Dating After 60, Find True Love at 70: How To Fall In Love Again

hey what is up everyone today we're gonna talk about finding new love and new relationships and sex in your 70s I'm recent Morimoto your host and you're watching modern aging when we chat about innovative and holistic ways to care for one another as we age make sure you click on that little red button below that says subscribe on it and that little Bell so you'd be sure to be notified whenever new episodes are uploaded could always sign up on to our email list at this is modern aging calm Mona Cretan is my boss from my NYU days back then she was like fiercely independent she was a happily single woman she was single actually for 35 years until she turned 77 when she decided that she wanted a man in her life nowadays she's still fiercely independent but she's happily coupled with her boyfriend Paul our conversation is surprisingly fun and poignant and full of lessons for anyone who's looking for love no matter what your age so check it out today in our 70s how awesome is that it's pretty good that you're doing it now because soon it's not going to be in the 70s anymore okay so why don't we before we like kind of get into the Nitty Gritty tell me I mean Mona we've known each other for a very long time but why don't you tell me a little bit actually so where you're from and then also in terms of like your relationships right in your life when it comes to relationships I haven't had many as you know you know you knew me during my dry spell which lasted 35 years and [Music] I started seeing thinking about and Singh men again in 2017 when I was 77 and I went out with somebody for six months to sort of learn how to do it to date to date yeah and then I met him so you've never been married I have been married oh right that's right you marry her for six years and your 20s and when I in my 20s yeah and never been married and after that I never really got in nothing to speak of in terms of men and what about your relationships that you've had in your life well why is it that funny well I I grew up in the 60s and I think that was the love peace and brown eyes time and I do into the 70s which was the drugs and sex and rock and roll in the 60s I lived in New York in the 70s for the most part I lived in San Francisco oh wow people say what was it like and the answer was if you can imagine it it happened of course the other thing is that if you remember it then you weren't there so it was a lot of fun I can't remember think about it no no that's that's not necessarily true but yes I I was married twice first time for 14 years the second time for 25 years oh well so then what so what happened like what spurred I mean I know that you were interested in finding somebody yeah and you were specifically looking for love you weren't looking necessarily just for companionship no I liked every time people would say to me oh you really you really should you know bring a man into your life you know you've got you're getting older and you're gonna need a companion I used to get like what are you talking about you know I thought how people refer right yeah I hated word even and and I have a lot of friends and what do I need companionship you know silly I wasn't looking for marriage and I wasn't looking for love and I wasn't looking for any of that I just wanted to have some male energy and I also like the idea that when you go out with a man you get dressed up and that's fun and you go to nice places that or get dressed up with your girlfriends yeah I did I guess dressed up for anything yes but there's something about going out on a date that you sort of so you know there's always that little titillation and you never know and what if and all of that but and it's pretty much the same as it doesn't matter how old you are absolutely the first date is the first air state is a first date so my girlfriend and I get off the ferry and Fire Island and he's standing there and I take a look at cuz I'm now conscious and I'm looking so I take a look I'm looking so I look for him oh you're there yes he's standing there you are kidding me I thought you guys met online oh so what happened is I looked at him and I went back and then he turned to me put out his hand he said hi I'm Paul we shook hands hi Mona and I when I took my hand away I said wow he really has a nice smile and that was that and then later in the afternoon as I was speaking with my girlfriend asking how his sister was doing you know because she just lost her husband etc she says oh by the way that guy that was standing there she said she said that's her brother he came and he spent the summer with her and I said wow that's a very nice thing to do where is he from and she said to son so I went oh and then she said to me and you know what he does and I said no what does he do and she said to me he's in the marijuana business I said why do we have them over for drinks this after now you all understand the relation so it turns out he wasn't growing or selling marijuana it wasn't that but he wasn't he isn't it was it is my point you're a part of this story anyway he came over with his sister for drinks the two of us were like pop and when we left she said my girlfriend said to me oh my god she says you two should be together the energy between you was like this and it was did you have those intentions of like I have no intentions what's up oh yeah okay actually I was I had a partner at that time and she was there oh wow but she didn't come over oh so why don't you continue to tell this to it this happens all the time it's really not possible so were you attracted to her of course it worked I don't know that if I was attracted to her but I was extraordinarily comfortable with her I mean I knew that we were on the same quote wavelength but it's very easy for I mean you live in Tucson you live in New York it's very easy to say goodbye and never see each other right like it takes it took you guys a huge effort to get together well but I knew one thing I mean I I really wasn't looking for anything I mean I was happy in your other relationship not necessarily but I'm very comfortable in relationships I mean I sort of fit in and it's it's okay and you know I had just opened a new business and my well my energy was devoted to it so it was okay and okay is okay if that's what you're looking for so I really didn't think about this too much except when we went to say goodbye everybody's very huggy on fire are you very demonstrative Oh why are you guess whatever and I went to say goodbye in harbour and the hold I got from her was not a hug goodbye it was a hug alone and that was like you know we did have a really really nice conversation what is she just like just grab onto you for a second so and then a few weeks later I was back in Fire Island and her sister came over his sister came from for dinner that night at my friend's and at one point she said to me so what do you think of my poly and I said I like your poly very much I said the problem is he's with someone so what's the point and that was that until one day I got a text he contacted me and said well you know he's gonna be in New York for a couple of days and would I be willing would I go out to dinner with him and so we made a date for two two nights in a row the first night that we went out we went out for dinner and he's a very touchy-feely guy and I on the other hand and very don't touch me unless I've given you a signal it's okay and we had like we already had the signal but I didn't know about that I wasn't aware that I had done that and we were sitting at a corner table and he kept on touching me like my knee my shoulder might be and just like I'm doing now and they're not quite but then and then when we left the restaurant he tried to kiss me and I really like I said no and then he tried again and I said I said no and I said and then I got so flustered that I said let's walk a little before we take a cab to my back to my place and as we were walking he said I owe you an apology gee and I said what for and he said I shouldn't have done that and that's when I knew this guy really is okay he gets it and that wanted to use it but that's part of your strike but that but that you know that was that the second night the second date he came over to my house we had a seven o'clock reservation he was through with whatever he was doing it five he came over to my house and we were sitting at my counter and talking just talking and after a while I got I was listening to his stories about his past because they are quite colorful but after a while it's enough I said is there anything you'd like to know about me because that's always a telling sign right right and he said yes and I said what would you like to know and he said everything and I went I mean did you mean it I always when I say something yeah that's your Brooklyn up ring yeah yeah he and then we started then we started really talking and I discovered I went oh my god I know you you're a Jewish businessman thing that's the way I was brought up I was brought up in that kind of a home and you know a business oriented that's what my father did it was always business you know he would bring it home with him it what you know you know I felt so comfortable with him that it made a big difference that's huge yeah right yeah having a relationship in your 70s how is that different than like starting a relationship in your 30s or our forties I guess good point but it's very different it's warming you're more mature you're you know you're not as like Willy call won't he call if he calls then he calls why he called it you know you don't you're not doing that as much baloney baloney baloney baloney because cuz you still if she continues talking she'll tell you about that's exactly the way that she was thinking what do you mean like there's he gonna call or write when is he gonna call yeah yeah what happened is it good well yeah but what happened was the next day yeah there's yeah the next day he he left he was going to a conference in in Las Vegas the next day and he sent me a text only at 11 o'clock that night and here we had had these two dates together and I was saying I said god damn it again will he call won't he call if he calls when it clear why he calls he calls why is this going on this is ridiculous and and then he sent me a text little did I know this is a part that's amazing he had fallen and broken his patella ooh so you can imagine he was in a lot of pain that night that day that night and at 11 o'clock at night despite this accident he texts me and says how much he enjoyed himself and what what did you say I enjoyed something I I have it I have it that how much he enjoyed meeting with me and I responded by saying because I was already angry for it so I responded by saying I enjoyed meeting you too however I don't appreciate the conflict this puts me in because he was with a woman hmm you know I mean this was just we were just we just went oh god you worried dude you were dude I don't Playa even in you know there was something that was there that was missing in my relationship and you know you can say oh for something but once you see it again then you know when you know what you've been missing yeah and I had a lot of relationships I've many and this it fell you know I was felt very comfortable with it very comfortable do you feel like a lot of the feelings are the same like when you feel like you're starting to fall in love and you know the butterflies and the EIU man yeah he's saying no I mean they're the same except that I'll tell you how I really feel this is probably the greatest gift I've ever been given to have this I mean it is love or are you talking about Mona but with Mona trying to laugh that much how bad could it be we laugh all the time yeah we're always laughing even when we fight we laugh oh I have to get some of that yeah the fighting I think yeah yeah we can't fight too long yeah we can't we just can't we both we won't let it because neither one of us want that we want something else and when you really want something and you understand that in life and my expression is this if nobody died what's the difference but what's the big deal and that's what it is you know these these little things that turn into these big things but I just had this thought right now a lot of it has to do with our age we don't have time you know we don't know we don't know how long this is gonna last but that's but we know but we know that it's gonna last forever for us that's the way we feel is whatever our forever is today is unbelievable all the time because this long and they think we can go through this but we're committed to each other on a daily basis well you have a ring I know we have commitment first it was a friendship ring and now it's a commitment ring that's pretty exciting yeah I know I know I get really sappy yeah he does he's a wuss yeah you know what's good especially if you're a guy right yeah well I'm you know I'm not the average guy he's not that you can't handle the average gun nope I can't no I don't have the patience yeah or that we look at things like if nobody died what's the big deal and I think the thing that makes that easiest is number one we're old only realize there's only so much time left and we don't have time to waste and the second thing is how grateful we are for being given this yeah it's pretty magical that stops everything and so you can go from all the [ __ ] yeah just like that it's it's so silly yeah yeah we put we're we're very child I would say childlike but I mean childish yes we're great though and you were saying how great that we're really not allowed to be that way yeah it respects right and there we are because you don't say any think the people who are our age that's right nobody says act your age yeah I'm bad you don't like it see you later so a lot of people have dramatic relationship changes right in midlife let's say from 50 60 where they're you know whether it's a divorce or whether it's you know spouse dies or whatever where they're just like I can't think about getting into another relationship mm-hmm what do you say to people like that I mean or it's too late like I'm never gonna find somebody but that's that's what first of all that had a lot to do with I mean it didn't take a short amount of time for us to really come for the fact that this is really well we both that are one I mean there were a lot of ups and downs and I mean I kept saying because I had seen this in other couples I said look remember the story that I told you about this couple where her husband died and she didn't know what she was gonna do and she found this other person in the description that my sister gave him or that she said was you know the marriage was wonderful it was a wonderful life and it ended at dinner and I just got the dessert nice a nice and that was it yeah it's like you have to be ready to get this and if you realize that that's what your whole life has been it's been a trip getting you ready for the rest and then this is the rest and we're giving this I mean this is the time that we have when were free we've created ourselves we work we've done everything and now it's time to enjoy yes also yes and win response to your question cuz don't forget I went through a metamorphosis I went from I'm not interested who needs it men to wanting to bring a man into my life there's a whole different thing just because you want a man or you want a relationship that doesn't mean anything you have to have to be open to it and these people who say oh you know I'm never gonna find anything that by definition of course because if you're out looking like this but if you're receptive to it I think it comes to you because let me tell you in those 35 years it wasn't because I wanted to be without a man it was that I could never I never connected with a man you know in retrospect why do you think I do you think it was you I know it was me I absolutely don't lose me you don't oh I knew her in 1993 all people come to that point especially if you experienced life where you're a little skittish about things because you've learned to be guarded because of things that have happened to you and you you have all this previous history that you have to dispel and then it's a lot yeah it is a lot of baggage people bring and I think that the big thing that brought us over the hump is we both had trust and the other person that this was it this was going to be seasoned romantic one and you love it I love you I think I think that a lot of it has to do with how you feel about yourself if you feel okay with yourself then and you're open something can happen but if you're constantly putting yourself down as many including myself would do we're always looking at our faults and what's wrong with me and all of that there's no room for anybody else because you're so involved where's your you only have room for the wrong people right oh well we know about that too right right so I think that also has something to do with it yeah when you get to that place in yourself that you know who you are and you're okay with that then everything else just comes along it's true so how long did it take you to go from texting from Tucson to New York to then actually getting together it took as almost 10 months yeah but you got to be friends well no we saw each other after I said this is I don't like the conflict this is putting me in I didn't hear from him again and then but I couldn't stop thinking about him and the next thing you know when I was in California that in March so I had not seen him since November he I got a text from him saying would you like to have dinner tonight and I said you realize I'm in Berkeley and he wrote back yes I'm on my way there at the I'm at the airport on my way there now he had business business business yeah business and then after dinner we went back to the place I stay in when I'm there and we just sat and talked and that's when I said Tim you are with a woman you sit over there don't try to kiss me don't try to touch me the best that can happen it's which should be French and he said ok and we had a great evening together and then when he left we hug goodbye and he had a pride my hopes so she wasn't she wasn't interested the next morning the phone rings oh it's 7:00 in the morning like it's Mona Singh how would you like to have breakfast sure yeah so we had breakfast together the next morning I met him in his hotel and we had breakfast and then that was it that was it he called me in May and he said I can't stop thinking of you and I said to myself I feel the same way Wow so when he asked if we took a movie yeah he was so when he asked if we could get together I thought about it and I said you know what I feel the same way and in the meantime I'm knowing what's going on with him and his the woman he's with because the sister in the end my friend are [ __ ] things up so I knew that something you know so I said ok and that's when it started we had our first tryst in June in June that year that was 2018 and we've been together ever since so let me ask you then because we actually talked about this a little bit so sex in your 70s at this point I thought what there's like I thought that when you're going out with an older guy they don't want it as much well I don't know about this guy because he's like a teenager and it's impossible the sex I to be honest with you I have no libido I have no desire I'm not interested but somehow he knows how to get me going and then I'm a wild woman so oh so he doesn't believe me when I say leave me alone but I love I love lying in bed with him and cuddling and I love that I love it it's wonderful but the sex yeah hey tell her I don't want it she doesn't want it this is this is this is how she is when we have sex [Laughter] yes wanted but she says he's very good at giving multiple orgasms Wow Paul yeah good for you so I'm pretty amazed like it is this is what makes the biggest difference because when you're younger you just gratifying yourself interesting and when you're older you really want to gratify the person that you're with and it's completely different that's really interesting yes yes and you are very they don't enjoy mine nevermind but sue but they're functionally biologically your bodies are different now yeah they were when they were when you were 30 right exactly so well for some men yeah but very different for him too yeah but that's you find different ways you know things weren't very well yeah that's what's great right I think that's like the secret that people don't enjoy sex in their 70s or past 60 or whatever it may be batteries just give up now and what if you think it's that's gonna be the case you might as well just give up and down because it's not you think that's not true the sex is like over the moon I mean but it's exhausting it's exhausting yeah we're gonna see early I've often I finally figured out that the best way for me that you know because because it is exhausting cuz it's a lot of work cuz it just goes on and on and on it's what I do what I do is I'd like you still like it wouldn't I have a free afternoon that I don't have to worry about oh I have to do this or I have to do that so that's see the difference yeah I don't care what she's worried about but the point is is that at nighttime you know like it's late in it you know I just wanna go I wanna go to sleep you know that we sleep very well together oh I love sleeping with him that's all yeah he's Oh yummy to sleep first of all he has a body temperature that is always hot that's looks like good or about it's no it's it's so good you know to curl up against something warm plus we have to sleep with the window I don't get ya know it's very nice what would you say is something that you kind of that you know now that you kind of wish you knew then everything I mean but that's life and you can write I think what do I know now about your body isn't about war I'd like to know more but you know it we're muddling through I don't I don't have that I think though that one of the pieces it wasn't all lalala oh no not at all not at all it was very bumpy very bumpy for a long time and it only it's only since September this past September that things have been what happened well I do think it's a major cause of being so bumpy me that it was like I was very it's like come come here because I just enjoyed being with him etc and then it was go away okay please go away the best way to explain that was it was their past yeah it was very interesting because I couldn't understand it first I would thinking like oh you know go away it's enough you know because he was so loving and attentive and I was feeling this mother I was because you hadn't been in a relationship and it was maybe I felt rejected because she couldn't accept it yeah that's yeah and that that's that's very important to know it's not it's not easy and I think the the the most amazing thing was is that one time I remember this at what everything we were everything was wonderful lovey-dovey etc and then he hugged me and I got totally turned off and that time I realized that it had nothing to do with him it's not about him and always so needy and he sewed this and he's so bad this is me because there was no reason for it nothing I might be my therapist made herself available to me on a 24 it's during this period because I was crazy and and she she's fabulous and so we had a conversation immediately immediately you know when he went away because I said go away and I said I don't understand what's going on she said tell me did anybody ever treat you that way and the minute she said that I remembered that I had had there was one man the only man in my life that I really I would have married him I would have had his kid I was crazy for him and he dumped me he did exactly what I was doing to him he was doing to me come here go away come here go away come here go in a minute I would go away and I'd finally get him out of my system there he would be back again and when I realized that that was what was happening it was like oh my god I don't want to do that I remember what that felt like I don't want to do that to anybody and it made all the difference in the world because it was like it's like a battered child it was I was like abused by him and I was abusing him but the minute I understood it I didn't have to do it anymore well now that's romantic she that's an advantage to being older it's to be able to do that to be able to get it like that you weren't getting recognized yeah you wouldn't be able to get that one it being young either she's leaving one thing yeah what did I told it the same things it's months before but she wasn't ready and on the other hand you know I I knew that I had left I loved her and it got to the point where I said look this when we had this when all of this occurred they said I can't do this anymore the pushing and the honking come here go yeah I am I can't do this I don't care how much I love you I love myself more I'm not gonna get beat that and so we went to a couples therapist we saw her two or three times five times I sort of I'm a you saw her by yourself but I I remember seeing her three times but the point was that the most important thing for me was if we were going to be a couple he had to know that when I needed my space I needed my face he wasn't getting that from me but when she said to him you have to understand that when she needs her space you have to leave her alone and he got it and then it's been fine why was it that she had to say it and not hearing it from Mona was it just a third person yeah I needed someone else to say you're a little overbearing instead of well you don't just don't want my life right so right and she said that and I said okay I'll give that a shot and so I used to call her every morning and I stop corner and they're like why aren't you calling me no no I like it I like it that he doesn't call me as often I don't know being arraigned I'm happy being alone to see everybody says oh if you break off with him you won't be happy what are you talking about I was very happy I have a very full life I have a lot of friends I'm busy I travel I do so it's not it's not a terrible thing if I don't have him but but you know really I you know but when we're alone when we're not together I'm very happy not to be not together and when you're together you're very happy very happy to be together yeah oh and that's what I wanted to say this man is very unusual because most men are not interested in process women process men do not this man knows how to process so when we run into something like this he's the first one to say let's talk about it in fact he actually recently said to me enough of this calling our therapists what happens if they're not there anymore we have to do it together and we've been doing that together so when there's something going on with me eventually I talk about it that's very key that week that he's he's a process a lot of that is what I said before is trust we don't see any problem that's so big that we can't work through can you imagine who'd have ever thought I keep on saying what did I do right in my life to deserve this because I just can't understand that something like it's like a gift whoever thought at this age to meet somebody and fall in love how amazing though it's amazing it's amazing what do you want people to walk away with I want them to know that this is possible it's all worth and it's worth it and to be open to it happening because it's the best thing ever yeah children whatever whatever right you don't have to live through your children all right okay and a lot of people do that that's what happens yeah you want to live together yeah and you have the opportunity go for it yeah I think really not to go not to start tearing yourself down I'm not good enough which is what a lot of women do we waste a lot of years doing yeah we waste a lot of years doing that it's like all your dreams can come true he's also very corny and that's what we are we have conversations like that all the time not like just and we laugh hysterically and people think we're nuts and what awesome it's so much fun but they also and it's amazing that you like we we go in a bus or a train and people look at us and they're smiling yeah because it's like we its exude we exude it which is it's a powerful energy lover it is very powerful energy yeah makes me a little nervous to be talking about it like this because what you know I'm also a glass half empty kind of person two glasses [Music]

Channel: Modern Aging - Holistic Health & Wellness After 50

Views: 394,320

Keywords: dating over 50, dating over 60, dating for seniors, senior dating sites over 60, senior dating sites, love after 60, love after 60 years old, love after 60 years, finding love after 60, love after 50 tips, find love later in life, finding love in later years, love over 50, falling in love after 50, love after 50 years old, love after loss of spouse, love after loss, love after 70, finding love after 70, dating after divorce, find love again, dating after 60

Id: MvLxNJHgpjA

Length: 39min 21sec (2361 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 13 2020