Cupid: Dating Myths - Dating Directions #2

gather here uh this is fun Cupid we're back in it and so as I thought about tonight you know that the thing there's a part of this which I love to do and then there's a part of this that I'm just burden to do because it causes me to do a lot of reflecting a lot of wrestling with the scripture I feel like this week particularly just a lot of wrestling in the past 48 hours even with with a scripture but as I thought back on my own dating life like I wish that I had this okay and so there's a part of me that's like man this is you guys are here and I and I wish that someone would have told me that you know all the things that I was doing that they would have said hey those are wrong and here's the way and and I could you know sort the truth from the lies and that's I think one of the most difficult things is the world is constantly trying to get your attention so there's just a part of me that says no no the world is doing it so wrong and so as I thought about how to start this tonight I just I want you to guys to watch this clip so here's my question for you do you know where you're going do you know where you want to be okay we're talking about dating and so as you consider dating do you have a destination in mind because we all agree like there's something different when there's something different from like putting in a destination into the GPS and driving intentionally to that destination remember what you were doing in high school you kind of cruise the scrips trip or whatever you guys would call it right you know you're just kind of drive aimlessly okay I did this maybe I'm the only one in the room but we would just kind of you know hey mom and dad I'm gonna go driving and like driving where I don't know just around so that's some of you that's how you date like you just go dating where's that going I don't know just just kind of around right and then some of us right we understand that we have to go somewhere and so strategy is this simple I have a friend who graduated from Harvard Business School and he was the least strategy strategic consultant of a leading hedge fund and he says strategy is this simple it's knowing where you are knowing where you want to be and then taking a step in that direction or he would say formulating a plan to get there and so for me as I asked you guys do you know where you want to go like if I want to go towards the back of this room if I want to head that direction then I need to be facing that direction and I know that seems like common sense but some of us were saying hey we want to be there but we're facing here when it comes to dating we're going the wrong way and we need to hear that at a head level and a heart level and so tonight I want to talk about what it looks like to go the right way what it look is if we're not doing it the right way right we're doing it the wrong way and the wrong way is going to get us to the wrong location the wrong destination we're gonna continue to beat our head against wall and here's the crazy part about this this is just pure logic most people by most I mean the majority over fifty percent do this the wrong way how crazy is that right they don't they don't end up in the right destination literally statistically most people do not end up where they want to be and so how are you going to to change that right and the world has all of this these rules and regulations for you in fact the myth this week because we're busting these myths the myth this week is that there's all of these rules to dating there's not a bunch of rules there's really just a few rules so that what the world tells you is that there's all of these rules to dating and kind of above and beyond all of them is to follow your heart okay in fact I did a google search rules to dating and it showed me nine million three hundred thousand results I'm talking dozens and dozens of books titled rules to dating I think yeah there you go just nine million three hundred thousand results on a search rules to dating in quotes how crazy is that and then above all of them it says and follow your heart and so what I want you to know tonight is that there's not that many rules to dating I want to make this simple and really I want to make it worryfree for you I want to bring it down and I want to tell you don't follow your heart inform your heart that's what the scripture says inform your heart tell your heart where it should go show it what is right so that it knows to pursue that thing right because if you show it the wrong things it's going to chase the wrong things and I think so many of us we're going the wrong way and so I know you're like simple worryfree like that's not that's not dating well the reason it's not dating cuz it involves our heart frankly it's our heart that makes this difficult it's us giving our heart to someone or not knowing who to give us our heart to and and then when they take it they do the wrong things with it then it's broken and we're left hurt and there's all of these things that are fallout from from this word called dating that we're here to talk about so Jeremiah 17:9 says the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure who can understand it tonight I just want to give you a biblical dating strategy that goes beyond follow your heart here's really what I want to do you're gonna leave here and most of you in the room tonight most of you that want to be married you will be married most of you okay if that's your heart's desire most of you you will be it's just just a reality okay and then about half of you will be divorced just another reality it's just a statistic and in the statistic we know is the same in the church and out of the church and so what I want to do for you as the spirit makes alive to us the Word of God is I want to curve that statistic okay I just want to give you a better chance when you leave here then a 50-50 ending rate okay a 50/50 disaster rate is really higher than that because so many marriages that stay together aren't really marriages at all so the disaster rate is so much higher than 50 percent and I just want to leave you here with a better chance of having a good healthy god-honoring relationship because God has some things to say to this and so people when they follow their heart they come up with these really stupid ideologies and I don't know how else to say it other than that just really stupid ideas when they follow their heart and so I heard this on the radio the other day they're like this girl's like on the radio and she's talking about these these people dating or thinking about getting married and she's like well of course they're gonna live together before they get married like of course they're going to like hey yo who would ever want to marry someone without living together and I just thought about that and so who uh you know I said I want to look at the data and so we built a graph to show you today and so here's here's the data this is pure logic okay this is secular information all right so before you get angry before you leave I'm just presenting the facts to you think about this with a clear mind you see that black line okay that black line is the cohabitation rate simple as that you see before 1970 it was virtually non-existent in fact it was illegal did you know that cohabitation today is still illegal in four states in the United States of America fact okay and so before 1970 virtually non-existent you see how drastically the claw or it inclines okay that red line that red line is the divorce rate and you see how rapidly that increased right right with along with as cohabitation increases the divorce rate increases okay but you say well wait a minute you say wait a minute jpu out there about 1985 it seems like the divorce rate is going down a little bit okay that's in numbers not percentages okay so let me show you this that blue line right there that blue line that is the marriage rate you see what's happening see see how that starts to go down so people aren't getting divorced less the divorce statistic has remained the same the nut the numbers are less because people are married less that that is just information that's just data you see how logic can debunk these things of the world that God says no no I don't want you to do that because I love you and I want you to be in a healthy god-honoring marriage where do you want to be let me ask you if you're dating I hope one of the places where you want to be is in a marriage but not just in a marriage like if you said that when I say hey where do you want be I want to be in a marriage no you don't you want to be in a god-honoring marriage you want to be in a healthy marriage to a wife or a husband who loves you as God has called them to who cares for you you want to be in an uncommon marriage in a marriage that rarely exists today okay between two people who are fully committed to to God first and then love each other out of the overflow of that commitment that is what you want if you are looking to get married and want to get married and so tonight I just want to talk about how to get pointed in the right direction how to stay with within the lines like what are the principles that that the Scriptures tell us to I'm telling you it's not a bunch of rules it's just some kind of big principles to think through you know that are pretty self-evident self-explanatory and then before you leave here just understanding the destination where we're actually going and so yesterday was February the 4th here's what that means for me if I'm doing a proverb a day on the fourth day I read proverbs 4 on the 27th day I read proverbs 27 and so kind of go along with that and so yesterday was the fourth I read proverbs 4 and I just felt like the Lord gave me this this verse to put before you and so this is Solomon the wisest man in all the world writing this thing and so what's interesting is he's going to say so he has all of this wisdom Solomon he writes this book called the book of wisdom or proverbs right he's the wisest man ever live in the history of humanity and he scribes these things down and he gets down to this proverbs 4:23 and it's a verse you've heard again again like much like proverbs 31 it's one of those that either wants to make you throw up or or like yeah that's truth and so it's that one that says guard your heart right you ever heard that guard your heart yeah we don't know what that means right that's one of those things pastors say that sounds like yeah guard your heart you're like yeah that's what I'm gonna do have no idea what that means you know and today I'm gonna talk about what does that mean what does it mean to guard your heart because the scripture is gonna say it's gonna tell us and so this is what the wisest man in the history of the world says he says above all else and all this other stuff I've written down I've given you some real truths I'm giving you some things to think about them I'm the wisest man ever to live above everything else guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life what does that mean the wellspring of life here's what that means it means that everything else in your life comes out of your hearts desires you get that that what your heart seeks your body follows your life follows and so when your heart wants something right if you're not careful then all of a sudden your whole entire life is over there you feel that you want something in your whole life the trajectory of your life is following your heart guard your heart above all else where is the wellspring of life life Springs from it put away perversity from your mouth keep corrupt talk from your lips like your eyes look straight ahead fix your gaze directly before you make level pass for your feet and take only ways that are firm do not swerve to the right or to the left but keep your foot from evil so it directs the rest of your life and so what do we need to do the first thing that we need to do is to give our heart instruction okay I want you to give your heart instruction I want you to think about it like this your heart is like a GPS it is going to lead you it is it's going to tell you where to go but what is the first thing you have to do with the GPS you have to input your destination so you tell your heart this this inner working device this GPS inside of you you ultimately you tell it where to go you inform it and so what are the Proverbs before 23 you can mark this in your Bible the Proverbs before 23 it says hey this is the truth right it on your heart bounded around your heart do not forget these things I've told you this is the scripture the Holy Word of God and so you inform your heart with the truth of the creator of the heavens and the earth you set the destination in your heart you let your heart know hey this is where we're going and then it will direct you if you do not let it know where you are going it will lead you off a cliff men it will lead you off a cliff it's going to lead you but you've got to tell it where to go Woody Allen said when you had an affair with his wife's daughter the famous line the heart wants what it wants Woody Allen was right the heart does want what it's want when his relationship was soon you did not last long we know now that it's no longer existing evidently the heart didn't want it very long but that's that's how some of us think we think with our heart you know listen to your heart right I've got more of that and so I want I want to exhort you tonight do not let an uninformed heart direct you if you're not doing this God's Way I mean they're out this is cheesy but it's true if you're not doing it God's Way you're doing it the wrong way if you're doing it the world's way you're doing it the wrong way and so we've got to be kinda recalibrate our heart our GPS and say okay what is God's Way that's the way I'm committed to doing it he created everything he loves me he's real I'm going to be with him forever he's purchased me by the blood of His Son Jesus Christ and so I might as well do this thing the way that he wants he's like a loving dad so God what do you want how do you want me to do it and so you're telling your heart what to pursue if not your hearts going to tell you what to pursue you're either telling your heart what to pursue your heart is telling you what to pursue and the reality of it is is is what you feed your heart that's what it's going to lead you to okay this is truth now that I want I want you to hear this what you put in your heart what you feed your heart that is what is going to lead you to so if you're feeding your heart junk from the tabloids and gossip from the TV and junk from music I'm not trying to be legalistic now I'm just being honest with you if that's what you're feeding your heart that's what it's going to lead you to it's going to start saying hey that's familiar that's familiar that's what you want that's what you want you want him you want it that way that's it so going right that's what he's saying their hearts scream in that right it works like Netflix you guys got Netflix anybody love me some Netflix we don't have cable we just have Netflix and so here's what Netflix does is it smart this Netflix it knows what shows I like okay it sees what shows i watch and then it says hey here's some suggestions for you Jonathan and so what it does if you go on my Netflix what it suggests to you is Dora the Explorer and my little pony because that's what my little girls watch all day long right Dora they explore my little pony and so you go on and starts to suggesting so what happens right when I watched that documentary that was intriguing to me about pornography which I didn't watch but I was really tempted to say oh but here's what you want here's what you want this is what you want your heart works the same way when you feed it crap from the TV it's like this is what you want go after that that's what you want when you go on Pinterest and you start o lusting after a wedding dress you know that's what you want that's ultimate nervous laughter please no no elbows tonight no pointing okay and so don't let don't let it uninformed heart guide you but don't let a misinformed heart guide you either let me ask you this guys don't let a misinformed heart guide you can can a Christian be madly in love head over heels in love with someone who is no good for them let me ask it like this kind of Christian can I follow up Jesus be head-over-heels madly in love with a non-believer absolutely they can oh I've sat with them they have wept in my office you telling me why I can't why I'm not telling you anything to say Corinthians 6:14 it's in the scripture that's not me that's goddess the creator the heavens the earth he loves you by the way see that pain that you feel right now he's gonna pale in comparison to the pain that you feel when a loving God says hey don't do that he's not mad at you he's not angry at you he looks at you and he loves you and he says I want life for you I teach that when every single time I've taught that it's gotten me an angry email and so one of you guys will email me angrily and I'm just like what the messenger man it's black and white in the Word of God God loves you he's not trying to rip you off he's trying to save your heart okay he's trying to help you he he's trying to help you not be a statistic give you greater 50 and greater than 50/50 chance you ever felt like like soaked in the heart the heart wants what it wants sometimes are you ever feel like you're going the right way and then all of a sudden you're not feel like you're on track you know you're not you're not listening to GPS you're just going to drive in by your senses by your MO like I'm certain I'm going the right way and you lift you look up and you've been going like the the 180 degrees in the wrong direction only me you know this is what it's like we've got to follow something other than uninformed or misinformed heart proverbs 20:4 says put away perversity from your mouth keep corrupt talk far from your lips let your eyes look straight ahead fix your gaze directly before you make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm okay and so it's telling us the way that we should go the way that we should go but this idea of dating you're really trying to find someone you're trying to identify a person who you're willing to spend the rest of your life with and so what are those things that you're supposed to be identifying in them what are you you're looking for and so I'm supposed to guard my heart my heart I'm supposed to protect it I'm supposed to feed it healthy true so it knows what's to look for and so what should it look for well the scripture says and so my second point is protect your heart from people going the wrong way there's people all around you even this evening here who are going who are headed the wrong direction and you don't want your heart to latch onto one of them because if you do then they're going to pull you in the wrong direction they'll be driving down the wrong direction okay and so what are those things that we can can look at what I think there's three things directly from the scripture number one to speech number two their focus and number three where they actually physically go and so let's just talk about their speech for a second this is something that you would observe in them this is key guys this is key ladies okay their words are going to show you the contents of their heart it's going to show you the way that their GPS works this is straight from Jesus Christ himself Matthew 12 verse 34 says for out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks the words that come out of the mouth show display the content of their heart and so if they're angry right if they're constantly angry they got an angry heart right and so some of you some of you are here tonight and you're angry and the reason you're angry is because you're not married and it could be seen on you now you thought man I will never be 37 42 or whatever and single that's just not what I thought I didn't think this in the way it was good and so now you're angry maybe you're angry at God maybe you're angry at men maybe you're angry at women I don't know what you're angry at but I'd strongly suggest that you go to the Spirit of God and say what is it that you would have for me because I know James 1:19 says our anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires and so it's the great irony there is the reason you're not married is because you're angry that you're not married you know that's the thing that's keeping you single how do they talk to the gossip are they talking about others the person who's talking about others has nothing else to talk about and is not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with that they're showing you the contents of their heart are they honest are they truthful girls be honest okay like like I'm gonna say I'm gonna ask you a question I want you all to shout no okay ready would you like to go have coffee with me let's do it real loud like heartfelt ready one more time Oh excuse me beautiful say girl the very first time hey come here baby come here hey would you like to have coffee with me that's right you see how that works it's okay why that's good reason yeah it's good reason here's the deal know why I don't I'm not feeling that I'm not attracted to you your breath stinks I don't like that shirt you need to comb your hair you need to grow up you're not very God I don't know why whatever the reason is but it's not it's not because you got to change your sock drawer okay so help him along if there's a reason that he doesn't want that you don't want to be on a date with him right let him know so that that he you know somebody up maybe is something he can change something within his power are you just not feeling that Beach but I I feel like ladies like you feel like all of your authority and power has been taken away and you you've taken this word just submit which is in the Bible and I get it but you think that now that means you can't be honest and I want you to know you can be honest you don't have to be hurtful so don't hear me say that okay you don't have to be hurtful guys are like yes you don't have to be hurtful but you can be honest you know and you can be confident you can look them in the eyes with dignity and just say hey that's not where I'm at right now you know are you no don't say I'm not open to dating if you are I'm not I don't want to do that you just whatever honesty is that's what you can say okay there's nowhere in the scripture I searched for it there's no allotment in here to be anything less than honest okay I know that's crazy it's like why does he say to be honest I thought that's crazy no it's not it's just biblical it's just from the scripture guys be intentional amen so there's a weak amen well here's here's what that means okay immediately it may be obvious to you where you're at like you may be there on a date you know what Chuy's or whatever but she may not know that and so all you got to do is just kind of talk about where you're at hey it's good to be here with you on a date you know you try to you feel that cuz she's like lazy my friend the friend zone or what's going on is this like you're on a date like with your sister on a date or you know it's good to be here with you on a date at Chuy's you know and here we are you order the enchiladas I got the quesadillas great to be here with you on a date you know see because some of us we're doing this thing we like to call affectionately here foreign Dacian ships you know and here's what that is that's where you get all of the affirmation from the opposite sex that you need through a friendship and that's foolish it's not God honoring and it's hurtful because what you're doing you're thinking hey I'm well she's just a friend she no she's just a friend he know he knows she knows he's just a friend I don't mean just to pick on the guys he knows he's just a friend and he doesn't he's his hearts done drifted so you just hey this is where we're at this is what I'm doing this is where I'm headed I'm just being intentional not intent but intentional this is what's going on I want you to know hey this is where I see this going this is where this is the destination I have in mind this is where this isn't going I got to tell you this is where it stops whatever that is you guys can be honest with one another as you love each other brothers and sisters in Christ you can be honest with each other what that means is no games okay we we drop games in the sixth grade Romans twelve nine says love must be sincere what do I mean by games games are where you say or do something hoping to get something in particular in response if someone's playing games with you that's because they haven't outgrown that and they're probably not going to make a good wife or a husband okay what is a game a game is like when you hung up on somebody in the fifth grade hoping they call you back that's a game we don't play games love must be sincere we're honest we're just everything that comes out of here is evidence of here and that's just absolute truth that's what I teach my little girls just speak with absolute truth whatever the truth is the truth is always good enough the only reason to lie is because you think the truth isn't good enough and the truth is always good enough and so you can ask this question how do they talk to you do they build you up Ephesians 4:29 says do not let any unwholesome talk comes out of your mouth but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen do they benefit you this is whenever whenever we as our porch volunteers go somewhere and so every now and then we'll do a retreat at a lake house or something or we'll go somewhere and what we always start with is I just say hey we want to leave this place better than we found it and so what that means is we want to leave it cleaner than we found it everything in its place and we want to leave it better than we found it that's how you date when you date someone you want to leave them better than you found them okay like if they go and off to marry someone else then that person who they marry is going to be glad that they dated you how novel of an idea is that that's revolutionary okay let me say it again case you missed it you might have fell asleep okay if you date someone leave them better than you found them don't give them a bunch of baggage because they were around you like here hold my baggage you know and they're okay peace out no leave them better than you found them leave them more like Jesus than when you met them okay my friend said this this week she just she wrote this to me in an email this the girl I'm in community with she's married to my friend Marshall and she just says this I always told myself that if Marshall weren't to be my husband then I pray that I wanted to to help him become more like Christ more ready for his bride than before meeting me I didn't want to be on the list of the baggage he would take with him into another relationship I just read that I know how true is that that you would date someone in the way that you would treat them and build them up and point them to Jesus would leave them better than you found them I know that's really counterintuitive in Dallas but I promise it's right check out their focus so number one check out their speech - what are they focused on what is their what is their life looking at okay what are they feeding their hearts with this is important all has a nice effect uh I thought the rapture for a minute what are they feeding their hearts okay this goes back to the whole tabloid kind of gossip thing all of that stuff like I'll just tell you this I told you I like Netflix I was watching the show somebody recommended it I started watching Breaking Bad and hold the applause I knew I knew that would happen so I started watching Breaking Bad and I realized after a couple of episodes I realized it wasn't good for me Oh it's just not it just did something it did something to me and maybe not you you know maybe you're more spiritually mature than I am or or something right but where I was that it just wasn't good for me I kind of started walking around like feeling prideful I started thinking about words I don't usually think about in my vocabulary you know and I just kind of started feeling you're just just a little puffed out and at the same time a little dark there's kind of a dark cloud it's a dark show there's kind of a dark cloud over my heart I just realized what good for me I was taking in some stuff that was making my heart dirty and so you need to look at hey what are they focusing on what are they looking at you know this is going to cover things like pornography certainly like if they're if they're ingesting pornography like if that's you like I know that's a lot of you man you guys know a lot of you're here for the first time like that's a huge part of my story was a major porn addict it took it took years frankly of recovery I which I every day I hoped it would be today to be the day I never look at it again you know and like a dog to his vomit and so here's what I here's what I want you to know man if you're here and you looked at porn this month like that's a part of your life and I know ladies it's one in three of you I know that if that's a part of your life get help like raise your hand not now but later raise your hand and say hey I need help and and we're here to help you we want to okay we got this incredible thing called regeneration incredible things called community groups great pastors who would love to help you through that struggle but you need to get help okay before you pull someone into that struggle you need to heal from that struggle what are they looking at right what are they looking at Pinterest I said earlier you know it's funny the scripture says gaze directly before you so I think some of us like our problem is we're idolizing 10 years ahead the white picket fence and the husband who just got home from his firm and you know the cars and the dog and some of you are just like magic one breathing that's all if he just be breathing that'd be fine you know and I'm just telling you like stop look right ahead of you where am I at where do I want to be what's the next step that's the question what's the next step I can take I know ladies I know some of you feel really helpless I want to help you we we our staff our team our volunteers we want to help you hopefully you're going to leave with something tonight meaning wisdom not not necessarily a person hey you know where do they foots are focus on intimacy I know that's like some of us that's the destination like the desired destination I mean some of us here tonight the desired destination is not a healthy guide on our marriage like the desired destination is intimacy tonight and you're really going to hurt somebody like one day you're going to look in that rearview mirror and you're just going to see cars piled up on the road and you're going to realize that it's been your bad driving that's responsible for all that damage and before you do that like I as someone who that's a part of my story I just want to say hey get help now just say hey man I really like I don't know I think I love God but at the same time I really love doing this stuff over here and I need help okay I need help and so come up and talk to me you don't you don't have to to email just come up tonight or tomorrow or next Tuesday or whatever just come up and talk to us and say hey we need help in that way okay and so some of you you're here tonight and you feel like there's no hope for you because you know that that's a part of your story you're like man pornography check sex and intimacy check what's my hope you know when you go on your GPS and you start inputting an address and it tells you everywhere you've been like it has the whole history there you know your heart's kind of the same way like it shows you all these like that you know it reminds you you reflect back maybe you're trying to be a quiet time or be with God or something and you start thinking about all of this stupid stuff you've done but let me tell you something you know how GPS how it works when you start entering new addresses you know you start saying hey this is where I'm going this woman and all the sudden those old addresses they go out of the system your heart works similarly when you start going to new healthy places you start putting new truth in some of that old junk right goes away I'm not saying you never did those things you don't have to act like you didn't okay we used to have a new creation Jesus gave me a new heart God gave me a new heart that's not who I am that's who I was that's not who I am hey guys look it's not who I am so I was it's not who I am okay you can say that start going to those new different new destinations and so that's the third thing you watch okay number one their speech number two their focus and number three where they go straight from the scripture where do they go literally like where do they hang out with who do they hang out with okay where do they spend money that's going to show you what they're interested in let me just say it like plain as day like just pure logic if they party like the world it's cuz they're worldly you know if they go to worldly places it's probably because their worldly not godly so just be be aware like hey where are the places that they go you know who are they hanging out with if they're hanging out with a bunch of sinners and they're not Jesus right you know maybe right maybe that's their ministry and so don't email me on that you that's their ministry great I trust you but be wise who's it hanging out with I realize we're all hanging out with sinners because we're all sinners I know that and so here's the deal we're all headed the same way if you're here let me say like this if you're here and you've trusted in Christ for the forgiveness of sins you're going the same direction we're all headed to be with God forever and ever and ever and I know these like few years you're not married or these few years you want something or these few years or really you're really struggling through through purity and it's a battle every night it's a battle like one day you're gonna be with God forever and ever and ever like forever never never man forever and ever to the power of infinities will be incredible like gods and be there and Father Son and spirit is gonna be there and you're you know your great-grandma's gonna be there and you know that that neighbor who loved jesus is going to be there and some of your community group and you're all going to be there forever and ever and ever in these light and momentary afflictions they right right it's going to fade away so focus on that knowing the destination where you're going and so let me just say the last point tonight is just stay moving towards your destination stay moving towards your destination continue right now it's where am I where do I want to be what's the next step okay what's the next step what's the the sure footing the scripture says and so here's what I want you to know a lot of rules to dating there's not a lot of rules to dating love God with all your heart soul mind and strength and then date however you want you hear me if God is ultimate in your life like if he is the ultimate destination and you know if he's not I don't know but you know if he's not if you woke up this morning like Jesus I just want to be with you yeah I can't wait to open your word and and just walk with you and I want intimacy with you and you are ultimate they keep me away from the temptations of this world but I want to walk with you and it's not it was like today and yesterday and I'm not talking about like these momentary like slumps we fill in you know I'm talking about I love God with my whole life I don't want to do that what I love God that's where you're at they can then stay there and date however you want people ask questions like what about you know online dating her can a girl pursue a guy in this I don't know son say a lot about that like honestly in here there's not there's just not a lot about dating like like there's a little bit about marriage but it's not about dating it's about another relationship that's ultimate you're gonna be with him forever and ever and ever that's what's ultimate and so if you make that ultimate and date however you please I got no fear but if it's not ultimate and maybe even before you date before you consider dating you think about hey how do I make that ultimate like I want to change my life JP god I want to change my life I'm tired of this reckless driving I'm tired of beating my head against guardrails I'm tired of getting these dents in my ride I want to drive straight I want to go to him I'm tired of dating these fools these guys that hurt me I hate that that girl who's no good for me has my heart got oh I want to be right with you okay it's not a bunch of rules you-you-you follow you don't follow your heart you inform your heart and you tell it where it needs to go is there is there some some principles that you should listen to yeah but but to be really honest with you it's like when you're driving your own a driver's ed you know and you're there with the teacher and they got that steering wheel on their side too because they don't trust you in those brakes because they don't trust you no and you're sitting there and you're thinking through and there's some rules like there's some you know go 35 like some laws right go 35 miles an hour here why because there's some idiots that would drive a hundred miles an hour through a school zone with kids right and so that there has to be laws to protect some folks right but the reality but nobody she's never sitting there and as she's going through the things that you need to attend into you know and look ahead of you never said hey and by the way there's some trees on the side of the road don't hit those okay right because everybody's like yeah of course I'm not getting like who she's like whenever you're driving straight whatever you don't jerk the wheel into an oak tree you think yeah why would I do that that's kind of the same things to dating like there's like these big principles that are that are a little obvious hey don't do that if you don't do that you're gonna be fine I'll give them to you real quick and I know we're over I'll give them to you real fast okay and so so one be honest and intentional I said that be honest with yourself like where are you at right like what's going on yeah you know if you want a 23 year old supermodel who reads Greek and serves the poor and loves football you know make sure that you're looking in the mirror and you know where you're at be honest be honest with yourself don't look at anyone not actively pursuing Christ okay that's the wrong way don't look at anyone not actively running hard after Jesus is second Corinthians 6:14 do not be unequally yoked with non-believers what did light and darkness have in common that's a loving God trying to save you some grief man he is trying to help you for what do righteousness and wickedness have in common or what fellowship can light have with darkness pursue absolute purity don't hit that tree of course pursue I'm not married of course for security of course you know K what can I know get married okay what about this is how far as too far don't get put a put a ring on the finger that's not too far okay do that find someone who loves Jesus and married them that's what's frustrating about this talk these there's people that are like hey what are the tips and tricks you know I want to know how to date and really what you need to hear is like manage is not a place where you should and then there's folks that like man I've heard the tips and tricks and the the talks I'm listening to so many Danny talks on what you need to hear is get married it's time if that's what you want but go find someone who loves Jesus and you're like JP but but I'm a girl and I'm waiting for some guy you know and I get that guys stop being idiots I love you but man it's game time okay I mean that the most affectionate way okay I mean that because I love you but I'm serious if you're a guy here and you love God with all your heart soul mind and strength you're running after him look and find someone in this room who loves God of the opposite sex with all their heart soul mind and strength and put a ring on it that's good advice I promise you're like no that's bad advice it's not bad advice okay you know there's it just says in 27 do not swerve to the right or the left but keep your foot from evil I mean here's the deal like I wrote that blog you know ten things to look for in a guy ten things to look for in a woman you can check that out on our website but but I just said it and you know number ten it's like hey if you get this then one through nine is taken care of and that's how I feel about dating like if they have that if they have number ten like if they're pursuing Christ with their whole hearts and their whole lives like all that other stuff it's going to be okay there is no compatibility among sinners that's us you and me there's no such thing as compatibility among us there just isn't that we're not compatible we're two selfish people coming together determined to be unselfish towards each other that's the reality okay and so inform your heart with truth consider who you are interested in and keep moving towards your destination right GPS consider your GPS right tell it where to go the other day I was um I was driving back from being at my parents over Christmas my parents live like six hours south of here and so six like compute this for me six hours in the car three kids and my wife my wife that's a good part but three kids you know one of those kids is a brand-new one a baby infant he's there and so six hours in the car with them and and he's getting restless and really at about this time so I'm pulling into Dallas and it was like the best thing ever because everyone had fallen asleep and I got for Christmas I got these these beats like earphones and and so I'm listening to Shane and Shane actually and into an album I just download and I'm just in there and I'm just worshiping like everybody's sleeping and I'm just yeah you know I want to yearn for you and it's worshiping and uh and I'm pulling into Dallas after six hours like it's this beautiful glow of the Dallas skyline I see the ball the reunion tower and I see the the Bank of America building in the green neon I'm driving by that giant giraffe at the Dallas Zoo and I'm headed and this is a drive I've I've made this drive hundreds of times literally when I moved to Dallas I dated Monica and Waco and so I made this drive so many times hundreds of times and so here I am I'm almost home and I'm worshiping I got my earphones in everybody's sleeping like it's the greatest thing ever and I hadn't we haven't been home for a week now we've been gone and so I'm just like yes and so I'm driving and I'm worshiping and I'm driving and I'm worshiping and uh I'm driving and I'm driving and I'm driving now look up I'm like Cabela's what I've never even seen that cabela's before you know how high-cost just happen and I leave it says you are now leaving Keller I'm like Kelly where is Keller it is that in Texas you know and and Monica wakes up and she's like what are you doing I'm like go back to sleep I'm like did you know they put a Cabela's over here you know I just wanted to see if it was open it's closed uh but uh yeah it she's like where are we I don't know uh and I said okay I'm gonna need your help you know she gets out her iPhone you know put in her address 76 19 you know it's like okay an hour and 23 minutes from my house I know I didn't tell the story up front or to lost all credibility around I think an hour and 23 minutes out of the way I took us an hour in 23 minutes and I'm like okay but here's the deal okay like I'm done I'm done trying to feel this thing out like take me home I'm like baby you got it you got it we're ready let's go we're in that car together she's navigating she's listening to the GPS she's telling us where to go we know we're going to the same direction the same destination we're driving the same pace her and I you know and we're going we're both running towards home and that's you right that's what you're doing right there you got these stops along the way but but if you're here you've trusted in Christ you're running home you're going home find someone going home with you not not tonight find someone headed to that same destination you know that like like with all of like all of them not not some of their life not half their heart but all of them right say hey man listen let's navigate these waters together let's go that's right okay let me pray you father the things I said that we're not of you erase them please God father the things that I said that we're consistent with your your spirit and your character and who you are the the exegesis of your word and in the truth from your scriptures made alive to us by the power of your spirit Lord I pray they would stir in our hearts and our minds father that we would know what they are that we would yield to them I know there's folks frustrated right now but he didn't address I know God would you what you just would you remind them of the truth they need to hear you know that would you would you in your sovereignty move in and feel the voids that my teaching leaves father would you stir our hearts and our minds around the truths we need to hear you got would you make us new there's some folks tonight they just need to be made new or thank you for the way you made me new and others in my life new and it's pretty to make them new that your spirit would make them new you would mind them how much you love them through Christ we sing to you now hope that I have for you is like I don't care how far off the path you are you can return to it right now just going to God can form this conform this wretched device in me to that of your son give me a new one to pursue the things that you desire for me because God you're a holy and a good and amazing God and you desire good things for your children and so I pray that this thing in all of us would pursue the things of you help us God to reprogram our broken GPS devices father give us new ones that work what help us to set the destination on you and yet I do I want you to leave it with that hope where here you have whatever you look behind you there's broken cars and maybe you're just the person here that knows that you want something that's not available to you so bad just go to that heart yeah how would you reprogram it father would you give me a new one would you set it on you and return to the path and walk one foot in front of the other towards him okay if we can help you do that we want to we have this deal tonight called open community group and so if you're here and you're just like man I just need some friends who are believers okay and particularly yeah I'll just I'll start there if you are looking for some friends who are believers it's a community you're committed to that idea or you want to hear a vision on it you want to hear what it is then then guys you can go to this room right here right through this doors you can walk forward and then go through that room as soon as we're done here and girls you can go through that door right there and there's a glass room right there this be full of other girls who are saying hey I'm looking for some friends looking for community some full of some guys over here they're saying hey I'm looking for some friends who are looking for community and our community teams going to be in there to talk with you through that also if you have these questions like man II didn't cover my quest one we got two weeks left - we have the Google+ hangout tomorrow we're going to broadcast that on the internet and so I think it's at 9:00 what time is it 11:30 but then also we're going to record it and so it will be online and so you can tweet your questions in to us or put them on Facebook and we'll we will do our best to cover those questions in that interview tomorrow now I love you guys I hope you know and understand that I hope more than that you know if you don't know that I love you know that God does he's crazy about you and He desires good things for you okay so going peace to love and serve the Lord

Channel: The Porch

Views: 12,422

Rating: 4.8994975 out of 5

Keywords: watermark, watermark community church, jonathan pokluda, theporch, porch, cupid, dating series, dating advice, relationships

Id: a5ws3Hlgz9I

Length: 49min 34sec (2974 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 25 2013