait wait and God while I'm asking you these things would you conform my heart to your desires because because these are the things that I want they may not be the things that you want and so while I present my requests to you will you make my requests your requests and so as you're asking God for a spouse make sure you don't overlook the wonderful people that he has in your life that would make an incredible spouse while you're sitting there and you're praying and you're begging would you please bring me someone and he's like hey wake up they're all around you so sure just why you're asking make sure you're looking here's a little bit more serious one - is it okay to date someone who has been divorced yeah certainly it's okay to date someone here's what I would say I'd answer it like this it's okay to date anyone who is free to date and so now the question is well how do I know if they're free to date and so there's two simple ways that we could spend the entire night in fact you thought on this when to break up when not to battle the sex is an amazing message David taught it it's an incredible resource I'd point people to all the time and so it's powerful yeah it's powerful and so uh okay so how do I know if they're free to remarry that's really the question are they free to remarry and so here's the answer and some of you aren't gonna like this and so as I say this as you leave here just wrestle with these scriptures I'm about to put in front of you if their ex spouse is dead or remarried then they're not available to remarry now that their ex spouse is is still alive and single then they could pursue reconciliation and there's a chance that that would be God's best well wait a minute what if their ex-spouse is not a believer you tell me God can't save them what if their ex-spouse is a Satan worshiper you tell me God can't change that I don't know the narrative that God wants to write and so to read on this in Matthew 19 I think it's verse 6 Jesus says what man has brought what God has brought together let man not separate so we have grown up in a culture where divorce is normative divorce was not normative when God the author of marriage brought two people together what if God what if they weren't married in the church it doesn't matter like it's when they got married most likely they promised to each other I'm gonna be married to you until death do us part and people say all the time well but they my suppose really changed I didn't know them okay but you went into a covenant relationship before God with them and so that was a path you chose and we want to help you and maybe you should separate you know maybe there's crazy situations going on maybe there's abuse present you go to the church for help we would love to help you walk in and through that but we have seen God doing incredible work in those marriages and so if they are free to remarry absolutely God's the god of second chances I mean he's sure you can date assuming they're you know they're running hard after God they haven't committed the unforgivable sin by any stretch of the imagination that's the short answer okay that that's going to stir up a lot of questions for some of you check out that resource and then reach out we'd love to talk with you in that same pool of thinking is it okay to date someone who's not a Christian is it okay yes as long as you're not a Christian so second Corinthians let's close in prayer yeah second Corinthians 6:14 says do not be unequally yoked to unbelievers what does what does light and darkness have in common what does wickedness and righteousness having come you say wait a minute they're not wicked they're they're just not a Christian well that you know the scriptures say there's an object of wrath at that point he said well what if I if I break up with them they're gonna be turned off to God let me tell you some God's a huge guy okay he can handle your mistakes in fact he's really in the business of handling your mistakes and so he can handle whatever fall that's gonna happen as you walk in obedience and don't define obedience by the outcome okay if you start to think well if I break up with them then they're gonna hate God forever and ever and ever well let's just be honest they already don't love God okay and if God wants to save them he will and so you break up and you pray like crazy for them that that they would come around but God's people choose God's people God's people date God's people God's in the business of dealing with your mistakes is good so that's what I do I was right right off the top of my dome I like it alright next one is also similar the same pool of thought is it okay to date someone who is Catholic or if I am dating someone who is Catholic and I'm Protestant I said okay you want these people to hate me I think you should take that one here's what I would say you jump in so a couple let's think about this are you gonna go to separate churches are you so if you if you're a Protestant they're Catholic are you guys gonna go to separate churches now I came from a family that my mom was Lutheran my dad was Catholic they still to this day go to separate churches and I think a lot of times that's the way we define obedience we looked around like well it worked for them it must be God's will that's a really awful way to discern God's will and so I would say did they believe that we are saved by grace through faith alone and if you said well yes they absolutely believe that we are saved by grace through faith alone then I would say well then why are they Catholic because to the best of my knowledge that that flies in the face of the Catholic catechism or the Catholic doctrine and you say well how do you know here's how I know I was Catholic for nine years I'm sorry I was Catholic for twenty years I was went to Catholic school for nine years went to Catholic seminary for two weeks and and so and so yeah I mean that just think consider those things and you know do they believe we're saved by grace through faith alone and if so you know they might reconsider their commitment to the Catholic Church I'm sure that is going to bring lots of people up to talk to me afterwards they know and David's cell phone number is here's a one outside of that room this physical attractiveness not matter it is physical I'm not smart enough to answer a question this not matter or it is you take the knot out and just say does it matter it is physical attraction important yeah yeah physical attraction is important to the it's good if you're Aggie friends wrote in some question that's good we only made it in Catholic cemetery two weeks he's still bitter rejection letter it stings it hurts physical attraction here we go back on track I told you we should have let somebody else do physical attraction does exactly that it attracts and so to the point where you see someone and you want to walk up to them and you want to engage with them but what I said earlier and a lot of people wrote in and said hey explain that so I'm gonna say it again let's say you're dating someone and they're a really godly person god-honoring person god-fearing person and you say well I'm not just I'm not physically attracted to them should I continue to date them and I would say no you're not spiritually mature enough to and people say well wait a minute wait what are you saying there said well listen I've read in the scripture first samuel 16 where he says God looks at the heart yeah I'm yes and so I'm almost positive its first same as 16 he says hey God looks at the heart of man he does not look what's on the outside and so you're saying hey what is important to me is different than what's important to God but as we pursue God we develop and grow the desires of God and so what am i saying am I am I saying you should find the ugliest most godly person you can think of no I that's not what I'm saying at all but I am saying that you should pray to be attracted to what God's attracted to and he will do that and a lot of times you got to understand what has what has given you the ideas that you're attracted to like what what has given you the desires of your heart what is informed the desires of your heart rather and if you're looking at pornography or if that's a part of your past sin struggles if you're watching you know soap operas or the like you know depending on what magazines you subscribe to all of those are informing your heart and telling it what to look to and so that may be why you're not attracted to what God is attracted to you may have bought into some lies in Dallas or Fort Worth or wherever it is you live so yeah last thing beauty is a depreciating asset and so proverbs 31:30 says charm is deceitful and beauty is what fleeting and so its beauty a bad thing no man I pray my girls are beautiful I pray they are beautiful okay but I just pray that one they don't know they're beautiful and two guys don't think they're beautiful no I beauty is a good thing it's just a depreciating asset and so we're all getting uglier and you're like no no that's not oh my goodness I can't believe you said that here's the deal man none of you are attracted to 80 year olds all right and you're all gonna look you're all gonna look in the mirror one day God willing and every gravity is gonna have taken its toll and everything's gonna be wrinkly and and you know you're gonna have less teeth and less hair and uh and so I'm just saying you're getting uglier preach you know they do so much Botox get scared face tucking surprise everywhere you go okay this one is gonna only be more relevant more important is it okay it's use apps like tinder you hide okay to use apps like tinder I don't know I don't know the Bible doesn't talk about dating apps Ruth Ruth and Boaz tinder swipe right Leah to speak I haven't heard a lot of good things about tinder honestly also known as the hook-up app and so is it okay to use online dating or the like or technology here's what I would say don't date strangers and so the scripture really speaks to this idea even in Song of Solomon where it says they're friends praise their love more than wine it's it's that the whole community is looking on what they have and in the biblical example is arranged marriages and so it's people coming together and say man you two really really make sense okay it's not like technology saying hey you two are compatible there's no such thing as compatibility in relationships sinners aren't compatible with sinners but and so here's the what's the wisdom principle in this don't date strangers friends don't let friends date strangers and so how are you gonna know somebody just through an app I mean and also profiles lie I mean people do not present the truth on the profiles I don't care if he says I graduated from seminary and I love Jesus with all my heart and you know care for the widows and the orphans I mean he could be a con and I would just look around you guys look where you're at look around you I mean I'm looking at and seeing men and women and just because they're at the porch doesn't mean they know God okay not at all I mean they may be a predator of sorts a wolf if you will but but here's the deal there's you don't need to go on an app I mean look around you and so is it whether it's tinder or something else I would just be really really wise and I wouldn't do it in isolation and if you're addicted to it if you can't stop it clearly that's a bad thing but the scripture says everything is lawful not everything is beneficial this falls into one of those categories for me that I don't think is beneficial and frankly I don't think it's necessary it's good am I prepared to say it's absolutely wrong no and there may be a difference between tender and other apps sure kid group them all together can you date this came in a couple times can you date or go on dates with several people at once like you're in a polygamist cult like Johnny asked Sally out on Monday Sally goes on a date Sally gets asked out by Steve on Wednesday and and can't she go on a date with Steve and Johnny at the same time no not at the same night not like the bachelor like different nights different nights different people what would you say I would say honesty is your best friend in any relationship context and so it's honest as you can do with anybody so Johnny asks you out and then two days later and he says hey I'd love to take you on a second date and you would like to go on that second date say I'd love to go on that second date and then if two days later Steve asks you out I would say tell him hey Steve I'd love to go out I'm not going on a second date with Johnny here's the entirety of our relationship right now - see that's really complicated I would just be upfront honest about it I think honesty is gonna be your friend in all scenarios Romans 12 9 says love must be sincere and so here's what I would tell you if you have to hide anything if you feel like you're sneaking around they're off you can't look someone in the eyes and say I was on a date with was it Johnny or Xian or someone I was on a date last night with someone else and hey I may be going on a date with someone else tomorrow if you can't just put it if it's not okay that it's on the front page of the paper then in any scenario for the rest of your life you probably shouldn't do it and so first John one talks about walking in the light Ephesians talked about walking in the light there's a an element to Christianity that we're just fully transparent our lives are open books there's nothing I'm not there's nothing I'm afraid of that you're gonna find out about me and that should really mark your dating life there's there's nothing that I need to hide from you I don't need to brain dump everything on you the first night either but there's nothing that need need to hide from you and so Romans 12:19 love must be sincere it's a good word and I think that's huge because honestly is like contagious honest people tend to attract honest people and so dishonest people deceitful people or people that tend to hide things tend to attract people that tend to hide things yeah it's good Jake up and laban yeah okay so number 10 so we're about halfway through what if I'm dating someone and we and this came in four or five times what if I'm dating someone and we have had sex but are now pursuing purity and God the relationship together are we doomed because of our sin No proverbs 10 verse 12 says love covers a multitude of wrongs romans 8:1 says there's now no condemnation for those who are in Christ 2nd Corinthians 5:17 I think says that the Lord is no longer counting his sins against you and so no God as I said earlier God's a God of second chances but here's the deal now you may need to put new boundaries in place because it's very difficult to go backwards and so God can absolutely heal you he can absolutely restore you but you need to be honest and you need the community needs to be involved others need to be looking in on that relationship and if that's you and you hear this and you're started with hope right now like hear me say this it's time to stop right now to do whatever is necessary to cease that physical element of your relationship to stop like right now and so that may mean that you're not alone together anymore until you're married in that same category as it relates to physical boundaries how far is too far that's the question yeah how far is too far a couple of things I'm just gonna give you some wisdom principles on this if I want you to consider for a second how far you want to go before you're married in a relationship so what's the end result like what do you what do you hope hey we don't go I hope we don't go past this and so some of you would say well I'm okay with making out and so let's just say hypothetical hypothetically speaking that's okay well it's okay you know well if that's the end goal before you're married I certainly wouldn't start there like I wouldn't start there on third date that because you're starting at the finish line and so consider that hey hey what I'll do I want to do before I'm married what do I think is okay and and then like pace yourself if you will and so we know at the altar that there's this beautiful moment where I say to everyone there and the reason it's a part of the ceremony I don't know if you've ever thought about this the reason this is a part of the ceremony because for so long tradition would have it that is the first time that couple would kiss and everyone would see it and so I was like hey it's a big deal everybody look on hey ready you ready you may kiss your bride well now it's like well yeah you kissed him again and then you were kissing him last night you did more than that you might you know and so it's a much less of a big deal now but you got to consider where that tradition comes from and so here's what I would tell you here's here's a really practical answer if your body is preparing itself for sex you've gone too far do I need to explain myself further like do I need to get graphic you sure I think I think they got it if your body in men if your body is preparing itself for sex ladies if your body is preparing yourself for sex you've gone too far wait a minute that means I can't even be in the same room with her maybe you understand how hot she is listen it might mean you can't be in the same room alone you know you're probably not gonna have sex at Starbucks you know and so it may it may mean tweet that yeah it may mean it may mean that you guys can't be alone together I don't know and so that's not crazy I mean just like as quickly and effectively as you can efficiently as you can get married and have all the sex you want last thing I would say I've said this before is it's like when somebody says hey how close to the edge of the building can I get I just say hey do you want to jump off because if you want to jump off I wouldn't even get on the elevator how would you we go up to the roof if you want to jump off the building stay on the ground and if we're honest when it comes to sex and intimacy we want to jump off that our body is naturally wired to go all the way that's why it's preparing itself for sex so that you can have sex and if you can't have sex it's unloving to go there the scripture says the son Solomon do not awaken love before its time how much better off would we be if we waited you know and went with God's design on this deal again can I this is another one came in can't travel with my boyfriend in Stane hotel if we're committed to purity and both of our community groups hold us to that here's what I would do I would start by going to your community groups and I would say hey guys I need to let you know I think you've sinned against me because you have you have not held me accountable to what is appropriate and when you said that we can travel together and you're just gonna check in with us that that was what you guys should have done is pulled your resources together so that I could get my own hotel room well you should have done is chipped in on this little trip you know and here's what I would say if the only option is staying together don't go waits his brother's wedding who cares you don't go to his brother's wedding if that's what it means to honor God you said well wait a minute I thought what was sinful is sex I would say thank you were not meant to stay in the same hotel room with the opposite sex and not have sex you should have sex you were wired too and so you're training your body Hey I'm teaching you whenever I'm alone with this man or whenever I'm alone with this woman don't have sex don't have sex don't have sex you're you're putting pathways in your brain hey whenever we're alone together in a hotel room I want you to know that you can't have sex you know what I just read a statistic the other day they said 30 to 40 percent of married couples sleep in separate beds did you hear that 30 to 40 percent of married couples today sleep in separate beds people who sleep in separate beds and hotel rooms when they're single sleep in separate beds when when they're married and so I would just man I would say that's not that's not God's best practice for you man you were meant why play with evil the scripture says 1st Corinthians 6:18 through 20 says flee sexual immorality all other sins a man commits are outside his body but whoever sins sexually sins in a very special and unique way says do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit who's in you whom you received from God you are not your own you've been purchased you've been bought at a price therefore honor God with your bodies and so when you say hey can we you know let's just both go halfsies on this motel 6 you know for your brother's wedding you know that does not sound like running from as fast as you can sexual immorality that sounds like hey let's poke sexual immorality or you know see how close we can get and so it you know that that feels that feels like the how far is too far that's too far and if you're asking how far is too far you've gone too far I would say in nine years of vocational ministry the person who asked how far is too far has gone too far and they're asking the wrong question it's good I know I went back one but I had more to say on that I mean you you be you how can you is another one came in multiple times how can you guard your hearts guard your heart do multiple hearts how can you guard your heart or the person's cows are dating how can you guard your heart or whose heart whose heart / door just like to read the question practically feel like there's some spelling errors okay how can you guard your heart practically or the person who you are datings heart the hearts always going somewhere okay man we are sensitive fragile emotional beings and so be careful what you say be careful you do that that proverb in proverbs 4:23 guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life everything you do flows from it it says and then it says be careful where you let your eyes go be careful what how you talk do not let perversity come out of your mouth and so that proverb is just a great description of how to guard a heart and what I would say is is guys girls are Wanderers they wander a lot so don't let them wander that's that's that hold the genius behind the DTR that defined the relationship you need to anticipate what her questions are and answer them say hey this is what I'm doing don't be intense you know but be intentional so hey this is this is what we're doing here this is what I'm thinking this is where I see this going hey I'm really glad we're here together this is what's going on in my mind as much as you can unveil your thoughts to her so she doesn't leave there why are we just friends you know what is this is afrin Dacian ship and what's what's the deal here how you know or is he gonna propose tomorrow you know what's that that's those are things girls should never ask are we just friends or is he gonna propose that's that's a bad thing and so I think being honest that hope Romans 12 nine your love must be sincere and then I would just say something we've said in the past that I really like is and this is what I think proverbs 4:23 is saying don't follow your heart but inform your heart tell it where to go and so ladies don't let your heart wonder ten years down the road I mean if you're on your first date don't be naming children okay it's not that's that's not in good practice don't don't let it just you know get don't let it progress further than what is reality what's in front of you right now it's really good you keep saying that is it wrong to pray together this okay we surprisingly at several times is it wrong to pray together before getting married what would you say better than sex I would say I would say you disagree I didn't step into that ring I would say I mean it depends on what you're talking about if you're talking about a meal here's like why where that comes from so if you went to a em or you went to Texas or you went to some of the bigger schools that have what's called bucks there's an organization there are different organizations and you may have heard that if you grow up in the church where it's like hey you shouldn't pray together before you get married the reason behind that is not necessarily a verse that informs it but it's just such an intimate act anytime you you move into the realm of spirituality there's a really intimate thing that involves your soul at a deep level so that's why they say practically speaking to guard your heart you should be leery of stepping into that of praying consistently and having like private prayer time just the two of you in a closet together praying and and so that's the reasoning behind there so it depends on what you're asking if you're praying before a meal I'd say that's fine but if you're praying and a more there your prayer partner that may be unwise so that's our answer yeah bless this food probably okay lord please help me not rip off his clothes cuz he's so hot right now yeah probably not okay I gotta bring specifics to it people have questions that's great I'm trying so hard to stay focused right now and not step into that range okay when to say those three little words I want to break up oh this is why we only made it two weeks your words hurt me we need to say I love you I would be slow to say it and quick to prove it and what I mean by prove I'm not talking flowers and doors I'm talking you know you read Ephesians five husbands lay your why your lives down for your wives as Christ did the church so what does it look like to prove that you love it looks like holding boundaries to purity it looks like sacrifice sacrificing your own flesh your own selfish desires for the good of a relationship and to honor God and so as you're as you're proving that as you prove that constantly you know and you're moving towards the altar I think it's a great time to say we grew up in a culture where that was just you know you're in the sixth grade you're talking to some girl that you're never gonna have a chance of marrying like hey girl I love you you know you singing boys to mints on to her and so and that's just me anyways and so and so that you know that that's just not in good form it's not sincere it's not it's not Romans 12 nine if you will and so yeah I would just say hey prove it before you say it show it before you say it you can be slow to say it I was gonna say something else there and I forgot you want me to have him talk amongst themselves how do I know this one came in multiple taps ooh how do I know if they are the one how do I know if they are the one it usually that knowledge comes right at about this time someone like me is standing with you saying I now pronounce you husband and wife and at that point they're the one and so let me say like this like I'm married I'm married and married Monica I've said this before it always upsets people so my wife is there anyone else out there for her I mean could she be happily married to someone else or is there someone even more right for her than me out there and the answer is absolutely yes okay my wife is five three I'm six seven I mean God just has a sense of humor I like guns and motors I mean there's a dude out there that would be home right now I'm here with you guys but there's a guy there that would be sitting you know he's home at 5:30 on Tuesdays and so there's lots of guys out there that would be great for her now I'm the one for her because we went to the altar together there's not one for you there's not this like magic random when you were born somewhere around you know the same year some guy was born and you two or star-crossed lovers wandering somewhere around the world and you're aimlessly hoping that you find each other and tinder maybe the answer that that's not the case okay that's crazy that's crazy there's lots of one's for you lots of ones I mean love God with all your heart find someone who loves God with all their hearts that you enjoy being around that's gonna be a good good spouse a good parent and spend the rest of your life with them and it's gonna be hard and work it out and they're gonna change and you're gonna change and you're gonna mature and they're gonna mature and things are gonna happen and life circumstances are gonna gonna happen you may miscarry he may lose his job you may go through depression he may get cancer okay you don't think about those things when you're 25 year old old and single all you're thinking about where where is the one out there men marriage is so much more practical than you ever hope to admit you know where you've taken marriage advice from I'm angry now you may angry we've got our mayor's device advice from Hollywood Hollywood has the worst divorce rate ever that they're awful in marriage the people who are telling you how to have a marriage suck at marriage they're not good at it Anderson hey you want it look listen this is how you you know you need to be compatible you need to have this and then you look at their divorce rate and it's through the roof they're the worst people in marriage giving us marriage advice take marriage advice from the Scriptures okay from the Bible and and so much of what we learned we have to unlearn and I know you're hearing some radical things right now just get by yourself open the word begin to read the scriptures that you're into this is this David could answer these question anybody any one here with with any knowledge of the word can answer these questions this is not JP's dating advice as much as I can I'm saying hey these are things these are principles that the scripture says these this is where it informs that and so there's the the one for you is the one that you covenant before God with that you're gonna spend the rest of your life because if not then you're gonna get in that relationship and you're gonna say man I may have married the wrong one and lo and behold your neighbor who's gonna be amazing and you think maybe he or she was the one for me and maybe I made a mistake and maybe I need to undo that mistake and people do it all the time and it's always a mistake that is always a mistake and so let me say this right here we just wrote a blog on this every single question to the best of my knowledge that came in we have written blogs on the order the porch Dallas com slash blog use it like Google there's a search box there you can search these questions and there's entire papers written on them so for further resources depends on what your doubts are in you know are you doubting that they're hot enough for you or are you doubting that they actually have a legit relationship with Jesus or do doubts mark you like are you someone that you look backwards and you like you can't even choose what bread to buy much less who you can spend the rest of your life with you know and so it's like if that's your problem like you need to heal from that issue that you know if you're kind of this paralysis by analysis I just overthink everything I mean this may just be a case of cold feet you know who knows but if there's like legitimate doubts if you're like me I don't even know if they're Christian I'm seeing some behaviors in their life that are really questionable then then you know what you need to do proverbs 3:5 and 6 says trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understandings not trusting your doubts not trusting your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge God look and pursue God and He will make your paths straight he will direct your path he will show you where to go okay so for more come on when it comes to getting engaged how long should you date before you get engaged Leviticus 17 in the Hebrew says that to Christian should date three months two weeks and four days I'm lying how long she two days uh four days so why are you dating your dating to find out if they are a godly would make a godly spouse and godly parent and so as soon as you know they'd make a godly spouse with godly parent marry them you're incompatible you're not dating to find out if you're compatible you're incompatible you're two centers okay you're male and female you're completely incompatible but marriage is two selfish people coming together agreeing to be selfless towards one another for the rest of their lives sometimes I always like have this insecurity in these messages that people are like man his marriage must be awful and he you know I'm not I'm not speaking from my own experience I'm speaking from what the scriptures say and meeting with literally hundreds of people and meeting this right before the altar after the altar ten years in a marriage 30 years in a marriage fifty years in a marriage and so I just remember being on the other side of the altar and being really naive to these truths and so I'm putting them in front of you and so as soon as you can effectively know now listen if it's five years have you been dating for five years I'm like what did you hope to learn year three you're four or five like what were you hoping to find out like well I just wasn't ready for marriage that's a very American idea it's like oh I need to be rich before I need to afford a wedding before I can get married these are very Western cultural ideas just be careful not to fall into that trap you need to process this with a biblical worldview okay not a materialistic worldview if you will and some of you said before is if you're an enjoying dating long term you're probably doing it wrong in other words you're probably hating sex all sleeping together yeah it's terrible right I mean datings that I mean marriage is fun datings like I mean it's emotional highs and lows lots of Tears you know that there's joys that are matched by lots of you know frustrations and sleepless nights and what is he thinking and so like getting married already man engagement is worse I think Emily Walker you know what I'm talking about that's true Emily come up here and tell them microphone all right last three I am a woman who do you're not this hey this is how you're gonna break this this is from a woman who wrote this she says and I quote I am a woman who doesn't necessarily want kids in my future does it freak guys out more if women don't want kids versus if women do want kids tell us what freaks out the men want to know I want to be like with the divorced one in this one these heavy heavy questions and I I don't want to be trite or cliche but but I do want to be direct and so just just know that I know there's a sensitivity here and so let me just start here who cares what you want you track with me like when was this ever about what you wanted and so I say that intentionally with some bite to it because proverbs 127 says that children are a blessing from the Lord and and so if you don't want children I'm questioning companionship but that sounds like you know that the Scriptures all say do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit and so and as you're thinking about guys I mean you don't want to run a strategy based on well what does the guy like and that's what I want to give to them you want to say hey what does God value and how do I live that out whether I'm single the rest of my life or not what does God Almighty the creator the heavens the earth who formed me in my mother's womb and has a plan for me and a purpose for me what's important to him and how do I live that out and I would tell you that that children are important to him now let me say this what if I can't have children that's a different question you can always adopt you can always disciple I mean some of the the godliest couples I know they they never had children because they were unable to and yet they turned their lives out and and made disciples out of dozens and dozens of people and so you can always do that you may not be able to have children biologically but you can make disciples I would say marriage a key part of marriage the reason God invented marriage was or one of the the two primary reasons I believe God invented marriage was to for procreation he says in Genesis be fruitful and multiply fill the earth and subdue it he says that to Adam and Eve he says it again to Noah I think in Genesis 9 and so be fruitful and multiply fill the earth and subdue it Psalm 127 children are blessing of the Lord blessed is a man whose Quivers full of them and so if you don't see children as a blessing then you don't see children in the same way that God sees them so in essence it's like you're asking the wrong question and you're saying hey it's not what I want and I want to do what guys want so tell me what guys want and you're saying focus on what God focus on what God wants absolutely inside of your life is good there you go that was to see it was I've been having feelings for a girlfriend for a while now I feel like these are like confessionals I've been having feelings for a girlfriend of mine for a while now and I'm certain she starting to have feelings for me too how can I approach this situation and tell her how I feel about her this is a tough one I want you all to get a pen and paper okay I'm serious so I want you to write this down I like you and parenthetically I would say look her in the eyes and tell her I'm really interested in you I'd like to spend more time with you my son my son was through right I can stand up now one more but you're welcome to stand okay okay my son well he we would call him caveman he's just kind of grunt and moan and make these noises and and and he would just kind of throw a fit whenever he didn't get his way and I would always say use your words Westen's use your words it's what guys that's what I would I would exhort you in this use use your words all right haha like you you do you think do you think in English you know you think in a language and so turn your thoughts to words and present them as clearly as you can to a young woman and so ask her out man I mean if you are ready to date and she's ready to date and you're interested in her I go to her and just say man I would love to spend more time with you intentionally I'm really interested in in dating you I like you let's go all right one more ladies one more and then I'm gonna let you close it out and close yourself what should I do while I wait for God to bring about the right person what should I do right now in this season while I wait for God to bring about the right person wait for God to bring about the right person let's pray no I would just say like you you we had this like mantra for the porch forever like you're becoming something right and so you know Andy Stanley says be the someone that the someone you're looking for is looking for all right or become the someone there's someone you're looking for is looking for and so here's what I would tell you is become to someone that God has planned for you to be that God has has intentions for you like you're like like develop and so if you want to be a good wife right then think about hey what makes a good wife and how do I become that now ladies let me say this really important because it is really important okay it's not like an if then statement it's not voodoo it's not like well as soon as I learn to Bay and clean then God's gonna you know drop a husband through the roof that's not what's gonna happen okay and that's not even what I'm saying all right and guys it's not like this if then well you know she's magically gonna appear okay so if you're looking for someone one look for someone you can pray we covered a lot of these things you can pray for them but at the same time like it is fine to desire a marriage it's not okay to need marriage it's not okay your heart is an idol Factory and if it's grab something so tight that you're completely discontent I mean you know the answer that question what do I do if I'm waiting on someone one like stop waiting you're not in a waiting room you know in a holding tank like you're an able-bodied amazing gift that God created for himself and so begin to unleash your gifts and serve Him with radical abandonment reckless abandonment and love him with all your heart and learn his word you you will know I know you feel so busy I know you do okay I get it I know you do all right but when you have kids that depend on you and someone a roommate that you entered in a covenant relationship with that you're gonna care for them and help them and provide for them you're going to have a lot less time and so as busy as you feel like right now life only gets busier so right now you create margin to know God and to love God so that you can continue for the rest of your life to know God and love God okay we covered a lot of questions and I liken it to this I just got back early this morning from speaking in in Waco I had two speaking opportunities there and if I'm totally transparent with you what what freaks me out the most about these opportunities what what concerns me the most what causes me the most stress on the front end okay it is is not what I'm gonna say it's not the Scriptures my cover it's not the illustrations it's actually getting to the locations like I never know where they are I never know how to get there I don't know how early I need to be and then when I get to the property I don't know if I just like show up and someone magically finds me and tells me where to go and so these are the the questions that I have so a lot of times I'll spin the front end of the time you know I prepared the message that's there I know that God's got to speak through me like if it's if it's me you know it's gonna fall flat anyways and so I'm not worried about that I'm just like hey I need to make sure I get there and I'm there on time and I know where it and so what happens is I get directions and when I get directions I followed them closely and I say okay I need to exit here I need to turn here I need to go down this road and just stop at this light and then it's gonna be three miles down here and if I don't know where I'm going I'm following these directions really closely and I'm looking at now the directions don't tell me everything like like sometimes there's a car driving in front of me really slow the directions don't tell me I need to pull over and pass it I've got to use common sense I've got to use wisdom likewise we covered a lot of dating ideas a lot of dating questions the scripture doesn't tell you everything he doesn't say hey where you should go on a date or those sorts of things then answer all of your questions but it gives you a big-picture framework a map and your destination we defined in this series is married we date for marriage we date so that we can find someone to spend the rest of our life with and do ministry with serve God with race children with and so that's the destination and so you follow the framework that is outlined in the scriptures and so that was the the first location that I went to has really fall in the directions and then I had the second speaking engagement yesterday night and I didn't know how to get there and so I called the guy said hey can you just tell me how to get there I know this sounds silly I'm just really bad at directions and he goes hey bro just follow me and that's what I want to tell you is it isn't dating if you're following Christ see when you follow someone you're no longer thinking about the play-by-play do I turn here do I go here do I do this but either you just think hey at every turn hey where is he where is God how do I I want to keep my eyes on him and I want to go the direction that he's leading and so I'm watching Christ constantly and you're asking all of those questions could be answered with another question what would honor God the most God what would honor you the most should I stay in a hotel room with my significant other God what would honor you the most how far is too far God what would honor you the most can I date someone who's divorced god what would honor you the most let me dive into the scriptures and seek to understand for myself you guys live in the information age you've never had more resources than this and you know so I got to that place I was we got we're gonna meet at a restaurant I was gonna follow him into the location and he said you know what bro just jump in with me I'll Drive I'll Drive I'll take you there and that's what I really hope happens tonight that there's a surrendering in your soul that you look at your dating relationships and you say you know what if the end goal is marriage I may not be great at this I may be doing something wrong I'm not saying you are and fatica Lee I'm saying it's a possibility I may be doing something wrong you say hey got you drive you're the God the Creator the heavens the earth if I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with someone you see them right now in your mind's eye you invented them you made them you know their family you know everything about them God would you make my paths straight would you drive would you help me to trust you in every way that I possibly can as you were made to be in a right relationship with Christ to sinners are incompatible the only compatible relationship that you're gonna have is you and Jesus that's it period that's the biggest thing in your life it's not something that you just add to your life it's the biggest thing in your life so let me pray right now I'd be the biggest thing in your life father thank you just for a fun night to get to hang out with one of my closest friends and talk through scriptures with a couple thousand other friends and laugh and dive into ancient truths that still apply to our lives today no father would you direct our hearts right now would you convict us where we're missing it and stir our affections towards what is right and true and father as we trust in you with all our hearts as we lean not on our own understanding but in everything that we do look your direction knowing being completely and soberly aware that your God would you make our paths straight father would you direct us so God we pray that you would take over our lives that you would jump in the driver's seat that we would forfeit the will not just our wit our will but the wheel that you would direct us God give us holy relationships father I pray that marriages would be produced in this place tonight truly I really do that that people that desire to be married would find someone that was in the rest of their life with them pursuing you together that that you would do that for my friends here tonight that feel forgotten Lord would you let them know they're not forgotten but their hope it would be firmly in you that you love them that you have plans for them that they would not just sit waiting for their desires to come be fulfilled that they would actively fulfill your desires for them Jesus name Amen my favorite person Elissa - on the topic of dating and it's because he's someone who said I surrendered there's nothing I want more I want to know you and I'm offering my life to you Jimmy would be the first to admit I did not do it perfectly right and I would be the first to admit I did not do it perfectly right both of us have found that dating mode is hard does not have to be as hard as the world around us wants to make it and so if you're in a relationship right now walking through just pain or you're coming out of a relationship that didn't end the way you saw in him and it hurts sucks we'd love to talk to you we'd love to pray with you we'd love to come alongside we'd love to share and just talk with you if your never had the moment where you said Lord I surrender all I want to put aside every Kingdom that I have and I want to just place that inside of your hands we'd love to talk to you we'll have an entire team down front to pray with to just speak with can we thank JP we either spoke on Sunday and last night at vertical and we're gonna do this it's gonna be awesome and he agreed to do it and such a hero it's so fun to get to do ministry with friends and people that love Jesus and he loved and so I personally be the question about finding the one I don't know that I would be married right now to my wife if we didn't walk through that and JP we did our wedding also walk through that conversation question with us and so if there's any of those questions we can follow up with serve you speak more into will have an entire team down here and we'll have porch late night there's gonna be a whole group of men and women outside and putting on all kinds of fun and games food trucks porch late night we're having a party here as long as you want to stay or until 10 o'clock and so you guys have a great week we love you all and it will be down front if we can serve you

Channel: The Porch

Views: 12,480

Rating: 4.9341564 out of 5

Keywords: dating, FAQ, dates, date, when, is it ok, okay, women, men, tinder, christian dating, Simple, Advice, Easy, It's, Help, Need, Christianity (Religion), the porch, watermark, community church, message, save the date, Advice (Media Genre), Tips, Tricks

Id: wLKvozfaT6Q

Length: 56min 26sec (3386 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 19 2015