Dating Success Over 60, Finding Love at 70: Rules on Finding Love Later in Life

[Music] hi I'm Risa Morimoto and welcome to the modern age where we chat about changing the way we think about aging and caregiving in order to create a life full of choice comfort and dignity in our later years my siblings my husband and I have been caring for our parents for over 17 years mom had a stroke and now has Parkinson's and dad has dementia with all the years of stress and managing their care I realize how much of our current system is failing us and just broken the fact that you can go completely bankrupt because you get sick is unacceptable or that we have to feel like we live in an institution because we need assistance with daily living it's so many of us are so vastly unprepared to protect ourselves from this fate and to be honest we're better at avoiding these difficult life discussions than facing them head-on so we can improve the way we age so on the modern age we're going to talk to experts will educate us so that we can make better and more informed decisions about the way we and our loved ones want to age but we're also going to have some fun along the way to kick off the series I want to talk about something that brings us joy and that's love I used to work at NYU for many years and my first boss was Mona Creed and she was polished organized always had her act together and was always single for I known her after I left it while you we completely lost touch in fast-forward 20 years we recently had dinner and got to catch up with her and her BFF Daisy Sola Mona's now 77 she told me about her new loves her new dating adventures her sex life Daisy was there to help coach her through the new dating phase I wanted to sit down with both of them and talk about what it's like to look and find love in your seventies [Music] [Laughter] long time since 1994 2003 I was taking Pilates at the Pilates studio my teacher was leaving and they recommended that I work with Daisy Daisy was a just starting her professional practice and I figured oh okay because it's not gonna be his expense right he's sure she came up to me she guessed you're not gonna be as expensive so here we are so I remember working together you were single happily single happily single I'm still happily single with some benefits benefits are always good so what happened so you weren't dating when we knew each other no I only just started to date about a year and a half ago No 77 nine and 1990s stopped dating when I had one of those horrible experiences that women have because they don't know how to express themselves properly and I said to myself when I left that man's house I said I will never do this again and I didn't sit around 75 yet that's when it happened uh you know I don't know you know I always tell this story when people asked me because it's true that when I was in my forties I went to an astrologer and I said what is there ever gonna be a man in my life and she looked at my chart and said well I'm not sure she said I think probably not until you're in your 70s so what she said that I just said the hell with it and I just walked away forgot about it right right in a way in a way well the thing was I said like from Fort you know when you're near 40 70 is very far away and I you know and I really was tired of the really wanting you know wanting it longing for it and it just wasn't happening I wasn't meeting man it just wasn't happening so what happened I have no idea all I know is that just I decided that I wanted to bring a man into my life totally she comes up to me and says things you know I mean we've been talking for you know more 18 years of chat you know you know while you're doing what you're doing this and she says you know I'm missing something and the DynaVox started that way I'm missing something it's like I need a masculine energy in my life and this is where it really began yes I'm looking for a masculine energy and I'm looking for friends who can be and they don't have to be romantic but I just want that energy right because I think it's gonna it's gonna help me grow you know help me help me you know further me right and actually what happened is that after I left NYU which was you know totally heterosexual probably many other things too but after I left my you I got into the what I call the woman's business everything I was doing had to do with women you know women's trips to the Middle East went you know the transition network and that's all women women over 50 so there were no man in my life so and not you're right that's what it was it was like I need some male energy it was like enough with the women as much as I love the women you know what was that moment where you're like you know what I need bailout energy but you know what I need a little bit more oh that didn't happen right away no no it was a conversation about it and actually they weren't you serious yeah so that's why it took a while to get it going you know not having done it and then I went online and that was pretty disastrous and funny no definitely funny and disastrous that's the best part of being online there's the stories you can tell your girlfriends afterwards but there wasn't that I mean honestly you know 22 years for pre got very pre online dating well I think it was a conversation that we started but it was a conversation that I was having people and you know within her circle of women many of them were turning to online dating you know and how do you do it well and and everyone talks about how do you how do you do it well you know and so so then it was a conversation we started talking about and it happens that you know friends of mine have done quite a bit of it and it's always about the shell you know you present yourself in a way that is attractive to others and that led to kind of some shenanigans about taking portraits and you know how do you how do you pitch the idea that you're really ryaba land and and motor tribes were really good to stop I mean really give a credit for really immersing herself and making an effort well you know it's really funny because it actually goes counter to what everything that you think of regarding women and hair but I decided to stop coloring my hair which is strange right because you know I wasn't looking to look younger that wasn't what it was about so there was some kind of a physical manifestation of a makeover right I was I was letting my hair go back to gray I Daisy has a friend that I write I call it The Girl From Ipanema walk when I would walk down this street because you know in the past whenever we be going anywhere on a plane honor this is that and a man would look at me I would immediately look away so one of the things that I realized was that I needed to make eye contact I mean I know that anyway but I wasn't doing it with men and so I had the Ipanema walk like I would hum that to myself as I walked down the street and I would smile even at the bus drivers that everybody in anybody because and make eye contact so I was just practicing that with anybody by just doing them probably probably and no in a good way because once I once I made up my mind that I was going to do it it took two weeks in a minute God first of all I started to put on just I mean I don't wear a lot of makeup even when I'm wearing makeup but I started to wear a little bit of makeup when I went out I started you know usually when I'm going out with my women friends I don't bother dressing up I started to dress as if I was going out on a date even if it was with a woman friend and I still do that because it's fun you know it it makes a big difference it makes a big difference when you you know because then your were you you know like you think about your hair you think about how you look put on a little you know a little liner and you know and it just makes a big difference the way you stand the way you walk no no it was just something I did it was not happening simultaneously so yeah I wasn't a big deal I seen one two three times a week on average and so I'm watching this thing go from you know yeah I'm gonna pay more attention to the smiling because people say I'm going to stern and you know when I'm gonna I'm gonna shake my ass a bit when I walk and and you know and I'm gonna speak to men no matter who that yeah I will speak to them no matter who they are because remember Mona was looking for an energy not necessarily a mate that's very true that's very true yeah because quite honestly even when we were working together though mm-hmm you're always nicely dressed you had your hair colored I don't think no one ever saw a gray in your head no ever no you always had to manicure you always had your Medicare I still do but that's what I mean like you always took care of yourself yes yes yes so surprised no I not even want no and I always took care of myself but there's a difference between taking care of yourself in terms of just taking care of yourself in terms of taking care of yourself in terms of putting yourself out there it's a big difference and it's consciousness it's being conscious that that's what you want because I mean I always wanted it but I wasn't ever conscious of it the first date you mean on the online thing after two weeks oh that wasn't online that was a guy on that and we ended up dating for six months and it was great in what way was she different was she yeah she's making out with a guy now and going to he's such a great kisser yeah he was he's a great kisser and they were sharing a lot of you know that first moment when you're dating someone and you really want you want to be just physically close to each other so they were sharing that and and that's very intense he said what would you say so you're 77 right there's probably a lot of there are a lot of myths around being 77 that you don't really have any sex drive you don't really need the kind of romance anymore maybe you want somebody mixed okay so let me let me tell you something you're right the sex drive isn't there put somebody beside you it's there yeah it's there it may be it may manifest differently because it's you know I mean at 77 not everything works as well but the drive is there and the experience is there and it requires it requires it requires the energy it requires the the other end the energy of the other whether it's male or another whatever it you know but that's what is required is it a relief about what relief their sex drive is still there or is it surprising or yes yes both yes it's like oh wow I remember you hello welcome back nice to see you again nice to feel you again yeah it's nice how important is that in your life now it's not that important what is more important is the closeness and the intimacy that is what it's about now more than this you know then the raw sex because that you know it's true the you know when they say if you don't pay attention Risa if you don't use it you lose it okay I didn't use it so you know the drive goes if you're not practicing so you have to practice but but it's not it's not it's not a driving force anymore but the intimacy and the closeness delicious delicious do you feel like it's that way because you didn't have it for so long that you have like a greater appreciation it's like anything right if you haven't tasted something in a long time ah no no I mean it's you know it's something that's very natural and if it felt good back then why shouldn't it feel good now you know what I mean like it's it's not because you didn't have it for a long time it's just that being in being older you come to it from a different place and that's what's so interesting there's something about turning 70 I mean I'm over almost 80 but there's something about turning 70 it was like I felt as if I had crossed over to another side it was very very different for me than any of the other age group the you know milestones 70 put me into a whole different category and what I don't even know if I can explain it all I can just describe to you is that it I felt physically as if I had crossed over a river and that everything about me was back there on the other side now it's not that I don't remember it I remember it but I don't relate to it anymore it's not who I am Who I am now is of course the sum total of all those things but maybe I'm more free to express a lot more than then back then and when you're in your professional guys that's one thing but now you know I'm not you know I'm not working the way I used to work and it's so much more of my essence I'm experiencing coming out I'm I'm sillier I'm very silly now energy do you feel like you've seen sort of changing yeah I watched Mona evolve you know shedding away lots of the necessary stuff but of course it's a testament to you know placing herself in situations where she can get past whatever issues she's had a testament to good therapy a testament to actualizing suggestion from a really concerned therapist and people around her over saying this brings out a sweetness in you making choices that reveal her slowly to the world where maybe she was holding on to things that right out of out of a concern for not really being certain about who she was in the her spec and now there's a fullness i much softer now then i yeah right yeah yeah yeah there's a softness about me now that has never been there before and a lot of my friends who've known me for a long long time have have noticed it and it is directly connected to male energy so yeah maybe or is it like romantic energy is it intimacy no because when he when he saw me with that man we were already at the end of our relationship so there wasn't any romantic anything you know other than we we like each other a lot but so no I I don't think it has it's about romantic I think it's about just being in relationship with a man brought out something in me that had never been there before well you were ready for it yeah I mean to have the conversation long before the application okay you know she was she she realized and decided well I need some new energy and didn't know exactly what the male energy was supposed to do you know it's just that it was something she desired it was a really honest series of conversations about that was myself and many other it was like yeah this this needs to be added and it was a finishing of a total picture you know you want to get all your stories in and you want them in an order you know how do you do that I mean because I think there's probably a lot of people your age or younger even that are probably too scared to meet that oh absolutely absolutely right right right one more alone yeah you know single four right right and I was very comfortable in it I had a very good I have a very good lifestyle on my own you know I don't need I don't need to be completed by a man but it sure is nice when there's one around yeah I mean do you think that that's one of was that kind of the missing piece do you feel like you've kind of been able to close whatever circle that you've wanted to close you know I it definitely is a myth it definitely was a missing piece I you know I'm just at the very very very beginning of a new relationship I have no idea where it's going so I can't make that kind of a statement all I know is that I'm very grateful for the opportunity to experience this I never thought it would happen and it definitely has made a and it's interesting because I find that very often I'll say to myself I'm feeling fine everything is fine and then when I think about this man there's like a whole different feeling it's like oh I'm not alone which is a very different experience for me it's like an added an added flourish on my life which never existed before and I never missed it but now that I have it I really like it so I you know whatever that means good stuff it's very good stuff and I feel like that's it's important because I feel like first of all we don't really talk about it we never really love oh yeah yes right it's always when we're young life happens mostly then too right right I mean it's but I you know I know a lot of stories I have a lot of friends and with each group of friends there's always somebody telling a story about a woman who met this guy in her 70s or 80s or 60s and they're they're having the best good time there's something about because you don't have the cares and the worries that you had when you were younger you don't have to prove yourself you know who you are you know and the person that you're that's coming to you also knows who he is it's just it's much more comfortable you know you're not playing games that you know when you're younger there's all these games that go on there's no games it's like it is what it is and it's it's great it's special so what would you say to somebody's thought about it but hasn't actually made the steps to pursue you know the nothing love I mean we talked about you know someone who's been married for four years and lost their spouse to someone who's been single for a very long time well I mean I think about it for whatever yeah because yeah yes of course everybody knows people like that and that's the easy way out because I think you know like as Daisy talks about it I realized that I actually did see I think to myself oh I'd made up my mind and then it happened but she's right there was a lot of preparation in here not out there just like getting you know talking about it thinking about it thinking about what did I want well you know what am I looking for because I'm not looking for the same thing I was looking for when I was a young woman you know what is it what what do I want in that kind of a relationship so I think a lot of it has to do with and then you have to go for it and and and you know all these silly little things that we talked about like you know cut your hair you know do the Ipanema girl from ipanema walk learn to smile learn to make eye contact I mean I was doing it but you know you get on the bus and you do your thing get on the bus look at the guy say hello good morning you know and it it was all of that was just practice it's not about oh I should only look at men that's not that's not what it's about it's if you need to be able to put yourself out there you need to put yourself out with everybody right and then then it happens but if you're just concentrating on that then there's a vibe that comes out with it that's chases them away because it's too intense right I'm just a girl who can't say no I have memories of photographing Mona in preparation for the match you know the match conflict where it was photos of you of the guy holding hands and walking down and the glamour shots and and what all of those those were all tests you know does it feel right does it feel right does it feel right does it feel right and then you get a chance to look at them and does it inspire you or does it you know freak you out you know Ramona doing this was a tremendous study [Laughter] yes of course of course it's fun because you're doing it with someone for me being at this at this stage of my life it's all about having fun if it doesn't feel good I'm not interested you know so the process of getting to meet a man or men was fun all the way because it was playing you know and I think that's so important I mean this is this is you know this is the the last hurrah so it's got to be fun yeah but I think people put a lot of stress on themselves no no no no no no no stress yeah work at the end yeah yeah you know I agree with that I mean honestly except for my PT well but yeah mostly however you know that's an important point and then you see that in action with people who are she initially dated the first one the six-month thing he's striving for what he desires you know and I believe me when I tell you Mona encouraged him to strive they may not have stayed together but the example she said in her striving has him on a journey where he is daring to try that's the incredible thing you know this new man that happens to be in her life is excited to try living with vision because Mona's living her visions so she's doing a public service to I doing a public service all right of course there's nothing in it for me no yes get another woman right being selfless right look at the and again I'm just gonna keep it to this this thing over that very first initial six-month relationship he inspired Mona to let her guard down enough to allow so much sweetness to come out see units that was held back just out of habit not necessarily because she needed to you know that now this new man he is benefiting from that wonderful opening the opening of that door and allowing her to be more fulfilled you know and who knows what happens next yeah so what did you want to ask me about sex now that you mention it I didn't think any you just asked me before you said can we talk about sex okay so can we talk about sex well I don't know it depends on what you how you want to talk yeah what do you want to say what do you want to talk about well in your later years people have sex right I mean there's this myth that as you get older people stop having sex or they stop enjoying I well no I think I don't think that people stop people who enjoy it don't stop having sex that's number one number two it is true because biologically our desire for sex diminishes and goes away that's why you have to you or else you lose it and so by the time you get to my age I I don't have a desire for sex except when that man is right beside me he brings that out it's like oh yes I remember you and I'm happy you know so yeah it's fun yeah of course it's fun are you at this stage all you can do is laugh because nothing else works it's like a soupy thing see if you say that it's me know the right place with the right person at the right time and it's like there isn't a right specifically correct time you can reinvent yourself in 77 78 82 and again yeah why not it's fun and I want to have fun girls just wanna have fun and I definitely a girl who can't say no little bit I know when I was a little girl and I learned that song you know every single word to that song little did I know that it was my imprimatur good for you I mean the reason why I wanted to have this talk was because for whatever reason it's still taboo to talk about it publicly I don't know why I don't know if you agree or I I don't have a problem talking about it I never did women need to talk about it more because men also need an education yes yes the bulb is their friend you know I mean it that what women's issues are really everyone's issues they really are and the whole idea that we can as women and we feel this consistent evolution within our bodies and we want to be happy you know we actually try it really hard to do that within any situation that we're in I'm sort of like prepared to try you know and so the more we end up talking about it the better there are so many things that make a sex life complicated when you're in your 70s and 80s 50s and 60s but there are so many things that you can adapt yeah yeah and work around and as long as there's laughter yeah good sense of humor makes up for a lot lottie's well yeah right insects right you know and and and bright minds like they're just for particular there are the really bright minds of women who have created vibrators for women so that they can actually feel better about themselves and more open and and that's crazy and they're just they're coming out there on the market they're amazing yeah and they help older women if you have to yeah I never had any sex toys until now until you know until the corruptor over here after the corruptor in chief took me to a sex toy place I had a teacher she was a doctor she was an OBGYN and she was very influential in my life she's first let me give me exam my first pelvic exam and she looked at me and she said you must use this and make yourself happy she was amazing she was part of the New York minute while I admit and she was an amazing woman who said do you do not ever deny yourself the opportunity to fulfill yourself as a woman completely that was a lot especially as a teenager to hear that and and you know and and of course she added and do it carefully Roget you know but do it you know yeah go for it go for it and of course do it carefully at any time yeah definitely definitely wise words from wise women thank you so much thank you if any of you ever questioned finding love now you know it can happen in any stage in life you just have to be open to bringing it into your world if you enjoyed this episode please share with your friends and your family and be sure to subscribe so that you'll be notified as soon as nations are uploaded the best way to keep in the loop about latest episodes and other upcoming events is to sign up to our email list at modern-day HTV you can also get a transcription of today's conversation on our website thank you so much for watching and we look forward to seeing you next time 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Channel: Modern Aging - Holistic Health & Wellness After 50

Views: 214,022

Keywords: Dating over 50, Dating over 60, Dating for seniors, Senior dating sites over 60, Senior dating sites, Find love later in life, Finding love in later years, Find love again, Love at 70 years old, Love at 70, Finding Love at 70, How to find love after 60, Over 60 and looking for love, Dating over 60 advice, Single woman over 60

Id: fIUjOdk8vXQ

Length: 35min 18sec (2118 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 06 2018